02x05 - Let's Pretend We're Strangers

Episode transcripts for the 2016 TV show "Wynonna Earp". Aired: April 2016 to present.*
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"Wynonna Earp" follows Wyatt Earp's great granddaughter as she battles demons and other creatures. With her unique abilities, and a posse of dysfunctional allies, she's the only thing that can bring the paranormal to justice.
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02x05 - Let's Pretend We're Strangers

Post by bunniefuu »

- Previously on Wynonna Earp...

- We're not savages.

A briefcase was stolen from a field marshal in the triangle.

This is my one sh*t to get...

Waverly!

No!

- I know what I saw.

- Yet Waverly still seems to be intact.

sh*t!

Don't, don't, don't!

- That weirdness in Waverly...

- All of the cutlery has gone missing.

This perfect pool of shiny goo...

- It was calling to me.

- What are we going to do with you, hmm?

Let me go!

Help!

Get off of me!

What the hell?

Is that blood?

Silence!

Under sentence by the Order.

In the shadow of eternal life, the beast shall be slaughtered.

My others will make the rivers run red with your pig's blood!

Nifty.

Brothers, our reward is near.

Only one remains to be cleaved from this world.

Now.

Who wants nachos?

Good morning!

Ooh!

Home fries, bacon, and...

Mm!

Fresh!

The pièce de r? sistance.

Bloody Mary!

You could show the teensiest bit of excitement.

- We're not really smoothie people.

- Oh!

Success!

Beautiful.

Mm!

Garnish.

Oh, you're not vegan, are you?

Spoons!

Uh, shiny things!

Metal!

I...

I was collecting them for you.

Mm!

I checked the barn 12 hours ago, and still some work to be done.

Way to go, slacker.

Hey!

I salted the rim!

I'm not a savage!

Wynonna, I know you're in there.

Come on!

- You can fight this thing!

- Ah, no.

You could fight me.

It was exhausting, being inside of you, all that goodness.

You were in my brain.

I'll remember a weakness.

Fighting demons is what we do!

What do you think I'll do?

Any idea...

how many of your friends will survive the day?

In fact...

you're annoying.

I think you'll go first.

No, no, no!

Wynonna!

No!

No, Wynonna, please!

Waves...

- Wynonna!

Yeah!

Yes!

- It hurts, but I'm trying!

- Come on!

Come on!

Please!

- I'm trying!

Ride's here.

This'll have to wait.

Eat up!

Catch you on the flippity-flop!

Tell me the truth, Wynonna.

Is she red enough?

- Let's get going!

- What about your fairer half?

Oh, she's sick.

She's got a bout of influenza?

Any word on lily-livered Lucado?

I was gonna ask you the same thing.

Are you sure Waverly is...

- Whoa!

Are those...

pants?

- I sure hope so.

New...

I meant, new pants.

It's not that I don't always notice your tight little rump, but today's junk in the trunk is especially delightful.

Are you feeling all right?

It was a Bloody Mary morning and a Tequila Sunrise sunset.

- So Waverly is, uh... - A little tied up.

A lot hungover.

You don't wanna go in there.

Trust me.

I always do.

Unique conditions that could add up to a very rare thunder-snow storm.

Surprised you haven't inquired on the state of our patient.

Dolls is improving.

Right.

Hey!

The top nine and nine is coming up next!

Is that the ancient plate?

People seem intent on k*lling over this.

The sooner you identify it, the better.

OK!

Ho ho ho!

OK...

Purgatory Fair, 1952.

- Was it a good one?

- I was at the bottom of a well.

Hard core.

Odd.

- You really are.

- No.

This paint isn't from 1952.

It doesn't taste like lead.

Then it is hiding something.

Oh!

I can use my laser optical coherence tomographer!

I can take a photo of what's underneath the paint.

Or we could skip straight to the dying.

This is gonna be so cool!

Waaaaaa.

OK, yeah!

It's just as I thought.

There is an obscured etching here.

It feels like I've seen this symbol before.

'Cause it's on the Purgatory Volunteer Fire Hall, Third and Main.

Lived here my whole life, remember?

How do you pull up the weather on this thing?

Yeah.

I'd like to take this plate back to headquarters, compare the etchings with the BBD archives.

You know, the last gentleman who transported this plate?

He ended up hacked to pieces by demons.

Yeah.

Phot...

photo's fine.

I think we should pay this fire house a visit.

I'll read the report.

I've got plans.

Hm.

Waverly nearly d*ed to retrieve this.

Long as I'm back before dark.

I mean, to check on her.

She's sick, right?

Hungover.

Pitter-patter!

Can't let the trail go cold.

Help!

Help!

Help!

Wha...?

I'm armed!

And très pissed!

Oh, yay!

Dolls!

- Oh my God, you're up and about!

- Yeah, that makes one of us.

- Where's your w*apon?

- I was bluffing, silly!

Thank you!

We need to find Wynonna.

Tell me why I shouldn't k*ll you right here, right now.

For starters, I'm tied to a chair.

Again.

- I know what you are.

Demon!

- Oh!

You're an hour late and an Earp short.

It jumped into Wynonna last night.

It's gonna hurt her and everyone else.

Where was the first place we met?

Outside Shorty's.

Wynonna put a Kn*fe to your throat.

- Favourite food?

- Lasagna.

- Real favourite food!

Sweet and sour soup with a dollop of peanut butter.

So you could just be reading Waverly's thoughts right now, right?

Because I know what I saw...

in the barn.

Oh my God.

I was there, wasn't I?

And...

you were bleeding and wounded...

and in pain.

And I didn't...

I couldn't see you.

I couldn't help you...

with that thing inside me.

Oh, my God!

Oh, Dolls, I'm so sorry.

You could...

you could have d*ed.

You know, I've seen a lot of possessions in my life, and never one that incited so many apologies.

I'm me.

Yeah.

I know.

I know...

which means Wynonna is not.

- What's it gonna do?

- In Wynonna?

Whatever it wants.

You know the last major storm we had in Purgatory, the mayor's street was plowed before the hospital.

Natural selection in action.

You OK there?

Underwire my ass!

I swear - this thing fit yesterday!

- Hey, did Waves, uh, - pop in without me seeing her?

- She's home sick.

Really?

'Cause I spoke to her last night and she sounded fine.

She's a good faker.

Or hadn't you noticed?

It's just, I left three messages.

Did she get them, or?

Three unreturned messages?

Waverly needs space.

She's dying under the weight of your...

expectations.

Waverly's not...

the white picket fence in Purgatory girl you want her to be anymore.

You know Wynonna, you're really mean when you drink before noon.

And you drink before noon too often.

Hope your Tinder game's solid.

She didn't deserve that.

What, the truth?

You spelled "possessed" wrong, stupid.

Ah!

Son of a bitch!

Try that again...

and we'll bleed every last one of them - slowly.

- You comin' or not?

Sure!

Let's go stir it up.

I could always feel it inside me.

Like, jockeying for position.

Yeah, like working at me.

You know, gnawing at me.

Like...

like a thousand tiny fingers, prying.

In Black Badge, we call them passengers.

When it took over, I...

I remembered nothing.

Except that suddenly one felt like many.

- Fractured.

- Yeah.

Or multiplied.

- Becoming...

- Legion.

Yeah...

though it never did anything as cool as breathe fire.

Yeah.

Yeah, the thing in me is...

not a passenger.

It's just me.

It jumped into Wynonna because I wouldn't do what it wanted.

- Which was what?

- I don't know.

I was fighting too hard to ask.

For seven weeks?

We can't let it take Wynonna.

Nothing will stop us from trying.

OK?

Not even you.

So the symbol on an ancient plate coveted by both Black Badge and the demon mob matches that hanging on the local fire hall.

Are we walking into a den of evil or an innocuous small-town brigade?

You will find that the Ghost River Triangle never stops coughing up new secrets.

Besides, any Dicksons that get the jump on us?

We'll be ready.

A lot of places nearby.

Let's blow this off and spend the day without clothing.

I asked the boss, and I'm sorry.

There's no refills on pancakes.

Well, tell your boss that's bullshit.

I can take that - if you're all done with it.

- Let's get to the station.

Wee-oo!

Wee-oo!

Wee-oo!

She likes to look at the trucks.

Before I k*ll you, I'm gonna need my briefcase.

You abandoned two Black Badge agents during a sting op.

- I'm pretty sure you're fired.

- And I'm pretty sure - you're dead.

- Guys!

You sent mercenaries to k*ll me!

You were a wanted fugitive!

- Oh, all right.

- Hee-yeah!

Ah!

Oh!

Oh man!

Guys!

Guys, we just replaced that!

OK.

- This is personal.

- This is, too.

Quit it, you assholes!

Wynonna's possessed, and we don't have time for you two to go all UFC on each other!

What's the situation?

Huh.

Well frankly, Lucado, the situation is balls.

See?

That's a match.

Well, since we know practically nothing, perhaps we should get them talking.

Speaking of subtlety...

I know they are firefighters, but this seems like an excess of axes.

Too many of us have met our ends here.

- How dare they!

- You folks here for a tour?

People usually bring their kids.

Oh, we're kids at heart.

Captain Ewan Allenbach.

What do you think of our house?

We were just admiring the symbol out front.

Oh, yeah.

Um, if you're interested, we're always looking for new volunteers.

Oh, by the looks of it, y'all do too many sit-ups for my taste.

Name is Wynonna Earp.

Mean anything to you?

I've seen a few Westerns, yeah.

Horrible deeds have been committed here.

I mean, hate to take offence, but generally speaking, our goal is to save lives.

Which lives?

Hm.

Ah...

a little history about the place.

It was built on the site of an old church, so the ground is consecrated.

They say that those who walk in sin can have a bit of a reaction.

Have you done bad things?

The sister's been a little sick.

I think Miss Earp is coming down with something too.

Uh, well we got a medic on site.

I'm sure we could take care of whatever's bothering her.

Oh, we'll leave it be.

You know, tree, cats, won't rescue themselves!

Juan Carlo isn't gonna like this.

Let's get you straight home to bed!

I just need a minute...

and some water.

Do I have any water?

Got some water right here.

A steak Kn*fe?

You saw how aggressive he was.

And, uh...

Peacemaker?

That's what I thought!

Wynonna Earp never leaves the house without that g*n, and she drinks her coffee black.

- Couldn't have called ahead?

- I thought you were in bed!

Besides...

you love surprises!

Oh, my!

I never should have touched that goo!

- I'm so sorry, Wynonna!

- Hell fire shall quicken against your flesh and devour your soul, dragging you into its everlasting depths!

Come on!

I said I was sorry!

- So your hand was severed.

- Yeah, but it grew back.

It grew it back like an evil starfish.

And now it's in Wynonna and controls everything that she is.

With k*ller instincts and a magical g*n.

A g*n she cannot touch.

Not while the demon abides.

Well, Black Badge must be able to do something, right?

- We could call HQ?

Moody?

- I'm still on their Do Not Resuscitate list.

OK, BBD is not returning my calls.

They never received the briefcase.

So since then it's been radio silence.

Thanks for that.

- Well, we need to do something.

- It would be helpful if we could get a sample of the substance - that Waverly originally touched.

- The tentacle goo?

It was at the arch.

Where Willa d*ed.

Doc?

Well, we could take my new car.

It's got a cassette player!

Hey, and I hope I don't need to stress this, but don't touch the goo.

Oh, I don't even take free samples at the grocery store anymore.

Any residue will be long gone.

- It'll keep them occupied.

- Yeah, this is a bit too familiar, even for Purgatory.

The report said it was defeated in Budapest.

Yeah, and the office went dark two weeks later.

- That night in Kabul.

- It's been tracking me ever since.

I remember seeing it last year during an exorcism.

In an obsidian mirror.

You can't even say its name.

Mikshun.

There's never been - a successful unbinding.

- Under the right circumstances, it could spread through an entire population.

- Well we need to prove it.

- That means blood, tissue bone.

She hates me anyways.

We both know it has to be me.

You finally met Wynonna Earp.

She is infected.

The final one under Mikshun's influence.

The Heir could be an ally.

Ally?

I have neither the patience nor the time to babysit the latest Earp.

She has people who care about her, Ewan.

- Could be they find a way.

- And give the demon a chance to multiply?

Again?

I have lost two men this month, and the rest of us...

are exhausted.

No one promised light work.

OK.

An insignia seal has been exposed.

Broken.

Would you happen to know anything about that?

We all have a role to play.

The Heir and her position should not be taken lightly.

The Order appreciates your guidance, Juan Carlo.

We always have...

but they follow my word.

We end it tonight.

Playing the good cop, Xavier?

Predictable.

We gonna talk, demon to demon?

'Cause I got places I gotta be.

How about you vacate her body and then, maybe, I might call you a cab?

And lose this sweet ride?

Have you seen these curves up close?

Hm?

Oh, wait.

You haven't.

Not yet.

But you know, that can be arranged.

For a price.

You're not her.

I'll be anything you want me to be.

How 'bout quiet?

- You don't have the stones.

- I don't have a choice.

What...

you wouldn't!

You wouldn't mutilate her, your darling Wynonna...

- Waverly regenerated.

- Hm, she was special that way.

That trick won't work on your girl.

You're lying.

Please.

Dolls, please.

There's another way.

There has to be another way.

You can find it.

Please.

Dolls!

Do it.

I'm sorry.

Ah!

Did she cry?

- I bet she cried.

- Just make this worthwhile.

If you really want what's best for her, we bring her into HQ.

So they can dissect her?

Not a chance.

I doubt there's a happily-ever-after here.

OK?

Dolls, be smart.

We deliver Wynonna to Black Badge, we are both finally in the clear.

Otherwise?

We're done.

She stays here until this is over.

One way or another.

I got you the sample.

Now analyze it.

Do you think demon goo leeches into soil or evaporates?

Oh, chemistry is not my department.

Is that why you hired hottie mixologist?

Oh, you think she's hot?

You expecting a friend?

Oh, for the love of Pete.

This is the gentleman who gave Dolls a lift back to town.

- Probably saved his life.

- I did nothing so heroic.

I'm quite unable.

Seems a waste of precious time, the two of you out here.

And how we spend our time matters to you because...

No demon residue left here to find.

The Order took care of that.

Sorry, who are they?

And do you think they might share?

Holliday met them this morning.

The muscled-up firefighters.

What do they want - with demon goo?

- They're a danger - to one of yours.

- Wynonna.

- Mortal danger.

- Wait, so what do we do?

Give them something that they want more.

He disappeared.

Yeah.

He does that.

It's infuriating.

Now what do we have that the Order might want?

Got it.

There's like nine different plants you can use to unbind a demon from the host.

What do you got, Lucado?

- Do you hear that?

- Hear what?

It's whispering.

No...

singing?

Back away now.

Black Badge won't have me.

I don't wanna be alone.

Jeannie, don't.

Jeannie.

Lucado!

Home.

We are legion once more.

Hey.

OK.

Look, we're gonna take a walk - over to the holding cell, OK?

- Yes, we are.

To free my other.

Dolls...

get back.

Don't let it touch you.

Oh, Dolls!

You did it!

Of course not!

Whoa, no, no.

Of course not.

She...

touched the goo, and it turns out - she wasn't as resilient as you.

- Or it's getting stronger.

Mikshun.

Its name is Mikshun.

Like that time I put a can of pasta in the microwave.

Doc!

She was a human being.

Wait.

Where did she get some goo?

Come.

OK, so I found this compound that shocks the nervous system, right?

It makes the demon think it's in a dying body, and then it abandons it.

But then what?

I mean, Wynonna won't be able to fire Peacemaker to k*ll it.

Well, between my revolvers and his p*stol - we can slow it down, though.

- Did you see the tentacle last time?


I mean, no offence to your p*stol, - but it won't leave a scratch!

- Waverly...

just look around you, OK?

We gotta get this thing out of Wynonna.

Fast.

How we doin' on ingredients?

Well, um, we got...

sage brush, sandalwood, and tamarisk.

We got all the stuff, just need a container.

Well, say no more.

Might need a rinse.

Had a chance to regroup with your ginger pop tart?

I might've caused some trouble.

We're running out of time.

She's a boring cop.

You...

are not boring.

I don't wanna ruin the surprise...

but you've got dark corners that you haven't explored yet.

I'm not enough to save you, Wynonna.

OK, are we having a moment?

Hey.

But you're enough to save me.

Huh?

No, if you're gonna sob, you're gonna have to sob louder.

- I trust you.

- What?

Ow!

There is only one way to make it stop and you know what it is, Mikshun!

Oh!

Ah!

Waverly Earp, you crafty fox!

Mm.

I'm flattered.

Now we'll always be together.

We heard screams.

- Storm's coming.

- Stop her.

Stop her!

We need to get to the homestead.

I know its plan.

It's gonna build an army, starting with Waverly.

She took it back.

- On purpose.

- Why would Waverly do that?

Because I have Peacemaker...

and I'm gonna save her.

It's Mikshun!

We're looking for the Heir.

That's just some girl.

That girl has the demon inside her, which will spread like a virus if we don't destroy it.

Oh, right.

You.

History books will have no mention of our names or our deeds.

We've lost too many brothers in this fight...

but there is no higher calling than protection, and there is no greater service than preservation.

Tonight, we will eliminate one more thr*at.

One more demon.

Tonight, we will sacrifice one...

for the good of the many.

For the good of the many.

For the good of the many!

For the good of the many!

Look, I know you need space and I really tried to stay away, but I got worried, and there's signs of struggle in the house, and Waverly, what the hell is this...

thing?

- Stop!

Stop!

- What!?

Are you kidding?

There is a thunder-snow storm coming.

This thing is gonna attract lightning like crazy.

The whole barn could go up in flames!

- Empty your bottles, boys.

- She touches that thing in the barn during a lightning strike, the demon will be fused with her body forever.

Not another step, Mikshun.

Out of my way, Renaissance fair.

Baby!

Baby, what is it?

- In the shadow of eternal life.

- Holy water?

- She's not a vampire!

- The ground is now consecrated.

You will not get through.

It's Wynonna!

She's possessed!

Like, demon took over her body, planning to k*ll - us all, possessed.

- Did she hurt you?

Yeah.

- Wynonna...

not like this.

- I will sh**t every beak-billed, leg day-loving last one of you.

Where is she?

- On the homestead?

- Yeah.

Hey!

Listen, we all wanna send this Mikshun back to Hell, right?

We got the emollient that works.

All you gotta do is just...

let us through.

This one's possessed, as is the one in the barn, and tonight, they'll both die.

The hell we will!

I've got you now, OK?

I swear, I've got you.

I don't have time for your weekend survivalist militia.

If I was possessed, could I do this?

Ah!

I'm gonna say no.

Now move.

We've never been so close to the complete eradication of Mikshun, and we are not taking any more chances.

So your sister will be, unfortunately, collateral damage.

Don't ever say "collateral damage" when you're talking about my sister.

Hold up.

Hold up.

- What the hell is he doing?

- Don't you trust him?

Always.

Everybody just stay calm, all right?

Stay calm.

We have something they want.

Let us through...

and it's yours.

Only the Heir.

You have 15 minutes.

After that, your sister's head will roll.

You've made an enemy this Friday.

It's Tuesday.

Good to know.

Step away from the lightning rod.

Stand back, Wynonna.

Waverly told me everything.

You come forward, and I'm...

I'll sh**t.

Haught, settle down.

The demon jumped into Waverly.

- She needs to drink this.

Now.

- Don't trust her.

Yeah.

Flask, demon did its homework.

Nicole!

You are not my sister's keeper.

- That's the demon talking.

- No.

It's me.

Listen, I'll admit, you're...

a little "queen brisk of bossy town" for my taste, but I know that you love her and you know I love her too, and now that thing is trying to keep her.

sh**t her.

It's the only way.

Waverly Earp would never say something like that.

- Never.

- Ugh.

- You're weak.

- Oh Waverly, let her help you.

Waverly, honey.

Babe.

I know you're in there.

I know you can hear me.

Look what you did to the woman you love.

Oh...

storm's upon us.

- It's time.

- You've held off this tentacle sh*t head for weeks.

Just give it one more push.

Drink it.

- Fight it.

- It...

it...

it won't...

won't let me.

- Waverly...

- Wynonna!

Remember when you made me drink grape soda 'til it came out of my nose?

Yeah!

Open your mouth!

Open it!

OK!

Drink!

Drink it!

Come on!

Swallow!

OK!

Oh!

Mikshun...

I'd say make your peace...

but I hope you never find any.

It is done.

We're just gonna take your word for it.

Oh, Waverly.

Get up.

Sh.

Whoa.

That was so New Year's 2012.

I can't believe I ordered you to sh**t her.

I almost did it, too.

I would sh**t anybody for you.

That's really sweet.

Come on.

- Let's get her in the house.

- Thank you for saving our girl.

That thing took Willa.

Wasn't letting it get Waverly.

I knew you'd rescue me.

All I did was bring a flask.

It's...

it's just standard Earp operating procedure.

Yeah.

You said some nasty things.

Well, that was the demon talking.

I don't believe all of it.

Wait, what do you mean, "all of it"?

Oh, Jeremy!

Jeeze.

Back so soon, huh?

Yes.

Uh, were you using the industrial cleaners in here?

'Cause that is gonna trigger my eczema something awful.

Hey.

Look, man.

I gotta tell you something, all right?

- No, me first.

- Lucado is dead.

Huh.

Well, we gotta formulate a strategy - on how to approach HQ, so...

- No, no.

OK, about that.

The place was, um...

empty when I got there.

Excuse me?

Dolls...

all of Black Badge is gone.

If you're expecting me to say I'm sorry, I was just doing my job.

What exactly - is your job, Ewan?

- Protecting the innocent.

- Control the Triangle.

- The Ghost River Triangle?

Where the hell have you guys been?

Heh.

Yeah, well, it used to be a lot clearer.

We've lost a lot of good men ever since your sister crossed the boundary.

Opened the gateway to the Sanctuary.

So just so there's no more misunderstandings, that was my other sister.

The rightful Heir.

sh*t her myself...

to make sure it was over.

It's not.

So...

The Order, eh?

A colleague of mine suggested we could be allies.

I have enough friends.

Well, that's perfect then, 'cause I wasn't asking to be friends.

Just take care of my briefcase...

for now.

I thought you were staying at Nicole's?

Yeah.

No.

I, uh...

I needed to pick something up in town.

Wynonna, um...

when the demon jumped back into me, it was different.

It told me things...

- about you.

- So what, now you know all my secrets?

I'm not sure even you know this one yet.

You OK in there?

You know, I'm here for you...

now and forever.

Wynonna?

What exactly did Mikshun tell you?

Um, it...

said your body wasn't an ideal fit.

It was too crowded.

Wynonna, you're not alone.

You can say that again.
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