03x08 - Mystery Team

[bunniefuu]

Nine for 12 beyond the arc...

Sorry, gotta ice the knees, folks.

Okay, that guy blows me off every night.

Explain yourself.

I am extremely uncomfortable around you.

Our bodies are sending us messages and it's perfectly healthy.

We got a direction. We got some humility and some honesty.

I f*cking love it. I f*cking love it!

Hey, I really appreciate you taking the time with me today, Jimmy.

Takin' an interest.

It's $10 million, man. It's your call.

Whatever you think, man. I'll ride with you.

Oh, sh*t.

Yo, blow that flame out.

sh*t. [laughs]

How's it feel kickin' the world's ass like that?

Oh, the world had it coming.

Yeah.

Tell me again how Cam's even got an opt-out clause after one season?

Because Cam has a fantastic manager.

♪

Reggie Vaughn.

Edward Pain.

The Theo Epstein of basketball.

Nice to meet you in person.

I know this is a short layover, so I'll get to it.

Indianapolis has a lot to offer.

World-class auto racing, a riveting state fair.

All we're interested in is a four-year max deal for Cam.

Jeez, wanna buy a girl a drink first?

I did. I come prepared like that.

The question is, do you?

So you came all this way for a nod?

I came for a whiskey.

[laughs]

Enjoy yours on me.

Any chance you're going to Milwaukee for a beer?

What can I say? We're thirsty.

♪

Announcer: Flight 1457 departing for Miami.

As you know, Cam can opt out of his contract with Atlanta at the end of this season and become a free agent.

And as you know, we don't want to leave Atlanta.

Yes, we know that.

We have a big, beautiful house.

Agreed. New friends like the Freemans.

And Jimmy Flaherty.

We feel you.

The strip club got crab cakes, though.

Nobody wants to leave.

We just want to make the best deal we can.

And per Cam's agent, the way we do that is to convince Jimmy Flaherty that we might leave.

Why?

Because success in business is like success in the bedroom.

Nothing gets the job done like leverage.

It is almost Easter time.

That means that we're gonna see a lot of Jimmy Flaherty.

And it also means we cannot show any weakness or he'll know that we're bluffing, so when you see him, either avoid him, stay off the subject, or lie through your f*ckin' teeth.

Am I clear?

And if he calls your bluff, where would we be going?

Milwaukee or Indianapolis.

Oh, my God, that sounds bad.

That's bullshit.

Those are horrible places.

We know.

[sighs]

This sh*t better work.

M-Chuck: Milwaukee is the breeding ground for serial K*llers.

And where the f*ck's Indianapolis anyway?

You don't wanna know.

Reggie, my expertise is at your disposal in this process.

I planned a trip to Shanghai, but I will happily postpone.

Well, thank you, Chen, but if I don't do it on my own, it won't feel near as good.

Mm, I understand. I remember my first bold venture.

My father offered to advise me, but I refused.

And you made a fortune, didn't you?

No, I lost $73 million.

But the experience was invaluable.

[laughs]

♪

Are we exchanging nuclear codes?

We are being discreet.

How's Cam?

He says hello.

No, he doesn't.

He would if he knew I was here.

So you know about me and Cam?

Don't know anything I shouldn't.

Moving on.

I got an exclusive for you if you're interested.

Let me guess. It's about Cam's opt-out and it's something you want Flaherty to read.

You've done this before.

It's my profession.

You can't say it came from me.

A "well-placed source."

Indianapolis and Milwaukee will make Cam max offers.

Flaherty can offer you more years and more dollars than anyone else.

Correct, but if he doesn't do so in the next couple of weeks, we're movin' on.

Why force the issue? Why not wait till after the playoffs?

Because anything can happen in the playoffs...

Injury, scandals, apocalypses.

There's no plural to "apocalypse."

There's just gonna be one if any.

Cam has had the season of his life.

His value will never be higher than what it is right now.

I'll just say you don't want to be a distraction to the team.

Now you're thinking.

Why'd you pick me for this?

Trust.

♪

No, Ma, not the face. You gotta go around the side.

We always knew you'd get into Georgia State.

We just thought it'd be the penitentiary.

Shut up.

I'm just playin'.

First woman to go to college in our family. I might cry.

I cried when I saw the tuition bill.

Hey, it's in-state.

One semester costs less than a night at Onyx.

Seriously, Mary Charles, I'm very proud of you. I don't say that enough.

Whatever, but thank you.

Ha!

That's not funny. I was having a sentimental moment.

Reggie: The way you say it, 'cause you got a Kn*fe in your hand.

Uh-oh.

Reggie: Can you cut the cake? That's cute. Cut the cake!

Mr. Flaherty!

[chatter stops]

Who's the hot freshman?

Jimmy.

Thank you for coming. Thank you for everything.

All I did is make a phone call and vouch for your potential, which I happen to think is immense.

For you.

Jimmy.

Oh, you didn't have to do that.

Don't speak in banalities.

I... I don't know what those are.

Meaningless things that you don't mean like "You didn't have to do that," or "I don't wanna be a distraction to the team."

M-Chuck: Wow!

Missy: Is that Prada?

Jimmy: To separate you out from the great unwashed masses of other freshmen who need to recognize the beacon in their midst.

That's really generous of you.

I'm like that.

Would you gentlemen care to join me in the pavilion?

Sure.

You realize what's happenin'?

sh*t.

You disloyal m*therf*ckers.

We didn't say we were leaving.

We just said we might.

Yes, in the paper.

Ain't no papers anymore, Jimmy.

There are f*ckin' websites of papers.

And maybe if there were still papers, there'd still be some decent behavior left in the world.

It's just business.

Don't talk to me about business.

I was doing business at the highest levels when your idea of doing business was taking 80 bucks from a booster.

Booster? I went to the University of New Hampshire.

We didn't even have fans.

This isn't just business.

This is business between friends, God damn it.

And it plays by a completely different set of rules.

Rules that you, still new to business, are obviously not sophisticated enough to understand.

I see.

Friends don't hold friends' feet to the fire.

And if they do, they don't do it in the press.

I'll make a note.

And what do you have to say about all this?

I... I'm just... I'm speaking through my representatives.

You're speaking through your throat and what's comin' out is bullshit.

Hey, there's a very easy way to solve this.

Five more years max money.

Can't. I'm up against the salary cap.

I need every dollar to bring in somebody who can rebound.

Then stop buying Latvians.

They play small and, frankly, they smell funny.

There are two at the end of the bench that are prime candidates for a buyout.

Buyouts are like burning money and I don't like dealing with their agents who are also Latvian.

I have to repeat everything like seven times.

This is the business you've chosen.

[laughs]

What is it you always say?

"I see how it is"? Well...

[chuckles] ... I see how it is.

Tell M-Chuck I'm sorry I couldn't stay, but I had to go home and throw up.

'Cause "this is the business I've chosen."

Sure this is a good idea?

It's gonna be all good.

♪

Thank you for meeting me.

It was on my way.

Me, I don't take public transportation.

Why not?

The public.

Jesus, you're attractive.

All right, cut the sh*t and cut to the chase.

Sorry, it was a reflexive reaction.

I mean, yes, I see you at the arena, but that's work.

One-on-one, you're upsettingly beautiful.

Did you have any actual business you wanted to transact?

Because if not, I'm going to work.

I'm sorry. My social skills are eroding in this job.

I know Reggie used you as a mouthpiece, but I would never stoop that low.

Unless I had to, and now I do.

So here's an exclusive, but you can't say it came from me.

A "source close to the team."

Blah, blah.

If Cam wants to set an arbitrary deadline, let him go to one of those bumblefuck cities with my blessing.

He can freeze his ass off and wear those ugly f*ckin' uniforms.

And good luck selling his Buckhead McMansion in a still struggling housing market.

You can print every syllable of that.

I may have to edit for space and common courtesy.

Off the record, courtesy is exactly what's missing from this little negotiation of theirs.

No acknowledgment of everything I've done for that family.

Actions speak louder than words.

Actions don't spit on my forehead.

I'm sorry.

But you're a muckraker and it's time to rake the muck.

And when you do, sometimes some of the muck gets on your face.

Leaving now.

Again, I apologize.

You're not seeing me at my best.

♪

It's a bad story...

I know, I get it.

Hey, listen, listen. Flaherty didn't mean what he said in his Isa story any more than we meant what we said in ours.

So this is all just a river of bullshit?

What do you think a negotiation is?

Chen once told me don't jump into the river unless you're willing to go over the waterfall.

We've been enjoying a nice break from sayings.

Why are you still wearing your Nigerian clothes?

They're colorful and comfortable. My junk can go with the flow.

Last question I ever ask you.

I'm not asking you anything.

Reg, I'm starting to get a bad feeling about this.

That's exactly what Flaherty wants. Just tamp it down.

All of you be cool and unflappable like Bridget here.

Bridget, say something out of anger or fear.

I will not.

You see?

[doorbell rings]

That's him.

Squeeze, walk your junk to the door and let the m*therf*cker in.

Go ahead, "Big Yellow." Pikachu-looking m*therf*cker.

[clinks glass]

I'd like to say a few words on this Palm Sunday.

[sighs]

The day Jesus returned victoriously to the city of Jerusalem.

This great man rode into town on a donkey humbly, timidly, respectfully, but ever vigilant knowing that His friends had become His enemies and planned to crucify Him in the end.

He still sat down for one last supper with the people He cared for most.

[clinks glass]

All good things end just like Jesus' life ended.

But the very good things, like Jesus, rise again in another city, the city of God.

Well, cheers.

All: Cheers.

Give it up for Jesus. He have a tough week ahead of Him.

Squeeze! You know He doesn't f*ckin' die every year, right?

He d*ed once, He rose again, that's it.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Cheers.

[tires squeal]

Well, that was awkward as f*ck.

We just got to play it out. We'll win in the end.

Win what?

Why we got to hoover up every $50 bill that's lying around?

Because it is there to be hoovered.

And because you spend it like a Hoover on reverse.

$5 million for them missing nostril kids?

Frozen.

I got years left to make plenty of money.

Sure, till you sustain a major injury or you lose your sh**ting touch, or you get hit by a f*cking...

Okay, okay.

Hey, Cam, if Uncle J's death taught us anything, it's that the future is promised to no one.

All we got is today.

I don't like negotiating like this. It feels dirty.

Owners should know your value. Negotiations should be clean.

Hey, look, the world is not clean.

It's ugly. We can't change it.

All we can do is work within the ugliness.

I know it... it's harder to be straight up, but I don't care because I like feeling good about our sh*t.

I like sleeping nights. And because how you get something is more important than what you get.

The only people who think that way are the people who already have the what.

Flaherty is a friend.

Not right now he ain't, okay?

He can't be your friend because he's your employer.

You can't be true friends with somebody who pays you.

It is not possible.

We can be close to true.

They have a word for close to true... false.

He spends holidays with us.

[sighs]

He was at the hospital when Unc was dying.

He helped get Chuck into college.

All of those moves were calculated.

Bullshit.

To a certain degree.

Now, I am not saying that he doesn't love you.

What I'm sayin' is he's a businessman and on some level he was thinkin', even when he was drivin' to the hospital or when he made the phone call for Chuck, that in a few months you and he would be sittin' down for negotiations and all of these things would be goodwill in the bank.

He's a good dude.

He's a good dude who's actively trying not to pay you what you're worth.

But we got leverage, Cam.

He built a winning team around you.

If you go, he gotta start all over.

He is scared. He is terrified.

I can smell it on him.

He ain't the only one.

Ain't no scarier words in the English language than "Milwaukee" and "Indianapolis."

But we ain't going to either one of them places.

We are using them as we should and as we must.

Dude, when did you get so cold?

I'm not cold.

I just realize what you should realize and that is everything dies, everything is bullshit except money.

Money goes on. Money protects you.

It bends the world to your will.

It's a bodyguard. It is a w*apon.

It is the only thing that matters.

And the best thing, cousin, like, the... the best thing, is that money never, ever breaks your heart.

Wow.

You want the money. Now, it ain't flattering to admit it, but you do for you, for the family, and so you can give it away with that beautiful impulsiveness that is only you.

So sit the f*ck down, shut the f*ck up, and let me get it for you.

♪

[music continues]

[jingles]

[beads clatter]

Jesus, what is this place?

Well, it's kind of a home for broke-down strippers.

Think it's supposed to be enjoyed as campy.

It's not meant to be erotic.

I sure hope not.

It's more retro.

Can we talk about whatever it is you made me come here to talk about?

Because I really want to be out the door before her pants come off.

Here's your next column. Same source protocol.

Flaherty thinks Cam won't like Milwaukee or Indy?

Well, that may or may not be true, but it also may not matter because there is a third team in the mix with a max offer.

What team is that?

I'm not sayin'. It's a mystery team.

It'll be much more persuasive if the team has a name.

But much less of a mystery.

Flaherty will know it's bullshit.

It ain't bullshit.

Convince me.

Look at me.

You judge truth for a living.

Is there anything in my face that says I'm lying?

Teams don't want their names in the paper till they're sure they won't be left at the altar.

Thank you for putting it in terms a single woman can understand.

Just sell it like I just sold it.

[fizzling]

Okay, can I please go?

She's not finished.

Yeah, I... have fun with that.

Could we just once meet at a Starbucks?

You be careful. You're gonna burn yourself.

♪

[children laughing]

Peace be with you.

And also with you.

And with whoever the "mystery" team is, because if it's that little C-word from Dallas, I will rip his larynx out.

You shouldn't say the C-word in front of Jesus.

I didn't say the C-word in front of Jesus.

I said "the C-word" in front of Jesus.

And Jesus knows the difference.

Hey, Jesus is everywhere.

There is no "in front of Jesus" and there is no "behind Jesus" and there is no "be quiet so Jesus don't hear you."

Don't you lepers know how this works?

Jesus knows what you would have said if you weren't in His house.

And He knows who the mystery team is.

Would you two shut the F up? We in F-in' church.

You know what I love about the Catholic Church?

It's never too late to enter into the kingdom of heaven.

You can repent on your deathbed.

The same can't be said about tonight's midnight deadline.

I know when the F-ing deadline is.

I pray that you do.

Father, all right, good to see you.

Lovely service, Father.

Oh, thank you, Jimmy.

Tell me, uh, Father, who's the patron saint of lying, manipulative thieves?

Well, that's a tough one. Is he a repentant thief?

No, he is not.

Then I guess we don't have one.

What about rich, whiny people, who's the patron saint for that?

You fellas seem like you need to light some votive candles.

Give me a $50 one.

Me, too. I'll take 100.

Candles and donation box right out front... be the best money you ever spent.

Thank you.

Father, I am so sorry.

They're forgiven.

Cam: 11:59, Reggie. 11:59.

I know what time it is. I can see what time it is.

Flaherty's gonna call.

He's not calling.

This may have been an overplay.

The world was our f*cking oyster, Reggie.

And there's no oysters in Indianapolis.

"Mystery team." I can't believe you thought that was gonna work.

It will work.

It won't because it was a lie.

In fact, Flaherty knew it was a lie.

I'm not lyin'.

Then tell me who the mystery team is.

It ain't in your interest to know.

It's my life. It's my career.

You two are lying to each other now? This ship is sinkin'.

Hey, I will tell everyone when it's over, okay?

[beeping]

Well, son, that would be now.

I can't believe it.

You f*cked up, Reggie. You f*cked up.

Damn, you f*cked up. God, you f*cked up.

[doorbell rings]

Reg, I had your back the whole time.

All right, smug fuckies, you win. You got your deal.

[laughing, cheering]

Oh, I'm so happy to see you.

Cam: Come on, man!

Cassie: Oh, my God. Baby, you did it.

Thank you!

Thanks.

You're late.

You're g*dd*mn right. Just sending a message, which is that I'm not gonna be manipulated even when I am.

[laughs]

The deadline was midnight.

Yeah, do me a favor and blow me before I change my mind.

The deal's off the table, Jimmy.

Come on, quit f*ckin' around.

I'm dead serious.

Reg. Reg.

Because I was 20 seconds late?

It's a matter of principle. See, if I don't enforce the deadline on this one, the next won't have any teeth.

Have you lost your rabid-ass mind?

You got 15 seconds to tell me you're f*ckin' with me at which point we can all laugh our asses off and drink this champagne.

If those seconds pass, I'm going home, the deal is dead, and Cam is headed to the frozen north.

I don't need the 15 seconds.

Thank you for the opportunity in Atlanta.

At the end of the season, we'll craft a farewell tweet from Cam to the fan base.

And, of course, we both wish you the very best in the future.

No, we don't. Are you f*cking crazy?

Is your sweater too tight?

Hey, Squeeze, show Mr. Flaherty to the door.

He know where the f*ckin' door is.

I just let him in five seconds ago.

Baby?

I know you don't want this.

You can dump him, you know.

You don't have to follow him blindly into hell or Milwaukee.

People change representation all the time.

Usually at times like this.

Dump him right now and take the deal.

I will honor it.

[laughs]

I am an Earthling living in an alien world.

Hey.

I guess I gotta get back to the ship.

Bon voyage.

[sighs]

Goodbye, friends.

Baby brother.

Missy: What just happened?

What the f*ck did you say to him before he came here?

I didn't say anything.

[door opens]

You take the deal?

Nope.

But I wanted to.

You still don't believe in me, do you?

I mean, how many f*ckin' times do I have to hit a home run for you and for this family?

What does it take to earn a little faith?

I have faith.

You got front-runner's faith.

It don't mean nothin' to have faith when things are easy.

A monkey can do that.

Faith only shows when things are difficult.

I had faith about Jupiter.

On his way in and on his way out, I had faith.

You don't believe in me.

I just watched you act like a child, throw a tantrum and kick away a huge win.

You ruined the lives of you, me, and everyone in that house because you lost a pissing contest.

How am I supposed to believe in that guy?

I didn't kick it away. I'm still negotiating, Cam.

You're dreaming.

Oh, I wish you knew your own value.

And I sure wish you knew mine.

This look like ruination?

[phone buzzes]

This is Reggie.

Isa: What the hell happened? Flaherty just called.

Most of what he said was "f*ck" or some variation of "f*ck."

He wants a meet tomorrow.

Reggie: Set it up.

Faith.

♪

Why are we in a Korean salt sauna?

Because this needs to be a private meeting and no one knows us here.

It's 2,000 degrees.

Yes, it's a f*cking sauna.

By the way, the spa clothing flatters you.

Is that your A game?

[door opens]

Why are we in a Korean salt sauna?

The heat and salt relieve tension and remove impurities.

And right now that's what we need in this sh*t show.

Pull up some hemp.

[sighs]

Hi, Isa.

Hello, Cam.

Haven't seen you by my locker as much.

Imagine that.

Okay, weird subtext. Great, I'm intrigued.

I'm titillated, I wanna know more.

Ooh, but it's a conversation for another day.

It is hot as sh*t in here.

Yes.

The Koreans call this the "steaming colon of the gods."

No, they don't.

No, they don't.

I asked Isa to be here so that she can record and disseminate what I hope will be a great moment.

Reggie, I apologize for my hubris of last evening.

Please, let's not allow it to keep us from a deal that's in both our interests.

I don't hold any grudges, Jimmy.

Good.

And you can't be emotional in business.

You can, but it's stupid.

The deal we almost made was a good one. There's no disagreement there.

Great, let's wrap this up, then, 'cause I'm sweatin' so much, my balls feel like they're being waterboarded.

That is diminishing to those who have been waterboarded.

Well, they're not here. Don't write that down.

But what happened did happen.

And if you still want my boy, you gotta improve the terms.

[scoffs] For f*ck's sake. "Improve the terms"?

I can't improve the f*cking terms.

You already have everything... Max money, max years, suites on the road, a lux box at home, what more do you want?

Hookers in the training room? Free cotton candy for all the kids?

I want another opt-out.

This is extortion! This is perverse!

You ask for Poland, I give you Poland.

You ask for Belgium, I give you Belgium.

Then you say you want France.

I am not giving you f*ckin' France!

Already got France. I want Russia.

Russia? f*ck you both.

Especially you, Reggie. Where is the f*cking door?

Deadline is midnight tonight, Jimmy.

f*ck you!

Take Mother Russia and blow it out your f*ckin' ass!

Now what?

Now we just sit here in this beautiful room and reap the benefits.

♪

Goodbye, nice house.

Goodbye, upwardly mobile black community.

Goodbye, only older straight white male friend I ever had.

You guys are ridiculous.

Squeeze, open the front door.

It's spring in Atlanta. I'll get a face full of flying termites.

Just do it.

Get your ass up and go get the g*dd*mn door.

M-Chuck: Ma, you don't gotta do all of that.

Cassie: He know my nerves is bad.

God.

[door opens]

I was waiting till 10 seconds of.

I know.

You got your deal, you f*ckin' bastard.

Cassie: Don't nobody celebrate till my moody f*ckin' nephew "Jay Z f*cking Junior" says yes.

Thank you, Jimmy.

Everybody make room for the boss.

Yes, m*therf*cker!

Jimmy: Careful.

Don't get hurt.

Oh!

Mary Charles!

Not as bad as I feared.

[laughing]

Cam: Reg.

Mmm.

I got faith, man. I do.

Sure, now.

Now, then, always.

You gotta have faith in my faith.

[laughs]

Mwah! Welcome back to the family.

[laughing]

Thank you. Thank you.

Can I steal him back?

All yours.

[chatter]

Hey.

Now that it's over, now that I folded, now that I caved, now that I shat the bed and went tits up, you gotta tell me, was there really a mystery team?

Yes, there was.

Who was it?

It was you.

Cassie: Oh, that's your husband.

You got some lipstick.

Cassie: That's my nephew! My nephew did that!

Cassie: My nephew did that!

[sighs]

[family cheering]

Cassie: That's my nephew! That's my nephew!

My baby!

So proud of you.