ZBZ HOUSE – Dining-room
Rebecca : A little pick-me-up! I thought you could use it, given the whole, you know, Sweetheart debacle.
Frannie : Chocolate shavings, very intuitive.
Rebecca : Dark chocolate, no less.Tasty and high in fiber. It's win-win.
Frannie : Speaking of win-win, remember when you were asking for more responsibility with the sorority? I think I might have something for you. Campaign manager. I'm considering a second term as Zeta Beta president.
Rebecca : I can see your campaign slogan now: "Frannie, so nice she deserves to lead twice. "
Frannie : That just came to you?
Rebecca : I know. It's a gift. I'm thinking we strategize over the break at my house in Jackson Hole?
Frannie : I think that is a great idea.
Casey : You thought me being president was a great idea, too. Remember that?
Frannie : And I thought Orlando Bloom was going to be the next Tom Cruise. We all make mistakes, don't we? Rebecca, walk with me.
ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway
Ashleigh : Oh, my God, you guys! Have you seen today's Courier?
Frannie : We have a school paper? Oh, my God.
CRU – Rusty & Dale’s room
Rusty : Nope. Let's do one more. Do my eyes look crossed to you?
Jen K : No, your eyes look adorable. They've looked adorable in the past 15 pictures that we've taken.
Rusty : This picture has to be perfect. It'll be seen throughout Chicagoland. My parents, friends in the Eagle Scouts, my English teacher who created an eHarmony profile for me in tenth grade.
Jen K : I was hoping that you wanted this picture so you wouldn't forget me.
Rusty : Forget you? I can barely even remember anything before you.
Jen K : Mmm, I don't want to go home.
Rusty : Me neither. It's just four weeks. A nanosecond when you consider the age of the galaxy.
Jen K : Good. Then let's get this picture perfect.
Dale : Button up your privates, the Lord's witness coming through.
Rusty : The Lord evolved our privates, Dale. He's seen them.
Dale : I'm sure he doesn't want me to see.
Jen K : You can look, Dale.
Dale : Then you can look at this. Your people made the front page.
Jen K : "The secret world of the CRU Greek system exposed!"
Rusty : "Sex scandals, booze and cheating run rampant. Written by Anonymous. "
Dale : Finally, the liberal media gets something right.
Credits
CRU – MEETING ROOM
Dean Bowman : Enough! Bribing girls to pledge during rush? An automated telephone service for cheating? Indiscriminate sex and rampant underage alcohol abuse? Clearly, you people are unable to regulate yourselves, so from this day forward the university will do it for you. As dean of students, you'll answer to me now.
Cappie : Your Honor, I object!
Dean Bowman : To?
Cappie : Well... jean shorts. Dane Cook, highly objectionable. Oh, and, uh... oh, your complete and utter lack of presumption that we're innocent until proven guilty. No more questions, your witness.
Wade : Pre-law?
Cappie : Not yet, but I'm digging the suit.
Dean Bowman : Son, stand up. The only presumption I'm willing to make is that the Greek social calendar will now be much less crowded. Next semester, everything changes. I'll be watching you.
Cappie : Did you mean for that to sound perv-y?
Evan : Dean Bowman is this close to shutting us down and you're mouthing off.
Cappie : Will you quit bellyaching, Evelyn? Your parties are lame, what do you have to lose?
Casey : OK, stop! Both of you. This is the time to put our issues aside and work together to...
Frannie : Thank you. You can step away now. Dean Bowman may think we shosideall be held accountable, but I think we know better. There is a rat out there. There's a house that's been feeding that rat all of our secrets so it could publish its droppings on the front page.
Cappie : We should focus on the university...
Frannie : I, and the rest of the ZBZ sisters, will not stop until both that house and that rat are brought to justice. Who is with me?
All : Yeah !!!!
CRU – STREET
Casey : Frannie. Frannie, wait up!
Frannie : Walk faster.
Casey : Just hear me out. I think the rat is in our house. And I think it's Rebecca Logan.
Frannie : Hear me out. Head to student health and have your obsession checked.
Casey : You started a witch-hunt and we might be the witches. Bribes to get a pledge to join a house? Hazing that involved naked pictures of faculty members? These are all things that happened at our house this semester. It's one of our pledges. "Faced with her boyfriend's infidelity, one sister had sex with her ex-boyfriend to even the score.The original two remain the 'it' couple on campus. " Sound familiar?
Frannie : Maybe you should have them run an MRI on that ego of yours too.
Casey : Come on, Frannie. This isn't about you and me right now. It's about Zeta Beta. And if I'm right about Rebecca, none of the other Greeks will have anything to do with us.
Frannie : Give it to me.
KT HOUSE – Living – room
Cappie : I said it. I said it. Hey!
Rusty : So how much do you think the dean is going to investigate? The article mentioned the cheating phone number.
Cappie : Don't you worry about Dean Blowman back there. He's challenged us to become more ingenious, more innovative in our pursuit of the Kappa Tau lifestyle. Take a seat. Look, next semester, it is our mission to execute some of the most ass-kicking, rule-bending parties that this campus has ever seen.
Rusty : So we'll go underground?
Cappie : And below the radar and behind the barn. Who is with me? Who's with me?
All : Yeah !!!!
ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway
Casey : As your pledge educator, I feel we've all grown very close. So I want you all to feel comfortable opening up to me. The author of this article knew private details that happened in this house. She clearly has no loyalty to anything or anyone except herself. Likes to spread misery.
Rebecca : You're not serious.
Casey : It reads like your résumé.
Rebecca : Frannie, you know she's crazy, right? I've never been anything but loyal to you.
Frannie : To me, absolutely. But your devotion to the sisterhood has been a bit... suspect.
Rebecca : I have been a huge asset to this house, and I have received nothing but grief for it. If you think I did it, fine. Then prove it.
SAGA HOTEL
Calvin : Nice motel, Ash. Either you're planning a meth bender or you're on the lam.
Ashleigh : Travis called this morning, and, for our six-year anniversary, he's making a spontaneous visit. Tonight.
Calvin : Aren't you gonna see him when you go home?
Ashleigh : That was the plan until he decided he'd rather spend the break with friends in Mexico.
Calvin : Oh, that sounds...
Ashleigh : Inconvenient? I know! The house is at DEFCON 5 because of this stupid article. He could not have chosen a worse time.
Calvin : Well, did you tell him?
Ashleigh : I did. He says he finds it highly suspect that our school paper is capable of serious investigative reporting.
Calvin : Of course he did.
Ashleigh : This was the only place available on six hours notice. Ugh! Help me make it livable. The last thing I need now is Travis bitching about this room.
Calvin : Hey, hey, hey. Just relax, OK? The only thing this room needs to be beautiful is you in it. OK? All right?
Ashleigh : Thanks.
Calvin : Mm-hmm.
Ashleigh : I'm not so sure Travis feels the same way.
Calvin : All right, let's try to make this place look a little less like that movie Hostel.
CRU – Rusty & Dale’s room
Rusty : So they really think Rebecca Logan wrote the article?
Jen K : Yeah. And they were really angry.
Rusty : I'm really angry. Aren't you? I mean, she's made a mess of everything. And for what? It's unforgivable.
Jen K : Well, what if slife. About ho to hurt anyone? What if she was just... telling the truth?
Rusty : Defending Rebecca Logan?
Jen K : No, I'm defending whoever wrote the article because... she isn't necessarily a bad person. She might be someone you could like. Or love.
Rusty : What are you saying?
Jen K : I wrote the article, Rusty.
Rusty : I don't understand.
Jen K : I pitched the whole undercover idea to the editor at the first of the year. I wanted a spot on the newspaper staff. It's really competitive. So I went through Rush, pledging, all of it, as an unbiased observer. Only, by the end, I wasn't so unbiased, which is why I kept the article vague. I kept everyone's names anonymous. I only wrote enough to give it...
Rusty : You wrote about everything. My sister's private life. About how I cheated.
Jen K : No one will know that it's you.
Rusty : Is Jen K really your name? Do you have an accent? I always thought you might have an accent.
Jen K : No, everything that I told you about me is true.
Rusty : How do I believe that? Why'd you have to tell me?
Jen K : The AP picked up the story. It's going out on the wire with my name on it. My first national byline. Yay. By tomorrow, everyone will know that I wrote the article.
Rusty : You need to go tell Casey. Now.
Jen K : What about us?
Rusty : Will you just go? Please?
Jen K : Rusty, I'm sorry.
Rusty : Me too.
ZBZ HOUSE – Dining – room
Frannie : And this is why I freaking hate legacies.
Casey : But we were nice to you.
Frannie : Despite you being weird and annoying.
Casey : I considered you a friend. And Rusty... Oh, my God.
Frannie : I knew there was a reason I hated you more than I normally hate most people. This article will be published nationally?
Jen K : And I didn't plan for any of that.
Frannie : Are you insane? I have to put a preemptive call into National now. You, get out!
Jen K : Do you think she'll calm down?
Casey : She's the least of your problems. We trusted you. I trusted you! Why would you do this?
Jen K : I'm a journalism major. These are the articles that make you get internships and jobs.
Casey : What about Rusty?
Jen K : It was really hard.
Casey : For Rusty! Considering his first love is a liar who used him and betrayed him.
OMEGA CHI HOUSE – Evan’s room
Evan : You know the dean is going to call her in and try to get her to name names and houses. You think she'll talk?
Casey : I clearly have no idea who Jen K is, let alone what she'll do. I just know he must be devastated.
Evan : The dean?
Casey : Rusty. I've left him a bunch of messages.
Evan : You know what you need? A little bit of perspective. Like the kind you get on top of a ski run in Aspen. You got your ski gear all packed?
Casey : No. I may just show up with a nightie and my toothbrush and stay in bed all week.
Evan : Mmm. Works for me.
SAGA MOTEL
Calvin : Ash?
Ashleigh : Be right out!
Calvin : The room looks great. It's, uh... very seductive.
Ashleigh : What do you think?
Calvin : Oh, wow. My eyeballs were not prepared for your hotness.
Ashleigh : You make me feel beautiful, Calvin.
Calvin : You know, Travis won the girlfriend lottery. Speaking of, when's the guy getting here?
Ashleigh : That would be never. He's not coming.
Calvin : Did he cancel on you again?
Ashleigh : Uh, no, this time I canceled. Our relationship.
Calvin : What happened?
Ashleigh : You happened.
Calvin : Oh... Oh... I'm gay.
Ashleigh : Uh, what do you? What do you mean by "gay"?
Calvin : I been meaning to tell you for weeks.
Ashleigh : Wait a second. You've known for weeks?
Calvin : I've known since elementary school.
Ashleigh : We've been hanging out for months! I shared my secrets.
Calvin : But it's not the same.
Ashleigh : And I just threw myself at you.
Calvin : Well, I was flattered, but...
Ashleigh : You know about my summer at camp! That secret is definitely bi-curious. You couldn't have brought it up then?
Calvin : Look, Ash, let me just tell... Just wait! Let me explain!
ZBZ HOUSE - Hallway
Frannie : And, Rebecca, I hope you understand that I never really doubted you for a second. It was all just so...
Rebecca : Oh, Frannie. I totally understand.
Casey : Can I have a word?
They leave in dining – room.
Frannie : OK, our ZBZ rep is two minutes out. I want to be sure we're on the same page before she arrives. Our official position is that the article is an offensive work of fiction. Remember, we're all shocked and outraged. And if that doesn't work, we go Reagan. Can't remember anything.
Casey : Not sure it's the best way to handle it.
Frannie : Good thing you're not handling it. Nobody is to be alone with the rep except me. Shadow your little sisters. Travel in pairs. If I find any one of you...
Somdebody comes in.
Frannie : Welcome, sister. I'm Frannie Morgan, chapter president. We spoke on the phone.
Tegan : I'm Tegan Walker. And I'm parched. Could I get a water?
Frannie : Of course. Um, first of all I'd like to introduce our entire sisterhood. We are the finest group of women...
Tegan : Well, if that was the case, then I'm not sure what I'd be doing here, right? Sit.
Frannie : We have... we have a senator's daughter. Rebecca, come, come.
Tegan : Girls, we're very unhappy. This whole situation is just so icky and gross and makes you all look awful, which makes us look awful and we hate to look awful. So we need to get to the bottom of this.
Frannie : I'm so sorry you came all this way, Tegan, when the answer is simple. We're guilty. Guilty of not seeing the signs of mental instability. Sure, Jen K seemed a bit off when we first met her, but she was a legacy. Here at CRU we open our arms wide to the daughters of our Zeta Beta ancestors, no matter what shape or size they are. I mean, just... just ask Tanya.
Tegan : I'll speak to the girls individually. It's the quickest way to determine what transpired. Because if we can't get to the truth and find a remedy, well, I have been authorized to pull your charter. Yeah. Oh, no. It must be flat, French, and in a bottle.
CRU – Rusty & Dale’s room
Rusty : What are you doing here?
Casey : You wouldn't return my calls. What was I supposed to do?
Dale : Casey.
Casey : Oh. Hi, Dale. Are those my glasses? I haven't seen those since the Bible Bunch show.
Dale : What? Now, why would I have a piece of Casey Cartwright's librarian costume? Outrageous. Look at the time. I should... I should probably, uh... take my shower.
Casey : Do I need to worry about him?
Rusty : I don't think so.
Casey : What about you? How are you doing? Your first break up is a k*ller. I remember when me and Gary Wallace broke up in ninth grade. I ate an entire sheet cake.
Rusty : I haven't decided if I'm going to break up with Jen.
Casey : Rusty, she betrayed you and your friends and me. How can you even consider staying with her?
Rusty : Because I love her. How is what Jen did any different than what Evan did?
Casey : She didn't just do it to you. She did it to all of us. You have to dump her. She's a liar who...
Rusty : Evan was a cheater, but you looked past it. World isn't black and white, remember? People make mistakes.
Casey : And it sounds like you're about to make a big one.
Rusty : Well, it's mine to make.
Casey : Have fun sitting at home with Mom and Dad.
Rusty : Have fun skiing with Evan!
ZBZ HOUSE – Dining - room
Tegan : Lvy, how much interaction did you have with Jennifer during rush?
Frannie : They barely spoke because Ivy hated Jen K's crazy eyes.
Tegan : Frannie, could you get me another? That would be so awesome, thanks.
Frannie : OK, but don't you dare start that Chinese water t*rture without me! Kidding. Everyone's so serious. That Ivy is a top-notch liar. Makes me wonder if she really made out with Justin Timberlake's cousin.
Casey : Frannie, I think we should come clean. This woman knows something's up. We need to take responsibility and deal with it.
Frannie : OK. My plan is working like a charm, so you can cancel this drama club meeting.
Casey : There are 50 sorority girls in this house. We're not poster people for keeping secrets. You can't control everyone.
Frannie : Remember the Casey who was dependable and willing to follow orders? I liked that Casey. This Casey is weak and kind of lame.
Casey : I'm just saying you're risking everything. I'm the decider.
Frannie : I decided. It's done. If there are leaks, then I will plug them. Perhaps with the body of a sacrificed sister. But who, pray tell? Maybe someone who's in charge of the pledges. Someone who's brother dated the spy whore, someone who was featured in the article. Let's hope it won't come to that.
ZBZ HOUSE – Casey & Ashleigh’s room
Casey : She's delusional. Like Britney Spears in a barbershop. She can't see what's totally obvious.
Ashleigh : Like when a guy smells good and loves Beyoncé.
Casey : OK, you're hugging your pillow and not wearing earrings.
Ashleigh : I broke up with Travis.
Casey : Oh, my God, that's fantastic... ally sad. Are you OK?
Ashleigh : It needed to happen. But that's not why I'm upset.
Casey : Is it because you wasted so many years with him?
Ashleigh : No, but I'll add that to the list, which also includes recently throwing myself at a gay guy.
Casey : Oh, Ash, that's... so... weird.
Ashleigh : I didn't know he was gay. And we spent all that time together and he never told me.
Casey : Wow, Calvin's gay.
Ashleigh : How'd you guess?
Casey : Oh, he is your only friend of the male persuasion.
Ashleigh : Ex-friend.
Casey : Ash, you...
Ashleigh : I made a fool of myself.
Casey : OK, hold on to your pillow. I'm going to say something shocking. Maybe this isn't about you.
Ashleigh : He lied to me. He led me on.
Casey : This is the Greek system. We're not always a beacon of tolerance. Calvin's probably terrified of how people will react. I bet his biggest fear is that his best friends will turn their backs on him.
Ashleigh : You need your own talk show.
Casey : Yeah, if only I could solve this National problem so easily. Frannie is dangerously close to getting this sorority shut down.
Ashleigh : Well, what would you do if you were president?
Casey : You know, I thought about that. But it's kind of risky.
Ashleigh : Ooh, like deadly?
Casey : Like I could get kicked out for it.
Ashleigh : I'm in.
Casey : Ash.
Ashleigh : Look, we're in this together. If you go, I go. And we can rent an apartment together off campus and talk trash about sorority girls.
Casey : OK, here's what I'm thinking. If we get Tegan on her own...
CRU - Street
Calvin : We should give admissions tours.
Rusty : Welcome to college! The food sucks. The dorm rooms suck. The relationships suck.
Calvin : The non-relationships suck. You know, I expected Ash to be more open-minded. You know, especially given her fashion sense.
Rusty : She might have been had you told her sooner.
Calvin : Yeah. Well, I guess I need to rethink my coming-out strategy. I just wanted people to get to know the real me before I told them I was gay. You know, Ash did, and now she thinks the real me was a lie. It's counter-productive.
Rusty : But you weren't exactly lying. You just hadn't shared the truth with her yet. I bet that's how Jen K feels.
Calvin : How do you feel? I mean, now that you know the truth, do you think you can trust her?
SHOW
Show man : I'm seduced by your magnificence Tortured by your indifference My heart is a political prisoner
Ashleigh : Hey.
Show man : Enslaved in my chest, The m*ssile looms, It overlooks and fights the enemy, It impales
Casey : Were you followed?
Tegan : You're kidding me, right? Why am I here?
Casey : We needed a Greek-free zone. Listen, we don't have much time. I need to tell you that everything in that article was true.
Spectator : Shh!
Casey : Sorry. I'm just so moved.
Show man : Guantanamo
Casey : These girls are my sisters, my family. We built the best sorority on campus, the crown jewel of the CRU Greek system. I know. It looks bad.
Tegan : Bad? Your ensemble looks bad. This is a disaster.
Casey : But shutting us down would be devastating to me, to my sisters, and also to Nationals.
Tegan : Then why have I spent the day being lied to?
Casey : There is... leadership at the house who prefer manipulation over the truth. I just want to save our sorority and I have an exit strategy. We'll make a sincere public apology.
Tegan : And?
Casey : And next semester we'll double our philanthropy hours to set a better example.
Tegan : We need more of a sacrifice.
Casey : Maybe we'll cut our social calendar? In half?
Tegan : Better. But this a national scandal. We have to show our other chapters and our alumni that we have zero tolerance for these activities.
Casey : Well, she was my pledge. So for the house, I'm prepared to take the fall.
ZBZ HOUSE – Dining - room
Tegan : And it is on those terms that we are willing to give this house a second chance. After all, at Zeta Beta Zeta we believe in forgiveness and redemption.
Frannie : OK, well, we'll make that work, won't we, girls? Oh, God, I'm so glad...
Tegan : I'm not finished. We cannot afford to let this happen again. That article exposed a serious lack of judgment. Someone must be held accountable. Therefore, I have decided that this chapter needs a regime change. Frannie, I'm removing you as president, effective immediately.
Frannie : You... You can't be serious.
Tegan : Oh, when it comes to Zeta Beta Zeta, I'm totally serious.
Frannie : Everything this sorority has achieved is because of me! I've made us the envy of every girl on campus. Right, girls? Tell her! Rebecca, tell her how crucial I am.
Rebecca : Sweetie, your devotion to the sisterhood has been a bit... suspect.
Tegan : I've selected an interim president. Someone with the integrity to lead this house through this difficult period until spring elections. Casey Cartwright.
Casey : Me? Wait. Frannie, wait!
Tegan : Ladies.
Casey : Frannie, wait! Wait! I was just trying to save Zeta Beta. I thought she was gonna kick me out. I asked her to.
Frannie : Here's my last tidbit of wisdom for you, mentee. I created you. Therefore, I can destroy you.
CRU – Rusty & Dale’s room
Jen K : Everyone hates me. My agoraphobic roommate left our room for the first time just to avoid me.
Rusty : You should come in.
Jen K : I just had to talk to someone, even if all they said was, "Go away. " Everyone else is acting like I'm on an airplane with TB.
Rusty : What about your newspaper friends?
Jen K : They're all jealous because I got a national byline. I really thought I was doing the right thing.
Rusty : Doing the right thing is usually the hardest thing to do.
Jen K : I really love you, Rusty.
Rusty : And I loved you too.
Jen K : "Loved"?
Dale : Oh, sorry.
Jen K : Give us a minute, Dale.
Rusty : No. Dale, you can stay. Jen's leaving. Over there.
Dale : Oh, right.
Jen K : think you should give this a little more consideration.
Rusty : Consideration?
Jen K : I wrote a lot of good...
Rusty : You are the last person to talk about consideration. I really want to believe if you'd given us any consideration, you never would've written the article.
Jen K : Rusty, I...
Rusty : No! No. Goodbye.
Dale : You probably don't want to hear this.
Rusty : No, Dale, I don't. I don't want to hear "I told you so. " What is that?
Dale : It's an inspirational poem. It's about this guy walking along the beach, he sees footprints in the sand.
Rusty : Dale...
Dale : See, the beach represents his life and...
Rusty : I don't want to hurt you, Dale.
Dale : See, really, the times he only thought there were one set of footprints...
OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Hallway
Ashleigh : Oh, excuse me. Is Calvin Owens here?
Man : Let me check. Hey, Owens! Your girlfriend's here!
Ashleigh : I just wanted to give this to him.
Man : His girlfriend brought him a present!
Ashleigh : OK. OK, seriously, mature yourself for a moment. He's not my boyfriend. We're just friends.
Man : Hey, I see. 'Cause Calvin is gay.
Ashleigh : Oh, my God! You guys know too?
Silence.
Ashleigh : Um...Or... not. Just... tell him I stopped by.
CRU - Street
Cappie : Get in.
Rusty : Cap, I can't. I moved my flight up. There's a cab coming. I'm done.
Cappie : I'll take you to the airport. Put this on. It's a blindfold.
Rusty : What about the airport?
Cappie : Get in.
Rusty : We should probably...
Cappie : Get in, pledge!
DOBLERS
Rusty : Please tell me you didn't take me to Dobler's.
Cappie : But I'd be lying.
Rusty : Everyone knows my girlfriend wrote the article. They probably hate me.
Cappie : There is only one group of Greeks that matter, am I right, pledge? Who is that group of Greeks?
Rusty : The Kappa Taus.
Cappie : Do the Kappa Taus care what other people think about them?
Rusty : No.
Cappie : And are you a Kappa Tau?
Rusty : Yes.
Cappie : So, what's the problem?
Rusty : Fine, I'll stay for a little bit, but then we go directly to the airport.
Cappie : Whatever you say, Spitter.
Rusty : OK?
Beaver : First round's on me.
Ashleigh : Hey, Jeanette! Love your top.
Girl : Thank you! I hate your sorority and everything you stand for.
Rebecca : Do you know who I am?
Girl : Yes.
Rebecca : Well, I have no idea who you are. Leave.
Ashleigh : Thanks.
Rebecca : Nobody talks like that to one of my sisters.
Ashleigh : Oh, hold on. Hello?
Cappie : Milady.
Ashleigh : Casey's on her way. She's waiting for Evan.
Rebecca : All hail the queen.
Ashleigh : Looks like you don't have to be Frannie's number two.
Rebecca : Please, I'm nobody's number two.
Ashleigh : Oh, sorry.
Calvin : Ash, I'm so sorry.
Ashleigh : Calvin, I'm so sorry. Wait. Why are you sorry?
Calvin : Look, it wasn't that I didn't want to tell you. I just...
Ashleigh : It's OK. You don't have to explain. I'm sorry I handled it the way...
Calvin : No, don't be. Look, I am the one who was wrong here, OK? I should've just trusted you. I just...
Ashleigh : I take it you haven't been by the house?
Calvin : No. Why?
Ashleigh : I... might have possibly...told them you're gay.
Calvin : You what?
Ashleigh : Accidentally! I didn't get to that part yet.
Calvin : Wait, so after you thought I spurned you, you accidentally outed me to my entire house?
Ashleigh : OK, first of all, no one says "spurned. " And second, I'm sure if you just go...
Calvin : I can't believe you did that. You know what? All those "I'm sorries," I take them all back.
OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Evan’s room
Evan : Is that my little ski bunny?
Frannie : Got a carrot for me?
Evan : Frannie? What's up?
Frannie : Evan. Evan, Evan, Evan. Where should I begin? Cute pic.
Evan : Uh... Where's Casey?
Frannie : I love Casey's eyes. They're so big and innocent. Like Bambi's. Do you think you could look into them and tell when she's lying?
Evan : Frannie, seriously what are you doing here?
Frannie : Didn't you think it was a little weird that Casey stayed with you after the whole Rebecca Logan sexident?
Evan : Not that it's any of your business, but we worked through that. It made us stronger.
Frannie : You are adorably naive. Listen, Casey has had this whole thing scripted since day one. She stayed with you not because you're Evan, but because you're Evan Chambers. Having you on her arm makes her the "it" girl on campus. It makes her powerful. It assures her the Zeta Beta presidency.
Evan : How could you even think that?
Frannie : Because I'm the one who told her to do it. To her credit, she wanted to dump you. But I reminded her that doing so would have serious implications on her social standing. I dangled the carrot of Zeta Beta presidency and your little ski bunny ate it right up.
Evan : All right, you can leave now.
Frannie :Just one more thing, Evan, because I'm sensing you're not 100 percent convinced. Deep down, in the chambers of your heart, do you truly believe Casey is over Cappie? 'Cause I think she's still under him. Have a great break!
ZBZ HOUSE - Casey & Ashleigh’s room
Casey : I was just coming downstairs to meet you. Nationals appointed me president of Zeta Beta.
Evan : So they removed Frannie?
Casey : Yeah.
Evan : What did you, like, plan that?
Casey : Frannie was trying to stonewall them. We were gonna get shut down, so I took matters into my own hands to save the house. I never thought it would go this far.
Evan : No, right. Of course you didn't.
Casey : I know. I feel super bad for her. But I also feel like this is my chance to show everyone what I have to offer. Do you think it's wrong that I'm excited about it?
Evan : I mean, it's hard to tell what's right and what's wrong anymore.
Casey : Uh, what do you mean?
Evan : After I cheated on you, why'd you get back with me?
Casey : Because... I love you. Why are we talking about this?
Evan : So it wasn't so you'd become sorority president, right? 'Cause that's...
Casey : Did Frannie come to you?
Evan : So it is true.
Casey : No, look. Frannie told me staying with you was in my best interest. But I didn't want to break up. I was just hurt.
Evan : Really? What, and Cappie helped with that? It must have been nice to have a "get in his pants free" card?
Casey : Why are we talking about this now? We're past it.
Evan : So nothing's happened between the two of you since you got even with me? Tell the truth.
Casey : When we were working on our paper together, we kissed. But it didn't go any further. Wait. Evan, don't go! I'm wearing your letters. I'm planning forever with you. I love you.
Evan : No! No, you love you! You love what I can do for you! You know, you're a ZBZ president now. You don't need me anymore.
OMEGA CHI HOUSE - Hallway
Calvin : Hey, guys. So I guess you heard I'm gay. Don't worry, it's not contagious. Does anyone want to talk about it?
KT HOUSE - Living - room
Rusty : Let me tell you something, Beaver. Women. Women are like ions in a dense plasma. Bustling along, snatching up unsuspecting electrons to make themselves complete. But your brothers? We're electrons in a tenuous plasma. Whoa. Never tempting each other to recombine, just happily coexisting. I love you, electron. I think I'm drunk. Where's my big electron? I've got to find him. Find him. I've got to find him. Electron. Electron. Electron. Cappie? Cappie, I just… I really wanted to say that I really... Oh, God.
Cappie : Spitter?
Rusty : Shh. You're dreaming. Go to sleep.
EXT. ZBZ HOUSE
Casey : What's this?
Ashleigh : It's a breakup first-aid kit.
Casey : Oh, Jagged Little Pill.
Ashleigh : If I can't be there, Alanis can.
Casey : Ash.
Ashleigh : We'll figure it out.
CRU - Bus Stop
Cappie : So... we took a little detour last night, huh? How you feeling?
Rusty : My eyeballs hurt. I think something's growing on my tongue. And I'm missing one sock.
Cappie : Still need a ride to the airport?
Rusty : I'm just gonna take the bus.
Cappie : See if I can get a flight on standby.
Rusty : A funny thing happened last night and I just didn't want...
Casey : What are you doing here?
Rusty : I missed my flight. You?
Casey : Long story. Do you want a ride home? Ten hours, I'll tell you everything.
Rusty : OK.
Cappie : Listen, take care, Spitter. Remember, next semester, a whole new game. And about last night. Look, I...
Rusty : Next semester.
Cappie : Take care, buddy.
Casey : You ready to get out of here?
Rusty : Let's go home.
Casey : Don't touch that.