04x05 - Stags and Hens

[bunniefuu]

How are you getting on, babe?

OK, we're ready.

Babe, look at you!

Oh, you look like a princess!

What, like a proper one, or a sh*t boring one like Kate Middleton?

No, you look like an actual one, like a Disney one.

OK.

Doesn't she?

Yeah, you look lovely.

Beautiful.

So the marriage is back on, then?

Yeah.

So I still have my wedding plans, so we're good to go.

I mean, Grindah still can't believe how quickly I've done it all, so He said I'm so organised that it's insane.

It's actually just practical.

Have you sorted it?

No, I'm going to see how this looks and then Cos I'm sure it'll look good on him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then I'll go from there and decide what I'm going to do.

Yeah, yeah.

How we looking in there?

Is it looking good?

I can't wait to see Grindah in his outfit, I mean he looks good in everything so I know he's going to look sick in this outfit.

Definitely.

Yeah.

He looks like a JD Sports model anyway.

Come on, let's see it, then.

I think it's a bit much, man.

Yeah.

Turn around, Steves.

He's going to hate it.

The colouring's wrong, for a start.

It's more darker than that.

More olive.

Yeah.

And he's older now, so it's going to be even darker than when I last saw it.

Take it off.

Try something else?

Yeah.

That's not going to work.

Stag, stag Slag, slag, slag, slag, slag Why do you keep saying "slag"?

I thought we were calling Chabsy a slag.

No - stag.

"Stag, stag, stag, stag.

" Oh, stag, yeah.

Chabsy, you old cockslipper.

Guys, just keep it down.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought you were the boss, do whatever you want.

Yeah, I am the boss definitely, but just, you know, keep it quiet, yeah.

Anyway, what costume you got, you bloody mentalist?

It's top secret, you'll see it tonight.

You'll see it tonight, yeah.

Stag, stag, stag, stag, stag.

Steve, don't overdo it, mate, pick your moments.

Sorry, it's my first one.

Charlie?

Yes, mate?

Hi.

You were up for some extra hours - would you take a delivery later?

Be much appreciated.

Yeah, no, er Thanks, bud.

Cheers, mate.

Thank you very much for your hard work, continue.

cr*ck it on.

You've got to stay late for a delivery, or some No, mate, I'll get him to do it.

WHISPERING: The way he was speaking to me, yeah?

I tell you what, it's just f*cking disrespectful, yeah?

He should know that I'm the f*cking boss around here.

Why are you whispering?

No, I'm just whispering cos I don't font color="#00ff0 Charlie, would you help out back, please?

Yeah, sure.

I'll tell you what, I'll help out back.

Yeah, yeah.

OK, tha Charlie, stag, stag, stag, stag, stag.

INTERVIEWER: Are you looking forward to the stag do?

Oh, the stag.

Yes.

Yeah, yeah, course we are.

Yeah.

f It's going to be a night all about me, designed by him.

We're going to wind him up so much.

You're not going to wind me up.

What do you mean?

But that's a stag do, innit?

No.

Don't make me look like a Do you know what I mean?

I like having a laugh as much as the next man, yeah, but don't try laugh at me on my own stag do, right?

That just takes the piss.

LADS CHANT: Stag, stag, stag, stag, stag, stag.

Yay!

He loves it.

Stag, stag, stag, stag, stag, stag, stag, stag!

Do a turtle kick.

Do a turtle kick, do a turtle kick, go.

Oh-oh, he's turtle!

Oh, go on!

INTERVIEWER: Why are YOU wearing the outfit?

Oh, cos it's Grindah's stag night and he said the best man has to wear the suit.

Yeah, exactly, I'm not wearing that bollocks, not going to look like a twat all night.

Yeah.

Meant to be having the night of my bloody life.

No, just get in the way, to be fair.

It's actually really inconvenient.

Oh.

Oh.

Come on, you love it.

Yeah, shall we get some drinks in, anyway?

Yeah.

Bucas?

Ooh, OK.

OK.

Bucas.

Is it my round?

It's always your round, Steves.

Bucas, yeah?

# When I saw you, girl OTHERS JOIN IN: # From across the room # You had your eyes on me # I had my eyes on you # Went to the bar, for a sambuca # Wait, is buca sambuca?

Oh, no, Steves, don't get bucas, that's disgusting.

Get some proper drinks in, round of Apple Sourz.

Yes!

Apple Sourz, yeah.

Yes, come on.

Can't wait to get these down my bloody throat.

Just take it out of that.

Since the inheritance money came through, I've actually been promoted to Kurupt FM accountant.

So do you pay for everything as well?

Yeah, that's what an accountant does, actually, is basically People who work for the company, they say to you, "You pay for that now, cos you're the accountant", so very much the money man of the operation.

Did you get any beers?

No, I thought you said get Apple Sourz.

Get the beers in, Stevie, come on.

Beers as well, yeah?

Come on, come on.

We're going mental tonight.

Yeah.

Marky Mark.

How you doing, you all right?

Yeah.

Good, thanks.

Yeah.

Um, listen, I was wondering if you could do me a really big favour, mate.

You know that delivery that's coming later on?

Could you possibly stay for it?

I just Ah, no, I can't, I've got stuff on later.

Sorry.

What?

Like, what stuff?

Just stuff, you know?

No, I don't know, why don't you tell me, mate, cos I've got this stag coming up and it's quite important, so please.

Yeah, I've got to go pick up some medicine for my mum.

She's sick.

Well, what's wrong with her?

Sorry, mate, no, that's bang out of order.

Oh, my f*cking God, look at the size of it.

Oh, here comes the bride!

You got me a Hummer.

Yeah.

The one you told me to get.

Yeah, not exactly.

The image reference I sent you was a pink one but, yeah, not to worry.

Yeah, I couldn't find a pink one.

No, I mean, it's fine, it shouldn't ruin it, so OK, good Miche did choose me to be her maid of honour, which was a surprise, definitely.

Yeah, we're always surprising each other, aren't we?

I mean, that's just what best friends do.

I can't be your best friend, can I?

I surprised you again, bestie.

Ooh, you got me.

Whack these on, babe.

No, we're not having any of that.

This isn't some cheap, tacky hen do.

We got a Hummer, so Who's organised the hen do?

It's sort of a mix of the two minds, isn't it?

Yeah, yeah.

Mostly mine.

Yeah, mostly yours.

With a little sprinkling of you.

Can you have a little word with Jackie as well?

I'm not sure about what she's wearing.

It's not part of the colour palette we agreed.

OK.

If you want to have a quick?

Yeah, I'll do that.

Yeah?

OK Obviously Roche hasn't been to parties before, so I'm sort of teaching her about how to have fun and sort of going out and that kind of thing.

So, yeah, we've done a lot of brain-storming on what a night out is.

Just cos it's not pink.

OK, all right, stick those in the bag.

OK quick, come on.

Are you in, are you in?

OK.

Smile.

Where do you want to go, Miche?

Back to pout.

Fish face.

Right, now in, come on.

Oh, OK.

Oh, come on, it's all right.

Can I just say, can I just say, this is the comfiest thing I've ever sat on.

We're going to have a good night tonight.

Yay!

THUMPING MUSIC STARTS Yes!

Put it down your throat.

Oh!

Really lukewarm.

Absolutely mental, you are.

Oh, what's going on here, then, mate?

What, are you Grindah?

Oh, OK.

No, that's Grindah.

I see what's going on.

You absolute bastard, b*at.

Yes, I am he.

Please go easy on me.

Why are you in the costume, then?

Cos he said I had to wear it.

You're here for me, so A stripper is one of the most important things on a stag night.

I went for the one that looked most like Miche, cos I think he'd like that.

Got the number from a phone box.

Old school.

Come on.

Are we going to a hotel, then, or you want to do me in the toilets here?

What?

Just normal, on the table, in front of everyone.

Sort of Oh, sh*t.

I'm really sorry.

My mistake, I thought you was a stripper, I didn't realise that you were actually a fully-grown prost*tute.

Ugh.

You got me a brass.

Disgusting.

It's not disgusting, actually, thanks very much.

Well, I'm not going anywhere near that cos I don't know what you might have.

I don't know what you might have.

I haven't got anything.

Clean as a whistle.

Well, anyone else?

Someone can come with me.

You might be quick.

Yeah, Steves will do it.

Go on, Steves.

Can I just pay you to not to have to do anything?

Well, you can do, yeah.

You can give me some money, that's all right.

Yeah, all right, then.

All right, I'll just pay you and then we don't have to.

Yeah, no, that's fine.

That's a waste of money, though.

Just give me the money.

It's 140, Steves.

No, it's 160, actually, we said 160 on the phone.

I think there's another couple.

Another one.

Yeah, yeah.

Thank you.

Nice to meet you.

Yeah, and you.

Thank you.

HE CLEARS HIS THROA f*cking hell, I thought you was going to get me a stripper and a sick night and that.

Sitting in f*cking pubs with prostitutes.

Worst night of my life.

Hooray!

Woohoo!

Oh, my God!

I wish I'd worn something I could flash with - I'd lift it up.

Guys, no.

Guys, sorry, no.

You're spoiling the look.

We want everyone to think that we're high-class celebrities.

It's OK, we're only having a laugh.

Let's just have a bit of this Proseccio, and we can enjoy ourselves.

No, I'm all right, thanks.

Well, no, take a glass for the photos and it'll look like you're fun.

Everyone want a drink?

f*ck it, I'll have a little one.

Yes, please.

Yeah.

CORK POPS Whoo!

Wahey!

Right, I'm off, mate.

See you tomorrow.

Yeah.

Yeah, all right, mate, hope your mum gets better, yeah?

Yeah, cool.

QUIETLY: Dickhead.

Grindah said he wanted the best night of his life, and that's what I'm going to give him.

PHONE BUZZES Yes, mate?

Where you at, mate?

Yeah, no, I'm still waiting for this bhenchod delivery.

What's the name of that strip club you go to?

Oh, you're going titty bar.

Yeah.

Trying to find it.

OK, listen, don't go to the Blue Lion, OK?

Go to the one behind Soho Street - they have more intense lighting, so it's a bit more HD.

We're next to the theatre in Central's, where do we go now?

Which way is it?

Left.

Left.

Where now?

Right?

Oh, for f*ck's sake, Beats.

No, left.

We just came from there!

He meant this way.

Is it this way, or not?

Is it this way, or not?

No, he doesn't know where we are.

I mean, is it at the end of this road?

Jesus Christ!

Tell Chabsy I said stag, stag, stag.

No, it's down there.

All right.

See you in a bit, Chabs.

All right, in a bit, in a bit, bye.

Come on.

Yeah, it's straight down the end here, through the alleyway.

Definitely?

Oh-ho!

Ha-hey.

Someone's going to a strip club and it's me.

Yeah.

Strip club!

Put it down, it's dirty.

Oh.

It's dirty.

Ooh, hello!

Oh, we're nearly at karaoke!

Yay!

Roche, are you OK to pop ahead, hon, and make sure things are ready for us?

Yeah, I'll do a sound check.

Thanks, bestie.

It's perfect.

I haven't got drunk since I got pregnant, really, so I'm just a bit worried that if I get back into it, I'll start enjoying it a bit too much.

I mean you know what it's like, right?

You know, one minute you're having a couple of Stellas, next thing you know, you've blacked out and put a brick through Craig's dad's window.

Who's going to go first?

I got the perfect song to get us all started.

Yeah, well, I'm doing Biggie.

No.

Sorry, no, no, no-one's singing what they want, I've already got it all planned out.

So you can get in there and just have some fun.

Oh, my God!

Roche, you going first?

Yeah, run ahead, perfect, yeah.

I'll run out.

All right, I'm going.

Oh, my God, I can't believe we're here.

God, that was good, wasn't it?

Yeah, that was nice, wasn't it?

A little lap round Brentford.

Come on, let's hurry.

Decided to have the hen at my house because I couldn't be f*cked with all the intense planning.

Craig?

Have you done that sound check?

Just make sure it's working, yeah?

I would rather stick up a few lights in my living room than go round every single karaoke bar in London with Miche.

I'll get a drink, baby.

Just follow all the arrows to the fun.

Hey, fun!

All right, Miche, all right?

Plus, if they start doing my head in, I can always escape upstairs to bed.

We agreed on Oh, yeah, no, I know.

It's all right, his girlfriend's upstairs, they're not going to disturb us.

I'll just lock them in his room once he's got a snack, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah?

Sooner rather than later.

font color="#f Lovely.

Very shiny.

Lovely.

Craig, mate?

He's got a girlfriend.

I thought you were the stripper.

And he's going upstairs.

Yeah?

Yeah, but this is all sorted, yeah?

That's fine, yeah, yeah.

Thanks.

Thanks, mate.

font Well, let's leave Craig and come over here, yeah?

Thank you, mate.

Do you like it?

Nice, Jack, innit?

Speech, speech, speech!

Oh.

OK, so I'm going to do the speech.

So take a seat, everyone.

Yeah.

Pop yourselves down.

I thought you were going to do it on behalf of the bride.

Oh, I'll have a Prosexy, yeah.

Yeah.

Let's do the speech first, yeah?

So welcome, everyone, to my hen party, such a pleasure to have you all here.

So I'm going to be hosting the evening along with my maid of honour, and I'd love to give her a big round of applause to thank her for the use of her venue for our lovely fun hen party.

Thank you, Roche.

Lovely, lovely, darling.

Oh, cheers, yeah.

Lovely decorations.

Well, I didn't really I mean, it's not me.

When did you find the time?

Well, I haven't done That's all me, I did it, yeah.

Miche put all this stuff up, those pictures of Miche on my wall.

Yeah.

I mean, that's That is a lot of effort, isn't it?

They're stunning. . . a ch And if anyone wants to take any pictures of anything, then feel free to put up on your socials.

Use the hashtag Miche's hen do, please, so the whole world knows.

Miche's hen do.

Lovely.

So shall we get the drinks now?

What do you fancy?

Just a cocktail.

Just a cocktail.

Just a cocktail for everyone.

DANCE MUSIC Look.

Oh, my days.

This is f*cking sick.

All right?

Sick.

Steve, you got any money?

Yeah.

Give me a tenner as well.

f*cking hell.

Thank you.

You chuck it on 'em.

Chuck it.

Thank you.

Oh.

Sorry, no, that's my one.

That was like 80 quid.

All right, let's go to the bar.

Yeah, yeah, let's go to the bar.

Weird.

Thanks very much.

Cheers.

There's chicks everywhere.

I know.

Oh, mate.

Oh.

Bang on it, as well.

What you saying, you all right, yeah Grindah.

That's Beats.

Steves, get the drinks in.

Hello, Mr Turtle.

Hiya.

I love turtles.

Give us a twirl.

Let's see your shell.

Oh.

Ooh.

Shell.

Ha, ha, you like a dickhead.

He looks cute.

You boys on a stag do?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, but I'm not the stag, though.

No, I'm the stag.

Why is he wearing the outfit?

Just cos he's the best man.

Oh.

He's the fun one.

No, I'm the fun one, and if you took me for a dance then you might see how bloody fun I am.

He is well fun.

Boys, I'm just going to go over there,/font there's like a VIP bit or something.

See you in a bit, Stevie.

She's been well shaved.

So you going to have a dance, then, Mr Turtle?

Um He doesn't want to dance.

No.

He needs the toilet.

You need the toilet?

No, I'm good, I'm all right.

No, you do need the toilet.

You all right?

Yeah, he needs a sh*t, let's go.

font Well, you going to come back then, yeah?

He needs the toilet.

Yeah, definitely coming back, yeah.

Make sure you come back.

I'm definitely coming back.

We're both coming back.

See you girls in a bit, yeah?

Yeah.

Bye, Mr Turtle.

Come back.

Bye.

They were on you, man.

They weren't.

They were chatting to you the whole time.

That's how girls flirt.

They chat to their mate more than the guy they fancy.

They don't.

Not got a clue, now come in here.

Where are they?

Come on!

HE SIGHS Oh, f*ck it, you know what?

I can't wait.

I can't wait.

Yeah, you know what, sometimes you work the bloody nine to five, you're bloody chasing that Yankee dollar, you just want to get away and have a bit of fun, mate.

Yeah?

Some people go to the footie, they watch their bloody favourite team, "Come on up your reds," and that.

Me, I like to escape in the titty bar, you know?

You gotta treat a titty bar like your local.

It's like your regular.

Come on, man.

Where are these bhenchods?

They're eating into my titty time.

I'll walk in - "Hey, how's Bianca doing?

"How's the Caesarean scar healing up?" So, you know, you have to know your local place if you want to have a good stag do, you know?

So it's karaoke time, everyone!

Roche, can you hurry up with the drinks, please, hun?

Yeah, cos actually me and Roche are up first.

Are we?

Yeah.

Oh, wicked.

Go on, Roche.

Come on down, yeah, great.

Ready?

Got your mic?

Yeah.

OK, good girl.

Come on, Rochie, come on, Rochie!

That's fizzy, that, innit?

OK, so the reason that I picked this song is actually because it's not only about mine and Grindah's love story, but I think it applies to mine and Roche's friendship as well.

Does it?

Yeah.

Well, listen to the lyrics.

BOTH: # We've come a long way # But we're not too sure where we've been # Had good times, we've had success # Look all right?

Yeah, yeah.

No, it looks good.

Yeah?

Fits well, yeah.

You ready for a dance now?

Um Notice anything different?

Love the new outfit.

Do you like it?

It looks really, really smart.

Well, I'm the turtle now, so Chill out, Donatello.

It's not Donatello, it's Raphael.

You do actually look quite cute as a turtle.

Yeah, exactly.

Come with me, boys.

Great, so two men is basically gay, then.

Can we do it separately, at least, so we don't make eye contact or touch knees or whatever?

To be honest with you, strippers scare me in general.

Jesus Christ.

Like, anybody that's that confident in their body is not to be trusted.

A little fact for you, actually.

Roche's never seen me with my T-shirt off.

Get out the way.

Get out the way.

Come on!

Just put it there.

Put it there.

Cheers, mate, thank you, good work.

No worries, man.

Good work.

Andale, andale, andale.

Jaldi, jaldi, jaldi.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, good one, yeah?

See you later, mate.

All right, mate, cheers.

Right, OK, come on, let's go, let's go.

OK.

Go, titty bar.

All right.

HE LAUGHS Titty bar!

Next up on the karaoke is Tanya!

I couldn't.

Go on, babe.

I can't.

No, Tanya, you have to, cos you're next on the schedule so up you come.

Go on, Tanya!

Whoo!

Yay.

OK, what am I singing?

Just to let everyone know that I chose this song because once Grindah bought me some flowers and a vase.

Oh, that's sweet.

Yeah, it's a great memory.

Wait.

Can you hear that?

MUSIC STOPS THUMPING AND MOANING What the f*ck is that?

LAUGHING: Oh, my God!

It's two floors up, Miche.

We need to stop it.

All right, f*ck it.

f*ck all this.

I am not letting Craig have more fun than me.

Whoo!

Right?

Let's put the music on.

Yay!

Put the music on, we're going to have some fun.

Miche?

I want you to have fun.

If we're sitting listening to my son pounding away at some anonymous woman Oh, don't. . . then that is not fun, right?

Right, mate.

If she is getting it, we're having cocks too.

Yes!

Everybody get your dicks out!

No, no.

No.

There you go.

MUSIC RESUMES No, sorry, this isn't the sort of fun we're meant to be having, so let's put that all away.

Come on, Miche, you're only at the hen party once.

Not necessarily, baby.

Everyone?

Let's do it.

CHANTING: Dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks!

Dicks, dicks, dicks, dicks!

You want another one?

Er Yeah.

Yeah?

Well, next time How was it?

God, mate!

Mine was well safe as well.

No.

Not safe, I mean, she was literally staring in my eyes the whole time, and kept saying like that she wanted me to stay for another dance, cos she couldn't get enough of me.

Yeah.

It was like she was obsessed with me.

I may never get this opportunity again.

If I don't go for it, I might regret it for the rest of my life.

Maybe I'm rushing into this whole marriage thing, right?

What?

Yeah.

She kept saying there was something about me, and she's right.

Yeah?

Look at her.

She can get anyone she wants in here and she chose me.

What about Miche, though?

You going to buy me that drink, then, or what?

So, Beats, I'm going to have to Can I get Champagne, please.

OK, yeah.

Listen, life's full of big decisions, yeah?

Make one wrong turn, bang - you could regret that sh*t forever, yeah?

But the main thing to do is never admit that you've made that wrong move.

That way, you'll have no regrets in life.

So, Jackie, there's no need to interfere with any of that, like, I picked all the songs you want to sing, so just need to enjoy yourself, yeah?

Great.

What we having?

Vodka!

Very good.

Cheers.

Cheers.

A whole f*cking jug!

Best friend sh*t time, there you go, you know.

Stare into my eyes.

What colour are your eyes?

Brown.

Really nice, very chocolaty.

'Ere, babe?

Babe, what time's the stripper coming?

Yeah, no, we're not having a stripper, Mum, we've agreed no stripper.

You've got to have a stripper, babe.

I ain't having one.

Well, maybe we should just f*ck it and g Do you think?

Don't you feel like we're going a bit too mental?

Miche?

Yeah.

As your best mate, I can honestly say we are going nowhere near too mental.

MUSIC: Bonkers by Dizzee Rascal # Think I'm bonkers # This is not on the list.

# But I just think I'm free # Man, I'm just living my life, there's nothing crazy about me!

# What's going on?

Go, Jackie!

# Some people pay for thrills, but I get mine for free # W Where the f*ck is he, man?

I reckon he might have gone with her.

Oh, he's all right, he's just having a good time, innit?

Yeah, but he's been an hour and a half, that's like three grand.

It's Steve's money anyway.

I'm going to go and have a look for him, yeah?

Grindah!

Oi!

Oh, sorry.

Get out.

Grindah!

Grindah!

Oi, where's Grindah?

I dunno.

What do you mean?

What you doing?

Why you dancing?

Felt a bit weird just her dancing on her own.

Come on, man, we need to find him.

What do you mean?

He's going mad.

Come on, let's find him.

Steve!

Sorry.

Got to go.

Nice one, see you later.

Keep working on the g*n fingers.

Grindah!

Grindah!

Grindah!

Oh, Monica.

How you doing?

Listen, I've only got a tenner here.

Can you do pay as you go, this last time?

Grindah!

Grindah!

Grindah!

Seen my mate?

He's dressed as a turtle.

Tenner, like two minutes.

Chabsy.

Can you do that thing where you make your arse flap like, really fast?

Chabs?

Yeah.

I can't find Grindah, man.

He's run off with a f*cking stripper.

Tell me about it, yeah.

Been there, done that, bought the T-shirt, she robbed the T-shirt and f*cked off, mate.

Yeah, I know but Oh, there she is.

Oi?

Where's Grindah?

What have you done with him?

What?

Oh, don't play dumb with me.

You know exactly what I'm talking about.

Where is he?

Are you f*cking joking?

You fell in love with him.

Who?

Grindah!

Oh, my God.

Are you joking?

Gorgeous, green eyes.

You think I fell in love with him?

Yes, I do.

That's my job.

I tell everyone they've got beautiful eyes.

What?

Can you just get these pricks out of my face, please?

All right?

Everything's fine.

She's ruining my mate's marr Oh, yeah, come on, get out.

Come on, boys.

Out you get.

You can't get rid of me, I'm a regular - Gazzy, Guzzle.

It ain't working, mate.

ã10.

I don't want it.

What, you think I'm a stripper?

Hey?

No, no, no.

But you could be if you wanted to.

Out you get.

Come here.

Come here!

Oh, watch the ponytail!

It's insured, bhenchod!

Go on.

He might still be in there.

Can I just check?

No.

You're not going in there.

Come on.

Come on, mate.

I'm a regular, come on.

I don't care.

One dance.

Just me, then.

Has he text any of you lot?

Decoy, has he text you?

Nah.

I'll tell you what - shall we go to another titty bar and then he can just meet us there?

Nah.

I feel like I let him down.

No, man.

That was well safe earlier, when you got him a prost*tute and that.

You got him a prost*tute?

What was she like?

I'll tell you one thing, mate.

She doesn't look like she does on the card.

Do you think he's still in there?

He loved it, from what I saw, like . .

I think he was having a good time.

The thing is, yeah?

Like, I didn't think she was my one and only before, cos I always thought there's better birds out there and that, and there is, but, it's just, you never really see 'em, so just settle for what you've got.

"Settle for"?

Yeah.

Settle, that's a positive.

I feel settled right now, I'm calm.

I am calmer.

# There's no way you could mistake for your man, are you insane?

# See, I know you may be just a bit jealous of # What the f*ck are you doing here?

Ssh.

I'm here to see Miche.

You all right?

Yeah.

I've had a revelation.

I choose you over everyone.

I don't want anyone else.

Oh, he's just figured out what marriage is about.

Shut up, Mum.

What's happened?

Tonight's made me realise what I've got.

Really, really good looks, and there's going to be temptations out there, but I don't want to f*ck this up ever again.

OK.

Me, neither.

I like your tortoise costume.

You look really cute.

Here, maybe he could give us a little dance in his sexy little costume.

It's not sexy, it's a Ninja Turtle, so He's quite buff under that Lycra, ain't he?

Yeah, look at his little bum!

You can't see my bum, the shell's covering it.

Maybe you could be our stripper.

Yeah, go on.

Yeah!

It's easy Go on, show us your moves.

Ooh, it's hard, isn't it?

Oh, oh, that's so hard, isn't it?

Yeah?

What do you reckon?

He's good, ain't he?

It saves us having to pay for one.

Yeah.

Yeah, it is, there's just nothing to it.

Ooh.

OK.

CHEERING AND LAUGHTER This is every girl's dream, innit?

Oh, perfect.

Ooh, you like that?

Grindah by name, grinder by nature!

Ooh, hello.

Take it off!

Want me to take it off, do you?

Yeah?

Yeah!

Whoo!

Put the shell between your legs.

I think the future for me is all about getting a much bigger house.

Yeah.

Then have lots of bedrooms in it so we can have lots of little Grindahs and Miches.

Well, yeah, I mean, don't need to talk about that now.

It's a dream come true to me, getting Miche back, do you know what I mean?

And I just feel like, you know, live in the moment, do you know what I mean, like?

Yeah.

And then look forward to the future or having Yeah, look forward to it, yeah. . . a family.

Yeah.

Yeah, definitely.

One day.

Whoo!

Miche, look at that!

Grindah!

Grindah!

I'm good at this, ain't I?

Yeah.

I'm good at this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So you live round here?

Yeah, sort of.

I'm kind of in between addresses at the moment.

Oh, me too.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's hard, innit?

Yeah, it's just here, actually, so if you just jump in the van, really.

What, in the back?

Yeah, I've got everything sorted, you'll see.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

So, um, what's your name again?

My name?

Um My name's Charlie.

You look a bit like a Charlie, actually.

Yeah.

Can you do a Polish accent?

No.