03x09 - Undo It

[bunniefuu]

NARRATOR: Previously on "Wynonna Earp”...

HE ROARS You let her do this.

You became a vampire for Doc. And he became one for you.

ROBIN: Seeds in the ground, whispering to one another.

Bulshar can talk to them.

NICOLE: Bulshar's ring is following me. It fits me.

NICOLE: No, no!

She only took three cards? Tarot cards.

KATE: He wants to find his last one, his future.

It's Arabic on the ring. It means Garden of Paradise.

WYNONNA: Bulshar is here for the Garden of Eden.

That's what the Ghost River Triangle is protecting.

Dear God. BULSHAR: God has nothing to do with it.

NICOLE AND WAVERLY PANTING WAVERLY: Don't stop.

NICOLE: Oh, come on, baby!

Maybe we need more lube?

WAVERLY: No, no! No, no, no, no, no. No. Don't stop. Don't stop.

Keep going. Keep going. Almost there.

No! Ow, ow, ow! OW!

NICOLE SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION WAVERLY: Ow!

OK, that's it.

Either Bulshar's ring shrunk or your finger chubbed up.

It definitely shrunk.

YouTube's all out of tricks.

It's just teens doing mean pranks now.

I mean, does it hurt?

WAVERLY: No, not really. Actually, it's fine.

I'll just leave it on.

Uh, you Wonder Woman punched a zombie witch across a room!

Yeah boi. Uh, not "yeah, boi". No, girl!

That ring came off a withered, chopped-off demon arm it turned a face-ripping witch into the Mother of Dragons and it b*rned Doc's finger, and... turned up in my biscuits!

It also keeps ricocheting back to us each time we try to get rid of it.

What if next time it hurts one of our friends? Or...

OK. Check the barn OK, for the giant bolt cutters... from Wynonna's B&E tool kit that I wasn't supposed to tell you about.

Of course.

Look, try not to touch anything, OK.

I'll get bolt cutters.

Not even you?

Oh no. When we get that thing off, we get off.

Did we just...? It appears as though we did.

Twice.

Did we?

Well, I sure did.

And I'm pretty sure you were here.

Oh, I'm still here.

BANGING AT DOOR NICOLE: Wynonna?

WYNONNA: Go away! Occupado!

Our minibar's fully stocked.

Decidedly not mini.

Guys, just let me in.

Then you better turn on incognito browsing cos it is NSFW in here!

Gross. I do not need that seared into my retinas.

So, what am I supposed to tell Waverly? Are you guys on again?

Oh, we are on... each other.

OK, great. Well, I'm just gonna tell her that you were drinking and fighting.

TENSE MUSIC

Those two need separate cages.

DOC: Now, am I to assume you have forgiven me?

For the vamp thing?

I'd say we kissed and made up.

As long as that's all you did... with your mouth anyway.

Oddly, the pangs of bloodthirst seem to have lifted.

And I would never do anything...

to betray your trust.

Such a gentleman.

Except for when you're not, at my request.

Which is often.

And why I am so spent.

WYNONNA: Let's go to sleep.

And we'll wake up together.

They're mine.

Oh, it's quite robust.

You know, it's unusual to find a woman wearing such a masculine piece.

I suppose tradition has changed.

Yup, we're all about challenging gender norms.

Now can you please get this hideous thing off of her.

DEREK: Of course.

Here goes.

LOUD DRILLING Oh my god! Oh. Sorry.

Bad experience with losing appendages.

Ha, ha, ha! She jokes when she's...

Ovulating? Dude, no.

Hold still. This won't hurt a bit unless I slip but that's why we have insurance settlements, am I right?

This is gonna be awesome.

How odd.

How did you say you came upon this ring?

Uh...

It's been in my family for generations. Yeah.

Yup, it came right over on the boat smuggled right up Granny Haught's.., petticoats.

Recessed markings?

What's that word?

Paradise.

NICOLE: You know what? Um, I'm feeling...

RADIO BEEPS SUZANNE ON RADIO: Officer Haught? Yeah. What's up, Suzanne?

SUZANNE: Got a disturbance out on Concession Road 10 the abandoned Gardner House.

NICOLE: Copy.

Kate? Yeah, what's she up to now?

Besides being very vampire?

Thank you so much for your time. Yeah. Thanks.

You know, I already have a buyer. Already? Sure.

Demon or creep with a ring fetish? Why pick just one?

Ah, the aroma of earth as the ground begins to thaw.

WYNONNA: Where are we going? Aren't we supposed to be doing something?

Tarot cards.

Bulshar found what he was looking for.

Oh. The Garden!

DOC: We're gonna head old Bulshar off of the pass. Remember?

Today was fun.

Are you, uh, OK with us?

Well, there's the sucky bitey fangy thing.

Which I did, uh, for you.

Who am I kidding? I only feel like me when I'm with you.

SUDDEN WHIRRING

This is giving me a headache.

I've spoiled our walk.

Some things are best left unsaid.

No, Doc.

Something's wrong. I don't feel... I don't feel well.

It's a trick! It's Bulshar!

Bulshar? Doc, wake up!

Wake up!

Yo, Bee-boy, where are you taking us? Where are you taking us? No!

You do not want to know what happened to the last person who tried to force-feed me granola!

Bulshar.

Even for a million year old hell monster, you... look like cat barf.

Now you know... our fates are linked.

Your ability to resist my delusion...

It's impressive. WYNONNA: Well, what can I say?

I built up a tolerance to hallucinogens when I dated that tree planter.

Then I need to up my game.

Hand-to-hand it is.

Come on, Ballshaft. Whadda ya got?

I'm going to enjoy this.

Doc?

Bulshar?

Hello?

OK.

Could be worse, Dubs.

Usually when you wake up in a strange room you gotta spend the whole day at a walk-in clinic after.

RAPID, SHORT BREATHS

WYNONNA: Oh.

At least there's booze.

It's gone.

Doc?

DOC: Wynonna? Thank God.

You can hear me? DOC: Yes. What happened?

I just d*ed... but I'm back. DOC: How? Back where?

Shorty's basement. I... I--I--I--I think I'm OK. Where are you?

DOC: Nowhere good.

I can see you. Do you see me?

DOC: No. I do not know how I got here.

Did you see Bulshar? DOC: Bulshar? No. Why?

I can barely move, Wynonna. I'm near paralyzed!

OK. Don't panic.

I'll explain everything as soon as I find you which I'm going to do right now.

DOC: Please do, Wynonna. Please do.

Ha! Missed me, dickhead.

There's always more dickheads.

Come on!

Poison dart!

DOC: Wynonna!

DOOR CLICKS OPEN AND SLAMS SHUT WYNONNA SCREAMS I'm back.

DOC: Are you OK?

WYNONNA: Uh, does a molten hot spike to the eye count?

Which smarts, by the way.

Why does Bulshwhack have to make it hurt?

DOC: Because that may be the point of this.

Pain is the end game.

Great pep talk.

But I'm... I'm like metal.

The more you hit it, the stronger it gets.

And I'm shiny.

And dense.

Holy crap I did learn stuff in high school.

NICOLE: Careful. The cable guy didn't see anybody leave.

Did he leave?

Or are we going to walk in on a normal-nosed Kate giving him a fang-y turbo-hickey?

BANGING, WOMAN GRUNTS Maybe she's renovating?

MERCEDES: Come on!

Put the hammer down!

Oh. It's you do-good dorks.

Mercedes? MERCEDES: In the flesh!

Well, what's left of it.

What are you doing?

Uh, my douchepecker brother, may he rest in hell...

NICOLE MUTTERS: Still might be too good for Tucker.

He changed the combo while playing Igor to those face-ripping b*tches.

Ergo, hammer.

Hey do you guys know why there was bloody sheets and all those sex toys on my bed?

Uh, there's been an uninvited guest.

Oh. Well, whatever. Squatters gotta squat.

Missed you, Mercedes.

Wynonna has been calling.

Well, I've been busy, dog flying all over the world, surgery after surgery... and, uh, nothing took.

There's a woman in Venezuela muy underground, hashtag facial reconstruction.

So here I am, a mutant in constant pain, trying to break into my own safe.

Are you going to just stand there like a couple of dildos?

Don't tell anybody I wasted a b*llet.

MERCEDES: OK. OK.

SCREAMS Oh!

GASPS Oh, my wads!

We've got company. Yeah, I thought we might.

Argh! OUCH!

Acid? Really?

DOC: Wynonna, stop and think.

Count your cards. Be methodical.

WYNONNA: Not my brand, John Henry.

WYNONNA GRUNTS DOOR SLAMS SHUT

What is it, Derek?

I know this is weird but I just can't get your friend's ring out of my head.

May I? NICOLE: He's a jeweller.

Uh, yeah. Where do you think I pawned every bit of bling I owned?

Ah, it won't take a minute.

MERCEDES: Bye, Derek.

There's nothing left for you to get your grubby little hands on here.

Oh, I must see it.

I must have it.

Spoiler alert: Derek's a demon.

Is every d*ck trumpet in Purgatory a demon?

Ow! Back off, Derek!

DISTORTED VOICE: My fingers can cut diamonds.

Flesh is no match.

Give me the ring!

Let her go, Derek!

You know I can't take it off, Derek!

Everyone stop saying Derek!

I must pay fealty ultimate fealty to Bulshar.

MERCEDES: Bulshar?

The demon husband of the venom-spewing, face-stealing monster-wives?

Yeah, that's the guy.

SILENCE, MERCEDES WHIMPERS

NICOLE CRIES OUT, DEREK ROARS Cut it off or I'll k*ll Ginger One and Ginger Two.

Bitch, you just brought sparks to an Earp-ferno.

Oh, you want it, Derek? DEREK: Yes.

WAVERLY: Huh? Huh?

Take it!

DEREK SCREAMS

SILENCE MERCEDES: The face! Why is it always the face?

DOC: This is complete madness.

What's on your face? Is that popcorn?

I'd die for some popcorn.

I hope I don't get k*lled by eating too much delicious popcorn!

I need a new plan.

I have no plan.

DOC: You need to rest.

You're right. Not trying used to be my M.O.

I've changed, man.

What am I doing wrong?

This is what it feels like to be a revenant.

It sucks donkey schlong.

Donkey Kong.

It's like a video game, Doc.

DOC: Oh good, my forte.

And if there's one thing I know about video games there's always a way out.

There's always a way to b*at the system.

Ait Ail Ail Hot!

My ass is hot.

DOC: Well, if you're looking for validation I will not disagree.

The floor is melting, Doc! I'm out!

DOC: Wynonna? Do not do anything foolish!

SHE SHOUTS: Leroy Jenkins!

Argh!

Son of a bitch. That's not where that goes, Bulshar!

DOC: Wynonna.

Can you hear me? WYNONNA: Doc, yeah!

Where are you?

I'm home.

BULSHAR: Excellent.

How will my plaything endure this new test?

Wyatt Earp's heir will watch for all eternity.

She will watch as I enter watch as the world burns, as I enslave humanity and know it was all her fault.

Anything come at you yet or have you learned to die in silence?

I just hit my stupid hip bone on the stupid chair.

DOC: Is there whisky?

WYNONNA: You want me to just splash some into the fireplace for you?

For you, to numb the pain.

Great idea.

Urgh! I don't know what that is, but it's not whisky.

DOC: Do that again!

Eff that. It tastes like bear piss.

With your feet. I can feel the vibration.

LOUD STAMP Yes, that! I can hear it.

I can hear it coming from above.

Tell me if it's getting closer.

DOC: Yes. Yes, that is the bearing!

STAMPS Wynonna, you've found me!

It's dirt.

On you face. How long has it been happening?

Since the ordeal began.

Trickle by trickle.

He's burying you alive?

DOC: Yes.

WYNONNA: Why didn't you tell me?

Because of a conversation I had... with Bulshar.

I came upon him among a grove of trees.

And under thr*at, he insisted I make myself useful.

Help him move?

He offered me a deal.

He would cleanse my soul if I convinced you to do his bidding.

Tell me you didn't make a deal with Bulshar.

Aligning myself with a demon against you?

I refused.

Bulshar is such a drama queen.

Hang in there. I'll be back.

Just need a crowbar.

No sudden T-Rex att*ck

no flaming hot hailstorm no forcing me to watch golf...

Good.

It's like the ring, my... My hand, had a mind of it's own.

Uh, yeah, ya melted Demon Derek's face like Velveeta!

What if it face-melts someone human?

Everything you Earps touch is as cursed as you are.

And if that is Bulshar's ring, you're screwed.

I was locked in a basement by face ripping demon witches and the only thing that they were terrified of was him.

Well, Wynonna ended them.

Well, goody for her!

My face still looks like a goddam charcuterie board!

You're still beautiful, Mercedes.

And you ate edibles for breakfast.

There's only one way to get it off.

No more cutting off hand bits!

That ring, on you... Something very powerful is at work here.

Your sex life is either about to either get really great or very, very, very bad. Girl... put a mitt on it.

Not a permanent solution. Well, I tried.

And now I've got a face to catch. Good luck, girls.

WAVERLY SIGHS Look, if demon magic what's keeping the ring on then maybe we need demon magic to get it off.

Jeremy and I will put our heads together.

OK.

PHONE RINGS Speak of the veggie devil.

Jeremy, uh I... I need to search through the archives to find some BBD ring removal voodoo.

OK, later. Look, Robin gave me the login for all the Parks and Rec surveillance footage.

And I... I noticed something on the Eagle Nest Cam.

Something very Bulshar-y.

Bulshar-y? What...? What...? Where are you?

I'll send you my location.

I definitely don't want to go in alone.

Whoa!

As much as I'd love to stand here and k*ll you be a good Bobo and hand me that sickle.

Remind me to send Mama a thank you card for letting you out of the well.

Cool. Die, start over. k*ll Bobo, start over.

Bobo del Rey.

WYNONNA: Yeah, stinking up the barn.

On the bright side, I'm not back to Shorty's basement so I must've levelled up.

DOC COUGHS Doc?

How is there so much dirt? I've been gone for like two minutes!

Many, many times.

HE COUGHS AND SPLUTTERS

DOC COUGHING DOC: For the thousandth time I'll say it whatever you have been doing with Bobo, try something else.

WYNONNA: I sh*t him. Every time.

So... no Peacemaker.

What's the worst that can happen?

DOC: Well, you die.., again.

JEREMY: Yeah, the camera is mounted up there.

NICOLE: Which way does it look? WAVERLY: Yeah, and what did you see?

Like a weird overgrown mound of tree roots.

Look, Bulshar was looking for the Garden, right?

So what if the staircase...? Was the entrance.

Yes, high five! Ooh. WAIT NO! Hand of death.

Oh yes, uh, supportive elbow bump.

Uh, guys? Speaking of death hand.

WYNONNA: Bad Bobo! Stop!

No g*n.

Come on, man!

I know we've never been besties... This is getting us nowhere.

You and Juan Carlo and Constance sealed Bulshar underground.

There has to be a way to b*at him.

BOBO: Juan Carlo and Constance are dead.

And I am no longer the Robert Svane that helped cast that spell.

He's dead too.

Dude, it makes me feel really gross to say this Help me. Help?

Robert, please.

You know me, Bobo. You know my family.

My mother, she let you out Willa, you loved her

Waverly, your angel.

Remember? You saved her.

We can fight, Bobo.

My resolve is gone.

From the day he cursed Wyatt Earp's ancestors to fight all those he had a hand in k*lling over and over, Bulshar won.

And it will never, ever end.

FAINTLY: We can't give up.

I did.

And so will you.

NICOLE: Did an animal make this? JEREMY: Damn.

WAVERLY: I think it's actually called a lodge.

Ah, well, you're the beaver expert, so...

But whatever it is, we need to rip it up. Here.

What? You carry hatchets in your backpack?

This is Purgatory, Jeremy. I carry a lot of sh*t in my backpack.

Wait. It's Bobo.

JEREMY: Well... Death to Bobo! No!

Are you crazy? He can move metal with his mind.

Then grab a pointy stick.

THUDDING

Are you sure this isn't hell?

DOC: I'm sure.

How do you know?

Because, darlin', in hell I was alone.

WYNONNA: I never gave up on you, Doc.

Even when it looked like it.

I wish you hadn't given up on me.

DOC: I would never.

Not on you.

Not on our daughter.

Never.

Would it be selfish to ask you to make one last attempt?

I'll understand if you deem me unworthy.

This would be so much easier if you were.

WAVERLY: Hey. Bobo.

Bobo!

He... He's got 'em. Them who?

BOBO: Wynonna, Henry, Doc. Out here.

No. They're in the barn. They were having sex.

I thought you said they were having a fight?

BOBO: Bulshar's in their minds. How is he in their minds, Bobo?

Mr Bobo? WAVERLY: No!

WAVERLY SCREAMS Don't you see?

Bulshar, he's everywhere.

These are his groves his trees.

What does he want with our people?

Same as always...

revenge.

WYNONNA: Baby got back! As in back again!

A waste of an entrance! Now I want a do-over.

Truman Show much?

Where've you been, pervert? Figures you like to watch.

BULSHAR: John Henry Holliday could have made it so much easier but his resistance brought this trial upon you.

WYNONNA: That's nifty. Is that the way out?

Thought so.

You're all feathers till I don't have my g*n.

Neat trick.

Hope you didn't forget the a*mo.

I make the rules.

And soon that w*apon will be mine.

The tower is the w*apon.

It protects the garden.

And sends demons back to hell.

BULSHAR CHUCKLES Only the revenants, the ones I created with the curse.

We get it. You're original demon classic.

BULSHAR: You will give it to me.

Willingly.

So you can't take Peacemaker?

Well, that's good to know.

I'll tell you what when I break this game I'll shove her up your ass and blow your guts out through your brains. Willingly.

I'm coming, Doc.

Bulshar found me.

He blew a cloud of dust. It was like a waking dream.

Is this a dream?

It could be spores? Some kind of hallucinogenic fungus?

I was there forever.

I thought it was gonna go on forever. Now Wynonna's there forever.

Where? Everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

I k*lled her... and she k*lled me, over and over again.

WYNONNA: OK.

SHE PANTS

WYNONNA: Doc! BOBO: She wanted to keep fighting Bulshar.

But I was weak. I broke.

Wynonna won't break.

Maybe there's still time. We must be going in the right direction.

We-we-we're close.

No, I can feel them.

That way. NICOLE: OK.

HE SIGHS BOBO: Your father's ring...

You found it.

Or wait. Maybe IT found you?

WYNONNA GRUNTS

Gotcha.

DOC WHEEZES You did it Wynonna.

I'm free. I'm free.

Feel like I haven't seen you in ages.

Did you always have this moustache?

Thank you.

Ain't nothing but a chicken wing, Doc.

How did you defeat Bobo?

I want to say boobs, but I'm just so, so tired.

And Bobo's gone.

Bravo.

What really happened?

Bulshar showed up with some kind of red Narnia door.

Are you ready to take the game to him?

Well, let's do this.

DOC: Our exit strategy?

WYNONNA: Hold on.

Bulshar!

Come out here, Squirrel-nuts!

Wynonna, come on!

It's another trick, Doc. It has to be.

BULSHAR: You're free to go.

We're not falling for that.

I can no longer keep you here.

You've won.

That's where I sh*t you.

Peacemaker can hurt you.

Don't be stupid.

You saw the cards.

You know our fates are intertwined.

Come on, baby.

Blast his ass!

DOC: Is that it? Is it over?

Let's see what's behind door number one.

Alright. We did it.

We did it! This is where Bulshar blew that stuff at us.

We weren't having a roll in the hay. That made no sense!

No, none at all.

I'm still pissed you sold your soul to stupid sexy Kate, Doc!

We did it!

And Bulshar's dead!

Did we break the curse?

NICOLE CALLS OUT: Wynonna?

WYNONNA: Nicole, I've never been so happy to hear your stupid bossy voice.

Urgh!

No. No, this is the beginning!

DOC: Wynonna?

Wynonna?

Oh, thank God.

Where are you?

DOC: I do not know how I got here.

I can barely move, Wynonna. I'm near paralysed.

No!

BULSHAR ECHOING LAUGHTER

DOC: Wynonna?

BULSHAR: You can't k*ll me. I can keep this up forever.

I'm just getting warmed up. There is no victory.

Only surrender.

Not in my vocabulary.

You're such fun.

HE LAUGHS And all alone.

Well, almost.

Did you make me dig them?

She won't give up.

Waverly won't give up. They won't give up.

She's gonna come for me.

And we'll b*at you together!

BULSHAR: Nobody's looking for you an infinity could pass before anyone even knows you're missing.

We all die alone, Ms Earp.

And lonely death is coming for you too, very soon.

I don't want to be alone. BULSHAR: Of course not.

Wouldn't you rather be with your loved ones for those precious moments before it all comes to an end?

WYNONNA: Were they lonely? BULSHAR: They were abandoned.

WYNONNA: Not by me.

Ah, I see, Deep down you wish to punish them.

WYNONNA: No.

I want to save them.

JEREMY: Woah. This is it! You can see these stairs, right?

They're not a mirage? They're really here?

NICOLE GRUNTS NICOLE: Yup, they're real.

And up there?

JEREMY: Bulshar was searching for... NICOLE: Paradise.

JEREMY: Woah, hey, hey! Do NOT climb those stairs.

Why not? WAVERLY: Guys. I think I found them!

You need the tower to get into the garden.

Peacemaker is the tower.

If you require added incentive I have many more games up my sleeve.

DOC: Help!

Help me! Please!

assh*le.

I can keep that up forever too.

NICOLE: Are they alive? JEREMY: Yeah. But they're scared.

Whatever's happening to them, isn't good. Please hurry!

DOC: Wynonna? Stay strong! Don't...

No! Do not give in! Wynonna!

Wynonna, it's me, Waverly!

Waverly. WAVERLY: Wynonna!

Wynonna!

NICOLE: Doc!

DOC: Wynonna! Don't do it!

SHE WIMPERS DOC: Wynonna!

WAVERLY SCREAMS: Wynonna!

BULSHAR: There is only one way to save the ones you love from this t*rture.

DOC: Please. WAVERLY SCREAMS: Wynonna!

You'll let them go.

BULSHAR: I give you my word.

And I keep my word. just as I keep my curses.

I'm sorry.

But I love you.

WAVERLY: She's alive! NICOLE: Oh, thank God.

Doc too. Sort of.

Come on, sweetie. Come on. Come back to us. Come on, please.

Please wake up. Please. NICOLE: Waverly, your hand!

DOC: No! Wynonna, don't do it!

NICOLE: Doc! It's OK. You're safe.

Doc! Hey, hey, hey! Hey, hey!

You're out! You're OK!

Where are we?

Bulshar, he brought you here, but it's OK.

It's OK. You're safe.

Say you didn't.

Say you did not give up Wyatt Earp's g*n.

Maybe Bulshar knows you've got the best chance of any Earp heir to end the curse, so he cheated.

WYNONNA: He doesn't care about the curse.

He didn't cheat, he b*at me.

He needs the tower to get into the garden. He has it.

We have nothing left to fight him with.

We have us.

An almost alcoholic MILF, an unreliable vampire an under-funded Sheriff... At least you're still pretty great.

SIGHING: At least things can't get any worse.

This is stuck to my finger.

Bulshar's ring?

Well, actually, Bobo said... What?

WAVERLY GASPS: No. I melted a face.

Yeah, OK, a demon face, sure, but I can't control it.

OK. That's worse.

Look, we know where he's going, OK?

We'll take the fight to him at the stairs. Stairs?

The ones that supposedly lead to the garden where he planted you and Doc?

No. I didn't see any stairs.

Oh.

Maybe they can only be seen by the righteous... by those who are good.

You're not just good, Wynonna You're my sister.

You're a freakin' angel and you can't get this off?

And I might need to wear a Niagara Falls oven mitten! Forever!

Cos all it does is hurt people!

My face!

My freakin' face!

Mercedes Gardner is back, suckers!

Waverly Earp, you sweet little lesbian. You did it. You healed me.

SHE SQUEALS WITH EXCITEMENT