08x04 - Revenue per square foot

[bunniefuu]

(HARVEY READING)

I thought it might be nice to get out there and get to know each other.

I think what you really mean is you'd like to impress the new managing partner.

- And what if I did?

- You wanna impress me?

Do it with a big, fat client.

Zane promised Samantha she'd be the next name partner.

And did you tell him that you made the same promise to Alex?

No, I didn't.

You wanna take me on, you go for it, 'cause I didn't get where I am by letting people like you push me around.

David Fox wants a fight, and I'm gonna give him one.

A fight about what?

He doesn't want to pay our cleaning woman overtime.

Harvey, this isn't what we do.

- Mike would have done it.

- And Mike's not here anymore because he finally came to terms with the fact that this isn't what we do.

I'm not gonna let us start losing clients because you decided the cleaning staff is more important than the needs of this firm.

I didn't do anything - that you didn't sign off on.

- ROBERT: That's enough.

You don't go to w*r with the guy that owns your house over something like this.

End it, and end it today.

I wanna make a perfect baby with you.

- Are you sure?

- Absolutely.

And I don't want to just pull the goalie.

I want to start trying, and I want to start trying right now.

Remember that you told me you promised Samantha - her name would go up next?

- I did.

I made Alex the same promise.

Then I guess there's only one thing to do.

Kick the can down the road.

I know you think we're in competition for the same thing, but we're not.

Robert Zane made me a promise.

The next name that goes up on the wall is mine.

Bunny rabbit goes around the tree once, bunny rabbit goes around the tree twice...

And I say bunny rabbit, bunny rabbit, wanna play nice?

- Sheila, what are you doing?

- I'm hunting "wabbits." No, no, no.

Not Fudd.

You know I can't resist Elmer Fudd.

Why would you want to?

Oh, my God, Shelia, I cannot right now.

Why not?

Because I have a client meeting, and it's not just me.

Zane's coming too.

So whatever you had in mind, it's going to have to wait.

All right.

I didn't have to do this, but...

I'm fertile, and I am ripe for the picking.

So I don't care whether you have a meeting or not.

I'm going to need your Johnny Appleseed.

Sheila, you know if there's one thing that revs me up more than Elmer Fudd, it's American folk heroes.

Then I think it's time for Paul Bunyan to march across that forest and take out his a*.

I'm gonna do more than that.

- You wouldn't.

- I would.

Because it's time for John Henry to swing the mighty hammer.

(SHEILA GASPS)

Did you know?

- Know what?

- That Zane promised Samantha she was the next name partner.

Alex, let's go back up to my office.

Sounds like you could use a drink.

What I could use is some g*dd*mn honesty.

Did you know?

Yeah, I knew.

Then why the hell didn't you tell me?

Because no one's deciding anything right now, and I didn't want to upset you for no reason.

No reason?

Zane promised his right hand...

I know what he promised.

But look, you got me and you got Louis.

That's two against one.

When the time is right, we'll out-vote him.

And when exactly is the time going to be right?

Six months?

A year?

Three years?

- Alex...

- No, Harvey, I want to know when you're planning on getting the balls to stand up to that man and what exactly I'm supposed to do in the meantime.

I'll tell you what you're supposed to do.

You're supposed to have faith and sit tight.

And if you were in my position, would you sit tight?

It may not be easy, - but, yeah, I would.

- That's funny.

Because I recall you were in a similar position years ago with Jessica, and instead of sitting tight, you came to me looking for another job.

(CELL PHONE VIBRATING)

- Robert, how's Wayne?

- ROBERT: I'll tell you how he is.

He's getting sued, and he wants to know why his lawyer's not here.

All right, just hold down the fort for 10 more minutes, I'm almost there.

I didn't ask you when you'd get here, Louis.

I asked you where you were.

That's, uh, kind of personal.

Well, I feel kind of bad about that, Louis, but I've been standing here with nothing but my d*ck in my hand for the last 30 minutes.

All right, well, if you wanna know, Sheila and I are trying to have a baby, and she's not getting any younger, and we're just trying to take advantage of any opportunity we can.

Why didn't you say so?

Just get here as fast as you can.

Like I said, I'll see you in 10.

- MAN: Hey, buddy.

- Yeah?

You know where a Rite Aid is around here?

No, I'm sorry, I'm actually not from around here...

I don't give a sh*t where you live.

Do what I say, you won't get sh*t.

- You feel me?

- Yeah, I feel you, I feel you, I feel you.

Okay, let's walk.

(g*n COCKING)

Get on the ground, and don't you f*cking look at me.

- Okay, okay...

- Wallet and phone.

- Where's the phone?

- There's $1,000 in there.

Is that not enough?

- You think we're negotiating, here?

- No, no, no.

It's just that there's pictures on my phone that I haven't backed up.

- I don't give a sh*t!

- (GROANING)

Here's my phone.

- (KICKS)

- (LOUIS GROANS)

Stay down.

Don't you move.

(GROANING)

(SINGING)

See the money wanna stay for your meal Get another piece of pie for your wife Everybody wanna know how it feel Everybody wanna see what it's like I'll even eat a bean pie I don't mind Me and missy is so early Busy, busy making money All right!

All step back I'm 'bout to dance The greenback boogie (GROANS)

sh*t.

Louis, aren't you supposed to be out with Robert Zane?

I swear, if you canceled that dinner because they ran out of paprika like last time I...

Oh, my God.

What happened, Louis?

- Nothing.

- Nothing?

You look like you've been hit by a car.

A guy took my wallet and my phone.

I didn't know what to do, so I came here.

All right, I'm calling Sheila and then Robert and...

You're not calling anyone, Gretchen.

I don't want Robert to know.

You have to tell him what happened.

I can't.

- Why not?

- Because he's my new managing partner, and I do not want him to know that I am weak.

Louis, you are not weak.

It could have happened to anybody.

It could have happened to him.

Yeah, but it didn't.

It happened to me, and that's why I don't want to tell him.

Well, what are you gonna do?

'Cause he's gonna wanna know why you didn't show up to that meeting.

I'm going to let him think what he already thinks.

That Sheila and I, we're trying to have a child, - it took longer than we thought...

- Louis.

Gretchen, I'm done talking about this.

So will you just please let me be?

Okay, Louis, I won't tell anybody.

I'm not going anywhere until we patch you up.

(ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

If you're not careful, the bagel guy's going to figure out you're cheating on him.

Who says this isn't a bagel?

Same person who says you've got the sense of humor of a 5-year-old.

I am so going to pull your pigtails at recess.

Okay, do you want to keep going, or can I ask you a serious question?

- You want the truth?

- No.

I want to talk to you about doing more pro bonos.

- Donna.

- Harvey, listen to me.

That cleaning woman's case was good for you, and even though Mike's not here, I think we should keep doing them.

Donna, I might be missing Mike, but I'm not Mike, and I have a meeting in an hour.

But if you want to take on a pro bono, knock yourself out.

You know what, I do, and if you don't want it, I'm just going to go ask Alex.

- Not Alex.

He's not in the mood.

- Why not?

He found out about Zane promising Samantha name partner last night.

What did you say to him?

What do you think I said?

I told him to sit tight.

Did you sit tight when you were in the same position?

That's what he said.

Then if you don't want him doing what you did, which is go looking for another job, then I suggest you do something that makes him want to stay.

Now, I'm going to go ask Katrina if she wants to do a pro bono.

I don't care what it takes.

You get him in front of that judge, I'll get him off the hook.

Good.

Whatever you're cooking, I need you to bump this class action to the front of the line.

Class action?

Yeah, why?

You got a problem with that?

No problem, but litigation isn't my specialty and you know it.

So what's going on?

What's going on is this was Louis Litt's case and now it's yours.

And how does Louis Litt feel about that?

I don't give a sh*t about how he feels.

Well, I do.

I just got on good footing around here, I'm not looking to undo it.

Now I got...

Hold on, now.

You are my go-to.

Don't start playing office politics on me.

Robert, I played office politics for you for years, in case you forgot.

I didn't, but the man pulled a no-show to a meeting with his own client.

And I need to send a message.

So are you in or out?

Okay, Robert.

I'm in.

I'm sure whatever it is is very important, Harvey, but I'm a little busy right now.

Alex, you were right.

If I were in your shoes, sitting tight wouldn't fly with me either.

I thought about it, and I got an idea.

Well, if it isn't you and Louis telling Zane my number's up next, I'm not sure I'm going to like it.

What it is, is you doing something to put you on the map with Zane.

Paxson BioScience.

They're big, they're juicy, and we got a meeting with them in a half an hour.

- We?

- Yeah, we.

Then forget it.

Because if I don't sign them alone, Robert's not going to care.

Alex, I'm doing the best I can right now.

They're expecting me.

I don't show up, it's not going to look right.

You've got an answer for everything, don't you?

Let's just go down there and lock these guys down.

After that, you have my word, you're the attorney of record.

All right, Harvey.

Let's go lock them down.

Carrie, Harvey Specter.

This is my partner, Alex Williams.

I'm sorry, I was thinking it was just going to be the two of us.

HARVEY: It's okay.

Anything you can say in front of me, you can say to Alex.

In that case...

CrytoGen.

They're worth 80 million, but they're sitting on billions of undeveloped IP.

I've been trying to buy them for two years.

Let me guess, you've used every tactic in the book to force them to sell.

Now you're looking to try some that aren't in the book.

Let's just say that of the 15 companies that specialize in financing that industry, 14 have suddenly found themselves out of the CrytoGen business.

And isn't it the strangest coincidence that the 15th just so happens to be one of our clients?

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

Just to be clear, are you asking us to pressure one of our clients into cutting off this company's lifeline?

Because that would be against the law.

I'm not asking you to do anything.

But were that to happen, you'd suddenly find yourself with a huge new client.

I'd say that sounds pretty interesting.

And I say bullshit.

It's not going happen.

Well, it better, because that's what it's going to take to get our business.

Alex, why don't we listen to...

No, Harvey, I'm not looking to cross the line for these guys, and I don't care if they tell me they'll guarantee a year's retainer in advance.

And what if I told you that retainer would match your highest-billing client?

Look, I think it's a mistake, but if we're going do this, we need to know what we're getting involved in.

HARVEY: He's right.

You want us to risk this, we need to know every source of funding you choked off from these guys, and every other shady thing you've done, because like he said, I need to know exactly what I'm getting myself involved in.

Then we'll have everything over to you by the end of the day.

- Robert, got a sec?

- No, Louis, I don't.

Look, I know I said that I'd be a little late...

But instead you decided to tap your girlfriend instead of doing your g*dd*mn job.

Robert, I told you, we're trying to have children.

You also told me you were on your way to the meeting, and I don't appreciate being lied to.

Okay, listen to me.

I know I didn't show up, but it doesn't matter, because whatever their issue is I can handle it.

You don't have to handle it because I already did.

- What is that supposed to mean?

- It means that, as of this morning, Samantha Wheeler is handling the matter, so you have plenty of time for your family planning.

I am name partner.

This is one of my oldest clients.

You cannot do this to me.

I didn't do this to you.

You did it to yourself when you hung me out to dry.

Robert, please.

- You don't know the whole story.

- I know all I need to know.

Now get out of my office and don't ever lie to me again.

Gretchen, I need you to get to the file room right away and make every document we have on McKinley Outfitters disappear.

Can't do that, Louis.

I got instructions to send them over to Samantha Wheeler's office an hour ago.

What?

How could you do that to me?

Because Robert Zane stood here and gave me an order himself.

- What choice did I have?

- God damn it.

Louis, I didn't tell the man what happened because I promised I wouldn't, but he's punishing you for something you don't deserve to be punished for.

So why don't you just tell him?

I'm not going to look weak.

Well, having him take your client because you don't have the courage to tell him the truth doesn't exactly make you look strong.

Well, then I need to take my client back.

How the hell are you going to do that?

Easy.

She's a transactional woman.

I'll just tell her I owe her one.

And you ask her to go against Zane?

You might as well ask her to set herself on fire.

Well, maybe if you'd g*dd*mn help me instead of telling me how weak I am, maybe we could figure something out.

Louis, I am trying to help you.

And if you can't see that, then something's wrong.

Gretchen, please.

You're the only one who knows that I had my dignity taken last night.

I can't have it taken again.

All right, Louis.

I help you with this, I need to know that you're going to be able to keep it together.

All I need is to take my client back.

- That's all I need.

- Okay.

As I see it, you want McKinley back?

You need to put that woman in a position where she doesn't have any choice.

Sounds to me like the good folks at Paxson BioScience have been some busy little beavers.

- Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- I sure am.

If they're willing to do all this shady sh*t because CrytoGen has billions in future revenue...

Why don't we skip the shady sh*t and go represent CrytoGen right now?

Exactly.

And we got the road map to keeping them out of trouble on its way.

Alex, you are one devious m*therf*cker.

Thanks, I'll take that as a compliment.

In that case, you're a real assh*le of a guy, too.

Seriously, Harvey.

We're using information they gave us in the context of a meeting.

That's a little shady itself.

- You sure you're okay with it?

- I am.

Besides, what are they gonna do?

Tell the police they asked us to rob a bank, and by the time they got there, we moved all the money?

Then the only thing left to do is close CrytoGen.

- All right, I'll set it up.

- No.

You needed to be at that last meeting.

You don't need to be at this one.

- Alex...

- Harvey, let's not forget why you came to me with this.

Let me bring this one home.

All right.

They're all yours.

- You wanted to see me?

- I did.

Well, I'm glad you did because I heard that you gave one of Louis's clients to Samantha.

And I don't want to tell you how to run the firm, Robert, but I think that's a bad idea.

Well, that's not exactly what I wanted to talk about, - but I think it's a good platform.

- I don't follow.

You may not want to tell me how to do my job, but I'm going to tell you how to do yours.

- Excuse me?

- Did you assign Katrina Bennett a pro bono without running it by me?

I didn't know that I needed to run it by you.

You do when that client happens to conflict with someone I'm trying to sign.

- I didn't know they did.

- Which is why you run it by me.

And was is more important is what is a COO of a law firm doing handing out pro bonos in the first place?

I just thought that it was good...

It's a rhetorical question, Donna.

- I don't care what you thought.

- Understood.

- Is that all?

- No, it's not.

What a COO should be doing is maximizing our revenue per square foot, which starts by an assessment of our revenue per square foot.

Well, that's not really what I do.

It is now.

I want a report on my desk by end of day tomorrow.

Does this have anything to do with Louis?

Because I don't think...

It has to do with Louis lying to me, and Harvey getting into it with the landlord, and now you, which all adds up to this law firm not operating the way that it should, and me getting a little tired of it.

Now, that's all.

Ah.

Samantha, you look nice this evening.

Oh, don't give me that sh*t.

You want to tell me why you set a motion to dismiss on a case for tomorrow that I just got three hours ago?

I was just doing you a favor.

But if you want to cancel it, you go right ahead.

- It's your case.

- What do you mean, "a favor"?

I mean, we have two weeks to get this suit thrown out, but the faster we file it, the more serious they know we are.

And, of course, now that you've said it, if I delay it, I look like I'm unprepared.

Which you are, because you haven't been their attorney for the last 13 years, like I have.

I get it.

And if I tell Robert what you did, I look weak.

But if you let me help you, we both look strong.

Why didn't you just come to me and ask me to be let in on this?

Because we both know that you would have said no.

I have to admit, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you're a real badass.

Well, if you think I'm a badass now, you just wait until we get that lead plaintiff in front of the judge tomorrow.

- Hey.

- Don't "hey" me.

- Did you sign them?

- Sure did, but get this.

These guys aren't exactly Little Red Riding Hood running away - from the Big Bad Wolf.

- What are you talking about?

Our first assignment, after we send that cease and desist to Paxson, is to trick their best employee into a lifetime of servitude.

Don't tell me you're pulling a Mike Ross and having second thoughts on me.

I'm just saying, there aren't any saints in this situation.

But you know what, brother?

That's why we make the big bucks.

Well, then, pour us a couple of drinks, and I'll fax the cease and desist order right away.

ROBERT: You're not faxing sh*t.

Do you really think that you can take a meeting with a prospective client, try to screw them over, and they wouldn't catch wind of it?

I don't care if they caught wind of it.

There's nothing that they can do about it.

Bullshit, they can let every major player know that we don't deal with our clients in good faith.

But they have the decency to give us a chance to make it right before they do, and you're going to take it.

If you're saying what I think you're saying...

I'm saying drop the small potato, and sign Paxson, like you said you would in the first place.

You want to talk bad faith?

We went in there, and they all but asked us to commit a crime.

Then don't sign them, but what you don't do is go using the information that you got from them to sign a guy that they were going after.

And the last time I checked, I can sign whoever the hell I want to sign.

Harvey, I cut you some slack on that landlord thing.

But I'm running this firm, not you.

You're going to do what I tell you to do.

You going to tell me what suit to wear, too?

Listen to me.

Tomorrow morning, I come in, Paxson's our client.

And I'm done discussing this topic.

Harvey, maybe it isn't worth it.

Relax, he'll calm down once he realizes that small potato is not so small.

Are you crazy?

This is about chain of command.

And the only reason we signed those guys in the first place was to impress him.

And you were the one who wanted me to have the balls to stand up to him.

Well, I don't give a sh*t what the chain of command is.

There's no way I'm backing down now.

Harvey, I told you, it's not like these guys are saints.

- What they're having me do to this guy...

- Alex, that's enough.

I'm not interested in you second guessing me, and I'm sure as sh*t not interested in you doing it on Zane's behalf.

So you want to have a drink and celebrate signing a new client or not?

Robert, what are you doing here?

I'm here because it's tomorrow morning, and you didn't sign Paxson yet.

Look, Robert, as far as I'm concerned, this is between you and Harvey.

- Well, I'm making it between you and me.

- What are you saying?

I'm saying you're a smart guy, and we both know what your endgame is at this firm.

If you want that game to be a reality, you do what I need you to do.

- Are you threatening my job?

- I'm telling you how it is.

You dealt with that client in bad faith.

I'm doing you a courtesy by dealing with you in good faith.

It sure doesn't feel like it.

I didn't say I was giving you kid gloves, I said I was playing you straight.

The truth is I like you, always have.

But if you don't get yourself on the right of this thing, you're never going to go further than you are right now.

- Robert...

- Drop them.

I don't want to hear another g*dd*mn thing about it.

Okay, what's our plan?

Okay, listen up.

They don't know it, but we're going to file for a change of venue in addition to our motion to dismiss.

I don't understand.

Changing the venue to Omaha doesn't help us.

- The laws are harsher there.

- Doesn't matter.

Because the jury won't be.

- What do you mean?

- This lawsuit wasn't just filed by a random bunch of disgruntled backpackers.

- It was orchestrated.

- By who?

Our biggest competitor.

And it just so happens, Omaha used to be their headquarters.

Which is now a ghost town.

We go after them in Omaha, they're going to get their asses kicked.

And they'll have no grounds to fight the change of venue, because on the face of it, it's against our interests.

- Exactly.

- Louis, this is genius.

Yeah, I know.

But like I said, you think I'm a genius now, you just wait.

- Because by the end of today, they're going to be paying us.

- (CELL PHONE VIBRATES)

BAILIFF: All rise.

Oh, sh*t, I have an emergency with my oldest client.

- You sure you got this?

- Oh, I got this.

I just feel bad for you because you're not going to get to see it.

All right.

We're here for a motion to dismiss.

Mr.

Litt, do you have your paperwork?

Your Honor, I'm sorry, but due to recent information coming to light, we need to alter our motion to change of venue.

What?

They have no basis for that.

We believe we do, Your Honor.

Which is why we'd like to call their lead plaintiff to the stand.

Mind if I cut in?

That depends, is it urgent?

To tell you the truth, it is.

Zane already thinks I overstep my bounds.

The last thing I need is for him to think that I can't hand in my homework on time, too.

Well, if that's what he thinks about you, you can have the copier, and Robert Zane can go f*ck himself.

Hey.

Everything okay?

- Never been better.

- Alex.

I'm really not in the mood, Donna.

Yeah, I can see that, and I don't care.

What's going on?

All right, you want to know?

First thing this morning, Zane tells me unless I sign Paxson, my name's never going up on that wall.

- What?

Have you told Harvey about this?

- What good would it do?

Harvey's the one who put me in this g*dd*mn situation.

Wait, hang on a second, I thought you were on board with going after CrytoGen.

I don't give a sh*t what I was on board with.

When Zane didn't want to do it, I was ready to back off.

- Then back off.

- And I do that, I might as well kiss my chances at name partner goodbye.

Alex, I don't think you're giving Harvey enough credit.

He said, and I quote, "I'm sure as sh*t not interested in you second guessing me "on Robert Zane's behalf." - Good.

- What do you mean, "good"?

I mean you're in a Kobayashi Maru.

What the hell does sushi have to do with this?

It's not sushi, it's from Star Trek, and Harvey's been talking about it for a hundred years.

I always thought it was bullshit, but maybe it's not.

- What do you mean?

- I mean, sooner or later, everyone finds themselves walled into a no-win situation.

This one's yours, and the way to prove yourself to both Harvey and Zane is to find a way out anyway.

Well, thanks, Donna.

And here I thought going to Harvard was the way to get ahead, when really, I should have just been watching old Star Treks.

Well, I didn't, so unless the answer is in an episode of Cagney & Lacey...

You know what, Alex?

I'm trying to help you.

And I told you, I'm not in the g*dd*mn mood.

Okay, then let me put it another way.

Unless you think you can get your name on the wall some place else, I suggest you stop worrying about the problem and start worrying about the solution.

Because if you can't find a way to get yourself out of this situation, maybe you don't deserve to be name partner after all.

So, Mr.

Larson, when did you decide to file this lawsuit?

About a week after I found out hackers stole my information.

So you were upset, and then you contacted a lawyer.

Actually, my attorney reached out to me.

LOUIS: Wasn't that convenient?

Your Honor, soliciting clients isn't a crime, and it's not relevant to change of venue.

But isn't it?

Mr. Larson, when your lawyer approached you, what was the fee that you were quoted?

10%, contingent on winning.

And are you aware that the normal fee for this type of case is three times that?

LARSON: I'm not one to say no to a bargain.

You mean the bargain where my client's biggest competitor was paying your lawyers on the side?

- What?

- Objection, speculative.

It won't be when he answers the question.

Your Honor, where is this going?

I'll tell you where it's going.

Your Honor, it's going to conspiracy charges because he approached him to put my client out of business.

I didn't...

- I don't...

- Answer the question.

I didn't ask how my lawyer makes his ends meet - because I'm focused on mine.

- LOUIS: Let's focus on yours.

Because if I find out that you knew they were driving this lawsuit and you lied about it, oh, I'm going to come for your house.

And then, I'm going to come for your pension.

- Objection.

- And your daughter's piggy bank.

- Badgering.

- I'm not doing anything a federal prosecutor won't do if he doesn't tell the truth.

Yes, you are.

You are pointing a g*n at my client's head, and I'm pretty damn sure you wouldn't like it if I pointed a g*n at yours.

JUDGE: Mr.

Litt?

Mr.

Litt?

Lay down and shut up.

And this time, you don't give me your wallet and give me your phone and keep your mouth shut, I won't just kick you.

I'll pull this trigger, and you'll never see anyone you care about ever again.

Mr.

Litt, for the last time, do you have anything further?

Motions to dismiss and change of venue are denied.

(GAVEL BANGS)

You and I need to talk, and we need to talk right now.

No, we don't.

And if you know what's good for you, you'll get out.

I'm not going anywhere until you explain to me how one minute, you're ready to book one-way tickets to Omaha, and the next minute, I find out we've all but lost.

You weren't there.

You don't know what happened.

I know that.

That's what I'm doing here.

- And I told you to get out.

- And I told you I'm not going anywhere until you tell me what happened.

Listen to me, I did the best I could, and I do not want to talk about this anymore.

The best you could?

You're not some first-year associate.

You're a g*dd*mn name partner who bullied his way onto my case.

And the next thing I know, you've laid down like a dog, - let yourself get kicked...

- You weren't there!

You weren't there.

You don't know the sh*t I went through.

You never will.

Now back the hell off, and get the hell out of my office.

Louis, relax.

I was just trying to...

Get the hell out!

Harvey, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure, what's on your mind?

I just got a call from Holly Cromwell.

Don't tell me, she's got another firm wanting to recruit you, and you're looking to leverage us.

- Harvey, this is serious.

- What is it?

She told me that Alex Williams called her up, looking to see what he could get in the marketplace.

- Bullshit.

- It's not bullshit.

He wants to know what the odds are of him getting his name on the wall somewhere else.

I don't believe it.

How could he do this to me?

Maybe instead of thinking about how he could do this, you might want to think about why.

- I don't care why.

- Well, you should.

Because you made it personal between you and Zane, and Alex became nothing but an afterthought.

How do you even know about any of this?

Because before he talked to Holly, he talked to me.

Which is why I know that Zane went to Alex this morning and told him if he didn't sign Paxson, he'd never make name partner here at all.

Where is he?

Harvey, if you confront Zane, it's just going to make things worse.

I don't care.

I am not going to let him bully my guy into submission.

Hang up the phone right the hell now.

Don't walk into my office and tell me that.

So I can't walk in here, but you can walk into my guy's office and thr*aten his career?

I didn't thr*aten his career.

I just told him like it was.

- That's not your call.

- Bullshit, it's not.

I gave you an order, and if you're not going to follow it, I'm going to the next man down.

And if he doesn't listen to me, he's never getting my vote.

So he's got to listen to you, but he doesn't have to listen to me?

What the hell do you think Managing Partner means?

Well, if this is what it means, then maybe I made a bad call in being gracious and letting you have it.

You weren't being gracious.

You were recognizing reality.

Which is that I'm better at this than you.

And what you're better at is doing whatever you feel like doing at any g*dd*mn minute.

Well, what I feel like saying right now is Alex is my guy.

He does what I say, and that's final.

Well, that's too bad, because I didn't do what either one of you said, and it's too late to take it back.

I don't believe this.

Are you saying you took another job?

No, I'm saying I got someone else to take another job.

What the hell are you talking about?

CrytoGen wanted me to trick their biggest asset into a lifetime of servitude.

Instead, I informed him of his right to go out on his own and signed him as our newest client.

Are you out of your mind?

I told you to sign Paxson.

And the reason you gave both of us was that you didn't want us dealing with them in bad faith.

Well, now we didn't.

All we did was take a meeting and not sign them.

And you still didn't do what I asked.

And you didn't do what I asked, either.

You're right, I didn't.

Because if all you want is a yes-man, then what the hell am I doing here?

- You listen to me...

- ALEX: No, you listen to me.

I signed a client that's going to be worth a huge amount to this firm.

I'm a hell of a g*dd*mn lawyer, and if you can't see that, then I don't want to have my name next to yours.

- Alex...

- No, I said what I had to say.

As far as I'm concerned, you two need to work your sh*t out.

I don't know about you, but I kind of like the guy when he's angry.

Yeah, you would, because that's the same flavored bullshit that you served Jessica.

HARVEY: What now?

I need to talk to you about your partner.

- You mean Robert?

- I mean Louis Litt.

- What about him?

- Something's wrong with him.

And before you tell me I don't know him, I'm telling you, this isn't normal behavior.

Even for a man with his reputation.

- How can you know that?

- How about I start by saying he stood up his own clients at a meeting with Robert Zane?

And then somehow sh*t the bed in court on a case he had in the bank.

And I'm not even going to get into how he treated me when I tried to ask him about it.

Does anyone else know about any of this?

Judging by the look I saw on his secretary's face, I'd say she does.

I'd also say she's not going to tell me a thing.

Why are you telling me about this, and not Robert?

Because I may be new here, but I know what friendship looks like.

And right now, I'm telling you, Louis Litt needs a friend.

- Harvey.

- Louis.

You got any plans tonight?

I was thinking we could go out for dinner.

That's not going to work for me.

I have to get home to Sheila.

Oh, come on.

We've got some stuff to catch up on.

- What stuff?

- From what I hear, you've had a rough couple days.

It's all good, Harvey.

Nothing to worry about.

All good?

Come on.

I ask you to dinner once in a blue moon.

Whenever I do, you drop everything.

I used to, but I have Sheila now, so if you'll excuse me.

You're not leaving until I get an answer.

Don't hide behind Sheila.

Get the hell off me!

What's going on, Louis?

- Nothing.

- You can talk to me.

- About what?

There's nothing...

- Why'd you roll over in court?

- Why'd you no-show at dinner?

- Please stop.

Why do you need me to stop, Louis?

- What are you so scared of?

- God damn it, I was mugged.

I was mugged, and I thought I was going to die, okay?

He had a g*n that he had pressed to the back of my head.

I can still feel it.

Is that what you want to hear?

Because that's what's going on.

It's okay, buddy.

You're okay.

But it's not okay, Harvey.

It's not, I'm a mess.

I'd be a mess, too.

Anyone would.

- What if it doesn't go away?

- It will.

I don't know how long it'll take or when it'll happen, but I know one thing.

It won't go away if you don't talk about it, and I don't just mean therapy.

- Harvey...

- Look, you have people here who care about you.

Don't hide it from them.

I'm not telling Robert.

- Why not?

- Because you're my friend, and he's my boss, and he just got here, and I cannot have him see me as weak.

He won't think you're weak.

He'll think you're strong for telling him.

But I won't be strong.

I'm going to turn into this.

Look at me, Harvey.

Look at me.

I can't have him see me like this.

Why don't I tell him for you?

We've got some things to work out between us anyway.

Thank you, Harvey.

That would be nice.

(SNIFFLES)

- What is it, Donna?

- Robert, I have your report.

But before you read it, I need to tell you what I told you before.

This isn't really what I do.

- Why bring it to me at all?

- Because you asked for it.

And more importantly, what I do is what you need right now.

So let me get this straight.

You're going to come in here with a half-assed excuse for a report and then tell me what I need?

Yeah, I am, because while you wanted me to be spending my time on something you could've hired an accounting firm for, I was busy working my ass off maximizing revenue per square foot the old-fashioned way.

- By keeping this place together.

- What are you talking about?

I'm just saying that between picking a fight with Harvey, taking a client away from Louis, and whatever else you've been up to, you didn't notice that one of your star attorneys was thinking about leaving.

And now, thanks to me, he's going to stay.

You're talking about Alex?

Yes, of course I'm talking about Alex.

Then, Donna, I appreciate what you did.

But if he left, he left.

So be it.

Because if I'm going to lead this firm, people need to follow my orders.

Maybe the problem isn't with the orders, Robert.

Maybe it's with the man who's giving them.

You may not want to hear this, but I'm going to say it anyway.

You think that the reason Rand and Calder turned on you is because you had a soft spot for us.

I think it's because you didn't have a soft spot for them.

And if you treat us the way you treated them, the same thing's going to happen here.

I can't just let everyone do what they want.

It's not in me.

I'm just saying, sometimes we need to be smacked in line, and sometimes, you need to let us do what we do the way we do it.

I'm going to farm out this revenue per square foot to an accounting firm.

Thanks, Robert.

(LAUGHING)

What?

I knew you did this whisperer sh*t with Harvey, but I didn't think you'd ever do it to me.

I'm going to let you in on a little secret, Zane.

(SOFTLY)

I do it to everybody.

(CHUCKLING)

Alex, you got a second?

That depends on what you're here to say.

I'm here to say I'm sorry.

I put you in a position that I shouldn't have, but I also want to say, you didn't have to talk to that headhunter.

- Yeah, Harvey, I did.

- Why?

You want to know the truth?

I had to know what kind of leverage I had.

And it turns out, there wasn't anybody willing to put my name on the wall any faster than you.

Which is what left me open to hear Donna's bullshit.

What do you mean, "Donna's bullshit"?

It's really your bullshit.

She said I was in a no-win situation, and I could bitch and moan about it, or I could get out of it myself.

- Kobayashi Maru.

- Yeah.

Yeah, well, you got yourself out pretty damn well, and I'm not the only one who thinks so.

Zane was pretty impressed, too.

Then I guess I got the job done.

And maybe I should have watched a little Star Trek growing up after all.

What?

How could you never watch Star Trek?

Because it's a stupid show with shitty effects.

You realize I love that show, right?

I don't care how you feel about it.

It's a stupid show with shitty effects.

You know what, Alex?

You may be a hell of a lawyer, but if you can't appreciate the original Star Trek, you're nothing, because Captain Kirk is the best television character ever created.

I've got two words for you, m*therf*cker.

Magnum, P.I.

Those are fighting words.

You know that, right?

They're not fighting words, Harvey.

They're drinking words.

So sit on down, and let's hash this out like two people who can both appreciate M♪A♪S♪H.

Sounds good to me.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

- Robert.

- Before you say anything, let me just say that I'm sorry for what happened, and I'm more sorry for how I treated you.

LOUIS: I appreciate that, Robert.

But this was my fault, not yours.

Louis, this is not your fault.

And I want you to know you could have come to me.

I just felt so powerless.

Of course, you did.

You were a victim.

But that doesn't mean you have to feel like one.

How can I not feel like one?

Louis, I'm going to tell you something nobody knows.

I grew up in a rough place with rough people.

Don't tell me that you know what it's like to get mugged?

No, what I'm trying to tell you is I know what it's like to be on the other end of it.

- What?

- I was 14 years old.

My friends were all I knew, and I loved them.

But they were messed up.

And one night, they get it in their heads that they were going to roll somebody, and I got caught up in it.

The guy fought back.

We had no choice.

We b*at him good, put him in the hospital.

- Jesus.

- I know.

I only did it once, and it's haunted me my whole life.

Still does.

Are you saying that I should feel sorry for the man who mugged me?

No, no, no.

I'm not saying that, Louis.

I'm saying that someday, he's going to have to face up to who he is, and he'll carry that shame for a lifetime.

But you don't have to because this doesn't have a single thing to do with who you are.

- You hearing me?

- I'm hearing you.

Good, and, Louis, we are a family here.

So from now on, I want you to remember, you can share things with your family.

- Okay.

- I mean, for God's sake.

You didn't think twice about telling me you were tapping your woman.

- That's a fair point.

- Mmm-hmm.

Okay.

Good man.

- You heading home for the night?

- I was, why?

I just wanted to let you know, I talked to Alex, and it's all good.

- That's great, Harvey.

- There's just one thing.

It turns out that he didn't call Holly Cromwell.

- She called him.

- So?

So if she called him, why would she then call you - and say he called her?

- I guess she wouldn't.

(GASPS)

I guess I must have called her and told her to call him.

- Mind if I ask why?

- Because, Harvey, sometimes people just need to know where they stand.

And what if he'd been able to leverage himself into name partner somewhere else?

Then you and Robert Zane would learn that if you can't figure your sh*t out, the only people who are going to get hurt are you.

- Samantha, what are you doing here?

- I want to talk to you.

Look, if this is about earlier...

It is about earlier, but not how you think.

I came here to tell you that the same thing that happened to you - happened to me.

- Robert told you, didn't he?

He did.

And when it happened, he was there for me.

So now, I'm going to be there for you.

I'm sorry, what do you mean, "he was there for you"?

That's not important.

What is important is you're going to start learning self-defense.

And you're going to start right now.

I really appreciate you coming by.

Okay?

But I'm going to go inside.

Tell me the truth.

When you saw me standing there, and you couldn't make out whether it was me or not, you were scared, right?

I don't want to learn self-defense.

Do me a favor.

Try to hit me.

- I'm not going to hit you.

- Try to hit me.

Okay.

Ready?

Boop.

- That's pretty crazy, right...

- Would you just try to hit me?

All right, fine.

All right, mother...

Oh, my God.

You could k*ll someone, couldn't you?

Probably, but the point is, they couldn't k*ll me.

Now, get up, it's time for your first lesson.

First things first, you got to be aware of your surroundings, and you got to learn how to stand.

Okay.

- Show me.

- Okay.

You want to stabilize your core, so one foot slightly behind the other, about hip-width apart.

- See how it stabilizes?

- The core.

- Yeah.

- Okay, so how many calories - have I b*rned just now?

- Three.

Just because you're talking so much.

- Right, okay.

- Yeah.

All right.

Now, smack me.

(LAUGHS)