02x08 - Lost and Found

[bunniefuu]

Hey, honey.

Hey, Dad. What are you doing up?

Just a midnight snack.

Okay.

You want anything?

No, I'm good.

Listen, David.

If you ever want to talk... about anything...

I'm here.

I know.

♪♪

Skye: I don't know. Maybe she's right.

Maybe my work doesn't have a point of view.

Look, if it's any consolation, Ada Levin once described my films as an as*ault on Eros.

What does that even mean?

I don't know.

(laughter)

Even so, she got me thinking.

I mean, I have to be honest with myself, if I'm wasting my time.

Or it shouldn't be like exploring other mediums.

Hold that thought.

Here.

What's this?

Cute guy's phone number.

He asked me to give it to you.

What am I supposed to do with this?

Call him.

I can't.

What's stopping you?

Nothing. I'm just not... in the right head space.

Have you spoken to David yet?

No.

So is it... over over between you?

I think so.

Maybe. I don't know.

Been there.

That's it.

As soon as shift's over. I'm taking you out and getting you drunk.

(snickering)

I thought you had plans with Paolo.

This is more important.

What about Mrs. Goldstein?

What about her?

Her husband's a lot older.

Smokes like a chimney.

He can't have many years left.

You're not helping, David.

Look, it's no use, boychik.

I'll never find another to replace my Rebecca.

She was without equal among women, a veritable angel, or whatever the Jewish equivalent of that is.

And now she's chosen a life of celibacy and quiet contemplation with her rabbi.

Rabbis aren't celibate.

They're not?

That's priests.

Hey, Nash, you RSVP for my wedding yet?

Uh, yes, I did, but as it turns out, I won't be bringing a guest.

Makes it easier to hit on the bridesmaids that way.

Yeah.

Hey, Karen talk to you about videoing these upcoming nuptials?

Yeah. I'll do it.

Excellent.

We'll talk about your sh*t list later.

Right now we should talk about Friday.

What's Friday?

Atlantic City. A little getaway.

Just me and my best man.

And you.

What?

I'm not down with the whole bachelor party thing of strippers and paintball.

I'm not gonna pay to see some girl's Milk Duds.

If I want to see some, I'll pay Karen.

We're going to party like adults.

Drink some vino, see some magic.

I got tickets to see Copperfield at the Tr*mp. Whoo.

Why do I need to be there?

Because you're videographer.

Gig starts then.

Plus, we need a designated driver.

Mm, I don't know, Barry.

Oh, excuse me.

Did I or did I not do you a major solid by setting you up with my buddy Travis over at WZVX?

Yeah, you did, but...

So you owe me, kemo sabe.

I owe you?

Big time.

Fine. What time?

Should roll out no later than 7:00.

Okay.

I don't know, dude.

Misty and I were going to hang out Friday, and...

Please, Wheeler. Look, I promised Barry I'd be his designated driver, and you know there's no way my car will make this trip to Atlantic City.

Come on, man. Don't make me do this on my own.

Okay. Screw it. Let's do it.

Thanks, man.

I could use a night off anyway.

You and Misty have been making up for lost time, huh?

Enjoy it while it lasts, my young friends, because one day love will fade, like memories and tan lines.

Hey, Nash, you love A.C. Why don't you come along?

Yeah, man. I mean, there's plenty of room in the station wagon.

No, thank you.

I'll work on him.

Come here, Grace.

Come on, sweetheart. Here.

Here you go, Gracie.

Come on. You want to lick the can?

Here, puss puss.

Where are you?

Come on, Gracie, where are you?

Come here, honey.

Come on.

Gracie.

(wind howling)

Come on.

Am I the first one here?

Thanks for coming.

I don't think I could have done this on my own.

No sweat. You hear from Skye?

I don't know if I will.

We both said some pretty harsh sh*t.

Yeah.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Hey, Nash.

Glad you made it.

This will be fun. I think.

Hmm.

It'll be good for you.

It'll be good for both of you: a night out, a change of scenery, Atlantic City.

(tires screech)

Oh! Check out this scene.

Parental guidance suggested.

Fellas ready to do some stuff you're going to regret?

Who are we waiting on?

Just my best man.

Oh. Here he is.

What is up, Barrycuda?

Absolutely not.

I'm not going to Atlantic City with that specimen, let alone sitting in a car with...

Nash, it'll be okay. It'll be fine.

Let's fire up that speedwagon.

Wait.

This side door has a mind of its own. Sorry.

All right.

Whoa. No way, porkypine. I got shotgun.

Yes, but...

Back seat.

Let's go. Let's go!

Come on, Mr. Velour.

Skip: I'm telling you, Feinberg has got it in the bag.

There's no way Getty hangs on to the club presidency.

He's too unpopular.

Says who?

Says everyone.

David, are you hearing this?

Yeah, I'm staying out of it.

I'll tell you something else.

It's going to be a whole new world.

No more preferential treatment by the board for you fuzzy ball huggers when Stan's running things.

Stan? Since when are you on a first name basis?

Since he started taking golf lessons.

(laughing) Golf lessons.

Like that's an actual sport that requires lessons.

It's the sport of kings.

That's horse racing.

Well, it's the pastime of kings.

I refuse to consider anything a sport when you don't break a sweat.

And when's the last time you broke a sweat?

Last night, actually, while I was making love to your mother.

Dudes!

You don't talk about my mother.

That's right. Served it right up her...

Enough with the hostility.

It's like the Golan Heights back here.

Yeah. Come on. Settle down, guys.

We're trying to have a good time here.

Let's play a little game. Story hour.

20 bucks buys in. Best story wins the pot.

What kind of story?

How you popped your cherry.

I'll start it.

(Wheeler laughs)

I was 18. She was 31.

A stewardess from Japan Airlines.

A layover in Honolulu.

Yukio.

When it was all over, she offered me a hot towel and a bag of nuts.

(laughing)

Well done.

All right, you're up, Tonto.

Pass.

You can't pass.

My first time was with Karen.

Pass.

I'll go.

I was 15.

My uncle Dal was home on leave from the Merchant Marines.

He took me to see a hooker.

Dal was like "Go with Candi. She's my favorite."

So she takes off all her clothes.

Then she puts a whole bottle of baby oil all over her boobs.

And she gets in the bed, lies down...

Gracie.

Come on, sweetheart, where are you?

Gracie!

Come on, Gracie.

Gracie.

Yeah, Animal Control?

Woman: Yeah.

Did you happen to find a cat today near Moss Acres Apartments?

Uh, lost earlier this afternoon.

Uh, cute face.

Uh, like, sort of brown and white, gray and white, and it's got a little jingle bell on its collar.

No, nothing like that.

Um...

Okay.

Yeah, but we'll be on the lookout.

Thank you.

(dialing)

Judy: Hello.

Hi.

I'm sorry to bother you.

I didn't know who else to call.

Wheeler: So I was 14 years old visiting my dad in Albuquerque.

So he has this live-in housekeeper Nicole.

French girl... uh, woman.

Anyway, my room is next to hers with this connecting bathroom.

So one night I got up to pee, and I walked in on her taking a bath.

I expected her to scream and tell me to get out, but she didn't.

She said I could stay if I wanted.

Oh, my.

And watch.

So I did.

The next night, too.

This went on for a while until one night she says I should get in with her.

Wait a minute. I know this story.

You're describing the plot of the film Private Lessons.

Yeah.

(laughing)

(imitates scoring buzzer) Disqualified.

Come on, Wheeler.

All right, all right, Skip wins that round.

Round 2. I want to know the freakiest place you ever made it.

I'll start.

I was in art school.

I was going out with this girl who did make-up on dead people.

Aah! Aah!

sh*t.

Oh, the door.

(screech)

Wheeler: Jesus! Help!

Skip: I'm getting out! Barry! Barry!

Oh, sh*t. f*ck.

Skip: Is he dead?

(panting)

Barry?

(groaning)

Gracie.

Come on, honey.

Here, puss puss puss. Come on.

Maybe she's with her friends from the neighborhood.

She doesn't have friends.

I'm her only friend.

Your friend is going to be okay.

He's got a few cracked ribs and a minor concussion.

But other than that, he should make a full recovery.

Thank God.

I'm afraid I can only take one of you back to see him, so the rest will have to wait here.

Oh. Uh... does he have an IV?

Yes.

Yeah. Uh, sorry. I can't do it.

Needles freak me out, so...

(scoff)

I'm serious. I will pass out.

Fine.

Anyone else hungry?

Yeah, I can get something to eat.

Hey, Dad.

We've sedated him and given him something for the pain, so he may be a little out of it.

How do you feel?

Fresno.

Want me to call anyone? Maybe Karen?

Yeah.

Tell her.

Okay. Yeah. I can do that.

I love her.

If I don't make it...

Well, you're going to make it.

Gonna be tight.

Starts at 9.

Wait. What does?

Copperfield.

Oh, yeah. Barry, I don't think that's going to happen.

The doctors want to watch you for a few hours just to make sure you're okay.

No.

No.

No!

Aah!

Sir, please.

Get off me.

You're...

You're a witch.

You'll pull out...

Where are my legs?

Hey! Hey!

No!

There you are.

Mm.

Sorry, dude. We got the munchies.

How's Barry?

Pretty messed up.

So random what happened.

Really makes you think.

Our lives are but brief candles.

You going to finish that?

(monitor beeping)

Ow.

(monitor flatlines)

Karen's voice: Hi. You've reached me.

Leave a message, and I'll call you back.

(beep)

Hey.

So who'd you just call?

Yeah. Yeah.

Where's, uh, Skip and Nash?

Nash is taking a leak, and Skip is hitting on a woman who I don't think he realizes is a hooker.

So, uh, did you, uh, did you decide you're going to take that job with, uh, Getty?

I don't know.

(running footsteps)

Your friend is gone.

What?

He yanked out his IV and took off.

Where can he have gone?

Not far in a hospital gown.

Uh...

Hey. Hey.

Did you see a guy in a hospital gown run through here?

Mustache, really nice hair, a little out of it.

Which way did he go?

Barry! Barry!

Come on, Sam. It's late.

Try again tomorrow.

Maybe put up signs.

Okay.

David: I'll go talk to the guy up front.

I'll give you 25 for it.

That's highway f*cking robbery.

It's my final offer, boys.

Come on.

I like it, but I got to make money off this thing.

For real.

That's it.

Son of a bitch.

Who's the lucky lady?

My ex-wife.

That is the engagement ring I bought her.

She comes here all the time to play the slots, the fickle whore.

How much did she pawn it for?

I can't tell you that.

Well, then how much are you selling it for?

80.

Huh. 80? Dollars?

That is 14-karat rose gold.

She could have gotten twice as much for that in the city.

You know what? I'll take it.

Help you?

I'm looking for a friend.

Tall guy, hospital gown. Did he come in here?

Oh, yeah. A real freak show.

I almost called the cops.

How long ago?

I don't know. Maybe 20 minutes.

He pawned a gold chain for cash.

Had me call him a cab.

Any idea where he's headed?

The Tr*mp, to see what's-his-name... illusionist guy. Made the Statue of Liberty vanish.

Common...

Hey! Don't!

Garbage wench!

Don't!

Woman: Stop! What are you doing?

Get him out of here before I call the cops.

Nash, stop! Stop! Stop!

Look, we need to find Barry, okay?

He went to the Tr*mp to see Copperfield.

What? But it's 3:30 in the morning.

Copperfield's been over for hours.

Oh.

Well, I'll be.

What?

I don't think this is my ex's ring.

I had our initials engraved on the inside.

She was such a good cat.

Here. Drink this.

I hate tea.

It'll make you feel better.

She had the makings of an excellent mouser, too.

I had no idea you were such a cat person.

Me, neither.

It was nice, you know?

Not having to come home to an empty apartment.

Hmm.

We'd sit on the couch, watch "Jeopardy!"

She was smart, too.

One time the Daily Double was "Who was the founder of the People's Republic of China?"

She knew the answer.

Mao.

Ahh.

Oh, no.

I'm sorry.

Sam.

I'm sorry, Judy.

No. Um, I should go.

Please don't go.

Judy.

What now?

I don't know.

Gentlemen, I think it might be time to contact the local authorities and call it a night.

What?

Yeah, I got to be at the club in two hours for a kids' clinic.

We can't just leave Barry.

There's nothing more to be done.

He's in God's hands now.

I can't believe you bag of dicks are talking about just ditching him.

What happened to no man left behind?

We're co-workers, not Marines.

Yeah, dude. Chill.

Don't tell me to chill, you wombat.

Hey.

We wouldn't be having this conversation if it wasn't for that piece of sh*t you call a car.

That piece of sh*t belonged to my granddaddy.

Get your finger out of my face.

Hey, Wheeler, it's not worth it.

Just ignore him. Let's go home.

Whoa.

Get out of my way.

Or what?

Or I'll box your ears.

I don't even know what that means.

Well, you don't want to find out.

Oh, really?

Let's see what you got, f*ck face.

Hey, hey! Hey! Hey!

(shouting)

God. Stop.

(retching)

Barry! Barry!

Hey. You okay?

Ohh. Yeah. Better now.

(spit)

Ugh.

Uch.

Should have never mixed grape and grain.

Yeah.

Where's my shoes go?

It's kind of a long story.

Yeah. We'll tell you on the ride home.

Hey, I didn't...

I didn't do anything, like, to piss Karen off.

You know, stuff with, like, other women.

No, man. You're fine.

Whew. Oh, good.

Because I wouldn't want to ruin it.

I love her, and I know that's got to be freaky-deaky for you to hear, but that's my truth.

No. I'm glad, seriously Where's Nash?

You okay?

No.

I know it sucks, but you'll get over her.

You'll find someone new.

I'm turning 40 next month.

And I always imagined that by the age of 40 I would be retired from tennis, living on my boat the Windbreaker with a woman half my age by my side.

Wheeler: Hey, fellas...

You guys ready to hit the road?

(rock guitar)

Yeah.

♪ Went to a doctor ♪

(continues, muffled, on radio)

Ohh.

Barry: Ahh.

Morning.

Thanks, little buddy. I mean it.

I don't remember much, but I'll never forget it.

And you, Wheel Man, you're definitely coming to my wedding.

Can I bring a date?

If she can dance.

Nasser.

Skip.

I'm gonna grab a shower.

I'll see you at the pro shop.

I've never seen him so down.

I know.

It's his birthday soon.

We should do something for him.

Take his mind off turning 40.

That's a good idea.

Ohh.

Hey, I'm going to go catch some Z's before my shift.

Lucky.

Catch you later.

By the way, you should go see Skye, talk to her.

You think?

Definitely.

♪ Baby ♪
♪ Life's what you make it ♪
♪ Cannot escape it ♪
♪ Baby ♪
♪ Yesterday's favorite ♪
♪ Don't you hate it? ♪
♪ Everything's all right ♪
♪ Life's what you make it ♪
♪ Everything's all right ♪
♪ Baby ♪
♪ Life's what you make it ♪
♪ Don't back-date it ♪
♪ Baby ♪
♪ Don't try to shade it ♪
♪ Beauty is naked ♪