01x05 - Asylum

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Borderline". Aired August 2016 - current.*
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"Borderline" follows the work of an inept team of UK border officials at the fictional Northend Airport.
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01x05 - Asylum

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ Take it over ♪
♪ I'm here to stay ♪
♪ One day you'll be lookin' ♪
♪ But there's no-one left ♪
♪ Don't drop, don't tell me to stop ♪
♪ Cos I'll be takin' over today ♪
♪ I'm takin' over this whole place ♪
♪ I'm on my way to outer space ♪
♪ Don't drop, don't tell me to stop ♪

The end of the working day approaches and it's been an unusually quiet period at North End Airport.

The agents have had very little of importance to do.

So much so that, earlier, one passenger was detained and interrogated for quite some time, after arousing the suspicions of agents Andy Church and Clive Hassler.

Just... Why don't you just ask him?

Well, I've detained him. He thinks...

He thinks something's really wrong.

I just flew in from New York.

I was doing some publicity, had to get out of there.

That's part of the job really.

Any... Any other questions?

Ah, yes.

Were you on Game of Thrones?

Was that...?

Yes.

I told you. Yeah. Told you. That's... That's great.

I did believe you, I just...

I've not seen it, so I didn't know.

Right.

When you read the script, were you like, "Whoa, I'm going to kiss so many ladies?"

Well, you know, there's...

There's a lot more to it than just kissing ladies.

OK. That's obviously part of...

You had to k*ll guys as well.

Yep.

Back in the office, as the team prepares to head home, Agent Tariq Mansoor has big plans for the evening.

Yeah, I've got my first gig tonight... in a long time and it's been a while but I'm feeling really, really surprised about it.

I'm a little bit nervous cos it's a big club.

I've been working out what I'm going to play, I've got my mixes down, so Ashford's going to get blown away.

I'm coming for you, Ashford.

Flushed with excitement, Agent Mansoor decides to invite colleague Agent Church to his important night.

Hey, fat face.

Don't know why I said that cos you don't have a fat face.

Well, that was weird. Yeah, sorry.

So, what's going on?

I've got a DJ gig tonight.

You've got a gig? That's great.

Uh-huh. Yeah.

You want to come?

Sure, maybe. Yeah. Cool.

Hey, fat faces.

What are you talking about?

Nothing.

Are you sure?

Uh-huh. All right.

Clive's, you know...

He's a good dude, you know, it's just that DJing's important to me - and Andy... I don't know, she just gets me.

I thought it'd be good to spend some quality time with her.

Mr Brad Pitt. Oh, I'm afraid you have the wrong extension.

You're going to want Tariq's, which is... seven...

Are you inside the building? Then it's eight first.

Just her.

The brush is next to the toilet for a reason.

Chief Inspector Linda Proctor is dealing with some important business when Agent Hassler arrives with his own urgent news.

I don't care about your mother, she's not the bloody queen. (she sighs) Oh, really?

Oh, well, I don't really care about that piss-flap either.

Yes? Trouble at the Home Office?

What do you want?

I have some information that you might be interested in.

(He hums fanfare)

Tariq is DJing tonight and he is inviting people from the office.

That is fantastic news.

My mother-in-law's coming over tonight.

Well, I think we should keep it like an office thing, but he's just invited Andy and I've been waiting to see him spin for so long.

You don't think he'd think about inviting us, do you?

No, no, I...

I'm too old.

Am I?

Maybe.

It'd just be great to get out there and see if I've still got it.

You know...

(She hums bassy dance song)

Yeah. Yeah.

It's perhaps unsurprising that Agent Hassler is so keen to let his hair down this evening, as this afternoon's interrogation was nothing short of exhaustive.

Any... Any further questions?

Well, I do have one more... Got it.

Yep. The swords. Real?

The swords on the show, were they real?

As the final few passengers of the day are processed, the team prepares to leave for the evening, when Agent Brody approaches Agent Church with an anomaly.

Hey, Andy, Andy.

Can I have a quick word?

Yeah, sure, what's going on?

So, I've got this lady from Zurich.

What's the problem? Well, she said she's from Switzerland, but I don't know.

I don't really want to say...

Oh, Grant, I think you might be...

Profiling. Yeah, I know and I've been trying hard. I have.

Agent Brody has been trying to reform his tendency to stop passengers by racially profiling them, so is a little hesitant to bring this case to the team's attention.

She started talking to me and I'm trying really hard and... and then she gives me this.

Is this a fake passport?

Is it? I mean, "Yeah, it is."

Grant, I think you might have just legitimately detained someone.

(He groans)

That's a good thing. That's a good thing.

Meanwhile, Agent Hassler has established that he and Chief Inspector Proctor are equally enthused about Agent Mansoor's DJ night - and so, he sets about securing an invite.

Hey, Tariq, what are you doing tonight... for example?

I'm going to have a quick drink and then I'm just going to...

I know that you have a DJ gig tonight.

I'm sorry, I got too excited, I couldn't hold it in.

You wouldn't like it.

But I am invited?

It's garage, type of house music. I like it.

I'll learn... I'll learn to...

I bet that I'll love i t.

Can I come?

Sold out.

Yeah. It's ticketed?

Absolutely. Yeah, and it's...?

Sold... Totally... Totally sold out.

No tickets on the door? No, no.

Damn. Sorry, man.

Oh, no, it's OK.

I just... don't know what I'm going to tell Proctor.

She's going to be my plus one.

What? What was that?

What? Proc... What?

It's like, when you bring an extra person - you plus one.

It's two tickets but it's just like I'm the main guest.

This is the passenger from Switzerland who was detained by Agent Brody.

As he's determined to avoid his tendency to racially profile passengers, this is a delicate situation.

You say you're from Switzerland, but do you speak Swiss?

Grant, Swiss is not a language.

Really?

So, what do they...? What do they speak?

They speak German, French, Italian and English.

Look we're sorry to keep you waiting here, it's just that you've...

Come through the border with a fake passport.

Let me explain.

My name is Dr Jamila Apiloko.

I am from Nigeria, and I'm here to claim asylum.

Something about you...

Knew you weren't Swiss.

I'm sorry, Dr Apiloko, did you say that you're here to claim asylum?

You're an asylum seeker?

Yes, and a professor.

Wow, I bare...

I barely got my GCSEs.

There's still time.

So, why did you choose North End Airport?

Well, there's some fantastic deals from Zurich... Really?

...and I had to leave Nigeria before I was m*rder*d.

Turns out, Jamila, the doctor, connected through Zurich to try and get here without arousing suspicion.

If she goes back to Nigeria then they'll put her in jail or worse.

Not because she's dangerous, but because of who she's in love with.

I mean, I'm in love with a woman, too... but you don't get sent to jail for that here.

So... these...

The deals from Zurich, are they...?

OK, I'm going to get Proctor.

And, just like that, there's a major case for the Borderline team.

Agent Church needs to ensure things are handled with dignity and professionalism, so takes the news to Chief Inspector Proctor - who, up to now, has been more concerned with preparing for Agent Mansoor's DJ night.

What do you think?

I... Yeah, I think, "That's a fun woman."

Hello. Not too much?

Cos I was going to wear a dress but then I didn't want to look like I was trying too hard.

So, I just thought, you know, jumpsuit.

It could be a bit masculine but then also, the lace...

Yeah, no, that helps.

Only problem is, if I need a wee, I'm going to be sitting in a public toilet completely naked, in a pool of other people's piss.

Well, that's a lovely image but... I've got a situation in the interview room.

Oh, yeah? What is it?

We've got an asylum seeker.

What did you just say?

We have an actual asylum seeker.

Oh, sh*t.

Have you heard the news? Oh, yeah, I've just told her.

Ah, you just told her? Yeah.

Tariq's DJ night is sold out.

(He sighs)
The arrival of the asylum seeker has given the team a renewed sense of purpose, as their only other case was earlier in the day, and involved extensive questioning of a passenger, detained on suspicion of being in Game of Thrones.

Was it cool to be a king?

Yep.

When you were at home, were you ever like, "I wish I could be a king again," and then someone says...

You're like,"Hey, give me that," and they're li ke, "No," then you could be like, "Ah, if I was the king, you'd give it to me."

Who do you think should be the rightful heir of Westeros?

I haven't read it so...

Oh, that's... weird.

Why would you not have read it?

Well, I read the script. It's all...

Everything's...

You get a lot more detail in the books.

It, sort of, takes you back through the history of...

How did you... ? Andy, he doesn't want to answer questions about that.

Were all those people really naked?

I haven't read Game.... Have you seen the size of those books?

They're like a doorstop each and there's, like, five of them.

Forget that, there's no time.

Do you need me here now?

No, we can do this anywhere.

It's near the end of shift at North End Airport and, apart from a thorough 90-minute interrogation of a man suspected of being Robert Baratheon on Game of Thrones, today has been largely uneventful for the Borderline team.

Though, even on a quiet day, it's important to keep on top of mundane tasks... such as retrieving files.

However, as they were preparing to leave for the evening, the arrival of the airport's first-ever asylum seeker changed the team's plans.

Dr Jamila Apiloko fled Nigeria amidst fears for her safety, after falling in love with another woman.

Now, she's sharing some happy memories from her childhood.

So, my mother slapped my face and I began to cry, and she said, "Now that you're ugly, "maybe you'll make some friends."

Wow, that is... some story there.

Small hint of child abuse but...

I though my mother was tough.

Listen, we're going to do everything we can to try to help you, no matter how long it takes, OK?

What about your DJ night?

No, it's sold out, remember?

No, no. I called the venue, they said it's cool... Did you?

All four of us can get in. Cos I rang up and they said they didn't have any tickets at all. Excuse me.

Can we please stay focused?

Sorry, Doctor.

This woman is amazing and now her future is in the hands of North End Airport... and Grant, who thinks that Swiss is a language.

Having established that the amazing Dr Apiloko is a genuine candidate to claim asylum, Chief Inspector Linda Proctor calls an emergency meeting to discuss how to deal with the situation ethically and professionally.

So, there is a certain procedure that we need to follow.

Firstly...

The screening interview. Yes, yes.

The screening interview. Thank you.

Then if she passes the screening interview, we'll be sending her on her way to... Where is it again?

The visa place in Croydon... Croydon for her official application, then we'll have to find her a lawyer.

See? It's easy to remember everything once you get started.

Now, obviously, this means that we will have to stay a bit later and I know that we were all looking forward to seeing Tariq DJ.

Just me and Andy. Just you and me?

Yeah, you still want to go?

Yeah, I said, "Maybe." OK, guys, focus.

Now, Grant... Aye?

...you stopped Miss Apiloko, so you will be lead agent.

You'll be responsible for conducting the screening interview and then for moving her on to Croydon.

Now, it's a very important task, you will need to stay focused.

Oh, sorry, it's just when you said, "Lead agent", erm...

I forgot what you were saying so...

Shall I help Grant?

Yes, Andy, great. Thank you.

So, team, as I was saying...

The team must mobilise to try and process Dr Apiloko's plea for asylum as quickly as possible.

It means they'll have to stay on late, but no-one seems to mind.

It's kind of like everyone's on a stakeout.

You know, it's just like...

"Oh, man. Hey, give me some more of that cwo... coffee. We're going to be here all night."

(Inaudible)

"Oh, yeah? Well, we better.."

"What was that?"

Hi, this is Andy Church from North End Airport.

We have an asylum seeker.

North End Airport.

North End.

Hi, I'm going to need an immigration lawyer sent to North End Airport.

North End.

No, I swear we're an actual airport.

Pepperoni.

Large.

Thin crust.

And Hawaiian.

Is the pepperoni always round?

Yeah, no, it's not a problem.

Over the last couple of hours, the agents have been relentless in their efforts but, before the big moment, they take a minute to refuel.

OK, guys, listen up.

OK, so you've all worked really hard today but, in order for this to pay off, we need to rely on Grant. Aye.

Are you clear on your duties?

Aye.

If she answers all the questions correctly then she's going to Croydon.

If she doesn't...

Well... then we're going to have to send her back home.

It's a huge responsibility for Agent Brody.

As it was he who originally detained Dr Apiloko, he's legally responsible for conducting the screening interview, alone.

The team are fully aware that the future safety of this brave woman lies solely in his hands.

I've got this.

I've got this one.

Do you want to take in a slice of pizza for her?

That's a... Aye, be a good idea.

Right, wish me luck with her.

Wait, Grant!

She'll probably need some napkins.

Thanks.

We just have to be careful.

There's a lot of pressure on us , you know, from powers above.

But I think everyone's got a good head on their shoulders.

We take the time to see everyone for who they are.

We can be here in the UK and we can forget sometimes of the world outside, but we're good at our jobs.

So, what time are you leaving for your gig?

Well, now that we're working on this, I actually had to cancel it.

Oh, thank God. Now I don't have to go. Very funny.

No, it's good of you to stay.

Yeah, I'm OK with it, actually.

It's important, you know?

Plus it's nice to hang out with mates.

(Phone vibrates)

Oh.

Is that someone thanking you for not doing the gig?

No, it's Monica.

Are you guys still seeing each other?

Kind of. Not really.

Oh. Sorry to pry.

No, no, you're not prying at all.

She thinks...

She's convinced... I should probably finish this form.

For Agent Brody, Dr Apiloko's case is new and challenging professional territory.

Fully aware of how high the stakes are, he aps up the most important interview of his life.

It's now quite late in the evening, so only the few agents who feel emotionally connected to the case remain.

What happened?

I... I got her through.

She's going to Croydon.

(They sigh in relief)

That's the first time anyone's ever been excited about going to Croydon.

I should stop making jokes in... these situations.

Today's been incredible for the Borderline team, ending with an emotional goodbye to Dr Apiloko as she continues her journey to safety.

The agents have rarely felt such a sense of collective accomplishment, not least because they'd already successfully processed another detainee earlier that day.

Yeah. Anything else that you...?

Were you disappointed that your character got k*lled off so early?

Cos youn don't know where the next work is coming from...

Well, you know, that's the...

That's the story that's... there in the script.

But could you, like, ask to...?

Could you have asked to....? To stay alive?

Yeah.

Not really.

It's a...

Do you...?

Do you need anything else from me now?

Cos I've got to...

Oh, yeah. Sorry, no, you're not being detained.

I just wanted you to meet Andy.

I'm just a big fan of Game of Thrones. So, he said...

OK. Well, you know, nice to...

Nice to meet you. I'll...

You can, yeah, let yourself out, cos obviously...

Do they let you keep...? No, sorry.

Thanks.

The question that I get asked most frequently was, "Was it fun doing Game of Thrones?"

Yes, it was.

Not fun answering that question.

It happens a lot but not, generally, in airports by officials.

What a guy.

Really sweet guy.

"Dear diary..."

You know?

That was at 1:19pm.

Six hours and 41 minutes later, the team are still in the office celebrating the clearance of their first asylum seeker.

That equals an astonishing 13 hours of work - most of them productive.

You look like you're quite scared of the dolphins in that.

True story? Aye, it's a true story. He was brutal.

Mel Gibson's now a legend in Scotland.

Listen, I've got an idea.

This might come as a bit of a surprise but I happen to have a bottle of whisky in my office.

You mean the Proctor Locker?

The what? The drawer in your office that's full of alcohol.

There is no such drawer.

Yeah, I've had a drink from there.

I've seen you... Three, four, maybe five times a day.

OK, OK. Look, we're getting a little bit off topic.

What I'm trying to say is we can celebrate here.

We haven't got anywhere else to go, so...

Great. Yeah, sure thing.

Oh, my God.

This is the best day ever.

Perhaps you could spin some tunes, Tariq.

Sure, why not? Oh, my God.

♪ I've been waiting to see you spin ♪
♪ And now I'm going to get to see him spin. ♪

Do you have that one?

I just made it up, so probably not.

All right, I'll play you my best stuff.

(Synth music plays)

Sometimes things are hard, sometimes things are tricky, but you can change lives by working together... and making each other feel like human beings.

Now I'm off to the beautiful city of Croydon.

I'm lucky.

It's been an extraordinary day for the Borderline team culminating in a well-earned celebration.

But even as they kick back and let their hair down, amidst the buoyant mood, there's still time for a moment of reflection.

I'll be honest with you, when I used to think about Africa, I thought about mosquitoes and The Lion King.

Now when I think about... Africa, I think of kind people... and lesbians.
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