03x03 - Last Days of Books

[bunniefuu]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

What's with the canvas?

Some artist friends are coming over, and we're gonna give Yves Klein a run for his money.

Sounds messy.

Speaking of, how's Josh?

I'm lying and he's wasting his youth.

But I think we're happy.

Enjoy it and don't think so much.

Also take anything out of the living room that you care about unless you want it back in a different color.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Glad you could stop in, Bryce.

Have you had a chance to look at the press release?

I have.

Any comments?

It's basic-ass boilerplate.

Excuse me. "Basic-ass"?

Bryce is being generous.

This release is vague and stodgy.

And nowhere in this document do I read the words "ground-breaking" or "visionary."

Kim's been my publicist since MIT.

I'd like her to take a pass.

We typically handle press releases in-house.

I'm so sorry I'm so late.

The barista was having a particularly bad day and felt like sharing.

I guess I just have an open face.

And an open mouth.

Could you...

Okay.

You're still drinking coffee.

We switched to coffee cubes a while ago.

Oh, I've been wanting to try those.

You can.

This is so sad.

I'm sorry; what does this have to do with the press release?

You can't describe a flavor you've never tasted, Deeana.

Where you see a circle, Bryce sees a tree.

Uh, put out the release as is.

I think we have bigger fish.

He's given us a lot of money.

I think he just wants to be heard.

Well, I hear him.

The question is, should I be listening?

[forced laugh]

I'm laughing, but I'm not happy.

[phone chimes]

_

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?

It's not me.

It's the Book Nook.

It might be closing.

What?

That's impossible.

The Book Nook's an institution.

Which hasn't turned a profit in years.

Rumor has it a SoulCycle may be moving in.

"Be careful what you wish for" is the story of my life.

This is so sad.

We used to sit in those big brown chairs at the Nook every Saturday for hours and read.

And gossip.

Well, it's not a done deal yet.

The book club is getting together tonight to plan a fundraiser to help save the store.

We really need you here, Liza.

I feel like my best memories of that store are with you.

I'll be there.

[upbeat music]

♪ I clock out my 9:00 to 5:00 ♪
♪ I'm ready for the weekend ♪
♪ To bring me back to life ♪
♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

Okay, I don't want to do this.

Uh-uh. No, no, no.

You haven't been out since Thad passed.

And I know you, Kels.

You have to keep swimming or you die.

That's sharks.

Yeah, sharks and you, girl.

Come on, this is gonna be fun.

Okay, oh, nope. Gross.

Ooh! Yes, winner.

[gasps]

Do you like a super thin mustache?

Okay, can you stop pointing?

It's rude not to point in here.

Mm.

Do you work at PJ Clarke's in Tribeca?

What? No.

Are you sure?

I work in finance, so I'm there a lot, and you look really familiar.

Well, my fiancé worked in finance...

Ex-fiancé.

He d*ed recently.

Wow, that's... tough.

Yeah.

Eww. What a psycho.

Okay, you sit on your perch...

Okay.

And smolder, okay?

I'ma go find us a home base, all right?

Stay. I'ma text you.

♪ ♪

♪ I'm chillin' with my whole crew ♪
♪ Everybody... ♪

Please tell me you're not in a relationship.

It just ended.

What's wrong with that guy?

He d*ed.

♪ ♪

What, um...

Dead.

Bam.

Dead ex. Dead ex.

♪ Mm, don't be surprised ♪
♪ That's what I do, I slap ♪

[dance music]

[singing indistinctly]

♪ ♪

_

Lauren Heller?

Yes, the one and only.

Max Horowitz.

Oh, my God, Max?

Camp Rahmah!

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Last time we saw each other, I think we were both getting checked for lice in the nurse's office Yeah, I remember.

You told me that lice was one of the many bugs I had living on my body.

Yes, always had the mad skills with the ladies.

[chuckling]

Why do you have all those pagers?

Oh, I'm a doctor now. Well, intern.

God, that makes so much sense.

Hi, hi. How's it going?

Terrible.

What?

As soon as guys find out about Thad, they bolt.

Okay, how are they finding out?

I don't know. It just comes up.

You try having a dead fiancé and not mentioning it.

Hi, I'm Max.

Hi, Max.

I'm leaving.

What? Kelsey, please don't go.

I just... I need some alone time; okay, you stay.

Okay, okay, okay, okay.

But text me. Text me if you need anything.

Okay.

Both: Bye.

Ooh, that's a long story.

She's... she'll be fine.

So, uh, where were we?

Um, lice check.

Should I get us a drink before we start talking color wars?

Oh, yeah.

Yes.

I have a lot to say about that, actually.

That Blue Team was definitely doping.

All right. All right, yeah.

Well, I'll be right back.

Okay.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

Okay, do I have to wax?

Please.

[laughter, indistinct chatter]

Oh, it is so good to see that face.

I've been worried about you ever since you quit Neiman's.

Oh, I'm fine.

That commute from Brooklyn was too far.

Too far away from that boy toy of yours, huh?

Mm. Everybody's here.

All: Hey!

Here, drink this.

We're all already two Bloody Mary Shelleys deep.

[women cheer]

I really want to thank all you ladies for coming out.

Maybe I'm being stubborn, but I am just not ready to let this place go.

Well, neither are we.

I think we need to get people's attention.

Let the community know we may lose a landmark.

Attention would be great, but we need money.

I still think the best idea we've had so far is the calendar.

What's the calendar?

We started a Kickstarter to do a nudie calendar like in that movie.

Oh, wow.

But then Leslie's husband started a Kickstarter to stop us.

He made double the amount of money we have...

Thinks it's hilarious.

Yeah, but it's all going to the bookstore, so either way, we win.

We should do it.

I call July.

Me, in a star-spangled top hat, naked as a kitten.

That's gettin' eyeballs.

[laughter]

I'd slip a nip for the Nook.

Oh, you know I'm all in.

What about you, Liza?

I have seen that ass at Zumba.

What do you say?

Oh.

And those legs?

You could be the maypole of May.

I don't know.

April and May.

We could stretch those things over two months.

Oh, my God, yes!

Are we sure this is the best idea?

Yes.

Heck yes.

♪ Best friends for life ♪

[upbeat music]

How was the book club meeting?

Memorable, as always.

But we're definitely gonna lose The Book Nook.

Everybody wants easy and simple and online.

No one wants to go inside an actual store anymore.

It's sad.

I used to take Caitlin there every Saturday for story hour.

You can't replace that with a click.

Trust me, I get it.

I mean, now there's no good place to go to the bathroom in Midtown since that Borders closed.

[laughs] What?

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

I've been dreaming of this day since I was 12 years old.

I have a girlfriend.

Ugh.

Wha...

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Well, the press release came out.

"Hungry Tech Titan Feeds on Publishing House."

That's not good.

Thank you, Miss Marple.

Every news outlet's reporting the same.

They're calling it a "cultural disaster."

They're not wrong. I mean, it feels like paper books aren't long for this world, and that is a cultural disaster.

Bryce wants to meet right now.

Where is he?

The Great Wall of China.

This is amazing!

Stop swinging your arms.

Where are Bryce and Kim?

Behind you.

We were in the middle of a quest when we got the news.

"The Post" called me a cultural predator.

This is just old media feeling threatened by new media.

Everyone is in a technopanic.

Well, why don't we go back to the 1400s and k*ll the printing press?

He's really upset.

You guys need to make this un-happen.

We will definitely put our heads together.

No one wants bad press.

And let's not let ego get in the way.

If you need me, you know where to find me.

Where's that, Narnia?

We should go discuss this someplace... out of goggles.

Where's Liza?

Oh! I'm over here.

You can see over the edge of the wall!

Oh, God, this is not good for my vertigo.

I'm going over!

[thud]

Ow.

[knock at door]

Come in.

Hey.

Hey, there. How's Diana?

Oh, uh, refused to see a doctor, but happy to treat me like a nurse.

Please sit.

Um, about Bryce...

I have kind of a crazy idea.

I am open to anything.

My hometown bookstore's about to close.

The town is trying to raise money to save it, but it doesn't look good.

If Bryce donated money to keep it going, it would be enormous for the store and good press for him.

Or maybe I'm just being selfish.

That store was my sanctuary.

It's where I first really fell in love with literature.

And it was a great hang out.

My friends and I would sit around with our coffees on the weekends for hours and complain about our hus...

Homework.

Well, I think it's a great idea.

Really?

I'm gonna pitch it to Bryce... on the phone.

Thank you.

Thank you.

And it was Diana's idea.

You don't have to say that.

I do.

It was so real, Kels.

I saw a panda.

What? [gasps]

Code Bread.

What's Code Bread?

Lauren is on a bottomless breadstick binge, which means something is really wrong.

I don't have the emotional reserve to deal with this alone.

Okay.

Come on.

Max is just... He's so different than the people I'm normally attracted to.

You know, he's my age. He's hetero.

He's a doctor.

Oh, my God. Am I basic?

No, you are not basic.

No, no, you're right; that's insane.

That's... but what if I'm straight?

So?

Ew!

Lauren, sexuality is a spectrum, remember?

You told me that.

Yes, when we first met and I was trying to make out with you!

And now I look at you and I feel nothing.

Thanks.

[phone chimes]

Um, hold on.

Oh, my God, it's a picture of us from camp.

Ah, Max's mom found it.

Oh, my God, he's already told his mom about me.

I should end it.

Or should I run over to the hospital and blow him in the call room?

I mean, he's on a break, which he rarely gets, and it would help me get my edge back.

You know, I'm gonna go. I am.

Don't tell Maggie about this, okay?

Not until I figure it out. Bye.

A man twisted his ankle running away from me last night, and she meets a doctor?

Life's a mystery.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Liza!

You okay?

Charles had to leave, but he told me about your bookstore idea.

It was a sh*t in the dark.

I was just trying anything.

Bryce is on board.

He's gonna donate $300,000, which will cover the rent for the next five years and get him a lot of good press.

So... good thinking.

Cradle, don't squeeze. I'm injured.

Hey, any good news?

A lot of it, actually.

This tech investor guy showed up out of nowhere and offered to pay The Book Nook's rent for the next five years!

What? You're kidding me!

No, I am not.

He is flying here tomorrow in a helicopter.

We're all gonna go to the park and meet him.

God, I cannot believe it.

And to think how he found out about us.

How's that?

Well, obviously the Kickstarter for the nudie calendar.

I mean, how else is some Silicon Valley guy gonna hear about our little bookstore?

Well, if that's the case, he might be expecting a show.

Oh, honey, you know I'm ready.

[laughing]

[energetic music]

♪ ♪

Hey!

You ready to go to Jersey?

Oh, no, I'm gonna stay here and hold down the fort.

What?

Oh, here you go, sir.

You're coming.

When we land at the bookstore, people are gonna want to thank you.

Lean in, girl.

Oh, no, it's okay, really.

You know, I still have some PTSD from the whole mall experience.

Isn't it your hometown?

Yes.

But you know what they say: you should never go home again.

Or you probably shouldn't.

[stammers] Especially with coworkers.

Plus I need to stay in the office for Diana.

Oh, is she still "hurt"?

Yes.

But she'll tough it out, because that's what we do in publishing.

This was your idea, Liza.

I'd like you to be there.

[driving techno music]

[phone line trilling]

Hey.

It's all over, Maggie.

As soon as that helicopter lands, my two worlds are gonna collide.

Oh, my God. Liza.

What am I gonna do?

[sighs]

Do you have a parachute?

Liza!

Hustle!

♪ ♪

[helicopter rotors whooshing]

♪ ♪

Here it comes!

[cheers and applause]

[helicopter rotors whirring]

[indistinct radio chatter]

I've got to tell you all something.

People in this town know me.

And it's possible they might be saying things about me which might be confusing.

[phone chimes]

I'm not the person you think I am, and I... I don't want you to be shocked.

♪ ♪

Take it back up.

We're not landing.

What?

What do you mean?

Kim just told me that Old Man Zuckerberg rescued an independent bookstore in Detroit staffed by orphans or some sh*t.

I can't look like I'm copying him.

Well, you can send it anonymously.

Take it back up, Ryan.

Oh, God, it's like the Great Wall of China all over again.

[laughter]

It looks like it's turning around.

Oh, no, it's just circling.

No, it's going back up!

Do they not know it's us?

All: Hey! Hey!

Someone show their tits!

Hey!

[screams]

Come back!

[indistinct radio chatter]

What were you gonna say?

Huh?

You said you didn't want us to be shocked.

Did I?

Yes, and you also said you weren't the person we thought you were.

Who are you then? What's the big bad secret?

Uh...

I... I was a slut in high school.

[knocking at door]

Hi.

Hey, hot stuff.

Hey.

Hey, can we hang out later?

I'm kind of in the middle of a project.

This is important.

Um, Maggie... [sighs] I...

I ran into an old friend that I haven't seen in, like, forever.

Uh-huh.

And, um, we hooked up.

Oh.

Okay.

What's her name?

Uh, his name... is Max.

Oh.

He's nice and he's sweet and he's cute as a little button, you know, but, God, he's so traditional, you know?

I mentioned a thruple, and he said that he didn't want to share me, which, I mean, that's 100% adorable, but I don't know; this whole thing is just so not me.

Look, Lauren, I mean this with love.

Stop trying to be so interesting.

Excuse me?

Just date the guy.

What? Really?

Yeah.

Oh. [whimpers] Maggie.

[sighs]

You'll always be my owl.

That's sweet.

You're gonna be okay, right?

I think so.

Okay.

Yeah.

Um, I'll call you.

Both: Okay.

Bye.

[techno music]

♪ ♪

So... where were we?

♪ 'Cause they know I got the recipe ♪
♪ Yeah ♪

♪ ♪

I still don't know how we fix this negative publicity.

Don't worry about that.

We'll release good books, and good press will follow.

I guess.

So I heard your fiancé was pancaked by a steel beam.

He was.

So then you're single?

Yeah.

Cool.

The fact that my fiancé d*ed, that doesn't bother you?

I mean, I didn't know him.

Why would I care?

Thank you for not caring.

People say hot, meaningless sex helps the grieving process.

Bye, Bryce.

[funky music]

I still have the helicopter.

We can go hover over the Coldplay concert in the park?

I am so sorry this didn't work out.

Me too.

Honestly, I'm starting to question whether it was smart to bring someone like Bryce on.

The company needs the money.

Yeah, but you never know what's gonna happen when you get in bed with a 26-year-old.

♪ ♪

♪ Ooh, la, la ♪

♪ ♪

That's a... business term.

Of course.

See you tomorrow, Liza.

♪ Ooh, la, la ♪
♪ Ooh, la, la, ooh, la, la ♪

[upbeat music]

Okay, I'm gonna have one, maybe two drinks, and then say good-bye.

You have as many as you want.

I'm sorry again about the bookstore.

It's okay.

Bryce was only a temporary fix.

I'd have had to say good-bye eventually.

Have fun.

[both laugh]

[pensive pop music]

♪ ♪

♪ I only care for what I care for ♪

Isn't this where we used to stand every Saturday and listen to June read to the kids?

It sure is.

That's when we had the idea for the book club.

Huh.

I thought I had the idea for the book club.

Well, maybe an early permutation, but not the book club.

That was me and you.

[gasps] Look.

Here's the wine stain from when Sherry explained sensation play to Joanne.

[laughter]

Oh, my God.

If we're gonna re-live the "Fifty Shades" night, I gotta get the hard stuff.

[laughter]

♪ This is life ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Today and tomorrow ♪

Hey.

Hey.

What are you doing here?

I thought I'd stick around in case Liza needed a designated driver.

Ah. [laughs]

Which it looks like she might.

Yeah. [laughs]

Wow.

You are the real deal, aren't you?

[chuckles]

[chuckles] Bye.

Helicopter was coming down. And then...

[mimics helicopter rotors whirring]

[laughter]

It went back up.

[smooches]

What's that for?

Oh, I'm just happy for you, is all.

Tom didn't even offer to drive me, and he knows how much I like to drink.

And guess whose pubes went white overnight.

Listen. I'm not sad.

Nothing lasts forever.

And we sure enjoyed it while we had it.

That's the most important thing.

Here's to the next chapter!

[glasses clink]

The next chapter.

♪ I think I'm ready to be ♪
♪ I think I'm ready to show ♪
♪ That I'm no ordinary ♪
♪ I think I'm ready to know ♪