10x21 - The Separation Agitation

[bunniefuu]

All right, we're about to go live.

Everyone on their A-game!

Good energy!

Hello.

I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.

And welcome to a special retrospective, where we will take a look back at the history of Fun with Flags on an episode we're calling...

BOTH: “Fun with Flags: Behind the Flags: A Retrospective.”

(upbeat music playing)

♪ Wondering how it all began?

♪ You'll need a good attention span ♪

♪ For information and entertainment ♪

♪ That's equally effective ♪

♪ It's fun with flags ♪

♪ Behind the flags ♪

♪ A retrospective ♪

♪ Flags. ♪

Mind you, when we say “behind the flags”" we don't literally mean these flags.

That's just where we have dinner.

Now, I'm sure many of you are wondering how Fun with Flags began.

So let's hear from some people who were there at the very start.

H-Howard.
Flashback sounds.

(piano playing arpeggios)

Could have played that on my harp.

Just roll the clip.

SHELDON: So tell us in your own words about that magical moment when Fun with Flags was born.

I honestly don't remember.

SHELDON: Sure you do.

I was telling you both the story about how Haiti and Lichtenstein discovered they had the same flag.

It was at the Summer Olympics of , and two plucky nations...

Oh, wait. I remember.

Oh, and do you remember what you said?

Yes. “Please find someone who cares”"

And that's exactly what I did.

I found a lot of someones.

Almost .

Many of them on purpose.

And now we're going to turn it over to you, the viewers, to call in and share your favorite Fun with Flags moments.

And-and don't get discouraged if the phone lines are jammed.

Just keep trying.

(computer chimes)

Oh, thank God!

Welcome to Fun with Flags!

BERT: Hey, Sheldon.

Hey, Amy. It's Bert.

Hello, Bert.

What is your flag-related comment or query?

I have a girlfriend.

And what does that have to do with flags?

Nothing. I just wanted everyone to know I have a girlfriend.

Bert, you're tying up the line.

My apologies to all of you trying to call in with legitimate flag comments.

Ooh, ooh. All right.

W-We have our next caller.

BERT: Her name's Rebecca.

♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪
♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

Should we get lunch or you want to eat at the zoo?

(imitating Bernadette): “Oh, Howie, I don't need food as long as I can look at my phone”.

I don't like when you imitate me.

You want to hear my Stuart?

(imitating Stuart): “It's been a while since I've gone on a date.

You mind if we watch the monkeys doing it?”

I said that to you in confidence.

This is supposed to be our family fun day.

What's so important on your phone?

I'm on the day care's Web site.

Stop looking at that.
The day care's great.

It's on campus.

My office is two minutes away.

There's nothing to worry about.

What if she likes the people who work there more than us?

She already likes soap bubbles more than us.

When I go back to work, we're gonna leave her with these people.

We don't know anything about them.

They're highly-trained educators with background checks.

They're even required to be current on all vaccinations.

You leave her with me, and I'm not any of those things.

Where's Howard?

He took the day off.

Oh, let's take advantage of his absence and tell the kinds of jokes only physicists get.

I'll go first.

Okay, here. Uh, Heisenberg is pulled over by a police officer.

And the policeman says, “Did you know you were going miles per hour?”

And Heisenberg says, “Darn it, now I don't know where I am.”

So Howard back Monday?
KOOTHRAPPALI: Yeah.

Hey, guys.

Oh, hello.
Hey. Want to join us?

(stammers) But he's a geologist, and I have more physics jokes.

Oh, quick! Sit!

So, Sheldon says you have a new girlfriend.

Yeah, which he rudely announced on my flag show.

People were so upset about it no one else called in the rest of the night.

Sorry. I couldn't help myself.

I guess I just love love.

Well, I'm very happy for you.

Hey, we're all having dinner tonight.

Why don't the two of you join us?

Yeah, wh-- Hold on.

We don't know anything about this woman.

What do you want to know?

Is she a geologist?

No.
Oh, great. See you at : .

(birds chirping)

How about after this we go see the exotic bird show?

Not a good idea.

My hair is a coveted nesting material.

Learning anything?

Well, sloth babies cling to their mothers' bodies for almost a year.

I'm going back to work after only four months, so I've learned I hate myself, I hate sloths, and I hate you for bringing me here.

Me I get, but that sloth is pretty cute.

It's not just the sloth.

Polar bears nurse their cubs for almost eight months.

The orangutan mother builds her baby a new home every night.

And what do I do? I choose my career over my child!

Told you we should have gone to Legoland.

Can't believe Bert has a girlfriend and I don't.

I thought you were taking a break from women to focus on your career.

Oh, grow up.

(knocking on door)

Don't you have any friends he can date?

Hey, I already set up Howard and Bernadette.

It's your turn to ruin some poor girl's life.

Oh, hey, guys. Come in.

Thanks.

Everyone, this is Rebecca.
Hi.

AMY/LEONARD/PENNY:
Hey.

She's younger and far more attractive than he is.

They're copying you two.

What are you making?

Chicken.

Birds mess with my hair, I come back hard.

Finally get Halley down?

Yeah, eventually.

She's still not happy about taking a bottle, though.

Look, if you're not ready to go back to work, we'll figure something out.

No, I'll be fine.

It might be good for her.

Howard's mother was around him all the time, and he's a world-class mama's boy.

(scoffs)

I mean, wh-why would you say that?

Go ahead, have a tantrum; that'll prove me wrong.

It would be nice to raise Halley to be a little more independent than you were.

I guess.

It wasn't until college that I learned you can put a thermometer in your mouth.

On that charming note, dinner is served.

So is this your first time dating a scientist?

'Cause I'm thinking of starting a support group.

Actually, I'm not new to this.

I was engaged to a Scientologist.

(clears throat)
Bert, Rebecca.

I'd like to apologize for my insensitive comment earlier.

Don't worry about it.
It's fine.

See? It was fine.

I didn't need a time-out.

It wasn't a time-out.
Let's get some food.

You made me sit on the stairs and think about what I did.

Get your food!

So how did you two meet?

Oh, it's such a cute story.

We met on a dating Web site.

Is that it?

Oh, sorry. The end.

That's nice.

I haven't had much success meeting people online.

I didn't either, until I revamped my profile.

What'd you do, delete your photo?

Go.
Fine.

And don't you slam that door.

Aw, man.

Did I say something wrong?

No, it's always him.

So, Bert, you were telling us how you updated your profile?

Right. I wasn't getting any responses, and then I added, “Recent $ , MacArthur grant winner”, and five minutes later,

I met my soul mate.

I was wrong.
You can come back in.

So, Rebecca, how did you become a personal trainer?

I came to Los Angeles to be an actress, and things didn't really work out.

I'd say she's copying you again, but...

...I'm getting tired of sitting in the hall.

I'd love a personal trainer.

I haven't seen my abs since they opened a Shake Shack on my drive home.

I could give you some free sessions.

Oh, is that offer for everybody?

(chuckles) Nice try.

I'm not going.

Where's your bathroom?

Mm, just down there.

She's so perfect, sometimes I think she isn't real.

And then she goes to the bathroom, and I know she is.

Aw, that's so weird.

AMY: I'm sorry, Bert, but aren't you worried she's only with you for your money?

She better be. On our first date, I bought her an -inch flat-screen.

Your first date?

Did you even measure her walls?

You know, on our first date, Leonard used a coupon to buy me a pretzel.

And we lived happily ever after.

The end.

Well, guess I'm ready to go.

Have a great first day back.

You have everything she needs for day care?

Yep, all in the bag.

Good.

Okay, sweetie, Mommy's gonna go to work now, so you have fun today.

I told her if day care is anything like prison, find the biggest baby and knock him out.

Bye, cutie.

I'm gonna miss you.

(voice breaking): I'm gonna be waiting right here tonight when you get home.

Stop, you're gonna make me cry.

(voice breaking): Great, now everybody's crying.

(clears throat)

At least Halley's not.

That's good. (chuckles)

She's not gonna see us all day, and she doesn't even care!

Who's ready to laugh?
(groans)

Okay. So...

Feynman, Einstein and Schrodinger walk into a bar.

Feynman says, “It appears we're inside a joke.”

Einstein replies, “But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously.”

To which Schrodinger says, “If someone's looking in the window, I'm leaving.”

(chuckles) That's actually funny.

You should send that to Jimmy Fallon.

Hey.

Oh, hello. Join us.
Hey. Yeah.

Hey, sorry if last night was awkward.

Actually, it got me thinking that I shouldn't flaunt my money to find love.

I might break up with Rebecca.

Wow, that's a big step.

I think it shows a lot of character.

I'm gonna hold out and see if I can find a hot young blonde who likes me for me.

(laughs):
That's a good one.

Okay, now, Leonard, you tell a joke.

BERNADETTE: How's she doing?

She's great. Look.

I see a wall...

floor...

some Asian baby...

There she is.

See? Nothing to worry about.

Thank you.

Okay, I'm gonna try and get some work done.

Yeah, me, too. Love you.

Love you, too. Bye.

(phone beeps)

(sighs)

STUART: How is she?
(screams)

What are you doing here?

Can't a guy hang out at a college he doesn't go to and stare at a baby that isn't his?

I get it.

I haven't even made it to my office yet.

(both chuckle)

(both sigh)

Is it weird if we just stand here and watch her all day?

Probably.

We should go.

Yeah.

(exhales)

Or we could take her to the aquarium.

I'll get her, you grab her bag.

Hang on, Halley, we're busting you out of there!

What are you looking at?

Comments from our Behind the Flags retrospective.

Get this, people are calling it “the longest one yet”"

(knocking on door)

BERT: Hello? Anybody home?

Is that Bert?

BERT: It's Bert.

I think it's Bert.

Hey, what's up?

I broke up with Rebecca.

Oh.
AMY: Oh.

You know, good for you.

No, I miss her.

I don't know why I listened to you.

He's not wrong.

It was your crackpot idea that he deserves love.

You know, you need to start raising your hand before you speak.

Yes, starting now.

Bert, you're a good guy; you deserve a woman who's interested in more than just your money.

She was also interested in walking around my house in her underwear.

Now the only one doing that is me.

If you're that upset, go get her back.

I tried.

She's not answering my calls.

Which really hurts because I bought her that phone.

I made a huge mistake.

No, you didn't.

Okay? Look, Bert, when I had money,

I dated lots of girls who weren't right for me.

And then I gave up my money, and now I'm alone and living with my friends, and somebody else should probably talk now.

Look, sweetie, relationships aren't about money, okay?

It's about respect and having things in common and...

Yes, Sheldon?

You and Leonard don't have anything in common.

Maybe you should break up.

You called on him.

(singsongy):
Guess who's home from day care?

It's Halley.

Unless somebody else put an “X” on the bottom of their kid's foot.

You realize they called when you took her.

(singsongy): Guess who's home from the aquarium?

BERT: Sorry again for barging in.

You don't have to go.
You're welcome to hang with us.

Actually, our friendship group is at capacity.

But if anybody drops out, you're at the top of the list.

Unless it's Raj, in which case, we'll probably get a person of color.

You guys are nice, but I'm just gonna buy Rebecca a Jet Ski and see if that gets her back.

I feel bad for Bert.

So he's using his money to attract a mate.

Is that any different than me using my intelligence to attract Amy?

Or Leonard using his power of groveling to get Penny?

It's totally different.

Bert's money might run out, but I can beg until the end of time.

All that and he's shorter than me.

Sheldon, what did Amy have that attracted you?

Oh, so many things.

Her mind, her kindness, and especially her body.

Really?

Relax.
We're the same blood type.

He knew he could harvest an organ.

She does look happy.

See? This is the right thing for her.

Let's all just go to work.

(sighs)

Anytime.

Let me just say good-bye.

Halley. Look at Mommy.

Over here, honey.

Say good-bye to Mommy!

Look at me!

Look at your mother!

(babies crying)

All right, we can go.

Hello.

I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper.

And I'm Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.

Based on the glowing reception of our recent Behind the Flags retrospective, we thought you might like to see how it all came together.

So welcome to tonight's episode...

BOTH: Fun with Flags:

Behind the
Behind the Flags:A Retrospective Retrospective.

Ooh, we already have our first call.

Oh.

Hello, you're on Fun with Flags.

BERT: The Jet Ski worked. I got her back.