04x13 - Lone Wolf

[bunniefuu]

Oatmeal for dinner?

But we just had it for breakfast.

And lunch.

The bland hasn't even left my mouth yet.

Good evening, campers.

I'm sure y'all are wondering why you've been eating so much oatmeal today.

No, Chef Jeff isn't going through another weird phase like the time he tried to reinvent the sandwich.

Bread on the inside was not the gamechanger he thought it would be.

Actually, we have a chance at a very prestigious sponsorship from...

Matteo, drumroll please.

If you're relying on me to win over the crowd for you, then you've already lost.

No longer my favorite.

It's Moose Rump's own Gordon's Oatmeal.

Hey?

Oh, come on, you've seen the billboard: "Gordon's Oatmeal, because you're out of eggs!" Catchy.

Really drives home the point that you've got better options.

They've offered to provide the camp with a large supply of oatmeal, and if things go well, a big ol' pile of money.

I'll be taking pictures of everyone's honest oatmeal reactions.

So, don't be shy about how much you love it.

[Blows]

Ooh!

[Coughs]

Lou, I think the oatmeal went bad.

[Sniffs]

[Coughs]

Wait.

It's Finn that went bad!

You do smell even worse than usual.

Every once in a while I like to take an extended break from showers.

I call it a "cleanse cleanse." To think, I almost went to acting camp and missed out on this incredible journey.

♪ Kikiwaka Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka!

♪ What are you two doing here?

Coming to the Mess Hall to find anything to eat that's not oatmeal.

You?

Same.

[Sniffs]

[Scoffs]

Although, I think I lost my appetite.

Finn, you smell like the dumpster at a seafood restaurant.

Ah...

then I've hit stage three.

[Clattering]

Quiet.

[Object clattering]

Whoever's stealing food in the kitchen must have rigged these as an alarm.

Maybe it's just another camper looking for an oat-free meal.

I'll go check.

Gwen, you don't have to.

Have to?

I've been at this camp all summer without getting to wrestle a single person into submission.

Mama's gonna scratch an itch.

[Growls]

Ahhh!

[Grunts]

[Straining]

[Gasps]

Oh!

[Sighs]

Jasper?

[Chuckles]

Hey there, sis.

I didn't know she had a brother.

I didn't know her real name was "Sis." So you woke me up in the middle of the night to meet your brother?

Yeah, my brother Jasper's here from the city.

Wait, why are you here from the city?

Shouldn't you be with Mom and Dad?

I'm just visiting a few days.

I miss my little sister...

All: Aw!

And the way we used to hunt and skin badgers together.

All: Ew.

Hi, I'm Ava.

Stand down!

No, no, she's just trying to say hi.

Not establish dominance.

Pro tip.

Next time you approach a stranger, bring a gift of food or bare your throat.

You seem fun.

Well, while you're here you can stay with us in Grizzly Cabin.

Sleep indoors with other people?

Gwen, tell them that's just making it easy on the predators.

They can get an appetizer, entree, and dessert all in one place.

[Excitedly]

Yes!

I got dessert.

When I first got here I thought sleeping indoors was weird, too.

And now I like it.

Sometimes I just lie awake for hours watching Destiny sleep.

Pardon?

Okay, it's been a long night for all of us.

So a cup of hot oatmeal for everybody and then right off to bed.

All: Ugh!

Your loss.

This batch has raisins.

Ah!

Raisins.

The food everyone hates to improve the food everyone hates.

[Machine whirring]

Matteo, come on.

Sorry.

I was just adding volume to this adorable mop.

You're gonna make us late to dinner.

So?

It's just going to be oatmeal again.

Sure, but if you rub a little in your armpits at night, you're in for a sweet stink come morning.

I'm so close to stage four, I can taste it.

How can you stand to be so filthy?

Honestly, it's easier than being as clean as Matteo.

Being clean is easy.

Every morning I just have to shower, blow dry my hair, brush my teeth, floss, moisturize, swab my ears, and pumice my feet.

Then, do it all again before bed.

You should really give the smelly lifestyle a try.

How about this?

If you can go five days without showering, I'll shower more often.

Wait.

Really?

Oh, no.

Guys, please don't do this.

I'm begging you.

My nose begs you.

You've got a deal.

I won't shower for five days.

What is with you two?

Why do you keep finding ways to make puberty more difficult?

Boy, are y'all in for an oat-tastic meal tonight.

To start, we have oatmeal crusted chicken with an oatmeal glaze, and a side of sprouted oats, and for dessert, everyone's favorite cookie, snickerdoodle.

Just kidding, it's oatmeal.

Lou!

I can't believe it.

I know.

The versatility of the mighty oat is humbling, isn't it?

What?

No.

I did some digging on Gordon's and it turns out they waste a ton of food.

What do you mean?

They pride themselves on selling only the best oatmeal, so they throw out any batches that aren't perfect.

So, they have high standards.

Food waste has a massive environmental impact, and they're sending perfectly good oatmeal to the Moose Rump Dump.

Which is a very cute name for a very sad place.

Well, you do have a point.

So, you'll call off the sponsorship?

Oh, no, I can't do that.

[Chuckles]

[Cell phone rings]

Sorry, gotta take this.

Camp Kiki-oatmeal.

Oh, yeah, she's right here.

Gwen, it's for you.

By the way, we have a phone in the office, so, maybe you can quit giving out my personal number.

Hello?

Hey there.

Room for one more?

I'm baring my throat.

No offense, but, I prefer to eat alone.

That way no one can see where I bury my leftovers.

Respect.

Concern, but respect.

It's Mom and Dad.

They called?

Yeah.

They're looking for you.

They say you ran away.

Okay.

And I'm really sorry.

Mom and Dad said I could stay for the rest of the week.

Why would you run away?

I came to get you to go back to the woods with me.

What?

Why?

I can't stand the city.

And I figured you'd be just as miserable here.

Being around so many people is terrible.

Ugh.

Tell me about it.

Not helping.

Not trying.

I'm not miserable.

Didn't you make any friends in the city?

I tried.

It didn't go well.

I met four kids named Hunter and not one of them was one.

But they're important.

I've made a bunch of best friends here.

And one enemy.

Elijah.

[Growls]

Still, I don't know what I'd do without my friends.

Exactly!

You lose all your self-reliance.

It's better just to depend on yourself.

No, it's not.

While you're here let me show you.

Please?

Okay.

For you.

Great.

And Ava will help.

You're kidding.

You really want my help teaching someone how to make friends?

Of course.

You were a loner once, too.

But now you're a warm, thoughtful, kind person.

You take that back.

Hey, Noah.

Matteo.

Finn.

Overwhelming stench.

Jasper's looking to make some new friends so he's going to crash with you guys for a couple of nights after all.

I don't know.

This cabin smells bad enough to attract every predator for 50 miles.

Yeah, it does kind of smell like a family of farts moved in and d*ed.

Anyway, have fun.

Yay, people!

No!

Wait.

Take me with you.

I'm not one of them.

I don't belong here.

Okay, here's the deal.

If I'm going to stay here, we have to sleep in shifts.

Why?

So someone is awake to warn the others if an animal att*cks.

Or if that doesn't work, smash the limbs with the torsos.

I'll take first watch.

Because I may never sleep again.

[Snoring]

[Scared gasp]

[Sighs in relief]

Finn, okay.

Matteo, okay.

Wolf...

Jasper...

[Growling]

[Screams]

Wolf!

[All screaming]

And that's why you don't fall asleep on watch.

You brought a deadly wild animal into our cabin just to teach us a lesson?

I didn't bring him, I invited him.

He is his own wolf and he makes his own choices.

It's okay.

I'm a vegetarian.

He'll skip over me.

That's not how it works, Finn.

Just because you stopped eating meat doesn't mean you stopped being meat.

I'm speaking calmly so I don't startle the wolf, but just know, I am very upset right now.

In fact, I'm going to scream.

[Softly]

Ahhh!

Fine, I'll leave.

I knew this was a bad idea.

We can't sleep with a wolf in our cabin.

[Exhales]

I call that...

the Jasper Clasper.

Works on bears as well as insomnia.

Anyone else?

No, thank you.

No, thank you.

Uh...

What's this?

Well, I know you're mad at me for not calling off the sponsorship, but I think I have something that might change your mind.

I present to you, the Oat 'N Slide!

Am I supposed to clap, or...

Pa Gordon, beloved founder of Gordon's Oatmeal, is coming at the end of the week to make the sponsorship official.

And when he gets here I'm going to talk to him about finding alternate uses for the imperfect oatmeal so it doesn't go to waste.

Hence...

the Oat 'N Slide!

Matteo, you wanna go first?

I don't know.

Going first doesn't seem very on brand for me.

Of course, it is, you're a pushover.

Fair enough.

Give me a three count.

One...

two...

three.

Huh.

I was hoping for a little more distance.

Lou, just cancel the sponsorship.

I'm sorry, Destiny, but like I said, I can't do that.

So just drop it, okay?

Fine.

I guess you have to do what you have to do.

And so do I.

Well, that sounded ominous.

[Grunting]

This is mushy, and smelly, and warm and...

kind of soothing and...

You know, I don't hate this.

Welcome to the smelly lifestyle, brother.

[Moans]

Today I thought maybe you could try an activity that takes teamwork.

And it just so happens that Noah is leading a scavenger hunt.

Ohh, we're hunting a scavenger?

What are we talking?

Vulture?

Possum?

Desperate human?

No.

That's not what we're talking.

Here, I have a list of things you can find in the woods.

It's a lot of stuff, so we'll really have to work together.

Campers, to the woods.

We go forth as children, but return as...

children with a collection of things.

What are you doing back so fast?

You weren't even gone 10 minutes!

I found everything.

I'm a really good forager.

Also, it wasn't on the list, but...

I got the possum.

[Possum squeaks]

So, you just left everyone?

Noah isn't great in the woods.

Don't worry, they're not far.

I heard someone yell "Bear!" Bear?

Noah: Bury me with my trombone.

Well, Matteo, you win the bet.

You went five days without showering.

I didn't think you had it in you.

And by "it", I mean, whatever that stain is on your pillow.

I don't even know which face hole it came out of!

Well, your turn to shower.

And, I promise through the rest of the summer I'll bathe the normal amount.

How much is that?

About showering...

yeah, what if I don't?

What?

It's just that the last few days haven't been so bad, so, I thought...

[Dramatic gasp]

I know that look.

He's got the dirt fever.

I thought I'd die if I ever got this dirty, but I've never felt so alive.

No, no, no.

You heard Finn.

You can shower.

You won the bet.

[Chuckles]

Here, I'll go get your pumice stone.

Quick, somebody tell me what a pumice stone is.

Well, that's it for the tour, Mr.

Gordon.

Can I just say, this camp of yours is pretty as a May peach.

Oh.

That's my exact same folksy opinion.

So, does that mean the sponsorship is official?

Yep.

I'll send over the check today.

♪ Hey-hey!

Ho-ho!

♪ ♪ Hey-hey!

Ho-ho!

♪ ♪ Gordon's Oatmeal's got to go!

♪ Hey-hey!

Ho-ho...

♪ ♪ Ho-ho, hold the phone!

♪ Destiny, what do you think you are doing?

Well, since you won't do anything about Gordon's, we have to.

Well, something stuck in your craw there, little girl?

Um, "Little girl?" [Scoffs]

Okay, we're leaning away from folksy and towards condescending.

The problem is all the oatmeal you waste every year.

Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head about that.

Now, why don't you just run along and go play with your dollies?

The adults here have things to discuss.

[Shrieks]

Okay.

Now we're speeding past condescending and going straight to "Oh, no, you didn't!" I'm done playing.

I have something to say and I will be heard.

Look, nobody here cares about the opinion of some loudmouth kid.

Hold on.

I care.

Really?

You care enough to sacrifice your sponsorship?

[Sighs]

You know what, Pa?

Yes.

I don't like the way you talk to my campers, and I don't like the way you do business.

So you can keep your money.

Big mistake.

And I lied.

This place looks more like an August peach.

[Dramatic gasp]

You monster!

Thanks for doing the right thing, Lou.

Yeah...

the right thing.

What's going on?

This isn't working, Gwen.

So you're leaving?

You promised me you'd try to make friends, and you didn't even try.

I did try.

But I couldn't do the sleepover right, or the scavenger hunt, and the people here don't like me any more than the people the city.

It's time to go home.

To Mom and Dad?

No, to the woods, where we belong.

Are you coming or not?

Jasper, I can't.

My place is here now, with people.

You sure?

Then there's only one thing left to say.

Goodbye.

There's one other thing I have to say.

I'm sorry.

Sorry?

Sorry for what?

For this.

Actually, I'm not sorry.

[Chuckles]

That was really fun.

[Snoring]

What?

Gwen, you Jasper Claspered me!

I prefer to think of it as the Gwen Grip.

I know it doesn't rhyme, but the Gwen Blen didn't make any sense.

So what's your plan now?

You can't leave me tied up here forever.

You're staying here until you realize your problem.

I know what my problem is.

People.

It was better when it was just us.

People aren't the problem.

You are.

You said you would try to make friends, but you've only tried on your terms.

You have to meet people halfway if you want them to like you.

I don't care if they like me.

I told you, I don't need friends.

I think you're just scared.

I'm not scared.

Living with people has made you soft.

The Gwen I used to know didn't need anyone.

Where are you going?

You like being alone so much?

Enjoy.

That's right.

Living with people also made me sassy.

[Knock on door]

Lou?

Is it all right if I come in?

Of course.

Thanks for sticking up for me with Pa Gordon back there.

He's such a jerk.

I just feel sorry for Ma Gordon.

And the Gordon kids: Ma and Pa junior.

You know, I never really wanted to be in business with him anyway.

Then why were you?

Well, the truth is...

we needed his money to keep the scholarship program next year.

You mean, the scholarship program you talked about last summer to help kids who couldn't afford to come to camp?

Yeah.

I made it work.

For one summer, anyway.

But...

I can't afford to do it next year.

Lou, I'm so sorry.

[Sighs in exasperation]

This is all my fault.

I shouldn't have...

Yes, you should've.

You saw something that was wrong and you tried to fix it.

I was so proud of you today.

So, what are we going to do now?

Well...

I'm sure if we put our heads together we can think of something.

Got anything yet?

Nope.

Before we go to bed, I have an announcement.

But first, one question.

Gwen, why is your brother tied to the story post?

I'm teaching him how to make friends.

Well, I guess you can't be sure something won't work until you try it.

As I'm sure most of you have heard we've lost the Gordon's sponsorship...

[All cheering]

No, don't cheer.

I thought you hated that sponsorship.

That's because I didn't know it was going to save the scholarship program.

Without it, some of us won't be here next summer.

Destiny, you don't have to...

Lou...

you shouldn't have to do this on your own.

You're our camp director, but you're also our friend, and you help your friends.

Here.

This is the candy money my parents gave me for the summer.

It's not much, but I want the scholarship program to have it.

That's very sweet, but...

And here's my laundry money.

I won't be needing it.

Uh, uh.

Wait.

Are you sure?

Why don't you hold on to some of it?

Jasper: Psst.

Hey, Gwen.

You can't see it, but I'm waving you over.

What's going on over there?

They're donating their money to help the scholarship campers.

What's a scholarship camper?

Me.

I'm one of them.

Mom and Dad couldn't afford to send me to camp.

The only reason I get to be here is because people helped me.

But why would they do that?

Like Destiny said, it's what friends do.

It's good to be able to depend on yourself.

But, it's also good to know you don't always have to.

I guess having friends might be more important than I thought.

And you've made so many.

I'm...

kind of jealous.

You can make friends, too.

You just have to give it a real chance.

But, what if I can't?

What if I try...

really try to make friends...

and no one likes me?

You were right...

I'm scared.

I was scared, too.

But my big brother, who's brave enough to tame wild wolves, can definitely be brave enough to put himself out there.

Right?

Wow.

These people made you sassy and smart.

Well, I was already smart.

Not smart enough.

Have you been working on those knots this whole time?

Mmm.

I undid them, like, 30 seconds ago, but, you were on a roll.

What are you doing?

Finally putting myself out there.

Jasper: Here.

Take this.

It's just a few things I've collected over the years.

Ohhh.

That's so nice of you, Jasper, but I can't take your...

gold tooth and...

pretty rocks, and...

Yeah.

That's a human fingernail.

Wait...

Is this a Rumpence?

Cue nerdy explanation in three...

two...

A Rumpence is a coin that was minted in Moose Rump over 200 years ago.

It's really valuable.

So, what you're saying is...

[Excitedly]

the fingernail's up for grabs.

Where did you find this?

He's a really good forager.

Will it help?

Let's just say, dramatic pause...

the scholarship program is saved.

[All cheering]

[All chanting]

Jasper!

Jasper!

Jasper!

Congratulations, you just made your first friends.

Bring it in, bro!

Do all friends smell like this?

No.

That one's just special.

Thanks for letting us camp with you, Jasper.

We can't sleep in the cabin with Matteo anymore.

Hey, I get it.

I once spent a blizzard huddled inside a rotting moose carcass, and Matteo smells way worse.

Oh, come on, it's not that bad.

Not that bad?

You k*lled my plant.

It was plastic.

Do we think he's hit level five?

I thought that was only possible in theory.

Quick, someone call science.

Sorry, but I like the way I smell and I'm not changing.

Matteo, I've been meaning to tell you, you smell terrible.

[Horrified]

I have to take a shower!