05x05 - Apocalypse? Now?!

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Magicians". Aired: December 2015 to April 2020.*
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"The Magicians" follows a young man who enrolls to be trained as a magician, where he discovers that the magical world from his favorite childhood books is real and poses a danger to humanity. Based on the novel of the same name.
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05x05 - Apocalypse? Now?!

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on "The Magicians" There's too much magic.

Everything that I touch just it grows like crazy.

I'm gonna let your bullshit slide on account of you so recently being possessed by a homicidal monster.

There was a blood worm scare, so the Library gave a lot of hedges the Reed's Mark.

I found a spell to remove the Marks in a Depository.

I get you're on a mission.

One of you's got to jet.

Either one of you can hang for eternity.

I've earned the right to step off.

We're here to study with Mayakovsky.

I hate all of you.

Professor?

"Best b*tches.

" Wear this, and you'll see what I see.

I'm Clarion, the goddess of melody.

The way that you're imagining the Harmonic Convergence isn't quite enough.

When all the spells cast by all the Magicians go haywire, you're gonna get earthquakes, starvation, plague.

She didn't have time to be delicate.

You can't travel anymore.

What exactly are we looking for, sir?

Not what.

Who.

- You two know each other?

- No.

Well, your subjects are rightly grateful.

For sending that letter?

AKA that thing I totally didn't do; you did.

I was gonna let you die for Fillory.

The Convergence can be stopped.

All you have to do is move that.

The Harmonic Convergence.

- AKA the end of the world.

- Not necessarily.

This constellation forms a cosmic sigil that increases magical intensity.

It has happened in the past without causing an apocalypse.

But now there's surges of magic.

So we get the disaster movie Clarion was talking about.

The Convergence will only occur during this perfect alignment.

If we move the moon out of position No Convergence, no Circumstance, no apocalypse.

The moon is not just a rock in space.

It has certain properties.

- Like?

- Magic doesn't work on it.

Thanks to Magicians casting haphazardly on it for millennia, the moon is now covered by a crust of spell debris, blocking new spells.

If we move any piece out of place, no Convergence.

Well, what if we just moved Mars?

She said with a straight face.

The other pieces are planets.

We can't move them because they are, well, very big and far away.

The moon is the only celestial body we stand a chance of affecting.

But won't that screw with the Circumstances?

What will magic be like when we're done?

Impossible to know.

It will be a brand-new Circumstance.

But to get to that problem, we need to solve this one.

Good, well, I hope you have some ideas, because we're striking out.

I do.

Consult the Lunatics.

- The lunatics?

- Short for "Lunar Fanatics.

" In the Middle Ages, people thought insanity was caused by changing phases of the moon.

In fact, it was often a Lunatic in the throes of worship.

They claimed to be able to achieve a magical connection with the moon and even under some circumstances move it.

Well, that sounds useful.

- Mm.

- Well, if it's just branding, it means they're not really crazy, right?

My dad always said that they were batshit insane, and he married my mom, so he had a pretty high bar for mental instability.

Regardless, they know more about the moon than anyone.

I believe that talking to them is our only chance at success.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[EERIE MUSIC]

What people don't understand is there is a skeleton of the universe, but we are the bones.

Oh, that's good to know.

I am a humerus.

You?

Patella.

We wanted to ask you about the moon.

Can we talk about it?

It it?

Her Lunacy Identifies as she/her.

That's right.

We knew that, right?

- Of course.

- We know.

If we wanted to move Her, how could we do that?

You don't move Her.

Okay, listen, Reba.

In just a few days, a whole lot of people are going to die.

That's a whole lot people that will never get to worship the moon.

They will never get to know Her like you do.

If She can help us save all of those lives imagine everyone that will realize just how much She deserves their love, their reverence.

So will you help us?

Just to be clear.

You don't move Her.

You ask Her to move.

And She won't let you speak to Her unless you get moon brain.

So one of us needs moon brain.

Not one of you.

Three of you.

A single Magician cannot generate enough power to reach Her.

So it's a cooperative spell then.

It is a sign of respect, Kneecap, that allows you to see Her as She truly is.

If you have moon brain, then you will see Her aura.

Now it is red, but when you perform the Dianic Ritual, Her aura will change.

If it is yellow, She is considering.

If it is green, She is listening.

Only then may you ask Her to move.

Red, yellow, green.

The guy who invented the stoplight, was he a Lunatic too?

William Potts?

Yeah.

Oh, cool.

All three Magicians must perform the ritual until the moon is listening.

A warning: once Her aura is green, She may choose to listen to anyone who calls to Her, so be ready.

You must choose one, the strongest among you, to speak to Her, like the old Lunatics taught us to.

For this second part, however, there is a price.

- A price, like blood?

- It is like blood to Her.

You will need a piece of Her.

A sacrifice.

A piece?

- Or like a moon rock?

- Yes.

But be aware, this will destroy it, so don't use your favorite one.

This is the price of speaking to the moon.

Just a few more questions.

What is moon brain, and how do we get it?

- Everyone line up.

- Pudding time!

Lovely to speak to you.

You too, Kneecap.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

[FUNKY MUSIC]

You ever just spin a globe, stick your finger down, see where it lands?

It's almost always water, because, well, duh.

Earth is mostly water, but sometimes it's the Sahara, sometimes the Urals.

That's what you'd be doing if you tried to travel.

Only instead of the globe, the multiverse, which is bigger and deadlier.

Afraid you'd say that.

I looked at everything I could think of, magical and medical.

Nada.

You're grounded.

All right, well, since I ain't traveling, I should probably step down.

Uh, if you're offering your resignation, I don't accept.

Not offering.

Stating.

With Dean Fogg out indefinitely, Brakebills has instituted our Dean Vanishment Protocol.

Of course, that's a thing here.

Yeah, and uh [CLEARS THROAT]

That makes me acting Dean Lipson.

There's no instruction manual, so I'm kinda dean-ing on the fly here, but one thing I do know is losing a professor who was disabled on school grounds ain't happening.

I mean, the optics would be pure shitflakes.

So your contract will be honored and enforced.

Oh, also.

We need a new Welters coach.

I've been on the inside, and I'm telling you it's a g*dd*mn goose-stepping, fairy-snatching, ethnic cleansing Gestapo.

To be fair, the ethnic cleansing happened after the Dark King left, so He's innocent because he delegates?

No, that's not what I'm saying.

Someone in this castle ordered the hunt on that Fairy.

It could have been the Dark King, but if it was someone else, k*lling Seb might just make things worse.

So we have to find out who before we coup.

I just wanna s*ab someone.

I haven't heard you this bloodthirsty in well, not that long, but still, it's notable.

Maybe I'm a bit on edge.

Josh keeps wanting to talk.

You mean about how you wanted to leave him in the past to die?

Yeah, that.

So far, I'm doing a good job of avoiding him, but eventually he's gonna sneak Guys.

- Hey, what's up?

- 'Sup?

First off, kudos on the hiding spot.

It took me forever to find you.

Pretty busy here, Josh.

You're busy?

I just got promoted to head chef.

- Oh, congratulations.

- Thank you.

But I'm about to bail on a state dinner and leave it to my incompetent sous-chef because Apocalypse!

Now!

Josh, would you just give it up?

He keeps trying to get us to join his film club, which I told him would never work on a planet with no electricity or taste.

Uh, no, uh, sorry.

This one's just a little shy.

It it's okay, buddy.

- Help us stop the - Apocalypse!

Now!

- Oh.

- We need to get back to Earth.

Margo, our talk will have to wait till after we save the world.

Oh, but then I have my nephew's bar mitzvah.

So after that?

- Mazel.

- Thanks.

[SIGHS]

What about our thing?

We have a lot of fact-finding to do before I can get to stabbing.

No problem.

I know just who to handle it.

You want me to what?

Just find out who in the castle hates Fairies.

Okay?

And what they're doing to them.

And why Fairies in the first place?

And maybe talk to some Fairies, get their side of things.

- Okay.

- And while you're at it anything else that seems important.

Okay, okay, okay.

No, um That seems like a lot of open-ended questions.

- Mm-hmm.

- I got this maid job to be close to you guys, and now you're deserting me?

[CHUCKLES]

I want to stop an apocalypse too.

Every apocalypse-stopping mission needs a maid on the outside.

It's a key staple in Earth movies.

Do you mean inside man?

'Cause that's more of a heist movie thing.

- No, that's different.

- Okay.

Everyone knows the "secret, sexy maid on the outside" trope.

- Yeah?

- Josh has a film club.

- You should check it out.

- Huh.

Maid on the outside.

Yeah.

So did your loony friend say how to get moon brain?

From what we read, her rituals are simple first-year Popper tuts.

But moon brain is the insanity you get from extreme sleep deprivation.

Extreme, like a night partying, or what are we talking about?

I wish.

Five nights without sleep, and we can't use magic to stay awake either.

Apparently, moon brain has to come about naturally.

This is completely nuts.

Isn't the Harmonic whatever happening in five nights?

Yes, so if we all start tonight, we might actually have a sh*t at stopping it.

Wait a minute.

[LAUGHS]

Five nights without sleep is gonna f*ck us up royally.

Can we even cast if we're that messed up?

Well, three of us have to.

Look, guys, I know it sucks, but whoever can stay up for 132 hours without sleep and not lose their sh*t gets to stop the apocalypse.

I don't know about you guys, but I am doing great.

- - Coffee.

Where's our fearless leader?

- - She's taking a cold shower to keep herself awake.

Third fourth time this morning.

Well, I don't know about you guys, but I am too excited to sleep.

I mean, we're doing it!

Is this, uh, helping you find moon rocks?

Mm.

No, this is helping us stay awake.

The moment I research, I'm out like a light.

Know what might help?

If we make this party a little more '80s themed.

Eliot.

Oh, I don't think we should.

If we ski the fresh powder, know what I mean?

- Yeah, I get it.

- I mean cocaine.

Get me cocaine.

- I am not getting you cocaine.

- Eliot.

A five-day bender would destroy your nose, and could you imagine what that would do to your sense of taste?

I get a full nine every night, and I'm still a bitch.

This is gonna get real.

Hey, guys, come check this out.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

I found something.

NASA brought back a bunch of moon rocks from the Apollo missions.

We're stealing from NASA?

Hell, yeah.

Mama's checking one more off her bucket list.

Okay, we're not stealing from NASA.

I checked, it's impossible.

I'm sorry.

But some of the rocks that they brought back, they gave out as gifts, and they went missing.

About 180.

The ones they did find, they found 'em in garages, desk drawers, kids' bedrooms.

Just lying around.

People forgot about them, but they're out there, and I definitely think we can get one.

Okay, you guys do that.

I'm gonna go get some stay-awake supplies.

I have a muffin recipe with a special ingredient that is guaranteed to keep us alert for five days.

What is it?

Meth?

Oh, excuse you.

It is a organic, locally-sourced natural stimulant that got me through every finals week, and it is definitely not meth.

That's exactly what I would say if I was trying to get us to take meth.

Mm-hmm.

You're taking retirement well.

I find that organization helps bring a sense of stability when one's feeling not stable.

Okay.

I need to find a Book Depository that got moved.

It's in Hell's Kitchen, that's all I know.

Library buildings are enchanted to blend in with their new environs whenever they're relocated.

You'll have to go door-to-door, find the building covered in Library wards.

Great.

Let's go.

You're abandoning your friends?

They have enough people for a rock search.

Plus, whatever's in Josh's muffins doesn't sound like something a person in recovery should be taking.

I need to find the Depository before we move the moon and screw up magic.

Right now, we have enough to remove Reed's Marks.

After, like you said, who knows?

I'm not sure I'd be much use to you.

Out in the world.

The building's impenetrable on a good day.

Unless you're a Librarian who knows the security protocols.

I don't know I'm not asking for your help.

I'm giving you a chance to fix your massive, massive mistake.

Mm.

Let's go.

High King Fen?

[GASPS]

Fairy!

Keep the High King talk quiet.

I'm undercover.

- You will come with me.

- Oh!

That that is so great.

I have a lot of questions for you.

Some I don't even know why I'm asking.

They said you would fear me.

Funny thing.

I am on a Fairy quest.

See, I'm a maid on the outside.

Super-secret.

Super-sexy.

Follow me, Maid on the Outside Fen.

Good.

Okay.

- Guess what I found.

- You found a moon rock?

I found a moon rock.

And those muffins smell amazing.

- Thank you.

- Now all we have to do is stay awake.

You know what helps me stay awake?

- What's that?

- An open, naked conversation about our relationship.

I wanna tell you about all my repressed emotions.

One by one.

Oh, baby.

[LAUGHS]

Josh.

Josh.

Josh!

Josh!

- Oh, no.

- Josh!

[SIGHS]

Oh, sh*t.

Oh, sh*t!

We leave you for one afternoon, and you f*ck us completely.

I'm sorry, guys.

I sat down for one minute because I never fall asleep when I have something in the oven.

Well, congratulations.

This is a milestone for you.

Hey, guys.

Hope you had better luck than we did.

Nope, we portal-hopped every lead we had.

The closest thing we found was a chunk of old concrete with the word "moon" written on it in Sharpie.

Those rocks are gone.

But we did come home to find Josh sleeping peacefully.

I'm going to assume your rudeness is because sleep deprivation makes you irritable.

Sure.

Assume that.

Yeah, I get it.

I'm gonna have to staple my eyes open; this is rough.

No one else sleeps.

We have four nights.

We need one rock lead to pan out.

But if the spell burns them up, what if we can't find any rocks because the Lunatics used them all?

What if there's no more moon rocks on Earth?

Just sayin', we could celebrate the Harmonic Convergence in Fillory.

It's a little dystopian at the mo', but on the plus, their weekend forecast doesn't call for an apocalypse.

[SIGHS]

Look, guys, if you're looking for some sort of inspirational speech on why you should stay and fight, I can't help you.

It's gonna suck, and even if we do succeed, which we might not, it's not like we're gonna get any credit.

The world ends, I end with it, knowing that I did everything I could, because I won't be able to live with myself otherwise.

Julia's right.

She really does suck at inspirational speeches.

But also that we should save the world.

I'm with you.

So am I.

Me too.

I'm in.

[AS GIMLI]

And my axe!

[CHUCKLES]

Really?

- No?

- No.

Should've led with, "You have my bow.

" - Mm-hmm.

- Nope.

Josh, put some fresh meth muffins in the oven.

Again, not meth.

[SCOFFS]

Hey!

No droopy eyes on my watch.

One more.

- - I'm good now.

I ain't.

Oh, well, right on cue.

I tried something new this round.

A hint of lavender and goji berry.

How we doin', Captain?

Oh, you know, 12 hours till the end of the world, and it's like we're still grasping for needles in a hay straw.

Fun.

Okay.

Probably not the best question for morale, but as the only person here who's slept this week, we have 12 hours and zero leads.

Is waiting here to die really the best option?

When are we gonna give Margo's idea another think?

Guys, I can't trust my brain right now, but this seems like it could be relevant.

I think this guy has a moon rock.

Oren Westbrook.

Why do I know him?

Because you're not a cave person.

He invented the tech for pop-up ads, and he invented the tech to block pop-up ads.

Ever since, he's just been a weird rich guy doing weird-rich-guy sh*t.

I heard his blood boy has his own blood boy.

[SIGHS]

Ew, what's on his eye?

That's the same tattoo that Reba had.

Julia, I think he's a Lunatic.

All right.

So in order to save the world, all we have to do is convince some eccentric billionaire with armed guards to give up something he probably considers to be, like, his Holy Grail.

All while we're so tired we can't see straight.

Pshh, no sweat.

[YAWNS]

Marvelous.

How did you handle the pain?

Knowing it would bring me closer to Her Lunacy - helped me get through it.

- - - [SIGHS]

Same as when I got mine.

That and a handful of opiates.

[LAUGHTER]

Hey, sorry about the security.

I hope you guys understand.

Ah, please, you can't let in every Lunatic.

Some people are crazy.

[LAUGHING]

Eliot.

Oh, wow, you guys really look awful.

What?

Eliot Your sunken eyes!

- Let me out.

- Preparing for moon brain?

The Harmonic Convergence.

Mm!

Yeah, baby.

I'm celebrating too.

I'm gonna have a few friends over for a party.

Uh, El?

Eliot?

Eliot, you good?

- Yeah, yea yeah.

- Yeah.

Just can't wait to see this amazing moon rock.

Don't worry.

You both will experience Her.

[SHAKY BREATH]

[SOFT MUSIC]

[SIGHS]

What a cozy little nightmare.

I might need you to punch me to stay awake.

Gotcha.

- Isn't She wondrous?

- Yeah, definitely.

Think we can turn on the lights and turn off the yoga music?

You got this from the moon how?

I went.

You just went to the moon like it was Coney Island?

Yeah, actually, it was pretty tough.

To be honest, I was trying to impress someone.

But in the end, our souls did not connect.

Yeah, we need to ask a favor.

For my fellow Lunatics, I would move Heaven and Earth.

[CHUCKLES]

About that Yeah, look, we know this rock is special to you - Super special.

- But we need it.

To move Her.

Hence the moon brain.

You do know what that would do, right?

Yes, but it's a matter of life and death.

We can stop the Harmonic Convergence if we can hold the moon out of position long enough.

- Why?

- Because it's going to cause worldwide destruction.

Magic will become so powerful, it'll be apocalyptic.

I mean, it's not like it's gonna wipe out all life on Earth.

Just some.

You know exactly how bad it's going to get, don't you?

What, are you planning to profit off this or something?

I'm planning to use my resources to help the world recover.

Now, I'm an entrepreneurial spirit.

I can't help but make money.

Now, I do think that the moon brain is getting to you.

Unless Mm, your eye tattoo is illusion magic.

You're no Lunatic at all.

I'll have my guards escort you out.

Let's go, El.

We tried.

Happens all the time.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

- Get it?

- All of it.

We have a problem.

So it's just security cameras until we get to the moon rock room, and that's where it gets tough.

One way in, one way out.

I mean, if we get caught, we're trapped.

Guys.

Guys!

- [LOUD MUSIC]

- Thanks!

So the rock.

Whole lotta wards around it, nothing we can't get past, except for the one on the rock itself.

It's well, it's a bond that we've never seen before, put there by Mayakovsky.

Well, that can't be right.

Oren just got the rock.

And didn't you say the last time you saw Mayakovsky, he was basically senile?

Yeah, well, I guess he got better.

I mean, he he put his signature into the lattice work of the spell.

You can't miss it.

It's the most amazing, most narcissistic thing I've ever seen.

Mm.

- Hey, Eliot?

- Hm?

Can I talk to you for a sec?

Yeah.

I said I'm fine.

[SIGHS]

I have been awake for thousands of hours straight.

Look, I saw your moment back there, and I think I might know what's up.

You think you do, but you don't.

Okay, so the first two nights, no sleep, things got a little weird, right?

Like picking up my phone to call Quentin.

You know, I must've done that like five times.

But then my brain crossed over into darker Here's the deal.

When the Sister was in me, I remember everything.

Every bloody second of it.

And usually, I'm good at pushing it away, but right now it is like a constant slideshow in the background.

Not fun.

El.

The Monster was in you for months.

Well, it was different.

People have different experiences.

All that time was just one big nap to me, which sounds so good right now.

[CHUCKLES]

I don't know why you're lying to me.

Or anyone.

I don't know why you're accusing me of lying.

Okay.

Neither of us have the bandwidth for this right now, and I don't trust you.

I don't.

But if you ever do decide to talk, open door.

sh*t.

If I may, lenses can be sensitive to changes in your Internal Circumstances.

You may need to adjust if you're feeling off.

God damn it.

If something is bothering you, I know I'm not the ideal person to talk to, but I am here.

I'm not feeling chatty at the moment, okay?

[SIGHS]

Look, you're not the only one that made a mistake, 'cause clearly it's still bothering me.

It's Fogg.

He's stuck in the Etheric Realm, and it's my fault.

Henry's in He always was a sensualist.

That place is a trap for people like him, who enjoy, well - Getting wasted?

- Mm.


He was trying to quit.

He shouldn't have even been in there.

He was only in there because of me.

And you were only there because you wanted to help the hedges.

You know, if we're being honest I wanted to get high.

Lucky me, that's the only way into the Etheric Realm.

Fogg just tagged along and got unlucky.

That wasn't luck.

I know the Emperor of the Realm.

If he kept Henry behind, it was because he sensed a flaw in him.

And if he kicked you out, it was because you were trying to do something good.

Nothing bores him like goodness.

Yeah, how do you know that?

I spent three years there once.

Jesus.

Before I came to the Library, my life was difficult.

The Etheric Realm was an escape.

How did you get out?

I stopped hating myself.

Eventually.

And then the Emperor grew bored with me.

Whatever kept Henry there, those were his demons, and that is something you couldn't fix.

Well, it doesn't stop me from feeling like sh*t about it.

The fact that you feel like sh*t, that is why you escaped.

So allow me to be blunt.

Don't waste time on self-pity.

Do what you came to do.

Thanks.

I'll try to be less of a bitch to you.

Mm.

If you can.

[BREATHES DEEPLY]

It's working.

I can see the wards.

This way.

[SIGHS]

[MAN SCREAMING]

It sounds like he's home.

Look, fair warning Who the hell are you?

We're looking for Mayakovsky.

Old, drunk, megalomaniac?

Fondness for knit caps?

Yeah, I'm his daughter.

I didn't realize he f*cked my mother?

Neither did he.

Should've seen his face when I came knockin'.

But we're fine now.

What do you want?

Can you let us down?

Sure.

Thanks.

Look.

We need to talk to your dad.

He's busy.

On our project.

Look, we think he may be the only person that can help us save the world.

He put a special magical bond on a moon rock, and we need his help to break it.

Wait, please tell me you're trying to rob Oren Westbrook.

- How do you know that?

- I installed that bond.

Yeah, last nice thing I did before I dumped his greasy ass.

- That was you?

- What?

You dated him?

Don't judge, but yes.

Anyfuck, right after I installed the bond, I caught the maid pegging him, and not the maid I okayed for threesomes.

- Mm - Okay.

So that means you'll help us?

I could.

But I need something from you.

A shade.

Either of yours will do.

[SCOFFS]

What are you gonna do with it?

- Are we gonna get it back?

- [LAUGHS]

No.

- You want my help?

- Mm-hmm.

One shade, payment in advance.

Discuss.

- It's safe.

- Thanks.

- [DOOR CLOSES]

- [SIGHS]

Any idea where to find a medical manual in here?

Unfortunately, the organizational systems - are down, so it may - [SCOFFS]

[SPEAKING SWAHILI]

May I?

[SPEAKING URDU]

- [ECHOING WHOOSH]

- Hm.

Sometimes I forget you're a f*cking master Magician.

I try to keep the showboating to a minimum.

Well, the Harmonic Convergence is in a few hours.

- You know what that means.

- I'll take this to Harriet ASAP.

Tell her if, God forbid, we can't stop it we might need all the hedges we can get to unfuck everything.

Desperate times, huh?

Didn't really have much choice.

Hey, uh, Julia?

Can you remind me why I'm dressed like this, please?

He's been like this all night.

Just running on muffin fumes.

Okay, let's just make sure we're all on the same page.

Okay?

Okay, so Josh, Margo, Penny.

You guys go inside, loop all the cameras, open the side door for Natasha.

I'll be outside waiting with Eliot and Alice.

We won't cast the spell until your signal.

You won't miss it.

Ready?

Break.

Eliot.

What are you staring at?

Pull the ripcord, get out.

We'll handle this.

I am not cocking out.

You're not right, El, and we both know why.

My crippling fear of/ attraction to authority?

Are you being honest with me?

Bambi, always.

I don't care if you've been keeping it from me, but all of our asses are on the line now.

Margo.

Do not worry about me.

I know, I've been a little bit off.

Blame it on the moon brain.

I promise I'm fine.

'Kay?

[SIGHS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hey!

How are you?

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh.

Uh, no guests.

Can you fetch me another plate of those crab puffs?

- Delish.

- Head of security.

- Not your waiter.

- Oh, good for you.

Have you tried the crab puffs?

Hey, my drink!

- What the - Watch the suit!

That's the third time you've done that tonight!

Watch what you're doing!

I'm gonna take you outside right now.

All right, fellas, break it up, break it up.

I looped that one, but I don't remember if I looped that one.

You don't remember five seconds ago?

Josh, I haven't had short-term memory in two days.

The only things I remember are being worried about Eliot and feeling like sh*t for trying to leave you in the past.

Really?

[LAUGHS]

f*cking moon brain.

Totally spaced out.

Why are you looking at me like that?

These are good.

Let's go.

[LAUGHTER]

- It's true.

It's true.

- [CLEARS THROAT]

Excuse me, sir.

Excuse me.

We have an issue.

Natasha?

What the hell is she doing here?

Well, my men will find out, but I have a hunch.

There's one thing you own that only she can steal.

[expl*si*n]

[CROWD MURMURING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Bring back the rock.

- Stop!

- Wh Right there, right there!

Let's go!

Natasha.

Where is she going?

For the last time, we don't know.

And even if we did, we would never admit it.

No bother.

My men have her now.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

What's going on?

- Where's the moon rock?

- What I don't I don't know!

Look, I was just hitchhiking, and a woman, she just threw the keys at me, okay?

Just take the van, whatever.

Look, she went that way.

She escaped?

Where's the rock?

Well, I officially have moon brain.

I can see Her aura.

It's red.

Let's do this quick before anyone comes in.

How long do we have to cast the first part again?

Until Her aura turns green and She's listening.

It's working.

Where is Natasha taking the rock?

Okay okay.

She said she was going to Philly.

The only thing worse than a traitor is a snitch.

You make me wanna puke.

Hey, hey, Josh.

Do you have any more muffins?

Almost there.

We had it.

What happened?

How did it turn red?

Eliot?

Wait, Eliot, come back!

We don't have enough power to finish this without you.

Eliot.

Eliot Let me out.

[DARK MUSIC]

[DARK MUSIC]

You're not there.

You're gone forever.

Quentin threw you in the Seam.

[SIGHS]

This isn't happening.

This is moon brain.

Stop right there!

My guards are in the room with your friends.

The rock never left, did it?

You know, I want the snitch to tell me what's really going on.

- What happened?

- assh*le fell asleep again.

His fight-or-flight response is to take a f*cking nap.

[MEN GROANING]

Or something else is up.

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

It wasn't me.

In here, boss.

- Marina.

- [CHUCKLES]

Ladies.

Did you put the guards to sleep?

Yeah, but I'm a little confused why you aren't snoozing too.

The only thing stronger than that spell is Oh, my God.

Are you on meth?

You know, it sure as hell seems like it.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

What are you doing here?

Keeping you from f*cking up my sh*t.

Harmonic Convergence, I need it.

Like Daddy always said, even meth can't b*at handcuffs.

I don't think you understand how bad the Convergence is.

No, I do.

But what you don't understand is how good it is for me.

I have a very critical mission, and I need the power convergence boost to do it.

So just this one time, could you please go home?

Look, whatever it is you're doing, it's not worth the world.

Mm, yes, it is.

I put a shitload of work into this.

I stole a Book Depository, for Christ sake.

That was you?

You sent that memory assassin after me.

Yeah, and not a life assassin.

You're welcome.

We're even, since you tipped us to this party.

- Frederick here - That's not my name.

Okay, not-Frederick here, overheard you in my Book Depository making these exciting plans for the Convergence.

Speaking of just started.

I flinch, it fires.

Oh I think we all know what that was.

It's the surge.

You know what that means, Chickee-poo?

Power is insane.

You're holding a nuke right now.

You let that thing go, we all go bye-bye.

Kady, she's right; with the Convergence and the surge, every spell is, like, super-powered right now.

Yeah, I bet you could cast something solo that would normally take three people.

- Isn't that what I just said?

- Marina!

Please, we are so close to saving everyone.

You can't just take that away from us now.

Whatever it is you're after, what's the point if there's no world?

There'll still be a world, just not as many people.

- Have you met people?

- She's listening!

Eliot, go!

- The f*ck are you doing?

- I've got it.

- You're moving the moon?

- Yeah.

I'm moving it back.

[BOTH STRAINING]

[GRUNTING]

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[BOTH SCREAMING]

Uh guys?

I think we just broke the moon.

Ah, sh*t
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