06x07 - Exit Event

[bunniefuu]

anything you want to tell us?

I respect you all?

MAN: "AT&T and YaoNet close deal".

Wow.

Bombshell.

- (INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING)

- Our network's slowing down because YaoNet's here, and they're attacking us.

LAURIE BREAM: We did not come here to att*ck you, simply in order to see how you got PiperNet to work, which it turns out you did not.

Pied Piper does not scale.

Worthless piece of - (DRONE BUZZES)

- I don't need to use Gilfoyle's A.

I.

in order to improve middle-out.

I need to use middle-out to create a new A.

I.

BERTRAM GILFOYLE: Holy sh*t.

Our network overhead must've massively shrunk.

It worked.

It It It It happened.

(YELLS)

We did it!

PILOT: And out of the left side, you can see I don't know what that is.

(DINGS)

(MUSIC CONCLUDES)

(SMACKS LIPS, CLEARS THROAT)

Should I look at the (CLEARS THROAT)

camera or you?

DOCUMENTARIAN: You can just talk to me.

Can you introduce yourself?

Sure, yeah.

Um (LOUD, DISTORTED): Uh, my name is Richard Hendricks, - and I'm the - DOCUMENTARIAN: Could you ?

- My name is Richard Hendricks.

I'm, uh, - - the founder and CEO of Pied Piper.

- I think like most people, I first heard about - Pied Piper at TechCrunch Disrupt.

- - (AUDIENCE CHEERING)

- Middle-out was a game changer.

- (SCREAMS)

- ANNOUNCER: The winner of this year is Pied Piper.

What you have to understand is conventional compression - was like rubbing two sticks together.

- And along comes Pied Piper, out of nowhere, with a frickin' blowtorch.

Well, we had really just started um, a few months earlier, and like a bunch of other Silicon Valley companies, we were just working out of a garage.

Or a house, really.

- DOCUMENTARIAN: Nice place?

- No.

DINESH: It was like a sh*t hole, but there was so much sh*t in it, - it was filled all the way up.

- - So, it was, like, level with the ground.

- If that's true, there was a little meniscus - in the sh*t, and that's where - our dreams lived.

Not the kind of house you wanna take your shoes off in.

- Yeah, just f*ckin' smelled really bad.

- - It was all right.

- JARED: Oh, I was the sloppy girl in the discotheque, just twirling and twirling like the night would never end.

Jian-Yang won the house from me in a game of chance.

He told me to pick a number between one and 10.

I picked seven, um, but it was three.

Eh, you live, you learn.

We had knocked around for a few years, trying different iterations of what we wanted to do.

It was at RussFest when things really got crazy for us.

- (LAUGHTER)

- DINESH: It was so much money.

So much.

Yeah.

Times were good.

- (ROCK MUSIC BLASTING)

- (DINESH SINGING)

Millionaire Uh, DJ Mad Evil, could we cut the music for a second?

- (MUSIC STOPS)

- Millionaire I have a surprise for everybody, and, um, (LAUGHING): suffice it to say, I think that everyone here is gonna want a slice of this moist and scrumptious cake.

We're gonna take a bite in three, (LAUGHS)

two Richard's in the cake!

- JARED: one.

- f*ckin' Gabe.

- Surprise!

- (RATTLING)

(LAUGHING)

Wait a second!

What's going on with the cake?

(RATTLING, GRUNTING)

- Push from your thighs.

- (RATTLING)

- Oh God, are you okay?

- RICHARD: Fine.

- Handle broke.

- Oh.

- Doesn't matter.

Oh, sorry.

- I was right.

Oh, don't worry about it.

- Don't worry about it.

It's fine.

- Pictures RICHARD: Okay, everybody.

I'm here to tell you that it has all been worth it.

- Woo!

- Uh, because today, it finally happened.

We just shipped the final build of the PiperNet firmware for AT&T's nationwide launch next week!

(CHEERING)

What the f*ck?

Is that beer?

No, you're not drinking that piss.

We drink my piss!

- Tres Comas!

- Oh.

RUSS: I just bought all the Pied Piper shares that some dentist in Phoenix had.

Oh, no way.

My dad's a dentist in Phoenix.

Well, hopefully he's not an assh*le like this guy.

- BIG HEAD: Yeah, that would suck.

- We could be talking Cuatro Comas!

Drink up, you fucks!

(CHEERING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

- No, no, no, just stop.

Just stop.

- (GAGGING)

How does he make it look so difficult?

Millionaire Trillionaire Another?

Oh boy!

(PARTY CHATTER)

Hey!

There you are.

I, uh, got you something.

Oh, Monica.

(CHUCKLE)

"Leaving AT&T.

Just dotted the I's, crossed the T's, and every single detail is perfect".

- I sent this to you last week.

- Yeah, and as soon as you did, I knew I had to frame it.

Well, I mean, I had my assistant frame it, but you know.

It's really awesome.

Although Are you sure this is what I sent to you?

- Yeah.

Why?

- Okay.

No, here.

Huh.

That's weird.

Oh, it's because It's actually kinda funny.

- Um, I'm not sure if you - JIAN-YANG: Richard, congratulations.

It's your very close friend Jian-Yang, and I would like you to give me free shares of Pied Piper.

(CHUCKLE)

Okay, Jian-Yang.

Uh Well, you had plenty of opportunity to invest.

- Still do.

- Yeah, you can buy Pipercoin.

Monica, two men are talking business.

You can find your broom and fly away.

Suit yourself.

I just checked the ledger, and the coin we issued to Erlich was just sold for $20 million.

Richard, is the mean lady right?

Errich is now fat and rich?

Uh, yeah, I guess.

Where is he?

I don't know.

Tibet still, maybe.

Okay.

Tibet.

Okay.

- RICHARD: Huh.

- DOCUMENTARIAN: So, at this point, steaming into the launch, you had no idea - what was about to happen.

- No.

No, none.

None whatsoever.

Everything was going great.

DINESH: What the f*ck is wrong with Richard?

Why does he wanna see us so early?

Well, he's been here all night.

He wouldn't explain, but he is in a bit of a state.

- Hey, Richard?

- (MARKER SQUEAKING)

Richard, they're here.

Oh, great.

Yeah.

Sit, sit.

Sit, sit.

- DINESH: Why?

- Just find a seat.

- Richard, what's wrong?

- RICHARD: I don't know.

Maybe nothing.

Maybe something.

Look, here, I wanna show you something.

Um You see?

Okay.

So, uh, this was a message I sent to Monica last week.

She had it framed for me as a gift.

Oh, I was gonna get you a gift, but, um, it was back-ordered, so it's coming next Look at the dots.

Count the dots.

- Dots?

- The dots!

Look, look.

"Every single detail is", dot-dot-dot, "perfect".

Okay?

There are three dots in that ellipsis, which is the correct number of dots.

However, in the message that I sent her, there are four dots, which is incorrect.

Thus, not perfect.

It was a joke.

- Was it?

- Yes.

Was and is.

(LAUGH)

Okay, well, uh, I didn't change your joke, Richard.

That's what I got.

Three dots.

(LAUGH)

Wait, is it three dots that's funny or is it four?

RICHARD: Four, four, four.

That's what I sent her, four.

But our messaging is encrypted.

So, how did what I send, four dots, end up as three dots in her feed?

Data corruption, bit flip, - just a fluke.

- Yeah, sure.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

So, then I checked the logs, read the math.

The total size of all sent messages should be the same as the total size of all received messages, right?

But it's not.

The received messages are smaller.

How?

How is that possible?

Unless our network is compressing the content of encrypted files in transit.

And the only way that is possible is by bypassing encryption.

- Well, that's impossible.

- RICHARD: I agree.

It makes no sense, but don't you think we should figure this out before launch?

Richard, don't do this.

Not now.

We launch in four days.

The TV spots are already running.

We're not jeopardizing billions of dollars because you're missing a dot.

Should I get everyone in here to start working on this?

- Well - GILFOYLE: We're beyond that.

The others can't help us now.

Jared, bolt the doors.

What's in the bag?

Clif bars and a g*n.

GAVIN BELSON: (SIGH)

May I be honest?

There was a period of my life in which I would've rooted for the failure of Richard Hendricks.

That was a different Gavin Belson.

That was - tech icon Gavin Belson, - not literary icon Gavin Belson.

Since leaving Hooli, I've co-authored 37 adult romance novels.

Fondly, Margeaux.

The Lighthouse Dancer.

Cold Ice Cream and Hot Kisses.

Over here, The Prince of Puget Sound.

Uh, and lastly, His Hazel Glance.

All international best sellers.

Uh, G-Gavin.

A moment, please.

(SIGH)

I'm so sorry.

A moment.

GAVIN: The f*ck is your problem?

ROD MORGENSTERN: You said that this would be an hour.

GAVIN: Well, we're just running a little over.

ROD: Yeah, with the lights, and the machines, and the sound equipment, how is this ever gonna be an hour?

GAVIN: You're acting hysterical, all right?

We'll have plenty of time to write this ROD: Yeah, you know what?

You know what?

Do your your little interview.

I'll just write the book myself, okay?

GAVIN: Well, if you could you would, but you can't.

You're stuck with me, and I'm stuck with you.

ROD: Whoa, whoa, whoa That's what Florian says to Claudette outside the cheese cave!

- GAVIN: Oh my God!

That's our third act!

- ROD: Third act!

- GAVIN: Yes!

Okay, go, put the kettle on.

- ROD: Yeah.

I'm terribly sorry.

I'm gonna have to cut this short.

Thank you for coming.

When Richard told me about the dots last night, initially, I dismissed it as the ranting of a self-sabotaging idiot.

But a few hours later when I woke up in a stall in the second story men's bathroom, I realized something.

That you're an alcoholic?

Perhaps, but high-functioning.

Much like our network.

To wit (TYPING)

Our internal messaging, based on HooliChat, uses a weak encryption standard known as P-256.

Whether Richard believes it or not, our network cracked it.

Who allowed it to do that?

GILFOYLE: We did, when we gave it one job.

To make itself more efficient.

It developed a general solution to discrete log in polynomial time.

What?

JARED: Okay, is this a good thing or a bad thing?

Someone tell me how to feel.

Abject terror for you.

Build from there.

GILFOYLE: Once launched, our AI will keep learning to break more and more sophisticated parameters.

Ultimately, this will mean the end of privacy.

Electrical grids, financial institutions, the nuclear launch codes for every single nuclear w*apon.

All will be exposed.

Pure v*olence will become the only basis of power.

Spare us the apocalyptic desert planet sci-fi bullshit, Frank Herbert.

Uh, Frank Herbert was a writer who wrote a series of I know who f*cking Frank Herbert is.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Was that gendered?

- That was gendered.

- RICHARD: Okay, Gilfoyle.

Even if everything you're saying is right, and that's where we're headed, there's gotta be a way to fix it.

Fix what, Richard?

The network is doing exactly what we told it to do.

The AI is optimizing the compression and the compression is optimizing the AI.

Everything that makes it successful is exactly what makes it dangerous.

It's a feature, not a bug.

No (SCOFF), no, no.

Okay, no.

What are we gonna do about it?

What do you suggest we do about it?

You're gonna make me say it, aren't you?

Fine.

We built a monster.

We need to k*ll it.

- DINESH: f*ck.

- Are you out of your mind?

No, no, no, no, no, Gilfoyle.

We didn't build a monster, first of all.

We built the single greatest f*cking network, ever, in the world.

That's the big one.

And I'm sorry, you wanna k*ll it?

Now?

Now?

Now?

We are inches away from the finish line.

You wanna f*cking k*ll it?

We did it, man!

We built it!

It works!

It just needs a little help!

We just gotta fix it, okay?

We don't k*ll it!

That's crazy, man!

k*ll yourself is the thing.

f*ck you.

I mean that's crazy.

When people ask me about Pied Piper, I always tell them the same thing.

- (SOFT GRUNTING)

- Are there other questions?

Uh, yeah.

Can you elaborate?

Mm yes.

(QUIET PRISON CHATTER)

Will you?

Ah Hmm (SIGH)

Save it, Jared.

I'm not in the mood for a pep talk.

You know, if I learned anything from my time with Gwart, it's the power of just listening.

f*cking Gilfoyle.

Shut it down?

Are you f*cking kidding me?

Throw everything away that we've been working toward?

Not to mention the fact that we have a contract worth billions of dollars.

Yeah, that's a lot of money.

And what about all the other stuff we're gonna do?

I mean, give internet to underserved communities, students in the homework gap, refugees, genomic research.

Pied Piper can help scientists cure cancer.

- And cancer is bad.

- Cancer f*ckin' sucks!

"Hey, I'd like some cancer, please".

No.

And we have this beautiful baby, who is a little sick But, apparently, it's now the devil, and we have to k*ll it.

I vote we take it to the doctor, but f*ck.

I had a foster mother who thought I was the devil and that she had to k*ll me.

And I think it was pretty traumatizing for her.

And th-the odds of Gilfoyle's stupid crazy doomsday scenario actually coming true are I mean, we've had a nuclear arsenal for decades, and we're fine.

I mean, outside of a couple substantial blips.

Two in particular.

I'd say we're safer.

The real k*ller is stress.

Okay, sure, fine.

Oppenheimer famously said he regretted building the atom b*mb and d*ed in despair, but what the f*ck does that have to do with anything?

Oppenheimer.

What a self-obsessed little bitch.

What are we supposed to do, huh?

What are we supposed to do?

f*cking Gilfoyle.

We'll just call up AT& and say that our network is so good that it'll eventually become some doomsday device, and we have no moral option but to destroy it before we let you release it?

I mean We're not doing it!

We're not.

- We're not.

- Hey, Richard.

Whatever you think is best, that's what we're gonna do.

I mean, they just put up the billboard.

She's a beauty, right?

Fu !

Sorry, guys.

- Gilfoyle's right.

- Seriously?

We're seriously doing this?

We're canceling the launch?

Well, no.

Uh, ha, that's not enough.

Our network is dangerous.

If we cancel it or shut it down, then others will try to copy or reverse engineer everything that we've built.

It's like It's like the four-minute mile.

Everybody thought it was impossible, until someone did it, and then everybody started doing it because they knew it could be done.

JARED: Right.

Roger Bannister.

Now, imagine he'd gone into cardiac arrest and evacuated on himself and d*ed.

And as he lay there with his prolapsed anus peeking beneath the running shorts on his newly dead body, the crowd jeered and grimaced.

That is what has to happen to us.

We have to sh*t ourselves to death.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

He's right.

Our launch has to fail, publicly and spectacularly.

Are you dumbfucks listening to yourselves?

Because I am, and you are dumb.

And fucks.

Gilfoyle is willing to destroy everything we've built just to prevent me from having money!

(BEEPING)

Interesting.

Is that Dinesh's Tesla?

What?

- There's no one in it.

- GILFOYLE: Correct.

You have the Tesla mobile app on your phone, which communicates over the Pied Piper network.

A few hours ago, I tasked said network with providing me your TLS encryption key, which it just gave me.

To verify that that key was correct, I decided to autodrive your car to the car wash on El Camino.

It appears the key was correct, - no?

- (REVVING)

Be careful, Charlotte.

What encryption does Tesla use?

Curve 25519, the most secure discrete log parameter there is.

Not anymore.

Our network just blew it apart like a prolapsed anus.

In only two hours and 47 minutes.

- The prosecution rests.

- MONICA: Okay, Dinesh, they're right.

We have to fail, and it has to look like an accident, or else we could all go to prison.

- No, I cannot do it.

- GILFOYLE: Of course you can.

Your entire life has prepared you to publicly fail.

You're just failing to see that right now.

Don't insult me.

I can fail circles around you losers.

But will I?

I'm gonna be honest with you.

No offense to me, but I am greedy and unreliable, bordering on piece of sh*t.

If there is a chance to stop you guys from stopping you guys, I will do it.

I will sabotage your sabotage.

So, if this company needs to fail epically, like f*cking fail you need to do it without me.

Revoke my permissions.

Delete my PiperMail account.

I will use Gmail like a f*cking basic bitch.

(SIGH)

Don't let me anywhere near that launch.

I may beg, and I will lie to you.

I cannot bribe you because I don't have any money.

But I am too much of a liability.

That is the most courageous act of cowardice I've ever seen.

All this because of a f*cking dot.

Dinesh's car is at the Wendy's drive-thru.

Anybody hungry?

They call it PiperNet, and it's coming to your phone.

Tomorrow at noon, the Pied Piper app will go live on the latest 5G-equipped iOS and Android phones in 10 major cities across the country.

AT&T says, if things go as planned, PiperNet could be on more than a half billion devices within a year.

And no one is more excited than technology super fans, - like the ones behind me - (CHEERING)

who are camping out all night to snag a limited edition Pied Piper-equipped smartphone.

If their enthusiasm is anything to go by, then a lot more people may soon be lining up to pay the piper.

(LAUGH)

I'm Jim Gittman, KCTW.

All right, thanks, everyone!

Appreciate y'all!

Okay!

(LAUGHING)

I see you!

I see you!

(SIGH)

Hey, does anyone want a bear claw?

I just bought too many at the store, so I'm going around giving them away if anybody wants - a bear claw or a cruller - Whoa.

You got one of the Pied Piper ratjacks made?

Wait, there's a cool nickname for the jackets?

Yeah, you even got Dinesh embroidered.

Oh, he's my favorite, too.

Wait.

Oh my God.

Holy sh*t!

Dude, it's Dinesh!

- Yeah, Dinesh.

I'm Dinesh Chugtai.

- (CHEERING)

I'm the cofounder of Pied Piper, in an original ratjack.

GIRL: I can't wait for tomorrow!

Don't worry about tomorrow!

Today!

- f*ck tomorrow!

- GIRL: Uh, - can I get a selfie?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Okay, thank you!

- Here we go.

(EXCITED CHATTER)

WOMAN: I am Pied Piper.

- I am Pied Piper.

- I am Pied Piper.

MAN: I am Pied Piper - Are we set?

- Locked and loaded.

The script I wrote will push a new build from the supernode at the office the second you step on stage.

No one here will see it.

When we go live, all the nodes should start broadcasting noise across common communication bands, jamming cell signals, knocking out Bluetooth, and f*cking up every GPS unit for miles.

- Good.

- Yeah.

They'll force us to shut it down then it'll all be over.

Good.

Yeah.

Good.

(SIGH)

f*ck.

Richard?

We're about to start.

Yeah, let's go.

Okay, here we go.

I am Pied Piper.

- (MUSIC PLAYING)

- I am Pied Piper.

- DEEP VOICE: I am Pied Piper.

- (CHATTER)

Hi.

Uh, my name is Dinesh Chugtai.

I wanna make sure I am not on the list for the launch today.

Chugtai.

Um I don't see your name here.

Okay, that's great.

Oh, uh, could you also make sure there are no VIP lists I might be on?

Chugtai.

Spelled how it's pronounced.

- WOMAN: Okay.

Uh - "Chu", and then "gtai".

No, not here either.

Oh, and these security guards?

Are they your best guys?

Like, will they stop me?

Would they f*ck me up?

- I'm sorry, we - Thank you so much.

That's exactly the response I was looking for.

I feel very confident I will not be getting into the launch today.

Thank you for not helping.

Don't let me through.

We are Pied Piper!

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)

Woo!

- Yes, hello.

Uh - (APPLAUSE DYING DOWN)

I am Richard Hendricks, founder and CEO, and I am thrilled to welcome you all to the official launch of Pied Piper.

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)

(MICROWAVE HUMMING)

(BEEPING)

(WEARABLE CHAIR RATTLING)

(COOLING FANS WHIRRING)

- Hey, John.

- Yeah.

Here's your hot water.

Okay.

Hey, Gabe?

There's something weird here.

What is it?

The code they're about to launch it isn't the build we shipped.

Someone just pushed a new build.

Hey, John?

JOHN: Yeah?

That's a mistake.

We should change it back to the right code.

Okay.

RICHARD: Fast and powerful.

Sounds a little bit like you, Andre Iguodala.

- Yes!

- ANDRE: That's right, Richard Hendricks.

And as a member of the NBA's all-defensive first team, I know a little something about cybersecurity.

Would you say that Pied Piper is your MVP?

"Most valuable phone"?

- Yeah, I would.

- (CROWD CHEERING)

GABE: Uh, hey, Dinesh?

Gabe, what are you doing here?

You weren't answering your calls or texts, so I came here from the office.

So, um, a weird version of the software, uh was put online, so, uh So?

So, I reverted it to the version we shipped.

Oh, I have the original weird one here There's some photos of me in Hawaii.

So, this was the version that was about to be deployed, then you switched it, and now we're about to launch the older version?

Yes.

So, if I do nothing, absolutely nothing - Nothing?

- the "correct" version of the network would launch?

Uh, what do you mean by when you do that?

- Just stretching my fingers.

- Oh.

ANDRE: But before I go, can you tell me, who let the dogs out?

("WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?" BY BAHA MEN PLAYING)

Who-who-who-who-who?

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Damn it!

Okay, go.

Thank you.

GILFOYLE (VOICEMAIL): Leave a message.

Also, - f*ck you, Dinesh.

- (ANGRY GRUNT)

The supernode on the roof.

(DOOR OPENS)

(SIGH)

("ATOMIC DOG" BY GEORGE CLINTON PLAYING)

(APPLAUSE, CHEERING)

Give it up for Menlo Bark!

Weren't they fetching?

f*cking hell, who wrote this sh*t?

- (JARED LAUGHS)

- (APPLAUSE)

I Guys!

Comma.

We have a huge f*cking problem!

Period.

f*cking Gabe reverted to the old build!

Exclamation point, exclamation point!

- (PHONE BUZZING)

- (INDISTINCT SPEECH)

I got a group text from Dinesh.

"Guys, come on.

Fun king games pervert Oldsmobile"?

- What?

- Okay, so I've shown you our decentralized universal data exchange, our tamper-proof storage.

I've shown you that you, and you alone, will control your personal data and your identity.

(CLEARS THROAT)

All All of us here at Pied Piper have worked so hard on this.

We have given six sleepless, brutal years to this project, and I am so proud of what we've done.

Uh, so my mentor - (MUSIC PLAYING)

- the late Peter Gregory, uh, put us on the path to what we've created here.

He called it, "the internet we deserve".

We have fought every step of the way to bring you the greatest network ever made, ha.

And in, uh five minutes, 42 seconds, that fight is over.

(GASPING)

- (PANTING)

- (VENTS RATTLING)

(SCREAMING)

(GASPING)

(GASPING CONTINUES)

(TYPING, BEEP)

- (BEEP)

- GILFOYLE: Son of a bitch.

- (GASPING)

- GILFOYLE: Dinesh, you f*cking t*rror1st, what the f*ck are you doing?

(GASPING)

Are you jerking off?

Or did you do one push up?

Quit being a f*cking bitch.

JOHN F.

KENNEDY: Let me then make clear that I am determined upon our - (SPEECH CONTINUES)

- (PHONE BUZZING)

NEIL ARMSTRONG: That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.

Hello?

Dinesh is where?

- RICHARD: Tell him to f*ck off.

- You tell him.

It's me!

I'm here.

I'm merged and I can hear you.

- (BEEP)

- GILFOYLE: Hold on.

- MONICA: Hey.

- GILFOYLE: We're all merged in.

Richard, you are doing a great job.

Jared, shut up.

Richard, turn around.

I'm behind you.

Dinesh says that Gabe reverted us back to the prior build from the supernode at the office.

I cannot verify this because I'm not at a supernode.

I'm across the stage from you, as you can see.

But Dinesh is.

He's on the roof.

He wants me to give him back his permissions to deploy.

DINESH: So I can push out the right build.

The wrong The build, guys!

The build we talked about!

The build that saves the world, but makes me poor!

Question is, do we believe him?

In fairness, there are a lot of reasons not to trust him, such as he told us not to trust him.

- DINESH: Believe me!

- But do we trust that?

DINESH: For once, I wanna do the right thing!

GILFOYLE: Richard, I'm gonna need an answer.

- I don't have much time.

- The fate of the world literally relies on this.

Richard, it's time.

- Come on!

- Okay.

- JARED: Richard, we need an answer.

- Ladies and gentlemen, we are at LAWRENCE/AUDIENCE: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six - f*ck it.

Dinesh, you're in.

- five, - four - Oh.

three, two, one!

LAWRENCE: Ladies and gentlemen, Pied Piper network - (APPLAUSE)

- is officially live!

- (CHEERING)

- (FIREWORKS)

The balloons are falling.

Is that a good sign or a bad sign?

Uh (MUSIC BLASTING)

The app is now available!

(CHEERING CONTINUES)

- LAWRENCE: We did it!

- MONICA: Where are you guys?

Communications should be going haywire.

Are they?

I can still hear you, so phones must be working.

Traffic is moving, so GPS must be working.

He's right.

GPS says I'm here, standing next to you, which seems to be accurate.

Dinesh, you f*cked us.

No, he didn't.

We are generating noise.

- Oh, okay.

Sorry, Dinesh.

- DINESH: You're good.

I'd expect me to f*ck us, too.

Problem.

We haven't raised the noise far enough to drown out even Bluetooth.

Okay, so we're generating noise, but just not enough to interfere with anything?

DINESH: Is this gonna work?

Did we just make billions of dollars?!

This wouldn't be happening if we had had time to test things.

- f*cking kidding me?

We failed at failing?

- (DOGS BARKING)

Wait, why are they barking?

- (BARKING)

- GILFOYLE: Oh sh*t.

Think we might be creating interference that's causing the speakers in the phones to resonate.

And that's what bugging the dogs?

No.

Dogs shouldn't be bothered by that frequency.

Well, then, what the f*ck are they barking at?

(WOMAN SCREAMING)

(MUSIC STOPS)

(CROWD SCREAMING)

LAWRENCE: Please, ladies and gentlemen, please stay calm!

Don't panic!

(SQUEAKING)

(SCREAMING CONTINUES)

Dear sweet mother of God.

What have we done?

- (SCREAM)

- EMILY CHANG: In a fairy tale turned nightmare come to life, thousands of rats streamed onto the streets - of San Francisco today.

- REPORTER: Pied Piper's phones broadcasting intense ultrasonic sounds that began repelling the rats.

The streets of Seattle became the streets of Sea-rat-tle, and everyone was sleepless.

Giants fans going home happy today as the Cubs go down swinging to the - Holy sh*t!

- (SQUEAKING)

They're calling it "Rat-mageddon".

Yeah.

Except in New York, where they're calling it Wednesday.

- (LAUGHTER)

- (MUSIC)

They literally became the Pied Piper.

I mean, you can't make that up.

ROD: Yeah, maybe you couldn't but I could.

Oh, for f*ck's sake.

When you think about a lot of the failures in tech Pets.

com, Theranos, WeWork Pied Piper really is right at the top of that list.

Pied Piper is just a millstone around AT&T's neck!

I say dump it!

Dump it now!

I lost so much f*cking money with those guys.

- I got rat-f*cked.

- That's a pun.

I made it all back though.

Sweet investment in the hair transplant sector.

What?

Rats, ah, yes, we have some of them here.

Figuratively.

They are dealt with.

And so, effective immediately, I am shutting down Pied Piper, deleting its code repositories, and liquidating its remaining assets.

All right.

That's our statement.

We will not be taking any further Can I just say that I am just truly, deeply sorry.

Uh, this should never have been built.

It is technically flawed to its very core.

And we should all remember that forevermore.

Sorry.

(REPORTERS SHOUTING QUESTIONS)

Obviously, Mr.

Hendricks doesn't mean that in any legally binding or actionable way.

Get a life, guys.

It's weird.

It really seemed like Pied Piper was going to work.

Something doesn't add up.

DINESH: So, I did the right thing, I helped save the world, my legs are still super sore, and my reward is that I'm poor.

What are you gonna do?

Not sure.

Been thinking about teaching No, not you.

Oh, uh I think I might disappear for a bit.

Maybe travel.

Yeah, I might travel, too.

Where were you thinking?

It may help if, at least for the time being, you pretend to be mad at me.

Look, Richard, I was a world theater minor at Vassar, but that is one Javanese shadow play that I cannot perform.

(PAPER TEARING)

(SIGH)

Come on, guys, let's cheer up.

I mean, we set out to build the best thing ever built, and that's what we did, right?

We succeeded.

And who can say that they literally saved the world?

- Right?

- Not us.

'Cause we can't tell anyone what we did.

Right.

Not out loud, but - You know.

- Silence is on brand for me.

Good luck, Dinesh.

(GLASS BREAKS)

GILFOYLE: On the bright side I found another box of these.

RICHARD: Well, uh I was, I was a little bit embarrassed, ha.

Uh, so I just, uh, went off the grid for a bit.

I-I-I traveled.

I went to Tibet, actually, to try and find Erlich, but, uh, he was gone.

And then, I came back, but no one really wanted to hire the guy behind Pied Piper.

Uh, however, my best friend did hire me, and now I am the Gavin Belson Professor of, uh, Ethics in Technology at Stanford University.

BIG HEAD: My name is, uh, Nelson Bighetti, and I'm the president of Stamford.

Stanford.

You graduates have a lot of responsibility.

Finishing the important work of movements such as "pound Met double zero", and "title icks".

DOCUMENTARIAN: So, I think I know, but-but why do they call you Big Head?

Oh, yeah, just, you know, boys being boys.

Making fun of my, my big old dome.

DOCUMENTARIAN: It's not because your last name is Big-hetti?

I'm the cofounder of Newell Road Strategic Technologies, one of the largest cybersecurity firms in the Bay Area.

I am the cofounder of Newell Road Strategic Technologies, - one of the largest cyber - I literally just said that.

- security firms - I just said that.

- You heard me say that.

- in the Bay Area.

Things are better when I say them.

Plus, they're definitely going to edit you out.

If they're not gonna use it, why would they use it?

That has Why don't you tell them how you bought the house next to mine - because you love me so much.

- Okay, f*ck you.

How's it going, guys?

Meeting time.

- GILFOYLE: We have a meeting.

- DINESH: Mandatory.

What do I do now?

I, uh, I work for a non-profit in DC.

It's a it's a think t*nk, and-and we just think about stuff, you know.

DOCUMENTARIAN: So, the NSA.

(LAUGHS)

The NSA?

No, no, no.

Farthest thing from the NSA.

(CHUCKLE)

God.

The NSA.

That's That's a really weird question to ask.

- (MUSIC PLAYING)

- JARED: Okay, Jell-O.

- I love working with the elderly.

- One, two, one, two.

It's like I get to have a bunch of parents and also be their parent.

No!

No, no, no!

Martin, Martin!

She only has eyes for you.

We were dancing as girlfriends, that's it.

This fall, we actually had a herpes epidemic among the residents, which is bad medically, but from another perspective, it's kind of touching.

Okay, we're on our way to the hostel.

(SIGH)

God, I haven't been there in such a long time.

It was just an it was an incredible time in my life, you know?

I never really thought that I would have a group of male friends.

You know, men just seem kinda mean and hard, but these guys were as sweet and soft as rotten fruit.

You got your book?

Prince of Puget Sound?

(LAUGHING): Oh, Judy!

Hey, man.

Hey, man.

You okay?

Yeah.

I haven't seen you in forever.

I saw you last weekend.

(INDISTINCT GREETINGS)

You look great.

JARED: Is that is that a woman's scent?

No, it's unisex.

Big Head?

Hey, Nelson.

I work a lot with people who have dementia, and I just want you to know, it doesn't have to be a horror show.

Oh, cool.

- Well hey, we're all here.

- GILFOYLE: Let's go.

Let's go see Jian-Yang, heh.

(STRUGGLING)

- You okay?

Richard!

- RICHARD: Fine.

(KNOCKING)

Uh (CLEARS THROAT), hi there.

Is, uh, is Jian-Yang here?

Does he live here?

We're we're all old friends of his.

No, I'm sorry.

I bought the house years ago from his estate.

MONICA: Estate?

I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this, but Jian-Yang's dead.

Uh Okay, so he's dead.

What do we do?

It's different, but also the same.

Hey, Gilfoyle.

That's your horrible corner.

It looks much better now.

Changed a little bit.

They fixed my hole.

- (IMITATES KICK)

- (CHUCKLE)

Don't do it again.

No, I wouldn't.

Obviously.

I was emotionally charged.

Oh, the drapes.

Oh, that's a playful linen.

- Hi.

I used to live here - GIRL: Hey.

back when I was poor.

- Cool.

- No offense.

None taken, I guess.

- President Bighetti?

- Whoa!

- How did how'd you know my name?

- I go to Stanford.

Oh, no way!

I work at Stanford.

- I'm the president.

- Yeah, I know.

What are you doing here?

Um, I don't know.

I think 'cause Jian-Yang d*ed?

- I'm not sure.

- Who's that?

Okay.

So weird we're all back here.

Except for Jian-Yang because he's dead.

And Erlich.

Has anyone talked to Erlich?

Nope.

No.

But wherever he is, I hope he hasn't blown through all that money.

He definitely has.

Yeah, I'm sure he has.

(JEEP RUMBLING)

DOCUMENTARIAN: We're looking for Erlich Bachman.

In the other village, they said that he was here.

Is-is Erlich Bachman here?

- (FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

- He's here?

He's that way?

(CHATTERING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

- It's up here?

- (CHATTERING)

Erlich Bachman!

(INSECTS, ANIMALS CHIRPING)

So, this is Erlich Bachman's house?

- Erlich Bachman!

- Fantastic.

(MUFFLED MUSIC PLAYING)

We're just here to see Erlich Bachman.

Hello?

- (KNOCKING)

- Hello?

(MUSIC STOPS)

Whoa, whoa, easy, easy.

We're-we're friends.

Are you Erlich Bachman?

JIAN-YANG: Yes.

I'm Errich Bachman.

- I can show you ID.

- That's my face.

I was a-fat, but now, I'm a-not fat.

I'm sorry, this is supposed to be you?

(INHALES, EXHALES)

I have an idea.

- (WHISTLING)

- DOCUMENTARIAN: Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa I'm making the world a better place through an intelligent, semi-autonomous agent, powered by distributed, DNA-based compute that automates personal planning and scheduling.

Oh, bots.

Sounds like an atrocity.

Let's just hope you have better success than we did.

Oh, what company did you have?

- Oh, here we go.

- (CHUCKLING)

Uh, Pied Piper.

DINESH: Yep.

I'm unfamiliar DINESH: Rat invasion JARED: We we were a big failure.

Eight billion dollar valuation, down to zero in one day.

Was that, like, a social media company?

- DINESH: What?

Pied Piper.

- GILFOYLE: Are you f*cking with us?

Thank you guys so much for your time.

JARED: Hey, guys.

Guess what I accidentally brought in my bag.

- Oh, no way.

- (LAUGHS)

- Whoops.

- (LAUGHTER)

- RICHARD: We know this thing.

- DINESH: Wow.

I need a beer if we're gonna do this.

(FUMBLING)

JARED: Richard, be careful.

- Can I do it?

- ALL: Always blue!

Always blue!

Always blue!

Always blue!

Always blue!

Always blue!

Always blue (LAUGHTER)

- Okay.

- ALL: Always blue.

Always blue!

Always blue!

Always blue!

Always blue!

Aah!

RICHARD: Regrets?

Uh No.

No, I'm-I'm happy.

DOCUMENTARIAN: And you don't, you don't feel bad that you never got to make the world a better place?

Uh I think we did okay.

I actually could, um I I still have it.

One copy of the Pied Piper codebase.

I have it on a thumb drive.

I could show it to you.

We won't - look into it, but, um - (OPENS DRAWER)

I just wanna show it to you.

(RUMMAGING)

It's just got a couple things on there that I think I, honestly, this was like when we were coding the best we ever were, so some pieces of this thing are - sheer elegance.

- (OPENS DRAWER)

I wish I could show it to everybody because I wanna show it to my students.

Not my class, but another - I know it was in the desk.

- (RUMMAGING)

Okay, this is weird.

- (BANGING)

- sh*t, okay.

Where is it?

(RATTLING)

It's or it's orange.

It's this big.

It's just a thumb drive.

So, is anyone have any of your crew seen it or anything?

I mean right here.

- That's insa - (RUMMAGING)

I had the It's gotta be in the desk.

DOCUMENTARIAN: Is it a problem?

Um, no, not a problem.

Um It's just pretty fascinating.

Although if it isn't here where is it?