03x11 - A Book Fair to Remember

[bunniefuu]

Fresh-squeezed.

Hey, wow.

At least that's what it says on the carton.

[scoffs]

So are you excited for your trip?

No, I feel like I'm just avoiding talking to Josh.

Avoid him. Until you know exactly what you want to say.

He told me he wants to have kids, Maggie.

He needs to stop wasting his time with me.

[sighs] I think I have to end it.

You think you have to end it? Or you have to end it?

I'm pretty sure?

I don't know.

Go to the Hamptons, clear your head, leave the drama in the city.

Right. I'll deal with Josh when I get back.

Go have some fun for God's sake.

Here, take this. This will help.

Give me that.

Trust.

♪ You know just how to get me and how to win ♪
♪ To feel alive, to feel happiness again ♪
♪ Oh well, oh well ♪
♪ Whee-hoo ♪

Ooh, hey, we need to Instagram, Snap, and Tweet our asses off this weekend.

We need to make the most out of being here.

What?

[camera shutter clicks]

#Millennial...

Hashtag...

#LitlnTheHamptons.

Brilliant.

Thank you. Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

You ready for tomorrow?

Getting there.

If Diana asks, I'm at the panel on how Simon met Schuster.

Definitely not playing golf in Bridgehampton.

Got it.

[phone chiming]

Thank you.

Oh, it's Colin.

Hey, would you mind getting our room key?

Oh, yeah, of course.

Uh, Liza Miller from Empirical.

OMG. Liza?

Yay, I have a friend here now.

Hey, Emily.

Are you covering the book fair for "Entertainment Weekly"?

I am, but truth be told, I'm also shopping around a book of my own.

Awesome. You wrote a novel?

It's more of a self-help book.

Wow, cool.

From the point of view of my labradoodle.

Oh?

Her name is Pearl, and she's a baby.

That's a baby.

Cute.

I know, she's the best.

And so smart.

I was always like, I bet if Pearl could talk, she would have the solutions to all my problems, and that's how I got the idea for the book.

I'm either gonna call it "Pearls of Wisdom" or "Conversations with My Doodle."

Or both.

It could be a series.

Do you really think so?

Um, why not?

Well, I'm gonna go get settled. Good luck.

Thank you so much.

♪ Everybody wanna me just like us ♪
♪ Just like us ♪

I've very grateful to Random House, and especially my brilliant editor Pippa Daniels, for taking a chance on my book.

I've been working on it for three years, so I'm really looking forward to getting it out there.

And we're looking forward to reading it.

So thank you again!

Colin McNichol.

Thank you.

[applause] Thank you.

Hey, thank you.

Hey, thanks so much.

Hey, there you are.

Could you tell how nervous I was?

No, I think you did great.

He's a super star. Hi, Kels.

Hi, Pippa.

Hey, so Random House is having their big party at the Surf Lodge tomorrow after the panels.

You're coming right?

No.

Actually my party's tomorrow after the panels.

You're kidding.

No, I'm not.

Great, so I can release the ticket, then?

No, no, no.

Don't release the ticket just yet.

Just in case, right?

Okay, well, space is tight, so just keep me posted.

Will do.

Hey. High-class problems, right?

Mm-hmm.

[laughs]

Um, you guys, we have a reading at the Bridgehampton Library in thirty minutes.

You're welcome to come, but don't you have an imprint of your own to worry about?

Go.

Bye.

♪ ♪

Why don't we come to the Hamptons Book Fair every year?

I mean, this is so nice.

It's gotten better.

It used to be card tables, hard backs, and poor Mary Higgins Clark just baking in the sun.

Ugh, I hate when people call models "real women."

You know what's real, cellulite.

Most of these women are friends of mine, and I can assure you they are not models, and they are definitely ovov 40.

She has four kids.

Hi, I'm Amy, the photographer.

Hi. Liza.

These photographs are beautiful, Amy.

So beautiful.

Oh, thank you.

Pardon me.

Kiss ass.

♪ ♪

Hello, neighbor.

Hi.

Look who has knees.

[laughs]

Uh, golfing.

You going to the beach?

Oh, yeah.

Ah, well, enjoy yourself.

You too.

♪ This is the life ♪
♪ This is the life, life, life ♪
♪ This is the life ♪
♪ This is the life ♪
♪ This is the life, life, life ♪
♪ This is the life ♪

Hey.

♪ Give it up for the kids ♪

Wow.

Oh, this is nice.

Oh, this is necessary.

You want one?

What, a slushie?

It's frozen rosé.

It's very refreshing, and it's not too high in alcohol, so you could drink three really, really fast and catch up with me.

Uh, I'm good.

Does this heavyish day drinking have something to do with Colin's panel?

His party is at the same time as ours tomorrow.

Hype or no hype, that's where everyone is going to be.

Our guest list is growing.

Yeah, because Random House is at full capacity.

You two again.

The Frosé is ah-maze, am I right?

Emily, you should totally come to our Millennial party tomorrow night.

I'd love to.

I couldn't get into the Surf Lodge party.

Hey, sorry if the "EW" story made things complicated with Colin.

It's all good.

I wanted to write more about you two, but I had the hardest time finding any info on Liza.

Oh, yeah, I don't... I don't have much of an Internet presence.

Yeah, you really don't.

Well, actually she does, if you look really, really hard enough.

♪ ♪

You know, actually I want...

I do want to try one of those Fro... Frosé things.

I'll go get it.

Someone's got to save our seats.

The vultures are circling.

I'm coming back.

Oh, my God.

Does Kelsey not know?

Not know what?

Okay.

So your real age is like a secret-secret.

Liza, I know you're 40.

Wha... What?

Um, why would you say that?

You know that I went to Dartmouth with...

Marta Beem. Deerslayer!

We ran into each other at that assistant's mixer.

She only pretended to recognize you that night.

The truth is, she had to go through the Dartmouth alumni directory to find you. And she did.

But like, way back in the nineties.

Okay, look, I couldn't get hired as a 40 year-old and I was desperate to get back into publishing.

Oh, my God.

Don't worry!

Marta took a job in Houston so we'll never see her again.

And I am like a steel trap.

Your secret is safe with me.

Thank you so much.

That's the good news.

The bad news is no one is seeing the potential in my doodle book, and on top of that, the book fair is such a snooze I have nothing to write about.

Except, can you imagine if "EW" knew your story?

I-I thought "EW" was focused on entertainment.

Not people's private business.

That's literally what entertainment is.

I mean, you could be totally the next Rachel Dolezal.

No thank you.

Then I think you should publish my book.

Or I'll publish your story.

[slurping]

[upbeat rock music]

Hey.

Hey.

I just checked the Top Deck; it looks amazing.

The flowers just arrived. The alcohol's on the way.

People are going to come to our party, right?

Yes.

Except for Colin. He is all booked up.

I don't know why I thought we'd have any time together.

[phone chimes]

_

Yeah, this really isn't what I was expecting either.

Good morning.

Hi. Good morning.

So I have some good news.

I had lunch with John Irving yesterday, and he's going to stop by the Millennial party.

John Irving?

He's an old friend of my dad's.

That's so great.

Yeah, it's great.

I'm gonna tweet it out right now.

Danish? Good choice.

♪ ♪

[mouthing]

You know, John Irving is amazing, but I'm not really sure a drop-in from him is on brand for Millennial.

Like, we need young, hot, new authors at the party.

I totally know what you mean.

You know, I actually got a manuscript yesterday from a new, up-and-coming author.

Who?

Emily Burns.

Emily Burns from "EW"?

Yeah.

Okay. What is it?

It's an advice book.

Advice from Emily Burns?

No, from her dog.

Oh, my God. What?

I know it sounds silly, but, you know, I actually...

I actually think it could be a really big hit.

I mean, tons of people have dogs, and I'm sure they wonder what they're thinking.

Yeah, maybe, but they don't wonder what her dog's thinking.

Or what she thinks it's thinking.

Emily is not an author; she's someone's assistant.

I'm someone's assistant.

Liza, you're so much more than that.

We run this imprint together.

And that's why I'm asking you to trust me and publish this book.

You're screwing with me, right?

I know, I just... I really think that Emily's, like, tapped into something.

Tell her no.

Believe me, she won't be surprised.

♪ ♪

[phone chimes]

[phone chimes]

[phone chimes]

♪ ♪

Excuse me.

Do you do commissions?

Yes.

Great.

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

This is nice.

See, we can hang out without Liza.

Exactly.

Uh.

Hmm.

I can't believe she's gone a day and I already miss her.

I know, me too.

Do you think she knows how much I love her?

Of course she does.

But I also think that she knows that having a family is gonna be important to you one day.

What's important to me is her.

You know?

I think she's the one.

The one?

Oh boy, you know there's no such thing as "the one" right?

Okay, whatever you want to call it, it's...

Liza and I are supposed to be together.

She would realize that if she stopped overthinking everything.

She does overthink things.

I can't argue with that. Hmm.

I just really don't want to lose her, Mags.

♪ ♪

Then don't.

♪ ♪

Come on.

Uh, here we are.

That was quite the hike.

Here, here, here, here.

This is the most secluded beach with the best light.

It's the perfect place to sh**t nudes.

Oh, I hadn't planned on going nude.

No, Richard's very cerebral.

The mere suggestion of nudity is enough for him, so...

No. Do it for you.

Trust me, in 20 years when you look back, it's not that dress you'll wish you still had.

Okay.

Yes. Yes, yes, yes.

♪ ♪

Oh, wonderful.

Now I want you to sit on your right hip and turn your body towards me.

Relax your arms.

Yes, yes. You look gorgeous.

Have you modeled before?

Well, as a child I was in an advertisement for the local hospital, so...

Okay, now I want you to lean forward at the waist and just gather your breasts as if you're presenting a gift to your lover.

Oh, my God, you look like a mermaid!

[gasps] You know what?

I'm gonna get some saltwater and wet your hair.

I think we're getting closer.

There it is. On that lady's butt.

Stop right there! Stop right there.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Amy!

Chill out, there's just a Tauros behind you.

It's "Pokémon Go."

What? Amy!

Get away! Get away! Get away! Get away! Get away!

Snatched it!

Sick.

What'd they snatch? What did they snatch?

I am so sorry.

I thought you said this was secluded!

I'm sure nothing like that will happen again.

[wind blowing]

I hope there's room for two in that caftan.

In just six months Millennial Print has launched two "New York Times" bestsellers.

A massive achievement for such a new imprint.

And it's thanks to the hard work of Kelsey Peters and Liza Miller.

[cheers and applause]

Thank you, and with all of your support, we hope to continue this trajectory.

To Millennial!

[all cheer]

Millennial.

Hey.

Hi.

Um, did you get my email?

The one with all the dog facts?

47% of households have dogs, and that's just in the United States.

It's not happening.

Did you see this?

Colin's party is blowing up on social media, and they stole our hashtag.

I hate feeling like I'm competing with him.

You're not competing with him.

You're competing with Pippa.

Just put ten people in a tight corner, take a picture, and this party will look crowded too.

That's a great idea.

♪ ♪

Perfect. Thanks.

[sighs]

Hi.

What are you doing here?

Your party can't be over.

No, I snuck out.

I was tired of talking about myself, shaking hands.

Mm-hmm.

You're the only person I wanted to see.

Pippa is going to k*ll you.

She's probably lost her sh*t by now.

[laughs] Come here.

Just so she knows you're in good hands.

All right.

[camera shutter clicks]

Hey, girl.

Oh my God, the lobster rolls are so good.

Glad you like them.

Hey, um, look, Emily, I've pitched the book a couple times to Kelsey, and she's... she's just not responding to it.

Well, that's not good news for either of us, is it?

My article for "EW" is, like, due.

Jess Cagle is up my ass so far I can't sit down.

What story am I going to send him, Liza?

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

Okay, you know what, just... Can you hold on?

Colin, hey.

I hear Random House is keeping you busy.

Yeah, I'm very grateful.

And exhausted.

Oh, you must be.

He's had seven panels and four interviews today.

I don't know how you're still standing.

[grunts]

[laughs]

Gosh, you guys should get out of here.

Go, spend some time together.

Seriously, I've got everything covered here.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Absolutely. Go have fun.

It's an order.

Okay.

Thank you.

Bye.

Swallow; you're about to get a book deal.

[glass dinging]

Hi.

Um, I have an announcement to make.

Millennial's newest author is actually here with us tonight.

Please give a warm welcome to Emily Burns.

[scattered applause]

♪ ♪

[phone chimes]

[sighs]

You are standing in front of the place where I used to scoop ice cream as a kid.

I cannot imagine that.

That I scooped ice cream?

No, you as a kid.

I can only picture you this tall and with that voice.

Well, when I worked here I was 15.

So picture me a little shorter, big hair, faint moustache, and short shorts.

Oh, so really cool, huh?

Yep.

[laughs]

Got it.

And, uh, that bar, Stephen Talkhouse, I used to sneak in the back when the busboys took their breaks.

I'd wait by the trash cans, then run in.

That seems like the most difficult way to do it.

Why didn't you just use a fake ID?

I didn't know where to get one.

Well, they're pretty easy to get nowadays.

I mean, not now-now. Like, I don't have one now.

Oh, my God.

Is Berlin is playing tonight?

Are you serious? I love Berlin!

Really?

Yeah.

They're...

Uh, my babysitter got me into them.

Huh. Should we go in?

We have to go in.

♪ ♪

And then I took the caftan and she had to walk back in her underwear.

[laughs] I felt bad, but, you know, not bad enough to not let her keep the deposit.

[laughs]

Well, not to one-up your trauma, but I had an incident of my own.

Oh?

I cut myself pretty badly trying to shave a certain part.

A southerly part?

Yes.

I wanted to send you a picture.

Oh, that is so sweet.

I guess our love wasn't made for modern technology.

Our what?

I wish you were here.

Well, I am.

Let's not hang up.

♪ Can you feel it now ♪
♪ No more words ♪
♪ You're telling me you love me while you're looking away ♪
♪ No more words ♪
♪ No more words ♪
♪ And no more promises of love ♪

This place is so great.

It hasn't changed.

I love that you're into this music.

♪ No more words ♪
♪ No more words ♪
♪ And no more promises of love ♪

[cheers and applause]

This next one you might have heard before.

["Take My Breath Away" plays]

♪ ♪
♪ Watching every motion ♪
♪ In my foolish lover's game ♪
♪ ♪
♪ On this endless ocean ♪
♪ Finally lovers know no shame ♪
♪ ♪
♪ Turning and returning ♪

Oh, my God.

This song, it was my... babysitter's prom song.

You were really close with that babysitter.

Yeah. Right.

This is the song that was playing the first time that Tori Stevens and I...

I am telling you way too many stories about myself.

No, not at all.

You sure?

Yeah, I like hearing them.

♪ ♪

I like you.

♪ Take my breath away ♪
♪ ♪

[crickets chirping]

So, uh, that unexpected.

Uh, yeah, yeah, didn't know Berlin was still together.

[laughs] Yeah.

Must have been a one-night only kind of thing.

Uh, I sure hope not.

[soft acoustic guitar music]

♪ ♪

This feels so good, but I still haven't quite figured out things with my... With Josh.

Hmm, yeah.

It seems like you do have a few things to figure out.

♪ You never felt this way ♪
♪ What a wicked thing to do ♪
♪ To make me dream of you ♪
♪ And I ♪
♪ Don't want to fall in love ♪
♪ This girl is only gonna break your heart ♪
♪ With you ♪