01x02 - Sex, Lies and Alibis

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Pretty Little Liars: The Perfectionists"

(male # ) What brings you to Oregon?

I'm joining the faculty at BHU.

(Alison) I thought it was hard when I was a teenager

but it's nothing compared to the pressure

these students are under.

I really hope that I can connect

with these kids.

I think I can help them.

[gasping]

- Mona?
- I brought pie.

- 'What's that?'
- That's Beacon Guard.

The school security system.

It's made BHU the safest campus in Oregon.

Nolan Hotchkiss. He's super smart.

But he doesn't belong here.

(Mona) By my calculations, he could be dangerous.

My mother is gonna say to you that you're here because you remind me of my sister.

It's more than that.

Why do they do everything you ask them to do?

I don't care if you keep seeing your rocket scientist.

To the rest of the world, you and I are still a perfect couple.

Have the authorities found your dad?

A man smart enough to embezzle millions of dollars from his clients isn't going to be found.

Oh, Dylan, same arrangement as last year.

You'll do the papers for Ava and me.

I'm done with Nolan, and I want to stop what he's doing to us.

We could k*ll him.

Thorne Hall. We push him off the roof.

Yeah, but that's just a fantasy.

It's Nolan Hotchkiss.

He's dead.

What the hell just happened? Was this our fault?

Answer me. Dammit!

[instrumental music]

[indistinct radio chatter]

[instrumental music]

[sirens wailing]

[sobbing]

[sobbing continues]

Hey, Ava.

- Ava.
- Don't.

That's exactly how you imagined it.

I-I-I know how this looks, but..

(man on speaker) 'We need all students to return to their dormitories.'

Let us walk you back.

Can we just go somewhere to talk, please?

(Caitlin) 'Ava.'

I can't.

[music continues]

♪ If I show you then I know you ♪

♪ Won't tell what I said ♪

♪ 'Cause two can keep a secret ♪

♪ If one of them is dead ♪

[instrumental music]

♪ Thought I found a way out ♪
♪ Found ♪

♪ But you never go away ♪

(Nolan) Ava, you're gonna be somebody.

I respect that.

♪ Some day I'll make it ♪

I know that you believe in me.

♪ Need a place to hide ♪

♪ But I can't.. ♪

[crying]

♪ Wanna feel alive ♪

♪ Outside I can't fight ♪

♪ My fear ♪

♪ Isn't it lovely? ♪♪

(Nolan) I've seen the way you look at me when you think

I'm not watching.

(Dylan) I thought that you and I were just friends.

(Nolan) No..

(Nolan) I want you to kiss me.

I want you to kiss me.

[gasping]

- 'Another nightmare?'
- Yeah.

It's getting to the point where I'd rather not go to sleep.

I wish I could help.

Oh, you do help just by being here.

[chuckles]

- Thank you.
- Yeah.

I get why they canceled classes for three days but if we could just get back to some kind of normal

I think we'd all be better off.

Yeah, well, leave it to Nolan to haunt us in life and death, right?

How did he haunt you in life?

You said you did his work as you were friends.

Yeah, I don't know why I said that.

Lack of sleep, probably.

Maybe after the funeral tomorrow it will be easier to move on.

Can we just talk about anything other than... Nolan?

Please?

Well, it's our last day of no classes.

- Hmm.
- No homework.

- Mm-hmm.
- No practicing.

- Mm-hmm.
- No reason to get out of bed.

Why are you on top of the covers instead of underneath with me?

[both laughing]

[instrumental music]

- Want a bite?
- No.

I mean, yes. But no!

I asked you to not offer me your food.

Coming from a place of love here, I don't think this no bread thing is working for you.

Of course it is, I've never been more focused on getting into shape for track.

[scoffs] Oh, wait.
It's a cop. It's a cop.

[engine revving]

- Tater tots?
- Stop it.

Or you'll be eating your tots alone at your desk.

Maybe this sudden ultra-fitness focus you have isn't about track.

Maybe it's about the -pound elephant in the room.

Gorilla.

You know, it's either like the elephant in the room or the -pound gorilla.

No-no-no, you're just, you're just trying to distract me but I think we really need to talk about...

Nolan.

It's okay if you're relieved that he's dead.

You can admit that to me.

No one else has to know.

I am relieved.

And I, I hear all that sounds and I feel terrible for thinking that way.

Nolan threatened to blow up your family if you didn't pretend to be his perfect girlfriend.

And he knew how much your moms mean to you.

I don't feel bad about the fact that you don't have to worry about him anymore.

That's why I'm focusing on getting into the best shape of my life.

Well, you know, you can be distracted by more than one thing.

Are you crazy? What if somebody sees us?

Well, it's not going to be Nolan.

You are terrible.

I love you for it.

[instrumental music]

- Get these tots out of the way.
- Sorry, my tater tots.

[music continues]

I'm telling you, somebody came into my house and without my permission fixed a tear in my wallpaper.

So if that wasn't your department, who would that be?

(man on phone) 'All home repairs fall under my jurisdiction.'

- 'Like I said... '
- There is no record.

(man on phone) 'Is there anything else I can help you with?'

Well, you haven't helped me at all but yeah, I need a request to repair.

[phone beeps]

- [dramatic music]

- Hey.
- Hi.

- Cream?
- Oh, no. Just sugar.

Few packs of the real stuff and one pink.

Why not just four sugars?

Three sugars is still considered a couple.

You know, like, I'll take a couple of sugars.

But then when you ask for four, they give you the look like you're gonna steal their sugar and put it in your bag.

Got it.

- What?
- Nothing.

No, what?

I just didn't know that you're kind of... quirky.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm logical.

I mean, at least sometimes overly so.

Look, as much time as we've spent together you know, as Nolan's fake friends..

We really don't know much about each other.

Yeah, I mean, except for the obvious.

You know, you're a brilliant cellist.

Even you've somehow managed to do it all.

Student government. Track.

- Debate. Academics.
- Yes. Yeah.

You can read all that in the yearbook.

No, but that's my point, is that, that's that's all we knew about each other is our bios.

That's how Nolan wanted it, you know?

It wasn't really our choice, 'cause it was always about him.

He never wanted us to be real friends.

I guess it would've put us in a position of power..

Because we stood up to him.

- Yeah.
- 'No way, look.'

- It's Nolan.
- That's Nolan.

(female # ) Oh, my God.

[gasping]

Oh, my God.

- [indistinct chatter]
- _

- 'Hey, what are they saying?'
- 'Uh, I don't know.'

Dylan, are we gonna pretend like our conversation in the woods didn't happen?

But that's all it was, right, as a conversation?

- 'They're sure it's homicide.'
- 'What?'

We need to call Ava immediately.

- Uh, anything?
- No. Straight to voicemail.

Look, the funeral's tomorrow, alright?

We can't have it looking like...

He wasn't your best friend and my perfect boyfriend.

And we're actually relieved he's gone.

He's just gone.

m*rder*d.

That text was from you, right?

You're Nolan?

Mona?

[Mona humming]

Have you been holed up in here since Nolan's death?

I'm the reason he's dead.

Uh, did-did you..

Were you on the roof that night? Did you push him?

Jesus, Alison!

What kind of person do you think I am?

Well..

Why are you here?

Can you look at me, please?

"Meet me on the roof of Thorne Hall. I need your help."

Nolan thought he was meeting you that night?

I literally just got that text from the dead guy whose body we just saw while he was dead.

I thought somebody is maybe messing with me.. A like.

Now, the text was sent before he d*ed.

It must've been a network malfunction.

You know how this looks, right?

Like you k*lled him.

[humming]

♪ The wall ♪

♪ Closin' in ♪

(Ava) I can get past this if you just talk to me.

Get a grip, Ava.

Desperate's not a good look on you.

♪ I've tried to cry ♪

♪ 'Cause maybe I did ♪

♪ And I can hold onto somethin' ♪

♪ Hold on hold on hold on ♪

- ♪ Till this all ends ♪

♪ I'm so numb to the feeling ♪

♪ Numb to the desire ♪

♪ My mind is on fire ♪

♪ But I can't feel ♪

♪ Anything anymore ♪

♪ Numb to the feeling ♪

♪ Numb to the desire ♪

♪ I'm caught up in the fire ♪

♪ But I can't feel ♪

♪ Anything anymore ♪♪

If you find out where she is, just give me a call, please?

- Okay.
- Who you're looking for?

Ava. I just wanted to make sure she's okay.

Does anyone else know you were doing Nolan's work for him?

- Heard the news?
- Yeah. He was m*rder*d.

And... this paper you wrote, the one with your name on it lays out a convincing case about how m*rder is justified if it's the only way to end someone's hostile grip on you.

Is that why you were writing his papers?

Did Nolan have something on you?

Something you don't want to tell me?

Look, as an out gay kid, in a small town..

I didn't have a single person to stand up for me, alright?

Not one person.

The paper is not about Nolan, it's about those jerks who got off on making me feel like there was something wrong with me.

Is that why you need to be so perfect when you play?

To prove them wrong.

Maybe.

Your argument for capital punishment is convincing, but that was the assignment.

What are you worried about?

Why? Why did you want me to read this?

I had a conversation with my teacher, Ms. DiLaurentis and she was intuitive enough to recognize that I wrote the paper about Nolan.

I denied it, but she knows.

But you didn't do anything wrong. Why are you so upset?

'He was m*rder*d, Jeremy.'

My life has been a lie this past year.

You know, I mean, sneaking around with you.

Covering for Nolan.

I thought it was over, but it's not.

And we have to keep pretending like we're not together and that's not right.

I mean, you deserve a real girlfriend..

Who you can go out on real dates with and not just car dates.

Cait, turn right up here.

- Why?
- Please.

[engine revving]

Give me a minute?

[instrumental music]

[crickets chirping]

Sit right here.

[keypad beeping]

- [music on car stereo]

If you think you can calm me down by playing our song then..

You're right.

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Wait wait in the afterlife of paradise ♪

♪ And it follows me ♪

♪ It follows me ♪

♪ In the afterlife of.. ♪♪

[papers rustling]

[door opens]

I brought food.

I'm the reason Nolan's dead because..

He never belonged here.

It was his personality traits.

My algorithm red flagged him.

- Because he was dangerous?
- 'No.'

He was flagged as someone who could push another student to the point of snapping.

So by looking the other way and not telling Mrs. Hotchkiss

the truth about her son, I created a k*ller.

So you're using your code to figure out who snapped?

Listen, I appreciate that you feel responsible for Nolan's death, but can we focus on me for a second?

'I feel like I'm back on the hamster wheel.'

Like I'm back in Rosewood.

Okay, the vertex degrees are four, three, three, two and three...

I brought pie.

Did you hear me? I brought pie. Key lime.

The guy at the bakery said it's one of your favorites.

Doesn't make sense.

I need you to snap out of it.

The total sum of the vertex..

I'm sorry I did that. But...

You brought pie?

[chuckles] Key lime's my favorite.

Listen, I don't know how long I have until you slip back into your beautiful mind but I need you.

I should tell the police, right?

I should tell them that the text was delayed and I didn't see it until today.

No offense. But when did you become such a wuss?

For a second you reminded me of the Alison I used to know.

The one who ruled her world because she played by her own rules.

This is my fresh start. Remember?

I'm supposed to make a habit of what's right not what's wrong.

I get that you're trying to fake it till you make it but that Pollyanna suit you're wearing it's never gonna fit.

It's always gonna cling to you like some ' s

Halloween costume ready to combust as soon as you get near an open flame.

Hmm. Ready for a slice?

[instrumental music]

[dramatic music]

[door creaks]

What the hell?

- Are you crazy?
- Sorry.

Look, we didn't k*ll Nolan. Okay?

We need you to understand that tonight.

How did you get in here?

You haven't left your room in days.

It wasn't hard to convince the RA to let us in.

Yeah, we just said that your friends were concerned about you.

We are not friends.

Excuse me.

Look, why don't I make you some coffee.

Why don't you tell me why you're here?

Okay. We know how this looks.

But our conversation in the woods about Nolan before he d*ed...

You mean, before he was m*rder*d?

Did I wish for him to go away? Yes.

But I didn't make that happen.

- We all talked about it.
- Yeah.

We were walking home, and we heard the sirens that-that-that's why we went back.

We heard the sirens.

We don't know each other well enough to trust each other.

But... we need each other.

(Caitlin) 'Dylan is right, okay?'

We have to be Nolan's perfect posse at his funeral.

Now, that's golden.

You want me to hold your hand while you pretend to be his grieving widow.

Yes. Ava, please.

Do you hear yourself?

I loved him.

(Dylan) 'Look, we get that it's a lot to ask, alright?'

But until they figure out who really k*lled Nolan everybody at BHU is a suspect. Everybody.

Even though we didn't do it, we all have secrets 'that make us look guilty.'

And we can't risk having the cops digging around our business right now.

We just have to... lay low and just keep playing our roles.

Right, unless you're that one person who has nothing to hide.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Oh, Caitlin.

Mmm. Hm.

You should sit up front.

That's what, uh, Nolan would have wanted.

[indistinct chatter]

[music continues]

[man coughing]

[music continues]

Tell me you didn't show that text to the cops.

I haven't talked to anyone about it, but you.

Perfect.

Turns out, there was partial Beacon Guard blackout about the time of Nolan's m*rder.

A handful of cameras went out including the ones near your house.

Probably, your cell service too.

That would explain the Nolan text delay.

Bottom line, no one can prove you weren't at your house that night.

So I don't have an alibi.
But I don't not have an alibi.

Anyone who says they were at your house that night is safe for now.

[cell phones buzzing]

It's from Ms. DiLaurentis.

She's around. Who want to talk?

Yeah, she's left me, like, a thousand messages.

She called me, but..

Yeah, I never called her back either.

[music continues]

I'm sorry.

- Mrs. H., I'm so sorry.
- Thank you, Mason.

I know you and Nolan weren't that close this year but, you know, childhood friends are friends for life.

(male # ) 'Could everyone please take your seats?'

[instrumental music]

[sniffles]

Is it just me or does Mason look a little too sad?

The Lord is my shepherd.

'I shall not want.'

'He maketh me to lie down in green pastures.'

'He leadeth me through still waters.'

'He restoreth my soul.'

[indistinct chatter]

[birds chirping]

[instrumental music]

Dana Booker, you are even more of a low-life than I thought.

I can't believe you'd take advantage of my grief to grill me one more time.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Ava.

But you should know, I'm no longer with the FBI.

- Excuse me.
- Is everything okay?

Things are far from okay.
A student was m*rder*d.

But rest assured, as BHU's new head of security

I will find out who k*lled Nolan Hotchkiss.

And I promise, they will be brought to justice.

[dramatic music]

I can't believe that bitch is in Beacon Heights.

- Who is she?
- 'Dana Booker.'

She's one of the FBI agents on my dad's case.

[chuckles] She thinks I know where he is.

- Well, do you?
- No.

Why leave the FBI to become a school cop?

Well, it's not just any school. This is BHU.

And if Mrs. Hotchkiss empowered her to do whatever it takes to find Nolan's k*ller she's going to get off on bending all the rules.

'None of us are safe.'

'She'll use whatever she can against us.'

- 'You mean our secrets?'
- Great.

(Caitlin) 'Yeah, she'll have access to everything.'

Nolan's phone. His computer.

I really hope our secrets had d*ed with Nolan.

Nolan was smart, alright?

He wouldn't make it easy for his mom to find out that he was..

Blackmailing people.

I know where he kept his weed.

Maybe that's where he kept the stash of your secrets.

We could break away from the wake tonight.

Look in the green house where Claire used to grow her roses with Taylor.

'She doesn't really go there anymore.'

It's behind a broken cinder block.

Uh, Ava, you're not coming with us?

Well, they're your secrets. Not mine.

[sighs] Why me? I mean, why would Nolan trust me?

Well, you said it yourself.

You came here to help these kids and he believed you.

Or somebody's trying to frame me for his m*rder.

Well, that is a possibility.

- Wanna stay for pie?
- No, Mona, uh..

Classes resume tomorrow and in spite of everything

I really need to be prepared.

Oh. Yeah.

- Are you going to be okay?
- Sure. Why wouldn't I be?

I know in the past we've been more frenemies than friends.

But... I want you to know that I...

Are you trying to say that you care about me?

[chuckles] Sort of.

I know how easy it is for you to go down the rabbit hole and not come back.

So, I need you to stay connected to reality and to people.

I have a life, Alison.

I play chess every night with the most brilliant opponent I could ever ask for.

(Alison) That's great.

Who is the guy... or girl?

I don't know.

It's an anonymous game I play

through an online campus chess club.

I'd offer to play with you in person, but...

You'd lose.

Okay, Mona. Have a good night.

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

(Dylan) 'God! It feels good to breathe.'

[exhales]

- You okay?
- 'The air was heavy in there.'

And, I mean, it felt like I was being buried alive one shovel full of dirt at a time.

The buffet was a welcome distraction.

Did you try the shrimp?

How do you eat when people are so sad?

Grief and food go together like Beyonce and Jay-Z.

You should read, "Death
Warmed Over" by Lisa Rogak.

It's a great book about funeral foods and-and customs from around the world.

Okay, I will put it on my summer reading list.

Now can we go find Nolan's stash?

[twig creaks]

sh*t! Your ex is here.

Mason, hi.

Hi, Cait.

- How you holdin' up?
- Um, everyday is a challenge.

Yeah, don't know how to stop thinkin' about him.

Well, tried the shrimp?

Uh, can we just hang out for a little bit?

No, not as two people who dated. Just, just friends.

Uh, if you want to check out the view without me,

I'll catch up.

Yeah, alright.

I'll see you guys later.

I just can't imagine a future without Nolan.

He found a way to push us all to our limits.

I mean, that wasn't always a good thing.

When we were together you didn't seem thrilled to be his number two.

Yeah, Nolan was always going to be number one in everything he did, you know?

You and I both know that.

I've learnt to accept it.

I don't know if I could be that big of a person.

I'm way to competitive, you know?

You? You're competitive?

- I never would have guessed.
- Okay.

[door creaking]

You loved to win more than most. I do remember that.

But I also remember that you got a big heart.

You always found a way to make me feel special.

So if there is anything that you need please let me know, okay?

- Thanks, Mason.
- No, I mean it, Cait.

Anything.

If you need an alibi for where you were that night

I will back you up.

Um, why-why would I need an alibi?

We all do..

Until they figure out who k*lled him.

[dramatic music]

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ I've waited so long ♪

♪ For somethin' sweet like this ♪

♪ It's where I belong ♪

♪ Beside you in blinding bliss ♪♪

Oh, you guys are really going all out with this grief show.

I take it you didn't find Nolan's stash?

Yeah with somebody b*at us to it, alright?

And they knew that we were coming.

Now we have no secrets.

No shirt, no shoes, no service.

- Ava, are you drunk again?
- I don't know.

Have you been plotting any murders lately?

Listen, someone b*at us to Nolan's stash..

So, you better pray that he had nothing on you.

Because if he did, you're about as screwed as we are.

(male # ) 'It's just like you imagined it.'

[intense music]

What?

- Did you guys hear that?
- Who said that?

Ah.. Ah.

- 'What are we looking for?'
- 'Someone heard us that night.'

(Caitlin) 'Maybe they left something behind.'

They heard us talking about Nolan.

About how we wished he was dead.

And they k*lled him just like we imagined it.

To make it look like it was us.

[twig snaps]

[rustling]

[exhales]

Wow. Paranoid much?

[intense music]

We were definitely not alone that night.

What is it?

- Gum wrappers?
- Great.

So we can rule out students with braces.

It's fantastic, Dylan, thank you.

We're on a roll.

Were you always this negative and I just didn't realize?

Paint me dark, Dylan.

I really don't care.

I don't care about you.

Or about you.

Or about anything.

Really, right now, honestly, I don't even know what I'm doing out here.

No, no. Wait, wait, wait.

I'm sorry.

Look, I get that this is harder on you than it is for us.

I just can't believe he's gone.

We know, Ava.

If we can just stick together...

There's no sticking together, Dylan.

You've got Andrew.

And you've got your family.

And I've got..

Me.

[music continues]

It's just the way it is.

Can I help you with something?

These girls are adorable, are they your daughters?

Oh, I recognize you from the funeral.

I'm Dana Booker.

Alison DiLaurentis, I'm...

New TA, in the Lit Department.

You took over Taylor's class.

Are you a friend of the Hotchkiss family?

I'm the new head of security for BHU.

I guess you picked the wrong week to start a new job.

Or the right one.

[chuckles] Yeah, um, if you'll excuse me, I have to get ready for class tomorrow.

Sorry to interrupt the flow of knowledge.

Sorry again, I knew there was a reason

I wanted to talk to you, I just got sidetracked by your gorgeous girls.

Was it Officer Booker?

- Should I call you "Officer?"
- No, you can call me Dana.

Now, your students recently wrote papers on Agatha Christie's novel, "And Then There Were None."

That's right.

If I remember correctly the story is about m*rder

and whether or not it can be justified.

Apropos of the times when you say maybe even inspirational.

I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

But Nolan was in your class.

I'd like to read those papers.

- Do you have a search warrant?
- I don't need one.

Read the fine print in your faculty handbook.

You signed yours, by the way, I checked.

[both chuckle]

I have those files on my desktop.

No worries, I know where to find you.

Good luck tomorrow.

[intense music]

[cell phone rings]

(Dylan on voicemail) 'Hey, Eva, uh, it's Dylan.'

'I was thinkin' about what you said tonight'

'and, um, if you want anybody to, you know'

'talk to or whatever, I'm in all night.'

'So, call me... if you want.'

[beeps]

(Caitlin on voicemail) 'Hey, Eva. It's, uh, Caitlin.'

'I know this is a little weird'

'but just wanted to say'

'that I'm-I'm here for you if you need anything.'

'If you don't wanna be alone.'

'Okay. Bye.'

[music continues]

[sobbing]

[door closes]

[crickets chirping]

[gasps]

Oh, hi, Alison, I hope this isn't a bad time.

[exhales]

I know it's inappropriate for me to be here, but, u-um..

This was my daughter's house before she went missing.

Before she took her life.

I didn't get to speak to you at the funeral.

I'm so sorry, Mrs. Hotchkiss.

I'm getting drunk in your living room, Alison.

You can call me Claire.

Drink?

Okay.

Taylor loved this house.

I suppose that's what brought me here tonight to feel closer to her.

Oh, and we should've had that painted over before they installed the wallpaper.

Did Taylor write that?

[stammers]

[chuckles] When my daughter was younger she was so put together.

Everything came easy for her.

Sports, grades, love.

And then something changed when she started teaching.

She became paranoid and... sometimes delusional.

I suspected she didn't like her job but she didn't wanna disappoint me.

And I, I tried to get her help.

But she didn't trust me.

She didn't trust anyone, not even Nolan.

Were they close?

They learnt very early two against one were good odds.

[chuckles] And they stuck together like glue.

When either one of them got in trouble neither would ever turn on the other.

And I pretended like it bothered me but I was proud of them.

Made me happy to know that when I was gone, they would have each other.

What do they say..

"People plan and God laughs."

Yeah.

Is there anything I can do for you?

Don't waste your time here pretending to be something you're not.

If you really did come here to help our students you need to be yourself.

You're a survivor, Alison.

At all costs.

And that's what you need to teach them.

[music continues]

[device beeping]

Hi!

Hi, I'm so glad you picked up.

No, I'm fine, I ju...

Just needed to hear a friend's voice.

How are you? How's Caleb?

How's the baby?

Wait, Hannah, back up.

Wait, what do you mean Spencer and Toby eloped?

[chuckles]

Even you didn't know?

Oh, wow!

Well, are they registered somewhere?

Of course, I wanna get them a gift!

[exhales] It is so good to hear your voice too.

I really miss you.

[indistinct chatter]

[cell phones vibrate]

- [instrumental music]

(Alison) 'I just want you guys to know that, uh' my door's always open..

[sneezes]

Sorry, it's not a cold, I promise.

Allergies.

Um, we're, we're in the middle of a class.

I thought this would be the best time to find 'a few of your students all together.'

Uh, can I borrow Ava Jalali..

Dylan Walker, and Caitlin Park-Lewis.

[indistinct murmuring]

Isn't there a better time?

I wouldn't be here if there was but I'm investigating a m*rder.

[intense music]

(Dana) 'Sorry to pull you out of class.'

But I understand that three of you were close with Nolan.

And I just wanted to know where you were the night he was k*lled.

- Um..
- Um..

Oh, good, you're still here.

I never thanked you guys for staying late at my house last Thursday.

'They meant to just drop off a welcome basket' but I ended up monopolizing their entire night.

They were with you the night of the m*rder.

Don't get me started on Agatha Christie's decision 'to totally violate the rules of writing' 'by making it nearly impossible' for her readers to figure out the crime on their own.

I mean, you can ask the three of them.

They know from experience.

I can talk for hours.

You've convinced me to read the book again.

Seems I missed a few things the first time around.

♪ Oh there's no.. ♪

But I won't make that mistake again.

♪ For the wicked ♪

Bring it on, bitch.

[dramatic music]

♪ For the wicked ♪

♪ Ho ♪

♪ Ho-o-o ♪

♪ Ho ♪♪

[theme music]