04x02 - Trick

[bunniefuu]

[TV STATIC]

[BRIGHT TONE]

(METAL CLANKING) (DOG BARKS)

(SIREN WAILS)

(CLANKING CONTINUES) (THE GUY SIGHS)

(BARKS)

(WHIMPERS) What?

(PHONE BUZZES)

You know the drill. It's just gonna take a second.

(FOMO YELPS)

(WHINING)

It's just one second. (YELPS, WHIMPERING)

Really?

Hey. Hey.

So sorry I'm late, man. It's been very nuts. That's okay.

Oh, do you mind if I bring my dog?

She's a sweet potato. Uh, yeah, that's fine.

Okay, cool. Thank you.

It's, uh, shoes off, right? Yeah. Thanks.

(BARKS)

Oh, jeez. Sorry! I'm so sorry. No, no, no. It's fine.

Can I use your bathroom? Uh, yeah. Do you remember...?

It's this way, right? Just... Yeah, on the left.

Sorry. I'm a mess today, man. It's all right.

Dealer's choice. All right.

That's me. Your choice.

(LAUGHS) (FOMO BARKING)

THE GUY: Hey. Fomo, shush. (PHONE BLOOPS)

Hey, shush. Um...

OG Kush? Yeah, that... up, right here.

Oh. It's all up front. Here you go.

I will... that's fine.

Um, yeah, and I'll take one of these.

Sativa? Mm-hmm.

Okay. (BARKING CONTINUES)

(PHONE BUZZES) You're good, man.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

THE GUY (GASPS): Fomo!

f*ck, man. I'm so sorry.

Oh. You know, um, it's okay.

No, it's not okay. Here's a tiny refund.

Fomo, what are you doin'?

This is a shoes-off house.

("THE STAGE" BY SHURA PLAYING) ♪ Are we gonna kiss? ♪

♪ Excited ♪

♪ I promised you my lips ♪

(SIGHS)

♪ In writing ♪

♪ Take me by the hand ♪

♪ And lead me through the room ♪

♪ And it's so romantic ♪

♪ And I'm so pathetic ♪

♪ I can't see the stage ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm looking at you ♪

♪ Done with music, babe ♪

♪ We're done with music ♪

♪ Done with music, babe ♪

(DOORBELL RINGS)

Hey. Uh, hey.

Um...

Oh, would you mind taking your shoes off? Totally.

Thanks.

You can just put them right here.

I got it. Uh, so, where are you comin...

Could I use your bathroom? Sure. It's right down here.

I'm over on Irving. Oh. So that's pretty close.

♪ Nothing lasts forever and I told you ♪

♪ Everything you need to know is not true... ♪ Oh. Word. Thanks.

Yeah. Uh, that's for you too.

Thank you. Cool. Cool. Cool.

Thanks. Right on.

Uh, you want a glass of wine, or some of this?

Nah, I'm good.

(BACKPACK ZIPS)

How old are you? I'm 35.

Oh, for real? I'm 33.

Gah... What?

I'm usually going to Manhattan, and the guys are always old and married and white.

And you're like my age and gay.

I'm assuming you're gay.

(CHUCKLES) Yeah. I am.

Cool. Cool. Cool. It's just buggin' me out a bit.

Oh. Do you go out around here?

I feel like I've seen you.

Yeah. Is that okay? Yeah, yeah. Just... give me a second.

Okay.

You know what? Maybe I will hit that.

Oh. Here you go.

Where's your room?

Whoa. What's all this?

Uh, it's some protest in Paris. My roommate's a photographer.

He's not here, is he? No.

Do you... ?

Are these, like, your shades?

Oh, they filter blue light, from screens.

I'm trying to get better at falling asleep.

Do they work? Eh...

I mean, I haven't seen a difference, but, um...

They look better on you. (LAUGHS)

Is this... my look? (LAUGHS) It might be.

Do you use the site a lot?

I'm sorry. Did you wanna get started?

Or is it okay if we talk for a minute? No, yeah, we can talk.

Cool. Do you use the... site a lot?

I wouldn't say a lot, but... yeah, I-I use the site.

And why'd you go for me? Like what are you looking for?

Nothing too crazy.

You know, somethin' chill.

I like how you said you do the whole boyfriend experience.

Do you always hire normal people or do you ever go... the p*rn star route? I've done both.

Cool. Cool.

(CHUCKLES) I'm kind of nervous now, knowing p*rn stars have been in here, like...

"Get on me good..." (LAUGHS) No. Don't be.

'Cause they'd be...

Did they talk as much as me or did they like just...

Look, if you're uncomfortable and you don't wanna do this... No, no. Mmm!

Does my breath... How... Is it okay? What?

I feel like I have hungry breath.

Your place is... is really clean.

It's, like, really clean. I'm kind of scared.

(LAUGHS) No. I mean, it's my roommate.

Mm-hmm. Like, all this stuff is his.

Yeah.

And he's not your boyfriend? Nah. No.

No, we're just roommates.

Okay.

Uh... (CHUCKLES)

Can we go to the bed? Mm-hmm.

(MUTTERS): Oh sh*t.

(SIGHS)

Oh, sh*t. (LAUGHS): Yeah.

What do you want to do?

Kissing is nice. Mmm.

If you suck me, I'll get hard.

Oh. Okay.

Want me to f*ck you, baby? Maybe. I...

Can, um...

Can we just lay here for a bit?

Sure.

(SIGHS)

Can you put your arm around me?

Yeah. Sorry. Yeah, that's good.

I'm sorry. Both arms?

(MACHINE BUZZING NEARBY)

Is that a buzz saw?

It sounds like it.

It's one A.M. Mm-hmm.

(BUZZING CONTINUING)

Is this okay? Mm-hmm.

You're not just cuddling with me

'cause you don't know how to kick me out?

No, no, no, no.

This is... This is great. This is what I wanted.

Good. I wanna make sure that you... Thank you.

... get what you want. (CHUCKLES)

I'm kind of new at this.

(BUZZING CONTINUES)

Again?

Wow. That's disrespectful.

I didn't know this was a construction zone.

Should've worn my vest, and my hard hat...

Okay. Shh... shh...

♪♪

I sat in paint.

Aw.

Bye. Bye, there.

(SIGHS)

WOMAN: And you thought I couldn't carry that precinct.

MAN: I'm man enough to admit that I was wrong.

WOMAN: And I'm woman enough to win.

(MAN LAUGHS): Right?

And then I was thinking of saying, like, everyone's finally gone.

I'm here. Did you vote for me?

No. Don't tell me. Is that right?

Great. And then you kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.

Great. And where are your hands going naturally within the boundaries that we talked about?

NICK: Um, I was thinking here or here.

Depending on camera, like that.

This is, this is good. That's right.

I'm ticklish. Okay. Yeah.

And you can keep it in motion. Right?

You can start finding some comfortable... Can we?

Absolutely you can. That's right. This is the time.

BOTH: Mm-hmm.

And we're jus... That's great.

We're just here for a couple of beats.

Right? And then how do we wanna get to this desk?

Um. I was thinking I could push or, uh... uh, not push but maybe guide her over...

Why don't I just pull you?

Great. I like that. Right?

So she's still in control.

That's right. That's right. This is her office.

Okay. And then there's more kissing here.

Things are heating up.

The breath is going to change. That's right.

And the shirt drops here.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Uh-oh. Shirt drops here. Shirt drops here.

Pants are dropping here.

And I am already... whip-ooh.

Blouse and bra we're removing here.

'Cause I can do a funny zipper...

But I don't want... It doesn't need to be funny, actually, it's very...

Stuck? Yeah.

Well, I don't know 'cause I'll be fully out...

Let's check in with our director on this one. Okay?

Alan, what were you envisioning for this moment?

ALAN: Mm... KYM: Any thoughts?

(NICK AND REBECCA MOANING ON MONITORS)

NICK: Oh my God, I love you. I love you so much!

REBECCA: What?! NICK: I love you so much!

Cut! That's a cut! (CREW CHATTERING)

(BELL RINGS)

CREW WOMAN (OVER RADIO): Covering.

CREWMAN (OVER RADIO): Copy. Covering up.

I know.

I wonder what the sandwich o'clock is today. REBECCA: Oh yeah.

Hi. Yeah. I saw.

Chili. Chili?

Mm-hmm. Beef. Oh, perfect. Yes.

That's exactly what I want on a hot day where I'm sh**ting a sex scene is chili.

Mmm. REBECCA: Mmm. So good.

How are you feeling?

Good. A little hot, but good. Good. Mm-hmm.

How you feeling? NICK: Good. Thank you, Kym.

Mm-hmm. What did we do before Kym?

Ah... (LAUGHTER)

REBECCA: Really?

Hi, this is Kym, the intimacy coordinator.

Hi, yeah. I just wanted to check in about tomorrow.

So as you know, your rider says, there will be simulated vaginal intercourse from behind, over a radiator...

I hear you, but that character would never let you get on top.

But when you're on your back, that high angle, your friend.

Here you go. Oh. Thanks.

I gotcha, girl.

(PHONE BUZZES)

Just shift the body language a tiny bit, that's right.

And this hand is gonna be the discovering hand.

That's lovely.

You can lean in. You close the distance.

Great. And the twist.

Morning. Morning.

Oh, uh. Wardrobe trailer? Right around the corner.

Thank you.

Yeah. No. I spoke with Cristina.

Yup. And she is okay to go topless.

♪♪

CREW WOMAN (ON RADIO): Rolling. Quiet on set.

MAN 1 (OVER TV): But, I, I... Hiyah!

MAN 2: Stop making a fool of yourself.

Now, go to the market!

WOMAN: What? No. You already had two. Put that back.

MAN: Oh, chocolate chip. Looks good.

Good move.

Can't decide?

What? I'm not even hungry.

I just feel like I'm in the way anywhere else.

Do you have high cholesterol?

What? Uh, I...

Oh, um, yeah. I don't know, um...

My-my mom got me this for my birthday.

So maybe I do.

I guess I should ask her. (LAUGHS) Yeah...

I just found out I have high cholesterol.

Oh no. Yeah. I was shocked.

So, you know. Ten hut!

(MAN LAUGHS) What are you doin' on this?

Um, I'm doing sleight of hand in the background of the fund-raiser scene.

Huh! Yeah, it makes like no sense.

Yeah. But, you know...

It sometimes doesn't.

Yeah. And yet, here we are.

(BELL RINGS)

And Steven!

You know Steven Universe? I love Steven Universe!

Oh my God. I do too.

My nephew got me into it, and now I just watch it without him.

Yes! I do too. I watch it all the time! It's the best!

My friends are so sick of me telling them to watch it.

And then they don't watch it. They don't deserve it.

Thank you. You deserve better friends.

(LAUGHS): I agree.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm Kym.

Oh. Sorry. Evan. Hi. Hi.

Um...

So what-what do you do on this?

I'm the intimacy coordinator.

Wow, inti...

I didn't realize intimacy could be coordinated.

Intimacy must be coordinated.

So how do you do it?

Boundaries. Boundaries. Boundaries.

Do you do Seders?

Because my family could use what you're offering.

Why? What's goin' on? What's goin' on up in there?

Oh, just-just boundaries. They don't-they don't have 'em.

And they're-they're, um...

They are angry and they're sad and I-I think they don't respect me much at all.

I'm sorry.

What the hell. What the hell!

What's not to respect about you?

You know. I just...

I bounce around to a lot of jobs, and I think... they don't like the magic.

Uh, the magic got you a film career, got you started in pictures.

(EVAN LAUGHS) Did you, uh, did you tell them that?

I-I think that was a, maybe a one-time thing, but thank you.

So, what do you do when an actor's uncomfortable with something?

They don't have to do it.

I get called in for childbirth scenes, and miscarriage scenes, um... anything where an actor... where they put an actor through it.

You know, because I have a background in trauma therapy, and coaching people through PTSD.

Um... So, if it's not good for you, to have your breast touched, or your butt touched for whatever reason... for whatever reason or for no reason... and you don't have to tell me the reason, then, uh... Guess what?

You don't have to have your breast touched or your butt touched.

We will find another way to tell the story.

Aah, man. I was right up on that soap box, wasn't I?

Sorry. No. Please, you're, um...

I bet people feel really at ease with you.

Thank you.

Whenever you guys are ready. BOTH: Oh...

Uh...

We can... Let's split it. Okay.

But I will pay the tip because I drank.

Oh.

Um, hey, um...

Think of a card.

Oh. All right.

Yes. Mm-hmm. Got it?

Mm-hmm. Now look under your glass.

(WHISPERING): No, no, no. Really?

I'm very excited.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS) And is that your card?

Ah... It's not?

I would like to be honest with you. No, it's okay.

Dang it. It's okay. That's okay. It's not my card, but I wish that it was my card.

Still pretty cool that I got it under there without you seeing it, right? (LAUGHING): Yes!

Ta-da!

(DISTANT SIREN WAILS)

EVAN: Here you go.

Hey. Do you wanna keep hanging out? Yeah.

Yeah? Yeah!

Do you smoke weed? Yes, I do.

Do you wanna come back to my place? Is that okay?

Yeah. Okay. Sure. Okay.

It's just over here. Okay.

Oh my God. Oh my God. It's a nun.

I love a nun in New York. Be cool.

Be cool. Hello!

Good evening!

Great. Creeped out a nun.

Okay. Hmm...

(LAUGHS)

Um... Oops, sorry.

She was beautiful too. Yeah.

But kind of young. Right? Mm-hmm.

I'm just, uh, over here. Oh.

Should she have said hello to me?

(EVAN LAUGHS) KYM: Was that a rude nun?

EVAN: Maybe.

♪♪

All right, will you hold on to this? Yeah.

Will you hold on to this? Yes.

Give them a tug. They don't stretch.

Very fierce. I wanted you to see the muscle.

Solid. I was impressed.

Here. Hold this. I may have over tugged.

That's okay. Watch.

Did you show me this one already?

I don't know, man. Here we go.

Give 'em a blow.

KYM: Was that little? Give 'em a little blow.

(LAUGHTER) More moist than I expected.

That was, um, a whole cloud system. Watch. Here we go.

(GASPS) Wait a minute. Even Steven!

Holy sh*t. Wait a minute!

Two. Uh-huh.

Three. (CLAPPING)

Equality. (LAUGHTER)

Bring up the ends.

Long. Jeez.

Medium... Aah!

(ALL SCREAMING)

It defies this realm! (SCREAMS)

Sorry. (LAUGHTER)

You made me scream.

You made me scream at her.

(LAUGHS)

All right, man, well. I gotta go home.

Gotta let out the dog.

EVAN: Have you always had a dog? No, I just got her.

Oh my God. Fomo.

The dog's name is Fomo?

Or are you saying that you wanna be with her right now?

No. She's... named after my greatest fear.

(LAUGHTER)

You should name all your things after your greatest fear.

See you later, Kym. Bye!

Hey. Your friend's cool. Oh yeah.

Cool. See ya later.

Hey. What's up?

Aah! (LAUGHS)

Watch your ass. Bastard.

KYM: I think I might need your help, now.

I'm calling a friend. EVAN: How may I help you?

See this area here, where there's table? Mm-hmm.

I need the pieces...

Oh, instead of table. I see. Can you find those for me?

Just give it a... Run it up a flagpole. I bet this is part of it.

Thank you. Oh, thank you so much. Thank you.

Is this...

Is this what you do with all the girls?

You... bring them back here to puzzle?

You should know that I'm asexual.

(LAUGHS)

You are?

I should've told you earlier.

I take it you're not? No. Nope.

Uh, little joke, but, uh, I am.

How asexual?

Are you... ? Completely.

Oh.

There's a spectrum. I know. I know.

I'm sorry. I... (CLEARS THROAT) I...

I thought that we were on a date.

No... Yeah.

We are. I mean...

I hope we are.

Yeah.

So you're not aromantic?

So you know the... Uh-huh. Yeah.

Okay. You know the words.

Um... uh...

No. I am not aromantic.

And I'm not a virgin, technically, but I do abstain... and that's important to me.

Is that okay? (LAUGHING): Oh, my God, yes.

I know... (CHUCKLES)

Of course it's... Is it... ? Yes, it's okay.

Of course. Thank you.

Thank you... thank you for sharing who you are with me.

I'm gonna go get another. Do you want one of these?

(CLEARS THROAT) Yeah. That'd be great. Thank you.

Okay. Thanks.

(LAUGHS)

(BELL RINGS)

♪♪

(SIGHS)

Want a mint? ACTRESS: Thank you, Kym.

Need anything? No?

Want a ChapStick?

Need a mint? Need a ChapStick?

No?

Here you go.

(PHONE BUZZES)

EVAN (ON PHONE): Hi Kym. Uh, I was just out walking, doing, uh, my cholesterol awareness campaign.

And look who I ran into.

Hi! This is Sister Gertrude. We, uh...

Gertrude? Will you say hi to Kym?

Hi Kym. Have a nice day.

EVAN (LAUGHING): And here's Sister Anne.

Will you say hi? Hi Kym.

Hi, so that's just a couple of nuns, saying hi to you, and me saying hi to you. Hi.

(WHISPERING): I Googled this convent and waited outside it for a long time.

(LAUGHS) EVAN (WHISPERS): Okay. Bye.

(NEARBY VOICES CHATTERING)

Hey. I'm sorry that I'm late.

I had to run by the bank. That's okay.

I gotta do one thing. Yeah.

Hey. Hey.

You waited on us the other night.

I'm so sorry. I completely under-tipped you.

I, uh, I just did my math wrong and I f*cked it up.

So, um, this is yours.

Oh my God, thank you. That is so sweet!

KYM: Oh no. You're sweet. I'm sorry.

Let me buy you a drink. I'll buy you a drink.

We're gonna wait... We're gonna wait for a table.

Okay. Baby, I'll get you then.

Thank you.

Hi! Hi.

Hi. Hi.

I'm so relieved. (CHUCKLES)

I didn't... Ooh, just a little... a little awkward.

That's okay. I thought it was nice.

Can I move this? Yeah, yeah.

Here you go.

Ooh.

How was your day? Um...

Should we? Uh, no. Sorry.

(PATRONS CHATTERING)

(BACKGROUND MUSIC PLAYING)

I don't... KYM: Hi.

I don't... (CHUCKLES)

I don't know why I did that. It's okay.

I'm sorry. It's okay.

You came back. Let's sit down.

I'm sorry, that... It's stupid.

Hey...

That's a line for you. Um...

(CHUCKLES) It has been, in the past, but, um...

Do you hug?

Not... typically.

Uh... but...

I wanna be respectful.

I like you a lot.

I like you too. But I... But...

If you don't want...

Like I-I get it, you know.

I-I understand if you...

I'm really lonely.

Sex has not been...

We're not gonna get into this right now.

It's not been a great part of my life.

But if...

If you can't hug me...

If you can't, um... hold me or... hold my hand...

I don't mean that you have to do it now.

I can be patient.

I don... (SIGHS)

Do you think that that's something that you could do?

(SIGHS)

Never did that before. (GIGGLES)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

KYM: You okay? EVAN: Yeah.

Mmm...

(KYM LAUGHS)

Well, maybe we should eat at the bar.

Ah, okay.

("AIN'T THAT A KICK" BY PETER IVERS PLAYING)

♪ Ain't that a kick in the head ♪

♪ One day you're lovers ♪

♪ The next day you're friends ♪

♪ Love ends before it really can start ♪

♪ Ain't that a kick in the heart ♪

♪ Ain't that a kick in the heart ♪

♪ Ain't that a kick in the heart ♪

♪ Ain't that a kick in the head ♪

♪ You find out a racehorse ♪

♪ Has been in your bed ♪

♪ She stops running ♪

♪ And you fall apart ♪

♪ Ain't that a kick in the heart ♪

♪ Ain't that a kick in the heart ♪

♪ Ain't that a kick in the heart ♪

♪ Ain't that a kick, but now ya know ♪

♪ In the heart ♪

♪ Ain't that a kick ♪

♪ But now ya, now ya know ♪

♪ In the heart ♪

♪ Ain't that a kick, uh! ♪

♪ In the heart ♪

♪♪

This is a really crazy bathroom.

I really wanna try one of those urinals.

I have before, and it... it went all over the place.

♪ (CHEERY MUSIC PLAYS) ♪

(LAUGHTER, CHATTER)

What the hell are you doing? You're gonna get us kicked out!

No, no, you can't smoke in here, honey.

This is it?

We're gonna have a fun night, right?

WOMEN: Yeah. (LAUGHTER)

Freddie Giordano-Roth?

Oh, my God. Eddie. Hi. Hey.

How's your mom? Oh...

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪