05x11 - The Test Dream

[bunniefuu]

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

You must be hungry.

- You're not gonna cook, are ya? Just sayin', don't trouble yourself.

How about some Egg Beaters and Tabasco? That's fine.

Didn't I say I hate this shoutin'- between-rooms sh*t? So, you even gonna look at the brochure? What is it, Sneakers or somethin'? Sandals.

It's the jewel of Antigua.

Three sun-filled days on white sand.

- I got AJ on weekends.

- So we'll go on Monday.

Get a great rate on an ocean view.

The air is the same temperature as your body so you don't need to wear clothes.

I gotta watch my skin in the sun.

You know you're getting a divorce and I see you less than before.

I didn't say no.

I want your undivided attention, for once.

Is it so much to f*cking ask for a little bit of atten - Oh, my God! - Oh, sh*t.

Oh, my God! - Oh, my God! - I got ya.

All right, OK.

All right.

I got it.

It's out! It's out! I got it.

You're OK.

You're OK.

- There he is.

- Hey, kid, it's good to see ya.

So you finally made the trip out here, huh? Tony, this is my oldest, Charlie.

Nice to meet you.

Walk with me.

- Well? - You in that suit.

Long way, huh? - He lucked out.

Got his mother's looks.

- Takes after her too.

He's in architectural salvage.

- Old fixtures, windows, toilets.

- Like Sanford and Son? Didn't I tell ya he's quick? - Good for you, Charlie.

And this is some more, for the Joey Peeps thing.

Not all of it.

He's OK.

- I did a clean job.

- f*ck it, it's embarrassing but that's the way Little Carmine and Rusty are doin' things now.

I'm sorry, but Rusty, I think he bangs his wife in instalments.

This guy was my old man, my rabbi and my priest rolled into one.

I don't miss a day of it but the parts with this fireplug were the best.

Get the f*ck outta here.

I almost forgot.

It spoke to me on account of your sense of humour and all.

I'm puttin' this in a position of prominence.

Hey, how ya doin'? Are you gonna operate on me? No, it's It's me, Tony.

They gotta fight infection.

- My hair.

- Well, the good news is it'll grow back.

And the burns are second degree so you don't need a skin graft or that hyperbolic chamber.

You're gonna look the same as you always did.

f*ck you.

All right, one second.

- All right.

- It hurts.

OK, sit tight, rest.

They gotta keep ya in here a couple days so we don't get no bacteria in there.

Are you gonna operate on me? I'm gonna take care of everything - the doctor bills, a wig, whatever.

And don't worry about nothin'.

I gotta go.

Just put it in there.

- Let me get some twine.

- Forget it, I'm not goin' that far.

I know.

I know, you f*ck.

Come on.

Let's go.

Move on.

f*cking great.

Listen, I don't know what the f*ck you were lookin' at - The f*ck is this? - Ange, sorry about that.

We were on our way to your place and Billy sees you drive by.

- I tried to get your attention.

- Why didn't ya use a phone? I'm an old man.

I don't see so good in the dark! Jesus, relax.

Johnny wants to see you.

- This late? I'll see him tomorrow.

- Apparently it's gotta be now.

You know, he's in one of his moods.

Fine.

I'll follow ya over.

Whatever, let's go.

No, you don't! Jesus, don't! Phil, please! Philly! Philly, you know me.

- You couldn't f*ckin' retire? - Philly, you know me! Look at this sh*t.

You know the work I just had? Gimme the f*ckin' keys.

Mirsa, you seen today's paper? Everything in the kitchen, Mr Tony! God-f*ckin'- dammit.

- Do you know this is today's paper? - Oh, no This is today's paper, Mirsa.

That's, I'm thinking.

- Why'd you throw it away? - Oh, no.

Jesus Christ, forget it.

I bake you some enchiladas you like.

Thank you.

That's nice of you.

These are for you.

Enchiladas.

I came for my money.

I'll talk to Carlo and tell him why you're kickin' up directly to me this week.

I gotta be careful gettin' into my cash on account of Carmela.

She's all over that.

- You buyin' that wave runner? - Oh, I'm movin' to The Plaza.

That f*ckin' house is fallin' down around my ears.

We did good at the casino last night.

I dread goin' home.

That Guatemalan, she forgets her English whenever it suits her and then she shows up whenever she feels like with the enchiladas.

So fire her ass, get a new one.

This is the new one.

I been in the burn ward a couple of nights with Valentina.

Poor thing caught herself on fire.

No sh*t? She's layin' there like a rag doll, the poor kid.

That smell - f*ck, that burnin' hair smell - I can still smell it.

Jesus, you know that's the last thing Carmine said before he had his stroke? He smelled burnin' hair.

You got a Coke or somethin'? Ma, can you get Tony a Coke? I'm upstairs! Jason, Justin, get up here! - You all right? - I just got the kids up my ass, that's all.

So, you come across any burn victims at that hospital in the can? Sure, Aryan guys are always settin' each other on fire.

So what's she in for? You know, the future, I mean.

They said she don't need no skin grafts.

Seriously, what the f*ck is with you? I just told you.

You know the tough part is this girl is a constant pain in my ass.

I was gonna end it right there, that night and now how the f*ck is it gonna look? That is a tough one.

How the f*ck does this sh*t always happen to me? You know what I been thinkin' about lately? Charmaine Bucco.

- Nice set on her.

- No, not like that.

Well, maybe like that.

But also, she's a fantastic cook.

She's better than Artie in some ways.

Plus she's a licensed notary public.

I'm thinkin' that this is the kind of woman I need.

And it almost worked between me and her, right? Comic books, juice boxes, robot crap all over the place.

Get your uncle a Coke and then your stuff.

I'm takin' ya back to your mom's early.

- I should take off.

- Yeah, I gotta run them over there now.

- I'll see ya later.

- All right.

- I'll come over to the hotel.

- Yeah.

- Lawrence wedding? - No.

- Long-term or short-term? - Can't you just park it? Keep it outta the horse sh*t over there.

Oh, yeah.

Beautiful, ladies.

Here we go.

Although you're paying cash, we need to see a credit card for incidentals - - minibar, parking et cetera.

- Right.

Oh, Jill, that's so funny.

Very good, Mr Petraglia.

We have you in a deluxe suite with a park view.

My name is Sharice and along with our 24-hour concierge service I'm here to see that you enjoy your stay.

- Great.

- The bellman will show you to your room.

Enjoy your stay, Mr Petraglia.

Anything else I can do, press nine, ask for Jes�s.

- For you.

- Thank you, sir.

Enjoy your stay.

Whoever you are, I'd like you to stop this.

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What are you waiting for? I've been trying to reach you.

Angelo got it.

Last night.

Probably Phil.

I'm not available right now.

Don't leave messages on this phone.

f*ck! - Hello? - Who's this? - Dot.

Who's this? - Tony looking for Tone.

He's not here.

He didn't come in tonight at all.

He might be in later.

You wanna try his portable phone? I did.

You see him, you have him call me, immediately.

OK, will do.

Yeah, Aunt Quin, it's Tony looking for Tone.

Madonna, I was hoping he was with you.

- You heard from him? - Not since he took the kids back this morning.

Call me if you hear, you understand? You got my cell? Yeah.

What's wrong? - You seen my cousin? - No.

But I heard about that thing last night.

The old timer was a stand-up guy.

Yeah, well, that's the least of it.

Hold on.

- Hey, you call for a date? - Yeah.

- Got company? - Yeah.

- Hold on a second.

- Can I get a drink? - I wanna know the minute he surfaces.

- You got it.

I saw him today.

He must've known cos he was acting all squirrelly.

He's got a right to be upset after what him and Ange been through.

- They were cell mates.

- I got a bad feeling about this.

Don't worry about it.

He ain't that stupid.

- Yeah, you're probably right.

- We'll let you know if we see him.

You want me to suck your d*ck now, baby? Is that what you want, baby? What the f*ck? Tony, I'm so lonely.

I miss my Violet.

- What violin? - Violet, my wife.

She was everything to me.

I'm all alone on the other side.

It ain't right.

Answer the f*cking thing.

If it's him, tell him you ain't seen me.

- Tell who? - The man upstairs.

We need you to do something.

- Like what? - Our friend.

He's gotta go.

- No problem.

- Don't f*ck it up.

It's important.

I know it's important.

He was staring straight at me and he didn't look dead.

Any deader than he ever did, anyways.

And he says "I miss my wife.

" Then the phone rings and there was this voice.

They wanted me to do something.

What? They wanted me to k*ll a guy.

It was just a dream, all right? He must be in heaven - he said the other side - but he was so f*cking sad.

Doesn't sound like heaven to me.

You would know more about it than I do.

What do you see in me, anyways? The object is to learn what you saw in me, not what I saw in you.

"One of these days, Alice.

One of these days.

" "Pow! Right in the kisser?" - "To the moon, Alice!" - I remember when ya hit me.

It was like, "Pow! To the moon.

" "Don't get me steamed, Alice!" Then, you choked the sh*t outta me! Yeah, but that's after you had tried to put a fork in my eye.

That was your mother! What happens here is like taking a sh*t.

I prefer to think of it as more like childbirth.

Maybe it is more like childbirth.

You tell me.

I don't have any children.

I d*ed too young.

My cousin does a mean Gleason.

Are you ready for what you have to do? No sweat.

I did my homework.

- You wanna ride up front? - No, Dad, I'm fine.

Kid gets sick in the back seat.

You know, douche-bag, I realise I'm dreaming.

I got no opinion, one way or the other.

Anybody mind? What? Where are we going? Driving you to the job.

Jesus, you scared me.

You're not ready.

We gotta meet Finn's parents.

- Why didn't you wake me? - Is that how you're gonna dress? My stuff isn't here.

You left your brown suit.

I did? And we're late.

- I had the worst f*cking dream.

- Tony, we're late.

- And we should take separate cars.

- Oh, yeah.

Howdy.

You were riding out here the other day, weren't ya? You speak English? - Tony - What? Gimme a minute.

Can't you pull yourself away? Your head is filled with this stuff.

It's just that it's so much more interesting.

- Than what? - Than life.

What, are you kidding me? It is your life.

Good morning, signor.

Tell me, what day is it? What day? Why, it's Christmas Day, of course, sir.

Christmas Dayl Christmas Dayl Then I haven't missed itl The spirits must've done everything in one night.

Will you please get dressed? Look at you.

All right, let's go.

I'll wait in the car.

I'll wait in the car.

- Now what's the matter? - Nothing.

- Are you coming? - Yeah.

Hi.

How are you both? There you are.

I was getting so nervous.

Hiya, babe.

- We were about to start calling the hospitals.

- Somebody forgot.

I'd like you to meet Finn's parents.

Mr DeTrolio and Mrs DeTrolio.

- How do you do? - How do you do? Nice to meet you.

We've been enjoying getting to know your daughter.

- So, how's the food here? - It's pretty good.

We went to high school with the owner and his wife.

You two were high-school sweethearts? - So, how long can you stay? - Something I have to take care of.

Show them what you have in your pocket.

With a husband in dental school, he'll be able to fix your mouth, honey.

Then for the capper.

Son of a bitch.

We know all about you, and I think it's great.

Well, that's a relief, huh, Tony? Speaking of dental school, people told us Finn would never amount to much.

He won't.

I think the die is cast.

If it wasn't for his Tooth Fairy money, he'd have nothing.

Let's not get into it in public.

- Well, you're the one that said - Never mind.

Please, just drop it.

- So, Meadow, do you play an instrument? - I was in chamber singers.

I used to sing in the Navy Glee Club.

You're Annette Bening.

I thought so.

What? Something bad is gonna happen.

After I sing, I can usually use a nice tinkle.

I'll go with ya.

I don't want my husnband coming back with just his cock in his hand.

Mine either.

Believe me.

That feels good.

- You don't do this no more, huh? - No.

You got a good boy out there.

Are you gonna be able to come through on the thing? I did my homework.

Well, the piece wasn't behind the toilet.

- This is real life.

- No, it's not.

This is it.

Stop! - I knew this was gonna happen.

- Why didn't you stop him? Please.

Do you have any idea what you just did? Tell them what happened 20 years ago.

I can't go into that right now.

What do I gotta count to before I can get up? - Tony? - You're really dead.

But I got kids.

They got kids.

Yo, wasn't that Tony there the guy you were supposed to cap - to prevent this from happening? - I don't know.

I guess not.

I don't have a piece.

- Annette Bening? - There's something "Bugsy" about him.

Get him! Over here! I'm wiped out.

What the f*ck you doing to yourself? - What's that noise? - It's those micks outside the hotel - with those carriage rides.

- Tell 'em to go away.

Oh, God, Tony, it's so much better than when we were kids.

See, what'd I tell ya? The best, huh? She likes it when you rub her muzzle.

I think I wanna come home.

- There are some non-negotiable conditions.

- Like what? - You can't have your horse in here.

- Why not? Are you kidding me? The smell and sh*t all over the place.

- I'll clean up after her.

- You always say that.

- I'll have to think about it.

- You brought it up.

I should go.

You didn't take care of that? But check this out.

Be careful.

I know you're there, Soprano.

Well, come on.

You're gonna do it, do it.

- Well, look at you.

- How you doing, Coach Molinaro? Me, I'm fine.

What's that you got there? A bigger dingus than the one God gave ya? You dumb ass.

You know, you oughta show some respect.

- Why? - Cos I'm not some kid any more.

No? What did I tell you? Cleave yourself away from them bums you hang with, I said.

Well, I'm in therapy now.

That's a damn shame.

You all listened to that pismire, Arthur Bucco! He was the worst of the bunch! I told you.

Artie owns a restaurant.

He's doing great.

- Bucco? - Yeah.

- So what? The exception that proves the rule.

- You know everything.

I suppose you blame it on your father when you're crying to that shrink.

No, more my mother.

Of course, even better.

My family was different than other kids' families.

I bet you got that psyhcologist wrapped around your finger.

That's what you always told me I was good at.

I also told you, most likely, you'd take the easy way out.

It hasn't been easy! - I see you on TV.

- Oh, yeah? Some show you put on.

The Five O'Clock News.

Then you realise I got nothing to apologise to you for.

I am a leader! Got a house worth a million two! Two kids, wife.

- Do you? - Do I what? - Have a wife? - Yeah.

She's got the big house, cos I'm successful.

You and I know your little secret.

I only told you I wanted to be a coach cos I liked playing ball.

I was just shining you on.

I told you many times, Anthony, you were special.

You had smarts, personality, leadership potential - all the prerequisites to lead young men on the field.

And now look at the stress you live with.

You are not prepared! You'll never shut me up! We're sorry to disturb you at this hour, sir, but there's a Mr Montevani to see you.

- He says it's urgent.

- Send him up.

Sorry to get you up but I knew you'd wanna know right away.

Know what? Tony B took out Billy Leotardo.

- Yeah.

- Wait a minute.

You mean Philly? Billy.

Phil got winged.

He's in the hospital.

TB went ape over Angelo.

Phil holds his little brother as the kid dies in his arms.

There's blood all over Phil.

Jesus.

So he knew.

God damn him.

He knew what he was gonna do when he sat there in his mother's house and pretended.

Lied right to my face.

I don't know what to say.

Guess TB's f*cked, poor guy.

Poor guy? We're all f*cked.

I'm here for you, whatever.

I know that.

Nice suite, T.

Anyway, I thought you needed to know right away.

You gonna eat that? - No, take it.

- Thanks.

All right.

See ya later.

Don't get alarmed.

I'm sorry to call you so early but I gotta cancel the fishing trip.

- Tell AJ.

- You all right? I had one of my Coach Molinaro dreams.

Oh, yeah? Were you unprepared as usual? Yeah.

As usual.

Mr Mol.

I wonder where he is now.

He wasn't such a bad guy.

- A bad guy, no.

He took an interest in you.

- A lotta that was bullshit.

It was just his way of keeping me from causing trouble.

Make his life easier.

I don't know about that.

I told him in the dream I am sort of a coach now.

That's a way of looking at it, I guess.

Is it daylight where you are? Nope.

Where are you? Looking out at Central Park.

All the lights are on.

- You were in the dream too.

- Oh yeah? I was on this horse.

Anyway, is Artie all right? In the dream, he was the only alive guy in this car full of dead guys.

I had dinner over there last night.

Who'd you eat with? Gab and Ro.

- That's nice.

- It was all right.

The veal was very dry.

Is that Esterhaz next door barking? - Can you hear him? - Absolutely.

Someone oughta serve him some veal - � la strychnine.

- Stop it.

- I'm serious.

Is it light where you are yet?