11x19 - The Tenant Disassociation

[bunniefuu]

Why are you wearing a Band-Aid?

Halley bit me.

(laughs)

You got beaten up by a girl.

Hey, that's sexist.

You're right.

(laughs)

You got beaten up by a baby.

- Hi.

- Hey.

- Hey.

- What you got there?

- Oh, I grabbed a sandwich at the food truck out front.

Wait, n-now, hold on.

Tonight is Friday, and I believe you know what that means.

That my fun, young life took a drastic turn somewhere?

No.

But yeah.

No, that means it's Chinese food night.

Yeah, and you have Chinese food.

So eat it.

But I can smell your pastrami.

And we can all hear your complaining, so no one's happy.

It does smell good.

Oh, it is.

I had one the other day.

(stammers)

What is happening?

Everybody's supposed to be eating Chinese food.

Well, actually, I believe the Chinese may have invented the sandwich.

Their dish “rou jia mo” literally means “meat between bread.” So, it looks like all of us, including Penny, are eating Chinese food.

Except for you, Sheldon.

You're eating crow.

I'm sorry, I think you're forgetting that the sandwich was invented by John Montagu, the Earl of Sandwich.

Oh.

The truck's called “Pearl of Sandwich.” Now I get it.

All right, that smells too good.

I got to get one of those.

And I think you're forgetting that there are written documents of meat between bread being eaten in China during the Tang dynasty.

You know what, I'll go with you.

And then maybe we just go home.

I think you're defining bread very loosely.

If we go down that road, where does it end?

Well, I would say when we go to bed, but you talk in your sleep.

I don't want to get into this with you right now.

We'll talk about this when I'm asleep.

I don't want to talk about it when you're asleep.

How come we can't talk about it now?

Well, because I'm eating now.

Fine.

How's your moo shu?

You know what?

It's great.

Wait, look at that.

Hmm.

Well, maybe the Chinese did invent the sandwich.

I guess you were right.

Too bad no one's around to hear it.

♪ Our whole universe was in a hot, dense state ♪

♪ Then nearly billion years ago expansion started... Wait! ♪

♪ The Earth began to cool ♪

♪ The autotrophs began to drool, Neanderthals developed tools ♪

♪ We built the Wall ♪ ♪ We built the pyramids ♪

♪ Math, Science, History, unraveling the mystery ♪

♪ That all started with a big bang ♪

♪ Bang! ♪

I can smell that food truck from up here.

Just close the window if you don't like the smell.

Of course I like the smell.

It's salt and fat.

My brain may be evolved, but my tongue still wants to pick up a club and drag that truck back to my cave.

So, there's something you like, but it's also driving you crazy.

Been there, doing it now.

No, it-it's a distraction.

How can I focus on my work when all I can think about is how much I want that sandwich?

So, go get one.

I can't just give in to every urge I have when I have it.

That's why I have a rigid schedule.

It's bad enough I had to give in to my urge to create a rigid schedule.

You know, why don't I just go down to the food truck and ask them to move?



- Why are you taking cash?

- No reason.

Oh, this is the life.

What could be better than this?

If you weren't wearing one of my swimsuits.

I'll give it back.

(chuckles)

You know the rule-- once it touches hiney, it's no longer miney.

You're such a prude.

Do you know all the things this water's touching right now?

Well, I'm relaxed enough.

Hey, Howard, look.

What's that?

Huh.

Looks like someone's drone.

Oh, no.

Do you think it was spying on us in the hot tub?

'Cause I'm only % of the way to my beach bod.

One of the propellers is broken.

It must have crashed.

Oh.

Do you think you could fix it?

Maybe.

Should we try and track down the owner first?

Yeah, that's probably a good idea.

Anyone lose a drone?

Looks like it's ours.

- Yay, we got a drone!

- Shh.

(whispers): Oh.

Yay, we got a drone.

(sighs)

The pastrami truck moved.

That is the danger of a restaurant on wheels.

No, apparently someone complained to the tenants association, and they're not allowed to park on our street anymore.

Who would complain about something that everyone loves?

Oh...

Did you complain to the tenants association about the food truck?

Yes.

And they actually took you seriously?

Oh, the tenants association takes every complaint seriously.

Oh, great, because I'm about to send them an e-mail complaining about you.

(phone chimes)

Excuse me.

Wow.

Someone should have spell-checked.

What is going on here?

You're the tenants association?

(laughs): You should see the look on your face.

You might want to tell your wife that there's no “Y” in “pastrami.” Okay, that ought to do it.

I've replaced the propeller and reattached the gimbal controller unit.

Dude, you're like Grey's Anatomy for robots.

Also, why isn't that a show?

I just need to see if I can re-sync the controls to this old remote.

We should name it.

The drone, or your stupid robot show?

The drone.

The show's already got a name-- General Bot-spital. I got it working!

(chuckles)

KOOTHRAPPALI: Oh, oh!

Let's play William Tell.

I'll put this bowl on my head.

See if you can knock it off without hitting me.

You read my mind.

What are you doing?

Either breaking a bowl or breaking Raj's head.

Be careful, they don't make that bowl anymore.

(chuckles)

It's a nice one.

Yeah.

We found it in the yard and fixed it up.

Aren't you worried there's some kid out there missing his drone?

Oh, please, Bernadette, this is not a children's toy, okay?

This thing's got an HD camera on it.

Okay, then aren't you worried there's some rich Peeping Tom out there missing his drone?

We asked around, and no one claimed it.

Ha.

I think we've done all we can do.

Did you check the video card?

Maybe you can see where it started off from.

What a great idea, honey.

So, let me get this straight.

You are the president of the tenants association?

President, only member, and harshest critic.

I once gave myself an official reprimand for conducting a meeting in the shower.

The steam warped my gavel.

Okay, so when I got a fine for leaving my clothes in the dryer for too long, that was from you?

$ . .

The exact price of a new gavel.

And the noise complaint we got for singing you “Happy Birthday”?

As a friend, I was touched.

As a representative of the building, I thought that you should pick a key and stick with it.

Hi.

Do you know he is the entire tenants association?

No, but I'm not surprised.

He's also the pope of a planet he invented in hyperspace.

Why didn't you tell me?

'Cause I wanted to make sure that you loved the man, not the office.

You can't just declare yourself president.

I didn't.

I called a meeting, I was the only one to attend.

I nominated myself, and after a pretty moving speech, I voted myself in.

Well, if you can vote yourself in, - then we can vote you out.

- Yeah.

Fine.

Make a motion at the next meeting.

When is that?

It's the first Saturday of every month.

Unless there's an emergency meeting.

Then we call an emergency meeting.

You really don't have to.

This is the first Saturday of the month.

Okay, fine.

Then we vote you out.

Uh, uh, hold on.

Hold on.

First, we have to read the minutes from last month's meeting.

Amy, would you do the honors?

Why not?

“Saturday, March rd.

“ : , meeting called to order.

“ : , president gets shampoo in eye.

: , meeting adjourned.” Okay, can we vote you out now?

Ah, very well.

New business.

I move for a vote of no confidence - in the president.

- Yeah.

Two to one, you lose.

Not so fast.

I believe we have one tenant here who has not made her voice heard.

Oh...

We're waiting, fiancée.

Yeah, we're waiting, best friend.

Yeah, we're waiting, neighbor who needed a battery and totally got one from me, no strings attached.

I don't want to be in the middle of this.

No matter which way I vote, I'm either a bad friend, a bad fiancée, or an ungrateful recipient of a battery.

Next time I have a meeting in the shower, you're welcome to attend.

Sheldon.

Sheldon for president.

I pick Sheldon!

Ugh, I can't believe my best friend sided with Sheldon.

Can't believe my best friend is Sheldon.

Ah, I should've taken that gavel and shoved it right down his throat.

- Ugh.

I would've gone the other way, but it would've gotten to his throat.

What?

Don't be mad at me.

I mean, I can't vote against him.

Even when he's being crazy?

Well, what other times are there?!

So you just let him get away with anything?

Well, not anything.

But honestly, pastrami sandwich is not the hill I want to die on.

It's not about the sandwich.

It's about the principle.

Yeah, principle.

- And a little bit sandwich.

- Yeah.

Look, there are a bunch of other tenants in this building.

All you need is for one of them to vote your way, and then Sheldon's out and I didn't betray him.

Hey, you know, that's actually a good plan.

That you came up with all by yourself.

Now, if you'll excuse me, told Sheldon I was going to the market, so...

I'm taking some of your stuff.

I was never here.

Sometimes you don't see it 'cause she's next to Sheldon, but she's pretty weird.

Okay.

All hooked up.

Here we go.

I hope there's nothing disturbing on there.

Like you two in a hot tub?

Hold on.

Now I'm getting a picture.

That's not very much to go on.

Oh, that's plenty to go on.

We can't give up.

We got to find her.

You just want to find her 'cause she's cute.

Not just because she's cute.

She also owns a pretty expensive drone, which means she has money and doesn't mind wasting it.

And I...

I like that in a woman.

Do you see anything that could help us locate her?

Hmm, let me have a look.

She's got eagle eyes, always spotting continuity errors in movies.

(chuckles)

It's not annoying at all.

Oh.

There.

Right there.

Check out the pin on her jacket.

Isn't that from the comic book store?

Hmm, is it?

- Hey, Howard, zoom in.

- Oh.

Fine.

Zooming in.

(whooshes)

Yeah, I know you're being a jerk, but it's actually helpful.

Hi.

Hi.

We're your neighbors from downstairs.

We've met.

Remember?

I invited you to my housewarming when I moved in.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry.

You know, it's been a crazy couple months.

That was two years ago.

- Welcome to the building.

- Mm-hmm.

So, I-I'm running for president of the tenants association.

I could really use your vote.

You said you were gonna stop by.

I bought a lot of food.

Anyway, meeting's tomorrow.

We really hope you can make it.

- I'll be there.

- Oh, really?

Yeah.

You should buy a lot of food.

So, I'm running for president of the tenants association and I could really use your vote.

Uh, who's president now?

Uh, Sheldon Cooper.

You know, about yay tall and about yay annoying.

So you want me to vote against Sheldon Cooper?

Yeah.

You just need to show up at a meeting...

Oh, no, no.

No can do.

He's got a restraining order against me.

Really?

Why?

Uh, I locked him on the roof once.

(whispers): Three times.

So, Mrs.

Petrescu, we were hoping you would vote for Leonard instead of voting for Sheldon.

Vote Sheldon.

No, no.

Vote Leonard.

No vote Leonard.

No.

Vote Leonard.

Thank you.

She's wearing a pin from your store.

Do you know who she is?

Oh, sure, yeah.

That's Cynthia.

Wha...

s-so, she's a customer?

Yeah, yeah, but I-I haven't seen her in a while.

And before you say anything, there is a lot of reasons women stop coming here.

It's not just me.

But this time...

It was me.

Yeah.

I was trying out a flirty new smile.

Now, I don't use the word “ghoulish” a lot, but...

I-I just can't think of another word.

Wait, do you know how to find her?

Yeah.

I think I have her address on my mailing list.

Oh.

Hey.

Please, let me bring the drone back to her.

You think you've got a sh*t?

- What if she's married?

- She's not.

It's meant to be.

A little tip.

Uh, stick with the smiles you know.

Hi.

What are you doing?

Leonard and Penny are trying to turn the tenants against me, so they are about to see just what kind of power the president of the tenants association wields.

“You must be at least this tall to use washing machine”?

I'm gonna hang it up higher than Leonard.

And then his clothes will smell.

And nobody's voting for a man with smelly clothes.

No, not when there's a perfectly unscented incumbent on the ballot.

Sheldon, I have an advanced degree in the study of the human brain, so if my fiancé is a raving lunatic, it's kind of a ding on my reputation.

If leaders just stepped aside every time they didn't have the consent of the governed, what would we have?

Democracy.

Not on my watch.

Okay.

Don't be weird.

Don't be weird.

Don't be weird.

(deep voice): Hello.

Hey.

You found my drone.

(normal voice): Yeah, yeah.

Yes.

It took a while to track you down, but to see the look on your face, it was worth it.

Aw, that's sweet.

Rajesh.

- Cynthia.

- Ah, pleasure to meet you.

Likewise.

I-I feel like I should give you a reward or something.

Oh, oh, no, you don't have to do that.

No, I insist.

How about your phone number?

Give me your phone.

Thanks.

So, I'll-I'll call you, Cynthia.

Great, Rajesh.

(both chuckle)

And thanks again.

Uh, sure.

(phone rings)

Just checking.

(knocking, door opens)

Hey, Sheldon.

We found something pretty interesting.

Huh.

Well, that is surprising.

I, for one, have no idea what they're talking about.

Turns out, when Amy took over Penny's apartment, she was put on the lease, not you.

PENNY: Yeah, and when I moved across the hall, you got taken off the lease and I got added.

Well, what are you saying?

That Sheldon's not technically a tenant at all and therefore, has no standing to be president of the tenants association no matter who votes for him?

I don't know how you found that out, but I am guessing all on your own.

So, looks like we need to figure out who the new president should be.

I nominate myself.

I second it.

Huh.

Well, as a woman in love, I want to stand by my man.

Too bad that's been rendered bureaucratically impossible.

Well, this is hard for me because I do love a legal technicality and this is a good one.

Although, not quite as good as the provision in California law, which states a person who occupies a dwelling for consecutive days becomes a tenant at will and as such...

- I vote for Leonard!

- You...

What?

I'm sorry, Sheldon.

With minimal power comes minimal responsibility, and you couldn't handle it.

Don't you misquote Spider-Man to me.

It's not your fault.

I mean, what man wouldn't be seduced by the power to decide how late the laundry room stays open?

Wait, you're the reason I had to come back and get my jeans the next morning?

I can't believe you expect me to give that up.

Sheldon, it's the American way, the peaceful transfer of power.

I don't know.

Think about Ant-Man. I'm always thinking about Ant-Man. Michael Douglas had the suit and then he passed it on to Paul Rudd.

Maybe you're right.

Really?

The Ant-Man thing?

That's what won you over?

Yes.

He got the details right.

That's how you use a superhero.

Mm.

I suppose it is time I passed this on to Leonard.

- Thank you.

- Yeah, thanks.

I-I know that's hard for you.

Well, it was.

But you know what?

Instead of being in charge, I can now be the vocal opposition, criticizing and badgering the president at every turn.

I think you'll be really good at that.

Me, too.

I think I've made a huge mistake.

Me, too.

Can't believe you got her number.

I know, right?

How amazing would it be if this worked out and the story of how I met my wife started with you and me in the hot tub together.

Well, do us both a favor and start the story later.

Whatever.

I have a good feeling about this girl.

Like, we really hit it off.

Stop flying it around.

You're gonna break it.

Why do you care?

Because we have to give it back to the beautiful mystery girl.

Aw.

I mean, did you see how hot she was?

I want to get all up on that and start making babies!

I know exactly what underwear I'm gonna wear on our first date.

None!