ADAM: This isn't something I wanna have to tell you.
I know you'll be pissed as f*ck and you should be pissed.
I don't want to be saying all this, Jessa, but, f*ck, I have to explore it.
And I can't help it if you're angry, because the fact is, my higher power, or whatever, is is pushing me to look.
And, um, I'm not sure w what Hannah's gonna even say, but I know what I'm gonna say.
I'm just gonna say, "Look, Hannah, we have a lot of history that we can't seem to erase.
We can't let each other go, as much as we try, so let me raise this baby with you.
" Um Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't know what she'll say either.
Is there anything you want to say to me?
Uh Look you gotta do what you gotta do.
Um, I'm not a zookeeper.
Oh, come the f*ck on.
There's something else in there.
Will you just say it?
Spit in my face, punch me.
- What?
Just do it.
- Well, why would I do that?
Uh you haven't done anything wrong.
(laughing)
Elijah!
Elijah!
Look, lady!
(sighs)
I am very frustrated, too, okay?
But I can't get the dial on that air conditioner to move an inch, and I tried using an actual screwdriver.
(groans)
I gotta ask, why did you wait until you were pregnant to start wearing halfway decent underwear?
I don't feel so good.
Well, honey, of course you don't feel good.
It's 127 degrees in here and we are poor.
You've got a parasite growing inside of you.
Probably both gonna die of heat stroke at any minute.
Oh, God, we're gonna die like those old people in Queens on New York 1.
I'm too pretty to go to a cooling station.
I don't know, it's just that conversation with Paul-Louis, it really f*cked me up.
I've been thinking about it so much.
(laughing)
What is funny about that?
His name.
"Paul-Louis.
" You know, I just have to wonder, like, am I denying my child this, like, essential part of their identity, half of who they are?
Imagine who I would be had I never met my father.
Well, you probably wouldn't have known all the lyrics to "Funny Girl" by the time you were four.
I'm starting to feel like I was a little naive, thinking this was all gonna be so simple.
Oh, God.
Hannah, this is gonna be a real mindfuck for me if you wanna get an abortion right now.
- What?
- I mean I I'll do it.
I think there's about two doctors in America that will do it at this stage in your pregnancy, but I'll find 'em.
I'm not getting an abortion, Elijah, I'm having feelings.
It's different.
Jesus Christ.
Speaking of different Those are nipples.
- (door chimes)
- (music playing over PA)
Hey.
- Hey.
- Hey.
That's a whole lot of pops.
Yeah, I mean, they're for, like, the next three days.
I won't have to keep going back and forth and getting pops.
What are you doing on my block?
Well, I'm looking for you, actually.
Well, congratulations, you have located me, so Could we go outside and talk?
No, actually, 'cause anything you have to say to me, I'm perfectly comfortable with my friend, Amir, hearing.
He is my close friend.
Okay, fine.
Um And also, if you're looking for permission to make a sequel to your movie that depicts me as, like, Brooklyn's own Zelda Fitzgerald, minus the talent and the cool, funky hair, then I'm not gonna co-sign on that.
Why don't you try casting someone who vaguely resembles me and has my gravitas next time, okay?
And just let me know when it's safe for me to leave my house again.
Han I wanna raise your child with you.
I miss you, and I miss being with you.
And I thought I could move on, but hearing about the baby made me realize we don't have any more time to waste.
Let me let me show you who I've become.
I wanna be there for you as you become a mother, I wanna watch you blossom and love this baby more than anyone has ever loved a living thing.
I don't wanna be away from you any longer.
I'm so confused.
Can we go to your house?
(laughs)
No, let's try this again.
I said that I want the elite channels.
Whatever those are.
I do I don't know what they are.
Uh Animal Planet and Court TV, I don't know!
I just want to buy the full package of elite channels so that I can enjoy a range of programs.
Do you understand?
Can you hold on a second?
Just (vomiting, coughing, spitting)
- Are you okay?
Mm-hmm.
- Yeah, I'm okay.
Are you okay?
Good.
(Adam groans quietly)
I kind of feel like we have audience.
(both laughing)
These 97 audio cassettes contain interviews conducted by my friend and mentor, Hermie Del Benseur, with Brooklyn's elderly members.
Now, if you were to help us in digitizing these tapes, you would help us create an accessible platform where people can experience the horror of gentrification in a very visceral way.
I'll tell you what it is that I know, Shosh.
- Mm-hm.
- There is nothing worse in this world than inheritance, nothing.
- That's why I need to earn this.
- Well Do you understand?
Genuinely earn it.
Hermie gave me everything that he did so I can keep his dream alive.
Okay, I don't understand.
Why don't you just stick with the coffee industry, and, like, you know, relax a little?
I don't know, just, like, chill for a second.
You don't "get it," do you?
- You don't "get it"!
- Excuse me.
Do not "air quote" at me!
I will "air quote when I need to air quote to stress a point.
" - Okay, well, don't "do it" - Shoshanna!
Shosh!
Yeah!
Baby!
Get out of here!
How are you?
Hi!
Okay, okay.
She's so sweet.
She couldn't be nicer, and you're gonna totally love her, except for the times that you absolutely hate her because she just like never turns off.
She's like a lot.
- She's just like - (laughing)
Hello!
- Hi!
- Oh, my God!
I've been looking for you everywhere, dude.
Like, not physically, but I've definitely been dominating your inbox.
- Yep.
I - I miss you!
Totally!
I, um - This is Ray, - Hi.
- by the way.
So - Oh, hi.
Hello.
Okay, now, you gotta tell me, what are y'all doing on my block?
Huh?
You're not trying to rob me, are ya?
(laughs)
I'm kidding.
- I will cut your ass.
- (laughs)
Actually, just getting some tapes digitized.
- I'm working on a project - She doesn't she doesn't need to know about that though.
She was just asking to be nice.
- Oh.
- What?
Hold on.
This haunted-ass building digitizes tapes?
Ray, you've really changed things for me.
The other day I was watching my "Popples" video, and, Ray, it was like a haunting moment where I realized that this tape was degrading slowly.
My favorite show growing up was this obscure Russian cartoon about a tiny cup of borscht that had no father.
You know, the catchphrase was "Papa would be so hungry.
" Shaped me as a child.
- That explains so much.
- Yeah, can't remember what it's called.
Oh, my God.
We've gotta find it.
So, now, who's gonna buy me lunch?
- Mommy?
Friends?
- Mommy?
Mommy's not here.
Mommy ran off.
She left.
She walked out, never came home.
Yeah, she doesn't like being around me.
Yeah, Mommy can't stand Daddy.
Where's your elephant's toes?
- Rawr!
- Oh!
Hey, there.
- That's that was a - (Jessa chuckles)
- little loud of a "boo," Jessa.
- Oh, please, it's fine.
That was unnecessary, how loud that was.
Children it's good for them to hear loud noises and strange smells, and be around strange men, you know?
It's like, you want them you don't want them to be boring, Laird.
Can I get you a tea or something, or?
Please don't drink from that.
Please don't drink from that.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
And I'm sorry, Sample.
All right, it was a bit erratic, I will say, but I'm not doing great right now.
I'm not doing great.
(sighs)
I can't pretend I can't pretend that I don't care that Adam is upstairs right now, upstairs with Hannah.
They're probably making, like, flow graphs and chore charts so they and figuring out how to raise her baby.
Her baby!
- Baby?
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hannah's pregnant, and Adam wants to help her raise it.
Mm-hmm, mm-hm.
It's not even his.
It's not even his.
It's, um it's like some Bolivian zip line guy's baby.
Hannah's having a Bolivian baby?
Here I go.
Hello?
No one has talked to this child.
Knock, knock, child.
(high-pitched)
Hello!
(gasps)
Do you hear something?
- (high-pitched)
Hello, Adam.
- (giggles)
- Hey.
Hey, baby.
- (giggles)
(high-pitched)
Please help me.
My mom is so weird.
- (laughing)
- Oh what what?
- (high-pitched)
Help me!
- (laughing)
My mom is so weird!
Do you think I'm weird?
- No.
- No?
But seriously, it sounds wild in there.
It's like it's just insane.
It's rushing the sound of waves crashing.
A seashell It's wild in there.
You can't hear all those things.
Everything is broken.
Like, in the world, or like in this house?
- In this house.
- (laughs)
Oh!
Oh, yeah, yeah.
- AC, top lock - Mm-hm.
and you did such a shitty job patching that wall.
Elijah did that by himself.
- Was he blindfolded?
- It's horrible.
And you're the one who put a giant hole in the wall, and then we had to patch it, if you remember, so.
- I'm sorry.
- (knocking)
Excuse me for one second.
- (knocking)
- What?!
- Oh.
Hey, man.
- Hey, what's up?
Is Hannah here?
- Uh - Oh!
- Laird?
- Hey, Hannah.
Sorry!
Sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Sorry.
Let me know when you're decent.
Laird, what are you doing here?
- Can I look?
- Yes, you can look.
All right, great.
Um really sorry to barge in.
Ah, I don't know what's up here, ah, and if I interrupted something, I'm sorry, but this is important.
Ah, I really, really felt like it was important that I come up here and make it known to both of you, but mostly you, that I am here and totally up for raising this baby.
- What the f*ck, Laird?
No.
- I realized why I'm here.
The purpose of my life was to become a junkie so I could better, so I could move into this building, so I can meet you, and we have that moment, and we establish that base.
And we go away from that, which is fine, 'cause then I met Caroline.
We had a baby, she went away and ruined everything and destroyed my life to give me the clarity of this moment, which is you're having a baby, you're about to be a single parent.
I am a single parent.
It's so crystal clear!
Mm.
Ooh.
Okay, two sips in and I'm fully soused, if I'm keeping it real.
(both chuckling)
Ray, you never drink during the day.
What are you doing?
- Eh.
- It's good to try new things, right?
Abelaide, I couldn't agree with you more.
Whoa.
(laughs)
Abelaide?
Are you drunk?
- Her name is Abigail.
- Abigail.
- Abigail.
- Abigail.
Sorry about that.
- Abigail.
- No, I thought that was really cool.
- I liked it.
- (scoffs)
ABIGAIL: Okay, I have a question for you guys.
It's a little bit of a thinker, so buckle up.
(clears throat)
Would you rather live in an ugly building with a view of a gorgeous building or in a gorgeous building with a view of an ugly building?
Hmm?
What?
Are you serious?
Yeah.
W What, you don't have to answer it if you don't want to.
No, no, it's not about that.
It's just, um That's my question.
- It's my question, too.
- That's my question.
(chuckles)
That's the question I ask other people.
ABIGAIL: Well, it's also my question.
I ask it to other people, too, because I think it's, like, the best way to kind of get down to the heart of people.
- You know, like, see their true self.
- Totally!
Exactly!
Their true, deepest, most intimate selves.
Exactly.
And of course we know the correct answer.
- Yeah, we all do.
- Yeah.
Ugly building, gorgeous view.
- No.
- No.
- No.
(chuckles)
- No.
- No, Shosh.
No, not even close.
- Not not at all.
I see why you would wanna say that.
That's, like, - what everyone says, you know?
- Everybody.
People always think that's the right answer because it makes them seem deep or whatever, like, "Oh, I don't care how things look, blah, blah, blah.
" Right, but actually, it's shallow in a weird way because it implies that you're fine being structurally flawed as long as you never actually have to see your true self.
- Yeah.
- Right?
- Yes!
- (both chuckling)
You were close, though.
Off by one.
(both chuckling)
I'm just disconcerted.
I don't understand - how you just decided - It's simple.
I just knew you know?
Why I knew deep down.
I didn't really know until I heard about the baby.
Then I knew in my actual brain.
You know, but it's Th-there's it's simple, there's too much history here.
There's too much good stuff for us not to try.
What about you and Jessa?
Aren't you guys in, like, mad, passionate love?
Aren't you gonna, like, run away together on two bicycles or?
Oh, you know.
She would've left me in four months.
I did us both a favor.
What's it like to f*ck Jessa?
Ahhhh!
Virgin ears.
You have to know that this was, like, my number one question I've been waiting all day to ask you.
All right.
It's okay, okay, fine.
There's more laughing.
She laughs a lot.
Like, she laughs during sex?
- Yeah.
- Like a f*cking freak?
Excuse me.
I don't wanna judge.
No, like a person who laughs.
Like, she laughs 'cause she's less comfortable with sex than you'd think she'd be, considering the shape of her body and the style of her hair?
This is why I didn't wanna do this.
If you're not gonna - share anything with me - Gonna share it, with me, "Vee" - then you should just know - Then you should just know You look very pretty.
f*ck you.
You know, I've been really scared since I found out.
Like, terrified.
I mean, I didn't wanna tell everyone 'cause it's like I don't want people to think I'm insane.
And I know I want a baby someday, so why not make someday now?
But I've been so, so scared.
What if my baby's really sick and it's crying and I don't wake up because I just took a little piece of an Ambien, but I can't wake up?
What if I feed the baby a piece of food that's too big for it and it chokes, but its eyes are so wide that I just think it's, like, looking at me happily, and then it's dead?
- Jesus!
- I could put my kid in a car seat, and then when I get out to get into the front seat, a drunk driver gets me, the ambulance comes, takes my body away, they don't know a baby was back there, and that baby starves to death.
The car gets impounded, the baby's stuck in the car.
Well, uh, I'll be here.
So, now I know you wanna be with me just to make sure I don't f*ck everything up.
Why do you want a baby?
You know when you're a teenager and you're, like, not ready to have sex?
- No.
- Okay, wrong example since you lost your virginity at 13 to, like, a lifeguard or something.
You know when you're a little kid and you're not ready to have a sleepover?
- Yes!
- Yes!
And it's, like, kindergarten or first grade and sleepovers are, like, all the rage and everyone's doing it every Friday and Saturday night, and you're just like, "No, I can't.
I need to be with my mom, I need to have my own sheets, I need to have my own toilet.
I can't.
" - Yes.
- And then one day, someone asks you.
They're like, "Would you like to sleep over on Friday?" And you're like "Oh, my God.
Not only am I ready, I have to be there.
" Yeah, mine was with a boy named Joel.
- Joel?
- Yeah.
His parents kept a bunch of rottweilers in cages.
- Oh, cool.
- I remember this moment where we were sitting on his couch watching "Caddyshack" and my hand started to shake.
It's what happens when I'm about to puke.
- Oh.
- And I thought, "Oh, no!
This can't happen!
If I puke, they'll send me home.
And if they send me home, I'm f*cking nothing!" That's so cute!
Yeah, but I was very small.
- So you know what I did?
- What?
- I swallowed it.
- You swallowed it?
Yeah, every bit of puke, I just swallowed it.
- No way.
- Yeah, yeah.
That's insane!
Well, you know, there's levels of insane, but, yeah, it was necessary.
And, you know, I made it through, and after that, I was the f*cking sleepover king.
(birds twittering)
(seagulls squawking)
Don't be scared.
Okay.
- (seagulls squawking)
- (boat horn blares)
(retching)
f*cking sh*t!
- What?
- You shouldn't have that!
It's full of green dye and sugar syrup and sh*t baby's shouldn't have!
f*ck!
You bought it for me!
I want the rest of my soda!
- Mm-mm.
- Give me my soda!
No.
I can't have any of my soda?
Don't need permission Made my decision to test my limits 'Cause it's my business, God as my witness Start what I finished Don't need no hold up Taking control of this kind of moment I'm locked and loaded - Hi.
No smoking.
Come on.
Giuliani always let us.
I miss him.
Can I have a seltzer, please?
And your sports section.
Thank you.
Makes me feel - like a dangerous woman - (seltzer hissing)
Something 'bout, something 'bout, Something 'bout you Ooh Something 'bout you All girls wanna be like that Bad girls underneath like that You know how I'm feeling inside Something 'bout you All girls wanna be like that Bad girls underneath like that - You know how I'm feeling inside - Something 'bout Something 'bout There's something 'bout you, boy - Yeah, Yeah - There's something 'bout you, boy - There's something 'bout you, boy - Something 'bout Something 'bout, something 'bout you Something 'bout you, boy Yeah, there's something 'bout you, boy Yeah, there's something - 'Bout you, boy - Something 'bout - (crying)
I don't want you.
- Something 'bout, something 'Bout you.
(crying)
- (Muzak playing)
- ADAM: I can't I don't see anything that I really like.
HANNAH: I mean, I guess it's not all gonna look great.
I mean, at the end of the day, it's just not the most - chic furniture, and that's fine.
- Yeah.
Bingo.
Yeah, I think we need one of those.
We need a couple of these.
Remember, I could build a lot of this sh*t myself.
- The quality will be better.
- Mm-hmm.
And it won't be leaking toxic ooze all over our kid.
I figure, to start, you know, I'll just build a crib and a simple bureau to hold all the baby sh*t.
And the top of the bureau we can use as a changing table, so that's that's cool, too.
And that you know, that's all you really need.
Oh, plus one of those, er, um (snapping fingers)
bitty bob (Muzak fading)
fuzzy sh*t that falls from the f*cking ceiling.
What the f*ck's that called?
It's like a lanyard or a laminate I'd be free I'd be free - Oh, then I could be me - ADAM: Hannah?
Hannah?
(barks, chuckles)
- Sorry.
- (chuckles)
Where'd you go?
I was just, like, realizing that I haven't had anyone to talk about this stuff with, so, I'm just kind of, like, processing all the stuff that we'll need for the house.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
I'm excited.
I'm just excited to get out of my own f*cking head for a while, you know?
Aren't you?
Yeah.
Why didn't you have to work today?
Didn't you just inherit a big coffee empire?
(chuckles)
Kind of.
It's complicated.
I inherited some properties and some businesses, but I don't know.
I guess I'm at a crossroads with all of it because my boss, Hermie - Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
- my late boss, Hermie, he started this project and I guess, in my own way, I'm trying to continue it, and I don't know.
I don't have Hermie's natural knack for making conversations.
Just I don't know.
It's not in me.
I'm not as sociable - as I ever thought I'd be.
- Well then we should practice.
- Practice?
- Mm-hmm.
What do you mean practice?
- RAY: Hello.
- ABIGAIL: Hello, ladies.
We're trying to make, like, a an audio history of Brooklyn.
Can we ask you a couple questions?
How long have you lived in Brooklyn?
- Oh, about almost 90 years.
- That's amazing.
What was a typical Friday night in Brooklyn?
Was there ever a boy who managed to come between your beautiful friendship?
I got him.
You don't know that, but I got him, You didn't!
You did not get him.
What would you wear on, like, a night out?
If you could choose one thing, what is it that's changed the neighborhood?
Nowadays, you go down the street, all you see is these - SUVs here.
- ABIGAIL: Yeah.
And and they even have SUV strollers.
What was it you wanted to know?
Um, actually, um, this special person is gonna ask you the question.
Um, yeah.
So, um well, uh, well, what do you miss most about the neighborhood?
What was it about you that he fell in love with?
And why did your family choose to settle in Brooklyn?
I came here for vacation.
You came 40 years ago from Poland for a vacation and you stayed?
- Never left.
- Yes, I stayed vacation.
I miss old-school Brooklyn.
I miss block parties.
I miss not having someone complain about the noise or complain about anything.
I'm happy to give my apartment up.
It's month-to-month anyway.
It's month-to-month?
You've lived there for, like, eight years.
- Yeah, it's a good deal.
- (both laughing)
I guess I could give my apartment up.
I mean, I'm not gonna kick Elijah out.
He's been, like, such an amazing friend to me and he's finally really getting somewhere in his life and trying so hard, and Yeah, maybe we just find a new place.
There's a lot on Craigslist that doesn't require a broker.
Yeah, very cool.
Oh, right!
I've been on this list for artist housing for, like, forever.
They tend to favor married couples, though, so it might help if we did that.
Yeah, and I guess it's time to finally join a food co-op.
It's, like, I don't know, I've never wanted to 'cause I find the whole shift thing kind of demeaning, but Well, I can do them all if you handle the bills and stuff like that.
I'm a still not great with computers.
(background chatter)
(music playing)
(sniffles)
What's the rest of your night look like?
Uh I'm gonna go to my house and write, and then probably try to go to sleep.
You?
Well, I guess I'm gonna grocery shop.
Good soup.
sh*t!
(keyboard clicking)
(line ringing)
- JESSA: Hello?
- Hey, you home?
- Uh-huh.
- Go to the window.
If I buzz, will you let me in?
Yeah.
- (AC whirring)
- (dog barking)
(carousel music intensifies)
(music continues)
MAN: Whoo-hoo!
- You were good today.
Yes!
- Me?
Are you crazy?
It was all you!
You got complete strangers to open up.
- It was unbelievable.
- It was teamwork.
Well, you led the charge, I just followed.
(laughing)
I can't handle you saying "Led the charge" while you're sitting on a horse.
(laughing)
It's really fun hanging out with you.
Thanks.
Would you object greatly if I kissed you?
(music continues)
(music continues)