02x11 - A Park Family Christmas

[bunniefuu]

[Laughs] Look at you.

You did that thing where you forgot it's the weekend.

Oh, no, is it Friday? I don't want to go to work.

Ken, Ken, it's Saturday.

Oh. Thank God.

What a roller coaster.

I'm just going in to see a couple patients.

You know how busy the holidays are for therapists.

Add to that everything I have to do around here.

I feel you. I just wish I could lighten your load a little without, you know, actually doing anything.

Well, we're off to the library.

Time for Dave to learn the Dewey Decimal System.

Oh. So it's 1938?

[Laughs]

You laugh, but when the grid goes down and there's no more Internet, don't ask me to help you find books.

Okay, you guys. This is it.

I'm about to send my application to Stanford.

Oh! This is so exciting!

Attagirl.

Yep.

Once I hit this button, there's no turning back.

Well, technically, Stanford can turn you back.

Don't listen to him, honey.

You've got nothing to worry about.

Yeah, you retook the SATs and brought them up to Hugh Jackman level.

You know, not perfect, but "Damn!"

So, here we go.

Am I sending it too early?

I hate to be on the top of the pile.

You always throw out the first pancake.

I'm not sure it works that way.

Yeah, when your mom makes pancakes, we sometimes throw out all of them.

Really? Now? Pick your moments.

Okay.

Hello, future.

Ah!

Oh, no.

I hit the semicolon.

Do you think it's a sign that I should wait?

[Keyboard clicks]

Taking too long.

Good luck. Let's go.

Fudge?

Oh, thank you.

If she can get here by 10:00, I'll see her.

Fine, I'll hold.

Hey, Allison, you want to try my vegan fudge?

No time. Super slammed today.

Wow, who doesn't want vegan fudge?

Anybody with a mouth.

Ugh.

By the way, I am the bearer of sad tidings.

Due to budgetary constraints, the Welltopia holiday party has been cancelled.

Oh. Come on.

Son of a barley!

Hey, don't blame me. I'm only the messenger.

And the guy who cancelled it.

Well, at least we still have secret Santa.

Allison, you in?

Oh, I don't know if I'll have time.

It's all right. We knew you weren't gonna do it anyway.

Yeah, no problem.

I mean, as they say, the less, the merrier.

Oh! Speaking of Christmas shopping, I haven't gotten Eric's present yet.

Oof, I am in the same boat with Connor, and it is so stressful.

Bam! Sweater.

[Laughs] I've had my eye on this bad boy for weeks.

It's one of those big snuggly fisherman sweaters.

Okay, it's mostly for me to wear.

But he gets to see me in it.

I should get him that bra I want.

I wish it was that easy to buy for Connor.

Yeah, his gifts are so much better than mine.

Last Easter, I got him candy.

Like, candy, right?

He adopted, in my name, 100 live bunnies, rescued from children's Easter baskets, and paid for them to live out their days happily frolicking at Camp Nibbles.

It's like he reads my soul.

Yeah, that sounds like voodoo.

I don't like that.

14 patients in 8 1/2 hours.

Wow, that's a lot of neediness for one person to absorb.

I'm used to it.

[Laughs]

Yeah, I'm a handful.

Hey, you know how Welltopia cancelled the holiday party?

I was thinking we should host it.

What? No. Why?

'Cause everyone here sees me as all business.

You are.

They assumed I wasn't gonna do secret Santa.

You weren't.

I just want them to see that worker bee Allison isn't the whole story.

But it is.

Seriously, I want them to see fun Allison.

Yeah, I remember her from before we got married.

I know you're fun, but I also know you take on too much.

You need to use this week off to recharge.

I know you think a party will be more work, but I promise I'll take care of everything.

Sure, but who's gonna take care of you?

Me, by shutting down this party idea.

Allison, you have a walk in. You want to take her?

No, no. She doesn't want to take...

It's okay, I'll see her.

Oh, Damona.

The holiday party's back on.

Ken and I are gonna host it.

Thanks, Dr. Ken! You are the best!

Actually, it was my idea.

I have ideas like that all the time.

Yeah, it's gonna be fun.

Bring Eric, assuming he likes fun.

Okay.

So, the librarian asked you to play Santa for the kids' party?

Why?

Isn't it obvious?

Because I'm so jolly.

Do the laugh, Grandpa.

[Sternly] Ho.

And Dave will be my elf.

It's just a question of which elf costume I wear.

Am I Legolas from "Lord of the Rings" or Dobby from "Harry Potter"?

Don't nerd this up.

You're a regular North Pole elf, okay?

Sure, if you want to lean into the cliché.

So, what are you gonna wear to our party on Friday?

Jeans and a cute top, but with a different house over it, 'cause I'll be at Tammy's.

She's having people over.

Ooh, Allison, you can't compete with that.

Tammy's parents have a hot tub.

We're not canceling.

[Sighs] It started as just people from work.

Now they're all bringing plus-ones.

Even Pat scared up a friend.

Who's he bringing?

I don't know. Curt something.

Hang on, you mean his friend Curt from high school?

I guess. I can't imagine Pat having more than one friend.

That guy is, like, the Dean of Admissions at Stanford.

Mom, uninvite them. We can't risk having a party that isn't up to Stanford standards.

Stanford's not gonna reject you because your mom threw a bad party, and I'm not gonna throw a bad party.

I'm fun.

But are you Stanford-caliber fun?

Can you throw a party worthy of Google co-founder Larry Page or actress Sigourney Weaver?

We're gonna have meatballs.

Well, there's always community college.

[Doorknob rattling]

Hey, hon, need a hand?

Actually, I do have one party-related job for you.

You realize "need a hand's" just an expression, right?

Okay, I know you're not on board with the party, but maybe that would change if you became the party entertainment.

[Gasps] Comedy?

I was thinking more Christmas music.

Oh, my God.

Really? Ooh!

I mean, everyone already knows me for my stand-up.

Everybody?

[Chuckles]

Just watch their jaws drop when I tickle these ivories.

♪ Moe Tannenbaum, Moe Tannenbaum ♪
♪ The head of radiology ♪

Make sure we invite Moe.

Oh, there's always this Christmas classic.

♪ Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an... ♪

[Laughs]

I don't think I'll be able to get through that one.

[Laughing] Oh, my God.

♪ Jingle ♪

... nope.

Come here for a second. I need your opinion.

What's up?

Connor's Christmas gift.

What do you think?

"The Complete Works of Walt Whitman" and the biography of Ruth Bader Ginsberg.

Uh-huh, yeah.

Because he loves the phrase "poetic justice."

Huh?

Okay, poetic.

Justice.

[Sighs] I know. It's terrible.

I just... I'm trying to do what he does and be personal and clever, and it is hopeless.

Don't worry about trying to top what he gets you.

I just... I really want to make this Christmas special for him.

He's not working right now, and he can't afford to fly home to Virginia to see his mom, who, fun fact, is also named Virginia.

Yeah. And Connor is very attached to Virginia.

His mother, not the state.

The state he could take or leave, which he did.

But he's sad about not seeing her, and I just... just wanted to cheer him up.

Okay, well, there's your gift.

Fly Connor's mom out for Christmas.

[Scoffs] That's amazing.

[Laughs]

Yeah, yeah, I'll... I'll... I'll get her here Friday night, and I'll present her to Connor at the party.

Yeah!

It's so good!

Well, time to go spread some cheer.

We went traditional with our costumes, except Grandpa refuses to wear the belly.

Morbidly obese Santa is a bad role model for lazy American kids.

Bowl full of jelly?

I don't think so.

Let's go.

Okay.

Figured out what I'm gonna open with tonight.

Wait, what's happening here?

Is Dad playing at the party?

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of copays ♪

Am I right? Am I right?

[Laughs] It's a medical audience.

It'll k*ll.

Dad, I will give you $1,000 not to play tonight.

Sweet, paid gig.

♪ Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪

Ken, Ken! Did you forget to buy ice?

I've been working on my music, Allison.

I mean, you don't ask Yo-Yo Ma to put out a bunch of folding chairs for his concerts.

That's more than fair.

Go buy ice.

Fine, but if my fingers get numb, that's on you, girl.

[Knock on door]

[Telephone rings]

Hi!

Merry Christmas!

Happy holidays! Come on in.

Hello. Just a sec.

Make yourselves at home, everyone, and tonight, drink responsibly means your responsible for helping finish all of it.

[Laughs]

I'm fun.

Yeah, what's going on?

Happy holidays, young Park.

And thanks for inviting me.

Uh-huh, yeah. Where's the Stanford guy?

Curt said he'd meet me here, to which I quipped, "You already know me."

I didn't think you had to be there.

I guess I was wrong.

Hey.

I'll be back in two minutes.

One of our patients just attempted su1c1de.

What?

[Sighs]

It's Gary Fleiss. He's at the hospital.

Acetaminophen overdose.

I just saw him. Is he stable?

Yes.

I've been treating him for depression, but I never thought...

I better go.

Look, I know it's your instinct to go, but even still, you're entitled to a night off.

Gary needs me.

Okay, this is what I mean about burning yourself out.

Patient care suffers when doctors over work.

It also suffers when they don't show up.

But you're part of the Welltopia team now.

Dr. Mendlove is on call. Let him take care of it.

Mendlove doesn't know Gary as well as I do.

He doesn't just need a doctor.

He needs a friend.

[Door closes]

His name is Lucas, and he wants a Pokémon.

Santa will bring you a ball.

Next.

Santa, I want "Call of Duty IV."

Video game? No.

Santa will bring you a ball.

Run around outside, get exercise.

Next.

Does he even know who Santa Claus is?

It's anyone's guess.

I don't know what I was doing, Doc.

Everything just felt so overwhelming.

Gary, I told you if it gets like that, call me.

You have my cell.

Yeah, I should've.

Instead I took a handful of pills.

I knew right away it was a mistake, so I called the ambulance.

I'm sorry for being such a bother.

It's no bother. You're my patient.

Hey, he's mine, too.

Stop bogarting Gary, man.

You came.

Well, as a wise doctor once told me, sometimes you don't just need a doctor, you need a friend.

So, do you have any nausea or abdominal pain?

Not anymore.

I think it's all out of my system.

And on the floor of the ambulance.

[Laughs] Well, vomiting's good, Gary.

It's the body's way of saying, "Don't order sushi in Bakersfield."

[Laughs]

His blood work and liver function tests are normal.

Oh, that's great.

Okay, well, we'll check these again tomorrow and the next day, but medically speaking, you're stable and clear to go home.

It doesn't feel much like home anymore.

It's been two years to the day since my wife passed away.

It's tough enough to lose someone, but when it happens over Christmas, it's that much tougher.

But thanks to you guys, I'll be okay.

Sorry to pull you away from what seems like it was a nice evening.

Well, they did clear you to leave, but that doesn't mean you have to go home.

We're inviting you to our party.

Oh! I did not get that at all.

[Chuckles]

All I really want for Christmas is for my mommy and daddy to love each other and to stop fighting all the time.

My name is Santa, not Dr. Phil.

You get a ball. Next.

My name's Erin, and I don't want a ball.

Okay, no ball.

You get book. Next.

I like Sassy Cassie books, like "Sassy Cassie's Fashion Show."

How about "Sassy Cassie Study's Math, Get High-Paying Job in Tech Sector?"

That book doesn't sound fun.

Fun? Lazy American kids always want fun.

U.S. children... 45th in reading and math scores.

How much fun is that?

Okay, let's all thank Santa for coming tonight.

He needs to get back to the North Pole.

But there are more children.

Grandpa, read the room.

Our work here is done.

I don't get it. What's the problem?

Santa's not a gruff guy telling everybody what they're doing wrong.

He's about joy and making people happy.

Dave.

Thank you.

You get ball.

Connor's mom's plane landed two hours ago, and she took a cab to the wrong address in Canoga Park.

Pssh! Old people.

So, just send another taxi.

That'll take forever.

And Virginia doesn't trust Uber.

She thinks it's a form of hitchhiking.

Hey, young Park, the caterers wanted me to pass on a couple of messages.

First, there's no need to panic.

Second, it'd be just super if you happened to have a fire extinguisher.

Oh, God!

Yeah.

[Fire alarm beeping]

I told you this sweater looks better on me.

Yeah, it does.

I just would've worn another layer if I'd known you wanted it tonight.

[Chuckles]

Oh, hey, looks like a whole string of lights are not plugged in.

Oh, plug them in, babe.

[Popping]

Oh! Oh!

What happened?!

Mnh-mnh.

I ain't seen nothing.

Okay, people, I'm not b*at yet.

We're gonna pitch in and pull this party together.

Connor, go buy us a big bag of ice.

Okay.

Damona, Pat, Eric, can you go to the kitchen and help salvage b*rned-up finger foods?

Absolutely.

Can I get a jacket?

Clark, organize the bar.

Okay, but you need to give me complete creative control.

Grandpa! Perfect.

You're gonna drive to Canoga Park and show Virginia there really is a Santa Claus!

I don't know what that means.

Just start driving east. I'll call you!

Dave, you think you can work some elfen magic on the fuse box?

I didn't win three science fair ribbons based entirely on looks.

Whoo!

[Cheers and applause]

Nice job, people. Good work pulling it together.

Ah, young Park. This is my friend Curt.

Curt, this is Stanford University applicant Molly Park.

Subtle.

Nice to meet you.

So, when did you get here?

I came in when the lights were out, and you were marshalling the troops.

Pretty impressive.

Really?

You know, we're not a m*llitary school, per se, but we've graduated 400 generals and m*llitary leaders.

Mm-hmm. Not to mention Richard Morningstar, former U.S. Ambassador to Azerbaijan.

You know, to state the obvious one.

Mom, Dad, you're back!

The Stanford guy is here.

Oh, you must be Gary.

My parents texted you were coming.

Glad you could join us.

Me too.

This party looks great.

Thanks. I planned it.

And I saved it.

Thanks again for having me.

Happy holidays.

Ooh! Meatballs!

I'm glad we invited him.

I'm glad you're awesome.

You managed to take care of patients and still throw a kickass party.

He's not lying, Allison.

This is really fun.

You hear that?

Yeah.

Allison and fun in the same sentence.

[Laughs]

Oh, hey, mistletoe.

Oh, that's a cobweb with a leaf stuck in it.

Either way, coming in.

Oh, everybody!

Eyes here.

Okay, I have a little gift I would like to present to my boyfriend, Connor.

Merry Christmas, baby.

[Gasps]

Oh, my God! Mom!

Merry Christmas, honey.

Oh.

Hi!

This is the sweetest, most thoughtful gift imaginable.

Well, you know, I guess there's a talent to gift giving, and some of us have it.

[Sighs] Thank you.

And thank you.

That's just what Santa does.

And, uh, this is especially wonderful because Mom is here to witness my gift to you.

Oh.

[Gasps]

Clark...

[Gasps]

My love, my everything.

Will you marry me?

Yeah.

Yes?

I-I do. I will. Yes.

[Cheers and applause]

Damn it. You b*at me again.

The party I planned.

So, I was president of the Spanish Club, Honors Society, and I volunteered at my parents' HMO.

And I am so sorry that charred octopus is a little over-charred. Would you rather have sushi?

I'd be happy to run to Sugarfish.

It'll just take 20 minutes.

Molly, Molly, Molly, hang on. Hang on.

I appreciate your enthusiasm, and you seem like a wonderful person.

But, you know, this party can't be a factor in whether or not you get into Stanford.

Oh, of course not.

But I have a good feeling.

Good luck.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

I got a wink and a "good luck."

I got a wink and a "good luck!"

Whoo!

♪ Have yourself a merry little Christmas ♪
♪ Make the yuletide gay ♪

Already covered.

♪ From now on, our troubles will be miles away ♪
♪ Through the years, we'll always be together ♪
♪ If the fates allow ♪
♪ Hang a shining star ♪
♪ Across the highest bough ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ So ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Have yourself ♪
♪ A merry little Christmas now ♪