10x24 - The Long Distance Dissonance

[bunniefuu]

Previously on The Big Bang Theory...

I was offered a summer research fellowship at Princeton.

Princeton.

A fine institution.

The place where Albert Einstein taught, and where Leonard got his PhD, so it may have gone downhill.

And just remember, I'm proud of you.

And I support you in all that you do.

Thank you.

That means a lot.

Oh, and one last thing.

If you find yourself working with a male scientist, who's as smart as me, as tall as me, and has hair like Thor, well, then, I want you to step away from the situation and call me immediately.

How are you settling in?

AMY: Pretty well.

Princeton has a beautiful campus.

Now, I've learned some fun facts about New Jersey to help you make small talk.

Would you like to know the state bird or the m*rder rate?

They're both shocking.

Actually, I want to hear about you.

How are things at home?

Well, I'm a lot less likely to see an Eastern Goldfinch or be m*rder*d, I'll tell you that.

I miss you.

I miss you, too.

It's so strange, earlier today I ended a sentence with a preposition and you weren't there to correct my grammar.

I'm sorry you had to go through that.

In fact, that's when I started to really miss you.

You know you just split an infinitive.

Did I?

Are you gonna teach me a lesson?

I am.

It is naughty to put an adverb between the word "to" and the verb stem.

What are you gonna do about it?

I'm going to admonish you.

Vigorously?

That's the only kind of admonishing I do.

♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪ ♪ Then nearly billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪ ♪ The Earth began to cool ♪ ♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪ ♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪ ♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪ ♪ That all started with a big bang ♪ ♪ Bang! ♪ How's Sheldon doing with Amy gone?

Well, the last three nights I've had to take him to get a haircut, to the train store, and to a Walgreens in Arcadia where they still have the "good ibuprofen." Now ask me how I'm doing with Amy gone.

How are you doing with... Shut up.

If you'd like, we can help you out.

Oh, that would be great.

I mean, not me, I've got a wife and child, but this one posts video of himself flossing on Instagram.

It was a tutorial.

And yes, I'm happy to keep Sheldon company.

Great. Tonight he wants to look at ladders at Home Depot.

Oh, why does he need a ladder?

He doesn't; he just likes looking at them.

Bring a book.

Gentlemen.

You may remember Dr. Nowitzki, She's back at Caltech for her postdoc.

- Hello.

- Hello.

- Hi.

Oh, let me bring a chair for you.

Oh, thanks.

Dr. Nowitzki's going to tell me about the work she did at CERN.

And she brought me this duty-free Toblerone.

Oh. I love those.

Let's sit somewhere else.

What just happened?

A stranger just lured Sheldon away with a candy bar.

Wait, isn't she the grad student that used to follow him around?

Oh, yeah.

Back before he hit puberty and grew man parts.

So what do you guys think that's about?

Knowing Sheldon, nothing.

So, tell me about your scalar dark energy experiment.

Not 'til you tell me about your latest paper on quantum loop theory.

Oh. You must be one of those dessert before dinner people.

(laughs)

He just made her laugh, something's wrong.

Do you see the way she's looking at him?

Yeah. Like Bernadette used to look at me.

I keep telling you, close the bathroom door.

Ah, did you see that?

She just touched his hand and he didn't swat it away.

What is happening?

Okay, the simplest explanation is usually the right one.

Which is?

That ain't Sheldon.

Not only did they eat together, Leonard said he made her laugh.

That's nothing, Howie said she touched his hand.

Did he Purell?

No.

I cannot believe Leonard mentioned the Toblerone but left that part out.

Should we call Amy?

I don't know; we shouldn't worry her if it's nothing.

I guess we could wait till we have more information about this girl. Yeah.

(sighs) Do you think living with Amy has somehow stirred up Sheldon's... sexual appetite?

Ugh.

How can you think that?

Why would you even put those words together?

All right, then we agree.

He's not making any moves, it's this Dr. Ramona chick.

Nowitzki.

I Googled her, she's pretty cute.

Really?

All I got from Leonard was the Toblerone bar had nuts.

(gasps)

And get this, I saw an articulating ladder with dual-leg leveling, which delivers stability and adaptability to uneven terrain.

Sounds like a big night.

Yeah.

Raj made the funniest joke, he said, "Which is the best ladder to use to hang myself?" (laughs)

So you're keeping busy?

You're not lonely?

Oh, not at all.

I've had outings with Leonard and Raj in the evening, and-- oh, I had lunch with Dr. Nowitzki.

Who's he?

Oh, Dr. Nowitzki is a woman.

Oh.

Really?

Uh, when did you meet her?

Many years ago.

Back when she was a grad student.

She's always been a huge fan of my work, and now she's doing research at Caltech.

Huge fan, you say?

Yes.

I think you'd like her.

She's extremely intelligent, just like you.

Unlike you, she's tall, blonde and used to be an Olympic swimmer.

That's terrific.

I'll call you right back.

(Skype rings)

Oh, hey, Amy.

I gave you one job!

Keep an eye on him.

How hard is that?

We thought you meant not letting him run out into traffic.

Which he only did once.

Yeah.

Why didn't you tell me?

We didn't want you to worry.

Should I worry?

No.

Come on, it's Sheldon.

Nothing is gonna happen.

That's what you said to me when I started dating him.

And then five years later, bingo-bango, something happened.

Yeah, but you're gonna be back in three months.

(sighs)

You don't get it.

I've been smacking that ketchup bottle for a long time.

All she's got to do is tip it over and point it at her fries.

Well, what do you want us to do?

I don't know.

Might be the New Jersey talking, but this Nowitzki broad needs to disappear.

That's ridiculous.

As far as we know, all that happened is two scientists had lunch.

Yeah, but one of those scientists is a tall, blonde Olympic swimmer.

Come on.

Looks don't matter to Sheldon.

Because he only has eyes for you.

Nice try.

Thanks.

I was scrambling.

It's unbelievable.

Sheldon has lunch with another woman and somehow my wife yells at me.

Penny laid into me, too.

Apparently, I'm overly fixated on premium Swiss chocolate bars.

Can you even eat those things?

If I take a Lactaid a half-hour before and some Pepto right after.

Sounds like a lot of work.

Yeah.

Eh, I'm worth it.

Guys.

Focus.

Should we do something about Nowitzki?

Like what?

Uh, well, she's single, so if somebody else asks her out and she says yes, then we know she's not into Sheldon.

I'll do it.

No offense, Stuart, but Th-Th-the woman's a doctor.

So?

Doctors like me.

Whenever I see mine he calls in a bunch of other doctors to have a look.

She's not that kind of doctor.

STUART: Oh.

Well, her loss.

I've been called a genuine medical oddity.

Actually, I was going to suggest me.

Great.

Anybody's better than, mmm.

Excuse me.

They took out my spleen and gallbladder, not my feelings.

(sighs)

(clears throat)

Dr. Nowitzki.

Good to see you.

Good to see you, too.

May I join you?

No.

Good to see you.

We should call Guinness, that might be a record.

She's clearly having a working lunch and preferred to eat alone.

Dr. Cooper, over here.

I could have made her very happy.

You kept walking.

I think you did.

Do you really think there's reason to worry?

Yeah, she's definitely going after Sheldon.

I made a play for her and she sh*t me down.

All right, well, that doesn't prove anything.

Yeah, there's a million reasons a woman would sh**t Raj down.

Like, really, a million?

Fine, hundreds.

Thank you.

The point is this could be nothing and we are all overreacting.

Hey, everybody.

This is my friend, Dr. Nowitzki.

Hi.

ALL: Hi.

We just went swimming.

And you actually got in a pool?

I was scared, but I told myself it's just a big bathtub.

Then I got scared again 'cause there are all these strangers in my bathtub.

I was proud of him-- a lot of people don't put their face in the water on the first day.

Well, I was hiding from a bee, but it still counts.

Can I just squeeze in here?

So, Sheldon, have you talked to Amy?

Yes, we Skyped this morning and I'm sure I'll check in with her before I go to sleep.

RAMONA: Sheldon talks about her all the time.

I can't wait to meet her.

That is true.

She keeps asking how long Amy's going to be gone.

Uh, so, Ramona, tell us about yourself.

Do you, do you have a boyfriend?

Leonard, your wife is sitting right here.

What are you doing?

No, my work doesn't leave me a lot of time for relationships.

I think you made that very clear.

She was part of the American team at CERN.

I had a front row seat when they detected the Higgs boson.

SHELDON: Do you know, I've corresponded with Peter Higgs.

Would you like to see some of his letters?

Absolutely.

I'll get them.

Well, hang on, I'll come with you.

Oh, fun.

Like a play date.

(door closes)

Okay, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that exactly what we were supposed to stop from happening?

I threw my body at them, what else did you want me to do?

You think you should call Amy?

You got fingers and a mouth, you call her.

Here you go.

Are these all from Peter Higgs?

Hmm?

Oh, no, no, no.

They're from many famous people.

See?

Oh, like this one.

This is from Patrick Stewart.

It says if I come to his house again, I get to meet his dogs.

(Skype rings)

Oh, excuse me.

Hello, Sheldon.

Oh, hello, Amy.

I was missing you again.

I miss you, too.

Hey, this is good timing.

Remember that Dr. Nowitzki I told you about?

She's right here.

Sh-she's what?

Hello.

Hi.

So nice to meet you.

Uh-huh.

(phone rings)

Hang on.

Hello.

A little late, Leonard.

I'm sorry.

What is Leonard doing calling you at this hour?

It's not important.

I must tell you, that seems a little inappropriate.

Don't you agree?

I do.

See?

We both think so.

All right, this is making me crazy.

Somebody's got to go over there.

You got feet and legs, you do it.

Will you with me?

To do what?

Shake a can of nickels at them?

We're being ridiculous.

There's no way a woman that attractive is trying to seduce Sheldon Cooper.

You done trying to make yourself feel better?

No.

I haven't played the race card yet.

Hey, I hate to break up the party, but Amy says I'm tired and have to go to bed.

It was nice seeing everybody.

Thank you for dinner.

Sure. Our pleasure.

Whatever.

Walk me to my car?

Of course.

We'll all go.

Excuse me.

Pardon.

I just need to... yeah.

(laughing): That was fun.

It was like Mario Kart.

Bye.

We need to talk.

Wh-- Is this about Leonard and Amy?

I don't like it either.

Okay, I know you don't have a lot of experience with women, but Ramona seems to have a romantic interest in you.

That doesn't make any sense.

She knows I have a girlfriend.

Well, sometimes women don't care.

Sometimes it makes them want a guy even more.

That may be true, but Dr. Nowitzki's just a friend.

In fact, I wouldn't have even noticed she's a woman if she hadn't worn that bathing suit that highlighted her bosom.

Okay.

Um...

(clears throat) ...let's try this.

Think of yourself as one of those limited edition toys people like to collect.

I already do.

Well, then you get it.

(gasps)

Because there's only one of me, I'm more valuable.

Right.

Although, Amy's already taken me out of my package and played with me.

Let's forget the toy thing, okay?

Um, maybe...

Penny, look.

I appreciate your concern, but I don't think that's what's happening.

All right.

What do you think is happening?

I think Dr. Nowitzki is a friendly colleague.

I think you and Leonard need to see a marriage counselor.

And I need to update my résumé to include swimming as a special skill.

Don't look at me like that, I tried.

(knocking at door)

Hey, did you eat yet?

Uh, breakfast yes, lunch no.

I did have a cough drop, but that really rides the line between sucking and eating.

Well, perfect.

I made us sandwiches.

How thoughtful.

Thank you.

Mmm.

No big deal, I enjoy spending time with you.

And I with you.

Question: are you seeking a romantic relationship with me?

What if I were?

Well, that would raise a number of problems.

We're colleagues.

I'm currently in a relation...

Excuse me a moment.

(seat belt bell chimes)

(laughs)

Amy.

Amy.

(knocks again)

(knocks again)

Amy.

Will you marry me?