05x11 - Be the Hyman

Episode transcripts for the TV show "The Magicians". Aired: December 2015 to April 2020.*
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"The Magicians" follows a young man who enrolls to be trained as a magician, where he discovers that the magical world from his favorite childhood books is real and poses a danger to humanity. Based on the novel of the same name.
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05x11 - Be the Hyman

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on "The Magicians"...

The Couple has power.
And they are not good people.

Give me the page.

If the finger's still viable, I reattach.

I'm Hyman Cooper.

I was a student here in the s... a traveler.

Someone moved my body.

I stole this.

Stasis charm... freezes the wearer in time.

Holy sh*t. Umber?

You make for an excellent focus group for my new world.

More of a pocket world, really.

I will get out of here.

And then I'll turn you into lobsters and eat you.

Hey, what happened to your eye?

I lent it to Josh.

Your own personal Margo-Pro.

Josh didn't die.

- He was in the Taker Realm and...
- That's not possible.

Somebody opened a door that should not have been opened.

It could mean the end of everything.

I think I can't do what I need to do if I'm worried about how it's gonna affect you.

I think we need to be done.

My pregnancy is going to be sped up?

It's Red Monkey Month.

Everything goes faster in Red Monkey Month.

Wait, so you're saying that's a thing... me being able to take on what the baby can do?

Maybe.

Well, maybe this baby's a traveler.

Yeah, uh... we should probably talk.

It seems like I missed a lot here.

It's actually super simple.

The Dark King, aka Rupert Chatwin, is trying to jailbreak his dead lover out of hell or whatever, so he needs to get rid of the guard dogs first.

Hence, using you as a human smallpox blanket to k*ll the Takers.

Yeah, I-I meant more like, uh...

[GROANS]

Contraception wards are supposed to be foolproof.

Don't worry. My uterus is on lock.

Right, 'cause a werewolf baby could be...

[CHUCKLES] Yikes.

But potentially very cute.

f*cking adorable.

Some day. Not now.

I'm not giving birth to a g*dd*mn litter, Josh.

Besides...

I thought we were done.

You risked your sanity to save me from the Taker Realm.

If that doesn't buy us a clean slate, then...

So can we skip to the reunion banging?

[CHUCKLES]

- You're wearing three rubbers.
- At least.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Have you been to a doctor?

I mean, they don't exactly have ultrasounds in Fillory.

Have you thought about what this means for us?

What do you want it to mean?

We broke up for good reasons.

None of that has changed.

My dad wasn't around for long.

My mom...

Look, I'm not doing that to our kid.

I want to be there for him... her?

No clue yet.

I want you to be there, too.

You guys.

Um, I'm sorry, but, um, there's a problem.

We were in the elevator, and Eliot and Fen just collapsed.

[SIGHS]

Hello?

[EERIE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hello?

Anyone?

[SIGHS]

Eliot?

Oh, it's you.

What kind of Fillorian nonsense is this?

- Or am I dreaming?
- I know I'm not.

- In my dreams, you're nice to me.
- [CLICKS TONGUE]

What the sh*t is going on?
[CLEARS THROAT]

Whoa, oh. Look away, look away.

Still draping here.

We were just settling on safe words when we woke up here.

- Any idea why?
- Mm.

♪ Yoo-hoo ♪

♪ ♪

Welcome, High Kings.

Ember. I thought you were dead.

Oh, I am an energetic emanation,

my dear blinking idiot.

A message left by the great god Ember to forewarn of impending apocalypse.

- I've met this guy before.
- Mm-hmm.

I have brought you here because you are the living Former High Kings of Fillory, and your kingdom rests on the Kn*fe's edge of annihilation.

[GIGGLES]

Huh.

[EERIE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[SIGHS]

You do realize I have other things to do?

Whatever.

I just had to pull Josh's pants back on,

- so diagnose.
- They're asleep.

I mean, obviously, they're cursed or whatever. But beyond that, just wait and see if they wake up.

Should we just slap them?

Believe me, I tried.

I'm gonna go see what we have on narcolepsy spells.

You were not pregnant the last time I saw you, like, at all.

Oh, yeah. Well, things happened fast.

Everything looks fine for now, but I should do more scans.

It looks like you have fast-forwarded through the first two trimesters.

You're ready to pop.
Accelerated pregnancies can be dangerous.

And, uh, it's a hybrid.

Have you had any side effects?
Psychic episodes?

Uh, yes, that I kind of caused myself.

Yeah, she had to to get out of, well, a dungeon.

But none since.

Um, actually, that's not entirely true.

- Wait, what?
- A couple of aftershocks, but it's really no big deal.

I've already put up every mental ward I know.

Okay.

There are treatments, but they have to be applied regularly.

And the only place that it's safe to cast right now is...

The Brakebills Lab... because the Moon is still pissed at us.

Uh, look, I'll be there the minute I can.

We're just dealing with some stuff.

Clearly. Don't wait too long.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

As you ought to remember,

I am activated by world w*r, pandemic, revolt of dwarves...

Or the mass rising of the dead.

Yeah, we know. We're already on it.

Huzzah! And I have summoned all of you because the current ruler is the nitwit causing the problem.

The thing is he's sort of unkillable.

I rescind my huzzah.

In addition to being just very creepy, the dead drain life, contaminating everything they touch, like a pickle on a sandwich.

- I like pickles.
- Behold!

A dead person wriggling from their grave.

[GROWLING GOOFILY]

And this is every Fillorian who has ever lived.

[ALL GROAN]

You see?

The pickles of the dead will ruin Fillory.

You must stop this, whatever the cost.

Well, the cost is blowing up the entire planet,

- which is...
- A decent option?

I was gonna say counterproductive.

Only if you care about peasants, which I do not.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

- Do you want to get that, or...
- Oh, no.

That's just...

A mouse farted or something.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

A very gassy mouse.

Umber.

It is I, an energetic emanation of Umber, great god of...

Piss off. Nobody wants you here.

I have heard your lamentations and am here to help.

I was designed to intervene if my anarchist brother tries something stupid, like blowing up the planet.

[HISSES]

Do you have a better suggestion?

I do, sweet matron of Fillory.

After I faked my own death,

I fled to Earth and built new worlds.

- Didn't finish any.
- Did too.

Mostly.

I intended to rescue my people from this chaotic place, so I also built an ark.

- Like a big-ass boat?
- A pocket world.

A temporary vessel that pulls every living Fillorian off the planet so that I might deliver them to a new, more perfect world.

So you're saying we can use the ark, rescue the people, blow up Fillory, and stop the Dark King?

If anyone is gonna destroy this putrid stank-hole, it will be me.

Oh!

[SLAPS LANDING]

Oh, my gods!

Guys...

Then they just slapped each other over and over for hours.

I think they forgot we were there.

Okay, I'm just having a hard time with the part where we save Fillory by destroying it.

Yeah. It seems extreme.

And what happens to magic?

I mean, the Wellspring is on Fillory.

Well, we don't know.

But our only other choice is to let the dead spill into our world.

Every world.

The pocket world is temporary.

So where do we put all the Fillorians... Earth?

Have you seen how we treat our own refugees?

What about the World Seed?

From Q's page.

If we could find it, we could use it to build a new world... a new Fillory.

That's insane... in a good way.

And a bad way.

I think The Couple have the seed.

And the page they stole is just an instruction manual.

It's useless on its own.

And they went to some pretty extreme lengths to get it.

Upside is we have time.

And the Moon will keep them from casting on it.

And it's in a dead language I couldn't decipher.

I took pictures, but...

Okay, well, if you work on finding the seed, I can work on the language.

Sticking us with grabbing the ark thingy from Umber's.

Oh, Quentin and I went once. It's in Vancouver.

- Is your traveling still jacked?
- Yeah.

But there is someone who could help.

[GRUNTS]

Okay, buddy.

If you can hear me...

Be the Hyman.

[GASPS, WHEEZING]

♪ ♪

[SIGHS]

I'm a-alive?

Yeah.

♪ ♪

[GASPING]

Thank you. Thank you.

[CRIES]

[INHALES DEEPLY]

[OFF-KEY PIANO PLAYING WILDLY]

♪ ♪

[GASPS AND LAUGHS]

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[SCREAMS AND LAUGHS]

Whore!

Oh.

[SNIFFS] Ugh.

Just kidding.

[GASPS]

[SQUEALS]

Oh, my God. Ah, this is incredible.

I love fingering things.

Right, okay.

How about a few

"being alive in the st-century" ground rules?

- Mm.
- First of all, you can't act like a f*cking pervert anymore.

Even white dudes can't get away with that sh*t.

Most of the time.

People can see you and hear you and...

And smell you. Sorry, pregnancy nose.

- No.
- Ow.

Ground rules, Hyman.

Okay, boys, let's get back on mission, shall we?

Uh, we need you to travel some people to Umber's house.

You think you can do it?

You guys need me? Whoa.

My traveling's a little rusty, but I'll do whatever you guys need.

Yeah, about that...

- [NEEDLE BUZZING]
- [SCREAMING]

You wouldn't know it from how stoic I was, but it was the worst pain anyone has ever felt.

Wow, that's neat. Here's the address to Umber's.

- Are you sure you can do this?
- [SCOFFS]

- Buddy, I know my onions.
- That means yes?

That must mean yes.

- Oh, hey.
- Hi.

Remind me. You are...

- Fen.
- Fen.

Eliot's wife.

- Fillory girl.
- Oh, of course, Fillory girl.

You're the... you're the one who loves forks.

- What's got you grummy?
- I'm fine.

As a seasoned viewer of people,

I think you're upset 'cause their plan is zany, and you know if you speak up, they won't listen.

[LAUGHS] What? No.

Their... their plan is great. And they do listen to me.

Didn't Eliot say you were a hayseed from a backwards prolapsed assh*le of a planet?

[STAMMERS] Or were you not there?

- Okay, outsider to outsider...
- Yeah?

Doesn't this feel like the part in the story where the good guys are just wrong?

Hearts in the right place, but they haven't learned the lesson of this little morality play they're in yet.

So they have this crazy plan that makes them almost as bad as the villain.

- Oh.
- Or maybe it's just me.

♪ ♪

[GASPS]

[GASPS] I did it.

[LAUGHS]

I really did it.

We'll ring you when we're ready to travel back.

I'm not coming with you inside?

We're all full up on perverts here.

Oh. [SIGHS]

Oh, that's... that's... that's fine.

I've got other stuff to do. I'm... I'm...

Maybe I'll go Google myself.

You know what? Knock... knock yourself out.

That's...

- Bye.
- Bye.

- [SIGHS]
- [DOOR OPENS]

I'm sorry.

The master of the house isn't available right now.

Please return another time.

Wait, why does he look like Umber, but boring?

That's his human form, for blending in with Canadians.

Must be another emanation.

He's a ghost butler.

♪ Who you gonna call? ♪

[CHUCKLES] That guy.

We spoke to the horny version of you in Fillory.

He sent us here to get a thing.

Can we?

In the beginning, there was nothing until a tigress, blind in one eye, came to a lonely shore.

The tigress looked upon this raw world, and...

And... what?

I'm sorry.

The master of the house isn't available.

I think ghost butler is broken.

Or it's a test.

Solve the puzzle, get in the door.

How could it be a test?

He's just spouting random nonsense.

Oh, it's not random.
It's Fillorian scripture.

The birth of Ember and Umber.

You guys haven't heard this story?

What happens next?

Well, the tigress... she waded into the ocean and drowned herself.

And as her body disappeared beneath the waves, two shells washed ashore.

And from those shells came Ember and then his shadow, Umber.

Welcome.

- Hmm.
- Hmm.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- [HIGH-PITCHED RINGING]
- [WINCES] Ow.

God, shut up.

Julia.

I'm fine. I'm just...

It's a little bit of aftershock, that's all.

Hyman.

Penny, did you know they sell pre-sliced bread now?

That's the greatest invention since... I don't even know what.

Your parents... were they magicians?

No. Uh, Dad was a door-to-door snake salesman.

Snake oil?

No.

And my mom worked at a brothel.

You know, just mopping.

Okay, did she, um...

Did she suffer from any mental problems?

Psychic stuff from being pregnant with you?

Oh, no. Nothing like that.

After the lobotomy, she mostly just sat on the porch and sucked at bits of hay.

Other than that, she was the perfect mother.

Okay, come on. I-I need your help with something.

Put the sandwich down!

You want to find The Couple?

They're a myth like the Boogeyman or Santa Claus.

Ah, Santa is very real, and so are The Couple.

We met one of them.

The only other person that I know who believes they're real is Marina.

Well, the last time we saw her, we screwed her over, moved the Moon, stopped the Harmonic Convergence, which she was gonna use for some heist-of-the-century type of deal.

Oh, I didn't say that she'll help you.

I just said she's the only one who can.

- [SIGHS]
- [CRUNCHING]

Pretty by-the-numbers defensive wards.

Marina's not a by-the-numbers kind of girl.

You guys.

- Come here.
- Uh, uh...

Kady, I just wanted to tell you that I am so sorry for all of the times that I've hurt you.

Come inside for cookies?

♪ ♪

What the f*ck was that?

I'm still learning how to bake, so no judging.

Well, go ahead. They're not poisoned.

But they might be.

Marina, why are you...

- Nice?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, this might surprise you...

[CHUCKLES] but I made some bad choices in the past.

And I needed to fix that, so I went to a trance healer.

Um... she put a block on all the parts of my personality that made aggressive, but ultimately self-destructive, choices.

This feels like a scam.

That's a weird scam.

I'm not asking you for anything.

And you came to me. Seems like you need something?

We're looking for The Couple.

Well, this has been great, but I actually have to get ready for church.

But you know who they are.

I know that going after them is the very definition of an "Old Marina" decision.

Look, I want to help you. I do, really.

If it was anything else...

But they have something we need to stop the end of everything.

The World Seed.

The most valuable object in the multiverse, people say... which is why I wanted to steal it... until you stopped the Harmonic Convergence.

Wait, that was your heist of the century?

Wait. So you could help us steal it.

No. No, no, no.

I-I don't do things like that anymore.

Stealing from The Couple... people will get hurt.

Way more people will get hurt if you don't help us.

Alice, friends don't make friends grapple with the Trolley Problem.

They cut off my fingers.
There's no gray area here.

♪ ♪

They're hiding the seed inside a hotel called The Nave.

I've been there.

They only let in Magicians.
Everything about it is secret.

It has a vault.

It's the most secure place on the planet.

But you had a plan to break in.

I had partners.

We spent months constructing a map of every inch of that hotel and its defenses.

We called it our heist book.

Problem is, things got really crazy, and I don't actually know where the book ended up.

[SIGHS]

♪ ♪

But I know someone who might.

Hey, buddy. Been a minute.

Need some ice chips

- or something?
- Oh, Christ, no. Go away.

- Is that Gavin from the Library?
- He doesn't...

I don't work for the sodding library anymore.

- Yeah.
- What happened to you?

She didn't tell you?

Marina hired me and a few other poor bastards to rob The Couple.

She didn't tell us that the plan was suicidal without the Harmonic Convergence.

Marina sent us in anyway.

One guy was k*lled, horribly, I might add.

I was lucky. [CHUCKLES]

But now I'm stuck here, a bag of shattered bones, can't travel, with f*cking Daryl over there talking my f*cking ear off all day and night.

[WHISPERING] And so help me God, if you wake him up,

I will k*ll all of your mothers.

Marina b*at you to that one.

Then why are you working with her?

Marina, maybe you should step outside.

Mm.

We're not fans of Marina or The Couple, but we need the World Seed.

So, if you could just give us the heist book, we can...

I would sooner sh*t my cast.

Well, it looks like that's gonna happen either way, so why not help us?

Because that would mean helping Marina.

And if you think I'm gonna do that, then you have few 'roos loose in the top paddock, love.

So either find a way to scratch my ass or get the hell out.

That's why you did the spell to make yourself good.

Because you sent them on a su1c1de mission.

I thought maybe they'd get lucky.

- Well, they really didn't.
- We need that heist book.

How did you convince Gavin to help you in the first place?

I had leverage.

Well, then use it now.

That would be deeply unethical.

[SIGHS]

I think I'm gonna go get him a smoothie.

- What?
- Ugh.

If he won't help us, we're stuck.

We can't be stuck.

We need the book. We need Marina.

Or...

we need to be Marina.

[DOOR OPENS]

Oh, God.

Look, we understand.
You don't want to help us.

We can't make you, but we can take down your wards.

You're a traveler.

Without mental wards, you'll hear people's thoughts, all day, all night, even while they're sleeping.

If you do that while the Moon is borked, my head will be, too.

I recently had several fingers amputated and reattached.

I'd be more concerned about that if I were you.

[CHUCKLES]

I underestimated you, Book Tart.

You're worse than Marina.

No.

Just desperate.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Bugger you all to hell. Stop.

The heist book.

I can't give it to you because I don't have it.

- Who does?
- Anna.

She took it after things went pear-shaped.

Who is Anna?

- [DOOR OPENS]
- Ask her.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Well, now we have a real problem.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Is that Chinese and ice cream?

You could smell that?

I have a new superpower.
So what'd you get?

Uh, well, I-I...

[CHUCKLES] Didn't know what you were craving, so everything. Also...

The Circumstances Control Panel?

Did you steal that from the Lab?

Hyman helped.

We figured if The Couple is gonna use the World Seed, they need clean magic.

So, without this, they are stuck.

Hence, hiding it here.

If it were going to be here anyway,

I figured Lipson could come by, do the treatments, run some scans... two birds.

Right, but Lipson said the baby was fine.

She said she needed to do more tests.

She said it might be dangerous.

And you said you'd have my back, and instead, you're trapping me here?

She has to reapply the treatments every couple hours.

I'm just looking out for you and the baby.

I mean, somebody has to.

Oh, sh*t. [LAUGHS]

Sorry, I'll be quiet. Go on.

You can't eavesdrop on people's sh*t like that.

But...

Yeah, Hyman, you have a body now.

You really need to understand boundaries.

- So do you.
- Julia, wait.

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

Ooh. Uh-oh.

I stumbled upon this place last time when I was looking for the bathroom.

This is where he keeps all of his...

pocket worlds.

What the f*ck?

I swear, this place was full of them last time.

Well, where the sh*t did they go?

Oh, "The Chankly Bore." Oh...

I grew up playing Queen of the Hump on hills just like this.

If it isn't the ark, I don't give a sh*t.

Okay... [CLAPS HANDS]

Ghost butler?

I don't think it works like that.

You can't just summon him.
He's not our butler.

Oh! Hi.

Greetings. How may I assist you?

We're looking for a pocket world.

The master of the house is not available.

ALL: We know.

And so all pocket worlds have been removed for security purposes.

It's okay. Umber sent us to get it.

He... he told us it'd be here.

Which world did he send you to retrieve?

It's called The Ark.

Very well.

If Umber sent you on this task, you should be able to identify the true ark.

- But if you choose poorly...
- Ooh!

Uh, we age really fast, and then we all turn to dust

- just like in "the Last Crusade."
- Indeed.

This security precaution is inspired by my master's love for "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade."

For copyright purposes, the consequences of an incorrect choice has been changed to something more expl*sive.

- Choose...
- Wisely. Yeah, we get it.

All right, Fen.

You're the Fillory expert. Have at it.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Any day now.

♪ ♪

You know what?

Figure it out yourself.

♪ ♪


You need to let me do the talking.

This is sensitive.

How did you f*ck over Anna, huh?

She lose a limb or something?

Well, I definitely f*cked her.

- Wait, she's your...
- Anna.

[SIGHS]

- Marina.
- [CHUCKLES]

- I want nothing to do with you.
- Anna, please.

It's an emergency.

[SIGHS]

It wasn't just one lie.

It was how one led to another and another.

And now I don't know if any of it was real.

Did you know that she was from a different timeline?

'Cause I didn't.

And then you tried to rob The Couple.

Our friend d*ed because of you.

I know. I was a terrible person.

I was a greedy, self-centered sociopath.

And when you left me, I deserved it.

But I'm making amends now.

I've done a bunch of things on your list.

I got the trance healing done.

But yet, here you are, asking for the heist book.

Oh, wait, no, that's just for us.

Or maybe this is just another lie, and you aren't better, y-you aren't different at all.

Look, trust me. She is very different.

- I mean, she baked us cookies.
- Yeah.

Really terrible cookies.

I don't trust you, okay?
You showed up with her.

Just give us the book, and we'll go.

We'll never pull her into our life of crime ever again.

Marina doesn't have to be involved anymore.

But I do.

I'm sorry. I literally can't lie.

This isn't simple like robbing a bank.

You can't do it without me.

And plus, I promised I would help you.

At least you're honest.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

I'm gonna take the spell off Marina.

- What?
- The Healer would have used a synaptic blocker... easy to remove, even under weird circumstances.

You want to bring back the bad Marina?

To get the book, we need her to tell Anna that she's not gonna help with the heist.

We need her to lie.

You're the one who said that we should be like Marina.

This time we need the real Marina.

[CLEARS THROAT] Yeah, I think she needs a minute.

♪ ♪

- What are you doing?
- Word-as-bond spell.

It's a magically binding contract that guarantees that you will get the book for us and, when you help us with the heist, you won't f*ck us over.

Well, you don't need that.

I mean, with the spell I'm under,

I couldn't betray you even if I wanted to.

Better safe than sorry.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CREAKS CLOSED]

Julia? Are you here?

What are you doing?

Just stretching.

You're trying to put yourself into stasis.

- What the hell, man?
- To be honest,

I haven't really enjoyed this episode of my life.

What is so great about having a body anyway?

Y-you're hungry all the time.

Everything you do makes you sore.

You're pooping constantly.

That hasn't been my experience, but your body's been in a bench for a century, man. Give it a minute.

And when dramatic things are happening to your friends, you can't even watch.

This is about me and Julia?

You're pissed because you can't listen in on everyone's personal conversations?

- It's none of your business.
- But it is.

I put you two together.

I-I shipped you before you even shipped yourselves.

Before, I was a part of everything.

And now I am a, uh, minor character in my own story.

God.

[SIGHS]

♪ ♪

Well, that's... that's the trade-off.

You don't get to spy on people's intimate moments.

You get to live your own.

And that's supposed to be better?

If people wanted to talk to me, you think I would have done this in the first place?

So spying on the showers was...

Loneliness.

And horniness.

You're never gonna make a connection by hiding, Hyman.

You got to put yourself out there.

Just be honest with people.

It may take a minute, but you'll find someone who can stand you.

Ah, are you doing that thing where you're giving me advice but it's just for you?

No, I'm trying to...

♪ ♪

[SOFTLY] Oh, God damn it.

I got to find Julia.

While I'm gone, promise me you're not gonna stasis yourself.

[SIGHS] Well...

Give me the locket.

♪ ♪

Talk to somebody. Have a conversation.

♪ ♪

[DOOR OPENS]

[OBJECT CLATTERS]

[STRUGGLING]

Hello? Is someone there?

- [TRASH CAN CLATTERING]
- [SQUEALING]

Ah, Miss Wicker.

I have been looking for you.

[BREATHING HEAVILY]

Yes, it's come to this.

[SIGHS]

Sir Effingham, what are you doing with that trash can?

Some hapless fellow left a sandwich of roast beef in there, and as I could not get to market today...

Oh! Oh, my heavens.

You have embraced the blessing of your sex.

But surely you have misplaced your wedding band?

You are widowed, then?

- No.
- Oh, you poor dear.

You are carrying a bastard.

Definitely talking to one.

Look, I thought you chose Todd for this quest.

I fear he is not the intrepid hero I once thought him to be.

You don't say.

Which is why, in my gravest hour of need, I have come to vouchsafe you a quest.

Look, if this has to do with Fillory...

For my vision of Fillory's demise has grown clearer.

I now see those who would bring the apocalypse to Fillory have visited many times before.

They enter from a distant realm through a tree.

- Like a portal tree?
- Indeed.

These fiends plan to thieve away every soul in the land before they destroy it outright.

Huh.

How exactly do they do that?

My vision is hazy, but I do know that they will turn back the clock on Fillory,

resulting in ruin.

Um... do these fiends... do they... do they succeed in stealing the people and building a new world for them?

That much I do not know because... [SNORTS]

Wait.

I made no mention of a new world.

It is you.

It's for Fillory's own good.

The dead will rise.

This is the only way that we can save everyone.

Oh, hogwash!

What dark forces have corrupted your fair mind?

You have. We wouldn't be on this quest if you hadn't told me about it in the first place.

Are you now blaming me for your own villainy?

Oh, the ways of the sow are nastier than I thought possible.

But... but know this.

The death of Fillory cannot come without a cost.

What do you mean?

Those who would destroy her will lose the ones they love.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

So we're sorry for treating you like the friend who only gets invited to trivia night.

You know I don't know what that means.

Yeah.

[SIGHS]

Will you please help us choose a globe?

Margo is chomping at the bit, and Josh is holding her off for as long as he can.

I thought I could talk myself into this.

But I just keep thinking, if this was Earth, you would try a lot harder to find some other way.

Yeah, probably.

So maybe it's my job to represent Fillory.

But not just the people, the place... the history, the things we can't take with us.

You want my permission to destroy it.

I can't give that to you.

Well, if you have any other ideas, we are all ears.

- Do you?
- No.

♪ ♪

Was that supposed to do that?

Fillorians write down their prayers to Umber and burn them.

This must be where they show up.

So they still pray to him even though he's dead?

I know what you're thinking.

It's just like the people of Fillory to do something so stupid.

No. I was thinking... it's taken me a really long time to, uh, figure out

that you can still love something even after it's gone.

Even if you helped k*ll it?

[SIGHS]

Okay, Fen.

It's time for a "come to Umber" talk.

You don't want to be a sidekick?

You want to have a say?
This is what that feels like.

I'm not asking for your permission.

Some part of Fillory has to die, and you're the one who has to choose.

Is it gonna be the rocks and the dirt?

Or is it gonna be the people and the traditions and all of the things that you can take with you?

I got it!

- [expl*si*n]
- Oh, no.

Aw, sh*t. I don't got it.

Oh!

Aah!

[EXPLOSIONS CONTINUE]

♪ ♪

Oh. Oh! Oh!

It... it didn't explode. I-I did it.

I chose wisely. I'm wise.

All the people of Fillory... are going to fit into a seahorse?

Mm-hmm.

How do you know that was the one?

Because that's how Ember and Umber first brought people to Fillory.

They chartered the Great Seahorse to carry us in his pouch.

Ah.

What?

How did people get to Earth?

Uh...

- The same.
- Well...

- The same.
- Mm-hmm.

And I promise I won't have anything to do with robbing The Couple.

If you give the book to Kady and Alice, I'll never see it again.

Watching evil Marina pretend to be good is...

I feel like sh*t.

[SIGHS] Yeah, I feel like sh*t, too.

Here. I'm glad to be rid of it.

- Is that...
- The heist book?

I know It doesn't look like much.

Thank you. You guys...

We have a lot of work to do... on us.

But we're gonna try now that I'm better.

[CHUCKLES]

Good.

Okay, so I guess we're done here.

And we won't bother you anymore.

Yeah.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hey. I've been looking for you.

I saw the Pig Man again.

Turns out, you know that apocalypse

I've been trying to stop?

We cause it.

If the prophecy says that Fillory is destroyed, that means we succeed, right? I mean...

- good news?
- Yeah.

Good news.

Look, about earlier, I need to tell you...

Look, I know. I was irresponsible.

Look, I should just accept the fact that any control I had over my life is now gone and I am a walking incubator.

- Julia...
- It's just terrifying, you know?

What if Lipson does the test and it's bad news?

You know, right now everything is good.

And the thought of losing any of that is just...

Julia, it's not the baby I'm freaking out about.

Look, I told you about how my dad left, but what I didn't tell you... what I haven't told anyone is... around that time, my mom... started having episodes.

Getting disoriented, hearing sh*t that wasn't there.

Um... the doctors thought it was just stress from my dad bailing on us, but...

You think it's because of you.

♪ ♪

What's happening to you... looks just like what happened to my mom.

And the episodes didn't stop when I was born.

They got worse.

♪ ♪

When she b*rned down our apartment, it was the first time I got thrown into foster care.

She'd fight to get me back, and then she'd get sick again.

Eventually the state took me in for good.

And I was scared, but...

I was more scared of my mom.

I f*cked her up for life.

♪ ♪

I'm so sorry.

I don't want what happened to her to happen to you.

Okay. I get it.

I'll do it... the scans, the treatments.

But you have to know it won't be like what happened to your mom.

We know about magic.

We have ways to deal with it.

And I won't put you in a cage.

♪ ♪

What the hell, man?

I tried to talk to him, and he punched me in the face.

Who?

No. Mm-mm.

- I warned you not to cross me.
- How the hell did you get out?

Let this be my last lesson to you as dean.

Don't make too many enemies.
They might find each other.

The Couple.

♪ ♪

Oh, I can't let you take that panel out of here.

This is some "fate of the world" sh*t.

Not my world, not my problem.

Then I guess I'm your problem.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Dean Fogg? What's going on?

Ha!

This just got very, very interesting.

Are you stupid enough to try and stop me?

♪ ♪

[CHUCKLES]

♪ ♪

[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

What just happened?

The Couple just got the last thing they need.

They have the Seed, the page, and the Panel.

We got to tell the others.

They need to steal that Seed now.
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