03x09 - Lead, follow, or get out of the way

[bunniefuu]

The L Word - x - Lead, follow, or get out of the way


Al? Alice!

I'm just... I'm disappearing.

I'm really sorry about what you're going through.

It's life and death for me too.

Gender reassignment surgery isn't...yet included on any insurance policy.

So of my patients... they hold top surgery benefit parties.

You're the one...

I wanna spend the rest of my life with.
You are the one I want to marry me!

Nobody makes me wet like that.

Take me home... to your house.

Where's Carmen?
I'm in the shithouse.

You're having these nightmares because of that f*cked up thing I did.

You no longer have the privilegies of being my life partner.

Woaa!
You're the one who's breaking up the family.

Are you sure you wanna go through with this adoption?

Of course I do. Why would you say that?

Well, it's obvious that you and Bette are not happy campers.

It's bad?

She said she couldn't live without me.

She will and she's gonna move on.

You know, we've all felt like that before.

I just hate being the one who hurts her, you know...

It's worse, I think, than being the one who gets their heart broken.

Dana, you can't give up your happiness for the sake of Alice's.

Don't...

I'm sorry, I just... I'm not... I'm not ready.

It's ok.

I understand.

I didn't break up with her for you.
I broke up because it wasn't working.

It's ok. I can wait.

I've waited this long...

We have all the time in the world.

So, is it true that you guys have been up since in the morning?

Yes, we're still on east coast time.

And you may as well stay on it.

It's a shame but they've got to go back to New York...

with their nanny as soon as their swimming lesson is over.

Mommy, can Dylan come to our swimming lesson with us?

Pumpkin, Dylan can come anywhere she wants with us.

Anywhere in the world.
Don't do that.

What?

Nothing, it's just...

Well, the kids are fine with it.

I know, but we're in public and...

I'm not...
Ok.

So who wants to go swimming?

Me.

So I was thinking about wearing that green dress... for the Lion Martin benefit. I don't know... I have to make a speech. What do you think?

I would say the green dress for TV.
Because it's a good color on you.

Thank you.
Anyway I'm not the color commentator, so...

That's funny. What?
That's not what that means...

The color commentator helps out...

the play-by-play announcer... filling gaps and stuff...

Oh, why is it the color comment then?

I have no idea.
See?

Because it's colorful?

I don't know. I help... like... give statistics...and injury reports with some occasional humor.

Because you're so funny?
Yes.

It's like looking into a mirror.

No, bald is beautiful.

I think so...thanks for coming with me.

Sure.

I mean, I'm excited to meet Doctor Love.

I want her so sign my book and stuff.

I like doing stuff with you.

I like my favorite person to do stuff with.

Do you miss Lara?

Yeah, i do...

I don't know. It's different with you.

Well, we're best friends. That's why.

Yeah...

I mean, it took me a long time to get here, but...

You're my best friend and it wasn't always like that...
No no, I'm glad, i'm glad we're back... together as... as friends. That's... good...

Oh sh*t!

I should've called to tape my breasts away.

That would've been so much more tragic.

Not tragic!
No, not tragic like that. It's kinda tragic in the 's Milly Vanilly kind of way.

I mean Tom and Cynthia called it...y ou know... the 'pity party'.

You're calling this the 'pity party'?

Ooh, that's deep, girl.

I'm not a girl, Kit.

And it's not a pity party.

It's a fundraiser.
You know, I call everybody girl.

She even calls me 'girl' sometimes.
Oh, you go girl.

Jenny, you want something?
A coffee please.

It's not cool...it's like... if someone's trying to change their name, you know...and people refuse to call them by their new one.

Max, I know what you're about to do is very real...

but it's gonna be more than just changing your name.

There's gonna be consequences...
Kit...

You're my friend, alright? So, if you have something to say...you should just say it.

I understand some of your struggle.

And I respect the choice you're making in your life.

But you have a problem with it.
No, I don't have a problem with it.

I'm just worried about you.

Can't you understand...?

You know, I've never felt comfortable in a girl's body.

So, removing your breasts and changing yourself into a man... is gonna solve all your problems?

No, i know that won't happen.

The people will start to see me for who I am.

You know, it just... it just saddens me to see so many of our strong butch girls... giving up their womanhood to be a man.

You know, we're losing our warriors... our greatest women.

And I don't wanna lose you.

I'm not following some trend.

What if I lived my life feeling white inside?

And then the next day I woke up and I could change the color of my skin... the features on my face to become white?

Would you encourage me to do that?

I don't know, I mean, do you feel white inside?

What's white inside?

What's male inside?

What's female inside?

Why can't you be the butchest butch in the world... and keep your body?
Because I wanna feel whole.

I want the outside of me to match inside of me.

You'll be giving up the most precious thing in the world.

What? My tits?

No, being a woman.

Here you go, Alice.

Wow. Thank you Doctor Love.

You know, Dana, everything you've told me...

I think you're doing everything right.

And I would advise anybody in your situation to have chemo therapy... but I'm really glad you're doing all the complementary therapies as well... because that's what's really gonna make you feel better.

Oh yeah it does!

I mean, I read your book.
What else can I do for you... besides telling you that I think you're doing everything right?

I just... at this point, I just wanna know... what I can do to help you.

Yeah, I mean, you're working on a cure, right?

That's what I read.
Well, I have a foundation... and we're doing research on where breast cancer starts... which is in the lining of the milk docks.

And we have a device where we can get into the milk docks... and squirt a very low dose of chemo... therapy, right where the tumor is...

And treat the tumor, and pre-cancers too.

So I'm hoping this won't only cure breast cancer... but maybe a way of preventing it altogether.

God, that's amazing!
Wow!

We've actually been able to prevent it in rats.

We've given this low dose chemo therapy to rats... and then given them an antigen... and prevented them from getting breast cancer.

So, we're very close.

I wanna... I wanna... help...

I'll do anything... anything!

That's great. We need all help we can get.

I wanna do anything I can.

Really, I feel like it's giving me a new lease on life.

Oh wow!

Hey guys!
Hello, oh my God!

These are so fabulous!

Is Dana gonna be ok with these?

Yeah, I mean, you know... she's having a hard time.

But I think she's coming tonight.

She is? Good good.
Hey Max.

Look!

Oh wow! Cool, Alice.

Hey is there a fridge? 'Cause I don't want them to melt.

There's one right in the back.
Thank you.

What're you doing?
Hey.

Need some help?
No, it's ok, I got it.

No, Shane, I got it.

Well baby, I just...
No, Shane! I got it!

What is your problem?
You've been like this for days!

What's your problem?
What're you talking about. I'm fine!

Oh really?

Ok, fine. You wanna know what it is?
Yeah.

How would you feel if you were making love to me... and then all of a sudden I just check out in the middle of it. Gone... not there...

I haven't checked out.

Yeah, you're there, you're lying like next to me and stuff but like...

I try and touch you, I try to kiss you. I'm trying to do... all these things to make you feel good... and you're completely gone!

No!
Yes!

No, I'm...I'm there!

Ok, when was the last time you came?

Nothing... that has nothing to do with it.

Really?

I think that somewhere... deep down, you realize that all of a sudden... you're in this nice little committed relationship now... and... it pisses you off. And now you're punishing me.

Hey Jenny?
Yeah?

I have to tell you that this place... it looks amazing!

I'm telling you lady you did a phenomenal job ... like if my prom were this cool... I would've actually gone there.

Why? You didn't go to your prom?

There was this girl. Her name was Eva Torres...that night, we snuck off and we went to this p*rn festival...

I know...
For real?

So we go to this p*rn festival and she taught me how to !

That's like the coolest prom night!

I'm so jealous.

Why?
I mean, I went, but it sucked.

Did you go to prom?

No Shane didn't finish high school.

You didn't finish high school?
No...

It's alright...
Did you go?

Yeah, I did, I went with Buck Thornton.

Buck Thornton?
Yeah, he was the captain of the football team.

Yeah a total closet case.

Jenny?
What?

You can't do this!

What? Why?

It's totally disrespectful!

But it goes... inside the pants!

So, this is your opportunity to discuss... anything that may be going on with you.

Anything that's come up in your meditations.

It's ok to speak if you need to.

Are you experiencing any difficulties?

Any discomfort? Physical, spiritual?

Any difficulties with the silence?

Ok then.

This is Mikey and this is his dad Henry.

Thank you for letting them join our swimming lesson.

Yeah, thanks!
Hey.

Mikey was so disappointed when our only friends were the pool staff adolescents.

Well, we're happy to have you.

So, where do you and Mikey live, Henry?

Sherman Oaks. He lives there with me half the time and the other half with his mom in Valley Village.

Lucky you, Mikey.

Do you work in the Valley?

Ok everybody, let's get really wet now.

Watch me.

Venice, I'm a graphic designer.

Go Mama!

Why don't I get nice?
Thank you.

Alright, everybody ready?

Alright. One... two... three!

Maybe after you're finished you can give Angelica a ride.

If you don't mind. She loves being around men.

Sure, I'd love to.

Well, the big kids... everyone who's feeling confident...

Grap a floaty-thing.

Follow me. All you're gonna have to do is kicking.

Let's go guys!

Alright, just a moment.

Look at everybody swimming!

Hand over.

If you're ok with her...

I think I'll go make the kids some snacks.

I think we're ok.

You can go.

Ok.
Where's she going?

Where's mama?

There she goes. She'll be right back.

She'll be right back.

Abuela, te lo juro que si huberas conocido a Beny Moré?

Te casas con el.
A lo mejor.

I was just telling her that...if she had ever met Benny Moré... then she absolutely would have married him.

Who's he?

Oh my God, Shane. Who's Benny Moré?!

Only the best musician in the world!

Hey, he's the guy that you liked me to play everytime when...you know... back in the day...when I used to go down on you.

Carmen!

¿Donde esta mi cigarro?

Begone con pro mi cigarro.

Mom! ¿Donde esta los cigarros de abuela?

¡Acá dentro!

Oh wait. No, I can go.

They're up there.

Sure.

There you go.

Gracias.

You're welcome.

¡Che bonita tattoo!

Oh yeah! What do you think?

These are del cultura maya.

Ella también tiene.

Parecen anillos de matrimonio.

Erm... Shane.

Yeah?

Could you help me here?

Yeah.

Tomorrow night you and Carmen are coming to dinner?

Yeah I guess we can. Sure.

Oh you have to come.
There is someone I want you to meet.

Ok.

I don't know about you guys but... I'm certainly learning a lot.

I think it's amazing they're able do this.

Yeah, it's like whoever they feel like they are inside...

They can become it.
Yeah.

It's great that they can get what they want.

Yeah, I didn't know it was possible to go through life using gender neutral pronouns.

Do you know what I heard tonight?

Zee doesn't like my new genitals, so I told her to f*ck herself.

I asked Linda. The vag*na is a bonus hole.

Or... a cockpit!

Thanks.

Alice, you saw that!

Ok...

She's kinda cute, right?
Yeah.

Her name is Chandra.

Why don't you ask her out?

Well, she kinda...

She asked you out?

You should say yes.

I don't know...

I don't know, girls.

Alice, you need to get out.

Dana will be fine.

And now look at her. She's doing so good. She's just great.

Well, they start right about here and going out there.

On the other side too.

Mine's gonne like that too.
It starts here and goes half way...but I have another one that comes down like that.

So when did you know?

From the first moment I started growing breasts...

I knew I wanted them gone.

I even prayed to God for this chest.

I used to thank God for my boobs.

They were really nice.

Really?

Yeah.

Hmm...

Hey guys.

Hey Max!
How's it going?

I haven't had no dance yet.

Do you wanna get your kiss first?

Not really.

Anyway, Chandra has her eye on Alice.

It's the hair...
Yeah.

Chandra?

She just asked me for dinner. It's not a...

Dana, don't you think Alice should go on a date with Chandra?

Yeah. You should totally go out with her!

I wouldn't call it 'date'...

No, you should call it a date when you gotta call it a date.

Yeah...

Alice!

Alice, come on.

Have fun.

Hi.
Hi.

You know, I'm not gonna notice.
I know.

Excuse me.

Yeah, have fun Max.

Hi.

Hi.

Do you want me to draw up an appetizer?

Do you mind?

I'm sorry.

What're you doing?

Dancing?

Are you trying to embarrass me?

No!

You're my girlfriend!

This is my party!

You shouldn't be dancing with some other dude.

I can dance with whoever the f*ck I wanna dance with.

I wasn't sucking his f*cking cock, was I, Max?

Hey... don't hurt her or I'll f*cking cut your tits off.

Do you understand?

I'm not gonna touch her.

Jenny...

Look, I'm sorry.

I really am. It's just... when I saw you with that guy...

You know... it just got... just... I couldn't stand it.

When I realized that I might be gay...

I didn't rule out man.

But If I'm gonna be with a guy, I'm not gonna be with some aggressive macho male pig... who has different standards of behaviour from himself than he does for me.

You're right.

You're totally right.

I promise... I'm gonna try to be a better man.

Hello?

Hi?

Erm hello? Hi!

Yeah I had a nice time too.

Angelica had a lot of fun with Mikey.

Erm...

No, we're not doing anything tomorrow.

That would be lovely.

Sure!

Ok, I'll see you tomorrow.

Drink?

Yes. I'd love a drink!

What?

What??

Shane, what?

Oh I'm sorry... but I think your mom told me that... how when you were litte, you had this teddybear that you would...

Oh God...

Just tell me you didn't take a piss on it.

Really really cute. My mother is now sharing...

my personal stories with you. That's great.

I can't believe she invited you to dinner.

She invited us.

Yeah, and who's this person that she wants you to meet, anyway?

I don't know!

Carmen, I don't know!

Oh...

So you're like really close to my family now?

Right?

Well yeah...

Ok. That's good!

So you can be intimate with my family... but you can't be intimate with me!

Jesus Christ, Carmen!

What? Do you not like the fact that your family and I have...

taken to each other? Is that it?

I'm sorry.

You're right.

You're totally right. I'm sorry.

Look at me. I love the fact that...

my family and you have taken to each other.

Ok?

What does your... abuela think of our tattoos?

I don't know. She thinks It means that we're friends!

No, I heard something about wedding rings!

God, you're Spanish is getting good!

What can I say!

Wow.

Are they upset?

No, they just make up stories about us being friends... and that way they don't have to deal with it.

I'm thinking of taking Spanish lessons.

You do? Really?

Yeah.

That's great!

Oh thank you!

And...?

And...What?

And you said we would continue the conversation this morning...

and it's morning.

Ok...

You know that I love you?

And that is a good thing...

And I don't wanna be with anyone else in the whole wide world.

And even though I didn't think about this before... but, you know, this thing we have... I really believe it's gonna last.

Sweet! And...?

And I really wanna be with you.

So you'll marry me?

Well, I would marry you if I'd marry anyone.

What does that mean, Kit?

Well, my friends are gay and my sister is a lesbian...

No...!

I feel in my heart... until they can get married like we can and have the same rights that we have.

I don't wanna use the same system that excludes and discriminates against the very people I love the most!

That is why I want you to marry me.

Ok, we can just live together.

What? Wait a minute. We were just talking about getting married.

Now we talk about living together?

That's too much pressure.
That's too much to think about.

I can't... I...

I'm Mr Pressure, baby!

It's . dollars.

Wow, that's so much money!

It's crap money!

It wouldn't even pay for one tit!

Where were all your rich friends last night?

Where were all my rich friends?

Helena Peabody could've paid for my entire transition... what she pisses away in like a day!

I don't know you.

You're becoming a completely different person.

You don't understand!

No, I don't understand.

I really don't understand.

I'm not ok. I can't wait for years and years.

I'm totally freaking out! I'm not ok in this body!

And when you get the body you need... who's gonna live inside of it?

Is it gonna be that sweet kind compassionate gentle person that I met?

Or is it gonna be this m*therf*cking monster?

I love her. I really do.

I just can't explain it.

I... I just... I don't know...I...

Afraid that your feelings have changed?

That happens.

Or it can happen in straight relationships too.

It hurts just as much.

It's true, isn't it?

It took me nearly years to get her off the floor.

My ex-wife was already remarried and pregnant.

I don't that to be on the floor for the next years.

That's up to Bette.

Not you.

I want you to point this. Really close and... intimate.

Now I wanna get the eyes.

Like this.

And the mouth.

My God, you're so beautiful.

Say something to the camera.

Where did you say Danny was?

He's in Minneapolis, sh**ting.

But you did tell him...

Let's not talk about Danny.

Please.

Let's talk about something else.

What do you wanna talk about?

I don't know.

The project?

How can I talk about our project when I want you to f*ck me so badly.

You're saying I have to f*ck you before we can talk business?

Mmh.

You have to f*ck me before you can expect to get anything from me.

Tell me what you want then?

Give me that.

Give it to me.

Take your shirt off.

Take it off!

Unbutton your jeans.

No.

You're not going to get anything from me... unless you do exactly what I tell you.

Really?
Yeah.

You're gonna f*ck me.

And you're gonna love every second of it.

Tell me you want it.

Tell me!
I can't.

Tell me...

And here is the paella!

Pablo, tell Shane about your business.

She doesn't wanna know about that.
Shane is a very good hairdresser.

And she wants to know what good... what do you call...

Pimp?

Camen.
What?

I don't understand.

Oh no, that's what you're doing.
You're pimping out Shane. Go right ahead.

Carmen, let it go.

Erm... I own a carpet cleaning business, so... if you ever need the carpets clean at your... hairdessing salon. It's not a problem.

Thank you. We don't actually have carpets... at the salon, but... it sounds like a nice job, thank you.

It's very good, Shane. Good money!

Ok mom, stop! Just stop this right now!

Mama, let's get the next dish.

Abuela made her flan for desert.

No mom, I'm her girlfriend!

We live in the same house and we sleep in the same bed, mother.

Carmen, that's really not necessary.

Mama, please don't...

Get out! Both of you!
Get ouf of my house!

Get out!

Get up, let's go!
You're so selfish.

I'm the selfish one... when you all sit here and expect me to live out some sort of lie... so you can live comfortably. And you're calling me selfish?

You just could have waited.
Well obviously I couldn't.

Let's go.
Listen, we should talk to her.

No, she doesn't wanna talk.

So I call you later.

I just had this meeting with my business manager.

Sunday night?
Yeah well, I think I'm gonna be investing... some of my own money.
You know how much I believe in this project.

And in you.

What?
Nothing.

I'll talk to you later.

Well?
I think I got it.

You think?

I got it.
That's good.

Hi.
Hi.

I got you the complete Bogart and like the whole Johnnies collection.

So whatever you're in the mood for, ok?

Alright.
Alright.

No mistake in what you're in the mood tonight, is there?

What?
Huh?

Nothing.

Do you not want me to go on this date with Chandra?

What? No! I don't care. Why would I care? I don't care.

Well if you would care, I hope that you'd want me to have a good time.

I do want you to have a good time!
Have a good time, really.

Ok, 'cause I can stay and we can watch movies and I can call or...

Go. Go on your date. Have a good time!
I'm just...cranky.

I'm not feeling very good tonight. It's fine.

I think I should stay.
Alice...

Go on your date. It'll do you good to get away from me for a night, ok?

I don't have to get away from you.
That's not what this is about.

That's sweet. Please go.

Alice, I'm fine!

You're gonna be late, go!
I'm gonna be late.

But call me if you need anything.

I will, ok. I promise.

Have fun.

Al?
What? What?

Could you maybe get me a blanket?
I'm just... a little cold.

Yeah, sure.
That'd be great.

Thank you.
Is that good?

Yeah, it's better.
Better? Ok.

You'll call me if you need anything at all.
I will.

Have a good night.
Yeah you too. Have fun.

She's sound asleep.

She ate a lot of sand today.

She did, Mikey, she ate lots and lots of sand.
She had a really big day.

You ate sand too when you were a baby.

Now I know better.
Yes you do.

Alright, I want you to go wait in the car, ok? Be there in a minute.

That was really great.
Yeah, that was nice.

Why don't you and Mikey stay for dinner?

Ok.
Ok.

Note whether you are feeling calm or agitated...content or angry... without desire or filled with desire.

May I accept the things do not always go as I'd imagine...

Feelings come up that rouse my mind...
Become aware of your state of mind.

May I accept that things do not always go as I'd imagine...

May I accept that my hard time will certainly pass.

My I find a practise that helps me to know.

May I find the stillness...
May I know that my hard time will certainly pass.

May I find a practise that helps me to know.

May I find the stillness. May I find the quiet. My I find the result.

May I find the peace that helps to spell the suffering.

Dylan? Are you there?
It's me again.

Maybe you went out. I don't know.

Look, I finished my meeting and...

I don't know, call me. Maybe we can get together.
Ok bye.

Helena Peabody?
Yeah?

Are you Helena Peabody?
Yes.

This is for you, from Miss Dylan Moreland.

What is it?
Have a nice day.

Sexual harassment...

God...

You're kidding me... Oh, it's hilarious.

One of the best things about coming out with it, she couldn't handle... my boyfriends anymore.

Oh I don't know, I mean, my mother... she's straight as the day is long. She loves to hit on my girlfriends.

Mine still has no boundaries. My ex and I are renting a house... in the north of Spain, in this little town called Sices... my mother went ahead and bought a plane ticket.

Your ex and you?
No no no, believe me, we're so not getting back together.

We've been access for like years.

We take vacations together every spring.

So it's the weird lesbian blablabla...
Where we maintain deep intimate...sexless relationships with their past lovers.

I know all about it.

Speaking of exes.
Go ahead.

Hey Dana.

So you want me to come over after dinner, ok.
Alright, I'll see you soon.

Ok, see you soon, bye.

I think she's a little freaked out that I'm going out with you.

Does she wanna get back together?
That's a loaded question.

I don't know. It's kinda hard to tell... with everything she's going through.

Sorry.

Hi Dana.

Ok, I'll be right there. I'm leaving right now.

I...
It's ok. I understand.

I'm so sorry... I'm sure she's fine. She just sounds really scared.

It's fine. I'll take care of the check.
No...I...

It's fine, ok?
I'm so sorry, so so sorry about this.

Maybe I'll get a rain check.
Ok.

Thanks.
No problem.

Thanks for understanding.

I'll call you soon.
Ok.

Bye.
Bye.

Dana?

Dana?

Oh my God, what's going on?
I feel really sick, Al.

Oh my God, you're burning up.
Have you taken your temperature?

No.
God...

My ears hurt. I'm so... cold, freezing.

What can I do for you? What am I supposed to do?

Call the doctor.
Ok.

Shh, just calm down, ok?

Hello?

You could've waited, Carmen.
You could at least told me... before you threw it on them like that.
You know what? I didn't exactly plan that, Shane.

Besides it was her fault anyway!
Oh really?

Yes.
Really...?

That poor woman is in denial.
Don't you think that's hard enough?

I'll tell you what's hard, Shane.
What's hard is watching your mother trying...to set up your girlfriend with some dickhead from the carpet cleaning...
Please... please!!

What? You know what, I don't f*cking get you. It's like one minute you're my girlfriend. You're on my side, you love me... and in the next minute... I don't wanna lose your family!

Ok? I don't want them to hate me!

I think it'd be really f*cked up if they sat there...and they blame me for this which I'm so sure they already have.

What do you know about family?

That's nice.
Shane...

No, it is. That's really... f*cking nice of you. Thanks for enlightening me.

What?

Al?

Ok, alright. Ok, we'll be right there.

Goodbye.

Dana's in the hospital.
What hapened?

The chemo's breaking down her immune system and she has an infection.

They're sound asleep.
Good.

No, no, no...

That's not what I want.

Hello Angelica, it's your Mama B calling.
I just wanted to call you to tell you that I love you.

And I miss you. I just can't stand this anymore.
I'm supposed to be on this silent retreatment.

Everything just seems so loud. My loneliness is just so loud and I can't stand it.

I just wanna come home. I want my art. I want my books. I want my things. I want my house.

I just wanna be able to kiss you goodnight.

I want my life back.

I want. I want I want...

Alice?
Dana I'm right here. Everything's gonna be ok.

They're just gonna do some tests.
Please don't go.

No, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.

You're gonna keep her in the hospital over night?
Yes, stay here, please...

I'll answer to your questions later.

Alice...
Dana, I'm gonna be right here waiting.

I'm not going anywhere, ok? I'm right here...