Hey, darling.
Yes, I will hurry back.
Bye.
- I have nothing with me!
- In that moment, you just left?
- Yeah!
- So did I.
You know it's been 15 years?
You remembered everything.
First train after five.
I was sure you wouldn't be there.
- I was there.
- How handsome.
This is unforgivable.
What will I say?
To who?
Ruby, where the f*ck have you been?
Whatever this is about just come home.
Ruby!
Thought I wasn't coming back?
Hey.
Yeah.
I've gone for a walk.
Yeah, just in a forest somewhere.
Okay, fine.
I'm in my room.
Don't...
Please don't bring them 'round here.
I'm not...
I'm not apologizing, Fiona.
You're coming now?
Yeah, great.
Bring 'em 'round.
Yeah.
Bring 'em all.
I'll see you in a second.
Can't wait.
Top-notch turndown.
Tripadvisor will be hearing from us.
- I'm sorry.
Should we...
- What?
Talk first?
Sexy talk?
Because I still don't do that.
What about?
Uh...
Um, I don't...
I'm not the same person I used to be.
- Of course you're not.
- It's been a long time.
Things change.
- Oh.
- Mm.
- Does it bother you?
- Yeah.
No.
I mean, I don't know.
Oh God, that makes me feel terrible.
No, no, no.
No, it doesn't bother me.
- I'm sorry I said that.
- No, no.
I was gonna do, um...
- body sculpting.
- Body sculpting?
Yeah, there are, like, procedures...
Oh no!
Jesus Christ!
No, no!
I didn't mean that.
-You don't do that.
-No, no, it's just age.
It's just age.
-What is?
What is?
-You know, you've, you've, you've um, you've taken from life, and so, in return, you need to give of your flesh or something.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I think I see.
I don't know.
I can't make jokes anymore.
I can only make confusing half-jokes.
I kind of like them better.
Aw, don't...
Listen, listen.
If you could find a plastic surgeon who would change...
any of this, I would say that he was evil.
Well, why is the, um...
the evil surgeon a man?
Because men dominate the upper echelons of the workforce.
So, I was referencing that injustice.
You know I hate injustice.
It's okay, I'm fine.
Oh!
Oh, my.
Oh!
Um...
Aah, for f*ck's sake!
- Oh!
Hey!
- Swiss Army Kn*fe of a room.
I'm sorry...
Okay, hey!
No!
Just go with it.
Go with it.
Come here.
I can't...
Ooh!
Babe...
That was my balls.
Aah!
f*cking f*ck that!
Oh!
- f*ck me!
- Are you okay?
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm so happy.
Oh...
Um...
- I'm going up here.
- Don't go up there.
You'll get us both k*lled.
- It'll be just like back in the dorms.
Come get me.
Ruby, wait.
I-I-I don't think...
Oh, you just, you need to step on that thing, and then you sort of, um, twizzle yourself in midair.
Okay.
Mmm.
Isn't that...?
It sounds like you're needed by someone.
Well, maybe I'm just wanted.
Yeah, yeah, well, I...
Um...
- Uh, they'll call back.
- "They"?
Are "they" poised at the end of the phone, hoping for a moment with the elusive Ruby Dixie?
So as you can see, I haven't checked.
Well, maybe you should check.
Gone.
- Are you happy?
- Are you happy?
Is there something that you wanna say to me?
Is there something that you wanna say to me?
Clearly, you haven't grown up.
Well, you would know.
- Are we aborting?
- What does that...
No.
No.
It's cool.
You wanna be frigid?
- Excuse me, I'm not frigid.
- Oh, don't get offended.
- You gaslighting me now?
- Oh, chill your boots.
- You know what?
Maybe we just get some rest.
Oh my God.
That's such good advice.
I'm just so tired and irrational, and I really need a strong, level-headed man to gently suggest to me that I get some f*cking rest!
Honey, I'm in a bad place.
- I know you are, but...
- Um, for reception.
- Well, can you move?
- Well, it's a yoga retreat, so there is no reception.
Look, I'm sorry, but I need you on the phone right now.
I'm trying to do everything here.
There's a...
sax lesson tomorrow.
I don't know what time it is.
- Also, where is the school?
- I'll text it to you, only Hunter doesn't have saxophone tomorrow.
Um, tomorrow they go to Tae Kwon Do, so you need to get him from sax on Thursday.
You're...
you're not gonna be home by Thursday?
One week, all right?
-Just one week.
-Well, I have tennis on the weekend, - so I don't really...
- Baby!
Fine.
Thank you so much!
I should go.
I have really needed this.
Namaste.
- Shh...
- Next stop, Cleveland, folks.
Please gather your belongings if you're detraining at Cleveland.
Okay, thank you, darling, bye.
Hey.
You're wearing your clothes.
Yeah, they don't like nudity - in the corridors, so...
- What are we doing here?
How was your phone call?
Tell me you want me right now.
- I could tell you some other things...
- No.
- And you could tell me...
- No, I don't want talking.
Do you wanna f*ck me or not?
Not right now.
Well, I turned up to have sex, so get this.
I'm gonna have incredible sex with whoever's next to walk out of that bathroom.
- What if he's a she?
- Wouldn't be the first time.
If you are referring to your dalliance with that sophomore, - that does not count.
- Are you jealous?
I'm excited for you.
Been in there a long time.
Shut up.
- Wow.
- Oh...
Okay.
This, I was not expecting.
- He's hot.
- He's a New York City 7.
Oh, but I'll be damned if he ain't an Amtrak 10.
- Excuse me.
- Sorry.
He smells delicious.
- Mm.
- Okay.
Look, he's...
he's at least 10 years younger than you, so...
Get your stuff and get out of my roomette 'cause I'm gonna need it.
You know...
I couldn't help but notice, you really took your time in that bathroom.
- Sorry?
- Oh, hi.
Um, oh, I-I was just saying, um...
Yeah, I couldn't help but notice you, like...
really took your time in that bathroom.
Um...
I'm sorry.
Uh, I was trying to be...
I don't know what I was trying to be.
I'm Derek.
Dolores.
Sure.
So then, Dolores, - what do you do?
- Me?
Um...
big architect.
Do you want another drink?
Are you nervous?
Well, you know more people die on trains than cars and planes combined.
- I don't think that's true.
- No, I don't either, really.
And what do you do?
I'm into wellness.
Can I have a beer, please?
I have an almond butter patent.
A lot of focus these days is actually on peanut butter, - but, believe it or not, the peanut is not actually a nut...
- Hey.
So, um...
do you think you could...
give me a hand with something in my roomette?
What's the problem?
Let's just say it's dirty.
Your roomette's dirty?
You should complain.
They're so expensive.
Um, Derek, would you like to come back to my room with me?
Well, not if it's dirty.
Oh.
Yes, please.
Hey.
Hey!
You know this guy?
We met earlier.
So...
That is...
Um...
And I would offer to give you the tour, but it would take less time than it takes to complete this sentence.
It's okay.
We don't actually have to do anything - if you don't want.
- What?
Why?
- What do you...?
- That guy out there?
Maybe.
Hmm.
Jesus Christ.
Oh, f*ck off!
Sorry.
Not you.
Can I have a...
And one for yourself.
We're not allowed to.
Okay.
Fiona, will you f*ck off?!
Sorry.
I'm not headed to Chicago.
How do you know where I'm going?
I can keep running away.
Because I don't want to do this anymore.
You've been amazing, but, uh...
it's over.
I bet you get a lot of lonely hearts in here, chatting you up of an evening.
Not usually so soon after dumping their girlfriend.
That wasn't my girlfriend.
And I, I wasn't...
I wasn't chatting you up.
Well, if you think that's been enough time to convince that guy we did the fandango, - I think I'll call it a night.
- Of course.
I'm so sorry about all of this.
Don't mention it.
It's been...
new.
Hmm.
- Hey, what is it you're gonna tell him we did in here?
You know, it's been so long, I don't even have - the imagination to make it up.
- Huh.
Well, you want me to tell you what I would've done?
Yes.
- Well, you seem a little tense...
so I'd start by rubbing your back.
And then I'd slip the shirt off your shoulders.
I'd get you to tell me when the pressure was too hard, and then I'd go just a little bit harder.
I'd inhale the perfume on your neck and get completely focused on the sensations I was causing in you.
Those little flickers.
Your nipples hardening.
That moment when you tightened inside.
Once I sensed you were responding to me like that, I'd lift you onto this bed here, take your jeans off, then take a second look into your eyes and enjoy knowing how wet I was making you.
And then you would...
Oh.
Oh, continue.
Sexy talk is a two-way street.
Oh.
Oh, I, I can't.
Um...
Well, um, maybe I can...
No, I can't.
Okay.
Too bad.
Oh...
- What can I get you?
- Uh, bourbon.
Okay.
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
Well?
Nothing happened.
Well, I mean, I say nothing, but...
Did something happen?
No.
Obviously.
Come on.
- So, you were joking with me?
- Kind of.
Why'd you do it?
You hurt my pride.
Don't hurt my pride.
Okay?
Okay.
Um...
Look, - what were you doing in there?
- Oh, he said a few things.
Made me feel a bit unwashed.
You did sexy talk?
You did sexy talk?!
- He did.
Uh, this is my good friend, Cherise.
- Hi.
- Hi.
Cherise and I have been up all night together, drinking, - isn't that right?
- No.
Yes, we have.
And I don't want it to stop now, so I've got the best drinking game for the two of us, okay?
- Cherise, will you please join us?
- I can't.
What about him?
- Oh no.
You're all right.
- No, they want...
they want you to play a drinking game.
No, really, you're fine.
- I'm in.
- Hey, man.
- Hey, Dolores.
Hey.
- Her name's not Dolores.
- Didn't matter to us.
Ladies and gentlemen, the name of the game is "Mmm, water," and it's a game of deception.
Cherise, I need some mini sh*ts of vodka, and tequila, Sambuca, and also some mini sh*ts of mmm...
water!
- Drink!
Drink!
- Drink!
Drink!
Drink!
- Drink!
Drink!
- Oop.
Water.
- Truth.
- Definitely lies.
I don't believe her.
- True, I promise you.
- Bullshit.
Check it.
It was water, again.
- Told you so.
- Oh!
Drink.
Aw, you know, don't, don't feel bad.
Dolores and I have been playing games together - for a very long time.
- So, was that bluff double...?
Well, folks, we'll soon be arriving at Union Station, Chicago.
- Next stop...
- Okay, party's over.
- No.
- Hey, Billy, do you wanna...?
We're having fun.
This is fun, Ruby.
Come on, Ruby.
Ruby.
Derek, Billy: Ruby!
Ruby!
Ruby!
- What!
Oh, oh, oh.
- Come on, sit down, you lightweight.
Lightweight?
Please, I used to drink his ass under the table when I was 19.
Well, everyone can see you're not 19 anymore, so...
What?
Oh, don't...
Ruby!
Come on.
You know I didn't mean anything by that.
You know, it's true, but... Well, no, you were jealous of Derek, and so you waited all night to humiliate me?
-That's not what happened.
-I can't believe that you would pick on the one subject that you knew would hurt me the most.
Oh God!
The only one obsessed with the way you look is you!
And it's boring and it's superficial and it's vain!
I thought seeing you again would make me feel good, and instead, it just makes me feel sad.
Union Station, Chicago.
Where-where are you going?
Oh, I'm going home, Billy.
Move.
- I'm sorry, okay?
- Don't be sorry.
This is good!
I have a life with consequences, and thank God we didn't do anything that I can't take back.
Come on, Laurence, pick up.
Hi there!
You've reached the Richardsons!
Leave a message for Laurence, Hunter or Scooter after the beep.
If you're looking for Ruby, she ran out on her family yesterday.
We don't know where she is, why she left, - or when she's coming back!
- Have a great day!
I always used to fantasize that I was two people.
The normal one that lived with him...
- Run!
- And then this fun person.
Oh, my God!
- I've run away from my kids!
- What?
You're gonna be facing some serious lawsuits.
I will deal with that.
This is no longer your concern.
If I wanted cash, I'd want a hell of a lot more than this before I let you forget about me.