02x04 - Episode #2.4

[bunniefuu]

You look great.

Thanks!

You look good too. Oh, thanks very much.

Very handsome, which you always do, but more than normal.

Should we invite Barbara tonight? No! This is our night.

I thought it might be nice to shout her dinner to say thanks for letting me stay here.

Oh, Grace, no, she loves having you here.

I haven't really chatted to her since I got back. I feel guilty.

It might be nice if the three of us had dinner together.

We've never all gone out before.

Nah.

Maybe Barbara and I can be friends.

Grace, if you're trying to get in Mum's will, I don't even think I'm in it.

OK.

You know how close me and my mum are?

Yeah, very.

Well, she's always said that...

..a man's relationship with his mum will be the same as his relationship with you, and when I talk to her about you and Barbara...

OK.

I know it's silly, and... it was really hard to find peer-reviewed journals that supported her, but I...

Oh, Grace, we're nothing like Mum and I.

I mean... I'm like me, but you're nothing like Mum.

I know.

And Mum and I have a really good relationship.

We just... show it in different ways. Sure.

Now, are you ready to have the best night ever?

Ready.

Then let's go.

Ooh! Ooh. That was close. Almost had it.

It's alright. I got it. (GIGGLES)

See you, Em. Have fun at Damien's.

You have fun!

(RADIO PLAYS)

Uh, Mum, we're off.

Thanks again for letting me stay, Barbara.

It's fine. You're neat.

Enjoy your night.

It's 7:45 and the film still hasn't started.

What's the point of having a guide?

Yeah. (SIGHS)

See you.

(CRASH!) sh*t! (DROPS KEYS)

Am I blacking out?! Is it dark for everyone?!

OTHERS: Yes.

♪ Yeah, we know

♪ Even if we had so far to go

♪ Even if the pace is slow

♪ Well, I'll be coming home to you again

♪ If we find

♪ Something to feel that we belong

♪ If we can right all the wrongs

♪ I'll be coming home to you again. ♪

BARBARA: Daniel, grab the matches. Where are the matches?

In the drawer underneath the cutlery!

Where all the big, sharp knives are? You've got a phone!

You want me to get matches delivered...

Oh, yep. Sorry, got... It's alright.

EMMA: What happened?! Oh, Em! Don't.

(YELPS) (PHONE CLATTERS)

Did you just get scared by my face?

No. You... look... too good.

GRACE: Daniel, I've got it.

(SCREAMS)

(SIGHS)

Come on!

Hey, Grace. Check it out.

(ON PHONE) Yeah. Alright, well, I guess we'll just wait and see.

Fireproof. No, you're not.

I mean... I know what you mean, but I can't agree, because if you burn yourself in future, I'll feel responsible.

The pub's out too. Must be the whole town.

I'm gonna head next door and see if Rose is OK.

She falls over a lot at the best of times.

Well, do you want me to come with you?

No. Why?

Shouldn't we stay in pairs?

Why are you so worked up?

We had tons of blackouts when you were a kid. Don't you remember?

I remember not being a big fan of them.

Because your night-light went out? Yes, actually.

And Mum wouldn't let me sleep with a candle because it was a fire hazard.

Or a torch, because...

Batteries aren't cheap! ..batteries aren't cheap.

Jinx! (DOOR CLOSES)

And then there were three.

That hurt?

Yes.

(RUMMAGING)

Maybe tonight will be a good opportunity for you and Barbara to bond. James Bond.

Just because Mum and I don't say, "I love you," you know, it doesn't mean we don't love each other.

We're just not into public displays of affection.

Or... private.

You say, "I love you," to Barbara all the time.

Yeah, well, she's... usually out of earshot.

Daniel, has Barbara ever said it back to you?

Uh...

Em, have you picked one yet?

Yes, but I didn't want to give you a way of avoiding that question.

I mean... probably not, but that's not unusual.

I mean, she's very busy.

Emma never says it to Damien, and they really care for each other.

Don't bring me into this. We're completely different.

Yeah, no, I'm just saying that the saying of something isn't important.

How each other feels is important.

We don't need to define it. Yeah, exactly.

Why can't I just enjoy being with somebody?

Well, I didn't say you couldn't.

Don't project your mum problems onto me.

We don't have any problems. Oh, no, you two? Perfect.

BARBARA: Everything alright?

Yep.

Um... want to play a game?

Sure.

Thirsty, Emma?

Five! One, two, three, four, five.

I win! No, you don't.

Yes, I do. I passed the finish.

No, you only win if you LAND on finish.

No, it's when you pass it. Maybe on Cheater Island.

Think of every race ever and you'll find I'm right.

No.

Mum, we used to play this. Can you back me up?

I remember you crying when you lost. Ha!

Excuse me for being competitive. What if we all win?

(GROANS) Grace, that's... that's terrible.

Boo. Yeah, I know. I'm sorry.

Let's just say Daniel wins so he doesn't cry.

I'll cry, with joy, because I won fair and square.

Emma, pass the wine.

Barbara, what was Daniel like when he was little?

Oh, fine.

A little clingy.

Well... is it possible not to be if you're a child?

He was afraid of the dark until he was...

What age did you stop being scared of the dark?

Well... I mean... deep down... aren't we all scared of the dark?

No.

Ooh, Barbara, do you know any scary blackout stories?

Well, do you want to finish the game or hear a story?

Game. Story.

So you admit you haven't won yet if the game is still going?

Story.

Alright. I'm not very good at making stuff up, but...

..how about this?

You know Phil from the pub?

He's got a brother.

I've never seen him. You want to tell the story?

He lives in a caravan up in the hills, and at night, he takes people.

Is that it?

Well, they're the facts. Pretty scary to me.

You mean that's real?

Well, I told you, I'm not good at making stuff up.

There's a guy right now in the hills, in Rosehaven, who takes people?

It was ages ago.

The backpacker went missing. Everyone blamed Phil's brother.

He wasn't convicted of it. (GASPS)

Where are you going? I'm locking the door!

(LOCKS DOOR)

There's candles everywhere. What if there's a fire?

(UNLOCKS DOOR)

While you were gone, Barbara said he only takes redheads.

Kangaroo? No.

A rabbit? Nuh.

Daniel? Hmm?

I don't know. Some animal that only exists in your own mind.

An armadillo.

Em, armadillo have oval-shaped ears. That just looks like two antenna.

Oh, sorry, Daniel. Hang on. Let me try that. Um...

I knew you were gonna do that. No, you didn't.

I kind of knew you were gonna do that.

I'm going to get more wine. Yes, please.

I'll give you a hand.

(SIGHS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

And then there were two. Please stop doing that.

I feel like we've barely spoken since I came.

How have you been? Good.

Is your back recovering well? It's getting there.

How was your last Mother's Day?

What? Um... Mother's Day?

That was three months ago. Yeah.

Did you and Daniel go out? Did he get you something special?

He gave me 50 bucks in a card. Oh.

It's a great gift. It means I can buy what I want.

It's better than a voucher. What did you buy?

Petrol.

Cool.

Scared of the dark! How do I not know this?

Mum wasn't very good at making me feel at ease growing up.

She used to get pretty shitty when I'd go into her room at night.

Why'd you go into her room? Same reason every kid does.

You know, you have a nightmare and you tell your parents about it.

And she'd get angry with you? That's a bit harsh.

Yeah, well, I was a pretty loud snorer.

Was? I AM a... pretty loud snorer.

She used to let me sleep in her room, but then SHE wouldn't get any sleep.

One night she snapped and said, "Daniel, no-one's coming to get you, "but if they are, I'll bloody let them if you keep coming in here."

Then I just didn't go in again after that.

Man, that sucks.

Still... at least it hasn't had any long-term effects.

Yeah. I mean, I get it. I'd been keeping her up for weeks.

But... yeah, it made me feel like a... pain in the arse instead of her son.

That's a bit grim.

Yeah.

Do you think it's weird she's never said, "I love you"?

Not even once. She writes "from Mum" on my birthday cards.

(DOOR CREAKS LOUDLY)

So, do you two go to the movies?

Well, I see him at work every day and he lives with me.

Yeah, I guess. Why so many questions?

Well, it's just that I was talking to my mum today, and... you're a mum, so I thought, why not talk about that?

Right.

Where's that shiraz I had? It used to be in order of year.

OK. S...

Do you like... having him back? Must be nice to have your son here.

Found it!

I had to move all these in here to make room for Daniel and Emma.

Pain in the arse. It's like my house has turned into a backpackers.

Maybe she just likes to keep her feelings...

..safely tucked away, like the good china.

She has to love you, right? She's your mum.

Does she? I reckon our longest phone call while I was away was 10 minutes, and for most of that, I was on hold while she caught a spider.

So? Damien and I hardly ever talk on the phone.

Or in person. It's mostly activities.

I reckon if not for the business, she wouldn't even be in my life.

Maybe she'd prefer it that way.

What if Damien is only with me because we keep doing fun stuff?

Oh, Em, there's no way you'd still be going out if that was the case.

Who said we were going out?

We just kiss and hang out a lot and don't kiss anyone else.

Well, that is going out.

I mean, at least you and Damien choose to be together.

Mum and I... "Mum and I" what?

Uh... Mum & I... is...

..a new... movie.

It's the sequel to Marley & Me.

(POURS WINE)

I was saving this for a special occasion.

But I don't think Frank Sinatra's coming to Tassie anytime soon.

It is nice having everyone together.

I was more worried about someone sneaking into the garage while the power was off.

Someone like who?

Someone like... Phil's brother. Very funny.

You're welcome to invite Damien if you want, Emma.

Huh? Your boyfriend.

He can join us if he likes. He's not my boyfriend.

OK.

Em, you've been seeing him for months. He's your boyfriend.

He might not be. We haven't defined it.

And... Damien doesn't give much away.

Oh, because he's a hoarder! What?

(LAUGHS) Because he's a...

He doesn't give much away 'cause he's a hoarder.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm sorry, Em, you were saying? I've finished.

Well, I think... I'm glad that you and Damien are still... going.

Damien's great.

I don't know why everyone needs to put labels on these things.

And in some order.

You know, stranger, pash, seeing, partner, fiance, husband, ex-husband - I've done all those, and it sucked.

Damien is just a person... DAMIEN: Hi.

(SCREAMS) Phil's brother!

How do you do that?! Well, the door was unlocked.

Oh.

I just thought I'd see if you guys were OK.

Did you walk over here without a torch?

Yeah. Hi, everyone. Hi, Damien.

Well, we were just talking about you, because apparently, you and I are fascinating.

Oh, yeah? Because of our experiments?

No, and you c... you can't say it like that.

Because that sounds sexual. It's not sexual experiments, everyone.

It's generally food experiments.

Not sexual food experiments. (SIGHS)

Do you want to go for a walk? Sure.

Hang on. It's dark out there. It's dark in here.

Alright, well... be careful.

I'm not gonna get m*rder*d. My clothes don't match.

That's definitely not a thing.

You won't sleep with a chair facing you

'cause you're worried a ghost will sit in it and watch you.

I told you that in confidence.

Take my torch. Thanks, Grace.

Don't scare the cows! No promises!

(DOOR CLOSES)

Why don't we go through some of your old photo albums?

I have so many reasons.

DAMIEN: I guess in nature, the power's always out.

EMMA: Mmm.

Oh, I finished that job with the bath today.

What was that? Maybe I didn't tell you.

That couple, they wanted me to put a bath in, but the thing was, they already had a bath in there and they wanted another one.

In the same room. The bathroom.

OK.

They wanted two 'cause they liked having baths together but not having baths... together.

I'm not sure why they told me that, but they did.

They said, "You'd think having a bath in the same bath

"would be romantic, but it's not - it's crowded."

They're right. Showering with someone isn't sexy either.

It's taking turns being cold.

So, were they side by side?

The baths? No. They wanted them end to end.

Like, if you can picture it, it kind of reminded me of, like, a long, posh, old-timey dinner table where the couple's really far apart.

So, their heads are the furthest thing apart, but their toes are together.

So they can look at each other while they're each having separate baths.

Or not, if they go toboggan-style.

Here it is.

Wow.

Is this where you bring girls to make out?

(SIGHS) Walks, mainly.

And not to make out.

And not at night.

We can't see each other anymore.

OK.

You said that very fast.

Did I? I meant... um...

Why not?

Just because. It's for the best. It's me.

And we're wrong.

We're out of order. The whole frigging system's out of order.

I don't want to talk about it.

OK.

Well, YOU can say something.

I've had a nice time.

We're supposed to talk about our feelings.

Are you cold? No... (SIGHS)

It's become apparent that we should talk about what this is, and that means it's at a point where I need to get out.

Did I do something wrong? No.

(SIGHS) You know, you remind me of a tropical fish I had once.

Because I can breathe underwater?

I can't. I was just trying to impress you.

No, it was hard to get its attention through the glass with all the... you know, swimming and stuff, but when I did, it was pretty special.

It was very sparkly.

Well...

..that's really great, actually, but I can't be your fish, sorry.

Should I go?

No! You can't leave me out here!

Barbara told us this story about Phil's kidnapping m*rder*r brother living out in the bush somewhere.

Oh, I know where he lives. We could check it out.

Is that a dare?

GRACE: Oh, I forgot Tassie had a steam train.

It used to make me sick.

Everything made you sick. Couldn't take you on anything!

That's not true. It is!

What's the name of that ride where the chairs spin round on chains?

Chair-O-Planes.

Daniel sprayed all over the people waiting in line to get on.

Lucky it was raining. Landed on my umbrella.

It's not my fault it was also the first time I tried sauerkraut.

Couldn't even take him for a ride in the car to make him sleep.

Had to take him for walks so he'd go to bed.

Only motion that wouldn't upset him.

I thought you liked going for walks.

I did. It was good exercise.

Yeah, and some... mother-and-son time.

Well, when you're that age, it's that time all the time.

So I was a burden?

Did I say that? Well, you didn't have to.

It's not my fault you had a weak stomach, Daniel.

Shall we keep going?

We probably shouldn't go much closer.

Because he's a m*rder*r?

No. We might give him a fright.

Give HIM a fright?

Or he might spray us with the hose or something.

Am I the bravest person you've ever met?

Top... five.

How about now? I'm gonna put a snail in his mailbox!

I could only find a beetle.

That'll show him.

You know it was just a rumour?

He got drunk one night and stole someone's backpack.

But the story just got out of hand.

Now I feel bad about the beetle.

I saw him kick a dog once.

I feel better.

Yeah, he never took that backpacker.

Oh, yeah? How do you know?

It was me.

(SCREAMS) (LAUGHS)

(SCREAMS) Emma, wait!

(SCREAMS)

Em?

Get back! I was kidding! It was a joke!

I know. I'm kidding too, you idiot. Chase me!

(BOTH LAUGH)

Wow. Look at your hair there, Barbara. I see where he gets it.

It hasn't been that colour in a while.

(CHUCKLES) Oh, what about there?

Horse riding. I never had a problem with that.

You were sick that day too! No, I wasn't.

Really?

Ohh!

Oh, that poor horse!

(EMMA GIGGLES)

(TWIG SNAPS) Ow! Oh, my leg!

Are you OK? Ow!

Ow, my leg! Ow! Hey. Hey, I didn't...

Ooh!

I didn't take anyone.

I know. I didn't hurt my leg.

(CHUCKLES)

Dammit! I like you!

Sorry.

I like you too.

Well, once things feel... official or... on some path or serious, I... kind of shut down and it always ends sad.

Well, we're talking about it now and it still feels alright.

I feel like people think that if you don't do this stuff in the normal way, then it's not as good or something.

Maybe it's not.

Maybe it's better.

(BOTH LAUGH)

Do we have any bigger wineglasses?

How old is he there, Barbara?

Uh, two, I think. I forgot I had these.

I'm surprised you haven't thrown them out.

What's that? Nothing.

Oh, I remember that! Daniel's chickenpox party.

My what? You had chickenpox, remember?

And we all came round so that we'd be immune later.

Am I remembering it wrong? No, that's right.

No, no. That was my 10th birthday party.

Ah. Why'd you say chickenpox?

You were worried no-one would come, so I told the parents you had it.

You what? I'm sorry to interrupt.

Am I not immune to chickenpox? You are. Susan's kid had it.

I... I can't believe you did that.

When no-one turned up the year before, you were a mess.

I wasn't gonna go through that again.

Yeah, but, Mum, you're supposed to.

That's your job. You're supposed to me feel better.

I did. Took you for a donkey ride after.

Even though I knew you'd be sick on it.

No. You sent me on a donkey ride with Susan's kid.

I had work.

Probably paid the donkey to hang out with me too.

Yeah. It's a donkey ride. It's not free.

Mum, did you ever enjoy having me around?

What's up your nose tonight?

This is my fault. No, no, Grace.

This has been a long time coming.

(DAMIEN GRUNTS)

Yeah!

Most couples would be at home on the couch. Look at us!

Can you show me more places like this?

Heaps.

(SIGHS) We'll show them. We can do whatever we want.

(GASPS) Let's get a pet!

OK. But not a normal pet. Like, a...

Snake. Yes! I mean no. Obviously.

Gross. But good start.

And we can make our own fun.

None of this dinner-and-movie-date garbage. I've got a bunch of ideas.

Let's do this.

Sorr... Uh, what exactly is this?

(GRUNTS) But from now on, whatever it is, I'm all in.

All in?

Our way. Our way.

OK, now you say one.

No carbs.

No carbs? I'm sorry. I'm not good on the spot.

Um... you and me.

You and me.

Oh!

I don't remember you starving or dying on the street.

That's not the point. What is?

You've never said, "I love you," once.

What?

You've never said to me, your son, "I love you."

Not birthdays, not Christmas. Ever.

Is that why you're so moody tonight? I can explain.

I'm really sorry, Daniel, if I was too busy changing your nappies, paying for your food and shelter, and making sure you didn't set yourself on fire to shower you with love and affection.

You want me to make you a collage? You know what I mean.

Do I? Why do you think I did all that?

I'm just saying... What?

I feel like if I... if I wasn't your son, we wouldn't spend any time together.

No, of course we wouldn't.

You'd just be some man on the street I don't know.

Do you need me to say "I love you" for you to feel loved? Is that it?

Everything I've done meant nothing? I'm sorry I brought it up.

But, Daniel, family isn't about a bunch of talk.

It's about what you do, how you show it.

And maybe when you were growing up, I was so occupied, I didn't get into the habit of explaining every single feeling to you.

But... if you really need to hear it...

(APPLIANCES WHIRR, BEEP)

Oh. There you go.

Sorry, you were saying? I'm going to bed.

Er, yeah... yeah, one second, sorry. You were...

Make sure you blow the candles out.

If I'm gonna die in my sleep, I'd rather it be at room temperature.

(BEDROOM DOOR CLOSES)

(FRONT DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)

I'd like you all to meet my boyfriend.

Hi.

We're getting a platypus.

You're enablers for each other.

It's not healthy. Ow!

We're just having fun. Sometimes we'll watch a movie.

Or just sit together.

Thought you were gonna say something boring.

Are we stuck in a rut already?

(SCREAMS) Arggh! Oh!

You fill every waking moment with activities and they're getting worse.

We should cool it on the activities.

Or we could... Oh, God! What? Yes. Let's do it.

(QUIETLY) Mum? Are you awake?

What were you... gonna say before?

Mum?

Love you too. (CLOSES DOOR)