03x08 - Latecomer

[bunniefuu]

The L Word - 3x8 - Latecomer

BETTE: Previously on The L Word.

KIM: Next victim.

That looks really good.

Look at you two, another couple of dykes with matching tats.

I'd rather see you by yourself.

I like you. A lot.

I'm changing myself from female to male.

Does Jenny know?

She's been sh**ting me up with it.

How does that feel?

It's better than the first time.

- Hey, won't you get in trouble for that?
- Mmm-mmm.

Big sister's over at the chemo clambake.

I am not going to have it.
I am not going to have this sh*t.

I am talking to you, Billie!

It's time for me to go.

Why can't you just leave me the f*ck alone?

You're not my f*cking nurse.

You're not my mother.
You're not anything...

I don't know if I can...

- if I can live without you.
- Oh, Alice...

(SOBBING)

DANA: You can.

(ALICE SOBBING)

I can't, I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't.

I've got to go.

I have to go.

I have to go.

Dana...

KIT: Pull over! Pull over into that outlook.

ANGUS: What's up? Are you okay?

Okay.

- Baby, what's wrong?
- I'm just having bad butterflies. That's all.

I'm just hyperventilating.

Yeah, just... it's all right.
Just breathe slow.

Breathe... That's it. That's it.

Yeah. it's exciting.
I'm excited to meet your friend Nona.

Yeah. But, hey, my friends, the BETTY Girls, they've come all the way from New York to produce me.

- I can't do it. I can't do it.
- Yes, you can do it.

Look, they came out here because your record's gonna be k*ller, Kit, and because they love you.

And, you know, this is all happening because you took control of your life.

(GASPS )

- Okay. I'm okay.
- All right?

- I'm okay.
- All right.

All right. Let's go. All right.

Okay.

- Ready?
- Yep. Hi-ho, silver!

(SCREAMS EX CITEDLY)

(DOG BARKING)

Sorry, I didn't mean to touch you.

I don't mind being touched by you.

Obviously you do.

While I'm away, I want you to move out.

Where am I supposed to go?

I don't know. I just...

Just move into the other bedroom until we figure it out.

I just don't want you in my bed anymore.

- All right, fine, if that's what you want.
- That's not what I want, Tina.

I'm not the one who decided that the last eight years of her life was some meaningless little dalliance in the land of alternative lifestyles.

You know that's not true.

I can't help the feelings that I'm having.

Well, I don't want you to have them in my bed.

(ANGELICA CRYING)

I have to pack.

Do you mind? I have to spend a little time to myself in my room.

It's okay. Hi, sweetie.

Mommy's right here. Come here. Yeah...
What a big girl.

Yes, you're a big girl, and Mommy's right here.

Who's this? Who's this?

She's gonna need to be nursed.
Come on, sweetie, come on.

Let's go nurse. Let's go nurse in my room.

No. Don't do that like that.
That's not good.

Carmen. Carmen.
Carmen. Carmen?

You're having a bad dream.

You're having a bad dream.

You're kicking me.

- I am?
- Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, my God.

Shane...

I had this dream that we were inside Wax, but it was, like... it was really trippy, and there were all these paintings that were floating around, and you were there and I was there, and there was this lady... it was Cherie.

- What?
- It was Cherie Jaffe.

You were giving a tattoo to Cherie Jaffe.

Like the one that we have that's on the back of our necks.

- Why did you do that?
- Do what?

- Give her a tattoo?
- I didn't.

That was something really sacred to us.
That's just between us.

- But I didn't give...
- God damn it, Shane, that's so f*cked up.

- DANA: Al?
- Yeah. Coming. Hold on a sec.

- Alice!
- Okay, I'm coming!

Okay, I put a little hemp seed in it and that Greek yogurt that you like.

Check it out.

Hot, hot, hot, isn't it?
It's too bad Lara's not around to see this.

Maybe I'll save it and sell it on eBay.
What do you think?

All right. Can you not be so morbid?
And drink this. Drink your shake.

- I can't. I feel nauseous.
- Please, just... it's good for you. Drink.

- Where are you going?
- Hold on.

- Reinforcements.
- What is that?

I did a little shopping. Got some basics.
Okay? Nothing...

Shag... Shaggy chic.

I know this is out, the flips, but we'll cut it.

Blondes have more fun.

Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm.
You like?

Rocking redhead!

- I can't wear a wig, Alice.
- Why?

Because I'll look stupid.

You're not gonna look stupid.
Just try it, okay?

- Okay.
- Just humor me.

Not so much, that one. No.

Okay. Try another one.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

"Sharon Fairbanks." Go away.

- What's your mom doing now?
- Oh, she keeps calling me...

"I just read an article about an amputee who won a tournament."

Makes me nuts.

You know, she's just...
She's trying to help.

And I don't think shutting them out is really gonna make you feel better.

Well, then what is gonna make me feel better, Al?

I mean, look at me. I'm just... I'm disappearing.

I'm just disappearing.

- Can I read it to you?
- Just one second.

Okay. Read it to me.

"This is to inform all of my friends and acquaintances that from now on

"I'll be going by the name Max.

"Please use only the male pronoun when referring to me.

"Yours truly..."

Why don't you sign off like this...

Yeah. That's cool.

(AMY TUNING CELLO)

KIT: I'm home, dear!

(ALL SHRIEKING)

- Hi!
- Hey!

Look at you. You look like you're , girl!

- How'd you stay so sexy?
- Oh, girl, you know black don't cr*ck.

Brown, you stick around!

Oh, the BETTY girls! Hi, Alyson. Hi!

- Amy! Hi, girl.
- Hey, Kit. How are you doing?

AMY: Make me sound good!

Hey... This is my boo.
This is my main squeeze, Angus.

- Hi. Alyson. Welcome.
- Angus Partridge. Nice to meet you.

- Hi, Angus, nice to meet you.
- Hi.

Right on.

Goodbye, sweetie. Don't forget this.
Don't forget.

Here, give me a kiss.
Give your mama a kiss.

It's supposed to be a totally silent retreat, but Julia said she hiked down to the lake every evening to call her son.

Excuse... Can you... Can you cut your engine until I'm ready to go?

Thanks.

So I expect you to put her on the phone with me.

Of course I'll put her on the phone with you.

I want to call her from the road this afternoon, so where will you be?

I was thinking of going to visit Kit and everyone in the recording studio.

- You're kidding me.
- No. ls there a problem?

Well, the problem is that you no longer have the privileges of being my life partner.

- What?
- Don't get all galled and affronted.

You're the one who's breaking up the family.

- I am not breaking up...
- Yes, you are, Tina.

You don't love me.

You're changing who you are, and, yes, you are breaking up this family, and you know, it's about time that we both just got real about it.

So while I'm away meditating, I'm going to try...

BETTE: What is she doing here?

- Hi.
- Hello, Roberta.

How long have you been here?

I'm getting ready to write up my report to the bureau, and I was in the neighborhood.

The gay dads over on Curson are adopting a cr*ck baby.

- And are you endorsing their petition?
- They're a wonderful family.

They've been together for years, and this is their third child.

How are you two doing?

- Fine.
- Wonderful.

Is there anything you want to tell me?
Any big changes afoot?

Well, I mean... Well, we're working out some things, but...

I mean, frankly, Roberta, I think it's really between me and Tina.

- Couples go through changes all the time.
- Yeah.

And you're still intending on proceeding with this adoption?

- Of course we are.
- Absolutely.

Listen, I've got to get going.
My flight's at : .

Where are you going, if I may ask?

I'm going to the Mahabodhi monastery in Olympia, Washington.

- I'm going on a meditation retreat.
- How long will you be gone?

Ten days.

Well, I guess that's fine, considering Angelica will be home and safe with her mother.

And her other mother will be home with her in days, enlightened, and better able to cope with any changes that are afoot.

(ANGELICA GURGLING)

Goodbye, baby. I love you, little Angie.
I love you.

Here you go.

Excuse me.

BETTE: Bye, Angie.

Say, "Bye, Mama. Bye, Mama."

Bye-bye!

Are you sure you want to go through with this adoption?

Of course I do. Why would you say that?

Because it's obvious that you and Bette are not happy campers.

What if you get involved with someone else, Tina?

- I don't think that's relevant.
- It's highly relevant.

Bette is Angelica's other mother.

You wouldn't even be saying this if we were a heterosexual couple.

You just might want to think about it.

HELENA: I'm just picking Dylan up.
Shall I bring you a coffee?

I'm just talking to Alice.

Okay, I'll see you at the recording studio.
What time are you gonna get there?

Okay. Bye.

- Hi.
- Hi.

I can't tell you. I am so excited to meet Nona Hendryx. I am the hugest fan.

Do you mind if I just make one more quick call?

I'm pretty sure I've got the jet for tomorrow.

- For the game?
- Yeah.

Dana's this huge basketball fan. San Jose Lightning is her favorite team.

And you're flying everyone out on your mother's jet?

You think it's too much?

- You think it's too much.
- I don't. I don't think it's too much.

I think it's... I think it's amazing. it is.

It's, like, the most incredible thing to do for your friend who's sick.

- I think you're amazing.
- Thank you.

I'm getting in the car.

Okay.

(SINGING) Cause they're They're just transformations

(SINGING) Cause they're They're just transformations

Variations

Alternations

Deviations

You know, mother nature rules us all...

ANGUS ON SPEAKER: Guys, can I make a suggestion?

I think Kit should sing through the first chorus by herself, and then you guys come in on the second chorus.

I don't think we've heard enough of her yet.

- You want me to sing that line by myself?
- What's he saying?

I think maybe we double up on the first chorus, and then do the second chorus three times because it's very strong.

Angus.

We're just trying to do the scratch vocals right now.

So, you know, can we just complete it, and we'll try something else later?

Okay.

Okay, Paul, let's try that again, and take it from the top of the chorus, please.

Cause they're They're just...

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay. Who's next?

- Hey.
- Hey, Shane.

Hey, you guys.
I'm sorry, I've got to take these two.

SHANE: Come on. How are you?

DANA: Okay.

Hey.

Give me these.

Are you ready?

Yeah?

Auntie Kit... Kit!

- Hey!
- Hey. Alyson. How are you?

- TINA: I brought friends.
- Hi.

- Thank you so much for letting us come.
- Helena, you know you can come anytime.

- This is my friend Dylan Moreland.
- How are you doing?

- Nice to meet you.
- Really nice to meet you.

Kit, I don't want to be a pain, but do you think we could introduce Dylan to Nona?

She's a huge fan.

Sure, no problem. Nona, come here.
Come here, girl.

Nona Hendryx, I want you to meet some of my friends and your biggest fan right here.

- NONA: Hello.
- Hi. Dylan. Hi.

- It's so good to meet you.
- NONA: Great.

- So I thought you guys were just friends.
- We are.

- (WHISPERING) Oh, God. Yeah, right.
- We are...

ANGUS: Kit, phone call for you.

Okay.

Hi. I'm Helena.

It's your sister.

Hey, girl.

Where you at right now?

Almost at the airport. Listen, Kit, can you do me a big favor?

Yeah, sure.

Can you call Tina and just let her know that she's welcome to come visit you at the recording studio?

Tina just walked in.

She what?

Yeah, she just walked in with Helena and her friend.

You're kidding me.

(SIGHS )

Hello? Bette?

Bette... Lost her.

A subcutaneous mastectomy is the reduction of breast volume to a male-appearing chest.

We perform it under general anesthesia, using a semicircular, u-shaped incision at the junction of the areolar skin and the normal skin.

This procedure runs about $ , .

Well, that's all right, because I'm still covered under Chaldene for, like, another six months with my policy with them.

I'm afraid that gender reassignment surgery isn't yet included on any insurance policies.

They see it as an elective procedure.

Hey, listen, listen. I just got my advance.

So why don't I use, you know, the money that the publisher gave me, and I'll pay for it.

- Jenny, I don't want you to pay for this.
- I want to pay for it.

- No, I just wouldn't feel right about it.
- But I feel fine.

That's nice, but I...

Do you know what a lot of people do?

Well, not a lot, but some of my patients, they hold top surgery benefit parties.

They invite their friends in from the community, and raise the funds to pay for their top surgeries.

- Yeah, let's do that.
- Yeah...

(SINGING) Mother nature rules us

I move and I go in time, fast and slow

I move through doors Each time less and more

Pleasure and pain

- What's the tempo?
- .

Yeah, that's wrong. it's too fast.
Let's take it down to, say, .

- No, that's not gonna work.
- What is not gonna work?

That's not going to work.

Angus, come on, baby. Come on.

Baby, what's going on?

Nothing's going on.
Do you not want me to be a part of this?

No, of course I want you to be a part of this.

It's just a totally different thing when you're making your own record.

This isn't some Daddy Warbucks record company, okay?

I just...

I want you to get everything you envisioned when you first dreamed...

Deviations

Mother nature rules us all

Oh, wow, look at this. It's an all-in-one boxer-brief with a built-in package and a chest-binding vest.

Wow.

I like this. The "Pissin' Passin' Packer."

"This d*ck can be used as a clean, tidy, standing urinary device.

"You can hold it up against yourself, face the toilet bowl or urinal,

"and let it fly."

But you can pee standing up, can't you?

Yeah, I know, but, I mean, I've never been able to, you know, whip it out in a men's room.

(CHUCKLES ) I see.

KIT: Oh, this is great...

ALICE: Hey, Kit! You've got some new visitors.

KIT: Hey! What is with those crazy do's?

Don't ask. it'll all be explained in a minute.

No, no, no, it's... Extreme is the new season.

- Yeah.
- This is the new thing.

Okay, so we want to introduce you to someone.

Yeah, so please welcome the brand new Dana Fairbanks.

ALICE: Come on, Dane.
SHANE: Come on.

(ALL CHEERING)

TINA: You go, girl!
KIT: Look at you, Dana!

- You look fantastic.
- Look at you.

Hey, girl.

- KIT: You're such a beauty.
- That looks amazing.

KIT: Yeah, doesn't she?

HELENA: You look gorgeous.
Well done.

KIT: Dana, I've got somebody I want you to meet.

Easy. Nona, this is Dana Fairbanks, our best friend, who came by to show us her new chemotherapy coiffure.

SHANE: Yeah!

It's really cool to meet you, and you know what?

I'm down with that do.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Thank you.

Party on, Dana. You look great.

KIT: All right!

All right, it's on!

(UPBEAT INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING)

d*e, m*therf*cker!

- Bastard.
- Fucker.

You're not... Hey, Dane, you okay?
Want to go home?

No, I want to stay and have fun and play games...

SHANE: Right there!
ALICE: I see you, I see you.

ALICE: Go, get the m*therf*cker, get the m*therf*cker!

- I got it, I got it.
- Where's Carmen?

- (SIGHS ) I'm in the shithouse.
- Why?

Carmen had a dream that I gave Cherie Jaffe a f*cking tattoo.

Yeah. No, I've had that happen.

I had this girl who dreamt that I f*cked David Schwimmer.

Well, Friends was on a lot.

- Fucker!
- sh*t.

You know, Al, actually, when we were going out, I had a dream you were a midget.

But I wasn't mad at you or anything.

- sh*t. Damn it.
- Well, he keeps sh**ting your back.

I hate being in the shithouse.

I'm gonna get some tea.

- Do you want some tea?
- No, thanks. I've already had tea.

(SHANE AND ALICE ARGUING)

Hey, guys. You making some tea?

Yeah.

So where's Dana?

She was feeling sick, so she just went to lie down.

Do you think she's gonna be up for tomorrow?

No, no, no, I think she'll be psyched.
For sure.

- Well, okay, let's go.
- Yeah, okay.

- See you guys later.
- Bye.

Come here.

This is f*cking insane.

Come here.

I'll show you how f*cking insane it is.

(WHISPERING) Do you feel that?

Nobody makes me wet like that.

You're the first person who's ever done that to me.

- (WHISPERING) Take me home.
- You want to go home?

To your house.

Now. Home.

- SHANE: Hey, baby, what are you doing?
- Uh-uh.

No, I am not here for you.
I am here for Kit.

And I'd like to meet Nona Hendryx, okay?
You are not to talk to me.

- I didn't do anything.
- That's it.

Guys? Guys, can you keep it down?

Okay, not only did you give Cherie Jaffe a tattoo, but there was a scary-looking, like, bird that kept flying around, right, and at one point, it was screaming your name.

It was saying, "Shane! Shane! Hello, Shane!"

And you sprouted wings, and you flew off with the bird, okay?

That is unacceptable. No.

Okay.

(WHISPERING) They sound so good.
What do we got? Hey.

They sound good. Oh, yeah.

Latin women.

KIT: Hey, guys, I just want to thank you for a great day.

It's gonna be better tomorrow.
We're going to be really hot, right?

ALL: Yeah.

Well, if you three can work up an arrangement where her vocal drama doesn't overwhelm Kit's freestyle funk...

Oh, no, you didn't say that.

Well, you know what, somebody's got to say it.

Come on.
I want to talk to you now, right now.

Man, that's unbelievable.

Do you have any idea what a big favor these people are doing for me?

- Do you?
- That's the problem.

You're acting like they're doing you this big favor, when you're doing them the favor...

Angus, I don't need this. I really don't need this. This is not how I deal.

This is not how I want to set things up with people I'm gonna work with, okay?

Just back off.

- Back off?
- Yeah.

(SIGHS )

(DOOR SLAMMING)

(KIT SIGHS )

- Can you guys give me a ride?
- AMY: No problem.

ALYSON: Yeah.
We'll get you home safely, Kit.

NONA: Come on, Kit.

Helena...

What?

I've never done this before. I just haven't...
l haven't done this.

D YLAN: I mean...

HELENA: Don't worry.

It's okay.

(LAUGHING)
I need help. I can't undo it.

(GASPS )

Hey.

Thank you.

I'm gonna... if you could just...
I'm gonna change.

- Yeah.
- Thanks.

No. No problem.

sh*t. Al!

Yeah?

Can you help me?

I... I can't get my bra off.

- I got it.
- Thanks.

You okay?

DANA: Mmm-hmm.

- I'm sorry.
- No. No...

You're beautiful.

MAX: Hey, you're still at it.

Mmm-hmm.

- Are you still working on chapter four?
- No.

I'm writing a story about you.

- About me?
- Yeah, well, not just about you.

Sort of... I don't know, about us, and what we're going through.

- Why are you doing that?
- Hey... Don't do that. Stop it.

- Delete it.
- Don't touch my f*cking computer.

- Stop it.
- Hey!

Delete the f*cking sh*t.
I'm not okay with that.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- What's going on?
- Nothing.

I was... I was writing late, and Moira was... Max was worried about me.

- Is everything okay out here?
- Yeah.

- Are you sure?
- It's fine.

I'm just tired. I'm gonna go to bed.

Sorry, you guys. I didn't want to wake you up or anything.

Are you kidding?

(WAVES CRASHING)

(HELENA GASPING)

Are you sure... You've never...

Never what?

(LAUGHING) Never done this?

Is it good?

I want you to come.

Oh, God. Oh, my God.

Hey.

Did you have any more of those dreams last night?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you're having these nightmares because of that f*cked-up thing I did.

I know. I know that, you know, we're...

We're doing this, and we're trying to work this out and stuff, but I guess that I'm still hurt.

You have every right to be.

I mean, you flew off, Shane.

You totally took off with this bird.

I'm not going anywhere.

Hey, guys.

Hey.

I wish I could go with you guys, but Angelica's got a cold, and I shouldn't take her on the plane.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Yeah.

- Hi, Jenny.
- Hey, guys.

- TINA: Where's Moira?
- Max.

Oh, sorry. Max.

- Is he coming or what?
- I don't know.

Have a good time.
I should go. She's not doing well.

- CARMEN: Okay. Bye.
- Bye.

- Hope the baby's better.
- Thanks.

Hi.

Hey.

I'm sorry about last night.
It's the testosterone. it, like, amps me up.

You know, you embarrassed me, and you scared me.

It's unacceptable to yell at me like that.

I'm sorry.

I really am. it's just...
I don't want you to write about me.

- Why?
- Because it's private.

- But it's important.
- But it's my story.

No, it's our story.
The story's not just about you.

It's about how we met and everything that we've gone through up until this point.

SHANE: Jenny, come on.

I don't want to fight.

Please, can we just forget about it and just go and have a great time with Dana?

I don't really feel like Dana would want me there, you know?

I mean, she's, like, totally freaked out by what I'm doing.

I want you there.
I want you to be my date.

Okay?

Okay.

(INAUDIBLE)

D YLAN: All right, so...

I guess I'm not gonna see you till late tonight.

It's good, babe. it's a good thing.

Okay. All right. Yeah, I'll talk to you later.
Okay, bye.

- It's good.
- You can come?

Yeah.

- He's all right with it?
- Yeah.

You know, we have a pretty independent relationship.

We're both away a lot when we're sh**ting, and...

- Where does he think you were last night?
- I don't know. He didn't ask.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I mean, we both, you know...
We trust each other.

That makes me feel terrible.

Oh, no, no. No. No, please. Don't.
Don't let it.

I'm gonna tell him.

- You're gonna tell him about us?
- Yeah.

Tonight, when we get back from San Jose.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Really.

ALICE: Thanks, guys.

It's not even my car.

SHANE: Nice job.
ALICE: Thank you.

DANA: So, Alice, what's going on?
What are we doing here?

Dana, we are taking you to the San Jose-Houston game.

- The basketball game?
- That's right.

Are you the Peabody party?

- Yeah, that's us.
- MAN: Follow me, please.

- Okay, come on.
- DANA: Get out!

CARMEN: Oh, my God, y'all, I can't believe I'm about to get on a private jet.

DANA: I can't believe we're going to a championship basketball game.

Guys, guys, walk of shame.

Don't be nervous.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hey.
- HELENA: Hey. How are you?

ALICE: Good. How are you?

Hey, baby.

- ALICE: Hey, Dylan.
- D YLAN: Hi.

Okay, everyone, you guys remember Dylan, right?

- Hi.
- Yeah.

- Hi.
- How's it going?

- Is everybody ready?
- CARMEN: Yeah!

- Let's go.
- ALICE: Me first. God, money's fun.

- Thank you.
- It's my pleasure, Dana.

It's incredible.

DANA: This is awesome.

Do we get, like, free food and stuff on here?

Are you coming, Moira?

JENNY: Max.

Oh, right.

Everybody, Moira's d*ad! Long live Max.

Okay, Kit, it's your first take, so take your time, and make it sexy, girl.

Thank you for making me really nervous...

Wait, wait... Okay, okay, hold it.

I wasn't there yet.

Okay. One more time, one more time.
We can do it, we can do it.

It's all right, it's all right, let's go again.

Rust to dust, us to them

Change your mind...

NONA ON SPEAKER: That's okay, that's okay. Take your time. That was nice.

Okay... Yeah. Okay.

(SIGHS )

We have apricot tarts, all kinds of freshly baked cookies, fruit, yogurt.

WOMAN: Would you like a latte or a cappuccino?

MAX: Yeah.

I'll have a... You know what, I shouldn't.
Sorry, never mind.

Are you trying to quit caffeine?

Yeah. I'm trying to stay as clean as possible.

Is that because of the medication you're on?

- Yeah, actually.
- Me, too.

I'm really sorry about what you're going through.

Thanks.

You know, I want you to know that I could understand why you wouldn't want to be around me.

I mean, you worked really hard to create the body you have, and, you know, your whole life's been in that.

- You're right.
- And I want you to know...

I mean, you don't have to accept this.

Maybe I shouldn't even say it, but it's life and d*ath for me, too.

But you don't have cancer.

(BEEPING)

Hello, lad*es. it's your captain here. I hope you've enjoyed the ride so far.

We're going to be starting our descent into the San Jose airport in approximately minutes.

- That does not look good.
- I feel sorry for him.

- Oh, please, he so deserves this.
- I've seen Kit do this over and over again.

I can just imagine what she's saying to that poor boy.

- Can you imagine?
- AMY: Jeez.

Do you want to know?

- ELIZABETH: Hell, yeah.
- Yes.

- Where have you been?
- AMY: Oh, good*e.

ANGUS ON SPEAKER.. Yeah, you know, I was looking forward to working with them until working with them became working with you and them, and "Angus, can you take the baby for a while?"

ANGUS.. Look, I'm sorry, okay? I know, I stepped over the line, and I'm sorry for that, because I love you.

I certainly didn't mean to embarrass you in front of your friends.

Well, why don't you apologize to them, not to me.

Well, I will apologize to them, but you're the one who makes me feel like a f*cking adolescent because I'm so in love with you.

You are the one I want to spend the rest of my life with!

No, no, no! La, la, la, la!

You are the one I want to marry me!

KIT: That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of.

- I mean it!
- You don't mean it!

You're young. You want to have a family. You want to have kids.

Oh, I see.
Now you're the expert on what I want.

I am not the expert, but I've seen you with my niece.

I've seen you with kids, and you know what, you've got your whole life...

Shut the f*ck up, Kit.

I've known you for years, and I've seen you blow more relationships.

You've got a good one here, and I think you ought to think twice before you send him packing.

- You know, who asked you?
- No, wait, I think she has a point...

No, you shut up.

Kiss the bride, fucker.

- And you shut up, too.
- No...

- You shut up.
- No.

AMY: Come on.

Come on.

AMY: She's going.
NONA: Yeah!

See how easy that was?

(ALL CHEERING)

So is everything good?

I mean, they're ready for us when we get in there?

It's all taken care of.

Hey.

- Hey, aren't you Dana Fairbanks?
- No, sorry, I'm not. I don't know.

- You don't like being recognized, huh?
- No, not like this.

So...

What did you mean back on the plane about life and d*ath for you?

The first time I tried to k*ll myself, I was, like, years old, and I fought against it because I really believed that it was a sin, but I knew. I was, like... l knew this wasn't my life.

You were when you tried to k*ll yourself?

Yeah, but I knew this wasn't my life.
I was, like...

I don't know, I thought maybe if I d*ed and I came back that God would put me in the right body.

MAN ON SPEAKER: Lad*es and gentlemen, we have someone very special in the house tonight.

Let's give it up for the Mercedes Challenge lad*es' tennis champion, Miss Dana Fairbanks!

(ALL CHEERING)

Are you ready for Lightning to strike?

The San Jose Lightning congratulates you, Dana.

Sports fans, make some noise!

We love you. We're so excited you're here.

Thank you.

- Get me out of here.
- Dana... it's not for you. it's for them.

Come on.

NONA: Sisters..

From one sister to another funky sister.

It's all about transformation.

It's all about change.

It's one thing a woman knows about. Constant.

Change is the only constant.

We bleed and don't d*e.
We sweat when it's minus outside.

We fight in the battle side by side.

It's a sister thing.

It's a W-O-M-A-N thing, and we're coming together.

We're pulling ourselves together.

Sisters!

It's all about transformation.

Rust to dust, us to them

Change your mind, change your skin

Life to d*ath, weak to strength

You cash your check, change your socks

Push to shove, hate to love

- In and out, it's all about
- it's all about

Transformations

Variations

- Alternations
- I know

- Deviations
- You know that

- You know mother nature rules us all
- Mother nature rules us all

I move and I go in time, fast and slow I move, through doors

Each time less and more

- Wet to dry, eye to eye
- NONA.. Wet to dry, eye to eye

- Yin to yang, pleasure or pain
- Pleasure or pain

Crazy insane

You make the rules then you play the game

NONA: You got to play the game

Fits the glove, lose or win

You live a life of sin then you're born again

Sinner, you better run

Trash to art, heart to heart

- Big or small, we're all a part
- Sisters, we're all a part

Transformations

Variations

- Alternations
- I know

- Deviations
- You know that

- You know mother nature rules us all
- Mother nature rules us all

Rules us all, rules us all rules us all, rules us all

ELIZABETH: Kit, Kit!

Thank you. Good night.

(ALL CHEERING)