04x18 - Crowbar Jones

[bunniefuu]

♪ Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da ba-da-ba-da-ba ♪

♪ Da, da, da-ba-da, da, da Let's go!

♪ ♪ We'll be there ♪

♪ A wink and a smile and a great, old time ♪

♪ Yeah, we'll be there ♪

♪ Wherever we are, there's fun to be found ♪

♪ We'll be there when you turn that corner ♪

♪ We'll jump out the bush ♪

♪ With a big bear hug and a smile ♪

♪ We'll be there ♪

[Music]

[Chuckling]

Well, next time we hang out, we'll race to see who has the fastest private jet.

Okay, talk to you soon, Mr.

Prime Minister.

[Cellphone beeps]

[Sunglasses clatter, intercom beeps]

It's 10:00 a.m.

and I don't have my mocha latte!

[Panting]

Sorry, sir.

Took me a while to find the 2%.

I wanted 3%, but I'll forgive you.

Oh!

Any word form the Action Buddies reboot?

Did they offer me the part yet?

The movie studio left a message this morning.

They've, uh...

passed.

They said you're too cute for an action movie.

[Spits]

Too cute?!

Who do they...

Nope.

[Sighs]

Whatever.

What's on the schedule today?

Ah, yes.

[Clears throat]

Busy day, sir.

You have your massage, a trip to the factory, mani-pedi.

Also, your 9:00 a.m.

is here.

My what?

Hey, everybody!

It's me, Nom Nom!

Just kiddin', buddy.

Heyoooo!

[Groans]

Oh, here we go.

Oh, man, Nom Nom, this is like my dream office!

Ha!

There's so many toys!

Oh, no way!

It's the Nom Nom bobble head!

[Laughs]

Look at it go.

[Breaks]

Oop!

Oops.

Wait a minute.

What are you even doing here?

Security!

Sir!

Aah!

That's me.

I'm security, sir.

Oh, right.

Wait, Nom Nom!

I know your time is precious.

It's just that, I really want to pitch you my new movie.

Movie?

Hmm...

I think we should throw him out, sir.

Shh!

I don't pay you to think.

Ugh!

Okay.

You got 30 seconds.

That's great, 'cause 30 seconds is all you'll need to have your mind blown!

Boom!

[Beep]

[Music]

Grizz: Crowbar Jones!

Who's the bear that won't let you drown?

Crowbar Jones!

Ghost problem?

Haha!

How 'bout no problem when there's...

Crowbar Jones!

Okay, stop.

[Sighs]

"Crowbar Jones"?

I don't have time for your student films.

O-Okay, but ...

but hear me out.

Now, I know what you're thinking.

"Crowbar Jones?

How did it all begin?" Not really.

How did he become an action hero?

How did he met his sidekick, Pando?

What even is a crowbar?

[Groans]

Why are you telling me this?!

Wait for it, wait for it ...

"Crowbar Jones: Origins," starring yours truly and...

Tada!

Go on.

Here's the deal.

It's still a work in progress.

But if you like where it's going, I would love for you to be a part of it.

Come on, Nom Nom.

After all we've been through, j-just hear me out.

Please?

Fine.

I will allow you to pitch it, and if it's decent, I'll think about being in your movie.

[Gasps]

Yes!

But I've got a busy day today.

You're gonna have to show me this film around my schedule.

Got it?

Yes!

You got it, sir!

Now, prepare to have all your questions answered.

[Beep]

[Music]

Welcome to jail, Dr.

Destructo.

Hope you brought a book, 'cause you're gonna be here for 100 years.

Dr.

Destructo will see you again, very soon.

[Humming]

Great work.

Ah, thank you, Captain.

If you keep this up, you will put everyone out of a job.

[Both laugh]

I may be a rookie cop, but I am hungry for justice.

A couple of the guys are going to ice cream bar.

What does rookie say?

I wish I could go, but I got three things waiting for me back home ...

my supermodel girlfriend, a delicious dinner, and my sweet guitar.

[Ticking]

Sweetie, I'm home!

[Gasps]

No girlfriend?

[Dramatic music]

No dinner?

My tunes!

Wha...

No!

[Hyperventilating]

Huh?

A left sock?

Dr.

Destructo: "Dr.

Destructo told your girlfriend to leave, ate your dinner and hates your guitar.

Sorry, not sorry." Nooooooo!

I'd never been so upset in my entire life.

I'd lost everything.

Ice waiter thinks you've had enough apple juice.

I'll tell you when I've had enough apple juice!

Aaah!

But then something changed my life.

"Join the Super Spy Program.

Requirements ...

having lost everything." [Music]

Nom Nom: W-Wait.

Wait, pause!

I thought this was an action movie about crowbars.

This is just a guy moping around.

Oh, no, trust me.

That's just the back story.

First, they start with the slow, emotional stuff and then...

boom!

Explosions and flying cars!

Now is when things go into overdrive.

[Music]

Captain!

I wanna join the Super Spy Program!

Okay.

Why not?

[Music]

Huh?

What is this?

The process begins ...

combining new DNA.

[Whirring]

Captain: Strength of tiger.

Eyes of eagle.

Brain of frog.

[Siren blaring]

[g*n cocks]

[Siren stops]

[Music]

Yah!

Ahh!

Congratulations.

I won't rest until the city is safe again from the clutches of Dr.

Destructo.

Hooray.

Crowbar Jones and partner will do great out there.

[Record scratches]

Wait.

Partner?

[Doorknob jiggling]

Huh?

Whoa!

Ohh!

Ow.

Sorry I'm late, Captain.

I got locked inside the bathroom again.

No way!

I work alone!

I don't need Rando over here slowing me down.

First of all, my name is Pando.

And I also work alone.

Ice cop likes Pando.

Ice cop likes Jones.

Ice cop loves...

togetherness.

Remember, with great power...

comes great car.

Ooh!

I'll drive!

What?

No!

I'm the cool one.

Oh, boy.

I can't wait to drive at a safe speed in this baby.

But first...

[Gulping]

Ahhh!

Want some water?

I always try to stay hydrated before every mission.

There's only one thing that can quench my thirst right now.

Revenge!

Snooze!

Character development bores me.

If I were you, I would cut 90% of the movie.

Huh, I guess that would simplify things.

Okay, you see?

This is why it would be so cool if you were part of the film.

We can hang out and brainstorm how to make the film better!

Nom Nom doesn't brainstorm.

Nom Nom says what he wants and gets what he wants.

[chuckling]

That's a good boy.

Ugh, all right.

Let's get this thing over with.

A-ha!

Dr.

Destructo's secret lair!

Great.

How're we gonna get to the elevator without being detected by Destructo's army?

[gulps]

Who said anything about elevators, champ?

[w*r cry]

Aha!

Hurry up, Pando!

I'm coming, I'm coming.

Good thing I brought my grappling hook.

[Mimics g*n cocking, sh**ting]

[Whirring]

[Ticking]

[Panting]

Made it!

Can I get a hand?

Fine.

I guess.

Thanks.

So I was thinking, now we can find where he keeps his super computer and then download the computer virus.

Cool, right?

Not as cool as...

my fists!

That's a horrible idea.

Mine is the better way.

Nothing is better than my fists!

So you have arrived.

[Both gasp]

Dr.

Destructo welcomes you both...

to your doom.

Wha...

Huh?

What is this?!

Don't worry, bro.

I'm still working on the ending.

It's why you're here.

Ugh, you're wasting my time with this.

'Cause time is money, and money is...

[Gasps]

...the "My Little Nom Nom" smart doll!

Grizz: Are those...

worker robots?

Why, yes, they are.

Working 24 hours with no need of food, sleep, or paycheck.

My toy is the first with the new exo-chip, so it can interact with the owner like never before!

Ooh!

Oh, hello.

Would you like to be my friend and buy more consumer products?

[Gasps]

Oh, my gosh, Nom Nom!

This is amazing!

I know.

It's my greatest creation.

It is, sir.

Why are you still standing there?!

Go get me a chai tea latte!

Now!

Anyway, Grizz...

Ugh!

How can I say this without hurting your feelings?

Your movie is bad.

Like, really awful.

Ohh.

Besides, where do I even fit into this whole movie?

Y-You already made most of it!

Um...

somewhere in the ending, I guess?

I just haven't written it yet.

I'm sorry, Grizz, but I'm gonna have to pass on your offer.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a multi-billion-dollar enterprise to run.

Uh, okay, Nom Nom.

Thanks for your time.

Crowbar Jones?

Who would ever actually watch...

Buy me!

Aah!

Put me down!

Aaaah!

Huh?

What ...

What the...

No!

No!

Noooo!

Hmm.

Healthy chips?

What's even the point?

Nom Nom: Help!

Help!

Huh?

[Music]

Get me off of this thing!

Nom Nom?!

Help!

H-Help!

Aaaaaah!

No!

Stop!

I'm coming, Nom Nom!

Grizz!

Do something!

Get me ...

What do I do?

What do I do?

[Twinkle!]

[Angelic choir harmonizes]

[Gasps]

[Straining]

Huh?

[Whirring]

[Groaning]

Crowbar Joooones!

[Grunts]

[Music]

[Groans]

Uh...

Aaaah!

Huh?

What?

[Laughs]

I'm free!

I'm alive!

Phew!

What?

[Sighs]

Oh, uh...

Sorry about the mess, Nom Nom.

It's all good.

I'll get my people to clean this up in no time.

Oh.

Cool.

You know, I guess with a couple of fixes, "Crowbar Jones" could be a pretty cool film.

Really?

And I guess if I were part of it, both as an actor and executive producer, the film would get some massive street cred.

Eh, I'm in.

[Gasps]

Yes!

[Laughs]

Get ready to make film history, bro!

Also, I think I have an idea for the ending.

[Beep]

Pando!

No, stop!

Let go of me, you tin can!

Oh, no!

What do I do?

[Music]

You okay, Pando?

Wow!

That was amazing!

Thank you for saving me!

All in a day's work.

Behind you!

Uh...

[Grunts]

Huh?

Must destr...

Malfunction!

Beep bop boop ...

Function.

Dr.

Destructo...

was a robot?!

That will teach him to mess with me and my trusty partner.

Partner?

I like the sound of that, Officer Jones.

From now on, Pando, you can call me...

Grizz: Crowbar Jones!

[Music]

Later...

Wow.

Being hydrated before a mission does feel good.

Told ya.

[Knocks on door]

Now who could that be?

Hey, little buddy.

How can I help you?

The real question is, how can I help you...

Father?

[Music]

You were great in it, sir.

Done.

Done!