04x06 - Water Under the Dock

[bunniefuu]

Finn, why aren't you fishing?

Because I'm a vegetarian.

My job is to sit here and silently judge you.

Well, I love to fish.

Not to brag, but I'm a fish whisperer.

Are you saying, you're an a-fish-ionado?

Wow, tough dock.

You can't be a fish whisperer.

Fish don't have ears.

Actually, they do.

They're just invisible to the naked eye.

(CHUCKLES)

Naked eye.

Wait, I think I've got something.

Aw, it's just a shoe, and it's not even my size.

- Throw it back.

- No.

There's so much trash in this lake, we should be cleaning it up.

(GRUNTS)

Ooh, whee, you reeled in a big one.

A magical talking fish!

Let's ask it for three wishes.

Gwen, it's just more trash.

Destiny, shh.

He can hear you with his invisible ears.

Does anyone want to tell her?

Which part?

Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka Noah, remember when I told you I was going to take a break from pageants and focus on charity work?

Of course, I remember.

That was some of my best mentoring ever.

But this is about you.

I want to clean up the lake.

I found a machine online.

It's like a vacuum cleaner, but for picking up trash in water.

Only it's pretty expensive, so we'll have to figure out a way to pay for it.

Why don't you put on a fundraiser?

You think I can do that?

Of course, you can.

People listen to you.

Mostly 'cause they're afraid of you.

Aw, you're just saying that.

Guys!

I saw a comet last night and I wished on it.

- That wasn't a comet, it was a - BOTH: Meteor.

A fellow stargazer, nice.

Good morning, campers!

I'm thrilled to announce our annual square dance is in three days.

Lessons start tomorrow.

Yes, Finn.

Can I be the person that yells the dance moves at everybody?

That's a "caller.

" And no, there's only one caller here and her name is Louella Dorcas Hockhauser.

And I've officially said too much.

Yes, Destiny?

What if this year we open the square dance up to all of Moose Rump and make it a fundraiser to clean up the lake?

Then everyone can have a lot of fun while making a difference.

Don't you want to make a difference, Lou?

Kinda puttin' me on the spot here, Destiny, but that's a great idea, so, yes.

Yes, Finn.

Did you just say your middle name was Dorcas?

Kept that a secret for 15 summers and you just gave it to 'em.

(INSTRUMENTAL FOLK DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

And this one is called "Twirl your Girl.

" (YELPING)

This girl is about to hurl.

Square dancing is all geometry.

Cool.

Square dancing is all geometry?

Boo.

How does this look for the fundraiser flyers?

Great, you're doing so much.

Are you gonna get to enjoy the dancing?

Yes, I asked Dylan to be my partner.

I don't want to brag, but he's got the driest palms in camp.

Are you gonna ask anybody?

Yeah, I think so.

All right, Ava.

Let's "Round the Square.

" I actually need a break from spinning.

So you're gonna have to Round the Triangle.

- Hey, Gwen.

- Hey, Matteo.

Do you wanna be my partner for the square dance?

Yeah, sure, okay.

Great, see you at the dance.

Not if I see you first.

(GIGGLES)

You would never see me first.

Bye!

We'll raise money with ticket sales, and I was thinking we could make even more if we also had an auction.

The only problem is I don't have anything to auction off.

Although, we do have plenty of bike tires.

We can write to all the businesses in Moose Rump and ask for donations.

Yes.

Oh, and you should auction off a camp activity with a celebrity.

Maybe one who was in a camp-themed movie like Summer Camp: Part 6, for example.

I love that idea.

Thank goodness you're here.

I think that about myself all the time.

(SCATTING)

Why are you so happy?

Because I got to do an hour of dance math.

And also Gwen asked me to be her partner.

Ooh.

Why'd you say it like that?

Say it like what?

Like that, like a sassy ghost.

There's so much you don't know, my friend.

Come.

Sit.

I went to my first boy-girl party earlier this year, and I learned a thing or two about boy-girl stuff.

Whoa, a real boy-girl party?

Yeah, although no girls showed up.

Joey's mom said it was their loss.

Still, that's so grown up.

I know.

So take it from me, Gwen asking you to be partners definitely means she likes you.

Of course she does, we're really good friends.

I like her too.

Hmm.

Sweet, sweet Matteo.

I mean, she like likes you - Like how you feel about geometry.

- (GASPS)

I'm not ready to feel that about a person.

Well, those are the facts.

Joey's big brother Kevin told us everything he knows.

And Kevin's really mature.

He weighs enough to ride shotgun.

Shotgun.

That means he knows stuff.

Yep.

So now that you and Gwen are "together," there are a lot of rules.

Got weekend plans?

She's your plans.

And you'll have to buy a ton of expensive flowers and chocolate.

(SIGHS WORRIEDLY)

You'll have to get a job!

This is too much.

I thought I only said yes to a dance.

One minute you're dancing, the next you're mowing lawns to buy a car with a giant bow on it.

But congrats, dude.

Noah, great news.

I found a celebrity for the auction.

I bet you did.

Does his name rhyme with "Whoa-a"?

Uh, no.

It's Austin Justin!

Austin Justin?

Austin Justin who was in the romantic saga Letters from Space, is a Pisces, and loves applesauce?

I need to go floss.

I reached out on social media and he said he'd definitely come so he could catch up with you.

Ugh, why would you ask that guy?

You said to ask a celebrity from Summer Camp: Part 6.

Who were you thinking of?

Me?

Oh.

I did not pick up on that.

Austin Justin is the worst.

What?

He's loved by everyone from two to 82.

Well, then I must be one or 83, 'cause I can't stand that guy.

Then you probably shouldn't turn around.

Bro, bring it in.

What are you even doing here?

You live in Hollywood.

I was nearby on my book tour.

I guess people still like books.

Weird.

Well, if you need to get back on tour, we don't want to keep you.

Oh, nah, man.

I can take a couple days for a good cause and to reconnect with my Bro-ah.

(CHUCKLES)

That's what I call this guy.

First time I'm hearing it.

Oh!

(SQUEALS)

(CLEARS THROAT)

Hi, Austin Justin.

My name is Ava.

- Hey, Ava.

Call me AJ.

- (GIGGLES)

Austin Justin just said I could call him AJ.

Thanks, Austin Justin.

So, Austin, we have you staying in Skunk Cabin.

Ironically, it's our best-smelling cabin.

Aw, skunks.

Man's best friend.

(CHUCKLES)

No.

They're not.

Come on.

I'll take you.

Bye, AJ.

Toodle-oo!

Toodle-oo?

Ugh.

BOTH: Why are you so weird about Austin?

Me?

I'm not weird.

I'm just a regular fan who bought a half-eaten pancake of his online, and ate it so that he could be part of me.

Fine, I'm weird about Austin.

Why do you dislike him so much?

Because he stole my acting career.

You're supposed to be eating my half-eaten pancakes.

Okay, I may regret this, but explain.

In Summer Camp: Part 6, my role wasn't originally Kid Who Falls In Lake.

It was Kid Who Stands On Dock.

And I even had a line.

- What was it?

- "Hamburgers are ready.

" But in rehearsal, I fell in the lake and while I was changing, they replaced me with another extra, a nobody named Austin Justin.

(SQUEALS)

He said I could call him AJ.

Please continue.

The director loved him so much that she cast him in her next movie, Letters from Space, and now he's famous for movies where astronauts try to kiss with helmets on.

So you're mad at him because you tripped and fell in the lake?

I did not trip.

Someone jostled me, and I know it was Okay, I think it was Austin.

It sounds like you're just a little bit jealous of him.

I'm not jealous, I was jostled!

You believe me, right?

Come on, it couldn't have been Austin.

He loves skunks.

He took his grandma to prom.

Are my eyes hearts right now?

Ugh, who am I?

Hey, Matteo.

Did you know there's gonna be a meteor shower this Saturday?

Here come the weekend plans.

Uh, sorry, Gwen, I'm going to talk to my friend about a thing.

What friend?

Already up in your business.

Just a friend, okay?

You're being weird.

Is this about the dance?

It's not about anything.

Can't a guy just be weird?

All right, everybody.

Are you ready for our Q&A with superstar Austin Justin?

(ALL CHEERING)

Don't judge me.

I figured since we have a celebrity guest, that this camp activity beats the tar out of weaving potholders.

And you can all get to know Austin before you bid on a canoe ride with him tomorrow at the square dance.

Don't worry, I'll do all the paddling.

You just relax while I tell you you're enough.

GIRLS: Aw.

All right, Destiny, why don't you start us off with our first question?

Hi, Austin.

Long-time fan.

How did you get started in Hollywood?

It's a great question.

But first I had to pay my dues.

Then a couple weeks later, I was lucky enough to be given this line on Summer Camp: Part 6.

Given?

More like stolen.

Can you say your line for us?

Totes McGotes.

(CLEARS THROAT)

"Come eat the hamburgers!" (ALL EXCLAIMING)

It's "Hamburgers are ready!" Noah, do you have a question?

Oh, guys, did you all know that Noah is an aspiring actor?

With a little more effort, he'll be as good as me in no time.

Right, Noah?

You've got to be kidding me.

Uh, what's that?

Speak up, little buddy.

He's shy.

I think I make him nervous.

Austin Justin stole my part after he pushed me in the lake!

(ALL GASPING)

Are you sure?

Well, pretty sure.

I didn't see him.

But I have a gut feeling.

- (ALL GROANING)

- Noah.

Hey, hey, look.

I'm glad you spoke out.

I hope this is healing for you, Noah.

But the truth is, I didn't push you in that lake.

It's not the AJ way.

This is The AJ Way.

Available wherever you get your "tight reads.

" Don't applaud him.

Who says "tight reads"?

Maybe you should leave.

Fine.

I will.

But before I go, I just wanna say one thing.

"Hamburgers are ready!" No possums here.

Woodchuck Cabin, you are luckier than most.

Lou have you ever made plans with a boy and they say yes, but then they start avoiding you?

Oh, Gwen.

(ENUNCIATES)

All the time.

Then what do you do?

Well, I'll tell you what you don't do is go to Richie Caldwell's house at midnight and bang on his window screaming, "What is wrong with me?

Are we on for Saturday?" But why would a boy do this?

It's not all boys, and not just boys.

Just the cowards.

I only wanted to dance with my friend, that's all.

I don't know what to do.

If this guy is being a flake, you should just tell him it's off.

I wish I would've canceled on Richie Caldwell before he canceled on me.

Yeah.

Why does he get to make me feel bad?

He doesn't.

We live in a post-Beyonce society.

Gwen run the world.

Did you get that reference?

Lou, I may have grown up in the middle of nowhere, but I know who Queen Bey is.

Drowning your Austin Justin sorrows in apple slices and peanut butter?

Don't people usually do that with junk food?

I'm sad, but unhealthy choices won't give me what I want.

Look, all this happened a long time ago.

Bitterness is like a black hole.

If you let it pull you in, it's really hard to get back out.

That is so true.

Hmm.

Wait, did you just quote an Austin Justin movie?

They're very popular.

Well, I am miserable.

You're probably right.

I should figure out how to let this go.

I'm proud of you.

That's very mature.

Although you have quite a bit of peanut butter on your shirt.

Yeah, my mom usually feeds me these when I'm upset.

- I don't suppose you could - Nope.

- Gah!

- Trapped.

What do you want?

I don't wanna be your dance partner anymore.

(SIGHS)

Oh.

Oh.

You don't wanna dance with me at all?

Um I guess not.

Well fine.

Yeah.

Fine.

And I'd appreciate it if you left.

Wait, this is my cabin.

Gwen run the world!

Okay, okay.

Hey, Austin.

Thanks for meeting me out here.

No sweat, Noah.

You are my Bro-ah.

(CHUCKLES)

Second time I'm hearing it.

Anyway, I just wanted to apologize for how I acted, I really did think you pushed me in that lake but, you came all this way to help Destiny.

I guess you really are a good guy.

Wow, good for you, man.

Do you feel better?

Yeah, I actually do.

Great.

Yo, real talk.

I totally pushed you in that lake.

- What?

- But I forgave myself.

Forgiveness is awesome, isn't it?

Wow, felt good to get that off my pecs.

I knew it.

You are a bad guy.

No, man.

I just needed to step on you a little to get where I needed to go.

That's what a bad guy does.

You have to tell people so they know I've been telling the truth.

(CHUCKLES)

No can do, Bro-seidon.

That would ruin all the good publicity I'm gonna get for being at this sad, little hoedown in a dump like Moose Butt.

(CHUCKLES)

So you don't care about Destiny's cause at all?

The only destiny I care about is Austin Justin's.

Ooh, that's good.

I'm gonna tell that to the guy who writes my books.

Come on, bro, let's hug it out.

(YELPS)

Austin, what happened?

Destiny, I hate to bring negativity into your orbit right now, but Noah just pushed me in the lake.

Why do you get to be fast, too?

Did you push Austin in the lake?

- Well, yes, but - I should go.

It's what Noah wants.

Don't go.

I'll never make enough money to clean up the lake without you.

Austin, you go to the square dance.

Destiny, I'll stay out of your way.

(FOLK MUSIC PLAYING)

Weave your lines and make a braid, don't start dancing till you've paid.

Seriously, pony up.

(ALL APPLAUDING)

Thank you, thank you.

Don't go far, it's just a break.

Be right back while I grab some punch.

Darn it.

Why didn't we serve steak?

Hey, Finn, any idea why Matteo and Gwen are sitting like bumps on a log?

Oh, that's thanks to me.

Gwen asked Matteo to the dance, but don't worry.

I told him he's too young to settle down with a lady.

Wait, Matteo is Gwen's Richie Caldwell?

Who's Richie Caldwell?

How many guys did she invite to this dance?

(SOUTHERN ACCENT)

Gwen doesn't want to "settle down. " She wanted a hoedown.

Oh.

Relationships are so complicated.

- This is why I'm single.

- (NORMAL ACCENT)

Same.

We've got to find a way to make this right.

Destiny.

Healthy salad, huh?

You must really be hurting.

Yeah.

I didn't even use any dressing.

I know what'll make you feel better.

- Come to the dance.

- No way.

I don't want to ruin Destiny's event more than I already have.

Trust me, you want to come.

You'll see.

I don't think so.

Honestly, you were right.

I really am jealous of Austin.

He's got everything.

Okay, sure, he has talent, fame, eyelashes for days, great hair.

Not helping, Ava!

But that doesn't mean you won't make your mark someday.

Come on, let's go.

No way.

Fine.

If you won't come, then at least your ear can come.

What does that mean?

Ow, ow, ow.

This is my mom's move.

It's so much better being on this side.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Matteo, come dance with me.

I don't really feel like it.

Me neither.

Let's go.

All right, everybody, let's pick up the pace.

Now head couples get face to face.

(ALL CLAPPING RHYTHMICALLY)

Heads pass through.

BOTH: Sorry.

Now swing your partner 'round the bend.

If your name's Matteo, dance with Gwen.

Dance with Gwen!

Now spin around and bump your rears, while everybody claps and cheers.

(ALL CHEERING)

(WHISTLING)

Louella Dorcas Hockhauser, you have done it again.

Aw, man, now I've said it into a microphone.

That was so fun.

I know.

I'm sorry I said I didn't want to be dance partners.

I was just upset you were avoiding me.

I'm sorry about that.

Are we still friends?

Of course, we are.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have taken advice from the only person who knows less about boy-girl stuff than I do.

- Finn?

- Yeah.

I'm disappointed in me, too.

Okay, everybody.

It's time for our big ticket auction item, a canoe ride with beloved actor, passionate environmentalist Celebrated author.

And all-around cutie, Austin Wait!

Sorry, Destiny.

But before we begin, I need to show a clip from a little-known gem called Summer Camp 12: The Tea Gets Spilled.

Yo, real talk, I totally pushed you in that lake.

(ALL GASPING)

So it's true?

How could you do that to Noah?

You stole his big moment and lied to all of us about it.

No.

It's not what it looks like.

I was gonna tell you guys.

You have to tell people so they know I've been telling the truth.

(CHUCKLES)

No can do, Bro-seidon.

That would ruin all the good publicity I'm gonna get for being at this sad, little hoedown in a dump like Moose Butt.

(ALL BOOING)

I I didn't mean that.

I I got mad love for the town of Moose Butt.

(YELPS)

(ALL CHEERING)

I think you need to leave.

Okay, what about the auction?

You're gonna lose all this money.

What money?

Does anyone wanna bid on this dorkus?

Hey!

That guy brings shame to the name Dorcas.

I think you need to be on your AJ way.

ALL: Yeah!

None of you can call me AJ.

Thank you.

Anytime, bro-seidon.

- Big hug?

- Fist bump.

Okey-doke.

Noah, I am so sorry.

And I'm sorry you don't have a big auction item anymore.

Oh, wait, I think we do.

Who here wants a canoe ride with the hero who pushed Austin Justin in the lake?

- Let's hear it for Noah.

- (ALL APPLAUDING)

Don't do that.

So, thanks to Noah we hit our fundraising goal.

The bad news is, the price I saw for the lake cleaning machine was just the deposit.

So, until our next fundraiser, grab a trash bag.

And thank you for waiting, Mrs.

Wooster.

Enjoy your canoe ride with Noah.

I will need your help to paddle.

But I can help you into the canoe.

Whoa!

You are not good on a dock.

I was jostled!