03x12 - Fast Times At Bayview High

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, racing fans.

I am off to my first race of the season.

Oh, yeah. I keep forgetting you're a race car driver.

Have a safe trip, honey.

Are you wearing my good-luck charm?

Yes.

It is riding up my butt.

I have so many questions.

That I do not want answers to.

We're back from the fertility clinic.

Hopefully, we made an embryo.

So, how did it go?

Well, Jimmy certainly enjoyed being a donor.

He wants to go back for his birthday.

Now we just for the doctor to call with the news.

I've got a good feeling about this.

You've had a lot of good feelings today.

Mankowski stopped by for some bacon.

And to say hi to my favorite mom.

I'm gonna meet a lot of new girls in high school, but they will mean nothing to me.

Well, I'm flattered.

And uncomfortable.

I can't believe that was our last sleepover.

I can't believe your dad took that job in Fresno.

Can I get a group hug from my favorite family?

Aw, Lola.

Okay. Hug time's over.

You'll always be my first love.

And you'll always be my first...

Jackson.

Goodbye, everybody.

See you later. - Bye, Lola.

Well, time to go. —Hey.

Since your BFF is gone, you can hang out with me and Mankowski.

Thanks, guys, but I'm trying out for the dance team, which I'll obviously make, which means I'll have a whole new squad of friends by lunch.

Aw... My baby girl is starting high school.

Aw... And so is my baby boy.

It's okay. I'm here for you.

Girls, here comes Chad.

Hello, ladies.

I'm Chad Brad Bradley, dance team captain.

Okay, I'll demo some original Chad Brad Bradley choreog.

Don't you mean choreo?

No. Choreog.

The "og" makes it cooler.

Now try this.

Oh, Genie in a Boftle by Christina. I love the oldies.

But if you wanted, you could take this move, and then add this move, and give it an original spin.

Literally. Get it?

Are you trying to teach Chad Brad Bradley how to dance?

Ooh!

I just thought you'd wanna update your choreo... og.

Because all your moves are from the '90s.

All right, I'm gonna make my first round of cuts, starting with...

You...

And ending with...

You.

This isn't fair.

You know what isn't fair? Is this hair, and these calves.

Fine.

Matt.

Hi. Oh.

Thank goodness you're back. I've been so worried.

I haven't heard a thing from you since Japan.

Where have you been? And why are you so tan?

Well, I just spent eight days in Bora Bora, where I fell madly in love with someone really special...

Me.

Oh, well, I'm very happy for the both of you.

It's all so clear now.

Matthew Harmon doesn't need possessions.

Or a job.

Matthew Harmon just needs Matthew Harmon.

This is about our breakup in Japan, isn't it?

No. No.

You and I are totally cool.

But by the way, this whole pet care thing?

Been there, done that. So, I quit.

What?

Yeah, consider this my two weeks' notice.

I'm going back to the islands to open a snorkel and taco shop

called Matt's Snorkel and Taco Shop.

Can we have a real conversation here?

This is the realest that I've ever been.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I gotta go read a book on how to make tacos.

Jackson, I'm loving high school.

There's all-you-can-eat banana pudding.

And most of the girls have boobies.

Hey, yeah, never say "boobies" again.

What are we supposed to call them?

That's not something you guys are gonna have to worry about.

Just try not to embarrass yourself on your first day.

If you start off a dork, you'll graduate a dork.

Don't worry, I'm gonna play it real cool.

Because someday, I'm gonna rule this...

Dude. You slipped on a piece of mayonnaise—slathered baloney. Awesome.

Jackson Fuller, do not move.

It appears you have slipped on a piece of mayonnaise—slathered baloney.

Hold that.

Mr. Byenberg, I'm fine, really.

No. Remain prone...

Until the school nurse can assess you.

Oh, man. "Baloney Boy" is already trending.

Jackson, hold this.

Everybody say, "Baloney Boy."

Baloney Boy.

Ah, you're finally home. I made cookies.

So, tell me all about your first day.

It sucked.

I slipped on a piece of baloney. I'm the joke of the school, and now I'm gonna be Baloney Boy until I graduate.

Better than your first day of junior high, when Mom had to bring you backup pants.

So, Jackson had a baloney mishap.

Can't say I'm surprised.

But I know you crushed it.

No, I got crushed.

I was cut from the dance team.

No.

And then I ate lunch all alone. —No.

In the janitor's closet.

Shut up.

That's exactly what the janitor said when I tried to tell him about my day.

Did I hear Ramona?

Yes.

She got cut from the dance team.

No.

And she had to eat alone.

No.

And a janitor was mean to her.

Shut up.

That's exactly what the janitor said.

Ramona needs our help.

And it's gonna require serious meddling.

But I hate to meddle.

You love to meddle.

Oh, yeah, that's right. I knew it was one or the other.

You know, Matt, if you're really quitting, this could be your last feline cleaning ever.

Yep. And I'm okay with that.

Who's that? We're closed for lunch.

Maybe I forgot to lock the door.

Who was it?

I don't know. But they left this giant box.

Oh! That's probably the 400 snorkels that I ordered.

"Please find a good home for Kathy.

"She enjoys belly rubs and rotisserie chickens.”

Why do people always drop their crazy pets here?

Maybe it's time to rethink that "All Animals Welcome" sign.

I know. We'll just lure Kathy to the other side of the room, and we'll run out.

Okay. Okay, good idea. Alligators aren't very smart.

Except that one.

Hello.

I just checked into my hotel in Monte Carlo, but I forgot to tell someone to water my tulips.

No. No.

Not now, Fernando. Matt and I are trapped in here.

Oh, that must be very awkward after your terrible breakup.

No, no. There's an alligator in the office.

I believe the phrase is, "There's an elephant in the room."

No, really. It's an alligator.

It's an elephant.

Listen to me. There's an alligator in the office.

There is an elephant in the room.

Alligator.

If you don't believe me, perhaps you will believe Siri.

Siri, is the expression "Alligator in the office,” or is it "Elephant in the room”?

Hello? Hello?

How rude.

Man, I just fixed that cracked screen.

Oh, I have an idea.

Uh, they're reptiles... —Yes.

And they sleep when it's cold.

Crank up the AC. —Yes. It's over there.

So, you reach over the alligator, and I'll hold onto your leg so you don't fall into its deadly jaws.

Why don't you reach over the alligator's deadly jaws and I'll hold your leg? I won't drop you.

You already dropped me in Japan.

Yeah, I'll do it. —Okay.

Okay. —All right.

Matt... —Here you go.

Okay. Yeah.

Okay, bring me back. —Okay.

Carefully. —Okay. I got you.

Yes. —Yes.

Go smuggle me a meatball sub.

I'll be in the janitor's closet with Ramona.

Why don't you give this one more sh*t?

I think you'll be surprised.

Are all those girls looking at me?

Yep.

To counteract Baloney Boy, I started a new rumor that you were the best kisser at Bayview High.

Really? Me?

Well, I only kissed Lola twice.

And once was on New Year's Eve, so, that doesn't even count.

Well, according to the internet, you are now Full Lips Fuller.

And you're a make-out legend.

Go on, make their day. Blow them a little kiss.

Wow.

This is awesome.

I'm fake news.

So, you're Full Lips Fuller.

I think these rumors about your kissing skills are bogus.

No, they're not.

Google me. I've got mad kissing skills.

That's what I heard.

Then prove it.

Kiss me right now.

Right now?

But we're not in a committed relationship.

Are you Full Lips Fuller? Or are you Baloney Boy?

Oh, I'm Full Lips Fuller.

Mankowski, yell "Happy New Year." It puts me in the mood.

Happy New Year!

Whoa, Barbie.

I'll find out.

Wow.

My lips need to sit down.

The rumors are true.

Well, when you're through with the human Bratz doll, DM me on Insta.

Oh, man. Thanks for lying for me.

I wasn't lying.

You weren't bad.

Really? Well, you weren't so bad yourself.

Ah!

I don't need a man to validate me.

How'd you do it?

Show me.

I'm not gonna show you.

It's so cold. I wonder if Kathy's getting sleepy.

Apparently not.

It's too bright in here. —Yeah.

Maybe if we cover her eyes, she'll think it's night.

Oh, yeah. Let's give it a sh*t. Switch me.

Okay.

Okay.

Good toss.

Hey, you already made shirts?

Yeah, they turned out pretty nice.

$24.99, if you want one.

Okay. Never mind. On the count of three, we'll run out together.

One, two, three.

Oh!

Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Bring it in.

Oh.

That was a good plan, Deej. —Yeah.

Thanks, Matt.

Yeah.

We were a pretty good team in there.

Are you sure you wanna walk away from Harmon-Fuller Pet Care?

Look, I just don't know if I can work with you, Deej.

‘Cause the truth is, I still really care about you.

And I still really care about you, too.

But I don't know if I can see you every day if we're not together.

I know this is hard.

But we are such great friends, and great partners, and it...

It would be heartbreaking not to be in each other's lives.

Isn't there some way we could work this out?

I don't know.

I'm gonna need some time to see how I feel.

You mind holding down the fort?

No.

I understand.

But I do hope you come back.

We built this business together.

Wouldn't be the same without you.

You don't think an alligator can open a door, do you?

She did close it.

Yo, yo, yo.

Wassup, Mona-G?

Oh, God. Please tell me you're not here.

Oh, I'm here.

I can't let my A-One since Day-One eat alone.

It's me, Max.

Yeah, I know. Everyone is staring at us.

What are you haters looking at?

Mind your own beeswax.

What? The haters gonna hate, the players gonna play.

Oh, this could not get more embarrassing.

Wassup, holla backs?

And yet, it is more embarrassing.

Oh, hey, look. It's my cool friend, Ramona Gibbler.

I'm gonna sit with her, because that makes me cool by association.

That's how high school works.

I should know, because I'm in high school.

What are you guys doing here?

Whatever it is, I can't fix this.

What do we got here?

Lamest rappers ever.

Too small and too old.

Whatevs.

B-T-Dubs, I'm A-D-D and down with OCD.

Yeah, you know me.

I'm the notorious Kimmy-G.

You wanna step up?

Bring it on and cut footloose, because no one puts Ramona Gibbler in the corner.

Where'd she go?

She's in the corner.

Ramona. Get over here.

Can I do anything to stop this?

You wish.

Hey, rapping granny.

Yeah, Channing Tater Tots?

Are you challenging me to a dance battle?

I'm not. But my daughter is.

Your daughter?

Yeah. I'm a teen mom.

It's a struggle, but she's worth it.

And she wants to go to w*r. Dance w*r.

Oh, it's on.

Dance team, assemble.

One, two, three, four.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Wow.

What do you got, Slim Jim?

Dance team, assemble.

Yeah.

No. —No.

Come on. —No.

Come on. Here we go.

—Yeah. - Good luck.

Five, six, seven, eight.

What's up?

Holler.

Dance team, disassemble.

Come on.

Come on. —Hey.

Chad stumbled.

He never stumbles.

It's a new move...

Called "the Stumble.” Chad Brad Bradley, don't move.

I'm completely fine.

I got you.

I don't remember you ordering, but you just got served.

Ooh...

Yeah, boy.

Fine. Your kid's good.

She can be on the team.

Ramona's on the team.

Five, six, seven, eight.

And sparkle. And sparkle.

And spin. And spin.

And spank, spank, spank, spank.

Come on, everybody. —Mr. Byenberg?

And sparkle. And spin. And spin.

And spank, spank, spank, spank.

Yee—haw!

All right, guys. Crank it up.

That could be the doctor.

She's right. That could be the doctor.

That could be the doctor.

I know. That could be the doctor.

Oh! It is the doctor.

This is Stephanie?

Yes?

No.

Yes.

Okay.

Well? —What did she say?

We have three viable embryos.

Three viable embryos? That's so much better than two.

Yay!

Oh, my gosh.

Congratulations. —I'm so excited.

Okay.

Jimmy, this just got real.

I mean, if this baby really happens, this is a lifetime commitment.

So, I'm giving you one last chance to back out.

I'm not backing out.

I'm in this thing 100%.

Hold on. Uh...

Sorry, little guy, I need this more than you do.

Stephanie "Steph" Tanner, I, James "Jimmy" Gibbler vow to be your baby daddy.

To diaper and to swaddle, to burp and to bathe...

To figure out what he just said.

Tickle and to tuck in, until never do us part.

Oh, Jimmy.

We're gonna have to get it sized, but...

But I love it.

Aw. You may now kiss your baby mama.

Aw...

I'm happy for you guys.

Oh, yay! Congratulations.

Oh, yes. So happy for you.

What? I'm throwing Rice...

Krispies.

Mazel fov.

Shalom.

Salud.