01x06 - We Pretend We're Stuck

[bunniefuu]

What's this?

Heroin.

Tiffany found your fine china.

It is against the law for you to be with your son.

You really think it's a good idea for you to be seen with him in public?

If you don't find her and send her back to jail in the next 24 hours, you're fired.

When I want to get high, the only thing to replace that need is doing other crazy sh*t.

Like stealing.

Javier: Someone stole $200,000.

No sh*t.

$211,000, to be exact.

[Exhales sharply]

Yeah, it's fine. You go over there.

I am going over here.

No. It's all good. Just stay there.

And think about what you did to my sister.

Oh, my God.

And about your lies after.

And when you see her at our family dinner, which she generously invited you to, you can continue lying.

For the millionth time, I did not take the money!

What would you think if you were me?

I would think about getting some really expensive therapy to address my trust issues.

Can you see me in therapy?

Maybe I will leave you here and will go back to ask your friend Christian.

You mean my parole officer?

If he knew I took that money, I'd be in jail.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

He's your ex-parole officer. He quit.

You encouraged him to quit.

Is he as good a liar as you?

[Scoffs]

Is your story safe with him when someone like me demands the truth?

Here, just take it.

Take it. Come on.

Don't be gentle. Turn it inside out.

Rip out the lining if you want to.

Nothing is gonna make that money appear.

If I stole $211,000, I would have Jacob.

[Car door opens]

It might be enough money to buy him off my mother for good.

Start a life with him somewhere else.

So, that's why I'm taking you home.

No, because I don't have the money.

So why am I taking you home?

Because I have $1,000, which gets me one day, which is better than nothing.

And what is different from last time?

What?

From the last time you went home.

It did not go well. You called me to come get you.

Just because I can't make a life in that town doesn't mean I don't want Jacob.

Okay, so how will you make sure it doesn't get all... up again?

Hmm? What will you do differently?

I thought you would help.

But you really don't have to.

I know.

♪ Hard time forgiving ♪
♪ Even harder forgetting ♪
♪ Before you do something ♪
♪ You might regret, friend ♪
♪ Bricks are caving in ♪
♪ Oh, how sweet this sin ♪
♪ I left you the keys ♪
♪ You won't let me in ♪
♪ Hard time forgiving ♪
♪ Even harder forgetting ♪
♪ Before you do something ♪
♪ You might regret, friend ♪

[Birds chirping]

[Dog barking in the distance]

[Sighs]

Wait. Wait.

One more time.

[Sighs]

I'm a private chef.

One of my clients asked me to cater an event for her.

You were hired as a waiter at that event.

You dropped a tray. Your manager yelled at you.

I defended you.

We stayed and ate all the leftover dessert together until the sun came up.

No, we didn't.

We did not stay and eat all the leftover dessert together until the sun came up.

I thought you wanted details.

I want good details.

What kind of event was it?

I don't know.

This is my mother. You have to take this seriously.

Like you did with my nieces?

Exactly.

You told them you deleted vaginas from Instagram.

Right. That's a good detail.

But you made it up on the spot. We didn't agree to that detail.

I would never agree to that detail.

Great. And I'm asking you to agree with me on details, because clearly you can't come up with them on the spot like I can.

You have to know your story.

I always know my story.

This is different.

People ask follow-up questions when you don't k*ll them in the first five minutes.

What kind of event was it?

I don't know. [Sighs]

The Raleigh-Durham Philanthropic Society.

I donated my services.

Stop trying to fit in that philanthropy bullshit.

People like it.

My mother will see through it. It's completely unrealistic.

Fine. Then you decide what is realistic.

Please, Letty, what is realistic?

We met at a bar mitzvah.

We met at a bar mitzvah.

Perfect. That's all you say.

I'll do the rest of the talking.

[Dog barking in distance]

Who are you?

Ashleigh. I'm the babysitter.

Oh.

Who are you?

The mother.

Oh.

[Door closes]

Where's Estelle?

Her and Rob went to the lake.

What time will they be back?

She said 6:00.

Where's Jacob?

He's in the kitchen.

Jacob?

He has his earphones in.

How much are you getting paid?

40 bucks.

I'll give you $60 and you'll get the day off.

For what?

To let a mother spend a day with her son.

Aren't you a meth head?

Hi.

Hi.

Letty: I bet you have a boyfriend, right?

Right.

What do you think your boyfriend's doing while you're busy here?

Playing "Madden."

He told you that?

I made that mistake once.

Know where he was?

d*ck deep in my bestie.

Xander wouldn't do that.

Yeah, but would your bestie?

I can't just leave.

I'm supposed to take Jacob to baseball.

I'll take him to baseball.

You're not allowed to be around him.

Look, I'm sure Estelle told you that.

But I'm his mom, and I love him.

And Estelle made up that meth-head bullshit.

I mean, do I look like a meth head?

No.

So you tell me, what's it gonna take to get you back on Xander's d*ck before that skank gets there first?

$80?

Are those Jimmy Choos?

[Sighs]

Jacob: No. Up!

[Javier groans] I'm sorry.

[Chuckles] It's hard the first time.

Yeah, it is hard. It's hard the second time, too.

[Both laugh]

Oh, hey, mom.

Hi.

I d*ed.

Hey, baby.

♪ ♪
♪ I like that thing you do ♪

Come on, Jacob, let's go!

Whoo! Come on, buddy, you got this!

I hate this game.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Why doesn't he throw the ball so he can hit it?

[Sighs]

Don't they want to play?

In... In... In soccer, we play.

And why are the others just standing there?

How is this a sport?

In America, cheerleading is a sport.

Cheerleading takes athleticism and skill.

Here we go!

♪ And all the boys and girls and girls and the boys ♪
♪ They stare ♪
♪ I like your faded jeans ♪

Ugh.

Jacob! Bring it in.

What has he done wrong?

Hey, it's okay!

Let's go! Run it in! Run it in! Run it in! Come on.

[Exhales sharply] Boo!

Boo!

[Sighs] Sorry, kid.

Whatever.

I know you wanna impress your guests.

But what's worse... Them seeing you not play, or them seeing you choke again?

Who are those guys, anyway?

Just friends.

From where?

Uh, life.

Jacob, who are those people?

[Bat clinks, cheering]

She told me not to tell you.

What the heck does that mean?

She knows people like you freak out when they meet somebody like her.

Like who?

She's my aunt.

[Scoffs] I've met aunts before.

But she's a model.

A model?

She's super famous.

She's hot, but I've never seen her before.

Yeah, you have.

No, I... I know models.

[Bat clinks, cheering]

You play "Grand Theft Auto," right?

Yeah.

Well, they designed all the prostitutes after her.

They're looking over here. Why are they looking over here?

They're watching the game.

He's staring right at me.

If that guy knows about the restraining order, I'm screwed.

sh*t.

Who's the guy?

Her gardener.

What?

She takes him everywhere.

That's what rich people do.

Now you're sh1tting me.

No, I'm not.

Do you know any rich people?

I guess not.

Well, that's what they do.

♪ ♪

Hey, Aunt Becky.

Time to go, kiddo.

It's, uh...

It's... It's the third inning!

[Indistinct chatter]

[Telephone rings in distance]

[Exhales sharply]

Congratulations. You did it!

I didn't know if you had it in you, but you actually did it, Todd.

You took my office. Good for you.

I knew you wouldn't need it anymore, and it's just so great. [Chuckles]

Rashida was gonna bring you your stuff.

You're right. I don't need an office.

Because I quit.

You can't quit.

Anybody can quit anything, Todd.

No. [Laughs]

[Singsong voice] You can't quit, because you were already fired.

Was I?

I don't think so.

I'm positive.

I think I would know if I was fired.

You were definitely fired.

Eh... I'm not so sure.

Did anyone hear me being fired?

Fine. I'm f*ring you now.

You can't fire someone who's already quit.

This is the kind of bad management that made me want to quit to begin with.

Don't worry, Todd.

I'll be honest with my exit paperwork.

You'll get all the support you need.

♪ ♪

Christian Woodhill?

Who's asking?

We're going to assume you know how this works.

What do you want to eat?

We're almost at the ordering thing.

Jacob, what's the deal?

Jacob, you are way too into your phone.

What are you doing?!

Nothing.

I just need to know what you want to eat.

I'm not hungry!

You have to eat.

I only have to eat when I'm hungry.

True.

I don't even like this place.

This is your favorite place.

It was my favorite place when I was five.

Oh.

Why did you make me leave baseball?

Now you're mad at me?

Kind of.

We left because... Because baseball sucks.

You weren't having fun.

Yes, I was.

Well, fine, if you were.

But it didn't seem like you were.

But now we're here, so tell me what you want.

I told you, I'm not hungry!

Oh, let's go.

What?

Let's go.

Jacob isn't hungry.

[Sighs]

Jacob: Can I have my phone back?

No.

Hey, Jacob, who wrote those texts to you?

Are they from your teammates?

Yeah.

Assholes.

They called me a p*ssy.

I know. I saw.

But that is not a cool thing for teammates to do.

Jacob, is your seat belt on?

Yeah.

[Tires squeal]

♪ Pack your backpack ♪
♪ Swingin', bangin', rollin' deep like the Rat Pack ♪

What are you doing?!

Are you okay? You know, the thing about baseball is that it's a game, it's not a sport.

You need a sport.

Do you know what is a sport?

Soccer.

Don't you call it "futbol"?

Yes. Thank you.

No problem.

♪ Even if the road is long ♪
♪ And I'm many, many miles from home, yeah ♪

These stores, they're tricky.

Sometimes the food is over here, but sometimes the food is over there.

Letty: This place grosses me out.

I haven't been here since I was 16.

You know, where the food is changes everything.

You'll think, "How much can it change?

Why didn't they just flip it?"

Not exactly 'cause if you want to get in and get out quickly, you have to know.

Nana used to make me camp outside here every Black Friday.

Thanksgiving dinner at noon and by 2:00... we'd be here with the rest of the cattle.

Electronics...

Cold as sh*t, nowhere to pee, all night long for seven bucks off a generic Taiwanese deep fryer.

Because if anyone knows how to make Southern fried chicken, it's people from Taiwan.

Here we go. Sporting goods.

[Sighs]

How about this one?

I like it.

Looks good. Let's go.

No, we have to test it first.

Test it?

Yeah.

We have to test the ball.

And all the other balls.

♪ ♪

Nope.

[Sighs]

[Laughs]

Not a big fan of a green ball.

Not a big fan... You know, the grass is green, gets...

You know what? How do you feel about this one?

Jacob: You don't think it's too bright?

No way.

Yeah, maybe you're right.

You know what? Let's go classic.

♪ ♪

What if it gets confused with someone else's?

That is the risk of a classic ball, yeah.

Then I'll buy you another ball.

Would one of you, please, just choose a ball?

Jacob.

Jacob, wait. I... I didn't... Stand up.

Hey, Jacob. Wait. Wait.

You can't run away, buddy.

Listen, you are going to take your time until you are happy, okay?

And your mom's gonna help you.

Time for the big g*ns.

I know the absolute, ultimate way to pick the best soccer ball.

Okay?

Okay.

Toss it to him.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

To his head.

At his head?

Yeah. Ready?

Okay.

[Chuckling] There you go. Now, try this one. Wait.

Try this one.

Okay, ready?

Hey.

Let's go, mom.

Yay!

There you go. That was good.

[Laughs]

So it's the red one? You sure?

I'm sure.

Oh, wait. What about shoes?

Don't you need these special soccer shoes?

They're called cleats.

Right.

Cleats.

I got this.

Okay.

Woman over P.A.: Two large bags of soil down in Home Goods.

I'll be right here.

You can go. Okay.

Attention shoppers, we have a sale on all camping equipment in aisle 7.

I thought those glasses were for seeing far away.

They're bifocals.

Bifocals are for old people.

Then I am an old person.

Wait. Go back. Scroll down.

To what?

That.

Is that a man... a horse?

Yeah.

Why?

He must like it.

What is this?

It's an online marketplace.

It's how I find work sometimes.

And you do this in public?

Yeah, I don't use my own computer in case it gets stolen by a thief like you.

What does sodomizing a horse have to do with...

Shh, shh, shh, shh.

I wasn't going to say it out loud.

Well, it seemed like you were about to say it out loud.

It's not just...

There are other listings.

People pay for all sorts of things on the Deep Web.

The Deep Web?

So why don't you do something else?

See, this guy just wants you to watch him... the horse.

That's not so bad. That's easier than what you do.

It sounds worse.

Oh, wait, no. He's only paying 4 Bitcoins.

That's, uh...$2,000.

What?

Mm-hmm.

Well, why do they call it a Bitcoin?

I don't know.

A Bitcoin sounds smaller than a coin.

It does, but it's much bigger.

Hey, maybe there's a job in here for me.

Hey.

This is you?

Yeah.

[Chuckles] Philanthropist.

You only have four and a half stars?

But that's a good thing. The most is five.

No, that means someone probably gave you a one.

Who gave you a one?

May I have an associate in aisle 5, please?

Where did you find that?

Nobody uses the regular Internet anymore.

Get Jacob. Let's go.

Down to the loading dock. Down to the loading dock, please.

[Indistinct chatter]

Jacob?

Jacob?

Call his phone.

Oh, my God.

I still have his phone.

Jacob? Jacob!

Jacob!

Jacob!

Jacob!

Did you find him?

No.

Have you seen a black kid? He's like this tall.

He's wearing a baseball uniform. Did he walk out of the store?

No, ma'am.

He's not here.

We'll find him.

Where? We already checked the whole store.

I just told you I can't find my kid.

This is what we're going to do.

No, you don't get to decide what we do.

Fine, you decide.

Look, we don't have any change.

People don't have change anymore.

I am looking for my child!

Oh, God. [Breathing heavily]

What are you doing? Who are you calling?

Christian.

Why?

It's not like I can call the actual cops.

He'll know what to do.

Are you a detective?

No.

I don't work here.

Okay.

[Slurping]

One sec.

[Cups thud]

[Humming]

[Sighs]

Ah.

Unroll them.

What?

Unroll the sweaters.

[Sighs]

Rhonda Lashever.

FBI.

Thrilled to meet you.

♪ ♪

Why did I take his stupid phone?

Because you're his mother and that's what parents do.

They... They... They take their kids' phones away.

I can't do this.

This happens all the time.

Yeah, to normal moms without restraining orders.

Why did I think this would work?

It was just a trip to a store.

No, it's this whole... I came here to...

I stole the money.

[Sighs] I knew it.

But I didn't actually steal it.

Christian and I took it from two idiots who tried to steal it first.

Well, that is still stealing.

It's my sister's... money!

It's not your sister's... money. It's the hotel's... money.

She's just a manager.

They have insurance for that sh*t.

[Sighs]

Woman: Seriously?

Look, I split it with Christian and now I have over a hundred grand, so I came here to try to...

Yeah, to get Jacob. I understand.

Do you?

Of course I do!

And now he could be anywhere, and I did that to him.

I'm the worst.

No, you're not the worst. We'll find him.

[Crying]

sh*t, I have to call the cops.

No. No. No.

They will know you violated the restraining order.

Obviously, but what am I supposed to do?

They will send you back to prison. You're not calling the cops.

No, I am.

Give me the phone.

No, I'm calling them.

Give me the phone.

Just give me...

I'm calling them!

Operator: 911. What is your emergency?

Hi. I need to report a missing person.

What person?

Don't... Don't... Don't...

Jacob Raines.

Age?

He's 10.

How tall is he, ma'am?

I don't know, like 4'10".

Caucasian? Hispanic?

Black.

Man over P.A.: Attention shoppers, would the parent of Jacob Raines please check in with loss prevention?

Thank you. Enjoy your day.

Operator: Ma'am, are you there?

Ma'am?

[Cellphone beeps]

[Indistinct chatter]

Hello.

Hi.

I'm here for him.

Oh, the shoplifter?

Shoplifter?

No, no. He wouldn't do that.

[Sighs] He stole this.

How do you know? It was recorded by three different video cameras.

Well... I am his father, so... so I apologize for that.

And, uh, I will pay for what he stole.

And, uh, we can go.

You're his dad?

Yeah.

But he's black.

His mother is black.

But he's not even kind of whatever you are.

Is that why you were watching him, because he's black?

What? No. Listen, this is loss prevention.

We're not just giving kids away free to perverts.

I am not a pervert.

Hmm. Prove it.

Write your name down.

Hey. What's his name?

Um... Pablo?

[Baby cooing]

♪ ♪

What happened?

He thought I was a pervert.

That's fair.

Also, Jacob thinks my name is Pablo.

It should be Pablo.

[Door closes]

Mason: Jacob.

Yes?

Do you know what this means?

Yes.

It means that you are going to jail.

What?

If a judge decides that's where you should go.

Oh.

Do you know what happens to kids in jail?

Can't be good.

Not at all.

But you know what, Jacob? I like you.

So I'm gonna give you an opportunity to help yourself, to be absolved of the sins you've committed today.

Look, I know you didn't steal this watch for yourself.

I mean, what are you gonna do with it?

Wear it to social studies?

Maybe.

No.

You stole it to sell, just like all the other watches you've stolen, and I need you to tell me who's helping you fence these watches.

This paper will become part of a police report.

Whatever you write here will go directly to the government.

Do you understand that?

I understand that.

O-Okay. Good.

You're doing really good, Jacob.

So, now, here's the easy part.

Give me the name of the person who brought you to the store today, so I can give that to the police instead of you.

♪ ♪

They're not my sweaters.

Dude... you wrapped $100,000 up in sweaters.

Explain that logic to me.

I can't. It's ridiculous.

It is.

Why would anyone do that?

I... I don't... I don't know. I mean...

You would have to ask that person.

But I assume... so you can't see it.

Shut up.

Okay.

I can see it.

You know...

I'm a parole officer.

I-I-I get all this.

We're the same.

[Chuckles]

[Laughs]

I'm a mother... FBI agent.

We are not the same.

For starters, if I was brainless enough to steal a man's credit card to check into a room at the same hotel I later stole $211,000 from, I wouldn't use the same credit card to buy Cheez-Its at a gas station later that night.

I know you didn't mean to do it, Woodhill.

You're not dumb.

Easy mistake.

These are the same.

You thought you were using your credit card.

Could have happened to anybody who's never done something like this before.

It's really not even your fault.

Whoever dragged you down this rocky road is to blame.

You didn't do this alone.

And you're gonna tell me who helped you.

♪ ♪

Letty: Jacob. Who's this? Over.

It's mom and Pablo.

Hi, mom and Pablo.

I can see the whole store from the TVs in here.

That's very awesome.

But we don't have long, so pay attention, okay?

When the stupid guy comes back, ask to go to the bathroom.

And when he brings you outside, we'll grab you.

Don't be surprised. You can't scream, okay?

Put the walkie in your pocket now.

Okay. Over.

You keep forgetting to say over. Over.

[Door opens]

I have to go to the bathroom.

Okay.

Number two.

Okay.

Dude. It's right over here.

It is?

Yeah.

[Door opens, closes]

[Lock clicks]

The bathroom is in here.

Now what do I do?

Is there another door to somewhere else?

No.

How about a window?

No. I can't tell him I'm here with mom or she'll go to jail.

You're very smart.

Don't worry. We'll figure something out.

♪ ♪

I think we got off on the wrong foot.

How does 60 bucks sound?

God bless you.

But first you have to help me get my kid.

Over there. Go.

[Chuckles] Finally.

Don't worry. I straightened him out.

Thank you.

Hey, I'm here for Jacob.

Hello? Jacob gave you my number?

You called me?

I'm Tiffany Dash, his godmother.

I'm here now.

Um, but that's his mom.

That is not his mom.

Did she say she was his mom?

Did you say you were Jacob's mom?

No, um, uh, she didn't.

So why would you assume that she was?

Um, I... No reason.

There must have been a reason, otherwise you wouldn't have done it.

I am his mama.

Who are you?

Bitch, are you serious?

Mason: Oh, okay. Ladies, let's take a breath.

Jacob Michael Raines is my baby.

And ever since the day he was born, Tuesday, April the 11th, 2006, that boy has been my baby.

Oh, my God. Where is she?

Where's Letty? She put you up to this?

This is all her. Admit it.

Hold on. Aren't you the woman from the parking lot?

You know what? ...this.

Oh, my God.

Tell you what.

Let's go in your office and have a little chat, 'kay?

Okay.

You've reached the voicemail of...

Christian: Christian Woodhill. Please leave a message after the tone.

This is an unfortunate time to stop stalking me.

Everything is about to rain total sh*t.

Call me.

Letty.

What?

[Gasps]

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Are you sure?

It was just a room.

Yeah.

Um, good.

Here.

Never let me take your phone again, okay?

Why did you take the watch?

I would have bought you anything you wanted.

Tell her.

I took it for you.

I thought you would think it would be cool.

A watch from this place?

No.

That I stole it.

He knows about your rap sheet.

He almost started one of his own.

Don't worry. They're not gonna press charges.

She told him I'm on the spectrum.

You can take him home.

Okay.

Woman on P.A.: Attention all shoppers, don't forget to open your ShopMaxx credit card today.

I don't get it, Tiff.

After... Why are you being so nice to me?

Can we talk?

Letty: Where is Kyle now?

I don't know.

He's been sleeping in his office, I think.

[Exhales deeply]

Shirley brings him food.

So are you guys official?

I don't know what that means.

Like exclusive.

I don't know what we are.

Tiffany: He is hot.

I know.

[Sighs]

So, um, I need to ask you a question and I need you to be real with me.

What do you think the chances are that Kyle gets better?

I mean, no one starts out doing dr*gs thinking they'll end up sucking d*ck under a bridge.

Jesus. You think that's what he's doing?

No, not yet. But eventually maybe.

[Crying]

Hey.

Hey, stop.

I have no idea what the hell's going to happen.

Look, let's just talk to Kyle.

Let's talk to Kyle and we'll figure it out.

Okay?

All right.

[Horn honks]

Let me go first. Please stay here.

[Moaning]

Jesus. Get off me, dude.

[Groans] Get the hell off me.

What? Dude, why'd we even bother with a safe word?

Wait. Wait. Letty, wait!

Your business is your business, dude.

I don't care. I didn't see anything.

Don't. Tiffany is outside.

Are you kidding me?

She wanted to talk.

Jesus.

Look, if you don't want her to see you right now, you have to get away from the door.

But if you don't tell her in like the next five days, I will.

Don't, please. Just listen to me. Okay?

What do you think she's doing in there?

Do you know all of the stuff she's done?

Your mom?

Yeah. Yeah.

Do you still like her?

I do.

Why?

When she wants something, she... she takes it.

Nah, not like that.

Well, obviously, yes, also like that, but...

No, I mean... she doesn't settle.

She's always striving for something... for more.

To have more. To... To be more.

To love more.

[Exhales sharply] And that is not easy.

You know, all the other grown-ups, we... we pretend we're stuck.

What did he say?

He wasn't there. He's in court.

Then what took so long?

Jacob: Mom.

What is it, sweetie?

Nana just texted that she and Rob just left the lake.

sh*t. What time is it?

How far is the lake from the house?

Like 25 minutes.

How far away are we?

About the same.

Let's go.

[Horn honks, tires screech]

Faster.

I can't.

Faster!

I can't.

You went faster for soccer balls.

It doesn't... The babysitter is gone.

Your mother will know you were with him.

She'll know I took him away from the house.

She can't know that. You hear me?

We never left the house.

Jacob: Yeah.

That's why I didn't have the security guy call Nana.

You rock big-time. Thank you.

It was fun.

The stealing. I get it now.

It's only fun if you don't get caught.

Fine. Correction... Stealing is not fun under any circumstances.

Oh, sh*t. Is that Rob's truck up there?

Yep.

["You Ain't Seen Nothing Yet" blares through speakers]

♪ You ain't seen nothin' yet ♪
♪ B-B-Baby, you just ain't seen nothin' yet ♪

You ain't seen nothin' yet, baby.

♪ Here's something... Here's something... ♪

Where does that go?

It's not a real road.

Yeah, but where does it go?

Same place that this does.

It's just so the hicks can get their ATVs to their doomsday bunkers.

♪ ...nothing yet ♪

[Engine revs]

♪ You know... You know... ♪
♪ You know you just ain't seen nothin' yet ♪

You're on air guitar. Take it.

I am definitely not on air guitar.

Move.

[Sighs]

Crap. Forgot condoms.

We don't need condoms.

Well, I-I've been thinking that we do, you know, or at least we should until we get married.

What?

Yeah, why not?

Oh, lots of reasons.

But we have never needed condoms.

Wait...

Go. It's green.

Are you on a pill or something?

No.

I had my tubes tied when I was 19.

♪ You ain't seen nothin' yet ♪

What's that got to do with condoms?

I can't get pregnant, Rob.

♪ Here's something that you never forget, baby ♪
♪ Baby, b-b-b-baby, you just ain't seen n-n-nothin' yet ♪

Go!

No, i-it's too late.

It's yellow now. It me... Means stop if you can, which we can because we are.

[Sighs]

♪♪

You okay?

Mm-hmm.

We're never gonna have a family?

No. Go.

I think I need a beer. We're out of beer.

Then why are we bothering going home?

Leave the alligator.

It's in my face.

Drive.

[Sighs]

Drive!

I am driving.

It... Now it's yellow again. I can't...

Oh, my God.

♪ ♪
♪ ...sleazy ♪
♪ Yeah, and I was always there sayin' ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Yeah, she's from the city ♪

Hey!

♪ Oh ♪

Well, this is some bullshit.

♪ She's got a way of takin' it all over you ♪

Javier: Well, I am a private chef.

And one of my clients asked me to cater an event for her, a bar mitzvah.

Letty was a server at that bar mitzvah.

And, um, she dropped a tray.

Her manager yelled at her.

But he defended me. He was really sweet.

Why don't we stay in? Javier can cook.

He's a chef, right?

I could do that.

No, you can't.

Estelle: Why not?

He doesn't have the ingredients.

I have ingredients.

He can't make a gourmet dinner out of Cheetos and doughnut holes.

I am sure whatever you have, it's fine.

Come look.

Are you any good?

I'm okay.

See, veggies aren't so bad.

His aren't.

If you're done, take the plates and put them in the sink.

Then you can watch TV for 10 minutes.

Okay.

I got it.

[Echoing] Oh, don't drop them. Don't drop them.

♪ ♪

Rob: I'm still hungry.

More wine, Javier?

No, thank you. No more wine.

I'll have some.

Well, you're drinking those wine coolers.

Yeah, well, I want normal wine now.

Well, you don't have a glass.

[Scoffs] Never mind.

Are you okay, Rob?

Yeah, sorry.

It's... It's my d*ck.

I asked you not to talk about that in front of strangers.

My d*ck implant? How can I not talk about it.

I mean, you'd talk about it, right?

Maybe.

See. Plus Jav's not a stranger.

You see, what they do is...

Why don't you two go out in front and have a beer?

'Cause we're out of beer, remember?

It's pretty simple, actually...

Oh, my God, Rob.

The point is, go somewhere that's not this room.

I can show you my Rob's Grasshoppers app.

Great. [Sighs]

He's all right.

Thanks.

I'm happy for you.

[Scoffs]

But I've been happy for you before.

[Insects chirping]

Javier: This is a very good app.

It's, uh... It's clear.

That's the whole thing!

Clear. Simple.

People want clear and simple.

You know, it's Uber for gardeners and it's working.

You want to see it, don't you?

Yeah, I do.

Hmm.

It's not totally done yet.

It... It looks done, but it's not.

So, what happens next?

Doc said it'll keep getting bigger for a couple more months.

What did it look like before?

You know, it was like to here and about... About that big around.

Oh, so it wasn't that small.

Not really.

Then why did you make it bigger?

I don't know.

I think I just wanted it to be bigger.

[Grunts] Do you really want to get in shape? Or do you kind of want to get in shape? At Myrtle Beach Hardbodies, we push your fitness goals pedal to the metal!

Hey, that's enough TV!

Cardio. Yoga. Ladies. Got your bar. Guy rocks it out.

Myrtle Beach Hardbodies... We make you hard!

Hey, what did I say? Get ready for bed.

...special offer.

Night, mom.

Oh, night, baby.

[Smooches]

See you in the morning.

Yeah.

♪ ♪

[Sighs]

Mom.

Ah, I was wondering if you were gonna pay me or if I was gonna have to send you a bill.

Thanks for today.

Yeah, win-win.

What if I was to take him for good?

Mnh-mnh. You couldn't afford it.

If there was an amount, how much would it be?

Sweetheart, I don't know how many iPads you lifted this month, but it's gonna cost you a lot more than a couple of grand for you to take my baby from me.

What'd you guys do today?

We stayed at the house, like last time.

We went to ShopMaxx to get a soccer ball.

How'd that go?

It was a sh*t show.

Not what you expected, huh?

It was exhausting.

He was annoying. I was annoyed by him.

Yeah, he can be a real sh*t.

I'm not supposed to feel like that.

Yeah, you are.

It takes practice, baby girl.

[Sighs] And no restraining order.

[Wine pours]

[Water running]

[Banging on door]

Deputy #1: Police!

[Banging continues]

[Door opens]

Good evening, ma'am.

Estelle: What can I do for y'all, officers?

Deputy #2: We're here to do a welfare check on Jacob Raines.

I'm confused.

Well, the women, whoever she was, hung up before the report was completed.

No, sorry, boys. I don't know anything about that.

Is Jacob here now?

He is. He's upstairs sleeping.

What about Jacob?

He's fine. Through here.

What about Jacob?

He's set for life.

Okay. Let's go.

♪ ♪

[Refrigerator door opens]

[Borns' "American Money" plays]

♪ I was there when you fell from the clouds ♪
♪ And landed in the desert ♪
♪ There was a thunder inside of my heart ♪
♪ There was a wonderful pleasure ♪
♪ I knew from the song that you sang ♪
♪ You were my lover for life ♪
♪ Ohhh ♪
♪ There's no time to sleep ♪
♪ Ohhh ♪
♪ Living in a dream ♪
♪ So take me to the paradise in your eyes ♪
♪ Green like American money ♪
♪ You taste just right ♪
♪ Green like American money ♪