03x22 - Crowbar Jones

[bunniefuu]

♪ Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da ba-da-ba-da-ba ♪

♪ Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da Let's go!

♪ ♪ We'll be there ♪

♪ A wink and a smile and a great, old time ♪

♪ Yeah, we'll be there ♪

♪ Wherever we are, there's fun to be found ♪

♪ We'll be there when you turn that corner ♪

♪ We'll jump out the bush ♪

♪ With a big bear hug and a smile ♪

♪ We'll be there ♪

[Music]

[Water running]

[Scatting]

Huh, so many choices.

Huh?

Hello?

Anyone there?

Aha!

[Gasps]

Hello, my friend.

I've been sent here to destroy you.

Oh, then, allow me to introduce myself.

[Grunts]

It can't be.

My name...

is Crowbar Jones.

And I'm the bear that's gonna bring you down.

[Music]

[Grunts]

Hiya!

Aah!

Who sent you?!

Who sent you?

Who sent you?

[Laughs]

This is looking so good!

A few tweaks here and there and the world will see my masterpiece.

Hey, Grizz, do you know where all the bedsheets went?

I-I can't find any of them.

Wha...

You're making another Crowbar Jones?

Wait, Pando isn't in this one, right?

Who?

Pando?

No, no.

Aah!

No, I love her, even though I know absolutely nothing about her or...

Oh, that Pando.

Yeah, he's totally in it.

Oh, come on, man!

Why are you always embarrassing me?!

Ugh!

Oh, don't worry, P-Man.

I promise, he's really great in this one.

Ugh, whatever.

As long as nobody sees this.

Popcorn is ready.

Perfect!

Wait, popcorn?

What's happening?

Okay, it's showtime.

Wait, what?

Grizz: Hey, can you hook this up?

Seriously, guys, what's going on?

[Gasps]

Grizz, what's happening?

It's my focus group!

They're gonna make my film better by giving me feedback.

B-B-But ...

No, but ...

Trust me.

People are gonna fall in love with Pando.

I promise.

Just have a seat and enjoy the movie.

[Groans]

[Audience murmuring]

Uh...

hello, everyone.

I am Grizz.

Welcome to the premiere of "Crowbar Jones 2: Another Reckoning." This film has been a real labor of love for me ...

a lot of action and solid fight scenes.

Most of all, there's a lot of great characters ...

one in particular, that really shines in this sequel.

Ugh, yeah, right.

Oh, and my bro is serving free popcorn in the back!

Great job, little bro.

Okay!

Well, without further ado, I give you "Crowbar Jones." Boop.

Boop.

Boop.

Narrator: In a city consumed by crime...

Ah!

Help!

...only one bear has the power to bring order to chaos.

Aya!

Crowbar Jooooooooones!

Narrator: Beartropolis ...

the year's 2034.

Crime is running rampant through the streets.

But what crime wasn't expecting was...

Crowbar Jones!

Aya!

President: Congratulations, Crowbar Jones.

You've done it again!

Now the world is a safer place because of you, chip chip cherio!

I'm just doing my job, sir.

Well, a job well done deserves recognition and a medal of awesomeness.

Also your album went platinum while you were saving the world.

Ah, stop it.

This is too much.

I couldn't have done it without my trusty sidekick, Pando.

Oh, thank you, Mr.

Crowbar.

Huh, huh?

Ooh, not half bad!

Would either of you like a pickle?

Aah!

[Laughs]

Classic Pando!

Aah!

Oh, my butt, my face!

Ugh!

All right, here we go.

Oh!

You guys are the best.

It also makes me wanna give you the keys to my Ferrari Turbo.

Ah, Mr.

President, we just couldn't.

Wait a second.

The President would never give out his Ferrari Turbo to anyone!

Who are you?!

Where's the real President?!

I knew it ...

a danger-bot.

[As Pando]

What does this mean, Mr.

Crowbar?

It means that the President has been kidnapped.

[whispers]

Psst!

Are you guys good with popcorn and drinks?

Do you need more pillows?

Just holla at your boy if you need anything.

Quick, man, can you make more popcorn?

Looks like people are running low.

Hey!

What do you think?

Aah!

Dude, everyone is laughing at Pando.

Cool, right?

[Chuckles]

He's the comedy relief.

Pando: Oh, look.

There's a sale on rat traps.

Aah!

Aah!

Aah!

Narrator: Meanwhile, back at the base...

Who kidnapped the President?

Could it have been Agent Cobra?

Maybe it was my old nemesis, Nefario Dawson.

Ah, it just doesn't make sense.

Have you found anything, Pando?

Not really.

Security camera didn't pick up anything unusual.

Wait a second!

Let me see the computer!

There, enhance!

"Evil robot headquarters"?

Ha.

This goes deeper than I thought.

Come on, Pando!

Let's head to the lab.

Right behind you, Mr.

Jones!

Aah!

[Music]

Ah!

Hello, Agent W.

I'm stuck, Crowbar.

Ah, Mr.

Jones.

[Chuckles]

Late as usual.

Fashionably late, you mean?

No, not really.

All right, here you go.

Whoa!

Ended up doing some modifications to the jetpack.

What's this weight for?

That's to maintain your totally sweet, ripped bod, my good man.

Mm-hmm.

Good thinking, W.

I'll do a few thousand reps on my way there.

Better come back in one piece, you hear?

Of course.

I promised my girlfriend an ice-cream date.

You're not coming back, I just know it!

I hate you!

I love you.

I hate you!

I love you.

I hate you.

I love you.

I hate you, I love, I hate, I hate...

[Beeping]

Oh.

Hey!

[Whispering]

Dude, I can hear you playing from over there.

I'll give you your phone back after the movie.

[Whispering]

Why would I want to watch a movie that's constantly making fun of me?

Just watch.

Be supportive, man.

No, you be supportive.

Hmph.

Hey, look, man, it's the guy.

Look at him.

it's the guy.

[Girl chuckles]

[Grumbling]

[Imitating jetpack]

[Music]

[Screaming]

Crowbar, help me!

I think something's wrong with my jet pack!

Get it together, Pando.

Now, let's dive!

[Chuckles]

Seems like you've made a new friend, Pando.

Aah!

If only I knew how to swim!

What?!

Wha...

That's not true!

I do know how to swim!

[Audience shouting indistinctly]

We're here!

Okay, Pando.

I gotta find someplace to freshen up.

Oh, my phone got wet!

Evil robot spa?

Don't mind if I do.

[Groovy music]

Awww, yeah.

Check out those biceps.

Yeah, you know.

Crowbar Jones.

Now, do me a little tiny favor and break it down.

Ugh, what?

Ugh.

What's going on?

Ugh.

What is happening?

Let's get out of here!

Are people going to the bathroom?

They're gonna miss the best part.

[Gasps]

No, no, no, no.

Please don't go.

I promise it's gonna get better.

There's a cool expl*si*n at the end!

Wait.

I-I swear this is a family film.

I worked really hard on it.

[Mellow music]

Okay, where's Grizz?

He's gone too far this time.

Grizz, I got beef with you, man.

Pando was a huge misrepresentation of who I am!

I don't spend all my time on the phone, I'm not clumsy, and I do know how to swim.

It's okay, bro, I think I'm just gonna throw the movie in the trash anyways.

Wait.

Really?

[Sniffles]

The audience has spoken.

Everyone hates my movie.

All that hard work for nothing.

It's all good, guys.

Oh, I mean, you don't...

have to throw it out.

It's not that bad a film.

Really?

Yeah.

In a childlike sort of way.

Ice Bear gives it five-ish stars.

Thanks, you guys.

[Chuckles]

Panda, I promise that for the next Crowbar film I'll make Pando even more heroic.

Cool, man.

I look forward to it.

So, do you wanna get these people out of here, or...

Huh, or maybe we don't have to wait that long.

Hmm.

Uh...

I'm not sure I follow.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Guys?

[Music]

Ha ha!

Aah!

Who sent you?

Well, I know how this one's gonna end.

Let's get outta here.

Huh?

Huh?

I won't ask you again, bro ...

Um...

I mean ninja.

Hiya.

No, it can't be!

They're mixing ninja DNA with robot DNA.

That's just evil!

Hiya!

[Grunting]

Not so fast!

All: Huh?

You are in a world of trouble, buddy.

Pando!

That's right.

Get ready to feel the true power of the Pan...

Whoa!

[Grunting]

Ohhh.

Whoa, Pando's infamous fireball kick.

Awesome move, Pando.

Yeah, totally meant to do that, so [chuckles]

Beep, beep.

Bzzt.

Beep, beep.

Let's take this ninja to Justice Town.

Both: Raaaaahhh!

Aaaaaah.

[All grunting]

Zap, zap.

Short circuit.

Yeah!

Finally, the world is once again ...

[Music]

.. a safer place thanks to you, Crowbar Jones.

Well, it's like I always say, saving the world is not a one-bear job.

Pando here is as big a hero as any one of us.

I owe you my life.

Oh, thank you, Grizz.

Oh, I mean, Crowbar Jones.

[Laughs]

[Dramatic music]

No!

Pando!

Speak to me, buddy!

I feel so cold.

[Coughing]

Don't go into the light, buddy.

You've got your whole life ahead of you.

In the words of the great poet, life is ...

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Good night, sweet prince.

Go to sleep.

Pandooooooooo!

[Cheers and applause]

[Cheers and applause continues]

[Keyboard clacking]

Done!

Done!