04x01 - Spring Break Forever

[bunniefuu]

VERONICA: I spent my first 19 years trying to escape my hometown of Neptune.

Made it out, then, after a decade away, decided Neptune needed me, and I needed it.

I was wrong on both counts.

Neptune didn't need another private investigator it needed an enema.

[SIREN WAILING.]

I'll start at the beginning of the end the Maloof case.

The Mad Bomber of Neptune.

The first expl*si*n k*lled four people at the Sea Sprite Motel, two days into the month-long bacchanalia that is Neptune spring break.

[SEAGULLS CALLING.]

If Neptune was the unofficial West Coast capital of spring break, then the Sea Sprite was its national monument.

Kids came to Neptune to get loose, get lit, and get laid.

SINGER: I've been counting matchsticks From the boxes The seconds in reverse on the clock, just a-waiting - [PHONE RINGING.]

- For you to tell me it's time VERONICA: Me, I was just trying to pay the rent.

SINGER: I've been keeping my head well trained [SIGHS.]

Well, sh*t.

SINGER: Watchin' truth come grain by grain Just once I wanna hear that something is mine - Whoa, tell me it's time - CHORUS: Time, time - SINGER: Tell me it's time - CHORUS: Time SINGER: Yeah!

Hey!

- [DOG BARKING.]

- [GASPS.]

God hates me.

SINGER: Lost and found you know I'll be right here Karsyn.

SINGER: And I can feel it's drawing near Just waiting for you - Veronica?

- You got a watch dog.

That's cool.

What's his name?

Dahmer.

Dahmer likes his Snausages, doesn't he?

Yes, he does!

Yes, he does!

Dahmer likes Snausages!

He needs some training.

Here it is.

- That's why my gate isn't working?

- That's right.

Your house doesn't hate you.

Your ex-husband, on the other hand Ohh, I knew it.

That cock waffle.

Your house is very smart.

With all the Echoes, your Nest thermostats, your Hue bulbs, Lutron dimmers, Sonos music system Can I help you find something, or No, I found it.

What are you doing?

Oh!

This is how your ex was getting in.

He set up the router, he knew all the passwords.

That's why your heater would crank up to 90 degrees when you were trying to sleep.

It's why your deceased mom's favorite song would wake you up at three in the morning, and it's why you would lose internet access - right when you needed to work.

- Oh, that vindictive sack of sh*t.

Wait, how would he know exactly when I would start working?

- Camera.

- [KARSYN MUTTERS.]

It also explains why your gentleman callers were having their cars keyed and their tires slashed.

Oh!

[RUMMAGING IN BROKEN CLOCK.]

Another camera?

Oh, guess not.

I should call the cops.

Just turn him in.

This sort of harassment is nearly impossible to prove.

Oh.

I want to "garrit" him.

You know what, I want to "garrit" him, I want to s*ab him in the face, and I want to cut off that d*ck he's just so proud of.

Think it's "gar-ott".

- What?

- Not "garr-it".

"Gar-ote" also acceptable.

Okay, well, my point is that No!

Not ohh.

- [SIGHS.]

- Another camera.

Ohh, that assh*le.

Haha.

He gave me that.

Just out of the blue, as a gift.

Because he said he loved me.

You know I gave him head that night in the shower?

Okay, so you're saying there's nothing I can do?

I didn't say that.

I never say that.

A long time ago We used to be friends But I haven't thought of you lately at all Bring it on, bring it on, yeah Just remember me when We used to be friends A long time ago We used to be friends A long time ago we used to be friends Hey That's his house.

- Wait, how did you - You received the flower delivery from his main office "in recognition of his strong quarterly sales.

" - Well, good for him.

- Not really.

I sent the flowers.

And in each of the flower pots I included two of these bad boys pointing in opposite directions.

That and a couple of microphones.

- [CLATTER ON VIDEO.]

- There he is.

There he is with his child bride.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, they're gonna do it on our Himalayan gold marble kitchen island.

- [PASSIONATE MOANING.]

- We'll see about that.

[WOMAN LAUGHS.]

- [RECORDED YODELING.]

- EX-HUSBAND: What the KARSYN: [LAUGHING.]

Oh, tell me we're recording this.

"We're recording this" is my middle name.

[YODELING STOPS.]

KARSYN: Ohh.

Just wait for it.

WOMAN: Whoo!

[GIGGLING.]

Okay, that's the part I don't want to see.

It ain't gonna happen.

Here.

[ALARM WAILING.]

[KARSYN LAUGHING.]

EX-HUSBAND: What is [CAMERA CLICKS.]

Now he knows.

You own him.

I just need final payment, and I can download the apps and passwords onto your phone.

Look, I I know that this isn't healthy, it's just this divorce got so ugly.

He only wanted to pay me 90K a month.

[LAUGHS.]

I'm like, "Uh, no, thanks.

I know what ya make.

" How much is it for you again?

Uh, six grand.

- Wasn't it 300 a day?

- An hour.

- [IN-HOUSE SOUND SYSTEM BEEPS.]

- Mm.

[BEEPING CONTINUES.]

What What is that?

I thought you fixed everything.

Right.

Um, it's just a smoke detector with a dead battery.

Here, um this should do the trick.

Okay, can you install it?

That's not really my thing.

[BEEPING CONTINUES.]

Thank you so much for coming down, Mr. Mars.

I'm not sure how much help I can be, Mr. Hu.

The message referenced a rat problem, and that's not my area of expertise.

People generally call an exterminator.

Oh, I've called exterminators.

Three so far.

They find no nests, no rat droppings, their traps catch no rats.

You sure you have a rat problem?

KEITH: Holy cuss!

A rat caused that?

Was it a 70-pounder?

- "Holy cuss"?

- Yeah, sorry.

My daughter and I have a bet who can go the longest without dropping an F-b*mb.

I didn't think she could go 20 minutes, and that was three months ago.

Well, that "cussing" rat was a big one.

And this sort of thing happens every three or four days.

Customer picks up a cabbage or a box of cereal, and a rat pops out.

Then customers run around like they've seen the chupacabra.

Have you thought about calling an exterminator?

I mean, just in case?

I told you, Mr.

Mars.

I spoke to several exterminators.

Right.

Sorry.

Uh, brain freeze.

Have you checked footage from your other cameras?

Maybe it's someone releasing them as a prank or to hurt your business.

This is my only camera.

It's to stop shoplifters.

[LAUGHS.]

There's no money for improvements.

No, truthfully I'm not sure if I can afford you.

I'm sure we'll be able to work something out.

My store is the only place in Neptune where my customers can afford to buy groceries.

But word is getting around about our rat problem.

Of course, if those NUTTs get their way, I'll probably have to fold tent anyway.

Hmm.

Which NUTTs are those?

[YODELING MUSIC PLAYING.]

Is that the sweet sound of victory I hear?

VERONICA: The spoils of w*r.

Who else is gonna keep paying for those safaris where you and your big-sh*t friends hunt the most dangerous game of all.

The homeless.

It's not so much the safari that gets ya, it's the private jet to Billionaire Island.

What exactly did you do for that lady?

Feminist stuff.

We got mad, we got even.

- Some scissoring.

- KEITH: All right.

How'd you make his much?

Celebrate with me!

How I made that is between me and my maker.

I'm your maker.

You are really not making my office drop-by everything I was envisioning.

And what were you envisioning?

Well, a balloon drop, for starters maybe an "attagirl".

Oh, no.

You're feelin' emasculated, is that it?

- Honey - Yeah?

If feeling emasculated by my daughter was gonna dampen my spirits, you woulda found me out in the garage a long time ago Cheap Trick in the tape deck, tube in the tailpipe.

- What's a tape deck?

- I hate you.

Hey, do you mind stopping by Hu'$ Reduced tomorrow and setting up cameras?

You took the rat job?

Yeah, it's probably just an aggrieved former employee - releasing the rats.

- VERONICA: Hu, huh?

Any chance Hu done it?

I'm not gonna play that game with you.

What the cuss!

You're no cussing fun.

I'm gonna Irish-exit this wingding.

Tell the host it was lame AF.

KEITH: Why are you sounding like that?

My millennial speak?

Just gettin' into the spring break spirit.

At my place, we have already hung our beer goggles over the fireplace, boofed the traditional Spring Break Kamikaze, And watched Revenge of the Nerds II: Nerds in Paradise.

- Logan back?

- No.

Just me and Pony.

Logan's in Somalia.

Maybe Burundi?

Aleppo.

Chernobyl?

I don't know.

Do you expect sympathy from a man who couldn't stop his teenage daughter from poking around m*rder cases?

Hey you wanna go see a bunch of NUTTs try to destroy Neptune tonight?

Intrigued.

Which nuts?

Neptune United for a Tidy Town.

Its members self-identify as NUTTs.

They're trying to jam through a bunch of beautification ordinances at tonight's City Council.

Ooh, God, no.

But you you should go.

Break stuff, old man.

The struggle is real.

Hashtag JOMO.

Pics or it didn't happen!

- Bye, Felicia!

- VERONICA: Ohh.

Hi, Pony.

Hi, bud.

How ya doin'?

Do you need to pee?

Yeah, you better.

'Cause if you don't need to pee, that means you peed in [DANCE MUSIC PLAYING.]

Daddy's home?

[BOISTEROUS CHATTER, LAUGHTER.]

Hey!

Hi!

MAN: What's up?!

Whoo!

RENEE: Ooh, I do not mind if I do.

LISA: Bitch, get in line.

- What, that guy?

- Yeah.

Blue trunks?

I've seen better.

Though he does look strong.

Like, really strong.

Hey, Blue Trunks!

I'm thinking he might be dumb.

You don't get lats like that from reading.

As me how many shits I give about his brain.

How many shits do you give about his brain?

- None.

- Then why bother having me ask you?

Hey there.

How much do you bench?

- Three-fifteen.

- Good.

So, my refrigerator is broken or something, and it just so happens my neighbor from a few blocks away put a perfectly good one curbside.

I'm assuming it works.

Feel like carrying it into my apartment for me?

What's in it for me?

A hand job?

With eye contact?

Fine, if you hang two other shelving units and carry my old refrigerator back down.

- What floor are you on?

- Third.

- Full-on sex.

- Sold.

But I come first, no back door, and I'll need a ride to work after.

How far away do you work?

Are you gonna keep talking this much?

Because we could forget the whole thing.

Let's go.

LISA: Hey, uh, I don't need to move anything, and I live on the first floor.

- Lisa.

- What?

That sounds like a much better deal.

What did I tell you about talking?

I'm gonna cuss your brains out.

SINGER: Waking life It grew from the shadow Brace yourself To the morning low LOGAN: Oh!

Night is gone, long way - We oughta get a bigger couch.

- LOGAN: Yeah.

You've waited long enough to know When the memory Leaves you Somewhere you can't make it home When the morning comes to meet you - VERONICA: Oh, I need the - LOGAN: You need Yeah.

No.

No.

[LAUGHING.]

I don't suppose you want to tell me how you got that giant bruise on your shoulder, do you?

LOGAN: What bruise?

Oh, this bruise.

I fell off a motorcycle.

Flew over the hood of a car.

I tucked and rolled.

Yeah, I saw that Mission: Impossible too.

LOGAN: Eh, I tried.

Have you considered that maybe my life just is really Mission: Impossible-esque?

Consider it?

I assume it.

There's sand in your bag!

I knew you were in the Middle East.

LOGAN: Or, I hate to bring up Occam's Razor here, but maybe I set my bag down on the beach 20 feet outside your front door.

[BRUSHING TEETH.]

No, this feels like Kuwaiti sand.

You really shouldn't be digging through the bag of a naval Intelligence officer.

That's what you say you are.

I'm still thinking you're an international playboy breaking hearts in exotic lands.

Sounds like you should lock me down.

Be careful.

Some girls might think you're proposing marriage.

Or, in words you can understand, an Echolls Ultimatum.

LOGAN: No, you had it the first time: marriage.

I just forgot what it was called.

Let's get married!

[SNORTS.]

Yep.

Okay, weirdo, let's get married.

LOGAN: I'm serious.

If you were serious, you'd be in the same room as your intended.

And there'd be a ring involved or so I'm told.

How many pockets have you searched?

The pocket on the right.

WTC, dude.

LOGAN: Hey.

I think it goes something like this.

[VERONICA CHUCKLES.]

Veronica - Veronica - Stop.

Stop.

Don't.

Don't.

Please.

We're not getting married.

I thought we were on the same page about that.

- Yeah.

- Look at my parents.

Look at your parents.

And every day I go to work, and I watch married people destroy each other.

So, um - No.

- Veronica, I VERONICA: I need to go, um, meet my dad at the City Council meeting.

I promised him that I would, and 'cause big stuff's happening and it could affect the business.

All right, I gotta go.

d*ck: You know what this is?

- That's a used condom.

- [SPECTATORS MURMURING.]

This morning I was taking a walk on one of Neptune's beautiful public beaches, and there it was.

Bullshit, you were takin' a walk on a public beach.

As a boy growing up in Neptune, this was paradise.

But for the past 20 years we've been in decline.

And that's what Neptune United for a Tidy Town is all about: returning Neptune to its former glory.

You know, my stint in the big house taught me a number of important life lessons.

First, don't assume they'll send you to one of those country club prisons.

- [LAUGHTER.]

- But second, beauty matters.

It lifts our spirits, it gives us pride.

Makes us better citizens.

These ordinances are the nudge we need to get back to a better time.

Thank you.

[SPECTATORS APPLAUDING.]

- No To NUTT.

- Mm-hmm.

Okay.

MAN: Give me the number of interested parties who have signed up to speak tonight.

We might run a few minutes long.

How the hell did we let a crooked real estate tycoon come in here and seduce us into longing for a bygone era?

An era that never existed.

Twenty years ago they were dumping waste water from the nuclear plant a hundred yards from the public beach.

That's why you never got any taller.

I thought you weren't coming.

[SIGHS.]

I needed to get out of my apartment.

- Logan's back.

- Logan's back?

And he asked me to marry him.

KEITH: What an assh*le.

I'm guessing you haven't picked a date yet.

MAYOR DOBBINS: Okay, up next, local nightclub owner Nicole Malloy.

Ms.

Malloy, you have three minutes.

Two and a half more than I'll need.

MAYOR DOBBINS: The best turkey I've never had was at Comrade Quacks.

- [SCATTERED CHUCKLES.]

- Thank you, Mayor Dobbins.

[SIGHS.]

Well, this is quite the bonanza of edicts big d*ck and his NUTTs have thrown together.

[LAUGHTER.]

Guess Chino gave you lots of brainstorming time.

- Yep.

- Hmm.

Here's one that stood out to me.

"No vulgar advertising".

Any business in particular you had in mind?

- Comrade Quacks?

- No.

Okay.

Well, I'll probably sell 20,000 T-shirts in the next four weeks.

I clear ten bucks a unit, that's 200 grand, which is about my entire profit margin last year.

So d*ck does the shirt pass muster?

[LOW CHATTER.]

That's up to the beautification committee.

Good, good.

'Cause I thought for a moment that a rich man wanting to get richer was trying to drive me out of business.

That's all.

Who is she?

[CHATTER, LAUGHTER, MUSIC PLAYING.]

Hey, what's the g*dd*mn holdup?

We want to get our ducks wet!

[CROWD CHEERS.]

- Ten sh*ts of Jäger.

- BARTENDER: You got it.

[TECHNO POP PLAYING.]

Look, guys, it's a numbers game.

That's all it is.

Craig, you said that we had a 1% chance of leaving with one of these girls?

I agree.

We have a 1% chance times the number of girls that we talk to.

And that is why, my friend, we are going to play the Rejection Game.

- Rejection, that sounds - Rejection heavy.

Yeah, it is.

But that's the beauty of it.

So much rejection that you grow numb to it.

I was numb by ninth grade.

How do we play?

Gabriel, that's the spirit!

We ask girls to dance with us, and whoever collects the most rejections, wins.

I'm in!

- We gotta get out of Sea Sprite.

- WOMAN: sh*ts, everyone!

Down the hatch!

Spring break!

Whoo!

I can't believe my mom screwed us over on the house.

It's because of me, isn't it?

- ALEX: Of course not.

- I'm just saying, you're not the only sickos that wanna get your geese greased.

I mean, I'd literally bone any rando here.

I couldn't help but overhear your plea for some strange d*ck.

Well, look no further, 'cause there's no d*ck stranger than mine.

It makes a hard turn to the left, and it just keeps going.

You gotta be sh1tting me!

[LAUGHTER.]

Uh, go.

Away with you!

k*lling it!

GUYS: Whoo!

GIRL: Comrade Quacks rules!

Come on, come on.

Uh, hello.

Ha ha ha ha!

Oh.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

My name my name is Jimmy.

[GOOFY LAUGH.]

GUY: Hey, Nicole, can I get another sh*t?

One second.

- [STATIC.]

- Table 23.

JIMMY: and smile!

You know what?

This is goin' on my Instagram.

Brah, get my phone!

- GUY 1: I got you bro.

- GUY 2: Yeah, right here.

- Yeah!

- [LAUGHTER.]

Hey!

That was my phone!

Yo, what the You bitch - GUY: Whoa!

- NICOLE: What are you doing?

Try me!

Try it!

- COP: Nicole, back off.

- NICOLE: What?!

[JIMMY GROANING.]

Belmont, put 'em in a Lyft back to the Sea Sprite.

But take their pictures first, they're 86ed.

And find her shitty friends and tell 'em to get her home now, otherwise I'm callin' the cops, she can sleep it off in the drunk t*nk.

So, tip your waitresses!

What?

MAN SINGING ALONG WITH RADIO: On a cold and gray Chicago mornin' A poor little baby child is born In the ghetto People, don't you understand The child needs a helping hand Or he'll grow to be an angry young man [BANGING ON TRUNK, MAN SHOUTING.]

SINGER: And his mama cries [MAN YELLS.]

[COCKS p*stol, FIRES sh*t.]

SINGER WITH CHORUS: Here comes the sun There go the raindrops You are the one Who makes the rain stop - Killin' it.

- SINGER: Wherever you go You light the way What I'd give to do - CORNY: Du - SINGER: This magic that you do - CORNY: Dude.

- SINGER WITH CHORUS: With just a smile CORNY: Dude.

SINGER WITH CHORUS: You chase the thunder Here comes the sun You're such a won DOCTOR: Okay.

Dr.

Miles wasn't great at updating his patients' charts.

You say the headaches and memory loss are relatively recent?

Last year, mostly.

More frequent lately.

It's getting worse.

I'm repeating things.

It says here you were in quite the car accident.

- When was that?

- 2013.

We should get you in for a CT scan.

How much is that?

DOCTOR: How's your insurance?

- Um - DOCTOR: Couple grand.

See if that helps.

Twice daily.

Razadyne?

[FOOTSTEPS DEPART.]

That's not how I'd do it.

- Are you cussin' with me?

- Don't you cussing point at me.

You know what?

I'm not cussin' around, old man.

Oh, cuss you and the horse you rode in on.

Grow up, Veronica.

So?

What's the word?

How long before we can burn this cussing cane of yours?

Aw.

You love me.

No, I just hate mounting cameras.

It's all good, it's progressing.

Everything's progressing as it should.

Are you sure?

Well, don't time me in the 40, but, yeah.

Veronica I am a prime physical specimen.

So when I head-butt you, you're just gonna dust yourself off?

I suppose so.

But why head-butt your father?

Because I just spoke to the owner of this establishment, and I know how much we're getting paid for this gig.

- Oh.

- [SIGHS.]

There is no George Bailey moment at the end of this story, Dad.

When we go belly up, no one's taking up a collection for us.

- [ZIPS PURSE.]

- There's always that law degree.

Maybe you can do something with that.

I have two more cameras to mount.

[LAUGHTER, CHATTER, MUSIC PLAYING.]

ANCHOR: was in Atlanta today, getting an early start on a 2020 reelection bid.

- He made it clear - Dad.

Cinnamon?

- It's anti-inflammatory.

- Well, it tastes like sh*t.

Well, then go drink coffee at your mom's house.

Oh, that's right.

She doesn't let you drink coffee.

Isn't it your mom's weekend?

- I don't know.

I'm just a kid.

- Matty.

- Go make some new coffee.

- No.

The news makes you grumpy.

- [DOOR OPENS.]

- Hi.

How can I help you?

Hi.

We're checking out a little early.

We got a room at the Neptune Grand.

Ooh lucky you.

I'd stay there too if I could afford it.

Cool.

Uh, so can you just refund those last five nights on my card?

Oh, well now, that is gonna be a problem.

[MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING.]

- [GIRL SQUEALS.]

- GUYS: Whoo-hoo!

You don't know sh*t, man.

The standing doctrine bones the lower courts and litigants because the court manipulates it whatever ass-backwards way they want.

But in Sierra Club vs.

Morton Oh, you're gonna bring up an environmental suit?

Come on.

Oh, dude, I'm hungry as sh*t.

I'll be right back.

GUY: Yeah, all right, man.

Yo!

Pizza man!

Yeah, that's us!

We moved out here.

- Room 29?

- JIMMY: Yeah, man.

Gimme to Jimmy!

You got a cheese and a pepperoni.

JIMMY: Yeah, man, classic sh*t.

Nice try.

It's mushroom and a meat lover.

You're a meat lover.

As you trek into the mine, you notice that your torches have been spent.

You come to a door.

Perception check.

- I'm drunk.

[LAUGHS.]

- I'm very drunk.

- The Wi-Fi's down.

- Yes, the Wi-Fi is down.

As it should be.

No one studies on spring break.

And what, clearing the mines of Moria, that's crushing spring break?

They have a real cave troll problem.

SIMON: Mm-hm.

Mm-hm.

I'm going to the office to see if they can fix it.

Oh!

[RAPS ON TABLE.]

Hark!

A weary visitor hails.

Hi.

Somebody ordered pizza?

Uh, you must want the guys' room.

This is the girls' room.

- There's a lot of guys here.

- JILLIAN: Hold on.

Who ordered pizza?!

- Guys!

Pizza!

- [CHATTER.]

I mean, just someone deal with him, please.

He's, like, super-weird.

Sorry.

LaShawn's gonna help you.

LaShawn!

- Hey.

- Tawny called, she needs her makeup case.

- Can you handle this?

- Yeah.

JILLIAN: Thank you.

- Hey, man.

- [PIZZA GUY LAUGHS.]

Yeah, I don't think anyone ordered a pizza here.

Mind if I take a look?

Oh!

Here we go.

You got the wrong room, brother.

We're 26.

You're lookin' for 29.

- Wh Uh - Oh.

Yeah.

GUY BY POOL: Let's do sh*ts!

- Pizza's here!

- Tough!

Finally!

Yeah, you can, uh, just The money's on the counter there.

Is there another pile of change representing the tip?

There will be no money.

But when you die You will achieve total enlightenment.

Yeah, I saw the movie.

Yeah, Bible for douchebags.

W-Warth vs.

Seldin?

Warth vs.

Seldin.

Stick to contract law, bro.

Oh Daddy likey.

- Yo, hand me my shoes.

- GUY: Where ya goin'?

The office.

I need somethin' to snack on.

No.

Dude, that's what the confirmation from your motel said.

We forfeit one night's rent.

We'll show you.

I wrote the thing.

That's not what it says.

You'll fill the room anyway, man.

Can't you just, you know, let this slide?

He already let it slide.

Maddy, I got this.

Why don't you go to your car and get your homework.

Hi.

Sorry.

I know you're all in the middle of a thing, but really quick: the internet is down.

Uh, he's he's right, Dad.

The internet is down.

[CELL PHONE CHIMING.]

[ALEX SPEAKING ARABIC.]

Homework?

Now.

- Jillian to the rescue.

- Thank you.

[ALEX CONTINUES IN ARABIC.]

Finally.

Don't even start.

Anchovy, right?

Har-dee-har.

Ooh!

Yes.

Don't eat it all.

[CHATTER, LAUGHTER.]

- Spring break?

- Spring break.

I told you.

His family hates me.

They hired a detective to investigate my family.

No.

They're gonna meet you, and they're gonna love the sh*t out of you.

Fifty grand to walk away, and you said no?

That's a baller move.

- Hey.

- Hey.

I'm Jimmy.

Jimmy Hatfield.

- What's your name?

- Jillian.

Oh, Jillian.

That's cool.

You wanna come to an impromptu party later in room 16?

- I may swing by.

- All right, cool.

- I'll put you on the list.

- Nice shiner.

You should see the other guy.

[SOFTLY.]

Spring break, b*tches!

- Good luck.

- Onward through the fog.

[JIMMY BANGING ON MACHINE.]

Gimme food!

Hey!

- Stop it!

- [BANGING CONTINUES.]

[SCREAMS.]

[PEOPLE SCREAMING.]

[GASPING.]

Jesus.

Where there any fatalities?

They're saying four dead.

I can't believe there's not more.

That place is mobbed this time of year.

The motel owner d*ed.

Plus a Mexican national going to school at Cal Tech, a law school student, and the fiancée of Alex Maloof.

Younger brother of Congressman Daniel Maloof.

VERONICA: Any speculation on the motive?

You know what, Dad?

I gotta go.

Uh, the host is tapping his watch at me.

- KEITH: Love you.

- Love you too.

Bye.

We could bring the first course out here.

You're doing courses now?

Fancy.

Oh, yeah.

Salad, the whole shebang.

[BOTH LAUGH.]

VERONICA: Oh-niner scum.

- WALLACE: You told Logan, no?

- VERONICA: Zip it.

LOGAN: And boom!

And-a-boom!

And-a-b*mb!

Aw, hell, no.

LOGAN: And-a-boom.

Hey, sweetie, you ever seen one of these before?

It's called, uh What do you call it?

I call it Noah.

- No.

- No?

No, you called it somethin' else.

- WALLACE: The baby?

- That's it.

- It's a baby, Veronica.

- Mmm.

- It's what everyone's goin' on about.

- It's adorable, Wallace.

Where do you put your little Noah Fennel when you're done playing with it?

In the garage, or I put him in his room.

You know, the place with all the toys and little outfits Auntie Veronica bought him.

I bought him one ironic track suit.

Which he does not seem to be wearing, by the way.

One, my ass.

So now I'm in the middle of writing a deposition, and Wallace's mom calls again.

WALLACE: She called you again?

She calls me again to say there's no salmon in the house.

[LAUGHING.]

That is not what she said.

That is exactly what she said.

She said she was worried that Noah wasn't getting enough omegas.

From salmon.

[BOTH LAUGH.]

What crazy case are you workin' on these days, Veronica?

[POP MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY IN BACKGROUND.]

[LAUGHS.]

Sorry, I'm a little distracted because of the B-O-M-B-I-N-G.

We put the baby to bed about an hour ago, V.

You don't have to spell anymore.

[SHAE LAUGHS.]

This was really good.

Thank you, Shae.

Feel like we should probably get going though, right?

This guy's pretty tired because he just flew in yesterday from Where did you say it was again, honey?

Bikini Atoll?

Kamchatka?

Isle of Lesbos [BOTH LAUGH.]

The North Po Damnit, I've said too much.

- [LAUGHTER.]

- See?

- Sleep deprivation makes you easy.

- No, I'm still going strong.

Did someone say Cards Against Humanity?

- WALLACE: Oh, yeah.

- LOGAN: Oh SINGER: Mr.

Finish Line - Ah, Dr.

Jones.

Good evening.

- SINGER: Mr.

Finish Line There she is.

Whoa.

Whoa.

Whoever did this to you better have deep pockets.

Don't lose this.

Ahh Garcy, how ya doin'.

- Ya hangin' in there?

- Hey.

CLIFF: Ee-yikes.

Uh-oh.

Ooh.

SINGER: Bring it to a boil CLIFF: Lovely.

Two words: "Butterscotch ganache".

SINGER: Then you fire-roast it, freeze it, toast it Open up and shine He's Mr.

Finish Line PENN: Listen, I'm fine, really.

Well, they gave me Vicodin.

Yeah, and I'm assuming they shaved my back, which, you know, that'll be nice, what with summer coming up.

Ahem.

Cliff McCormack, Esquire, for any legal needs.

[WHISPERS.]

I'm on the phone.

On the phone.

Leave that right there.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Yeah no, I'll I'll be back at work before you know it.

[LAUGHING.]

Yeah!

That's Yes, peak season.

Uh-huh.

CLIFF: Vanessa.

Enough with the keto diet.

Please.

Real women have curves.

I can't have you in here talking her ear off.

She needs rest.

Do you have any idea how many women fall asleep when I talk?

Cliff McCormack.

I'm here to help.

Now, I know this may seem strange to you, but I have been practicing law for over 20 years MARCIA: Now, one of your brother's friends told us that your family owns a home here in Neptune, is that right?

- DANIEL: Yes.

- Okay.

And that at the last minute you told Alex and his friends that they couldn't stay there.

I'm sorry, how is that important?

Well, if whoever placed this b*mb didn't know that Alex and his friends would be there, it could narrow our field of suspects.

There was a miscommunication with Alex.

We're in the middle of a remodeling project.

Ah.

Politics seems like a pretty ugly business.

You make many enemies along the way?

- None that would stoop to thi - We would like to speak to the person in charge.

Are you in charge?

- Oh.

No.

- DANIEL: Mother, please.

Ma'am, I'm in charge.

I'm the chief of police.

And if you'd like to get higher then me in Neptune, you're gonna need a ladder to heaven.

When my son wakes up, he's going to learn that he has lost a hand, and that the sport he loves, he can no longer play.

There is that.

Plus, his fiancée is dead.

Yes.

That too.

Of course.

[SPEAKING ARABIC.]

Think I'll let you spend some time with your family.

And we will come back once you've had a chance to settle in.

- Thank you, Congressman.

- Thank you.

MARCIA: Let's go.

Chief Langdon.

Lieutenant Sargent.

What are the odds?

[SCOFFS.]

Ambulance chaser.

[DANIEL TALKING, INDISTINCT.]

Look, whenever I don't know what to do next, I opt for suing someone.

Congressman.

Cliff McCormack.

You shouldn't be paying for any of this.

- We're not worried about money.

- Good to know.

- You're a lawyer.

- Indeed I am.

We need to find out who did this to my brother.

Your chief of police doesn't inspire much confidence, so do you know anyone who can help?

As a matter of fact DANIEL: That's all I want, Mr.

Mars.

Find out who planted that b*mb.

Bring me that information.

I did some checking.

You're well respected here.

By some.

You realize we won't have access to the same forensic evidence as the police department.

But th-they won't share that with us.

Maybe they'll solve it.

Although I have my doubts.

This is a problem for my family, Mr.

Mars.

We're choosing to throw money at it.

Are you interested?

Of course.

Is there a reason to suspect that your brother was the target?

- Only in the broadest sense.

- AMALIA: Excuse me.

I would like some tea.

- Mrs.

Maloof, my daughter is - Is happy to get you some tea.

I hope English Breakfast is your thing.

But as far a specific reason someone might want your son harmed ?

We're wealthy.

I'm an Arab-American congressman.

And, uh, I suppose there's the matter of your rate.

VERONICA: It's 300 an hour and 5,000 retainer!

She does the books.

SILVIA: Ahh.

JOSEFINA: Esta bien.

SILVIA: Hmm?

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE.]

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING IN BACKGROUND.]

[SPANISH CHATTER.]

- [CHATTER.]

- BOY: Yeah!

Whoa-whoa!

Bup-bup.

[MOTORCYCLE REVS ENGINE.]

- [DOGS BARKING.]

- [BOYS SPEAKING SPANISH.]

DODIE: Sí, señor.

VERONICA: End of an era.

I've photographed some enthusiastic acts of adultery here.

How's Logan takin' the rejected marriage proposal?

Magnanimously.

Seems unfazed.

Undaunted.

He's behaving like an emotionally mature adult.

I caught him playing with a baby.

[GASPS.]

You dump that clown.

[KISSES HEAD.]

- [REPORTERS CHATTERING.]

- Look at all these reporters.

Congressman's brother.

Press is gonna be all over this.

Who's he?

See all that?

Just Pizza guy.

He just left the office when the b*mb went off, took some shrapnel in his back.

He's been all over the news.

And that?

Dunno.

Let me find out.

[SIREN WAILS IN DISTANCE.]

VERONICA: This Sea Sprite bombing.

I like to think I would have walked away if we didn't need the money.

Knowing what I know now I wish I had.

But there was a girl and I started to care about the girl.

And if you know anything about what I do that's never good.

[MUSIC PLAYING.]