09x08 - The Two Hundredth

[bunniefuu]

Act 1

Scene 1 - KACL

Fade in. Frasier is on the air.

Frasier: Welcome back, Seattle. Thank you for joining us for this,
our two thousandth show. Hard to believe, isn't it Roz?
Roz: No, that feels just about right.
Frasier: Ah, yes, well what a festive day this is. No stop has been
un-pulled. I would like to take this opportunity to
acknowledge the anniversary luncheon spread supplied by our
friends at Senor José Fong, home of the sweet and sour taco.

Roz takes a bite of one.

Frasier: And don't forget, a little later, we'll have Microsoft
chairman Bill Gates, live in studio to congratulate me
on my two thousandth show. Apparently, I hear through
the grapevine, he is a big fan. Roz, what do we have next?
Roz: It's time for another blooper.
Frasier: Oh, well, I believe we're up to number four, as voted by you,
the listeners. Here's what happened when a certain producer...
[Roz grins sheepishly] didn't realize her microphone was on,
during the show...

Roz plugs in a cart.

Roz: [on tape] Now what the [beep] is this!? You call this a
[beep] paycheck?! How the [beep] am I supposed to live on
this [beep]!? I'm gonna have a little word with that [beep]-
damn station manager, walking around here like he owns the
mother-[beep]-ing place!

Kenny has entered during this last sentence. As Frasier and Roz are
cracking up listening to the tape, he leans over the guest mike.

Kenny: Can't believe that wasn't voted number one.
Frasier: Ladies and gentlemen, it's our station manager, KACL’s own
Kenny Daly.
Kenny: Listen, Doc, I got a special someone out there who'd like to
say "Hello".
Frasier: By all means, let's bring him in, Kenny. Ladies and gentlemen,
our special guest has finally arrived. Please welcome...

Bulldog Briscoe comes in and loudly barks, then hits his air horn.

Frasier: ...Bulldog!
Bulldog: Great to see you, Doc. Hey, Roz.

Roz makes a gesture of greeting that looks suspiciously like "Up yours."

Frasier: Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's our old friend and former
colleague, Bob "Bulldog" Briscoe. Thanks for coming down
and helping me celebrate my two thousandth show.
Bulldog: Yeah, yeah congrats. I didn't' think you'd last two weeks.
Listen up, sports fans, Bulldog here! I know what you're all
thinking: Bulldog's been gone too long. How can you get me
back on the air? Okay, listen up. You send your cards and
letters of support to Kenny Daly, KACL, PO Box....

Kenny steps in and waves to Frasier and Roz. Bill Gates is with him.

Frasier: Bulldog, our special guest has arrived.
Bulldog: PO Box 451, Seattle...
Frasier: Bulldog! Would you and your noisemaker wait in Roz's booth?
Bulldog: This is an air horn, Doc.
Frasier: Yes, I was referring to that flapping hole above your chin,
now get out!

Bulldog leaves and Bill Gates comes in.

Frasier: Ladies and gentlemen, let's please welcome Microsoft chairman
Bill Gates. Good to see you, sir.

Bill sits down in the chair in front of the other mike.

Bill: Sorry I was late.
Frasier: That's quite all right.
Bill: I was just talking to an old friend.
Frasier: Yes.

Noel passes by the window and flashes Bill the Vulcan "Live Long and
Prosper" sign. Bill gives him a thumbs up as Frasier and Roz share a
surprised look.

Frasier: Well, I've got so many questions to ask you, why don't we just
dive right in? I've been wondering, when did you first become
a fan of my show?
Roz: Excuse me, Warren from Kirkland is on line two.
Frasier: Yes, Roz, I won't be taking any calls until after Mr. Gates
has left.
Roz: Actually, it's for Mr. Gates.
Frasier: Well, go ahead, caller, you're on with Mr. Bill Gates.
Warren: [v.o.] Yeah, hi, Mr. Gates. I bought your new Windows XP
program and I'm about to install it as an upgrade. Do I have
to make a boot disk?
Bill: That's a very good question, you don't need to make a boot
disk. You just put the CD in and it'll upgrade.
Frasier: I hope that answers your question, Warren...
Bill: It's a feature of XP, very quick, very smooth. Hey, this is
fun.
Frasier: Thank you for calling, Warren. Now, where were we?
Roz: Can Mr. Gates take a few more calls? The board is lighting
up! Wow, who knew we had a line seven?
Frasier: Roz, I believe Mr. Gates is probably anxious to get on with
the interview?
Bill: No, no, I'm happy to.
Frasier: Very well. Go ahead, caller.
Estelle: [v.o.] Wow, Bill Gates, this is so cool!
Bill: Thank you.
Estelle: Hey, I have a question about multi-lingual user interface
add-ons. What are those?

Frasier takes off his headphones and goes to Roz's side of the booth.

Bill: Well, the multi-lingual add-ons let you run Windows in
different languages. You can use it in German or...
Frasier: Can you believe that egomaniacal gasbag? He's taking over
my show!
Roz: Don't you think you're exaggerating just a bit?
Bill: Who do we have next, Roz?
Roz: We have Bob, from Freemont. He has a question about his
laptop.
Bill: Go ahead, Bob, I'm listening.

The others happily watch as Frasier stands there, fuming. FADE OUT.

Scene 2 - Frasier's Apartment

Fade in. Frasier comes into his bedroom, lays his jacket on the bed
and opens his briefcase. He takes out a tape.

Frasier: Two thousand shows.

He walks to the armoire and opens it, revealing a collection of all his
shows. He put the tape in the next open slot and reverently passes a
hand across the collection. Niles calls from the living room.

Niles: Hurry up, Frasier, we're gonna miss the reservations!
Frasier: Yeah, I'll be right there.

He goes to his dressing room and puts on a different jacket. Coming
back, he closes the armoire and heads for the living room, only to
stop short, a disturbed look on his face. He goes back and opens up
the armoire, then jerks in shock and gasps.

CUT TO: the living room.
Niles, Daphne and Martin are waiting for Frasier.

Daphne: Two thousand shows. That's quite a milestone.
Niles: It certainly is. Can anyone tell me what happened today?
I forgot to listen.
Martin: I just listened for five minutes in case he asks me what my
favorite part was.
Daphne: I just say the call from Tacoma. There's bound to be a call
from Tacoma.

Frasier comes out.

Frasier: Excuse me, could I see all of you in my room for just a jiff?

They follow him off.

Martin: But I'm hungry!

CUT TO: Frasier's room as the all come in.

Frasier: Okay, are we all here? Good.
Martin: What's wrong?
Frasier: Something is amiss.

He dramatically opens the armoire.

Niles: I'll say. I always thought that was a sweater cubby.
Frasier: Well it's not. It's a collection of all my shows. I was just
examining my collection when I realized that someone had placed
one of my tapes upside down.

Martin gasps.

Martin: What kind of sick, twisted... well, turn it right side up and
let's go eat! You probably did it yourself!
Frasier: All right, conceivably, but... I guarantee you I would never
remove my tape from the case and replace it with "The Best
of Hall and Oates." All right, I won't be mad, just tell me:
who did this?

The others just stand there.

Frasier: Nobody did this?
Martin: Tell you what, I did it. Now can we go eat?
Frasier: Not so fast, Dad. Okay, let's examine the evidence.

The others all let out groans. Martin sits down on the bed, Niles
takes the desk chair, Daphne wanders back.

Frasier: A Hall and Oates tape. That rules you out, Dad. And it
definitely rules out Niles.
Daphne: [in tears] Dr. Crane...
Frasier: Or does it? Perhaps the tape is just a red herring, meant
to throw me off the scent. A psychological game. There's
only one of you that would combat me on that level.
Daphne: I did it.
Frasier: Ah-ha!
Niles: You can't say "Ah ha", you thought it was me.
Frasier: Why'd you do it, Daphne?
Daphne: I didn't mean to. I was trying to listen to a tape in that
boom box you gave me for Christmas. Only I wasn't getting
any sound and I didn't know if it were the tape or the boom
box and I didn't have any other tapes so I grabbed one of
your tapes just to test the boom box out and it turns out it
was the boom box after all. Only then I couldn't get it out
of the boom box so I used a screwdriver to pry it out and I
broke the tape, I'm so sorry.

She sits down on the bed in tears, Niles gets up to comfort her.

Niles: There, there, Daphne...
Frasier: Stand down, Niles.

He sits on the bed next to Daphne.

Frasier: Daphne, do you realize what you've done? This isn't like
any other tape you can go down to your local music shop and
purchase, it's unique. And irreplaceable.
Niles: Can't you just get the station to make you a copy?
Frasier: Unless I get the station to make me another copy. Which of
course I can. The only transgression here is that Daphne
didn't come to me with the truth.
Daphne: I'm so sorry, Dr. Crane, I will never to you lie again.
Frasier: Well, if that's what you've learned, it was all worth it.
So, what are we all sitting here for. I believe we all
have a two thousandth show to celebrate.

Frasier closes the armoire and they all get up and head out the door.

Niles: Hear, hear.
Frasier: So, did you all listen?
Niles: Oh, did we.
Martin: Great.
Daphne: I especially liked that call from Tacoma.
Frasier: Oh, which one?

FADE OUT.

Scene 3 - KACL

Fade in. Frasier and Roz enter a room filled with boxes.

Frasier: You know, in nine years this is the first time I've been down
to the archives.
Roz: Oh, my God, I remember this place.
Frasier: Really?
Roz: I came down here once after a Christmas party.
Frasier: Whatever for?
Roz: Well, I had a little too much champagne, and you know how you
get a little lonely around the holidays?

Bulldog comes from the back and smacks Roz on her backside.

Bulldog: Brings back memories, huh, Roz?
Frasier: Bulldog!
Bulldog: That was some Christmas, huh? When Santa left a bit of
Bulldog in your stockings?
Roz: You're disgusting!
Bulldog: What, I went too far? Why don't you come back here, I'll
slip you an apology.

Roz slaps him.

Bulldog: Bulldog's still got it!
Frasier: Bulldog, what the hell are you doing here?
Bulldog: Oh, this is my new job. I, uh, catalogue the archive. You
know, I clean up a bit. But I figure I'll be back on the air
in no time, as long as I att*ck this job with my trademark
"Can Do" attitude.
Frasier: Great, then. We're looking for a copy of my show, episode 893.
Bulldog: No can do.
Frasier: What?
Bulldog: What? I've only been here an hour, I don't even know where
the john is. Where's my Powerbar? I had a Powerbar here.
SOMEONE STOLE MY POWERBAR! THIS STINKS! THIS IS TOTAL B.S.!
THIS IS... oh, here it is.

He grabs it and goes out the back door.

Roz: Frasier, here's a box marked "Best of Crane".
Frasier: Oh, thanks Roz, let's have a look. Ah, good.

He opens the box and finds it almost empty.

Frasier: There's just a few tapes in here. All right, keep looking.

Kenny comes in.

Kenny: Oh, hey, Doc.
Frasier: Kenny, just the man I was looking for. Listen, where are all
the tapes of my shows kept?

Kenny lifts the lid of the box.

Kenny: You got 'em. Right there.
Roz: Well, where are the rest of them?
Frasier: Yes!
Kenny: There are no rest. We record over them. I mean, look around,
Doc, we've got a space problem down here.

Bulldog comes in the back door.

Bulldog: Hey, Kenny, where do you want me to put these snow tires?
Kenny: Oh, put 'em right to my kids' bikes.

He happily heads out the door. FADE OUT.

IT'S A FANCY WAY
TO SAY "FAVOR"


Scene 4 - KACL

Fade in. Frasier is on the air.

Frasier: Good afternoon, Seattle. Before we go to the phones, I have
a boon to ask of you. If any of you happens to have in your
possession a tape of my broadcast from June 14, 1996, I am
in need of a copy. You see, I understand that from time to
time, people who call into my show record it, perhaps in order
to review my advice or even to play it for some friends. Now,
I realize this is a bit of a long sh*t, but it is the only
missing tape of my collection and therefore of course has
great sentimental value. Thanks for your consideration. Now,
Roz, who's our first caller?
Roz: We have Joe from Bachon Island on line one.
Frasier: Go ahead Joe, I'm listening.
Joe: [v.o.] About that missing tape...
Frasier: Yes, yes?
Joe: I know what you're going through. A couple years ago, I was
in a taxi cab and lost a gold cuff link.
Frasier: Yes, and this relates to my missing tape how?
Joe: Well, it's missing and I'm bummed. It had the initials "J.S."
on it. If anyone finds it, I'd love to have it back.
Frasier: Yes, I'm sure you would, but unless it's about my missing
tape, well then I would prefer to stick to calls about mental
and emotional issues as usual. Thank you for your call.
Who's our next caller, Roz?
Roz: We have Phyllis from Green Lake.
Frasier: Phyllis, go ahead, I'm listening.
Phyllis: [v.o.] My cat ran away last Wednesday. She's orange with a
white chest and one white paw...
Frasier: Phyllis, all right. Hold on, hold on a minute! All right
now, listen to me people. I don't want to turn this show
into the lost and found bin of the airwaves. Phyllis, I'm
going to let you finish your description of your cat and
then we're going back to our regular show, all right?
Phyllis: Okay. She has green eyes, a rhinestone collar, and when
she's happy...

The scene DISSOLVES to later.

Frasier: Let's recap: in the last three hours, we have located a
missing engagement ring, one lost cuff link, two missing
cats, and we've actually reunited Eric from Belltown with
his biological parents. Still, sadly, no sign of my missing
tape. To that end, listeners, please scour you attics,
basements, hope chests, whatever. Meantime, this is Doctor
Frasier Crane wishing you good day and good mental health.
And don't forget to look behind things.

He takes off his headset as Roz comes over from her side.

Roz: I'm sorry, Frasier.
Frasier: Oh, that's all right, Roz. It'll turn up, I mean it's only
the first day. Word'll get around, I'm sure somebody has
that tape.
Roz: I just don't want you to get your hopes up too high. Chances
are, that tape is gone for good.
Frasier: Well, if that's the case, then so be it. Life will go on.

He heads out the door.

DISSOLVE TO:

Scene 5 - Frasier's bedroom.
Frasier is trying to sleep, tossing and turning, but still staring at
the empty spot in his collection.

FADE OUT

End of Act 1

Act 2

THE LOST WEEKEND


Scene 1 - Frasier's Apartment

Fade in. Frasier comes into the living room in his bathrobe.

Daphne: Hello, Dr. Crane. How was your nap?
Frasier: Lovely. Daphne, could you make me a cup of tea, please, and
whatever meal would be appropriate for this time of day?

He plops down on the couch. Eddie puts his head in his lap while
Daphne sits on the arm of the couch to comfort him.

Daphne: Dr. Crane, you've been in bed all weekend. How about going
for a nice walk?
Frasier: No, thanks.
Daphne: Well, how about going to a movie then? Take your mind off
your troubles.
Frasier: My car's in the shop.
Daphne: You could take public transportation.

Frasier lets out a little laugh, then quiets down again. The doorbell
rings.

Daphne: Oh, I wonder who this could be? [She opens the door.] Oh,
look, it's your brother Niles, here for a visit.
Niles: [entering, he speaks very slowly and clearly] Hello, Frasier,
how are we today?
Frasier: What the hell is wrong with the two of you? You'd think I'd
been found walking in the park in my underwear, talking to
pigeons.
Daphne: Would we like a walk in the park?

Frasier gets up and heads for his room. Niles follows. They meet
Martin coming into the living room.

Niles: All right, Frasier, Frasier wait...
Martin: Hey, lookin' good, buddy.

Frasier just keeps walking.

Martin: Not any better, huh?
Daphne: No, and I feel just awful. This is all my fault.
Martin: Oh, come on.
Daphne: I'm the one who ruined his treasured collection.
Martin: Oh, all his crap is treasured. But look, don't feel bad.
I've broken lots of his stuff.
Daphne: I've never heard of you breaking anything.
Martin: That's because I know how to cover my tracks. Take a look
at that fertility god statue over there. It used to be a
lot more fertile, if you know what I mean.

Daphne goes over and looks closely.

Daphne: Oh my God! This is a Tootsie Roll! That's brilliant!
Martin: Aw, that's nothin'. Here, check out this vase. [he pulls down
a piece of pottery] Two years ago Eddie and me were horsin'
around and I knocked it over, it took me hours to glue it back
together again.
Daphne: Why, you can't even tell. I had no idea you were so devious.
Martin: Come on, I'll show you how to make ginger ale look like fifty
year-old brandy.

CUT TO: Frasier's bedroom.
Frasier is back in bed, Niles is sitting on a chair next to him.

Frasier: Listen, Niles, I appreciate your concern, I really do, but
frankly I am in no mood to endure therapy with my younger
brother, no matter how well-intentioned.
Niles: I am not trying to butt in, I'm just curious as to why this
tape matters so much to you. Do you ever listen to these?
Frasier: Once. When I had a date over. Proved a useful mood setter.
Niles: Okay... Well, tell me this, then: do you ever intend to listen
to any of the others?
Frasier: Don't know.
Niles: So, why is it so important to you to have each and every one
of them?
Frasier: Because it's a collection, Niles. That's what a collection
is.
Niles: Is it possible that a harmless collection has become an
unhealthy obsession?
Frasier: It's, it's just a hobby. All right?
Niles: Or an obsession.
Frasier: An eccentricity.
Niles: Or an obsession.
Frasier: You know, it's a quirk. That's it, I'm quirky. I'm
delightfully quirky.
Niles: Do you realize that your delightful quirk has brought your
life to a standstill?
Frasier: Niles, I've just finished my two thousandth show. I'm
exhausted, physically and emotionally. I believe that
I am entitled to an entire weekend of doing nothing,
don't you?

He rolls over.

Niles: Do you know you have your pajamas on backwards?
Frasier: Another delightful quirk of mine.
Niles: Not from where I'm sitting.

Martin comes in, holding a piece of paper.

Martin: Hey, Fras! The station called, some guy has your tape.
Frasier: Oh, uh, well, thanks, Dad. Yes, well, I'll tend to this
by and by...

He sets the paper down. Niles grabs it.

Niles: All right, I'll get the car.
Frasier: I'll put on some pants.
Niles: Zipper goes in front.

He leaves, Frasier glaring after him. FADE OUT.

Scene 2 - Tom's Apartment

Fade in. Tom is bringing a plate of snacks out of the kitchen when
there is a knock at the door. He answers it to find Frasier.

Frasier: Hello.
Tom: Hello, yes, Dr. Crane. Please come in. Please make yourself
at home.
Frasier: You must be Tom.
Tom: And you must be the greatest radio talk show host ever!
Frasier: You can call me Frasier.
Niles: I think I'll wait outside.
Tom: I didn't know you were bringing someone.
Frasier: Oh, Tom, this is my brother Niles.
Tom: Oh.
Niles: Hello, Tom.
Tom: Hi, yes. Uh, didn't you fill in on Frasier's show a couple
of times?
Niles: Well, yes actually I did.
Tom: Yeah, yeah, you were all right.
Niles: You flatter me.
Tom: So, what's it like?
Niles: Excuse me?
Tom: Being Frasier Crane's brother? Being able to talk to him
whenever you want, having access to that great brain twenty-
four hours a day?
Niles: You know, I think I left my lights on.
Tom: No, no please, don't leave yet. Please, if you don't mind,
I was hoping you'd take a picture of Frasier and I.
Frasier: Well, of course he doesn't mind. Actually, I've even brought
along an eight by ten photo, personalized, of course.
Tom: Oh, my, that's really, I don't know...
Frasier: Yes, I thought you might like that.
Tom: I'll have to do some rearranging, but don't worry, I'll find
some room for it somewhere.

He opens the curtains on the back wall to reveal a wall full of signs,
posters and photos of Frasier. He pins the new one in place.

Niles: I, uh, thought that was a window.
Tom: Yeah, well it was. Okay, I'm gonna go get the camera.

He heads off.

Niles: Frasier, this man is deeply disturbed.
Frasier: Why? Because he has a few pictures of me on his wall?

The phone rings.

Niles: This man is obviously obsessed with you.
Frasier: What is it with you? I'm obsessed, he's obsessed. I think
you're the one who's obsessed with being obsessed.
Niles: All right, I apologize. He's delightfully quirky.

The answering machine picks up the phone. The outgoing message is
Frasier's voice, recorded from the show.

Machine: Go ahead caller, I'm listening.
Caller: This is your mother, call me - and change that stupid message
already!

Tom comes back in the room with an instant camera.

Tom: Aw, mom, get a life, why don't you? Here we go. [he sits on
the couch, his arm around Frasier] Now I want to record this
historic moment, because I don't want to wake up tomorrow and
find out this was all part of a dream. Because I've had this
dream before. Many times. Sometimes we're in London,
sometimes we're in Paris, sometimes we're riding mules down
the Grand Canyon.

Frasier has begun to look nervous at this, but Niles takes the picture.

Tom: Oh my God! This is gonna be the jewel of my collection. I'm
gonna get a special frame for it and I'm gonna look at it
while I'm listening to the show and I... Oh, wait a minute.
Uh listen, uh Frasier's brother, your thumb was in front of
the lens. If you don't mind, just one more. And you know
what, bring that chair closer come over here for a second,
sit there, this is gonna be great. [He urges Frasier over
to the chair.] Sit there, just like that, and this time, why
don't you act like you're giving me advice.
Frasier: Right, all right. Tom, I was just wondering, have you ever
called into the show?
Tom: Me? Why would I call the show?

Niles takes the picture again.

Tom: Ooh! Did your head just touch that?
Frasier: Yes, I'm sorry.
Tom: Don't be.

Tom grabs a plastic container and takes the doily from the back of the
chair.

Frasier: Oh, so, Tom. I take it you've been listening to the show for
some time.

Tom sits down and puts the doily in a plastic bag and then into the
container.

Tom: Are you kidding? From day one. I got so hooked that
eventually I started taping them so that I didn't miss
anything. I even was skipping out of work early so I
could make sure to be home on time.
Niles: So, Tom, in a way you could say your obsession with your
collection was bringing your life to a standstill.
Tom: Yes, yes exactly. Until I realized how ridiculous I was
being. I mean, missing work to tape the show?
Frasier: Good for you, Tom. So you could say that it's possible to
have a passion for collecting without losing sight of your
priorities.
Tom: Yes, exactly. And that's why I quit my job. Oh, this turned
out really nice. And you know, eventually, the money ran out
so I got a gig as a night doorman. And that way, I could - oh
[he takes the camera back from Niles] - I could, uh, you know
listen to the show a second time on my Walkman and then I could
do my transcriptions at work.
Frasier: You transcribe the show?
Tom: Well, you gotta have a backup.
Frasier: Listen, Tom, you know I must confess I'm a bit concerned.
I'm delighted to have you as a fan, I really am. But the
whole purpose of my show is to help people live better lives,
and I'm afraid that I've hurt yours. I just... there should
be more to life than... there should be more.
Tom: Yes, but as you always say: Life is most fulfilling when
spent in the pursuit of one's passions.
Frasier: Yes, but as I've also said: Weave the tapestry of your life
with many diverse threads.
Tom: Ah, yes, but you added: Make sure to weave the pattern that
pleases you most.
Niles: "Weave the tapestry with diverse threads"?
Tom: Yes, Frasier said all of these things, and many others.
He is a genius. Would you like some guacamole?

They all sit.

Frasier: Yes, thanks Tom. Look, I don't really want to talk you into
anything, it seems I've done enough of that already. [Tom
hands him a chip with sauce on it.] Thank you. Tom, what
I'm getting at here is that I think there could be more to
your life than just my tapes and pictures. Now, if you'd
be interested in exploring those issues further, I can
recommend someone who'd be glad to talk with you.

Behind Tom, Niles shakes his head and mouths "Not me."

Tom: Why? I have you.
Frasier: Thank you. Well, you know, I think it's time we got going.

They all get up and Niles and Frasier head out the door.

Tom: Oh no, so soon? Well I suppose someone like you has a lot
of things they gotta do. I'm glad you could come at all.
Please, stop by any time you want.
Frasier: Thank you, Tom, it was a pleasure.
Tom: Oh, don't forget your tape.
Frasier: You know, Tom, I'd like you to keep that.
Tom: But, this is the reason you came.
Frasier: If I ever need it, I'll know where to find it.

He leaves. Niles pauses in the doorway.

Niles: Um, you know those shows where I sat in for Frasier? You
wouldn't happen to have those tapes, would you?
Tom: Sorry, I don't collect just anything.

Niles, disappointed, leaves. FADE OUT.

Scene 3 - Frasier's Apartment

Fade in. Daphne is on the couch, Martin is in his chair. Frasier and
Niles come in the front.

Martin: Hey, there he is. Did you get your tape back?
Frasier: Actually, no I didn't.
Daphne: What happened?
Frasier: Daphne, tonight I saw an example of how an obsession can take
over a man's life. I don't want to be that man. Therefore
I chose to leave it and render my collection imperfect. But
that's all right, you see, I don't need things to be perfect.

He starts walking across the living room, then notices something.

Frasier: Hello? Something's amiss.

He picks up the pottery Martin showed Daphne and gasps.

Frasier: My double-handled amphora! All right, no one leaves!

He turns around to an empty living room. FADE OUT.

Credits:

Frasier is finishing his reworking the amphora. He gets up to replace
it on the shelf as Martin comes in. As Frasier puts the vase down, he
notices the fertility idol and takes a closer look. Spotting this,
Martin quickly turns around and heads back to his room.