02x06 - Hella Blows

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Insecure". Aired October 2016 - current.*
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"Insecure" follows the awkward experiences and racy tribulations of a modern-day African-American woman. Partially based on Issa Rae's web series "Awkward Black Girl".
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02x06 - Hella Blows

Post by bunniefuu »

- It's Issa!

- Oh, ya'll cool now?

- Dan knows what it is.

- Okay.

I am all about what?

My ho-tation.

- Oh, we got a ho-tation?

- ISSA: And I'm about to add - a new one.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

- How could you cheat on mom?

- He made a mistake.

- And I just feel so f*cking stupid!

Here I am thinking my parents' marriage is the thing.

That doesn't make you stupid.

You're just trying to find someone who loves you and makes you happy.

I was driving and then It's all good.

We're cool, right?

We were both seeing other people, right?

Yeah.

I just want to be on the same page.

I'm cool.

Cool.

[PHONE BUZZING.]

All I hear is sirens In a world so violent Would you be a tyrant if I gave you power?

Would you take it out?

Look me in my iris I can read your silence When everything is a riot You're my peace and quiet All around we go Your lovin' is like a kaleidoscope I don't wanna come down Keep spinnin' me round and round And round and round and round - Hey, your bumper 'bout to fall.

- Thanks.

Never been sh*t, never had sh*t, never knew sh*t Never out, never do sh*t, damn But a n*gga never gave two shits Never been a bitch, never had a Roley on the wrist Never had sh*t, I'ma take, never asking [PHONE BUZZING.]

[SIGHS.]

- Hello?

- Hey, Mo, what you doing?

- Just working.

- Not if you're talking to me.

No, I'm I'm really working late again.

[CHUCKLES.]

Yeah, yeah, I know.

I know you work hard.

I was just playing.

Oh, okay.

- You watch the game last night?

- I caught some of it.

Mm, I can't believe D'Angelo missed that last three.

I knew we should've drafted Porzingis.

Oh.

So, am I the only one tripping that we [WHISPERS.]

had sex?

[CHUCKLES.]

You know, whispering doesn't change the fact that we [WHISPERS.]

had sex.

- [PHONE BEEPS.]

- [SIGHS.]

Hold on, I got another call coming in.

Yo, I gotta take it.

It's my mom.

Am I still seeing you tomorrow?

Mm-hmm.

Bye.

Bull, bull, bull like a matador Quick to dead the bull like a matador Captain is still, catch a wave, roll us, splish Take a sh*t, make a friend, just enjoy the moment I'm Luke Skywalkin' on these haters, splish Celebrate every day like a birthday Good things come to those that wait up, splish But don't wait to jump in too long Don't sleep, you gotta stay up, splish Don't, don't sleep, you gotta stay up I'm outstandin', so I stand out, stand out I'm more bathed than a bathhouse "Top g*n" on my Tom Cruise I play for keeps and I don't lose - You're gonna love it - [MUSIC TURNS OFF.]

[SIGHS.]

I could use a sexplosion.

[SIGHS.]

Hmm.

[GARGLES.]

You look great.

You look great.

What you gonna ask him?

Who's gonna get that d*ck?

You.

You gonna walk in there, you gonna say, "Pull down your m*therf*cking pants and show me what the f*ck you got.

" n*gg*s ain't ready.

You ready to get f*cked?

[CHUCKLES.]

Fire just like this p*ssy.

[LAUGHS.]

Oh, I look good in a pattern.

Mm-hmm, I think this is African.

You like it?

Now come and get this African p*ssy.

That ass that don't stop And think about how I'm gonna feel When I take it all off Hey, just right.

[CHUCKLES.]

Hey, Issa.

Hey!

Wait, wait, did Did you text me?

Did I did I tell you to stop by?

My bad.

No, no, no, I just I saw your light was on and I figured I'd come through.

- [CHUCKLES.]

- Oh, um ahem.

So WOMAN: Eddie, where's your charger?

Oh, that's my friend.

She's from econ class.

She was tutoring me on a lot of things I need.

If I knew we were doing this, I would've I would've been up them stairs a long time ago.

You sloppy-ass young n*gga You gonna do me like that?

I'm over here serving you my finest And you gonna send my sh*t back?

I could cry right now, I'm so embarrassed and mad I hope you can't get it up [ECHOES.]

And her p*ssy is trash!

No, that's That's cool, you know?

I mean, that's what's up, right?

[CHUCKLES.]

That's what's up.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Bye.

[PHONE BUZZES.]

[GRUNTS.]

Hey, you going to Target?

What?

No, I'm not.

- Why not?

- Does it why would I be?

Just need some "Bleenex" and some "Blorox" bleach.

Well, I can't go.

I can't.

And what makes the end user functionality so great is that it aggregates all of your data Where you shop, where you eat, where you drink And it makes recommendations based on that.

Everything you need at your fingertips.

- [CHATTER.]

- MAN: Whoo!

- WOMAN: This is good!

- MAN 2: Yeah, it is.

That was great, Lawrence.

Thank you.

Loved the presentation.

Yeah, and just piggybacking off what Cameron just said, you really did explain your market thesis well.

You laid everything out very clearly.

Your predictive analytics Very impressive.

And I also like how you worked in the competitive landscape.

Cool!

So do you guys have any questions?

Honestly, I think it all makes sense.

[CHUCKLES.]

- Thanks.

- Hey, what are those shoes?

Oh, uh, they're Retro Js.

Man, they are fly.

[BOTH CHUCKLING.]

[TOOLS WHIRRING, HISSING.]

I'm just feeling like we f*cked up our friendship.

Well, you literally f*cked your friend, so that sounds about right.

- Tsk.

- How they still doing the estimate?

Like, it's the bumper.

Duh.

Do we even need it?

How are we supposed to go back to normal after this?

Dro is the one n*gga in my life that's seen me at my worst.

Girl, he took me to prom back when I was wearing all pink like Beyoncé in "Check On It.

" - Ooh, I bet that looked cute.

- It did.

But, like, no matter what, he was always there for me.

I just don't have another friend like that.

Um, hello, I'm right here.

- We can f*ck if you want to.

- Tsk, shut your ass up.

Mm-hmm.

You know what?

I'm just gonna tell him that I value our friendship and it was a onetime thing, and I was all emotional after all the sh*t that happened with my parents, and we should just move forward as homies.

When y'all gonna have this deep-ass conversation?

Tonight.

We getting together to watch the game.

- What game?

- Like you know sports.

The Los Angeles Wheelers.

Oh, yeah.

I have a hat.

Mm-hmm, do you?

Yeah, it got wheels on it.

Ms.

Dee, we're gonna have to order some parts, and we're looking at a couple weeks.

And the estimate is $5,500.

55-what?!

You don't got that kind of money.

I know!

I'm poor!

- [SIGHS.]

- I can give you a ride.

You have to.

MOLLY: And, girl, maybe if it's not Morocco, we could still go to Miami or Montego Bay or Monterey.

There are other places that start with other letters.

I'm just, ugh I was just getting everything under control, and I'm just ugh!

Girl, I know, this car sh*t sucks.

Remember when I got that flat tire?

I mean, I just paid for it and kept it moving, but And the n*gg*s ain't even acting right.

It's like, it's my hotation.

I make the rules.

So when I call you, bring over the d*ck!

So, what's the problem?

Why do these n*gg*s even need to f*ck anybody else?

Like, I mean, granted, I know I'm not Rihanna.

You know, sex with me isn't amazing, but it is like, "Huh.

Okay, yeah, I'm satisfied.

I'd do that again with her.

" But aren't you f*cking other people, too?

Barely.

You know where I f*cked up?

Nico.

'Cause he distracted me with his fine-ass face.

But I'ma tell him, "Shut the f*ck up.

" I don't want your conversation.

"Get in my lineup.

" - Girl, that's the ho spirit.

- Mm-hmm.

MOLLY: Oh, maybe you can pick up some toys at Tiffany's thing.

Spice your sh*t up.

Ugh, that Sexplosion sh*t?

- Stupid-ass name.

- Right?!

- Don't it sound like an STD?

- It do!

Welcome.

Can I take your order?

Hi!

Can I have a double cheeseburger meal, please?

And get whatever you want, girl.

It's on you.

So, am I crazy, or did that go kind of great?

What do you think I should tweak before my next step?

Uh, your expectations.

[SCOFFS.]

Wait, what?

I'm sorry, but if I'm just being honest, I don't think Woot Woot is viable.

Based on what?

It just felt outdated.

I mean, it's cool if you don't see the vision.

Good thing you're not the one greenlighting it.

Okay.

I'm just saying I know when they're into something.

Like with the Saddle pitch, they asked questions, they poked holes, they even scheduled a follow-up.

It's weird.

It's like they didn't wanna offend you.

You're entitled to your opinion.

[CHATTER.]

[SIGHS.]

Randle like a damn bull in a china shop.

- Huh.

- Like, n*gga, calm your body.

- Hmm.

- Whatever.

Magic gotta do something.

- You want a beer?

- No, I'm good.

- All right, well, I ordered you fries.

- Thank you.

- Um - Mmm.

What's up, Mo?

You okay?

[SIGHS.]

I'm just feeling like we're different now.

[LAUGHS.]

What?

Different?

Different how?

You just got here.

Okay, first of all, stop laughing at me.

- Stop being dramatic.

- I'm not being dramatic.

You're being dramatic and dumb.

Just eat your fries.

Where the f*ck are they?

sh*t, you was late.

I had a few.

- I like the crispy ones.

- Those are the ones I like.

So, basically, you just got these for you?

Nah.

[CHUCKLES.]

[MUSIC PLAYING.]

[MOLLY PANTING, MOANING.]

Got her geekin' for the weekend - Got her geekin' - You good?

- Yeah, I'm so good.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- [KNOCKING ON DOOR.]

For the weekend, got her geekin' - For the weekend - Nico, hey!

Come in.

- Good to see you.

- Good to see you, too.

Um, sorry, I've been running around all day and I'm not quite ready.

But do you wanna sit down?

Sure.

Thanks.

Um, the skirt that I was gonna wear is in the dryer, so it'll just be a few minutes.

I mean, I I like the one that you have on.

This?

No way.

It barely fits.

And it's so short.

- Isn't it too short?

- [BOTH CHUCKLING.]

I don't know.

I kind of like it.

Well, too bad because it's coming off in a second.

- Wine?

- Well, can't say no to that.

- Mmm.

- I like your place.

That's cool art.

Where did you get it?

- Cheers!

- Cheers.

Do you taste the stone fruit?

Actually, um, I do.

There's hella stone fruit in there.

Uh, let me play some music.

And I downloaded that album we were talking about.

- Mmm.

- [MUSIC PLAYING ON PHONE.]

[VOLUME INCREASES.]

Hey, that was a cool trick.

[SINGER VOCALIZING.]

That was nice, but, um, I think that maybe we should probably go to dinner.

Oh, we don't have to.

I mm Mm, wait.

Hey, sweetie.

Sweetie, slow down.

What?

Why?

I just I just don't think that we should do this yet.

Oh, are you okay?

Is anything wrong with your just anything?

What?

Oh, no.

[CHUCKLES.]

No, it's Look, I really like you, and I don't want us to rush past this, you know?

I I wanna get to know you.

Yeah, I got it.

Mm-hmm.

Okay.

So, do you wanna get to the restaurant?

No.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Won't call this a waste of time - Yeah.

- But I can only speak for myself Lately, it's been crossing my mind So, I remember a few hours ago you saying that this supposed to be a onetime thing.

- I said that?

- Mm-hmm.

Right before we made it a fourtime thing.

[CHUCKLES.]

f*ck.

f*ck.

Hey, so, how would this even work?

Like, this whole open thing sounds super messy.

Like, if you're seeing me, are you seeing other people?

Mm-mm, no, I don't have to.

- But do you want to?

- No, not right now.

- I'm worn out.

- Tsk.

[BOTH CHUCKLING.]

I'm not looking for anyone else, Molly.

Okay, but what if I am?

What if I wanna see other people?

Then you gotta do what you want.

Are there other Mollys out there that you've been with like that?

I've only been with one Molly that I've been with like that.

But if you're asking if I've slept with other women, then come on.

Tsk, okay, calm down, n*gga.

Wait, does Candice know about all this?

Of course she does.

It was actually her idea we see other people.

Damn.

[SIGHS.]

That's kind of boss.

[CHUCKLES.]

She never wanted either of us to feel like we're limiting ourselves.

We could keep talking about this [KISSES.]

or choose to be in it.

- What do you want?

- [SIGHS.]

- [KNOCKS.]

- What's up, Lawrence?

What can we do for you?

Oh, just thought I'd swing by, see what's up.

See if you guys had any feedback about my Woot Woot pitch.

Yeah, I know the part in the presentation about my front user implementation wasn't as fully fleshed out as I would have hoped, but I had some additional ideas that I would love to share with you guys.

No, we thought that part was good.

Yeah, there was some really interesting stuff in there.

So, you guys don't have any additional thoughts?

If anything, maybe some privacy concerns, but take it or leave it.

Oh, okay.

Uh, good to know.

We really want to encourage you to keep the ideas coming.

We love having your perspective and your energy around here.

And you bring a lot to the team.

You're doing great.

We can't wait for Lawrence 2. 0.

[ALL CHUCKLING.]

Sounds good.

And those sneakers you had on the other day, what store did you get those from again?

It's a spot downtown called Nice Kicks.

And those are.

- [TIM CHUCKLES.]

- Yeah.

[MUSIC PLAYING.]

Young bounce, make that b*at drop Ice cream and I'm Gucci clean Pineapple, watermelon, peaches and cream, yeah My whip waxed and I'm Gucci bling - Ooh, are these condoms free?

- Oh, absolutely.

There's banana split, mint chocolate, and our top flavor for women, island punch.

- KELLI: Mmm.

- TIFFANY: Mmm.

Uh, who punching your island?

Dang, can't I be prepared?

- You never know.

- Mm, like a sex-quake kit.

- You smart.

- Oh, look, they give blow job tutorials.

Oh, yeah, it's "Blow Job, Good Job" class.

Runs every 30 minutes.

Sign-up's right here.

Who puts a condom on when you're giving a blow job?

That's like eating a Popsicle with the wrapper on.

No, but I only fellate with protection.

- Condoms are important.

- Keep dicks safe.

- Okay.

- We're signing up.

- Great.

- Or I could just teach the class myself.


Okay, Tiff, you got it like that?

I love it.

I mean, Derek loves it more, obvi, but I am stellar.

Well, I don't suck d*ck.

Ever since Jaleel White Not the famous one And his musty balls in the 11th grade, never again, not this mouth.

Yeah, I don't really partake either.

I have big teeth, and, honestly, I'm not the best at it.

Exactly why I signed us up.

Plus, the whole eye contact and the spitting, it's just too intimate.

Like, I have to really f*ck with you to put your d*ck in my mouth.

But you don't mind if a guy puts his d*ck in you?

- [VOCALIZING "I DON'T KNOW".]

- I just don't understand black women and their hang-ups about oral sex.

Girl, shut your light-skinned ass up.

- [HISSES.]

- I just feel like guys see black women as disposable after you give them head.

Like you're forever a ho if you do it.

- Oh, so I'm the ho in this situation?

- Mm-hmm.

I blame the church, the black church.

Kelli, you can't use that for everything.

- Yes, I can.

- You know, I don't mind giving head.

I don't lead with it, but if you go down on me first, I will return the favor.

- Ladies, I'm so disappointed in you.

- Bitch, shut up.

You went to those all-white-girl private schools, so you're brain-washed, Becky.

You mean, "Becky With the Good Ring"?

Yeah, why do you think black men are out here chasing after white women?

Did you know David Oyelowo is with a white woman?

Mm!

And he was in "Selma.

" I'm just saying, there is so much power in giving blow jobs.

It's like I'm the one fully in control.

How are you in control?

Every man is controlled by his d*ck.

The closer you get to it, the more control you have.

And if you're good at it, sky's the limit.

KELLI: Honestly, I'd rather go down on a woman.

At least our sh*t cleans itself.

Hey, why are there two?

Got it.

I'm gonna get it.

[PHONE BUZZES.]

WOMAN: No, she didn't!

Oh, no.

- Hey.

- Hey.

So, um, Woot Woot's dead.

[SIGHS.]

I'm sorry.

What happened?

I went to talk to Cameron and Tim, and you were right, they were super weird.

They clearly didn't like it, but they just couldn't say it to a black dude.

Is that what it is?

They asked about my shoes twice.

- f*ck.

- Yeah.

You know, I had a feeling it was something.

And they're also really weird around these.

- [CHUCKLES.]

- [SCOFFS.]

I mean, I don't know, deep down I kind of thought Woot Woot might not still be I don't know, it just it had been a part of my life for so long.

No, I get it.

I was working on this app that was supposed to rival Uber and Lyft.

- I called it Drive-By.

- Drive-By?

Yeah, I didn't really think that one through.

No.

[BOTH CHUCKLE.]

But it's okay.

Sometimes saying goodbye means you're making room for something better.

Yeah.

Yeah, I guess I'll look forward to being Lawrence 2.

0.

Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm at Aparna 6.

7.

Yo, let's run this back.

Did people get sh*t using your Drive-By app?

How many owls got harmed in the making of Woot Woot?

[IMITATES MACHINE g*n.]

Was that, like, your ringer?

- Like [IMITATES MACHINE g*n.]

- You hear that?

- It's the owls dying.

- Oh, for real?

Yeah.

Woot woot!

[MUSIC PLAYING.]

I would rather fight with you - Than be with someone else - Okay.

No, he's cool.

He's kind of giving me a black Daft Punk vibe.

Mm, well, when he comes out, it's about to be a wrap.

Oh, yeah, I can see why you're excited and why you've been working so hard.

Yeah, I've just been putting in a lot of hours.

You know, I've been getting his debut album finished.

No, yeah, I've been busy, too.

Like, just busy, busy, busy, so busy.

[MOCKING.]

"Busy, busy.

Oh, busy.

" I ain't busy now.

I ain't busy.

Okay.

You know what?

I need to catch up with you.

- You gonna catch up with me?

- [CHUCKLES.]

Oh, sh*t, I'm three, four in, so you might have to, like Okay, so it's just two more and, boom, caught up.

I got you something.

- What, for me?

- I got you something.

Chill, chill, chill.

I got you something.

- You gonna love it!

- [CHUCKLES.]

Why you got so many matches?

- Bang!

- Aw!

This is Can't forget about Hold that - What?

- this!

- You remembered?

Ugh!

- Come on, now.

- It's so good.

- Yeah?

- Try it.

- Okay.

[CLEARS THROAT.]

- Mm!

- All right, I see you.

- Right?

- It's actually not that bad.

You're not that bad.

Mm, you're not that bad.

- I mean, you are that bad.

- Mm!

Imagining you touch my Traces in the bed Run your fingers through the cotton sheets Smell the oil from my hair When I drip my perfume On your pillowcase - That's when you know - Mm, you know what?

- What?

- I was there Wait, let me I got this.

Would you like to know that I'm really here?

Witnessing my clothes are draped on the chair If you want it, then you got it Don't you waste it, you know you have it - When I drip my perfume - [MOANS.]

- Oh, sh*t.

- On your pillowcase - Oh, thank you.

- Mmm.

- Feels good.

- Uh-uh, don't get too comfortable.

- I'm next.

- Tsk, whatever.

[CHUCKLES.]

I can't with that Rubber Ducky d*ck thing.

I think it's just called a Rubber Dicky.

Oh, well, you don't need it - Oh?

- 'cause I can do better.

- Oh, can you?

- Mm-hmm.

Okay, yeah.

[CHUCKLES.]

- [MOLLY SIGHS.]

- [PHONE BUZZES.]

Ah, sh*t.

- Uh, I gotta go.

- Why?

What's wrong?

Candice, she locked herself out.

- [SIGHS.]

- Okay.

- You gonna be okay?

- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, totally.

No, no, no, no, stay.

Dinner's already on the way.

Room's paid for.

Here.

Mm.

Sorry, babe.

I know this sucks.

I'm free next weekend, though, and I'll call you, okay?

- Okay.

- Okay.

- [DUCK BUZZING.]

- Tsk.

You know I'm worth the wait I'll take your breath away - It feels like, ooh - [PANTING.]

Ah, sh*t, girl, where did you learn that?

Oh, sh*t, you about to make me come.

[GROANS.]

sh*t!

- [GRUNTS.]

- What the f*ck?!

Oh, sh*t, you need a towel?

- Are you f*cking serious right now?

- What?

Did you really just do that in my f*cking face?!

You were into it.

I mean, I was into it.

- I mean, good job.

- [STAMMERING.]

What?

Are you what?

- Iss, Iss, calm down, calm down.

- Are you serious?

Don't touch me!

What What's the problem?

I mean, I thought we were having fun.

Like, you seemed like you was down for whatever.

Really?

I didn't ask for this!

I didn't ask you to suck my d*ck.

f*ck you.

Iss!

[SIGHS.]

[HORN HONKS.]

[LOCK CLICKS.]

[MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO.]

Hey.

Uh, Is-suh?

- Is-suh carpool.

- [BOTH CHUCKLING.]

MAN: I got one more pickup.

Hey, can you change it to a black station?

- MAN: Sure.

- Thanks.

[SONG CHANGES.]

Yes!

It's been a long time, yeah It's been a long time, yeah What changed what we had?

Nothing in the world could make me so glad We had a magic run And real fun But I guess it wasn't true love Oh, oh, but the greatest love of all Is the love to set you free So I hold this love in my heart Especially for thee Real love No shade Unh Real love No shade I miss you, babe Baby, baby Baby, yeah I wanna see you happy Baby, baby, yeah Said I miss how you used to give Miss how you used to dig Miss how you turn me on Miss how you sing my song Sing real love No shade - Baby - Real love No shade.
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