01x01b - The Undergrounders

[bunniefuu]

The train to the Museum of Natural History should be here any...

Forty-one seconds.

Forty-one seconds from now, apparently.

I'm really looking forward to seeing some paleontology, archeology... all the ologies, really.

Milo, you're an ology unto yourself.

Oh! Forgot my student discount.

[BEEPS]

Thanks, Amanda.

Melissa, is there ever a time you haven't forgotten something?

Yeah, February 30th or 31st... I forget.

Neither of those are dates.

I'll be giving a tour for anyone who's not going to be at the "Milo Show".

Bradley, I don't have a performance planned.

Sure, you say that now, but then one geyser comes through the floor, and suddenly, Milo's the center of attention.

Oops! I'm stuck.

Cue geyser. [ALL LAUGHING]

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Interesting tidbit about the Museum of Natural History, it was...

Shh! We're watching Milo in the turnstile.

It's like he's on Cirque du Subway.

[YELLS]

Should we wait for the next one?

Nah, he's got it. In three, two, one...

[YELLING]

This floor is a lot cleaner than I expected.

Man: [ON PA] Next stop, the Museum of Natural History.

So, this is the subway?

You've never been on it?

It's dark and dirty and full of weird smells.

That was their ad campaign last year.

[WIND HOWLING IN DISTANCE]

Hey, you guys ever hear about those mole people?

[NERVOUSLY] No.

The urban legend?

A subspecies of humanish creatures roaming the tunnels searching for prey.

Maybe we'll meet some.

Rather meet them aboveground.

Then they wouldn't be mole people, they'd be...

People.

[THUDDING]

Does it usually do this?

Well, sometimes. When the coupling's loose.

Zack: The coupling's loose? What does that even mean?

I better put on my seat belt.

How's that going to work?

Easy, you insert the tab into the buckle until you hear a click. Like this.

[BOTH GRUNT]

Oh, I get it now.

I would've had extras, but you know, the llama incident.

And so, that's when the planetarium removed Pluto from the cosmo show.

Man, Pluto has to be a planet.

An astrologer told me it's in my fourth house.

No, Pluto... [THUDDING]

The other car came off! Milo's in there.

Of course he is.

So, that's what a runaway train car looks like.

I'll be honest, I'm a little disappointed.

[MUSIC]

[ZACK YELLING]

[RUMBLING]

[SCREAMING]

Well, at least we're aboveground. [CHUCKLES]

[YELLING]

[ZACK AND MELISSA YELLING]

[BATS SCREECHING]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Milo: And then to unbuckle it, you press down this button. [CLICKS]

[EXHALES] Locked. How can these be locked?

Does it usually do this?

[GRUNTS] The windows don't open either.

What is the point of a window that doesn't open?

It provides work for window washers and glass installation professionals.

And the ceiling. Is there usually a ceiling?

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Zack, are you by chance claustro...

Not claustrophobic.

Just claustro-avoidant.

I avoid enclosed places when possible.

Probably not possible right now.

It's better if I'm distracted.

Okay, wait.

Not helping.

How about this?

[ACCORDION PLAYING]

Now I'm distracted. Have you been carrying that the whole time?

I try to pack for any eventuality.

Now let's see about getting those doors open.

Ah, here we go.

Okay, next time, key first, tap dancing later.

This is amazing.

Look! A fossil!

Chicken wing. Circa 1993.

See? Nothing can live under here! Not even chickens.

Could be worse.

How?

Mysterious underground creatures?

I guess that would be worse.

No, mysterious underground creatures are coming towards us.

[MUSIC]

Silver lining, things can live down here.

Man: Someone hit the lights.

[CLICKS]

Huh, I'll be honest. I'm a little disappointed.

Young people from the overland.

You shall be our leaders!

No, no, we have a leader. It's Dave.

'Sup?

It's a democratic hierarchical society.

Wait a minute. Who are you guys?

We live below. The call us the "Belownies."

No, they don't, Scott. We voted on this.

"Belownies" sounds like a lunch meat.

We're called the Undergrounders.

I am the wise healer among my peoples.

He is a pipe fitter.

Where are we?

We call our world Subterranus.

[SOFTLY] Terranus, terranus...

That one's true. He just wanted it so badly.

I wore them down.

So, where you kids headed?

Class trip to the museum. I helped organize it.

He shall be our leader.

How long have you been down here?

Since the before times.

Uh, about a month, actually.

We were building an extension on this line but we got lost, so we figured we'd better establish a new civilization.

Wow! You established a new civilization in a month?

You'd be surprised how much you can get done when you're not constantly setting up and moving orange cones.

I shall be the leader!

Seriously, Scott.

So, you've got agriculture, art, rudimentary government...

Licorice, somehow. You're actually going to eat that?

I'm trying to distract myself from the walls moving in on us.

I wonder what part of the chicken is this?

The rat part.

Granola bars?

Oh. He bears the sweet manna of the overland!

Oh, no thanks. I just had some "chicken" and kinda lost my appetite.

[SNIFFING] Diogee? What are you doing here?

Please be rescuing us.

The floppy-eared one shall be our leader.

Weren't you allergic to dogs?

Oh... Right, you know what? Yeah, yeah, I actually am.

Wait, Diogee, our leader.

We are not starting our own civilization.

They taste worse than they smell.

Diogee always knows the way home.

Diogee, go home!

[ALL CHEERING]

Man: I enjoy running.

[GRUNTS]

[RUMBLING]

[BOTH YELLING]

No! Melissa! Milo!

Zack: Are you guys okay?

Yeah, we're okay, if you call being buried alive okay.

I see light pass this one rock. Maybe if we can move...

[GRUNTS] No, no, it won't budge.

Don't worry. I've got my backpack right...

What was that?

Hmm. Well, okay, maybe you can worry a little bit.

[GASPS] Oh, dear. 13, 14, 15...

Oh! I could swear we had 18 kids.

Can you read my writing? Is that a five or an eight?

Any minute now, Milo is going to show up and everybody is gonna be like, "Oh, Milo, tell us about your adventure."

But until then, I'm having my best day ever.

Mort, do you really need more rose quartz?

If you understood its properties, you wouldn't be asking me that.

Okay, here's the plan.

Someone crawl though and jimmy out that rock from the front.

I don't think any of us can fit.

I can fit, I think.

But, Zack, you're claustro-avoidant.

Are you sure you wanna do this?

No, I'm sure I don't wanna do it. But you guys need me.

Man: Good luck, kid.

Scott: It was nice knowing you.

Hey, that was my flashlight.

Man: Scott...

Scott: But he's gonna use up the batteries.

Is there another flashlight in there?

Scott: See?

My backup "backup" got crushed.

I can barely see.

Not much to see, just kind of a tiny enclosed suffocating...

You know what? Never mind.

You can do this.

Think of how you faced down wolves and survived an alien abduction.

And that's just since we've met.

I'm sure you did lots of stuff before that.

Nope, never did anything.

What if this rock is all that's holding this up?

Don't worry. I'm sure it'll all work out.

How do you know?

Because it has so far.

Relatively speaking?

Okay, on three. One, two, three!

It's clear! Yeah!

Yeah!

See? I told you it would hold.

Well, it held long enough.

You totally saved us.

He shall be our leader.

Both: Yeah, he shall.

Thanks, guys.

I am impressed, kid.

I would've just let them start a new society in there.

Hey, where's Diogee?

[BARKS]

All: Diogee!

[BARKS]

[MUSIC]

You know, we have no idea where these tracks go.

I'm sure it'll all work out.

You're sure?

He uses that term loosely.

Milo: Uh-oh.

I got this.

Ooh. Or not.

[ALL SCREAMING]

Oh, we survived.

Uh-oh.

Maybe not.

Scott: Oh, come on!

Yeah, I guess, maybe if you squint, it could be a five.

[STUDENTS EXCLAIMING]

Nope, it was an eight. [CHUCKLES]

Milo, tell us about your adventure.

And we're back.

What will you guys do now?

There is no place in your world for us now.

Then you can stay, Scott. Me, I'm gonna go check my DVR.

I've got a month of the Doctor Zone Files to catch up on.

Oh, that means you missed it when the trash...

No spoilers.

[ALL SAYING GOODBYE]

I shall return to Subterranus.

[SOFTLY] Terranus, terranus...

And you will be my leader.

Oh, sorry, I'm trapped in a rib cage right now.

Interesting tidbit, stegosaurus ribs are...

Never mind. [CACKLING]

He saw something in me.

Whatever he saw, he also saw it in a dog.

[IMITATING SCOTT] The floppy eared one will be our leader.

[BARKS]

[MUSIC]

♪ We're all livin' in it ♪
♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪

Milo: ♪ Oh, thanks, everybody That is so motivational ♪

♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪
♪ Whoa ♪
♪ I'm not sitting here watching the world turn ♪
♪ You know I'd rather spin it ♪
♪ Go, Milo Go, Milo, go ♪
♪ It's my world and we're all livin' in it ♪