01x04 - John's To-Do List 5-18-12

[bunniefuu]

[crowd cheering in distance]

[crowd volume increases]

Radio announcer: Niles Cox up on the sideline.

Niles Cox sh**t.

Goal!

[crowd roars]

Boys: Goal!

[overlapping shouts]

Stop!

Stay right there!

Radio announcer: You wouldn't want to be a Jaywick man stuck in south Essex today.

Nastiest rivalry in the Premiere League.

And the underdog, Jaywick Sands, up by two goals.

Goal!

[crowd cheers]

Jaywick Sands! Oh! The Big Man!

The Big Man!

Bus driver: Gravesroad. South Essex.

Crowd chanting: Oh, Jaywick Sands! Oh, Jaywick Sands!

Is wonderful! Is wonderful!

Big Man?

Big Man?

Big Man?

Big Man!

Big Man!

Big Man Niles Cox!

Big Man!

Hello. Here, please, Big Man Niles Cox.

Okay.

Now, go back where you came from Paki, huh?

[crowd chanting continues] ...is wonderful!

It's full of tits...

Oh, Jaywick Sands! Oh, Jaywick Sands!

Is wonderful! Is wonderful!

It's full of tits, fanny, we're united!

Oh, Jaywick Sands is wonderful!

[fades]

John.

I can take that from you now.

Thank you.

You're staying here?

Yeah, you?

I'm in the William of Orange room.

I'm in Oscar, King of Sweden.

We could have met in the lobby.

[elevator bell dings]

Male voice: Thank you. The Cleric is indebted to you.

Leave your hotel tomorrow.

You'll transfer the bag to Al-Mashad on the 19th.

[line clicks]

[phone beeps]

♪♪ [theme]

♪ Travelin' north ♪
♪ Travelin' north to find you ♪
♪ Train wheels b*ating the wind in my eyes ♪
♪ Don't even know what I'll say when I find you ♪
♪ Call out your name, love, don't be surprised ♪
♪ It's so many miles ♪
♪ And so long since I've met you ♪
♪ Don't even know what I'll find when I get to you ♪
♪ But suddenly, now, I know where I belong ♪
♪ It's many hundred miles ♪
♪ And it won't be long ♪

[bang]

♪ It won't be long ♪
♪ It won't be long ♪
♪ It won't be long ♪
♪♪ [strumming]

♪ Freight train, freight train, goin' so fast ♪
♪ Freight train, freight train ♪
♪ Run so fast ♪
♪ I don't know what train I'm on ♪
♪ So I don't know ♪
♪ Where I'm going ♪
♪ I don't know what train I'm on ♪
♪ So I don't know ♪
♪ Where I'm going ♪

Budy-buddy, huh?

What?

Buddy-buddy With La Croix?

You're buddy-buddy?

Well, listen.

I'll be throwing five plates of the Denon presentation your way.

So you'll be performing that...

You'll be performing that for Denon, for Lawrence, for all of us, at 3 P.M. Luxembourg time.

That's 17 hours from now.

That'll give your buddy a chance to see you do your thing.

I haven't prepared any plate work.

Well, good luck.

[zips]

Buddy.

What's with the gear?

Woman: The helmet helps reduce the swelling Steven will encounter at high elevations.

You excited about coming to Luxembourg?

Yeah.

Woman: Don't lose your helmet, Steven.

I won't.

Well, you did this morning.

Just for an hour.

Hey! Don't sass!

[zips]

[urinal flushes]

Have you seen her?

Therapist girl?

I love her. I'm certain.

[zips]

[scoffs]

[flushes]

John: Hey, sweetheart. Everything is cool.

Um, one good thing.

Um, I made a new friend at this job.

It's a guy named Dennis.

Boy: Somebody sh*t him. [imitates g*nf*re]

John: Hey, there's...

There's something I've been meaning to tell you, and it's kind of hard to say.

♪♪ [acoustic guitar]

♪ Sweetheart ♪
♪ There's something I have to tell you ♪
♪ I haven't told you ♪
♪ And it's going to scare you ♪

[device beeps]

What are you worried about, hon?

He's not okay.

I wanna go and see him.

Look, I know he's in Milwaukee.

I could be three in three hours.

And how do you know this?

It's just... A dumb pen.

You brought it.

Hmm.

There's a woman in Europe.

She's investigating this thing... this incident that John's connected to.

She's gotten footing.

Nothing meaningful, but footing.

And, Alice, she cannot connect the person that John's positioned as right now to John Tavner.

And she cannot connect him to you.

It means his freedom.

Something happened, and it means his freedom.

He called you, I know, from this place on this night.

You've already broken the rules.

No, I didn't, Tom.

But John did.

For the first time.

[sighs]

We have this principle we use when we're trying to locate someone who doesn't want to be discovered.

You are what you can't stop doing.

What that means...

If we discover what someone is passionate about, then that person and that thing will intersect.

Passion involves compulsion.

And people... All people have compulsions that draw them away from their safety and their best interests.

People and what they love don't always intersect.

People and their compulsions do.

And John, well, he's compelled toward you.

He's crazy about you.

And if this woman learns that and follows you to your impending point of intersection, well, then that's the end of all of it, honey.

So, I'm sorry, but I can't allow you two to intersect.

[soft sigh]

I wanna look out for him.

Because...

Why?

Because I don't think anyone's looking out for him, Dad.

I am.

Oh...

I'll go to him now.

Okay, hon?

I'll go right now.

Don't let go.

I got you.

Are you holding on?

Yes.

Dad?

I'm here.

[crash]

[indistinct PA ananouncement]

It's one man.

And you say that he...

Took off.

With your attaché materials?

Yes.

Which are?

Maps.

Of?

Lands.

Which?

[exhales]

I don't know that I'm allowed to say.

You are.

Hot spots.

Uh, Madagascar.

Um, El Dorado.

That's a city of lore.

What?

It doesn't exist.

Yeah. Right.

I... I meant Spain.

I had so many maps in there...

Anyway, it was akin to...

Do you have purse snatchings here?

Seldom.

Hmm.

Well, it was like that.

Akin to.

They just ran by, snatched my bag.

That was that.

Did you fight?

[chuckles]

I fought like hell.

I asked to interview you because your att*ck happened in the radius of a m*rder on the same evening of the m*rder within the same hour.

Wow.

I'm afraid I told you everything I can about that evening.

[Woman speaking French on P.A.]

I can't believe all that money fit in this pillow.

I may have seemed a little nervous back there at TSA.

It's cool.

I just want you to know that fainting isn't a sign of weakness.

It's just a sign that your bod doesn't have the support system to cross the finish line.

Okay.

Thanks.

You have more than piping on your mind.

Stressed?

So?

Can I show you something?

Something that helps me?

Let me see your Blackberry.

The day planning feature. Let's take a look.

What's the most important thing you have to accomplish today?

Do you remember there was a sum of money?

I handed it off, and we can't find the guy now.

So... what?

So I have to find him... before he uses the money to...

I need to find him today.

Okay, what's the second most important thing?

Probably Leslie's f*ckin' plate thing.

Westphalia Odeon at the King Gerald hotel.

What?

The conference is at the Westphalia Odeon.

It's... It's wondrous.

It's... It's like a hundred Harbaughs.

Great.

f*ck.

Hey, let's tackle it.

What's the first task today?

First task up?

[Blackberry chimes]

Well, I have to capture a guy.

Tape him up. Yeah.

Then put him in this bag.

How long does that take typically?

[whispers] Taping a man?

I don't know. I've never done it before.

Probably a lot.

It's probably hard.

You wanna put, like...

...four minutes?

Uh, whatever.

Well, I mean, it's not whatever.

John, we're making a schedule.

I'm just gonna put four minutes.

Hey, don't put "capture a guy."

Well, what should I put?

I don't know.

Put "CG."

Okay.

Good code.

For your ringtone, I'm just gonna pick a random reminder from my cloud, okay?

What do you have for the rest of the day?

A lot.

Yeah. Good.

Yeah, that's why we're doing this, so you can do a lot.

♪♪ [Queen's "You're My Best Friend" plays]

♪ Oh, you're the best friend ♪
♪ That I ever had ♪
♪ I've been with you such a long t... ♪

[speaks Portuguese]

[panting]

[panting continues]

[bell rings]

[door closes]

[bell rings]

[motor whirring]

[bell rings]

[bell rings]

♪♪ [Queen ringtone playing]

♪ Oh, you're the best friend ♪

Alexa on phone: You are one minute behind schedule.

John: I'm gonna grab Barros and get him to Edward right away.

Tom: Then what?

John: And then I'll meet these brothers sometime that day, and I'll get them to take the money I'm bringing over.

If I have the little brother, right?

There's a thr*at. If there's no thr*at, they'll just keep asking for the red bag, or they'll go to the detective and f*ck everything up.

Tom: All right. Don't get defensive.

It's just a little weird, putting a guy in a bag.

John: You know...

Tom: What?

John: That's not a fair technique in an argument to call someone defensive.

Tom: It's a great technique, because they can't argue with you after that.

They have to stop arguing or they'll sound defensive.

Just make sure you get him to Edward that morning, because you have to get to the bagman straight away.

Hey, man.

Hey.

Oh, I'm glad to see you.

Yeah.

I gotta get this bag off.

Yeah.

Yeah, I can't take it.

What?

Yeah, I can't.

Can't what?

Take the bag.

f*ck, man. What?

Yeah, can't. Someone's following me.

♪♪ [Queen ringtone plays]

My car's right there, but I can't take it, and I can't talk to you.

Oh, man. f*ck.

Yeah. f*ck.

I got stuff to do.

Yeah. It sucks.

Alexa on phone: You are 22 minutes behind schedule.

f*ck, man.

Tom: Now, I'm sure the bagman checked out of the King Gerald.

He knows you'll be looking for him.

But you're gonna find him that morning.

John: How?

Tom: How would someone find you?

John: Well, if someone really knew me, I post sometimes on the same forum, I guess.

Neo-traditional music forum.

I'm in a fight with this guy, Greg12, about whether Willie Nelson f*cked up Pancho and Lefty.

Tom: Don't pick a fight with Willie.

John: I'm not.

Tom: Who doesn't love Willie?

John: No one. I do.

I'm not in a fight with Willie Nelson.

I'm in a fight with Greg12, because I like the original.

Someone could catch me doing that, fighting on that website, and maybe find me that way, if they knew me.

Tom: Well, stop doing that.

John: Yeah. I always plan to... then I don't.

I want to get the final word in with Greg12.

Tom: Greg12 is probably 12.

You want to jeopardize everything because of fight with a 12 year old?

John: Yeah, I see your... Yeah.

Tom: So there's a noonday game.

John: The Jaywick thing?

Tom: He grew up in South Essex.

It's their rivalry game today.

Hemsby Palace.

If you're from that city...

You know how people say "the big game"?

It's that kind of game.

John: You think he's going to leave $11 million on its own?

And go to a bar and watch soccer?

Tom: Yes.

John: Why?

Tom: The same reason you're fighting with a 12 year old, I'd say.

It's only being telecast at the one pub there.

The Bishop.

Oh, Jaywick Sands! Oh, Jaywick Sands!

Is wonderful! Is wonderful!

Oh, Jaywick Sands is wonderful!

It's full of tits...

Alexa on phone: You are one hour and seventeen minutes behind schedule.

Oh, Jaywick Sands!

Is wonderful! Is wonderful!

[chanting continues in distance]

Oh, Jaywick Sands! Oh, Jaywick Sands!

Is wonderful! Is wonderful!

Um, hey! Hey, man!

Hey! That's my bag, man.

Hey, sorry, man.

Go away.

Wait, wait, wait. Come here.

You deliver food for them, the Bishop?

Fish and chips.

To where?

Anywhere.

Hotels?

Uh, I can't say.

I can't...

This week? Any hotels this week?

Uh...

I can't say, can't say.

Any this week?

[deep sigh]

Any this week?

Hotel Cortez, 604.

f*ck.

[muffled straining]

[straining continues]

♪♪ [Queen ringtone plays]

♪ Oh... ♪

Alexa on phone: Confront Barros Brothers.

You are two hours and forty minutes late for this task.

Meet Denon Team for drinks.

You are one hour and one minute late for this task.

Leslie's f*cking Plate Thing.

The King Gerald Hotel.

This task is 27 minutes from now.

[bag thuds]

[slams]

[grunts]

♪♪ [piano]

[labored breathing]

He used his computer here six days ago.

A Mr. John Tyhmens?

He fights with a little kid on a website we like about Willie Nelson.

He did that from here.

Last week. A Mr. John Tyhmens.

I checked on I.S.P.

We had no Tyhmens.

Mr. John Lakeman.

He resembles Mr. John Lakeman who stayed here last week.

Mr. John Lakeman?

Mr. John Lakeman.

He is due back.

Mr. John Lakeman.

Yes. Today.

This guy?

Mr. John Lakeman.

Yes.

Good.

You can keep that.

You sure?

Sure. Do you like music?

Sure.

You're gonna like that.

♪♪ [Queen ringtone plays]

♪ Oh, you're the best friend ♪
♪ That I ever had ♪

Alexa on phone: Leslie's f*cking Plate Thing.

The King Gerald Hotel.

This task is two minutes from now.

Hey, sorry, man. I just slipped her.

f*ck.

Who's this guy?

This is my brother.

Hey, man.

This is my friend Dennis.

It's okay. He knows a bunch of sh*t he shouldn't know.

I had to borrow his pee.

Never mind.

Hey, can someone take this bag?

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Let's get in there.

You got a plate presentation to make.

Jesus, f*ck.

I got it. No problem.

I could f*ck with this thing on.

Hi.

How are you?

You like music?

Great. Then you're gonna love this.

[bell dings]

Crush it.

Tie it down.

f*ck it.

[man lecturing indistinct]

That's the long and short of it, folks.

And now to explain the core of Donnely nut plate spacing and cracked reconfiguration, my associate, John Lakeman.

[light applause]

[exhales]

Hey, guys. Hey.

Ready to talk plate processing and residue transport plate funneling?

Why don't we start with joust jambs?

Hey, why not?

Plates and jousts?

Can we couple them?

Hell, yeah, we can.

Want to know how?

Get this.

Proprietary to McMillan.

Only us. Ready?

We fit Donnely nut spacing grip grids and splay-flexed brace columns against beam-fastened derrick husk nuts and girdle plate Jerries, while plate flex tandems press task apparati of 10 vertpin-plated pan traps at every maiden clamp plate packet.

Knuckle couplers plate alternating sprams from the T-Nut to the S.K.N to the chim line.

Whoa.

Yeah.

That is the McMillan Way.

And it's just another day at the office.

Yes.

How will you account for lift slippage if your girdle plate Jerries cross the prim fixture?

You mean the prasm span fixture rig, guy?

Oh, yes. Sorry. Oui.

We haven't been using prims since 2004.

This guy, right?

[chuckling]

Let's get serious.

Hunched Howzer heat rails.

Let's talk about 'em.

I gotta get something back. It's got my photo on it.

Um, what?

Something that's not normal.

I'm supposed to be a normal piper here.

Get that safe open.

The 11 million bucks aren't in there. It's too small.

His passport might be. Keep him stuck here.

Weren't you supposed to meet with this dude's brothers today?

[muffled straining]

[door closes]

I put it on his schedule.

What do you do at the Milwaukee thing?

I'm a normal piper.

Huh.

Mr. John Lakeman.

A police detective left this for you.

We should just drop it out the window like in cartoons.

You know what?

I mean...

What?

I've just been wondering in this moment after you said that why so many safes fall out of windows in cartoons.

Why the f*ck are safes falling out of windows so much?

Maybe the basis for that is that that's how people would get them open.

That could be the basis for that.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying.

Maybe people were trying to open them that way.

That forms the basis for the cartoons.

Which, you know, the best ones, they always reflect real life.

Yeah, true.

All clear! Go for it!

Cool.

This is like MythBusters!

Have you seen that show?

What?

Have you seen the show MythBusters?

No. Is it good?

It is.

What's the... What's the basis of it?

Uh, well, it's these two guys...

Well, it's a little team, and, uh, they put myths to the test.

Like... Uh...

Let me think of a good one here.

Um, man, I'm drawing a blank.

I watch this show all the time.

I can't believe I can't know of one.

Oh, it would be like, uh, if somebody breaks a window on a plane, would that create a vacuum?

And they put it to the test.

Wow. Okay.

Does it?

Nope.

Okay, you ready for this?

[laughs] Awesome!

Cartoons are right!

[girls laughing]

[girl laughs]

[man laughs]

[footsteps departing]

[keys jingle]

[body thuds]

♪♪ [piano]