01x05 - The Mystery of the Golden Charm

[bunniefuu]

[Intro to "Les Berceaux" plays]

♪ Le long Du Quai, Les grands vaisseaux ♪
♪ Que la houle incline en silence ♪

[Whirring]

What are you doing?

I decided to start making my own seltzer.

Oh. Why?

Save the environment. Dory, we're destroying the earth.

We need to give back.

Ooh.

Who is that? Is that Shirley MacLaine?

No, that's my missing friend.

She sent it in one of the e-mails that I stole from her boyfriend.

Oh, my God.

I love that you did that. You are so bad.

So, did you find anything good?

Did you find the k*ller?

Uh, well, she's not dead.

Right.

She's still alive.

So, okay, I'm gonna read you one of these e-mails.

She had, like, a terrible roommate who basically abused her.

Here, I'll read you one.

Subject is just, "AAAAAAAAAH!" Okay.

"I hate, hate, hate Penelope. She tore my oil pastels off the wall last night. I can't take this abuse any longer."

Oh, my God. Dory!

And there's a bunch of those.

You cracked it! She's the k*ller!

Yeah, again, you know, Chantal's not dead. Thank God.

You know what I mean.

But, yeah.

I mean, the only thing is, so now I'm trying to figure out where her and Penelope lived, and I can't.

I went on all social media, called 411.

Nothing.

Aah! Oh!

I can't make seltzer.

Mm-hmm.

Sorry, Earth.

Can you pick up some Poland Spring?

Yeah.

Um, while you're out, if you could just swing by Sundeep's office, just see if he's there.

You know what? Don't. Don't do it.

Honestly, *** he's...

I know he's not at Rebecca's.

I completely trust him.

It's fine.

I trust him.

I trust him. I trust him. I trust him.

♪ Oh, but, dear, the sky is low ♪

S01E05 The Mystery of the Golden Charm

You want a suspect? That guy.

Yeah. Chantal used to nanny for him and his wife.

[Camera shutter clicks]

[Cellphone rings]

Hey, what's up?

Drew: Hey. I'm pretty sure I got eyes on Nanny Daddy.

Who?

Remember that creepy guy from the vigil? The one who flirted with Portia?

I'm pretty sure Shawn told you he's a nanny *** or something.

Oh, yeah.

Anyway, I just saw him on the train, and guess what he was doing?

He was taking photos up the skirts of ladies.

Ugh...

I know, what the hell?!

Drew. You have to follow him.

No, no. He's gonna go into one of Please. these buildings. He's gonna go to work.

Please. Please.

I'm not gonna follow him.

Come on. You can do this. Isn't this exciting?

No! Okay, look.

I-I'm already sweating thinking about this, okay?

I'm not built for snooping.

I'm some tall freak with glasses, all right?

They're gonna notice me right away.

Oh, my God.

What?

I'm being followed.

What?

That man...

That man's following me again.

Who? What are you talking about?

Wait. Wait. I don't know.

Wait, wait. What's happening?

You're being followed now? I thought I was the one that was doing the following.

Okay, I have to go. Stop.

Wait, wait.

♪♪

Aah! No!

sh*t.

No! Stay away from me!

I don't know what you're talking about.

Stay away from me. Don't move.

Okay, I need help.

No. No, okay. All right. No.

This man's been following me.

No, she doesn't need help.

Yes, I'm in danger. Stop it!

No, I'm not following you.

Stop! Help me!

Let me explain myself. Dory!

Dory! You don't have to be afraid.

How do you know my name?

One cup of coffee.

We're gonna have a cup of coffee.

Thank you. Thank you.

You know, I'm embarrassed to admit I've never really thought about the privilege it is to just hop in a cab, you know?

Meanwhile, in the Kimuli Village, Adisa has to leave her four children in a decaying shack just to walk two miles to retrieve unclean water.

Wow. I can't wait to go back.

Real life, you know?

Mm-hmm.

Hey, you know what?

When we work, we really work.

Man: Where you going?

Brooklyn.

That's easy for you to say, Marc.

I was the one doing all the heavy lifting.

I literally built a house.

Okay, Marc.

I did some soul-searching while we were on the plane while you were watching "Hitch," and I've come to the realization that deep down, I'm a free bird.

Wait.

Elliott, are you actually doing this right now?

We literally just got back from the most healing trip of our lives, and you're breaking up with me?

We're gonna make two stops.

Elliott.

[Tires screech]

Keith: Keep it.

You know... you made quite a splash up there in Chappaqua.

With Chantal's mom.

That was just a misunderstanding.

Mm-hmm.

So... who hired you?

You know, Dory, I started tailing you because I thought you might know where Chantal is.

Maybe you had something to do with her disappearance.

Maybe you felt guilty, wanted to confess something.

That I had something to do with her disappearance?

I mean, I'm not the guy who's following a young woman around, you know, day and night.

Right here.

Man: Another soup here.

Is this not the best soup in the whole world?

No. No, no, no.

It's... It's good.

Yeah.

Tell her. Tell her it's the best.

It's very good.

It's the best.

Eh.

Mnh-mnh.

I don't actually think that you're a suspect.

As far as I can tell, you have almost no relationship to Chantal whatsoever.

So what I can't figure out is... why do you have such a vested interest in this?

I just want to find her.

You think she's alive?

I know she is.

That makes two of us.

♪♪

[Elevator bell dings]

[Beep]

I just forgot my key card, so...

[Alarm sounds]

Yeah, we got a walker.

♪ Stained glass, church windows ♪
♪ See through your morals ♪
♪ Seven sins sticks you in ♪
♪ Treats you like children ♪

Uh, excuse me, sir. Sir! Excuse me. Hi.

Do you... Do you have an appointment?

Can I help you?

Oh.

Yeah. This is, um, Quince Capital, huh?

Do you have an appointment?

Yeah.

With?

Oh, with um...

Uh, Dotty Reikert?

D-Dotty Reikart?

Reikart. Yeah. [Chuckles] Yeah.

Yeah, from accounts payable. Are... Are you sure?

Oh, yes.

I'm pretty sure.

Oh, does she even have an extension?

[Chuckles]

Looks like somebody gave her one.

"Penelope's parents visited this weekend, and now I understand everything.

Her father has the same dead, cold eyes as she does, and I overheard her mother say the 'N' word to the guy who installed our Wi-Fi.

They're Nazis."

[Whistles]

Yeah.

And that's just a snippet. I mean, I have tons more.

Hmm.

Um, I want to... you know, get in contact with her...

Mm-hmm.

You know, and see where she lives, but, uh, I just...

I don't know how to find her.

So...

[Scoffs]

You know where she lives, huh?

Yeah.

What do you think I do for a living?

Make deviled eggs? [Chuckles]

Well, maybe you could, like, take me to her?

No.

Or introduce me?

No. No way.

But it's important, though.

No. Not unless you start getting honest with me.

Why are you looking for Chantal?

Um...

Well...

Ever since she went missing, I've realized that I overlooked her.

And it might sound, you know, annoying, but I feel like people have overlooked me sometimes.

All right.

The family.

Chantal's family. That's who I work for.

Well, what if we worked together?

I mean, I could help you.

All right. But here's the thing.

I've got one goal, and that's bring her home safe and sound.

Mm-hmm.

Capiche?

Yes. Yes. I totally capiche.

This is on the Witherbottoms.

All right.

Dotty: I don't understand who you are or what this meeting is about.

If we could just sit here, uh, quietly for a few seconds, that would really help me out.

Did you not get your check?

The computers are acting real spotty today, but if that's what this is about, I can look.

But you could have just called.

You need to come with us.

I was just doing what I was told.

I was just doing what I was told!

Whoa! Whoa!

[Glass shatters]

We just came for him.

Sorry to bother you, ma'am.

Do I need a lawyer?

Do I need a lawyer?

Uh, this is yours, Dotty. Sorry!

D-D-Do I need a lawyer?!

Looks like this is it.

[Sighs] Yeah. I guess so, yeah.

[Knock on door]

Just follow my lead.

Okay.

Hey.

Uh, we're looking for Penelope.

Penelope: Look at it.

Aww.

Aww, it's so cute!

Look at its big, floppy ears!

I love bunnies!

Aww. [Chuckles]

Oh, bunny. You're so cute.

[Chuckles] He's got little whiskers.

They go, "Mm, mm, mm."

[Chuckles]

You go hop.

Bunny go hop!

[Chuckles]

Are we sure this is Chantal's apartment?

When you start turning over rocks, you're gonna find some worms.

I'm your mommy.

[Chuckles]

And by worms I mean weird sex stuff.

Penelope: I'm a bunny mommy.

You came out of my belly.

[Chuckles]

You know, I have a bounty of gum drops.

Oh...

In my forever Castle.

Wow.

Yeah!

♪ To the forever castle we go ♪
♪ To the forever castle we go ♪
♪ And that's where we live ♪
♪ Together ♪

Okay, you guys, thanks for coming.

Let's see another show.

You taught me so many things, Mami.

When God turned the lights off on our family, you taught us to be brave.

You taught me how to talk to boys and how to get good grades.

And how to make empanadas by hand for my little cousins.

Trina: Excuse me.

Did she just say "empanadas?"

[Stammers] What's going on?

Is she meant to be Hispanic?

I remember someone brought it up during casting, but then it got dropped.

I guess no one wanted to be confrontational.

Both: Ahora y en la hora de nuestra muerte.

Amen.

[Monitor flat-lines]

Penelope: All right, that's it first-timers.

Leave your money in the crib by the door.

Keith: Actually, we were hoping to ask you a couple questions about Chantal Witherbottom.

Did she live here?

Uh, look.

I know the drill, okay?

You don't know us. You don't want to talk to us.

But maybe you want to talk to my friend Andrew Jackson?

[Sighs]

Yeah. She lived here.

Anything else?

We understand that you and Chantal had some, uh, tensions before her disappearance.

Keith: Mm.

Is that something you feel comfortable elaborating on?

Well... [Scoffs]

Why don't you try living with a deadbeat who leaves bowls of cereal on the ground so that the living room turns into a god damn milk minefield?

You know, the world is a better place without her.

Sorry, not sorry.

Did she have a problem with your sex work?

Uh, no. This is not sexual.

"Pretty Princess Penelope" is non-interactive intimacy experience that allows one to turn back the clock and align themselves with a more... wholesome adolescence.

It's called helping people.

What the f*ck are you doing?

We're helping Chantal.

[Scoffs]

Well.

Can you show us her room?

Oh, my God.

Fine.

[Horns honking]

Hey, Gardner.

Dog pit.

Stat.

Have a seat.

So, what the hell?

I'm sorry, sir.

No, I'm just... I'm... I'm figuring, you know, you should have an opportunity to explain yourself.

In regards to what, sir?

In regards to what were you doing at Quince Capital earlier today?!

It's very hard for me to explain...

You know what, shut up, 'cause no one asked you to talk.

Well, you asked me to explain what happened, so I was...

Shut up.

Yeah, okay. Sorry about that, sir. Sorry.

You know, I actually was stupid enough to think that you were serious about this internship.

I am very serious about it, sir.

I am very happy to be here.

I'm grateful. I am.

Do you have any idea how it makes us look when one of our interns goes jacking off at another firm?

I-I was not jacking off.

There was no jacking off happening.

Look? I was there because I thought for...

You thought?

You had a thought? You had an idea?

Well, I don't pay you to think.

OK? I pay you to sit in a cubicle, and look at your computer screen, and do what I tell you to do.

To be honest, you don't pay me at all, sir. I'm an intern at the company.

Sorry.

You think that's funny, right? You think this is a joke.

So I wanna ask you, Mr Smartypants Intern, if you were in my position, what would you do?

How would you handle this situation?

Would you fire you if you were me?

Is that what you would do?

No. No, no, no, no.

No?

No, I wouldn't...

Well, that's the wrong answer.

Okay, then, yes, I would.

Yeah?

Yeah, okay, I would...

Really? That's what you would do?

You would actually do that to yourself?

I guess.

[Laughing] Wow.

That's crazy, man.

[Voice breaking] I'm not sure what you want me to say.

[Cries]

I'm so sorry.

I'm not sure what you want me to say.

Just tell me what to say.

[Sobs]

I made a mistake. I messed up.

I need this job more than anything.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay. You're not fired.

You're not fired. Okay? You're not fired.

Just... Just go.

Here it is.

Keith: How come it's empty?

I kicked her out for freeloading.

She wasn't paying rent?

Yeah, the dumb bitch owed me like three months' worth.

God, I had to do twice as many playtimes to make up for it.

It was exhausting.

Uh, what's this?

Some crap she forgot.

I was gonna give it back to her ugly family, but I forgot.

Oh.

I used to do the exact same thing to my b*rned CDs.

I even had, like, the same font.

Who are you talking to?

What's this?

I don't know.

I mean, she was dating somebody new. He probably gave it to her.

Can we not talk about her anymore?

I just keep picturing, like, old poop, you know, that's, like, sitting in water.

Yeah, okay.

It stinks.

Uh, do you mind if we take this stuff?

No, you can't take it.

God, don't be weird.

You guys, I have to live stream a sponge bath at 4:00, and you really need to leave, okay? Out.

[Scoffs]

Hate you.

[Sighs]

[Both laugh]

That was so bizarre.

I mean, I'm not judgy about stuff like that normally, you know, but, like, what the hell?

Look, people are into some weird sh*t.

Oh, man.

I just... I wish she would have given us some of Chantal's stuff, though.

That kind of sucks.

Well, I was able to nab this.

What? Oh!

You stole that?

Yeah, I got slight hands.

Is that a dog tooth?

So strange.

[Chuckles]

The mystery deepens.

It's kind of... nice, actually.

Hey, you should keep it.

Oh.

Well, it's evidence, no? [Chuckles]

'Cause she said that Chantal, you know, got a new boyfriend.

Eh, maybe it is, maybe it's not.

You can always give it back next time I see you.

We're partners, right?

Yeah.

Yeah. [Chuckles]

[Chuckles]

[Spanish music on the radio]

[Man humming]

Excuse me, um, can we go to Red Hook, please?

Thank you.

Woman: Good day!

Oh, hi.

Hi.

Wait. Are you an artist?

You have the arms of a potter.

Oh.

No.

I mean, I studied graphic design in school, but...

Aw, you're just being modest. I can tell.

Let me know if you need anything.

Okay. Oh, actually, I, uh...

Yeah, I was wondering...

I think this necklace was bought here.

These sell really well.

Wolf's tooth. For a pack leader.

Do you know, uh, maybe who bought this here?

Like, is there some kind of code you could put into the system and see, like, whose credit card was used to buy it?

They say every time a wolf looses a tooth, it is demoted in rank.

But I've always been drawn to the wounded.

Anything else I can do for you?

No, I guess not.

You have a beautiful store, though.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Oh, um, me and my partner, Edwin...

You've probably heard of him...

We hold small gatherings here with artists and artisans and craftspersons.

This Sunday's gonna be a little more special, though.

You should come.

Oh, cool.

Okay, yeah. I-I'll try and stop by.

Oh, I really hope that's true.

Okay.

Hey!

Hi.

Elliott: Oh, my God!

Dory.

Hey, Dor.

Thank you.

[Smooching]

Dory, we're all having really bad days.

Dory: Oh, no.

Except for Drew.

I didn't really ask Drew.

It was not great.

Elliott: Dory, you look amazing.

You're literally glowing. It's insane.

Both: Yeah.

Dory: Thanks.

Well, do you guys want to hear something cool, or are you guys all too sad?

No, tell us. We need happy.

Let's hear it.

Okay.

So... it turns out...

I have been being followed.

Both: What?

By a P.I.

A real P.I. that Chantal's family hired to find her!

No.

It's just... it's all, you know, a lot bigger than I even imagined.

Portia: Dory! That's so cool!

I know!

And now I just, like, I want to feel like, you know, I want... I want to do more.

I want to, like, break into places and, like, learn slight-of-hand and stuff.

I'm gonna teach you how to use a g*n.

David, who's our prop master, taught me how to use a g*n.

Dory: No, I don't want to use g*ns.

Elliott: No g*ns.

No. There are no g*ns.

Wait, wait, wait. What happened with, uh, with Nanny Daddy?

Oh, yeah, it was a bust.

I mean, like, he went to work, and then I went to work, so...

Dory: That's it?

Yeah. No, it's okay. It's okay. Not every lead checks out, so...

Elliott: Oh, my God.

I really, really love that necklace.

Portia: Mm.

It's much nicer than what you usually wear.

Well, thank you. So, I was gonna get to that.

This is from a boutique shop called Bellow & Hare.

No!

Dory: Yes.

No! No!

What?

That place is a cult, Dory.

What?

I lost a very, very good friend to Bellow & Hare.

I'm not kidding.

Oh, my God. Who?

Crisabel!

Yeah, she started going, and then she started pulling away.

I'm sorry, like... Wait. Oh!

Oh, my God. I heard that place is evil!

Okay. Is it weird that I want to go?

♪ Le long Du Quai, Les grands vaisseaux ♪
♪ Que la houle incline en silence ♪

[Floorboards creak]

Hello?