01x13 - The End of All We Hold Dear: What Happens When Democracies Fail: A Brief Synopsis

Episode transcripts for the TV show "BrainDead". Aired June - September 2016.
"BrainDead" revolves around the White House, where a conspiracy is set that alien spawn have come to earth and eaten the brains of a growing number of Congressmen and Hill staffers.
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01x13 - The End of All We Hold Dear: What Happens When Democracies Fail: A Brief Synopsis

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Once the end was coming, now at last the end is here ♪
♪ Ella's d*ad, but at least there's not ♪
♪ A space bug in her ear ♪
♪ Looks like Red is finally feeling better ♪
♪ Luke's all fired up and lean and mean ♪
♪ Gareth's glad that Laurel said she'll stay and see it through ♪
♪ She tells Rochelle and Gustav that she knows just what to do ♪
♪ While they scheme the clock is ticking ♪
♪ Here in this fair brownstone ♪
♪ Where we lay our scene. ♪

Laurel: I know what their plan is, and I think I know how to stop it.

(guitar continues playing in distance)


38 days. Their countdown clock said 38 days.

I knew it sounded familiar.

w*r. 38 days to start w*r.

No, the w*r was a distraction. The internment camps were a distraction... They were never for internment.

They were hothouses.

A distraction from what?


(guitar continues playing)

(sighs): Tsk. Oh, God.


Rochelle: A distraction... from what?

Cherry blossoms.

Global warming has extended the cherry blossom season, but it's ending.

In 38 days.

Right. Well, less now.


They need the cherry blossoms.

That's where they spawn.

That's why the hothouses. It's not just about spreading the blossoms to other states, it's about surviving here, now.

So what do we do?

We stop the building of this hothouse.

The one in Manassas.

No, no, no, no. It's almost done.

We need to sabotage it.


We need full blueprints. Can you get them from Red?

I'll talk to Gareth.

And what about the vote on the other hothouses?

We still need to stop them.

Right. My brother's on it.

Nice. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I feel like we should say something to each other.

♪ ♪


We're in this together.

It's us against the world.

The world won't know what h*t it.


Sorry about that.


Look who's here.

This is your son's girlfriend, Lana.


Mr. and Mrs. Ritter, hi.

Oh, call us Nora and Sam. I...

Nora: Gareth didn't tell us he had a girlfriend.

Red: Yeah. they're in town because of this terrible mugging.

It's the Democrats... Coddling inner-city t*rrorists.

Uh, sorry.

Didn't mean to offend you.

Sam: Oh!

You're a... Democrat.


What? I-I didn't say anything...

Not just a Democrat.

Her brother's the leader of the rebellion in the senate.

He's your brother?

Would you do me a favor and get Senator...

There he is!

Hey, man of the hour.

We were just talking politics.

(awkward chuckle)

Nora: Gareth. Oh!

(grunts) ‭Oh! Sorry.

How are you doing?

Good, Mom.

You guys didn't need to come this far.

You got s*ab! Of course we'd come.



Red: We were just discussing you two.

You're a sly one, eh?

Not telling your parents you're dating a Democrat?

Especially so soon after she... dated Michael Moore. What?

Gareth. Do you have a minute?

(quietly): Sure.

(door closes)

Well, that was weird.

Yes. It was.


I need the blueprints for the hothouses.

What? You have them.

No, the full things. Can you get them?

I can try. Are... are you good?

Yeah. Yeah. What do you mean?

Just, my parents, and... I don't know what they were saying, and... they're kind of old-fashioned, and Red's kind of been a...

We could do it right here.

With your parents on the other side of the wall?

I have a lock. (chuckles)

Well, in that case.


♪ ♪

I have to go.

I know.

Where is everybody?

Back in their offices.

They got tired. ‭What can we do?

We need to stop these hothouses from being built.

Well... I'm open to ideas.

What would bring the senators back?


And what drama might that be?


You have a thought?

Eh, not a good one.

I'm open to bad ones.

Want to do me a favor?

That... depends.

Arrest me.

(scoffs, laughs)

(both laughing)

Oh... seriously.

And why would I do that?

(clears throat)

(people murmuring)

This is what happens with free speech!

I'm being dragged from this floor!

This sit-in is being shut down through fascist Republican tactics!


Did you see what the Republicans are doing?

Can you believe it?

♪ ♪

Laurel: Is everything all right?

There's no sign of any blueprints here, but there is a security...

(door opens)

Do you need anything, sir?

Uh, no, Gary. Thank you.

There is a security badge that might come in handy.

It looks like it's to the Manassas construction site.

You're kidding.


And you won't get in trouble for this? I hope not.

Okay. I'll tell Gustav and Rochelle.

Love you.

(excited chatter on TV)

Yes, I did just say that.

You did.

I'm not sure why.

It's just one of those things you say when you're hanging up.

Yeah. Red and I say it to each other all the time.

Okay. I'm hanging up now.

Hey. Love you.


Rochelle. It's Laurel.

No blueprint, but we have a security badge.

Everybody : ♪ Tree that's standing by the water ♪
♪ We shall not be moved ♪
♪ We will stand and fight together ♪
♪ We shall not be moved ♪
♪ Just like a tree ♪
♪ That's standing by the water ♪

It's fantastic! Isn't it?

(phone ringing)

And it looks like it worked.


Hey, Red. How are you doing?

Not very good, Luke.

I'm just watching you on C-SPAN.

Quite a drama. Yes.

That's one thing I've learned from you: the voters like drama.

What do you need?

I think we should talk, you and me.

We have talked. ‭No, no, no, no.

Come to my office.

We'll negotiate. Yeah?

This is me learning from you.

Compromise. It's essential.

You want to compromise?

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Then I'll see you tomorrow. Lunch.


♪ We shall not, we shall not be moved ♪

♪ Just like a tree that's standing by the water ♪
♪ We shall not be moved ♪
♪ We shall not, we shall not be moved ♪
♪ We will stand and fight together ♪

♪ We shall not be moved ♪
♪ Just like the tree that's standing ♪
♪ By the water ♪
♪ We shall not be moved... ♪

(door opens)

Director. How are you?

Not good.

Sorry to hear that. Health issue?

Mind if I turn this on?

And I especially condemn the strong-arm tactics of the Capitol Police.

I mean, come on, now, people...

I think we should talk, Senator.

We have talked, Director.

No. You leaked, Senator.

You were offered a CIA briefing, and you leaked.

It's a criminal offense.

‭Yes, and the special prosecutor already investigated and found nothing.

I didn't leak to the press, I didn't leak to anyone.

No, the special prosecutor disappeared before he could find anything.

And what is there to find?


A witness.

(singing on TV continues)

(TV turns off)

(knocks on glass)

‭You enjoy being a senator, sir, don't you?

But if this comes out, that you leaked, you might have to resign.

Laurel, this is Director Isenstadt from the CIA.

I don't think you've met.

Laurel: No.

Senator, I think we should discuss this on our own.

He was just thr*at me. I thought you should hear.

I would treat this more seriously.

He thinks I leaked the CIA briefing.

He says he has a witness.

When you're in a more serious frame of mind, Senator...

(tears paper) you and I should discuss your options.

My options?

Really? What might they be?

Good to meet you, Ms. Healy.


(door opens)

(chuckles softly)

He's bluffing. Says he has a witness.

To you leaking? Yeah.

Unlikely. Unless you turn on me.

Or Dad.

("You Might Think" by The Cars playing on speakers)

(music louder)


♪ Well, you might think I'm crazy ♪

Hey. Dad?

♪ To hang around with you ♪
♪ Maybe you think I'm lucky ♪

You alright?

♪ To have something to do ♪

What do you mean?

Did you talk to the CIA about Luke?

I'm pronating too much. I need new shoes.

They're saying they have a witness who says Luke leaked.

You were there. I was there.

I didn't talk to the CIA, so did you?

I told them the truth.

You should try it sometime.

You're seriously gonna hurt your son?

No, I'm gonna tell the truth.

Oh, really?

Like the truth of how many times you screwed him over?

(sighs) Come on, Laurel, this isn't personal.

His first election, his first loss, what did you tell him?

I just wanna go running.

You told him to never embarrass the family like that again.

And he didn't.

He was in tears.

You should've held him.

Why are you doing this to me? It's not personal.

He looked up to you.

Luke wanted to be you, and you said he embarrassed you.

I was trying to toughen him.


No, you wanted to hurt him.

You wanted to hurt him for losing.

No, I didn't.

That's all that ever mattered to you, just winning.


Thanks for dropping by, Laurel.

Let them out. Come back to us.

I have to go running.

You know, that was the exact moment that Luke lost his faith in you.

He admired you, everything about you, before that.

Make your son proud, Dad.

You don't have to be who you were.


I have to get cross-trainers.

So what happened?

I was talking to my dad, and...


I was talking to my dad, and a bug... leaked out.


Why did it leak out? I have no idea.

He grabbed his ear before any more could.

What was he doing?


We were just talking.

But, he seemed sick.

I think they're weakening.

Rochelle: What was he talking about?

He wasn't. Actually, I was.

Something about telling Luke he embarrassed him after losing a Senate race.


It's the most deep-seated human emotion.

If there's any human part of him you can still reach, it's through shame.

I don't think he was ashamed. I...

Gustav: Come on, politicians can't feel ashamed.

Rochelle: They're just like us. Try it, shame.

It's the thing buried deepest in the mind than anything else.


He won't go into his jacket again until tonight, so I need that back by 8:00 p.m.

This is great. Thanks.


Yes, thank you.

No problem.

Laurel, could I talk to you for a second?


Look, this "I love you" thing is really just something I said automatically.

I know.

I just...

‭Anyway, I'm the commitment-phobe, so you don't need to say anything.

What do you mean? What don't I have to say?

Just that we shouldn't get too serious...

Do you think we're getting too serious?

No, I just...

Wait, what were you gonna say?


Just-just give me a minute, okay? I'm...

(louds honking)

(quietly): I think I love you, too.


Forget it.

(chuckles, groans)

No, no. No, seriously, I didn't hear what you said. (chuckles)

Maybe I love you, too.

That's all.

If the world's gonna end, I thought I should say it.

Wait. Just wait.

You can't just say that and... walk away.


I think I love you, too.

♪ ♪

(keys clacking)

♪ rock ♪


♪ ♪


♪ ♪



Just look straight, act like them, don't react.


Let's do this.



We just have to salt the beds. Just a few boxes in each.

Oh, no. Oh, no, oh, no. Just relax.

Just act normal.

What are you doing?

Gustav: Working.

Like you. Just working. See?

How unchivalrous. Making the woman do the hard work.

Well, you know, I tried to push it, but...

(whispers): you know women.

(all chuckle)

I insisted.

Here, let me.

No, it's... Sure.

‭Oh. (grunting)

Where you headed?

Uh, inside. Uh, you know, um...

Plot nine?


So, your name is?

Dr. Bo... Uh, (clearing throat) Wheatus.

Red Wheatus.


It's nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you as well.

Figured I'd take a break from Capitol Hill, come on down, and see how y'all are doing.

We're doing just fine.

Almost done. Just getting the beds in.

It'll be a week. I'm Brian.

Ah. Good, good, good.

And, um, this is my... assistant, Roch... sheen.

Rasheen Moleen.

Nice to meet you.

And you. We were just...

You're just...?

♪ rock starts again ♪

Just... just... helping out. You know, it takes a village, right?

Where are we piping the water next?

The back nine.

Good. Where's that?

Come with us. We're heading there now.

This is more disorganized than I thought it would be.

Well, we're still working out the kinks.

You might be interested in telling the senator your concerns.

The senator?

Do I know you?


Senator, we have that conference call that we need to get onto. Very important.

Ah, yes. The call. The call, yes.

Uh, hello. Oh. Oh, right.

Yes... Yes, yes, yes!


All: ♪ ...be moved ♪
♪ We shall... ♪

Okay, quick thing.

Uh, yeah. Keep it up, guys.

After you lost the first Senate race, do you remember what Dad told you?

Sis, I'm a little busy here.

There's a chance shame might have an impact on Dad's infection.

Is this what your friends say?

No, this is what I saw.

Well, here's the thing, Dad doesn't shame easily.

I know.

‭Keep it up.

But I reminded him of the night you lost the Senate race, and... he cried.

He cried about me losing?

No, he cried about what he said to you.

Then he had something in his eye. No.

No, he's still in there.

Laurel, he was never in there to begin with.

He never was our father.

He was our... manager.

Okay, well, what else will shame him?

What else about him pisses you off?

What else did he say?

It's not about me.

It was never about me.

He always loved you.

More than me.

What are you talking about?

You really want to make him ashamed?

Remember that camera you got for your ninth birthday?

If anything makes him ashamed, that would.

♪ We shall not be moved ♪

Today is my ninth birthday, and it's the best one ever because I finally got what I wanted, a camera.

Zoom in. Zoom out.

Zoom in. Zoom out.

Dean: What's this?

This is the movie of my life...

I just found it, Dad.

Remember, you bought me my first camera?

That's my mom. She got me these shoes.

I missed this birthday?

You did.

Don't remember that.
I heard my dad's car.

(door opens)

Wait, here he comes.

Dean: Oh, brother.

Liz: Where were you?

(sighs) I-I couldn't get away.

Liz: You weren't at the office. So don't even try.

Oh, please.

That's enough.

How do you turn this thing off?

I'll turn it off when it's over.

Liz: Your daughter was crying.

Dean: Well, she'll get over it.

Liz: Will she? You missed your daughter's birthday to be with your girlfriend.

Oh, please. Just don't start.

Turn it off.

Liz: It's one thing to do it to me.

But to her?

She doesn't even know where I was.

Liz: She knows you weren't here!


Dean: Please keep your voice down?

Don't tell me what to do. You should have been here!

You really want me to move out?

I didn't know you were there.

I know you're lying. It's time.

Dean: Oh, for God's sake! I'm done.

Laurel: I love my dad.

And I did.

(Laurel crying on video)


Dad? Dad.

Dad, are you okay?

You've got five minutes, Red, then I'm back to our sit-in.

Whoa, whoa. Calm down, Senator, just have a seat.

(scoffs) I've have been sitting for way too many hours, thanks to you. So... (clears throat) what's the deal?

All right, well, if you refuse to sit, fine, but, uh, I'm a bit queasy, so... (chuckles) could you just s-stand still, right-right there, for a minute?

(desk drawer opens)


Thank you. Well...

(phone rings)

Here's my offer.

Oh, come on.


Uh, Laurel, what is it?


No, y... yes.

Wait, when?

(g*n clicks)

But how did...

Yes, I'm-I'm on my way.

(phone beeps)

Uh, we're gonna need to delay this.

Why? W-W-What's wrong?

Uh, my dad is sick.

(door opens)

Damn Healys.

(door closes)

Do you need anything, Senator?


Has anyone been in here, buddy?

In your office?

No. (chuckles)

The intern.

What's his name?


He hasn't been in here.

Are you sure?


Why don't you bring him in here?


I'll go talk to him.


You're a good person, aren't you?

No, just a person.

No, it's not a bad thing, to be good.

You know, sometimes I...

I think you're like the son I never had.

That's nice, Senator.

Then sometimes I think you're not.

(door closes)


Did it work?

Yes, but no.

We have to find another way.

Okay, where's the badge?

Any day now.

Oh, oh.

Rochelle: Ooh, in his sock?

Gareth: Yeah, it's in your sock.

Here you go.

Do you need help with that?

No. No.

I think I can do this.

Where the hell...?

Is-is this what you're looking for... Senator?

Yes. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, see you tomorrow.



It's not easy... seeing him like that.


You all right?

My whole childhood, I wanted to see Dad show some kind of shame for what he did to Mom.

Now I have.

How does it feel?



Are you serious? It's...

Oh, it's 9:00 a.m.

I have a solution.

Another way into the hothouse?


We don't have to get into the hothouse.

They're still a week away.

Okay. Then... what?

We need to sabotage the trees.

They're in the trees now.

We need to make them absciss.

Absciss means...

I know what it means.

Make them shed, make their blossoms drop before the bugs can get to the hothouses.


And how do we do that? Mm.

Ammonium nitrate fertilizer.



It worked on my dad.

The person is still in there. He can be reached.

Yeah, Red really doesn't do shame.

It's not his brand.

Well, he was crying last week.

So you want to figure out what'll shame him?


God, you're sexy.

(both sigh)

(inhaling deeply)

Lana. He keeps calling you Lana.


I need your laptop.

(Red crying)

Do you need a moment, Senator?

I just miss her, and I'm...

I'm so ashamed.

Monarch: Okay, why don't we take a break, and, uh, we'll be back to discuss more on the congressional dysfunction. (moaning) Oh. Lana.

(Red crying)

Red: Where are you, Lana?


I think I saw her photo in Red's drawer.



(cars passing)

So we just sprinkle some ammonium nitrate on the roots?

That's what it says.

How long does it take?

Depends on how much we use.

Hey, let's not draw a lot of attention to ourselves.

We wouldn't want...

(siren chirps)


This is not gonna look good.


Is there a problem, officer?

License and registration.

A flickering tail light perchance?


Excuse my friend, officer.

Actually, you were speeding, sir.

(indistinct radio transmission)


I was most definitely not speeding.

Rochelle, you...

You know what?

I think we should probably record this.

Ma'am, please put the phone away.

‭Why would I do that?

Because you're not allowed to record an officer in D.C.

Actually, in D.C., all you need is one party's consent, so, smile.

Not when you're obstructing police business.

Ah, here we go.

(sirens wailing, indistinct radio transmission)

This is bad. Don't talk. Shh.

It makes them angry.

You've been through this before?

It's why I don't have a car.

Oh, great. Now what?

(car door bell dings)

(indistinct radio transmission)

Well, well, well.

What are the odds?

♪ We shall not, we shall not be moved ♪
♪ We shall not, we shall not be moved ♪
♪ Just like a tree that's standing by the water... ♪

Senator Healy, may we have a word?

So, you're a united front now?

You've been getting people to steal my security badge?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Call my office, make an appointment.

Right now, I have a floor to sit on.

We think you should stop this.

Check on your witness.

I think you'll find he's not available anymore.

It's not about your father.

"I love you, Lukey Pookie."

Isenstadt: This is about something more serious.

There's a sex tape.

♪ We shall not, we shall not be moved... ♪

Isenstadt: Not a good one.

♪ That's standing by the water ♪
♪ We shall not be moved... ♪

Thank you. (clears throat)

Thank you all.

♪ Black and white together... ♪

This has been an amazing achievement.

Now I think it's time to bring this sit-in to a close.

(senators exclaiming)

Crowd: What? No!

Healy: Yes!

Yes. We have made our point.

Now I think we should let the majority vote.

It's time.

(overlapping chatter)

Don't make any furtive movements.

Excuse me, I know how to be black.

‭ANTHONY: Turn around.

(indistinct radio transmission)

What's the fertilizer for?

My friend bought a tree.

Must be a big tree.

If you would just check my ID...

I have it.

No, you have my driver's license.

I mean my work ID.

It's in my back pocket. If you would just...

Do not reach in your pocket! Please.

Just check my back... pocket.

You work for the NSA?

Yes, sir.

I'm a senior intelligence officer.

Anthony: Damn it.

Sorry to bother you, Agent Triplett.

You folks are free to leave.

Sorry about the misunderstanding.

Thank you.

You're NSA?!

Of course. What'd you think?


That's insane.

(classical music playing)

Diane: All those in favor of allowing the budget to pass as is.

The motion is passed.

The budget will go in front of the full Senate without bifurcation.

(scattered applause)

There, you see that?

We can get things done after all.

We shall not be moved, my ass.


Damn it.

♪ We shall be... ♪

Look, the sentence needs to be precise and direct.

Luke: Well, your precision won't matter unless we get there in time.

Where are we?

Stockwell: Almost done.

So you didn't even bother voting?

You just let it go through?

It wouldn't have mattered. They had the numbers.

That's why you were doing the sit-in.

I don't understand.

Laurel, will you please stop telling me how to do my job?

Wasn't that the point?

Can you trust me? Sorry, I need to focus.


All motorcycle helmets are required to pass federal motor vehicle...

Are you serious?

You had a motorcycle helmet bill?

Yes. Very important. We have the votes for it.

Yes, Republicans, too.

Good. Let's go.

Wait... wait. What are you going to do?

The trick was to make the motorcycle helmet law public health policy, and give it a robust advertis...

Okay, I don't understand.

Once it's about the public health, the asterisk includes language that affects paragraph 1403, sub-paragraph six, footnotes 11...


The motorcycle helmet law overrides the farm bill on issues that cross state lines.

He lost.

He just doesn't know it yet.

Red: What the hell?!

"Funding for the federal motorcycle helmet law supersedes all funding for paragraph 1403..."

(angry muttering)

(shouting): Gareth!



Here she is.


Here I am.

Looks like it's come down to the two of us.

Sure does.

Come on in.


All the children have gone to bed.

It's just the adults now.

Shall we talk?


You go first.

What I don't understand is why you didn't say anything.

You didn't say anything about your car, either.

Yes, but there is a big difference between owning a BMW, and being a senior intelligence officer with the NSA.


‭Hey, guys.

Sorry to interrupt.

Where's Laurel?

She went upstairs to find you.


♪ dramatic music ♪

Your brother kind of tricked me with this helmet law.

Yes, he can be sneaky that way.

Seems to run in the family...



You were about to call me Lana, weren't you?

It doesn't matter.

We have the grassroots.

We have the gerrymandered districts.

You mean the crop circles.

We have everything for a permanent majority.

I look like her, don't I?

I looked online.

Except for the hair.

Maybe if I put it back?

How's that?

What are we talking about here?

Your first love.

My first love... was and is our great country.

You turned Lana in.

She was an illegal immigrant working in your dorm.


You were in love with her, but you hated the fact that you were in love with her.

This is disgusting.

You want to make everything about sex.

I didn't say anything about sex.

I said "love."

I couldn't have been in love with her.

She wasn't my type.

Then why do you keep calling me Lana?

Here's the truth.

You're ashamed of what you did.

I'm proud of what I did.

Then what did you do?

I turned in a woman who was in this country illegally.

She's d*ad now.

Did you know that?

You sent her to Guatemala.

She was born here, but her parents weren't.

You're making this up.


And you know I'm not.

Go on.

Let it out.

You know you want to.

Get it out.

You need to be...


What? Come on.

What do I need to be? I'm Lana.

What do I need to be?


(door opens)

(glass breaking)



(straining): Stop. No.



(straining): Why are you doing this?

(groans) ‭I love you, Gareth.

Why are you...?

Why are you...?


(Gareth panting)


My butt.


You sh*t me in the butt.

(Red grunts)

There it goes.

‭Hey, it's going under the door.

Laurel: Get it!

(crunch, squish)


Sorry, Senator. I'll...

I'll get some paper towels, and... clean this up.

Oh, and I got your smoothie.

(high-pitched screeching)

(screeching grows louder)

For years now, we've let Republicans rule this chamber.

Well, I am sick and tired of playing second fiddle to some of these...

(high-pitched screeching)

Diane: Senator.

Do you want to relinquish your time, Senator?

(high-pitched screeching)

(panicked screaming)

(high-pitched screeching)

Whoa, whoa.

♪ ♪

Gustav (sighs): How long is this supposed to take?

Rochelle: I don't know. Could be a day, could be a week.

Why don't you ask your NSA friends?

This is really bothering you, isn't it?

(sighs) I just...

I don't understand why we've been running around with salt and fertilizer, when you could have just waved your NSA magic wand.

My NSA magic wand?

Your government connections.

Your ability to wiretap.

First of all, I do not wiretap.


Second of all, I was on leave.

Third of all, this is only bothering you because you have a massive crush on me.

Okay. I'm going now.


You can't get enough of me.

My... magnetism.

I said, you can't get enough...

Five cherry blossoms? That's not enough.

There needs to be more than that.


(Rochelle laughing)

(both laughing)

Gustav: Ah, we did it!


(Rochelle squealing happily)

That's kind of gross.

(guitar playing upbeat melody)

Red: Hey, hey.

What's going on?

Welcome back, Senator.

♪ ♪
♪ Some things got much better ♪
♪ While some other things got worse ♪
♪ Let's tie up some loose ends ♪
♪ While the space bugs all disperse ♪
♪ All the head expl*si*n notwithstanding ♪
♪ Mostly everything turned out all right ♪
♪ Laurel's leaving politics ♪
♪ She's tired of D.C. ♪
♪ Someday she might finish her dream documentary ♪
♪ She and Gareth got a place together ♪
♪ They kiss and canoodle every night ♪

How many kids do you want?


Why? How-how many kids do you want?

The normal amount, like five or six.

♪ ♪
♪ Red made some mistakes ♪
♪ But never really paid the price ♪
♪ He stayed on as a senator ♪
♪ Got reelected twice ♪
♪ Easily distracted, not intelligent as such ♪
♪ Turns out having half a brain ♪
♪ Just doesn't matter all that much ♪

Well, I'm not a scientist.

Am I?

(quietly): No, sir.

So, I-I can't tell you 100% whether global warming is real, but, uh, doggy-woggy.

There is doggy-woggy.

Wh-why can't I have a doggy-woggy?

What I mean is, uh, there are those who, uh, believe that, uh, global warming is a conspiracy put forward by the Chinese.

You tell me.

♪ Same for all the senators ♪
♪ Who needs a perfect brain? ♪
♪ Powerful and stupid ♪
♪ But at least they're not insane ♪
♪ Somehow everything still holds together ♪
♪ Even when it's running off the rails ♪
♪ Dean lost something precious ♪
♪ And it really took a toll ♪
♪ He'd gladly trade his Parkinson's ♪
♪ For partial mind control ♪
♪ So the ending isn't perfect ♪
♪ But at least there's love and kindness when it fails ♪


♪ You can vote your conscience ♪
♪ You can vote to make a point ♪
♪ Or cut and dry your principles ♪
♪ And smoke them like a joint ♪
♪ Though we rarely rise to be the best that we can be ♪
♪ Just stand up and be a citizen ♪
♪ It's called democracy ♪
♪ Luke was forced to leave but got a better offer right away ♪
♪ A Wall Street firm with slightly fewer principles ♪
♪ And higher pay ♪
♪ Laurel came to help him ♪
♪ Right before another market crash ♪
♪ When everyone was long on risk ♪
♪ And dumbly, sadly, short on cash ♪
♪ But that's another story ♪
♪ That they'll write someday, I'll bet ♪
♪ And as for all the space bugs ♪
♪ Well, so far, nobody's seen them yet. ♪

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