Casey : Oh, I asked for a Sumatra with a splash of soy, not a latte with whole.
Rebecca : You don't want me to get fat, do you?
Casey : get
Rebecca : what
Casey : Question: If I wanted to leak a sex video onto the Internet,could I do that straight from my phone?
Cappie : Nothing starts the day off right like that first cup of joe. After all, your first is always the best, don't you agree? - The one that's most special.
Casey : - The one you can never avoid.
Cappie :The one you can never forget.
Beaver : You guys are way into your coffee. Pardon, I spy a tasty morning muffin. (To Rebecca)Top of the morning, Muffin.
Casey : Ready to get slaughtered by Lambda Sigs?
Cappie :You're forgetting that we have The Beaver, the number one recruit for CRU football.
Casey : And the Lambda Sigs have numbers two through 30.
Cappie :Never discount the underdog.
Rebecca :Here you go. Try this.
Casey : Um... I think I want an iced coffee.
Cappie : Might I recommend a Cappie-ccino?
Casey : Go play your sports.
Rusty : Hey, Cap.
Cappie : Spitter! Is that you?
Rusty: Yeah, hi.Do you think I can get a chance to play? I'm ready, I've been practicing.
Cappie: Can you see those huge guys out there with the sticks?
Rusty: Yeah.
Cappie: Good, because I can't,which might be a sign of a concussion. Wait, there they are. Be right back.
Beaver: Can't get past their new goalie. Guy's a machine.
Cappie: Come on, Beav. Kappa Taus never say die.
Evan: The Kappa Taus are dead. Looks like we're gonna be
going up against the Lambda Sigs next. O'Toole, will you do me a favor
and do some recon work on that goalie?
Casey: As athletic support liaison for Omega Chi,it's my job to solicit ideas on how I can effectively support you.
Evan: OK.
Casey: Bake cookies? Paint signs? How about a pep rally?
Evan: How about just this?
Casey: Good, 'cause I hate baking cookies.
Frannie: I mean, how hard is it to embroider "ZBZ Hearts Omega Chi" on a polo?
Rebecca: I could make some calls for you.
Frannie: Oh, Casey'll figure it out. She's always my point for special projects.
Rebecca: Could I put my name into the mix for an assignment?
Frannie: Oh, sweetie, pledges don't get assignments.
Rebecca: I was thinking you might make an exception, considering my experience and my dad's house in Jackson Hole. Could be fun for a committee retreat.
Frannie: I do look really good après-ski. Let me ponder.
Rebecca: What's the story with the scruffy Kappa Tau who looks like Rob Thomas? He was talking to Casey...
Rebecca: Oh, God, he just can't get over it. Casey made the mistake of dating Cappie freshman year. He's ridiculous, has no discernible goals. We considered withholding her activation
because of that unholy alliance. Luckily, she came to her senses and dumped him.
Rebecca: I love learning about my Big Sis.
Cappie: Time out! All right. We're down three goals. There's a minute left. Only one thing we can do. Start drinking now. This game's over. Pledge.
Pledge: Yes, sir.
Cappie: All fours, please. Thank you. Hey, Rudy. Hop in, don't die.
Rusty: OK, you got it.
KTT: You the man, Spitter.
Casey: They're putting Rusty in?
Evan: Oh, this should be good.
Casey: Oh it’s going to be bad. Very, very bad.
Rusty: Hey, I think we met on Rush Night.
Lambda Sig: Great, you ready for pain?
Rusty: Is that a trick question?
Casey: Is it over?
Evan: Oh, yeah.
Wade: Nice going, Spitter. You just scored against your own team.
Cappie: They really should mark those.
Ref: I said, take off the mask! The Lambda Sigs are disqualified for the improper use of a professional athlete: Marty McSorley. The Kappa Taus will play the Omega Chis!
Man: On your feet, Pledge Owens!
Calvin: Dad?
Dad: Unbelievable. Twenty-two years, this place hasn't changed. Of course, we did a better job
of keeping it clean, but you goats'll learn.
Calvin: What are you doing here?
Dad: Uh, I believe that's my line. I've been at college four weeks.
Calvin: Are you suffering from invasion of privacy withdrawal?
Dad: it's the first weekend of the IM sports season. I thought I'd come watch you play. Imagine my surprise when I went to the gym and you were nowhere.
Calvin: I guess I forgot.
Dad: You loved hockey in high school.
Calvin: Our agreement required me to pledge your fraternity, all right? That's all.
Dad: So, uh... do they know?
Calvin: Nope. And I'm not planning on telling them.
Dad: Wait. This couldn't be the same chair. I was dating this ZBZ,
uh, Hilary... what's-her-face.
Calvin: Dad.
Dad: I won't get into details...
Calvin: Let's just stop right there.
Dad: All right.
Beaver: We'll drink your beer Then steal your girl
Rebecca: Singing Beaver. Now I've seen everything.
Beaver: Muffin! I missed you.
Rebecca: Tell me about you. The Kappa Taus. Cappie.
Beaver: Kappa Taus win.
Evan: On a technicality. Shocker.
Cappie: Don't worry. We'll b*at you gals fair and square.
Evan: Like you've beaten us at anything.
Cappie: One word. Beer Pong.
Evan: You are a joke! You know that?
Beaver: And you're a jerk-off.
Cappie: It's all right, Beaver. I mean, if Spitter can take him down with a paddle, I can take care of myself.
Evan: Too bad you couldn't take care of Casey.
Cappie: Now why'd you have to go?
Beaver: He took care of her. All night long during Rush.
Cappie: Down, Beav!
Evan: I'll see you on the court.
Casey: I bought a ton of stuff to rally the Omega Chis. Pledge Rebecca, would you unload my car, please?
Rebecca: I'll let you two talk first.
Frannie: Come sit. Let's chat. Lemonade?
Casey: Sure.
Frannie: Now that the game is going to be between the Omega Chis and the Kappa Taus, I have some concerns about our athletic support program.
Casey: Wow. That's some lemonade.
Frannie: I feel like this is my fault, even though it isn't. When I told you to even the score with Evan, I meant go find some cute barista without a last name,not your skeezy ex.
Casey: What are you talking about?
Frannie: Rebecca heard it from The Beaver. Apparently he announced it after the game... in front of everyone. Including Evan.
Casey: Oh, God.
Frannie: She felt awful telling me, but she did it to protect you. And us. There's a potential conflict
of interest.
Casey: Wait, are you questioning my loyalty?
Frannie: I'm not, sweetie. But it's about outside perception. So I have decided to have Rebecca replace you as athletic support liaison until this whole thing blows over.
Casey: She's a pledge.
Frannie: She has great ideas to take it to the next level.
Casey: But she's a pledge. You're replacing me with a pledge?
Frannie: Casey, let me impart for a sec. An important aspect of being a leader is the ability to manage your mistakes. Remember when Cheney sh*t that man? He went underground for a couple days in a bunker, laid low and before you know it, the guy he sh*t was apologizing to him. Genius, right?
Casey: Yes, but...
Frannie: I'm just trying to help you. Please, for your own good, go underground.
Rusty: I was thinking, maybe I can be more useful on defense.
Cappie: It's a big game. Bigger than all of us. The classic battle between good and Evan. Beer Pong started a winning streak
against the Omega Chis that I'm ready to defend to the death.
Rusty: I did win at Beer Pong.
Cappie: Absolutely, you're the MVP of Beer Pong. But we gotta put our good guys in this time around to destroy Evan Chambers.
Rusty: I know Evan's a jerk, but what'd he do to you?
Cappie: We go way back. I've hated Evan for almost two years now, since we roomed together freshman year.
Rusty: What happened freshman year?
Cappie: Long story. You understand that kicking Evan's ass can only mean good things, so that's what we have to do.
Rusty: I want to help.
Cappie: Spitter, do you know the most important part of any athletic organization?
Rusty: Morale?
Cappie: Hydration.
Rusty: You want me to be the water boy?
Cappie: Team hydration facilitator. Remember, it's not what your fraternity can do for you, but what you can't do for your fraternity. And you just cannot play floor hockey.
Rusty: It's what you can do for your fraternity. It's affirmative.
Cappie: That's the spirit!
Evan :The Kappa Taus aren't as much of a thr*at as the Lambda Sigs, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't bring our best game. That is why I've asked our distinguished alum Coach Roger Owens to help us train. Yeah, coach.
Roger Owens: Thank you. Whether it's the Rose Bowl or intramurals, the story's the same. A team wins because everyone is on the same page. A team is only as strong as each individual player, which is why I'd like to tell you a little bit about my son, Pledge Owens.
Calvin: Uh... Father Owens? Can I talk to you for a second?
Roger: Trust me, you don't need to hide who you are. Gentlemen, my son has a secret he needs to share.
Calvin: No, I don't.
Roger: It's OK, Calvin. These walls are sacred. Calvin's not just an ordinary pledge. He's different.
Calvin : Dad!
Roger: Calvin is... an all-state hockey player. You got to put him on the team!
Casey: So, does it need some glitter?
Rebecca: I was kind of going with a pink and green theme. Something more like this. Wait, that's not right.
Casey: Hey, Little Sis, can I have a word?
Rebecca: What's up, Big Sis?
Casey: Think you can come between Frannie and me...
Rebecca: I feel for you. Frannie appointed me because she couldn't trust you. I'm doing what Frannie feels is best for Zeta Beta.
Casey: You didn't want to come in the first place.
Rebecca: But I'm here now, because of you. Ironic, isn't it? I've spent the past 18 years of my life as the dutiful daughter of my father's political machine. Time I start a machine of my own. Who knows, maybe I'll be the youngest president this sorority's ever seen.
Casey: Beware of the limelight, Little Sis. You've got a couple skeletons
in your closet.
Rebecca: Oops! I'm not leaving, Big Sis. And I'm not afraid to play dirty.
Evan: It must've been tough having your dad as your coach.
Calvin: Yeah. He's pretty hardcore.
Evan: I feel you. I used to hate when my dad even came to my soccer games. No matter how well I played, it was never enough. So I took up cross-country. The meets were so boring he lost interest. And I haven't touched a soccer ball since.
Calvin: So you'll understand if I decide not to play?
Evan: No, man! Are you crazy? I am putting you on every sports team we have until you finish grad school or your knees blow out.
Calvin: Anything for the brothers.
Evan: I like your attitude, pledge.
Rusty: You're practically a professional hockey player. Why didn't you ever mention it?
Calvin: You didn't ask. It's not that big of a deal.
Rusty: Yeah, but you were a jock. People cheered for you. No one cheers for you when you solve a Vogel-Fulcher-Tammann equation. Except my mom.
Dale: Last chance to join me for the most fantastic Left Behind party ever.
Rusty: No, thanks.
Calvin: You sit around and read the books?
Dale: We also, you know, interpret signs from current events and try to predict the end of days and order a delicious pizza.
Calvin: I'll catch the next one.
Dale: The next one may be in heaven, so you make sure you're on that list.
Rusty: I have got to live at the Kappa Tau house next semester.
Calvin: Yeah, you know, then you can fetch your bros water 24-7.
Rusty: It's only because we're playing against Evan. Otherwise, they would give me a chance.
Calvin: You really think so? This whole brotherhood thing, I'm not so sure I buy it.
Casey: Do I get girlfriend points for going to see a movie called Hot Rod?
Evan: Yeah, 'cause I am definitely in the mood for a comedy. What?
Casey: Can we please talk about this? It's not like you didn't know it
was Cappie. I mean, you knew, right?
Evan: Yeah, I knew it was him. But I didn't know that everyone else on campus knew.
Casey: It's not everyone on campus. I guess one or two Kappa Taus
saw me leave the next morning.
Evan: Couldn't be discreet?
Casey: Hooking up with Rebecca in a rush party didn't exactly go unnoticed.
Casey: Look, I'm sorry, Case, but when I think about you and Cappie,
I kind of lose my mind. I thought all this was behind us.
Casey: It was. Until Frannie started doubting my loyalty to Omega Chi, took me off athletic support and... brought this whole thing up again. Are you doubting me too?
Evan: I'm gonna get some popcorn. I'll meet you inside.
Rusty: I thought you wanted to meet for brunch.
Casey: What? Coffee. Doughnut. Brunch.
Rusty: It doesn't matter. I'm not very hungry anyway. So, what's up with you?
Casey: I don't want to talk about it. I mean, Evan and I had the worst date ever last night. Hot Rod: hilarious. The date with Evan: Not so funny.
Rusty: What's going on with you two?
Casey: Never mind, it's too complicated. You make one mistake and suddenly, like, everybody doubts you and forgets everything good and loyal you've ever done.
Rusty: Um, should I know what that means?
Casey: Like I said, it's complicated.
Rusty: Fine. My turn. I've been benched. Cappie's not letting me play hockey, which is like a flashback to being ten years old and the worst in little league.
Casey: Not like they're perfect.
Rusty: Well, they're definitely better than I am. And they have no right to sidelinea person based on assumptions. Not entirely assumptions. I scored for the other team.
Casey: So why let them set the terms?
Rusty: Yeah, you're right. I didn't join a fraternity to be
a water boy. I joined to be part of it. Give them proof. Get in the driver's seat.
Rusty: OK.
Casey: I got to go.
Rusty: OK. Thanks.
Casey: Don't mention it. Doughnuts are on me.
Rebecca: I just wanted to do a little something to thank you for all your team spirit this week.
Ashleigh: Tiffany mesh bangles.
Frannie: Very impressive, Rebecca.
Rebecca: Wait until you see the T-shirts we made. So cute.
Casey: Wow, homemade T-shirts. That is impressive.
Rebecca: Thanks, Big Sis.
Casey: For a pledge. But if you really want to win, you have to be serious. You have to be willing to play dirty. Right, Becks? Posters and T-shirts? That's great if this were 1985 and we all had feathered hair. But I straighten my hair, Rebecca, because I'm serious. So let's stop playing around.
Frannie: Casey, what are you doing out of your bunker?
Casey: I've got a plan that guarantees the Omega Chis win the game. But it's not going to be easy. It's going to require that you wear the sexiest, sluttiest,sweetest outfits you own.
Ashleigh: Oh, my God, I'm totally in!
Dale: Did we have physics homework?
Rusty: No. I'm learning to play hockey.
Dale: That won't work.
Rusty: It has to. Physics explains everything. If I don't have the skills to play the sport, my brain can definitely make up for it.
Dale: Interesting choice using Drew's Theory of Friction.
Rusty: With Euclidean Quantum Field Theory.
Dale: Don't forget... All right.
Rusty: I'm on it.
Dale : You know, this just might work. Rusty, me, you, we could change the very nature of sports. Take back playgrounds and fields and courts and rinks from the gifted. The future could be ours.
Rusty:I just want to play intramurals.
Dale: Yeah, today intramurals, but tomorrow the world.
Rusty: If I line up here, taking into account the slant of the incline, the height of the goal and the rate of my metabolism...
Dale: I told you, it's 73 degrees!
Rusty: This is hopeless. I can't do this.
Dale: Work with motion capture again.
Rusty: This is stupid. There's a reason nobody has taken back playgrounds.
Dale: It's physically impossible.
Rusty: Wait… If we recalculated diameter
of the ball in relation to the stick... No, I'm done. We can't turn ourselves into athletes. Einstein probably sucked at floor hockey too.
Casey: Hey, boys. Want to party?
Beaver: Yeah!
Cappie: Slow down, Eager Beaver. Beware of hot Greeks bearing gifts.
Beaver: Huh?
Cappie: Methinks we find ourselves confronted by a very attractive Trojan Horse. We invite you in, you get us drunk, we lose the game tomorrow. The Kappa Taus will not succumb to such obvious trickery.
Rebecca: So much for straight hair.
Casey: Are you seriously turning this down?
Cappie: I'm doing better than that. I'm imposing a two-drink limit! Don't use the upstairs bathroom. Please. Thank you.
Frannie: OK, how did you know they couldn't count past two?
Casey: We threw booze and girls into the equation.
Frannie: I just hope I haven't exposed myself to herpes for nothing.
Casey: Trust me.
Frannie: OK.
Beaver: I knew you'd come back to me.
Rebecca: We need to get you deodorant.
Casey: Good work, pledge. He's a great player, so it's your job to make sure he gets extra attention.
Frannie: Hands! No one's allowed back in the house until they've been disinfected.
Ashleigh: This is fun! We have to do this with every house on campus! And we could wear different theme outfits...
Casey: How are we doing in here?
Ashleigh: On their sixth round of cement mixers.
Casey: Just to be clear, we're trying to slow them down, not k*ll them. OK?
Ashleigh: Fine.
Cappie: You've been avoiding me.
Casey: Where's Rusty tonight?
Cappie: Not here. We're all alone.
Casey: So are you gonna let him play?
Cappie: Shh! Let's not talk about family.
Casey: How about boyfriends? Because I have a boyfriend.
Cappie: Whose ass is gonna be grass tomorrow. What do you see in that tool anyway?
Casey: I happen to like nice guys.
Cappie: I'm nice guys.
Casey: No, you're not. You're... ...drunk.
Roger: What happened to you?
Calvin: I pulled my hammy in practice. I think I'm gonna have to sit this one out.
Roger: Go to student health?
Calvin : Nothing they could do. Good luck today. Go Omega Chi. Go ahead. I'll meet you at the gym. All right.
Roger: What the hell are you doing?
Calvin: What I wanted to do in the first place.
Roger: You gonna let your brothers down?
Calvin: Dad, you said all I had to do was join your fraternity and you'd pay for college. I'm doing your guy thing, everything else, in my opinion, is non-negotiable.
Roger: Did you think I wanted you to pledge because it would make you a man?
Calvin: Didn't you?
Roger: I wanted you to pledge this house because some of the great friendshipsof my life started here. My brothers got me through some tough times. They helped me start my career,stood up with me at my wedding...
Roger: Gays can't get married, remember?
Roger: What about one of those, uh, commitment ceremonies? Oh, what are we calling it now, um, civil union partnerships?
Calvin: Dad. That's not the point, all right?
Roger: Have you told anyone here?
Calvin: No.
Roger: Son, you have nothing to be ashamed of.
Calvin: I'm not ashamed. And I'm great with being gay. It's just how everyone else reacts that sucks. When I came out in high school, I went from being "Calvin Owens" to "that gay hockey player-guy. " And I'm more than that. And this is my chance to start fresh, on my own terms. So I'll tell who I want, when I want. But to be honest, Dad, it's not the most interesting thing about me.
Roger: Look, play, don't play, that's up to you. I don't want you to miss out on what I got from this experience. Some pretty amazing friends.
Rusty: Water boy reporting for duty. You guys, the game starts in 20 minutes! Beaver? Hey, are you OK?
Beaver: Muffin... Devil.
Rusty: Cap. Cap.
Calvin: So where do you want me, coach?
Coach: Get out there and show them what you got, Pledge Owens.
Calvin: Yeah.
Coach: It's about time, guys.
Rusty: What are you doing here?
Dale: Risking my soul to tell you we forgot to factor in torque due to perspiration and weight differential of water loss, which changes everything.
Rusty: I don't have time. I'm not even playing.
Dale: Listen. This is bigger than you. We started something. I expect you to finish it. It wasn't 73 degrees, Rusty. It was 78. Do you hear what I'm saying? It's 78! We had it all wrong. Take back the gym, Rusty. For all of us.
Casey: Don't you want your good luck kiss?
Evan: Must be tired of coming in second to me.
Cappie: You know what makes it easier? Knowing I'll always be her first.
Frannie: Oh, that was awesome! Who knew sports could be so fun?
Casey: Definitely.
Frannie: Congratulations, Casey. Your plan was creative, effective and very dirty. Cheney would be proud.
Casey: Thanks.
Ashleigh: Calvin is amazing. And he's kind of hot. Is it just me?
Calvin: You can get off me now.
Heath: Right, sorry. Call me later?
Beaver: Maybe we should call it, Cap.
Cappie: I'm over here, dude. Maybe we should throw in the towel.
Rusty: No, you can't give up. Isn't this game bigger than both of us? Isn't this about kicking ass? Isn't this about "good versus Evan?"
Cappie: He's right. You may not be feeling well. Some of you are even still drunk. But I see before me a team of Kappa Taus, playing in defiance of tyranny. You've come to fight as free men,
and free men you are. Will you fight? Aye. Fight and you may die. Run and you may live, at least a while.
Beaver: It hurts real bad, Cap.
Cappie: Drunk people don't feel pain! And neither do Scotsmen. We may be puking, but Omega Chis are not used to running on puke like we are. And Rusty here... Look at him. Just a nice kid from Cleveland.
Rusty: Chicago.
Cappie: And I know that when he's dying in his bed many years from now, he'll be willing to trade all his days, from this day, for one chance.
Rusty: I'm actually fine.
Cappie: Just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never be able to take our freedom!
Cappie: If he's dead, do we win automatically?
Omega Chi: Dude, Owens, nice play out there, man. I can't believe you almost weren't gonna play with us this year.
Calvin: Yeah, I'm kind of regretting missing the first game.
Omega Chi: Look at that guy, can't take a hit. What a freaking q*eer.
Rusty: Come on, Beav.
Cappie: Is he dead?
Rusty: He's still breathing. I've got to find adrenaline or something.
Ref: So are you playing somebody else? I need a decision. Let's go.
Cappie: We'll play a man down.
Evan: Hey, what about your water boy? I bet he wants to play.
Cappie: You know what? That's a great idea. Suit up, Spitter. You're going in.
Rusty: I can't do this. I'm telling you, I practiced, I studied, none of it mattered. I suck! I'm not kidding!
Cappie: Spitter. Do you know what separates a sucky athlete from a great one? This.
Rusty: Upper-body strength?
Cappie: Your heart. Now grab your stick and be a Kappa Tau. Oh, and Rusty? If you get the ball, go that way.
Rusty: Please don't hit it to me.
Casey: Please don't hit it to him.
Cappie: Spitter, run!
Rusty: Let the dork up. Equipment penalty for not wearing a cup? Which makes us lose the game. That's just ridiculous.The worst ref ever.
Cappie: Because you forgot to protect them, doesn't mean you don't got them.
Evan: Omega!
Rusty: I'm sorry I let you down.
Cappie: I'm sorry I was so blinded by my desire to win,I completely forgot what being a Kappa Tau is all about.
Rusty: Brotherhood?
Cappie: Drinking and hot chicks. That was one hell of a sh*t, though.
Rusty: Maybe it was luck. Or chance. Or science. I don't know. I just know I'm not good at athletics and I don't have to be.
Cappie: No, you don't. Now come on, Spitter. Let's get you a drink you can swallow. Barkeep.
Casey: Where's Beaver?
Rebecca: Where's Cappie?
Ashleigh: Where's my drink?
Frannie: Uh, Pledge Rebecca,can you get me a glass? Thanks.
Cappie: Ladies, just wanted to say thank you for the party favors last night. Most enjoyable.
Ashleigh: Thank us? But we sabotaged you. I can't believe I just said "sabotage" Maybe I am learning French.
Cappie: We would have won,if not for the tragic technicality. And the cement mixers.
Casey: It was a pretty dirty trick.
Cappie: I'm a big boy. I can handle it, Case.
Ashleigh: Sorry, Cappie, we're Omega Chi girls, remember? Bye.
Cappie: It's kind of nice when the good guys win, don't you think?
Rusty: Not quite the same when you win because I wasn't wearing a cup. I'm just saying.
Evan: Hey, thanks for the athletic support.
Casey: Can you believe Frannie doubted me?
Evan: She would have to be crazy.
Casey: And you know what? I bet she feels like a jackass for it. All's forgiven.
Calvin: There's always rugby in the spring.
Rusty: I think I'm going into early retirement.
Calvin: There are certain things you have to accept about yourself. I'm good at table sports and I just suck at hockey.
Rusty: Yeah.
Calvin: And I'm gay.
Rusty: Right.
Calvin: Oh.
Rusty: Yeah.
Calvin: I knew this gay guy once. Well, it wasn't
that he was once gay. I knew him. Once. And he was gay. He is gay. Are you OK? You're having a little mouth spasm.
Rusty: Yeah, I just know that this is a big moment.
Calvin: And I have no clue what to say. What are you thinking?
Rusty: Well, I think I should let you know
that I'm OK with it.
Calvin: Which I am. But then in my head I'm just like, you know, "way to be presumptuous, Rusty. "
Rusty: We're friends. It's not like you
need to get my permission to be gay. We are who we are. Right?
Calvin: Right.
Rusty: So does everyone else know but me?
Calvin: Actually, no one hereat school knows but you.
Rusty: Wow. Are you gonna tell your Omega Chi brothers?
Calvin: Uh... Well, it's one thing at a time. I just, uh... I just want to get through pledging first. It's good to know that I have at least one brother for sure.