06x05 - Litmus Test

Episode transcripts for the show "The L Word". Aired: January 2004 to March 2009.*
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Drama series features a group of lesbians; Jenny, Bette, Tina, Shane, Kit and Alice and their friends, family and lovers living in the trendy Greater Los Angeles, as they deal with life's ups and downs. New sequel coming 2019.
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06x05 - Litmus Test

Post by bunniefuu »

six five Litmus Test

Wait, let me write that.

Hold on one second.
Okay, what's the studio?

Okay, great.

I'm so glad you like this base.
Yeah, I read that treatment.

No, it is amazing.
Yeah, no, I hated it.

No, frankly. Plus he's designed to...
He's a real assh*le to work with.

Everybody say so.
Absolutely. Every single aspect.

Yeah, actually she pitched it to me on my blackberry.

What? You are kiding me!
Well, we couln't be more thrilled.

Absolutely.

Half a million dollars?!
I can't wait for you to meet Kelly.

No way!

Great, we're looking forward to it.
He's gonna be

so pissed.
Okay, what, you know?

Yeah.
Yeah, sure. No problem.

Alright, we'll see you then.
Really?

Alright. Byebye.
Wow! Oh my God!

You two have just really moved your offices right on in here, huh?

Wow, that's amazing.
That's construction is a f*cking nightmare.

It's so different.
The next time I get the bright idea to double the square foot of my house?
Very commercial.

Please, talk me out of it.

Yeah, it's on Tuesday.

Guess what?
What?

Jenny sold her script.

What? Wait... I didn't even know she was working a screenplay.

I didn't... Yeah.
She goes to show you.

She was depressed and someone stole her movie right of from under and she just sat right back down and she just banged out another script.

Just cranked it out?

Good for her.
Yeah.

There was a bidding w*r.
Guess how much it sold for?

How much?
Half a million dollars.

No, sh*t! Wow!
Half a million?

Yeah, you know, I would have been on it myself, but you know Aaron, he's such a shortsighted prig.

He hates Jenny.
Well, that's great for her.

Wonder what it's about this time, huh?

Should I be worried? I mean, did she go through the garbage to make a pull new set of lies about our relationship?

No, this one's completely different.

It's an action-comedy about a talk show host and a cop.

And the talk show host gets embroiled in this like m*rder mystery, but the movie really revolves around the romance between the talk show host and the cop.

It's kinda like a foul play, meets, uh... "Mr and Mrs Smith"?

Yeah, sort of.
So, for this it's gonna be huge. It's a great concept.

Oh my... You guys!
Big blockbuster potential.

That's my story!

What?
What?

That's, that's my story!

Oh god!

Schecter is so f*cking dead!

Half a million dollars?!

Excuse me?

You sold your screenplay for half a million dollars?!

Yeah. I'm so relieved.

Shane's taking me out tonight to go to dinner to celebrate.
If you wanna come...

Jenny, you stole my idea!

What are you talking about?

The treatment that I gave you about the screenplay that I was gonna write! With the, with the talk show host who falls for the cop, who, who gets involved in a m*rder plot.

I believe, if I remember right, you said it was a terrible idea.

I think your exact words were

{a }contrived, boring,

{a }unsellable?

Right. That jumble of ideas that you gave me?

The treatment, yes.
Oh, Alice.

In no universe would that mish-mash of ideas be considered a sellable treatment, and for your information, I've been working on a screenplay of my own for the last couple of months and if it happens to bear some ressemblance to something that your jotted down then it's pure coincidence.

Oh my God!
It happens all the time in Hollywood.

Where people steal their friends' ideas and then they sell them off as their own.
Is that what you're trying to say?

No, it's something called the idea well, okay?

Oh my God...
There is a well.

All of the writers drink from the same fountain.

Okay? But, it takes genius, talent, craftsmanship, to take a kernel of an idea and turn it into, tada! A sellable screenplay, okay?

Jenny, you are so f*cking full of sh*t!

Hey, what's going on?

Hi.

She's crossed the f*cking line, Shane. She has f*cking crossed it. I... This is how it's gonna be.

If you, if you continue to shack up with this f*cking lying, stealing snake in the f*cking grass, I swear to God, I cannot consider you to be my friend anymore.

A f*cking joke!

What... Jen, what's that?

I don't... I guess she has some misguided idea that I stole the idea of her screenplay.

I don't know.

She is pissed off!

I guess she'll just have to get over it.

What do you mean Jenny stole your idea? That's crazy!

She doesn't even deny doing it.

She was like "It happens to be similar".

You know what?
I feel bad about this.

Because I'm the one that sent you...

It's not your fault. I mean, how were we supposed to know that she was gonna f*cking screw me over like that?

Can you sue her? I mean, does Joyce do copy right infrigement?

No, it doesn't work that way.

What are you gonna do?
I don't...

I can't even talk about it anymore. It's just like I'm...

You know what I mean?

Why are you guys still here?

I'm working from home and yet I have no home...

And ever since I've been accused of stealing the negative, it's too uncomfortable to go to the office.

So, I'm just avoiding it.

I only have to go back later on the day.

What?
What?

Oh, I'm going to Hit tonight, you guys, with Tasha and Jamie, if you wanna go.

Is Jamie that girl that you guys have been hanging out with all the time?

Oh my... Yes!

Yeah. She's awesome!
She's so cool, you guys.

We actually went to that sushi bar you were telling me about,

on Mandchura. It was fun.

What?

You're having a third wheel crush.

You and Tasha.
Yeah, definitively.

Oh my God... we're... just friends.

She's a friend.

We love her as in friend love.

It's friend love.
You so are!

You have all the telltale signs.

Signs, Bette? Really? What signs?

Well, let's see.
It starts when, you know, you've been dating your partner for quite a while and you're starting to go bored with one another and then you start fighting all the time.

We're not fighting.

What?
Wait...

I mean, there's a little bit of fighting. Maybe.

And then you meet a new person, and you start hanging out all the time, the three of you, doing everything together, and you know what?

It's just great.
And this new person starts to revatalize the relationship, pouring all this energy and then excitment into it.

And this syndrome?
It can last weeks, months, or even like...

Remember Sally?
Go-Go Lisa?

That almost lasted the year.
I know.

Just as long as it doesn't end...

tip.
Tip.

Tip?

Well, when one member of the couple, you know, falls in love with the third wheel and then decides to act on it.

Because then...

What, Bette?
Well...

You're so wrong!

I can't even tell you how wrong you are!

So you just check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Come on.
What?

We think that Tasha and Alice are having a third wheel cruch with

Jamie.

Jamie?
You know what, Helena?

Girl, honey, that's dangerous business.

Dangerous business.

And speaking of dangerous business...

I could do without the segue, Kit.

What?

What?

I'm having dinner with Dylan on saturday night.

Are you on cr*ck?
What? Let me tell you.

Let me tell you.
Are you crazy?

You're a masochist?
Plus mine. Totally.

Why?

I

can't help myself.

Oh my... Dylan has colonized my thoughts.

Wow, that's deep.
Really? Colonized?

She told Tina I was the love of her life.

And now, I can't think of anything else. And honestly?

I'm sick of trying.
Helena, this is a terrible, terrible idea. I mean, shouldn't you just make a little bit of an effort to know?

Know what?
Know that she's not gonna f*ck you over again.
Thank you.

Helena, she really put you in the sh*t the last time.

What are you gonna do, Alice?
You're gonna make

Dylan file a questionnaire?
I don't know, Helena. I don't know.

You know what?

Maybe not a questionnaire.
Maybe more like a test.

A test?
You guys, what if we thought of a test that would prove once and for all whether Dylan is this sleazy gold digging opportunist or is she this misunderstood, reformed filmmaker who just happened to get wrapped up with the wrong guy who made her steal the money?

Oh yeah, that's good a test.

Wait, you can't test Dylan.

What?
There's a test for eveything.

What would it look like?
A love test?

No, it's more like a

test of character.

Yes, thank you.

'Cause there's things we need to know, right?

I mean, one, is Dylan just after you for the money.

Two, is she still a conniving ambitious who'd do anything to advance her career operator.. or has she really changed?

Three, does she love you, and only you, or would she love anyone rich enough or pretty enough to offer her...

What if we hire an escort to seduce Dylan?

No, that would just prove she's a whore.

It's gotta be something bigger.

Like someone that would advance her career.

That sort of thing, you know?

Nikki Stevens.

I mean, I think, really this whole thing is incredibly juvenile and ill-advised, but...

But?

You know, if you want to ensnare Dylan in some kinda test what would do is to get Niki to pretend that she is in this big movie and she is interested in having Dylan direct it.

I mean, it'd be tempting, right?
For a struggling film maker?

That would be great.
Nikki is huge right now so that would be a major payday for any new director.

And then we can have Nikki hit on her and then see if she sells Helena out for the big time. Yes!

I don't know. I mean, you just seem a little over the top?

Don't you just wanna know?

I mean, don't you just really wanna know who's you're dealing with? Once and for all?

Come on, it'll give you peace of mind.

I suppose

I'd be curious to see what would happen.

That's the spirit! Yes!
This is absurd.

It will be fun.
This is gonna happen tonight.

It has to.
We can't. We've got a dinner.

But it has to be tonight.
Her dinner with Dylan is tomorrow.

Yeah, you guys.
Tonight, for sure.

Okay. The only thing is somebody needs to call Nikki.

Tina knows her.

Yeah, I do. But she's not gonna do it for me.

We have to bring in Shane and Jenny on this one.

I'm not talking to them right now. Especially not Jenny.

Fine, I'll do it.
Doesn't Jenny hate Nikki?

Yeah, but she loves intrigue.

And she doesn't have to have any contact with Nikki.

All she has to do is impersonate her manager.

This is how this is all gonna go now.

Shane will go and talk to Nikki on the set of her latest movie.

Nikki still a hot for Shane.

So it should be easy for Shane to convince her.

So you want me to seduce some girl for you?

Yeah, but no need to sleep with her.

We just wanna check if she's gonna be into it.

And what's in it for me?

Just the knowledge that you're helping a friend.

Well, I can think of more fun ways to help you, Shane.

Thanks, Nikk.

No problem.

And then I will corral Jenny to impersonate Nikki's manager.

Jenny's had enough runnings with her, so, she should do a good job.

Nikki Stevens is hot, hot, hot.

She is turbo hot.

She is so hot, I'm getting hot flashes.

So I say to her "Who do you wanna work with?"

Who do you want to work with? Spielberg?

Do you want to work with Scorsese?

Soderberg.
Soderberg?

And you know what she says to me? Shes says no.

That's not who I wanna work with.

I wanna work with Dylan Moreland.

It's weird. I've only directed a few obscur documentaries.

She loves your documentaries!

She f*cking loved your documentaries!

So basically, here's the deal. Nikki has a pep project, okay?

I want you to read it and...

There's money.
So...

And you will also get lots of money.

Okay, well, you know what?

We don't, we don't have to talk about the money right now, but, you know, I think I just need to read the script.

I'll messenger it to you tonight.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, go meet her at Hit.
Really?

She wants to meet at Hit?

Yeah, she definitively wants to meet at Hit because she is, uh...
Young.

Young! She likes to party.

And she is a whipper-snapper.
What are you gonna do?

I'll meet her there.

Dylan will then call Helena because at this point she's still playing both ends against the middle. She won't wanna upset Helena.
Not before she's... Nikki.

Hello? The Planet?

Listen, um...

I just got this really odd call from Nikki Stevens' manager.

Nikki Stevens, the film star?

Yeah, I know, it's uh...

It's kind of strange, but, she wants to meet me tonight at your club about a possible directing job.

Right. No, I mean, I'm sure that'll be fine.

It's an exciting opportunity for you.

We're still on for dinner tomorrow night?

If you don't get a better offer.

We just wait and see now.

You just missed Tina.
I did?

Yes.

I'm tired.

Oh, guess what. She

and Alice

went kick, concoted this very silly scheme.

Well, they're trying to get Nikki to hook up with Dylan.

I know.
You know.

They brought me in.

They did?
Yeah.

How?

I'm doing that job on Paramel.

So Alice asked me to stop by the studio of Nikki's movie.

What?
To see if she wanted to go out tonight.

You saw Nikki?
Yeah, for about minutes.

She seemed into though.
I think she's gonna come out.

Well, you can't, you can't do that.

Do what?

You can't

see Nikki. I forbid it.

You forbid it?
Yeah!

She betrayed us.

So you shouldn't go talking to her like it's no big deal.

It isn't a big deal.

Jen, come on. I'm...

There is nothing.

There is nothing going on between Nikki and I.

Nothing.

And trust me. I'm with you.

You are?

I'm with you.

You believe me?
Yeah.

So then

you don't have to talk to her again, okay?

Jen, you can't forbid me to see someone. I'm not . I'm gonna see her if she's around.

Obviously you can do whatever you want.

Oh, can I?
Yeah, you can.

I just wanna say one more thing, okay?

That girl betrayed us in the most fundamental way.

She threatened to destroy the foundation of our relationship that we have created over so many years and I hate her!

I hate her so much for that.

And out of loyalty to me you should hate her too.

Okay, you know what?
First of all, that was me. I'm the primary founder in that one because she had no idea or romantic feelings towards me. In fact,

she was profoundly in love with you.

So if you're gonna blame anybody, you should blame me.
I think that she seduced you and I think that she really tried to get in between the two of us.

And I think that she's trying to get in between the two of us again.

And I think that you're letting her do it.

I'm not letting her do anyhting!
What is wrong with you?

I'm not being unreasonable.

When I think of the two of you together, it does make me really uncomfortable.

And you said that you wanted our relationship to be different from all the other relationships you've had.

Right?

So we both need to make some changes, right?

Which should be pretty easy.

Right?

Unless you still have feelings for her. Just...

I mean, I don't get it.

What language do I have to tell this to you in, so you'll get that I do not have any feelings for Nikki.
Okay.

Then it shouldn't be difficult never to speak to her again.
Oh God! You know, you've gotta back off.

I was wrong.

What?
I am wrong.

And I should trust you.

Did you just say what I think you said?

I need to learn how to trust you.

Thank you!
You're welcome.

That's all I wanted to hear.

You have to trust me.
Yes.

No fighting.
No fighting. Come on.

What?

So we were having a fabulous time and I said Philip, you have to loosen up, I mean, life is too short for boring men.

Bette, you never told me your partner was such a firecracker.

Oh, my God.

Where did you two meet?

At university. Kelly was my... in art history.

Oh, that is the boring answer and the theme of the evening is...

No bores!

The truth is...
Tell me.

Bette was in love with me.

So were you two...

Never.
No, I missed my big opportunity.

But now she's taken by the lovely Tina Kennard.

You never know.

Tina and I have been together happily for a long, long time.
Key word, happily.

Happily.
Key word.

So, Philip, are you uh...

Oh, I'm sorry, I've got to take this call.

Who is it?
Excuse me. I'll be right back.

I think you should just take it down, just a notch.
Oh, come on, we're having fun.

I know, but I don't think it's a good idea to hit on an artist especially a night

right. before the show.

Bette, I'm sorry. Can you talk to Jason about tomorrow?

He's confused.
Sure.

Thank you.

Behave yourself.

Oh, I'm sorry I'm transporting a number of pieces tomorrow.
Oh, it's just... a complete headache.
No, no, don't worry.

Bette will work it out.
She's very brilliant.

And um...
Right.

No, that was the first time...
Very beautiful.

Always has been.

But, um...
To me, she's the one that got away.

What a shame!

But, um...

As you said, she is taken.

Does it bother that I flirt shamelessly with your girlfriend?

No, no, flirt away.

I mean, Bette knows that if she were to ever cheat on me, then that would be the end of us.

So, if it makes you feel scandalous and sexy to tease her with her co-oed crush, have at it.

Thanks. I will.

Thank you, Phylip.
What did I miss?

Nothing.
Thank you.

We were just talking.

These wines...

William and Aaron just walked in with Martine Lucas and Susan Kalogridis.

They're two screenwriters that I've been working on a project with for three years.

So, what's wrong with that?

I wasn't invited.

That, in Hollywood, is how you know that you've been fired.

Jesus! Helena!

Big Brother room?

Bo, it's Dawn Denbo's security system.

She's got cameras in every corner of the club.

Look, you can zoom in.

It's got microphones.

We have them placed at every table.

So you can hear everything that's going on anywhere in the club.
Every table.

Remember to never talk sh*t about you, huh?

Wow!
Check this out!

Oh my god!

What is she doing here?

I really don't understand what this is all about.

I just think it's a huge misunderstanding.

I really do.
What?!

What about it did I misunderstand?

Was it when Jenny stole my idea or when she sold it for half a million dollars?

I'm sorry, I really, I can't be around you right now.

Alice, please.

Please just stop acting like a child.

I did not steal your idea!

Alice, was it your idea when a terrorrist has a nuclear w*apon that's gonna blow up the building?

Or was it your idea when the hero of a romantic comedy has to rush into a wedding in order to save his beloved from getting married? Or, wait, was "Beverly Hills Cop" your idea too?

Can you just stop slinging your bullshit at me?

I'm serious. Maybe Shane is buying into your act, obviously she is. But I, I see you, okay?

It's like... Stay away from me before I f*cking k*ll you!

Alright?
Okay, okay, enough already.

She's here, she's here!

Oh, sh*t, Nikki!
Guys, I'll meet you in there.

What do you wanna do?

Oh, wait a second.

Right on schedule.

Alright.

Why does Nikki have your phone number?

'Cause I gave it to her.

Nik?
Nikki Stevens, reporting for duty.

Hello! I see you.

Okay, hold on a second.

Helena, pss.

I mean, you know, we're here, with..., the cameras...

I mean, I think you should do it.

Do it, do it, do it, Helena.

Come on, girl.
Do it.

Just do it.

Do it.

Alright.
Do it, do it.

Roger that.

Roger that.

Here she goes.

Oh my gosh, that's Nikki Stevens!

I love her.

Oh my God, it's Nikki Stevens.

Have a drink with us.
Cheers!

Cheers!

Alright, I need to go in there.
See you, guys.

Nikki Stevens, can we get a picture?

Thanks.

Thank you so much for coming.

Yeah, I'm, I'm so grateful and honestly a little surprised that you wanted to meet with me.

Oh my god, no.
I have been a fan of yours ever since I saw "There's always something".

"The other side of nothing".

Right. Right.

Bring it back, Nikki.
Come on.

You know, it's really funny you've picked this room.

Why?
This happens to be my luck spot.

Last week, I made out with the most gorgeous woman ever, right there.

That's...

Do you want a drink?

Oh, no, I'm fine. Thanks.
Oh, no, really, they make the best.

That is some f*cking nerve, huh?

Hollywood is so tacky.

Aaron is a scum-sucking, f*cking miscreant.

I need to get some air.

Right? I'll be back.

Excuse me. Sorry.

I hope she's okay.

Excuse me.

What are you doing?

What needs to be done.

So I'll have legal go through all the resource material.

It's Bette, right?

It's Aaron, right?
Yeah.


The bald impotent worm we've all been talking about.

Excuse me?
It is f*cking stupefying to me how you can sit here with Martine, Suzanne, right?

Tina's writers and...
Bette.

What?

What are you doing?

I'm defending you.

I do not need you to defend me.

I'm perfectly capable of speaking for myself.

I know. I'm sorry.
I'm so happy to be done with dykes.

What did you say?

I said I am so happy to be done with dykes.

You stupid f*cking cocksucker!
How dare you sit there with that smug little smile on your face and wine and dine my writers on a project that took me three years to put together as if you had anything, anything to do with it!

He said you're a talentless hacks.

Yeah, and I begged him, I begged him to hire you.

I have put everything into this job!

I have put my heart, and my soul, and my talent and to making you both look good, time and time in again.

And how do you repay me?

By stealing my contacts and icing me.

Tina, keep your voice down.
Shut your piehole, Aaron!

I have never, in all of my life, work for such an idiotic, mindless, juvenile, cruel, pathetic loser of a human being such as you.

You are souless, and you are everything about this f*cking Hollywood that I hate!

Oh this is really uncalled for.

Uncalled for? You know what's uncalled for?

A billionaire stealing the negative of his own movie just so he can put in a claim for insurance money.

What are you talking about?

To forge my signature on a letter accusing me of theft and fraud?!

It's just down right criminal, William.

And don't think, don't think for a second that you are gonna f*cking get away with it.

Because I know.

I know.

Enjoy your dinner.

She's flipped.

I think that this film should be, you know, really beautiful and glamourous, you know, like "Atonement", oh my God, I love that movie.

No, I did too. But I kinda, I disagree a little. I, I think this is a small delicat film, and it should be spared and naturalistic, like uh, like "Down to the Bone".

But that girl looked awful in that movie.

I thought she was good.

I mean, she let herself be awful because that's what the character required.

I mean, she was real, and compelling and, and riveting.

Oh my god!

I mean, you are so right.
I mean, that's brilliant!

I mean, if you think about it, if you really wanna win an oscar, I mean, you've got to play ugly, Ret*rded or lesbian.

She's totally right.
I've totally said that before.

It's true.
Totally true.

I've already played a lesbian, so...

Wait a minute, I'm so sorry.
What are you talking about?

I know, well, you just do the math. I mean, okay.

Charlize Theron, "Monster".

Ugly, lesbian, oscar.

Nicole Kidman in "The Hours".
Plus that nose?

Really ugly.

Lesbian? Oscar.

Such a good nose too, right?

And Sean Penn in "I am Sam".

Ret*rded? Oscar note.

And Hilary Swank?

In "Boys don't cry"?

Total lesbian.
Right.

I get your point, I really do.

But I don't, I don't think you have got to be ugly. I just, you've gotta be real.

Yeah, that's what I mean.
Real.

You are a genius.
Dylan, she can't be real! It's all an act!

I think Dylan's being completely appropriate. Don't you think?

No, no, don't give her that much credit yet because Nikki is Nikki.
Look, look,

Nikki is about to make her move right about now.

Right now.

Oh my God, you're right.

How did you know?

Called...

Brace yourself, ladies.

That's so cute.

Ooh, unnecessary touch.
Thanks.

Don't fall for it, Dylan.
So is there anyone special?

Actually, actually there is someone very special.

Are you guys together?

I'd like to be.

But I did something really really f*cked up in the past and it's not really something you can undo.

Yeah, I've done a lot of f*cked up things in my life too.

Really?

Do you regret doing them?

Always.

But then, you know, sometimes it just feels so good at the moment, you know?

How old are you?

Why?

I don't know. I just...

I tend to always be attracted to older women.

f*ck you, f*ck you, f*ck you.

What are you doing?
What happened?

Sorry! Do something!

Fix it!
I'm trying, I'm trying. Hold on.

Okay, don't touch it.

Don't touch it.
... really, really exciting project.

Right.

In order for me to do my best work, I need a director that I can really trust.

You know, someone that I can be very close with.

You know, I'm not really sure where you're going with this.

You know exactly where she's going.

I might be out of line here, but I can't get involved with you.

Why not?

Well, for one, it's unethical.

And it's not really a good idea for the director to get involved with the star of the movie.

I guess you didn't get that memo, huh?

f*ck off.
Plus, there's someone I'm in love with.

What she doesn't know can't hurt her.
Okay, she's going in.

If you wanna direct this film, then you're gonna have to come home with me tonight.

I guess I'm not gonna be directing this movie.

Congratulations!
Yeah!

I feel like this is really...

She passed!
What do you think?

She's not a scumbag.

Oh my God!
Congratulations!

You did it! I mean, she did it, right?

This is great.
Smile.

It worked.

Uh, you're gonna come out?

Yeah, no, I'll be there in a minute.

How did your meeting go?

Well, it's probably not gonna work out.

Why not?

I just don't think I was what she was looking for.

Do you mind if I...?

Please.

Tina told me what you said to her.

That's all true.

You know, I came back to L.A. after all this time because I could never stop thinking about you.

Never.

No, I'm madly in love with you, Helena.

And

I always have been.

Always.

And I get it. Really.

If you wanna see me, you don't wanna see me.

I understand. Really.

It just I was hoping I...

Nevermind.

Let's go somewhere we can talk. This place just...

It's not private.

Jen, what are you doing?

What were you doing?
I was reading your text messages.

Yeah, no sh*t. You were seeing if Nikki texted me.

I was seeing because she has your phone number.

She's not texting me, Jenny, okay?

I wanted to see if she was... if you were texting her.

I don't know why you guys...

I was like I'm...

I know, I was just like...

What?
I need your help, okay?

She's driving me f*cking crazy.

And all I need is five minutes.
Will you please just keep her busy?

I'm not talking to her, and you know that.

Yes, you are, you're gonna talk to her because I'm gonna go outside and if she comes looking for me, you're gonna call.

For me?
I said okay.

Thank you.

Where are you going?

Someone told me that I left my headlights on.

So I'm just gonna go out a little bit.
Can you please not leave?

It'll be five minutes.

It'll be five minutes. Five minutes, Jen. Five.

That was taken when I was in Thailand.

I don't really know what I'm doing here.

Maybe we can just talk?

When where you in Thailand?

About a year ago.

I had this job where I was sh**ting rubber trees.

Do you want milk?

We'd get up really early every morning and this guy, his name was Naniam, he would show me these rubber trees and...

Are you really interested in rubber trees right now?

You mind if I bum one?

No. Sure.

Here.
Thanks.

I've been trying to quit but it doesn't seem to be working.

That was really sweet what you did today.

No, no, it was my pleasure.

It was actually pretty fun.

I imagine.

Enjoy it.

What, you're not gonna talk to me?

I shouldn't.

Why not?

Jenny is inside.

What about her?

We're together.

And

I don't think she'd be terribly comfortable if she came out here and saw us, you know, talking. Considering...

Yeah, I'm, I'm stupid.

I thought, when you stopped by this morning, that uh, you know, maybe...
Oh, no. Oh sh*t.

Nikk, I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.
I didn't mean that.

I think you're a super sweet girl.
I hope you know that.

And if Jenny wasn't in the picture, maybe, you know, things would be different.

I'll see you inside.

Hey, if it uh, if it doesn't work out between you two, you know where to find me.

Come on, just because the rules of Hollywood are doggy-dog doesn't mean friends need to act that way.

I don't even know who you are.
Okay, it may be none of my business.

It's just what I think.
You know what? It's okay.

It's actually not your business.
Oh, k*ll it, Jenny!

Alice brought you an idea and then that idea somehow ends up in your screenplay?

Come on, it's unethical!

Her idea is not an original idea, okay?

So stay the f*ck out of it.
This is so crazy!

Why are you letting this dumb business affect our friendship?

We're supposed to be good friends.
Really? Jenny?

Yes.
Are we? I don't think so, okay?

I think we're friends with other people who are friends.

But you and I? Not so much.
Oh, really? Shane! Please...

Can you tell her that I did not do anything and that she is wrong.
Oh yeah!

Just say that I'm wrong and your girlfriend's right.

I'd really like to hear you say that one.

Oh my God! Look what you're doing to this poor girl!

You're making her take a side!

Look, look what she's doing now.

Now she's forcing you to take a side.

So you should pick a side.

Pick one.
I'm not picking a side.

No!
Oh, you're not? Okay.

Oh f*ck! Oh come on, Jenny.

And there she goes.
You know, I gotta get out of here.

You don't wanna ruin the night.
I'm having the worst time ever.

Come on, just have some fun.
I'm about to...

Tasha, I really wanna go.
Alice, don't bother.

She's the f*cking devil!
Don't give her your energy.

Let's have fun.

Jesus Christ, will you talk to me?

Where were you? Where did you go?

I was smoking.

Oh, Shane, my God, we quit!
You quit!

I didn't quit!
Why the f*ck would you leave me ut there with them three?
To get... by the three musketeers?

Were you in the bathroom f*cking Nikki Stevens?

Were you?!
What the f*ck are you talking about?!

Why are you being f*cking paranoid?!

Of course I'm being paranoid! Because you're making me act paranoid! You're making me act crazy!

Okay, you know, you've get to lay the f*ck off.

'Cause I know when you get all insecured and paranoid, all you wanna do is control everything.

But you can't treat me like I'm your f*cking property!

So don't put me in a f*cking box!

I'm putting you in a box?
I am in a box.

Look at me right now. All I want to make me do is act you.

Is that a f*cking trap?
No!

Okay, f*ck you!
Jenny, please, no listen.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm truely sorry. I didn't mean that.

You're my dear darling friend and I'm sorry and we've been friends way before all of this sh*t happened, okay?

Right?

You're my best friend.

And I gotta say if I had to choose today, between this relationship and our friendship, I'd have to choose the friendship.

The only thing that's gonna get in the way of our friendship is if something gets in the way of our romantic relationship.

I love you.

Me too.

I got it.

I gotta get out of here.

What's wrong?

What's wrong?

I'm scared.

I know.

Me too.

It's okay.
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