01x02 - The Writing's on the Wall

[bunniefuu]

[tense music]

♪

Did they see us?

Just keep going.

♪

[grunts]

♪

[phone vibrating]

I have a text from Tyler.

Open it up. What did he say?

You can't be serious.

Come on, it'll take our minds off our impending doom.

"What's up?"

Wow, solid question. What is up?

Well, we're in a cemetery burying your step-brother.

Cops are here. FML.

I can't say that.

Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Say nothing.

Okay.

Oh, God.

No, you dense flower.

Answer by saying nothing. Type nothing.

No, I see now how that sounds confusing.

Just give me the phone.

[phone chimes]

[phone vibrates]

Is that "Infinite Jest?"

There's no way he's read that whole book.

Yes, he did.

No, he didn't.

No one's read that whole book.

David Foster Wallace didn't even read that whole book.

Out in the open.

Keep your hands where we can see them.

♪

Um... where is the car?

[bleep]!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's gonna be okay.

Nothing about this is okay.

Will you stop saying that?

Oh.

He was definitely dead, right?

He couldn't have, like, climbed in...

Driven my car away? Unlikely.

Did you park in a loading zone?

No.

This is a loading zone.

Then yeah.

It's clearly marked everywhere.

Okay, your tone right now is really hostile, and I feel like you're attacking me for something that is equally your fault.

My fault?

We were both in the car.

I mean, you should've told me that I was parking in a loading zone that just kind of comes out of nowhere.

If anything, it's, like, 80% your fault.

That math is ridiculous.

I agree.

It is ridiculous, so you should have told me I was parking in a loading zone.

And another thing, who takes their bright pink sorority backpack to vigilante target practice?

Wow, you know, sorry I'm not an expert.

I would've been fine had you not m*rder*d him with a wrench with your bare hands.

Oh, this is my fault? You got knocked out cold.

You probably would've d*ed.

You're welcome.

Oh, also, when are we gonna talk about the fact that your boyfriend back there is related to the... later, got it.

Okay.

How long does it take for a body to start to smell?

[phone chimes]

Hey, Siri.

How long does it take before a body... oh.

[phone chimes]

What is wrong with you?

Me? Why don't you just call up the police and ask them?

I mean, that's basically what you're doing by keeping a digital record of that question on anything less than an unsigned IP proxy.

What?

Give me your phone.

[phone chimes]

Secure network now.

Just call the tow place.

Oh, hi... yes.

You might have a car there that is an Impala.

Yes, that's correct.

That's great.

We can come and pick it up.

Oh, it's not there?

Oh, could you give me the address?

140 Union Avenue.

Okay, that's great.

Oh, and how much is that going to be?

Um... okay, great.

Thank you.

It's going to be $2,000.

How can it possibly be that expensive?

You know, I should just call my dad now and just tell him that I'm going to jail.

Whoa, whoa.

Don't go looking up the recipe for toilet wine yet.

I...I can cover this.

[upbeat music]

♪

Sorry. Just me.

Hey, where you been? I've been so worried.

I've been calling and texting.

I'm sorry, we're not open yet.

Oh, she's with me.

Oh?

New friend.

What kind of friend?

Not that kind.

I...

She's my tutor.

What in God's name are you doing?

My car got towed. I need some of my bud fund.

Ophelia, what if someone tries to buy one of these albums?

Yes, I see what you did there.

[chuckles]

Is everything okay?

O, I've never seen you this rattled about your car being towed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm... I'm good.

Didn't sleep much. Feeling cool. Feeling alive.

Did you fall asleep working again?

Yeah, I was prepping for my Law Journal interview.

Finished writing my essay last night.

Wrote about the Darlington Slasher case from '82.

Figured it couldn't hurt to throw some school history in there.

Are you sure you're okay?

Yeah, I'm gonna need to take all of this.

No.

O, I said no.

I will pay you back. I swear.

So, you are gonna crush that meeting today.

See you later.

[bell rings]

It was nice to meet you.

Even with the register cash, we're still 500 short.

How is this store still in business?

I mean, I guess that we could use the sorority petty cash.

We have, like, $1,000 at my house.

Oh, like a drug fund?

No, no, it's for necessities.

Like, supplies for parties. That kind of thing.

Yeah, drug fund.

Yeah, let's go get that.

[quirky music]

Oh, baby. So good.

Was that Jules's room?

I don't know.

Come on. I'm so close.

No, I think it was her.

You know, she didn't come home last night, and I just need to see if it's her.

I'm worried, you know?

I'm sorry. I'll be back.

Fine, but bring that fine ass back to bed ASAP.

[chuckles] Okay.

I'm not done with you.

[chuckles]

Hey, Jules.

[sighs]

♪

I'm going to need all of that money back tonight.

Sure thing.

Are you sure this is the right way?

Wait.

[tense music]

No way.

♪

Okay, all right, so what's the... what's the plan here?

Just let me handle it.

Jules.

Hi.

What can I do for you, doll?

My friend over there?

She got her car towed.

Give me just a minute, girls.

Great.

What the balls is going on right now?

Why are you Princess Police?

My dad is a cop.

I'm sorry, my brain just shorted out a little.

Your... your father is a police cop?

Yeah, well, technically he's a sheriff, but he made friends with Ballard when I moved to college and told him to watch out for me.

My dad's a little bit overprotective.

Oh, fantastic.

Really, I didn't think this was gonna get any worse than m*rder.

Thank you for proving my thesis wrong.

Can you not say m*rder in this police station?

You two are in big trouble.

20 outstanding parking tickets?

Yep. That's on me.

That explains why it's so pricey.

Hello, I'm Ophelia Mayer, automobile owner.

Yeah, so we have the cash.

If we could just get the car and leave, we will... get the car and leave.

That sounds like a plan, ladies.

So it's the 2,000 quoted plus an additional 200 for processing.

We only have the 2,000.

Unfortunately, I can't bring you the car until everything's paid up.

I have cash in the car.

But, Jules, I bet if you asked the boss personally, he'd let it slide this once.

Of course.

[distant sirens wailing]

No, Mom.

I know, but I can't sit here anymore.

I keep playing it back in my head.

It's like I'm watching it like it didn't happen to me.

I didn't even want to go to that party.

I feel so helpless, Mom.

[sniffles]

I'll call you back a little later.

I love you too.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to...

Ophelia Mayer.

Hailey McMahon.

Look, I'm sorry.

I...I've been here all morning, and I still haven't filed my complaint.

They just keep me wait in different areas.

I'm just very tired.

Can I do anything for you? Get you anything?

I'm okay. Thanks.

Title IX is the school, right?

Yeah.

They didn't know?

They said I didn't have a case, so now I'm here and they clearly don't want to help me either.

You know, when the cops come back out, can you tell them that I left?

I don't want to make a statement.

Shouldn't you just...

[exhales deeply]

[dark music]

[exhales sharply]

Pull it together, bitch.

They're bringing the car around.

Let's get the hell out of here.

Super impressive stuff here.

Thank you very much.

I've honestly been working toward being a part of the Law Journal since I started at Darlington.

Your tenacity and drive is very refreshing.

I was raised by a single mother who worked three jobs.

She did everything to get me here, and I'm not looking to let that woman down.

She's terrifying.

[chuckles]

I'm really looking forward to reading your essay.

You wouldn't believe how many cookie cutter papers we get about that Darlington m*rder case.

What? That silly m*rder case?

[chuckles] That's crazy.

Why would anyone write about that?

That's so dumb.

Tell me about it.

Well, it was so nice to meet you.

If you could send that essay in sometime soon, that would be great.

Thank you so much for taking the time to meet with me.

I truly appreciate it.

You will have that paper toute suite.

[clears throat]

Toute suite?

What are you doing, man?

I think burying him in the cemetery is our best option.

Unless, of course, we do the "Breaking Bad" thing.

No, we're not dissolving him in acid.

Stop suggesting that.

The cemetery's good. It's inconspicuous.

We just have to be so careful today.

Well, the garage is spotless.

I have the wrench in my trunk.

Once we bury him, we're kind of home free.

What's next? How do you pick your targets?

There was this girl in the station, and she...

I'm sorry. "Home free?"

There's a dead human being in the trunk of your car.

Is none of this landing on you?

Oh, it's landing, 'cause I can smell him.

Oh, that reminds me.

I looked it up, and we have to put ice in the trunk of your car to slow the decomposition.

He's probably already leaking.

Leaking? What do you mean, leaking?

The dead guy is sh1tting in my trunk?

Who is that? Is that the girl who sells weed?

That's weird. Did you know that she was friends with Jules?

Is that who she was with last night?

Thank you, Mackenzie.

Okay, I'm gonna go.

I'll see you at 5:00.

No, you have to... take your hand off the... it's over there.

Just unlock it.

You have to unlock it.

It's on the top of the door. It's right over there.

It's on top. Just unlock it.

I can't believe you're a vigilante.

It's stuck on this side.

[grunts]

Don't do anything stupid today.

Okay, bye. I'll see you later.

[thud]

I'm sorry.

Jesus Christ.

I know.

Do you? Do you know?

Last night was...

Oh, girl, I am not done.

First, you blow off the study session I planned.

You're out all night, and now you're hanging out with the campus weed dealer?

She's a tutor. She's... she's my tutor.

We were just... we were studying all night, and then I just bumped into this guy that I met at the party last week.

A boy? Oh, my God.

You should've led with that. So what happened?

We just talked all night.

Mm-hmm.

I'm actually seeing him again later.

Oh, cool. You're gonna be back for the scavenger hunt, though, right?

Definitely.

Hey, I'm really glad that you found someone.

Also, if you ever stay out all night again without texting me, I will k*ll you.

Okay.

Love you.

Love you.

[phone chimes]

[keys clatter]

[door shuts]

[suspenseful music]

♪
♪

[suspenseful music]

♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪

[chatter continues]

♪

[door opens]

[chattering students approach]

Whoo, I know you boys must be tired of me wiping you up on the court every day.

Man, shut up.

[laughs]

Stupid.

[exhales sharply]

Hey, you guys seen that new Chloe Freeman tit pic?

God bless being able to screenshot a Snap.

Am I right?

What's wrong, Dalton?

Don't like it when we talk about titties?

Come on, man, we're just having a little fun, you know?

Ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti.

Man, you allergic to titties, man?

[doorbell rings]

I'll get it.

Hi. You ready?

Yeah. You look great.

I'm just gonna grab my bag.

Stay here.

So this is the famous Tyler.

Oh, I guess so.

And you're the famous...?

Kennedy. Best friend of Jules.

President of Zeta. Lover of Oprah.

Solid resume.

Hey, so how's your green-haired friend?

She seemed pretty bombed last night.

Oh, that weed girl?

Oh, yeah.

She's fine, and we're not friends.

She's just my tutor.

Oh, okay. Beans Bar is not a place for a study session, but I dig it.

Okay, great.

I'm so glad that you guys met, and I will be back for the scavenger hunt later.

Okay.

Oh, God!

I know how you feel.

It sucks when your best friend replaces you with someone else.

It's hard to believe, but it's happened to me three times.

You just have to squeeze the sadness up into a little ball and then push that ball down, and then you're okay.

Hey, do you guys have the number for the weed girl?

I need some bud.

[dramatic music]

♪

[phone vibrating]

Please sit. I wanted to have a little chat.

I feel like I don't know you at all.

Yeah, yeah, you don't, and that's... that's okay.

So I heard you're "tutoring" Jules.

Sure am. Why the air quotes?

Well, I mean, don't you sell answer keys?

No, no, I steal tests, not answer keys.

I know.

No, I don't think you do.

I steal the tests, then I take the tests.

So I don't steal the answer keys.

Anyways, Jules does not take shortcuts, so we're just going over her work.

Making sure she stays on track.

Jules.

Ah, that is her name.

How much do you want to buy?

So what's your major?

Undeclared.

Indica or Sativa?

But aren't you a junior?

Yeah.

Are you gonna buy any weed?

Have you heard of the lifestyle brand Yes, Girl?

The site about juice and skincare products?

Oh, yeah, but it is so much more than that.

I really think you might like it.

It might help you harness your inner goddess.

You have such cool hair.

Thank you.

You have a very calming presence.

I know.

You know, I'm really glad that we got to have this talk.

You know, it's nice to get to know someone that Jules is gonna be spending so much time with.

Oh, no, no, no. That's for you.

So I'm glad you texted me.

I left pretty soon after you did last night.

Yeah, my step-brother never showed.

Wouldn't be surprised if he's on another bender.

What... oh.

That was... that was way too much information, wasn't it?

Wow. I am crushing this date.

Oh, this is a date?

Well, it's not... not a date.

Sorry, I tend to talk a lot when I'm nervous.

Yes, "Grey's Anatomy." I remember.

You don't have to be nervous around me, though.

I'm harmless.

Yeah, I think that's, you know, what makes it so easy for me to go full weirdo.

You have a very disarming quality.

My dad was like that, you know?

Just had this warmth about him that was so calming.

Was?

Cancer.

d*ed when I was 12.

We're part of the same club.

Your dad?

No, mom. Car accident when I was nine.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, it's okay.

Hey, we got it out of the way. There's nothing worse than someone asking what your parents do and...

You tell them what your dad does and they go, "Oh, what about your mom?"

And then you have to say they're dead, and there's just no coming back from that.

Oh, my gosh. Exactly.

Yeah, we talk about it all at all the club meetings.

[phone chimes]

Oh, sorry.

sh**t. Um...

I actually have to get going.

Damn. Okay.

It was nice to hang with you.

Uh-huh. Absolutely.

I'm so screwed.

Will you calm down?

No, I can't calm down.

I'm watching my entire life slip away from me with every passing moment that I don't have a topic for this essay.

Okay, that is the most dramatic sentence I've ever heard. Congrats.

[sighs]

Thank God it's peanut butter Tuesday at Fro Yo.

[bell rings]

Don't worry, I got it.

Miles, Miles, Miles.

Are you here for that new One Direction vinyl?

No. I'm Zayn all the way, baby.

I got your text.

It's so beautiful.

And all of this can be yours for the low price of two grand.

Half for a G.

Hey, this isn't a flea market.

Oh, it's not a flea market?

Okay. Let's go, Nate.

Okay, okay. Half for a thousand.

Split it?

I am so down.

Do you take Venmo?

Totally.

O? Are you selling weed?

Nope.

[bell rings]

Oh, snap. What up, Julesy?

Miles, wow, what are... what are you doing here?

Fire sale, baby.

Miles needs his medicine.

Also, I'm with Nate.

Hey.

Hi.

Okay, well, thank you guys so much for shopping at Vinylton.

Really, let me know if you guys have any more marijuana needs.

You're strong.

Bye.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Hey, got to go. Jules and I have a study sesh.

Wait, wait. No, you can't go.

I need you.

No, you don't.

You are the smartest person I know who isn't myself.

So just put some Kanye on, feel yourself as much as I feel you, and let the fro yo open your mind.

Okay. You're right.

You're damn right I'm right.

[sighs]

Ready for this?

Nope.

Tonight, you will depart as boys, but you will return as men.

This night was designed to test you mentally...

Physically, and emotionally.

Tonight, you will prove your worth, to yourself and to the brotherhood of Omega Theta!

[all cheering]

[air horn blaring]

Quick Q. N.B.D.

What do we do with the hands after we remove them?

Do we each keep one?

We incinerate them. Same with the teeth.

There's a landfill on the way back to campus.

It incinerates garbage. It's open late.

Great, yep, super chill that you know that.

There's two ways to identify a body: fingerprints and teeth.

And the only way of disposing of them is incinerating them.

My dad used to work homicide before he became a Sheriff.

Of course. Of course he did.

Classic, your dad.

[grunts]

So do you feel better now?

[panting]

Why would this make me feel better?

Well, isn't this the guy that...

No, he's... no, he's not.

How do you know?

Well, that whole "things happening" speech from last night.

That and the fact that all the dudes you att*ck are rapists.

No judgment from me. I think you're amazing.

[phone vibrating]

Wow.

That kid has fantastic timing.

What do you think he wants?

I don't know. I'm not gonna look.

Hey.

Ow.

Oh, my God, dude. Get a password.

You're a vigilante for Christ's sake.

Wow.

This kid's in real deep.

[crunching]

Can you grab his hand?

One, two, three.

Three.

[grunts]

Okay, I just need to roll it in.

Do you need me for that?

'Cause I feel like, you know, you can do that 'cause you're such a strong and powerful woman, and so beautiful...

Get up and help me.

Okay.

[grunting]

[police siren chirps]

What the balls is that?

Just put the shovels over here and run.

Where?

Just run.

[tense music]

♪

Are you sure they're here?

Positive.

Okay, what do we do now?

I don't know.

I really, really don't know.

Omega Theta rules!

[bleep] the police!

Whoo!

What?

[police siren blaring]

Freeze.

[dramatic music]

♪

What the hell?

Where were you ten minutes ago?

I was getting fro yo.

Look at the ground, man.

I waited all week for that.

You can only get the peanut butter on Tuesdays.

Veach, cuff him.

Have him wait here. I'm gonna check out his story.

I think he's one of the guys from the graveyard.

Sorry, man.

Wait, wait.

You can't just cuff me, man.

I didn't... I didn't do anything.

You matched the description.

If I were you, I'd just sit there and be quiet.

Black male, 5'11", wearing a hoodie.

Is the suspect wearing a fraternity insignia?

No, no insignia.

Release him.

All right, you can go.

What a surprise.

I'm so tired, my whole body feels like noodles.

[clicks, whirs]

Oh, no.

[indistinct chatter]

What now?

The scavenger hunt. Oh, God.

They take pictures of all of their tasks, and it's not digital pictures. It's Polaroids.

Why didn't you tell me that earlier?

[breathing heavily]

Okay, finish this, put the stuff in the car, and then drive to the entrance of the cemetery.

But what are you gonna do?

[distorted voice] Handling that picture.

[tense music]

[grunts]

[grunts]

♪

Phi Gamma for life!

You have to unlock it.

Just open the door.

[tires screeching]

You got that cash?

Oh, I left it at the record store, but I can have it in an hour.

Okay, cool.

Just climb in through my window.

It's top left. There's a ladder.

[line trilling]

Hello?

Hey, Mom.

What do you need, Ophelia?

Nothing.

Let me guess.

You were caught selling grass again?

No, 'cause it isn't 1972.

Well, we both know you aren't calling me to ask how my day was.

I need 500.

I'll put it into the account now.

I have to go.

Night, dear.

[Wildes' "Bare" playing]

♪ ♪

So I've got all of your money right here.

Thanks.

And...

I've got...

♪ Throw me down ♪
♪ I'll steal the moon ♪

What is this?

That is our next guy.

I know you said we should wait to talk till later, which was smart because we had a lot on our hands today, so I did the initial recon...

Just stop. Stop talking.

♪

There is no next guy.

We're done here.

It's over, Ophelia.

A person is dead.

A r*pist is dead.

A r*pist who would've k*lled you, so forgive me for not wanting to pour one out for that scumbag.

I...

Hey, what happened to making things right?

To helping people?

I don't know.

I'm just... I'm not the person that you think I am, okay?

I can't... I can't save you or anyone else.

I just want to go back to my old life.

This whole thing was a huge mistake.

♪ And seen me covered up ♪
♪ Maybe I'm not scared ♪

Do your friends even know what happened to you?

♪ You've seen me here ♪
♪ And held me miles away ♪

It's time for you to leave.

♪ Underneath my skin ♪

I see you for who you really are, and if that scares you, fine, but I'm a real friend and...

We are not friends, Ophelia.

You are completely demented.

♪ Oh oh oh oh oh oh ♪
♪ Ooh ooh, ooh ooh ♪

At least I'm not a coward.

♪ I could take you there ♪

Don't contact me again.

Don't worry. I won't.

♪ And you the one for me ♪

Jules, how's your week been?

Well, it's kind of a long story.

Basically, I was r*ped last year by Nate, your boyfriend, and the school did literally nothing.

I mean, they were such a-holes.

So I went home for the summer and I trained really hard and I came back as... I don't know.

I guess I'm like a vigilante. Ugh, that word is so masculine.

Will Powell and Tommy Cope? Both my handiwork, and I was gonna b*at up that Carter Fischer.

You know, that baseball alum?

But then this girl, Ophelia... oh, you know Ophelia.

She's the weed dealer from the record store.

She turned up when I was knocked out and k*lled Carter.

Such a mess. So last night, we buried Carter's dead body in the cemetery over on Knoll, and it's been a weird couple of months.

Oh, and I recently cut out gluten.

[snaps fingers]

[hip-hop music plays]

Hello, Jules?

Sorry.

I got lost in my own head for a minute.

My week was fine.

Nothing special.

Ophelia, can I read you something?

[chatter playing]

[snaps fingers]

What? What's up?

Are you okay?

I don't know.

Gas?

Emotional gas.

Jules no longer needs my tutoring services.

Aw. What happened?

That is a long story.

It's been a weird week.

I just want to put everything behind me and go back to normal.

A little cryptic, but okay.

Come on. Tell me about your paper.

Well... you won't believe this.

So I'm walking down the boulevard, and you know I wanted my peanut butter fro yo.

Mm-hmm.

And I'm hearing "freeze"...

[dramatic music]

♪
♪

Yeah, I'm gonna write about race issues on campus.

It's crazy that in a school as prestigious as this, racism is still so prevalent.

You got to make it right.

Blows my mind.

Just got to make it right.

[Phoebe Ryan's "Mine" playing]

♪ When it went down ♪
♪ It was so hard to breathe ♪
♪ I gave up everything ♪
♪ In a slow fall ♪
♪ Down to the floor ♪
♪ Life was escaping me ♪
♪ I couldn't find myself ♪
♪ Till it was all lost ♪
♪ Not anymore ♪
♪ I'm holding on to all the pieces of my heart's debris ♪
♪ Till it's time ♪
♪ I'll... I'll pull it together and fix myself eventually ♪
♪ And know it's mine ♪
♪ I found gold in the wreckage ♪
♪ Put it on a necklace ♪
♪ Keeping it 'cause I, I, I, I know that it's mine ♪
♪ I wear it like a message ♪
♪ So I don't forget it ♪
♪ Keeping it 'cause I, I, I, I know that it's mine ♪
♪

[knocking]

Can I come in?

I'm not here to cause any trouble, but, um...

I found something that I think you need to see.

And if after you see this you can just walk away, then I will never bother you again.

I will become vapor.

[dark music]

♪

I know I wasn't...

But I need this too.

♪

We're doing this for different reasons, but that doesn't mean there aren't people out there who need our help.

♪

The school needs its Batman.

♪

[rousing music]

♪
♪

[suspenseful music]

♪

[clank]

[distorted voice] Think fast.

Aah!

[grunting]

Do you know who I am? You messed with the wrong guy.

[grunting]

Aah!

Hey, heads up.

[grunts]

Not so funny now, is it?

♪ There's a black mark on her soul ♪

[grunts]

Look, I-I... I'm sorry. Please.

Please don't hurt me.

You know, the police may not have taken Hailey's claim seriously, but we do.

It's not gonna be easy to get drafted with a looming r*pe charge against you.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Touch a woman without consent again and we will be back.

[groans]

♪ Try to breathe, but I can't ♪
♪ 'Cause the air she feeds me is damned ♪
♪ Got a touch like a thorn ♪

Psycho.

♪ 'Cause the girl, she's hiding horns ♪
♪ She got blood cold as ice ♪
♪ And a heart made of stone ♪
♪ But she keeps me alive ♪

[cracking]

Aah!

[groaning]

Have a good season.

♪ Like it's nothing ♪

Aah!

♪ She got two little horns ♪
♪ And they get me a little bit ♪
♪

[groaning]

Aah!