03x07 - The Law of Inevitability

[bunniefuu]

(PANTING)

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

sh*t.

NARRATOR: (ON TV)

The millipede does possess glands that produce highly toxic chemicals.

The female millipede, sensing danger, emits her secret w*apon, cyanide.

Her attacker gasps its last breath.

(NARRATOR CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY)

(DIAL TONE)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

WOMAN: Housekeeping.

Mrs.

Curtis.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)

NIKKI: No!

No!

No!

No!

No!

- No!

No!

No!

No!

- Here.

(STRUGGLING)

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

(TENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

SY: Ah!

Speak of the devil.

Here's the headhunter himself, as promised.

- EMMIT: Sorry.

Sorry.

- SY: All right.

Told her you were - reviewing the court release.

- Huh?

- The - Oh.

Yeah.

So Is it Mrs.

Goldfarb, or - My friends call me Ruby.

- Ruby.

That's swell.

I could use a drink.

Anybody else?

We're drinking rose.

Old-fashioned on the rocks.

Sy tells me you're in self-storage.

Me and my late husband.

We started in mortuaries.

Ah, just another kind of storage, I suppose.

(SY LAUGHS)

That's what my Tovaldt used to say.

Both good businesses.

Steady.

Mmm.

Heck, maybe we should be buying you out.

- RUBY: Oh - Uh Well, now, Emmit I know, I know.

That's not the plan.

But Thanks.

Heck, you don't get where I am by sticking to the plan.

- RUBY: Hmm.

- To new friends.

New friends.

(TELEPHONE RINGING OUTSIDE)

- (BEEPING)

- (LOCK CLICKS)

He's dead, in case you couldn't tell.

Lady cop who printed you said you're a little tender.

Around the middle, maybe?

Got some bruises.

See, I'm a simple guy.

When it snows, I put on boots.

Sun comes out, I wear shades.

I see a girl like you and a guy like that, I think "Now, how's a working man with hillbilly hair and a beer belly "land Miss State Penitentiary 2010?" And then I get the record.

I see the girl has got 18 months' probation and the guy with his head half cut off was the shlub who signed the forms.

Now it starts to make sense.

I mean, stop me if I get it wrong, if this wasn't some kind of tit-for-tat handjob-gets-you-work-release program If it was, whatever.

Love story of the century.

No?

That's what I thought.

See?

Simple things.

Cause and effect, crime and punishment.

Mash a potato, you know what you get?

Mashed potatoes.

I want a lawyer.

Yeah?

Well, that's a mistake.

Think it through.

The evidence, shared domicile, you, a known felon, spinning a web of lies.

History of domestic v*olence with a beer-drinking loser.

You don't have to be a mathematician to add two plus two.

No.

Your best bet?

Tearjerker.

What a monster he was.

How he b*at you every night where it wouldn't show.

(INHALES SHARPLY)

Okay.

We're done.

I'll leave the picture, in case you're the type of girl who likes to take pride in her work.

- (BEEPING)

- (DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

This can't be good, right?

Should I start, or - Is she mine?

- No, you got the other one.

Okay, here's what's gonna happen.

St.

Cloud Homicide's gonna handle this case, and you're both gonna go back to What'd you do?

Traffic enforcement.

- Traffic enforcement.

- Yes, sir.

Gloria Burgle, Chief of the Eden Valley police.

For about another week.

Eight days, yes, sir, including Christmas, which, you might be surprised to hear, is a pretty busy day for misdemeanor infractions in Eden Valley, mostly surrounding too much eggnog and a Class C motor vehicle.

Is she kidding?

She likes to think she's a smart one.

Anyhoo, given the preciousness of time, I'd like to talk to the suspect, Nikki Swango, preferably right now.

I just talked to her.

Which, I'm sure, was enlightening for her, but without all the proper nuance.

See, I got a paper grid that lays out all the inter-related parties delineating their personal and professional relationship to the murders.

It's a substantial document.

"Murders," plural?

- No.

- Yes, sir.

Three so far.

The first victim being Ennis Stussy of Eden Valley, which, again, is my purview.

Ennis, a green grocer, was suffocated by Maurice LeFay, a, last I checked, resident of St.

Cloud and repeat offender who was on probation under the supervision of Ray Stussy, our current victim.

Maurice LeFay, in case you were wondering, also d*ed under mysterious circumstances, making him victim number three.

Allegedly.

And at the heart of the case is what we believe to be a rivalry between Ray Stussy and his brother, Emmit, the parking lot king of Minnesota.

I know who Emmit Stussy is.

Then you can understand how a rich man like that, pillar of the community, might be targeted by his younger, less successful brother.

A brother with possibly shaky morals and access to wily criminal elements.

Unfortunately, Ray's plan, as far as I can tell, went off the rails, resulting in the death of my random Stussy and the reason I'm sitting here today.

Only an intellectual could believe something so stupid.

Well, sirs, as you'll see if you try working the angles, the alternatives make even less sense.

Especially given the new victim Uh Get back to traffic enforcement.

Yes, sir.

And you, I got no jurisdiction over you, but this is St.

Cloud Metro's case now.

So, if we need you or your grid, we'll give you a holler.

- Sir - MOE: You're dismissed.

Wait for me outside.

I guess that's it then.

We need to find Emmit.

Try his office or at home.

Tell him Ray d*ed under suspicious circumstance, Gauge his reaction.

- Are you sure?

That's - I'm gonna brace the girlfriend, try to get some answers.

Go.

Either you're on vacation till the handover, take some time to grieve, be with your family, merry Christmas, all that, or start looking for another job.

Happy holidays, sir.

That's what I thought.

Whoo!

I tell ya, they got me running six different directions today.

- How you doing?

- Form.

Yeah, I'm supposed to talk to Swango, looks like, Nikki.

Form.

I don't Nobody told me I needed a Is that an (CLEARS THROAT)

interview request form, or It's the blue one.

See the shift sergeant.

One floor up.

You know, is there any way?

I was supposed to be out of here an hour ago, Christmas Eve and all that.

My boy at home.

He's 12.

I think I got a picture here somewhere.

One flight up, you said?

All right.

- (CELL PHONE BEEPING)

- Nope.

(SCOFFS)

Nope.

Oh, maybe.

(SCOFFS)

Yeah, right, Donny, like you got a chance there.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Yeah, Eden Valley Police.

What can I Oh, yeah?

Jeez.

Did they take anything, or you just think it's vandalism?

Okay, hang tight.

There in a jiff.

(GRUNTS SOFTLY)

Ah, God dang it!

f*ring on all cylinders today, Mashman.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Hello?

Uh, sir?

- You're not supposed to be in here.

- Shh.

Uh, you can't be in here, sir.

Library is closed.

(CHUCKLES)

You're here.

Well, sir, I work here, so that's I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Sir?

You're gonna have to leave.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

I just did.

What?

You asked, then I left.

I'm not here.

Well, that's I see you.

You think you see me.

But your eyes are lying.

That's Sir, in another three minutes, we're gonna have a real (EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

You should think of what you're doing.

Man, alone, in a room full of books, talking to himself.

In my country we call such people bezumets.

Or maybe you think I'm your conscience.

How's that story, the Ghost of Christmas Past?

I You came back for a reason, I'm thinking.

The g*n.

It's there on the counter.

Pick it up, your g*n.

Now go.

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

(MAN LAUGHING)

You don't seem like a guy who's ready to retire.

Well, you know, Sy thinks it's time.

(LAUGHS)

That's funny.

- He said that you - No.

W-We're both We're both ready.

That's We agreed this was the way to Quit while we're ahead.

What's the saying?

"If you love something, let it go.

" "If it comes back, it's yours.

" EMMIT: "If it doesn't, hunt it down and k*ll it.

" Is the version I heard.

(CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY)

You can see why I'm usually the negotiator.

There's something You've got a Oh.

That's just Must be some red wine from lunch.

Mmm.

Any more questions on the business?

Projections?

No, it was real thorough, your presentation.

My front office guy took a look at your numbers and he said your books really sing.

Mmm.

Well then, I say we call it a night.

And I'll get our attorney started on the paperwork.

Sy said your husband d*ed.

- SY: That's not We don't need to - That's okay.

No.

My Tovaldt, it'll be a year in May, he passed.

- Do you have a Oh.

- EMMIT: Stella.

Twenty-five years.

She left last week.

Sex tape.

- (SY CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

That's - Not a real one, of course.

I mean, it was a real sex tape, just not my, you know Forgery, to the end of securing a payout which You know, that's the price of it, I guess, being rich.

- I don't know.

- Enemies, I'm saying.

Not at first.

First come the well-wishers with their fake smiles.

Then the richer you get, here come the deadbeats with their hands out You know, it's getting pretty late.

And then the jackals, laughing in the dark, trying to pick the meat off your bones.

Check, please!

Money is a blessing and a curse.

No, don't blame money.

It's people.

Mmm.

Sore losers making up stories how we're villains, the dreamers, the hard workers, in the office before dawn, toiling, saving, like Ebenezer Scrooge and the like.

- Have you heard of the vile maxim?

- No.

"All for ourselves and nothing for other people "is the vile maxim of the masters of mankind.

" You think a rich man wrote that?

No, it was the others.

The grubby hands outside the glass, trying to get in, - putting their filthy peckers - What the Christ?

This is bordering on harassment now.

What's happening?

Uh, nothing.

Just a misunderstanding.

Excuse me for a moment.

(LOW-FREQUENCY HUMMING)

(MUFFLED)

You remind me a little of my husband.

You two would've gotten along really well.

- Sir.

- It's Ray.

- Mr.

Stussy, your brother - (HUMMING STOPS)

I've been here since 6:00.

Huh?

Just been sitting here all night, gabbing.

Sy'll tell you.

Business.

Or more social I guess, I had a few drinks.

Yes, sir.

I'm sorry to say your brother, I'm afraid, he's deceased.

We found his body earlier this evening.

Raymond.

Yes, sir, I'm sorry for your loss.

It's that girlfriend, the criminal.

You should bring her in, put the cuffs on.

If anyone had motive Motive for what, sir?

I never said We're upset.

Alcohol's been shared I just meant if Are you saying he had a heart att*ck?

Uh No, sir, we're thinking foul play.

See?

I told you that girl was no good.

Some kind of a black widow, using my brother to get - Sir - (STAMMERS)

We're upset.

It's big news.

A beloved brother dying suddenly?

Any kind of statement you need from us, talk to Bruce Lipshitz at Green, Greene and Gruene.

If you don't mind me asking, Mr.

Stussy, when was the last time that you saw your brother?

Like I said, call Bruce Lipshitz We've been here all night.

Otherwise, thank you for the information.

We're devastated, obviously.

He was a real saint, Ray.

Troubled, but, you know, he meant well.

- He was my brother.

- I'm gonna take my friend home now.

(SOFTLY)

Yeah.

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense.

He was acting Kind of weird.

- Excuse me, ma'am.

- Hold on.

Officer Winnie Lopez, St.

Cloud Metro.

I'm wondering if you might have a minute to answer a few questions.

(CAR APPROACHING)

I'll call Kitson in the morning, assuming you wanna bury Ray in the family plot.

And I don't need to know where you I'll talk to the widow, circle back, in case the cops wanna You got there at 6:00, like you said.

You think this was him, Varga?

After what happened to Irv, trying to get to you, keep us from What's your angle here?

- My - Your angle.

You don't think it's funny, the timing?

Ray coming to the party, demanding money, him and his girl, with us in the black, and how he gained access to my safety deposit box?

- I don't - Not to mention things you said to me.

Accusations, you might say, about Ermentraub and who it was that urged caution as opposed to rushing in.

Blaming me, in other words.

I was thinking, maybe you and Ray What?

You and Ray.

Me and Ray?

Is that what he's telling you?

Varga?

- 'Cause that's just crazy.

- Is it?

You really think I'm (LAUGHS)

In the face of all logic, that somehow I decided, me, the partner in a multi-million dollar corporation, that I decided to what, turn on you?

Join forces with your leptard brother and his syphilitic floozy, so I could turn millions into thousands?

What's the math there?

I'm sorry.

I just No.

I know.

It's been a long The pressure I'm under Now this.

No, we both feel it.

Not knowing who to trust.

Me.

You can always trust me.

Which is why I'm more convinced now than ever, we gotta hit the eject button here on the whole Take the money and run.

- The widow Goldfarb.

- And I know you got reservations about selling and putting her in harm's way, a bystander, but I really think this is What choice do we have?

We're fighting for our lives here.

Meat from the bones.

You want me to call Stella?

I'm sure, given the circumstances, maybe this leads to reconciliation.

No, I just want to be alone right now.

Anything you need, day or night (DOOR CLOSES)

(SIGHS)

(EERIE MUSIC PLAYING)

How do you feel?

Free.

When I was a kid, whenever I had a nightmare, my mother would sit at the foot of the bed and say a little rhyme.

"There was a crooked man "and he walked a crooked mile "and he found a crooked sixpence "besides a crooked stile, "and he bought a crooked cat, "which caught a crooked mouse, "and they all lived together "in a little crooked house.

" There you are.

(CHUCKLES)

I was getting worried.

You just missed the girls.

They came by for a surprise visit.

I said you had a dinner.

May be back by 8:00.

Anyhoo You just missed them.

Oh.

But we made butterscotch pudding.

(CHUCKLES)

I could fix you a bowl.

(GASPS SOFTLY)

Oh!

For Pete's sake, hon, what's wrong?

(CRYING)

The world.

The world is wrong.

(STAMMERS)

What are you saying?

Huh?

It looks like my world, but everything's different.

(BOTH CRYING)

Oh.

Uh Hey there.

Merry Christmas to ya.

Um, I'm looking for a blue form, I guess.

Yeah.

(EXHALES)

- Yeah, you're not St.

Cloud.

- No, that's I'm over at Eden Valley, just in town to interview a prisoner and they told me that Yeah, blue forms are for St.

Cloud officers.

Inter-departmental requests, that's a whole other Yup.

You gotta get your superior officer's approval on this form before I can give you the blue one.

Well, since I'm Chief of Eden Valley, couldn't I just, I don't know, approve myself?

You can't do that.

That's Let me guess, against regulations?

Darn right it's against regulations.

You're gonna need to get Chief Muderlack's John Hancock on one of these babies, then I'll give you the yellow one, and then when that's filled, you get the blue.

(SIGHS)

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

(MACHINE BEEPING)

(LOCK CLICKS)

My lawyer here?

Turn around and put your hands through the bars.

Why?

Gotta check your cell for contraband.

How about I just stand in the corner and mind my own business?

How about you do the electricity dance, maybe wet your pants?

(HANDCUFFS CLICKING)

Ow!

Be a good girl now.

What's happening?

Is that - No.

- Easy, son.

Put the syringe down, on the floor, slowly.

- He was doing something.

- Quiet.

On the floor.

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

- Stand down, stand down!

- No!

Wait!

Wait, there's an officer, he just ran out.

I was Somebody go after him!

- Listen to me!

- God damn it!

No, wait.

There's something going on.

- The syringe - That's a m*rder w*apon.

He was gonna k*ll me, the officer.

- He cuffed me here - Shut up.

Jesus Christ.

How do I know this ain't yours?

Huh?

The tape.

Check the tape.

Son of a bitch.

Who controls that, the camera?

There's a switch on the wall, but I was here the whole time.

Maybe a hack.

What kind of hack?

A breach, I mean.

Outside agents.

Come on, it's a glitch.

Try watching a movie at my house some time.

You got a bad cable, the thing just won't play.

Sir, somebody came for that girl.

A man in uniform.

Three murders in, going for a fourth, either one of your men or an impersonator.

MOE: So, it's a conspiracy now?

I'm not talking about certainty.

I'm saying there's doubt.

Three bodies, all connected, and now our chief suspect, even while she's in custody, has these mysterious circumstances.

A syringe full of who knows what.

How do we know this is the end of it?

A spree.

The point is, even if it's a coincidence, shouldn't we talk to her?

Exhaust all possibilities?

Damn it.

(BEEPING)

- (LOCK CLICKS)

- (DOOR OPENS)

Hey, partner, give us a minute?

I don't want you cutting him open.

My Ray.

He doesn't deserve that.

MOE: It's a homicide.

We gotta do an autopsy by law.

Who was that fella, the one with the syringe?

Nikki.

What?

We both know he came here to k*ll you for something you saw or something you know.

That We don't both know that.

I'm sticking to my mashed-potato theory from earlier.

GLORIA: I think your boyfriend hired a con to rob his brother, and things went from bad to worse.

And then, I don't know, maybe the brother came back at him hard.

Maybe not the brother.

(SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

Meaning?

Follow the money.

That's all I'll say.

The money?

What money?

Come on, it's Christmas Eve.

I got a boy at home that can't sleep at night 'cause somebody m*rder*d his grandpa and he's afraid they might be coming for him next.

Follow the money.

MOE: You know what?

Your probation is revoked.

We're transferring you to the state pen.

Protective custody.

You're welcome.

(CELL DOOR SLAMS SHUT)

You know, forensics is doing a test on the syringe.

You ask me to place a bet?

I think it takes a jury 10 minutes to convict you, nutbag with a syringe or no nutbag with a syringe.

- (BEEPING)

- (DOOR OPENS)

You like pie?

I'm gonna visit you after the holiday, bring you some pie.

Maybe we can talk about Ray.

What he liked, who he was.

NIKKI: Coconut.

(SOFT MUSIC PLAYING)

I like coconut cream pie.

With chocolate flakes on top.

(DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(ENGINE STARTS)

- (HORN BLARES)

- (TIRES SCREECHING)

(SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOOR OPENS)

(MACHINE WHIRRING)