[WOMAN AND MAN MOANING INTIMATELY]
[BOTH KISSING, GROANING]
[GROANING INTENSIFIES]
[BUMPING SOUND]
Did you hear something?
It's just the ocean.
[KISSING]
- [g*n SQUIRTS]
- [WOMAN SCREAMS]
- [MAN LAUGHS]
- You gonna bone all night?
- [WOMAN LAUGHS]
- Come back to the show, you sex fiends.
- [MAN]
All right, let's go.
- [WOMAN]
Whoo!
Come on!
[HIP HOP MUSIC PLAYING]
[CROWD CHEERING]
[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
- [ELECTRICITY SIZZLES]
- [GRUNTING]
[PAINED STAMMERING]
[GROANS]
- [CROWD CHEERS]
- [MUSIC CONTINUES]
[MUSIC ENDS]
- [POLICE SIREN WAILS]
- [CAMERAS CLICKING]
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
[LUCIFER CHUCKLES LIGHTLY]
[LUCIFER] Excuse us.
[CHLOE]
Thank you.
ELLA: Whoa, you guys got here fast. Wait. Did you guys come together?
CHLOE: Uh, no.
LUCIFER: Uh...
CHLOE: Totally unrelated, can I talk to you for a second?
- Just...
Yeah.
- Yeah, sure.
[CHLOE]
Okay.
Um, so...
Yeah, we did.
Oh, my God, I... I didn't know you two were a thing. I mean, I mean, I'd hoped, but... You two bow-chicka-wow-wow?
CHLOE: No, no. We just kissed.
- Mm-hmm.
CHLOE: And then guess what? You called, so here we are.
ELLA: Decker, do you always answer your phone?
CHLOE: I just don't want my... sex life discussed in the workplace, okay?
So...
[IMITATES ZIPPER CLOSING SOUND]
CHLOE: Here we go. Okay, Ella, so what do we have?
- [LUCIFER]
Mm. Blue Ballz.
LUCIFER: You, too?
No. Blue Ballz, with a "Z". Fancy DJ headphones.Also, our m*rder w*apon.
Electrocuted poor DJ Matt Pexxa.
How does one get electrocuted with headphones?
Oh, well, you see, um, this tiny little silver wire coming out of the padding?
- Mm.
So, the current travels through the wire and into his skin. Now, you add sea air and his sweat, perfect combo for maximum voltage.
Oh!
That'd be a sick DJ name.
LUCIFER: All DJs are sick, if you ask me.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
[CHLOE SIGHS DEEPLY]
So, any leads?
Well, we're not even sure it's a m*rder yet.
I mean, it could just be a wardrobe malfunction.
LUCIFER: Wonderful. Can we go home, then?
CHLOE: You know what? Uh, hold that thought.
Okay, Pioneer. Best mixers on the market, and... Oh, here. The, uh... surge protector, it's disconnected.
Surge protector, I see.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
CHLOE: And, um, let's see here. Well, looks intentional.
It's a clean cut.
Someone sabotaged Pexxa's setup before he went on stage, and so that, with the live wire in the headphones, I mean, it's most likely m*rder.
LUCIFER: Well, surely someone must have seen something before our charred DJ went to his demise. Let's just question the witnesses, and case closed. Then we can all go back to our previous engagements.
CHLOE: Well, um, we do have about potential witnesses that are all drunk, and most likely very high. So...we're gonna be here a while. See you out there.
- [SIGHS]
- [CHARLIE CRIES]
Why is he still crying?
The doctor said he's fine.
It's just a phase.
[CRYING INTENSIFIES]
You missed our coffee date.
Oh, my gosh, Maze. Is it morning?
I'm so sorry. We've been up all night. You're welcome to stay, but it's kind of loud.
Pain and suffering.[CHUCKLES]Music to my ears.
Okay, okay, okay. Okay.
[SIGHS]
You have my undivided attention.
Is that a latte?
Okay.
So...
Mm!
Okay, I'm sorry.
You must be going through a lot with your mom.
No.
So she d*ed in a shitty apartment all by herself.
Sucks for her.
All I need to be is to not be her.
[CHARLIE EXCLAIMS]
So how do I do that?
Use the blue pacifier!
[AMENADIEL]
I am!
I'm sorry, Maze, what's the question?
How do I not end up alone?
That is not an easy question to answer.
- [CHARLIE WHINES]
- Try swaddling him!
[AMENADIEL]
Oh, what a wonderful idea!
You just have to find someone to connect with.
I just scare everybody away.
Well, I'm still here, right?
So you just know that when you find someone that you're romantically interested in, you just try not to be so scary.
You know, be more open, emotionally available.
"Emotionally available".
- [CHARLIE WHINES]
- Mm-hmm.
Yeah, okay, I'm so sorry.
I have to go.
Huh.
[HELICOPTER WHIRRING]
- Oh!
Jesus.
- Wait, I got you, don't...
Sorry.
- Thanks.
Old butterfingers, over here.
- Yeah.
Ah, don't worry.
- I drop stuff all the time.
- [CHUCKLES]
Oh, is that a 200-millimeter macro lens?
It sure is.
I picked up this bad boy last week.
That's some professional-level equipment.
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, wait, you're...
You're LAPD, aren't you?
Yep, best job in the world.
You wouldn't be able to give me anything over there?
- You mean, like inside scoop?
- Yeah.
Look, it's just...
This is my first real piece and I'm having trouble finding any leads at all.
Look, I'm not allowed to give you any real details, okay, but... maybe if you use my name, the media relations guy can help you out.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So, what...
what is your name?
- Uh, Ella...
- Uh-huh.
Lopez.
Got it.
Hi, Ella.
- I'm Pete.
- Okay.
Um, you know, like...
Maybe as, like, a real thank-you, I could take you out for a drink or coffee or...
Uh...I'm not really dating right now.
- Cool.
All right, yeah.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
- Nice meeting you.
Thank you very much, Ella Lopez.
Yeah.
LUCIFER: Someone's got the hots for our Miss Lopez.
Mm. Not my type.
LUCIFER: No? Seems just like you, perfectly adorable.
ELLA: Exactly.Not all of us can be in the perfect relationship.
- [CHUCKLES]
- [GASPS DEEPLY]
LUCIFER: Yes, it is rather exciting, isn't it?
No, that's DJ Karnal!
I-I mean, I didn't know he was headlining the show.
It must've been a surprise appearance.
That's so cool.
LUCIFER: Yes, I must admit, he may be the one DJ who has even a modicum of talent.
But then again, his ludicrous name negates that.
[IRONIC CHUCKLE]
LUCIFER: I mean, "Karnal"? Really? Must everything be about sex?
- [MAN]
Chloe!
- Oh, hey, Jed!
- What, it's been like...
Hi!
... a minute!
Uh...
- [PEOPLE CHATTERING]
- [SEAGULLS SQUAWKING]
It's so good to see you...
[BLOWS PARTY HORN LOUDLY]
LUCIFER: These are fun, aren't they?
Oh, hi.
- Uh, Jed, meet Lucifer.
- "Jed"?
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah, it's my real name.
- What's yours?
- [SCOFFS]
Uh, Lucifer is his real name.
- [CHLOE]
Yeah.
- Oh.
So what are you doing here?
Well, this is a show.
- I'm a DJ.
- Right.
What are you doing here?
Well, this is a crime scene, and I'm a detective.
- So you did it.
- Yeah.
I always knew you'd be a great cop.
LUCIFER: How do you two know each other?
Oh, um, Jed and I dated.
Right.
Uh, casually.
Yeah.
Long, long time ago.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Come on, Cherry Jane.
It wasn't that casual.
Um...
Lucifer is my partner.
LUCIFER: Yes, partner.
So are you still married to that guy Dave?
"Dan".
We're divorced.
Well, I never thought he was good enough for you.
LUCIFER: Only one man is.
So are you in a relationship?
Um...
Relationship?
Um...
No.
N...
Not in a... a relationship, uh, per se.
Well, it was really good seeing you again.
You, too.
Detective, we need you over here.
Okay.
Excuse me.
[SCOFFS]
- So...
- [PHONE RINGS]
Oh, I gotta take this.
Bollocks.
[SIGHS]
[CHLOE SIGHS]
You know, our first kiss was by the water. You remember that?
LUCIFER: Yes.
You know, about what I said earlier, Lucifer...
Listen, I have dated guys at work before, but, you know, people talk, and I don't want that.
And...
this...
"us", you know, we...
We don't even know what this is yet.
Do we?
LUCIFER: I suppose not.
Sorry, that was my manager.
Had to tell him I wasn't dead.
What do you mean?
Well, I was supposed to go on after Pexxa.
It's scary seeing another DJ die.
Makes you realize...
life's short.
LUCIFER: Some not short enough.
Uh, do you know of anyone who would want to k*ll Pexxa?
A...
A crew member, maybe?
You think this was intentional?
Yes, we think that Pexxa was k*lled with his headphones.
Pexxa's headphones?
He borrowed those from me...
this morning, right before the show.
He did?
Okay, were the headphones out of your possession before the show?
No, I handed them straight to him.
What about your mixing board?
Um, Pexxa's surge protector was cut off.
No, we all use the same setup.
Are you saying someone's trying to k*ll me?
Might I point out that if no one else had the headphones, how do we know you didn't k*ll our poor disc jockey?
Right, um...
I mean, you do have an alibi for before the show, yeah?
Sure, I was with my producer the whole time.
- Just...
Just ask him.
- Oh, we will.
Well, if you were the intended target, you know, you're not safe here, so best if you come with us.
- [LUCIFER SIGHS]
LUCIFER: Come on. Ladies first.
[DAN]
God, I hate that guy.
They broke up right before I met Chloe.
But I always kind of felt like I was living in his shadow, you know?
I don't know if it's the whole "first love" thing or what.
I swear, there's a part of Chloe that will never get over his stupid chiseled face.
Sorry, man.
LUCIFER: There's no need to apologize. The detective had a child with you, and I've never felt the slightest bit threatened.
You're right. He does have a stupid face.
Mm-hmm.
You know he tried to get back together with Chloe when we first split up?
Look, I'm just saying, watch out for that guy, all right?
I wouldn't put anything past him.
Okay, so we got a lead.
Jed's been receiving threatening emails from a man named Raul Blanco.
Yeah, some ass-hat who's pissed about my foundation building low-income housing at the marina.
Of course he has a foundation.
LUCIFER: Uh, Detective... I've been thinking, perhaps we dismissed DJ Dum-Dum a little bit too quickly as the k*ller.
Lucifer, he has an alibi, no motive, and trust me, I know him.
- Okay.
- All right.
All right, Lucifer and I will go question Blanco, and, well, you just stay here at the precinct where it's safe.
Thanks, Cherry Jane.
What would I do without you?
[CHUCKLES]
- Hmm.
- Okay.
[CHLOE CLEARS THROAT]
Bring it in.
Hey, Ellen!
Oh, hi, Maze.
You, uh...
You hittin' that?
Brimley?
No way, Jose!
He's happily married with five kids.
[SIGHS DEEPLY]
How do you do that, Ellen?
How are you so...
friendly?
I don't know.
I guess I'm just me, you know?
Ella.
Huh.
But I got to run to the lab.
Bye, Maze.
[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYS]
So, "Cherry Jane"?
Nickname from high school?
Embarrassing thing your parents used to call you?
No, just Jed.
We went on a road trip once and we came across this, um, cherry stand, and, um...
Well, yeah.
Never mind.
So Jed was your first love, then?
Oh, I see you've been talking to Dan.
[SIGHS]
Well, we were just kids, and it was great, for a moment, but it's in the past.
I'm over him, and...
he's over me.
[INDISTINCT CHANTING]
Yes, he's completely over you.
Put Karnal to bed!
Cherry Jane is the pits!
That's the guy who's been threatening Jed.
Cherry Jane is the pits!
Put Karnal to bed!
Raul Blanco?
If you're here to protest, there's more signs around back.
No, we're here to ask you about Jed, Karnal, and the lengths you're willing to go to to stop this community outreach program.
Look, I'm all for helping the homeless, but I bring my kids here.
The last thing this community needs is drug addicts and mental cases roaming around.
- [CROWD]
Yeah!
- Yes, there you were, minding your own business, when some musical interloper comes into your life under false pretenses, getting his grubby little DJ hands all over it.
Exactly.
And all these people feel the same way.
- [CROWD]
Yeah!
- Really?
May I?
Thank you.
Do any of you know what zip code we're in?
Hmm.
And how about how much Mr.
Blanco paid you all to be here?
[CROWD]
What?
No.
What's she talking about?
[BLANCO CLEARS THROAT]
I looked into you, Mr.
Blanco.
Your youngest kid is 23 years old, and the only thing you're worried about protecting is the reputation of your yacht club down the way.
- Well, I...
- I know you sent threatening emails to Jed right before you tried to electrocute him on stage last night.
Last night?
I was here, protesting.
I'd never hurt anyone.
I just need Jed to move the shelter.
You know he works here, right?
The guy should be thanking me for protecting this neighborhood.
Just last weekend, I caught a homeless woman breaking into his place.
Chased her out of that gate.
Okay, so Jed said the last time he saw his headphones was last weekend.
Well, why would a homeless woman want to k*ll Jed?
Maybe she wasn't homeless?
Maybe she broke in to tamper with the headphones?
She could be the one who wanted to m*rder Jed.
Assuming anyone wanted to m*rder Jed.
[CROWD SCREAMS]
[CROWD EXCLAIMING]
[LUCIFER PANTING]
Are you okay?
Yeah.
[BLANCO]
Is everyone okay?
We need to stay back.
Well...
isn't this convenient for Jed?
[SCOFFS]
His place blowing up?
How?
Well, first someone tries to electrocute him on stage, yet "accidentally" kills someone else.
Now someone tries to blow him up, yet fails again?
Either Jed is the luckiest target alive, or he's behind all this.
Jed would be here right now if we hadn't kept him at the precinct.
- Yet he isn't.
- He could have been blown to bits.
- Yet he wasn't.
- Why do you think he's behind all this?
Well, clearly he's orchestrating all this to get close to you again.
- That's ridiculous.
- Is it?
Electrocuting a colleague?
Blowing up his own studio?
No one would go that far just to be near me.
Well, I did go to Hell and back for you, twice, but who's counting?
[POLICE SIRENS APPROACHING]
Lucifer, are you jealous?
[CHUCKLES]
Jealous?
Of a man-boy who scratches records for a living?
Now who's being absurd?
I'm simply saying how convenient it is for DJ Dingus that any and all evidence that could have been in that studio is now completely destroyed.
- Wait, maybe not all of it.
- Hmm?
Blanco, he said that the woman who broke in, she escaped through that gate.
Maybe we can pull some prints.
Over, over, and tuck, right?
Yeah.
- Yeah, but...
- Looks right to me.
...
every time, his arms just keep popping out everywhere.
At first I thought it was because he had some sort of super strength, but...
then he couldn't even hold up his rattle, so I don't know, maybe not.
The crazy things we think our kids can do, huh?
[AMENADIEL CHUCKLES]
I just...
can't seem to do anything right.
Come on.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
Look, what I'm saying is, everybody gets it wrong.
Not Linda.
Linda always knows what to do, and I'm always in the way.
Ah, I'm sure Linda feels just as clueless as you do.
What's important is that you care, and you're trying your best.
[SIGHS]
I suppose so.
Still, it would be nice if I could get Charlie to stop crying just once.
[DAN LAUGHS]
Well, I have faith in you, pal.
Thanks for being such a great friend, Dan, and for taking the day off to help.
Well...
wasn't entirely selfless.
I couldn't stand another minute around Chloe's ex.
The guy's perfect.
He makes me feel so bad about myself, you know?
And I kind of already do that enough on my own.
What are you talking about?
- You're a great guy.
- [SCOFFS]
Hey.
Great cop, great dad.
And your hair, it's so high.
[LAUGHS]
Thanks, man.
There are things you don't know about me.
Things I've done.
And no matter how hard I try...
I just don't think I'll ever make up for them.
Listen to me, Daniel.
We all have our demons.
Myself included.
But believe me when I say this...
I know evil.
And you, my friend, are not it.
[CHLOE]
Okay, so we're looking for Belinda Roberts.
Ella pulled her prints off of Jed's gate.
A park ranger said her car's been here over a day, so she's probably hiding out.
Great.
Let's just find her so we can finally be done with this case.
So you're finally over the idea that Jed's behind all this?
Of course not.
Once we find this Belinda woman, Jed's co-conspirator, we'll get her to prove he's involved, and then we can all go back to life pre-Jed.
Oh.
Well, I was hoping we could, um, solve this case, uh, before the sun goes down.
Like I said, sooner rather than later.
[WOMAN]
Stop!
One more step and you'll die.
- Detective!
- Oh!
Careful.
I know how to handle snakes.
- [CHLOE PANTING]
- There...
Careful.
- [CHLOE]
Is it...
- [WOMAN]
No!
Do you know how long I have been waiting for copulation?
You and me both.
Clearly you're not aware of how rare sound recordings of rattlesnake sex are.
Well, it's not my strong suit, no.
Their foreplay is incredibly intense. And if things go well, their sex can last for days.
Huh.
But you ruined it.
Listen, we're here to ask about Jed Moore.
Karnal.
We know you broke into his studio.
I don't have anything to say about that.
[GROANS]
Listen to me, Miss Snake Pervert.
What did you desire from Jed?
I want him to pay.
Pay you for helping him fake his m*rder attempts?
Wait.
m*rder?
No!
He owes me for sampling my sound recordings.
His song, "Otter Vox", relies heavily on my otter sex recordings, and I have not been compensated.
Well, that sounds like motive.
What were you doing in his studio?
I was planting recording devices.
I was trying to record proof that Karnal stole my tracks.
Well, that is where we'll find proof that Jed is behind all of this.
- Or of who the real k*ller is.
- Mm.
Hey.
Hey.
Good news.
We found a woman who broke into your studio and planted some secret recording devices last week.
That's good news?
Well, we're hoping that it will identify the k*ller.
Whomever he may be.
Hmm.
Hey, what's with all the gift baskets?
Oh.
They're from my fans.
They found out my place blew up, and they've been sending me stuff from all around the world.
It's crazy how devoted they are.
Devoted to you?
Yes, that is crazy.
Crazy.
Wait, do you think one of your fans could be behind all this?
Oh, I doubt it.
They're harmless.
Though I have heard of a few really obsessed ones chatting on a message board, but I've never had a problem.
That you know of.
I'm gonna look into it.
You stay put.
Speaking of, I am getting a little stir-crazy here.
Oh.
Well, I mean, you still have to be safe.
You could stay...
Cherry, are you inviting me to stay at...
My place.
Yes. Yes, that's exactly what she's suggesting. Excellent idea, Detective.
- [CHUCKLES]
It's like you're reading my mind.
- [CHLOE]
Hmm.
- [JED]
Huh.
Great.
Shall we?
Sure.
Nice digs.
Mm.
Appears we have similar tastes.
Yeah, I still can't believe I have to be here.
I mean, this whole thing is just...
[SIGHS]
It's crazy.
Almost as crazy as if it had been concocted by a madman to, say, lure back an old flame. Which is also pointless, because the detective is spoken for.
Wait, are you talking about Chloe?
- Mm-hmm.
- She said she wasn't in a relationship.
LUCIFER: Well, she is.
Oh.
[CHUCKLES]
I get it.
You're interested in her.
LUCIFER: I'm not interested in her.The detective and I are seeing each other, which is why your little ruse is not going to work.
Listen.Chloe's amazing.I don't think I ever really got over her.I named my foundation after her, for God's sakes.
I know.
But you do start to wonder.I mean...could she really be as amazing as I remember?
Then when I saw her this morning...
Oh, man. My memory didn't even do her justice. All those feelings came flooding back, and I started to wonder... You know, maybe this is fate. But if you think I would k*ll Pexxa and blow up my own studio just to get her back, dude, you are even crazier about her than I ever was.
[CHUCKLES]
What are you doing?
Just making sure.
Tell me... What is it you truly desire?
I... I wish I hadn't screwed things up with Chloe.
Ah-ha! I knew it! Admitting to motive.
No. I mean, yeah, I wish Chloe hadn't dumped me, but I just...
Wait. She dumped you?
Yeah. Everything was fine, and then all of a sudden she just called it off.
So she just changed how she felt about you without... without any warning?
Yeah.Pretty much.
- It sucked.
- Right, then, Jed. I am going to need to know exactly what you did wrong so I can steer clear of your every mistake.
Now...
start talking.
[SOUNDS OF BIRDS, AUTOMOBILES PLAYING ON SPEAKERS]
I mean, even though we're just looking at last weekend, when Jed left the headphones unattended, still...
Oy, so many sounds.
I mean, you'd think a DJ would want a quieter studio.
Anything on your end?
Listen to this.
So, Karnalgirl .
"I left my whole world behind for you, Jed, and now so will you.
I missed you at the show, I missed you at your studio, but you won't get away next time".
Wow, sounds ominous.
Yeah.
That sounds like motive and opportunity.
This Karnalgirl could be our k*ller.
Definitely female.
Maybe a jilted sexual partner?
Great.
ELLA: Now you can go. I can finish up this audio scrubbing on my own.
What do you mean, "go"? Go where?
ELLA: To Lucifer's. I thought you guys were gonna finally, you know, hang out tonight.
Mm. Yeah, well, it...
[CLEARS THROAT]
... got postponed.
ELLA: Oh, you're nervous that you won't measure up in bed. I mean, he is pretty experienced.
I mean, I'd put it, like, in the thousands, probably. But you know what, you got this. You totally got this.
You're sexy.
That actually hadn't crossed my mind.
Oh, you're waiting on an STD check! Super smart.
No, I...It just...
Listen, Ella, he canceled. I guess he'd rather spend time with my ex than hang out with me, okay?
Yeah, that's worse.
Like, way...
- Shh!
- I mean...
Listen.
[RUSTLING, BEEPING]
Do you hear that?
Sounds like someone's inside.
Wait, I've heard that sound before.
BRB.
Be right back.
[JED]
See, Chloe loves a mystery.
We started out as friends, both aspiring artists.
We even worked together.
I always wanted to be with her.
Possibly relatable.
Continue.
In hindsight...
[SIGHS]
that's when the relationship was at its best.
Better without sex?
[SCOFFS]
Not relatable.
Seriously, all that unresolved sexual tension, the "Will they, won't they?" It kept her hooked.
Then we became a couple and...just lost interest.
Oh... Lacking in the bedroom department, I see.
- [LAUGHS]
Well...
[CHUCKLES]
... that won't be a problem. No, man, the sex was great. I mean, like, really great.
- Mm.
- Amazing, actually. The stuff she can do...
- Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Got it.
But, just... It wasn't enough.
It was the lack of mystery that did us in.
And my mistake...
[SCOFFS]
was wearing my heart on my sleeve.
Too much of an open book.
Really?
'Cause I've been in therapy, so I'm, you know, bit of an expert, but I believe that talking about one's emotions is... good?
No?
No, see, Chloe looks at everything like a case that needs to be solved.
- Mm.
- What I didn't realize was when she solved me...
figured me out...
she was done.
'Cause underneath the handsome, the sexy, the fun...
Mm.
... it's just me.
So she moved onto the next mystery.
And you know, I don't blame her. Should have played it closer to the vest, but I...
I was just so naive, you know?
Huh.
[PHONE RINGS]
Oh!
Speak of the devil's girlfriend.
Um...
[SIGHS]
How's that for mystery?
CHLOE: Hey, Lucifer. Uh, listen, I'm just calling to make sure everything is okay, and, um...
I-I need to talk to Jed about any crazy fans that he knows of, so just please call me when you get this.
sh**t.
Oh, that was fast, Ella.
You changed your pants, shirt, face.
- Oh.
- Hey, Maze.
Oh, my God, I have that exact same shirt!
Yes, you did!
[CHUCKLES]
Wait.
Did you steal my clothes?
[MAZE]
Oh!
I'm confused.
[MAZE SIGHS DEEPLY]
I understand how you feel...
Ella.
- Oh!
You got my name right!
- [MAZE CHUCKLES]
- Should I even ask?
- Oh, ask away. I am completely open and emotionally available now, just like my good friend Ella.
Aww.
CHLOE: Okay, so you're acting like Ella, and...You know what? Never mind. Real Ella, what do we have?
Uh, that beeping sound, right, threw me back to dinner at my abuelita's. I mean, the old lady is deaf as a squid. From the phone to the doorbell, to the smoke detector, her place is full of noises the woman can't hear.
- Abuelita.
- Exactamente.
Like this one time at my quinceañera,
- she didn't even know...
- Ella.
Right, right.
So I did some digging, and this beeping comes from a hearing aid with low battery, a digital ITE hearing aid, to be exact. Just like the one my deaf abuelita wears.
- So the k*ller's an old lady?
- No, not necessarily.
Loud music can damage hearing.
So maybe Karnalgirl might wear a hearing aid.
Exactly.
Ever plan a rave?
[CHARLIE WHIMPERING]
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
Amenadiel?
[CHARLIE CRIES]
What's up?
What's the emergency?
Is Charlie all right?
Charlie's fine.
[CHARLIE'S CRIES INTENSIFY]
Charlie's the same.
It's Linda that's the problem. She just handed me the baby and left.
Well, what'd you do?
I just said what you said.
That it's okay that she gets it wrong all the time, and it's perfectly natural that she's so clueless because no one ever...
Oh.
Okay.
Right, I...
I see what happened there.
Mm-hmm.
Where'd Linda go again?
[ELECTRONIC DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
[CROWD CHEERING, WHISTLING]
[ELLA]
Yay!
Yes, yes, yes!
Come, come, come.
I'm sorry.
You know, I'm good.
Uh...
Linda, I'm not quite sure why Maze called you, but like I told you, this is a sting.
Oh!
I thought you said vodka.
I invited her 'cause, you know, girls' night, lady love, bonding?
Yeah!
Whoo!
Right, okay, so first, start with dancing, then more dancing, then bring it home with a classic girls' night bar fight.
Yeah!
Time out.
Ladies, let me remind you that there is a k*ller here.
LINDA: As long as that k*ller doesn't cry, spit up, or wet themselves, I am in.
All right, good, I'm gonna find him.
All right, how do I help?
How do I help?
All right, let's do this.
Let's split up, and remember, we're looking for a girl with a hearing aid.
We're on it.
We're so on it.
- Come on, Maze.
- Yeah!
Okay, not that I mind being your date tonight.
Au contraire.
[LAUGHS]
I am stoked to be with adults.
But where's Lucifer?
Uh...
Yeah, that's...
That's a good question.
Um...
Well, we just had to do this sting at Lux without him, you know?
All right.
Hearing aid.
Let's go.
Hearing aid!
Can I get another drink, please?
Thank you!
Thank you!
- [CHILDREN'S MUSIC PLAYING]
- [CHARLIE WAILING]
♪ Down came the rain and washed the spider out ♪
[DAN] Who's a big boy?
What are you doing?
I have been trying to soothe Charlie for...
It's...
[HESITATING]
- What time is it?
- I don't know.
DAN: I don't know. And I'm helping out because I'll do anything to avoid that ass-hat...
Jed!
What's up? How are you doing, man?
This is making it worse.
Hand it to me, jeez.
What are you doing here?
Shouldn't you be involved with the sting over at Lux?
I don't know anything about a sting. I'm here because I'm being mysterious.
Well, the last place the detective would expect to find me is with a baby, so...
here I am.
[AMENADIEL]
That still doesn't answer my question.
But if you're going to stay...
You have any ideas how to stop this?
Have you tried whiskey?
I love your hair. Oh! Your piercings, they're amazing. They look so, so comfortable.
Yeah.
Oh, God. Bad boy alert.
[MOANS]
Focus. Hearing aids. Hearing aids, yeah.
[CHUCKLES]
Oh! Love your lobes.
So I can't go back to that manicurist no matter how colorblind she is, because these nails are not for charity.
Would you, uh, like a...
screwdriver, Karen?
No.
I have this reoccurring dream where I open the fridge, and the only thing that is there is orange juice.
Fascinating.
[CHARLIE WHIMPERING]
Got milk. Not that milk, Lucy.
[BABY CRIES]
You're doing it too fast.
You're still doing it too fast.
Hand him over.
- Be my guest.
- Watch.
Shh...
Shh...
Shh...
[CHARLIE STOPS CRYING]
You see?
Nice.
This is how I did it when I had a baby, you know...
with Chloe.
So what's this sting you were talking about?
Chloe's putting on a show over at Lux to draw out the k*ller with you as the headliner.
Wait, then shouldn't I be there?
It's too dangerous.
And Chloe's tough enough to handle it on her own, so...
- [CHARLIE CRIES]
- Damn.
I have a birthmark shaped like a pineapple.
- Do you want to see it?
- No.
I mean...sure, I would love to.
Oh, sh*t.
Yeah, my ex thinks it looks gross, too.
What are you doing?
What?
Oh, I finished my section.
No hearing aids.
So you thought you'd find one in that guy's mouth?
ELLA: What about you, Maze? Okay, you've been talking to the same person the whole time.
Karen and I have had a very long and meaningful conversation. I feel connected to her already.
Yeah. And every annoying detail of her life.
ELLA: Oh, my God, Maze. I know what you're doing, okay? And pretending to be me is stupid. I... I am clearly no role model. I'm just a magnet for losers.
- Bitch.
- See?
Well, I was just you for two full hours, and being genuinely nice like that... literally the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. But maybe you're right, Ella. If all you think you deserve is some loser like that... maybe I should learn from someone else.
Okay, the last girl to be checked is barfing in the stall.
Some people don't know how to drink.
Okay, so you've had sex with Lucifer.
[SPITS]
Okay, um...
Yes, but that was a long time ago.
Right, I-I mean, I know he's slept with a lot of women.
Tons.
And men.
Right, which I-I-I completely accept, but you know, sleeping with the Devil, it must be different somehow, right?
Well, it's not like he has a forked penis or anything.
Oh, he doesn't?
LINDA: I mean, it's totally normal. I mean, well... I mean, way, way above average. I mean, it's perfect. Seriously, sex with Lucifer is the last thing you should be worried about. What you should be worried about is that he's unfathomably narcissistic, utterly terrified of intimacy, and sabotages everything good that ever happens to him. So essentially, he's the oldest, most immature person in the world. Nay, "universe".
[PHONE CHIMES]
I...
Oh, hold on.
Oh, it's Ella.
Okay, so Ella says they finished checking their half of the bar.
No sign of a hearing aid.
Oh, sh**t.
If our k*ller isn't here, who knows where she is.
So I'm going to call Lucifer and see if he still has eyes on Jed.
[PHONE RINGS]
[CHARLIE CRIES]
[CHUCKLES]
Dude, did you just throw your phone out the window?
- Mm-hmm.
- Jeez, you're such a weirdo.
Oh.
It's Chloe.
- Really?
- Yeah.
Hey, what's up?
That sucks.
Yeah, Lucifer, he's...
Uh, I don't know.
I don't know where Lucifer is right now.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm positive Jed's safe.
Mm-hmm.
Okay, bye.
What the hell, man?
Well, you see, Daniel, the detective is a detective.
So, I'm being a mystery.
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
Jed explains it much better, don't you, Jed?
[DAN]
Huh.
Looks like you just got played, son.
What are you talking about?
DAN: Jed's after Chloe. I told you to watch out for him. I mean, come on, it's obvious that he's trying to get between you two so he can swoop right in.
Jeez.
I'll go see if I can catch him.
[CHARLIE WAILS]
What's wrong?
I've been manipulated, brother.By that mewling little DJ.
Okay, calm down, Lucy.
It's bad enough when Father does it, but that little cretin!
- They could be right outside.
- Good! Jed can see who he's really playing with.
- [MYSTICAL CRACKLING]
- [CHARLIE WAILS]
[GROWLS]
- [GROWLING INTENSIFIES]
- [WAILING ENDS]
That's odd.
[CHARLIE CRIES]
Do it again, Lucy. Do it again.
Yeah, yeah.
Do it again.
[GROWLS]
[CHARLIE GIGGLES]
- [DAN]
Jed isn't out here!
Lucy, stop!
I'll call in a BOLO. Who knows where he went.
I'll find him.
- [CHARLIE CRIES]
- Jed may have manipulated you, brother, but you let him.
You're right, I suppose.
Also, I need you to help me to get Charlie to stop crying.
[GROWLS]
It's just ringing.
[CLEARS THROAT]
I'll just try him again.
You know what?
This is so selfish.
- Yeah.
- I don't know, what, is he ghosting me?
What's up, everybody!
[CROWD CHEERS]
This song goes out to a special lady.
Cherry Jane, this one's for you.
He's not supposed to be here.
I know.
But Chloe said that the k*ller's not here, right?
So he should be safe.
I mean, she looks majorly scary.
That's Karen.
Yeah, well, maybe Karen is Karnalgirl .
She didn't have a hearing aid.
Well, maybe she just didn't wear it.
Wait, does she have a g*n?
Oh, my God, she's going.
[OVERLAPPING SHOUTS]
[KAREN]
Ow!
Maze, what the heck?
I just wanted to take a selfie!
Are you Karnalgirl ?
Yeah.
Ron?
Ron, what are you doing?
[OVERLAPPING SCREAMS]
[JED]
Yo, man, what...
- We can work this out.
Just calm down.
- Tell them!
Tell them what you did!
I have no idea what you're talking about.
I don't know who you are.
But you know who she is.
[GASPS]
LAPD.
Put down the g*n.
No!
They need to know.
He's a home wrecker.
- It was just one night.
- One magical night!
I didn't even know she was married.
She didn't say anything.
You don't need to do this, Ron.
Yes, I do.
She broke my heart.
I messed up with the other DJ, and then with the expl*si*n.
I'm not gonna screw up this time.
Look, your wife, she...
She disappeared on you.
Completely ghosted you.
- I love her more than anything.
- [CHLOE]
Yeah.
And she left me for this stupid, hot, charitable DJ.
It doesn't mean you have to k*ll anyone, Ron.
All my friends gave me a hard time for not doing anything about it. For letting her just walk all over me, and they were right!
[CHLOE]
Ron.
Listen.
You let your friends get into your head.
- [PANICKED BREATHS]
- You should have just talked to her.
I get it.
I've been there, but you have to tell her how you feel.
That sometimes she drives you crazy, that she can be incredibly challenging...
and headstrong and frustrating...
but also...
incredible.
And that, despite everything... you... you just want to be with him.
[SIGHS]
Her. Her.
Ron.
Ron... you're not going to be able to tell her anything if I have to sh**t you. So put down the g*n. Put it down.
[WHISPERS]
Put it down.
[PANTING]
Please.
[OVERLAPPING SCREAMS]
[RON GRUNTS, WHEEZES]
It's just so heartbreaking.
Yeah, it's so...
Oh, God, who am I kidding?
I don't care.
Wait.
Where's Linda?
Oh.
[SNORING]
[HANDCUFFS LOCKING]
Thanks.
[POLICE CHATTER ON RADIO]
I can't believe I'm gonna say this, but...
thank you for saving my life.
[CHUCKLES]
I can't believe I'm going to say this, but just doing my job.
That's all it is, isn't it?
What do you mean?
I'm pretty sure all that talk about "tell them how you feel"...
wasn't about me.
[SIGHS]
I mean, the thing is, Lucifer and I are...
something.
[CHUCKLES]
But it's...
It's new and it's complicated.
How so?
Oh, trust me.
It's complicated.
Well, it didn't sound very complicated when you were talking back there.
I believe the word you used was...
"incredible".
So I'll send everything over to ballistics, and it's "Karnal".
Oh.
Hey.
Thanks, Sam.
We're good here.
Twice in one day.
What are the chances of that?
I didn't know you were gonna be here, I swear, but, yeah.
I hoped.
Do you want to go out with me?
- Really?
- Yeah.
Thank you.
I mean, great.
Yes, yes.
- That'd be great.
That'd be...
- Okay, I'm just...
... cool.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Look at that. Breaking news, local journalist gets cute girl's phone number.
Ah, jeez, for Pete's sake.
- See what I did there?
- I see what you did there.
He seems nice.
I think he actually is. But so are you, Maze. Well, maybe not nice, but... good.
You don't think I'm scary?
ELLA: Oh, I think you are hella scary. But... it's good scary, because it's you. And I know when you finally show someone how absolutely amazing you are, you're going to find your soulmate.
You can't find a soulmate if you don't have a soul.
[CHARLIE COOING LIGHTLY]
[AMENADIEL SIGHS]
- Well, case is closed.
- [BOTH]
Shh!
[BOTH EXHALE]
[WHISPERS]
Sorry.
I just got off the phone with Chloe.
Jed's finally out of our hair.
The k*ller was Karnalgirl506's jilted husband.
I should have been there.
Instead, I let DJ Dickwad get inside my head.
Yeah, how did that happen?
I've never known you to be the jealous type.
Please, I'm not jealous.
- Mm-hmm.
- [SCOFFS]
- It's just, she's so...
- [BABY TOY SQUEAKS]
This whole relationship nonsense...
How am I supposed to know what she's thinking?
That's man's eternal question, bro.
We haven't even had a proper chance yet.
I can't mess this up.
Look, I know you two are useless when it comes to women, but Daniel, you, surely, should have some sort of self-help mumbo-jumbo advice for me?
- You want my advice?
- Sadly, yes.
Stop asking people for their advice and just go talk to her, man.
[CHARLIE CRIES]
It's my turn, isn't it?
No...
We can take it from here, Dan.
Wait, you sure?
Yeah.
I mean, you've already helped out so much.
I'm out of here.
I'm exhausted, guys.
[CHARLIE'S CRIES CONTINUE]
[PHONE RINGS]
Hey, man, what's up?
[LUCIFER]
Daniel, is it too late for you to come back?
- I'm so sorry. You forgot something.
- [DAN GROANS]
All right, man.
I'll be right there.
Fantastic.
Idiot.
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS]
Well done, brother.
Well done.
[GROWLS]
[ELEVATOR DINGS]
Detective.
- Hi.
- I was going to call you, but I seem to have misplaced my phone.
So I was just coming to see you.
- Oh!
- Yes.
Uh, come in, please.
Have a drink... if that's what you want.
- I'm sorry.
I...
- I'm sorry.
I...
No, I'm sorry, for disappearing.
I was trying to...
Never mind.
I was listening to advice from someone I shouldn't have.
I should have just listened to myself, and to you.
No, I...
I'm sorry, I, um...
I was nervous and, um...
the things I said, well, they were things a normal person would say, you know, and...
we're not normal.
- No.
- You know, we...
We're us, and...
we're...
incredible.
I couldn't agree more.
["TETHER ME" BY GALLEAUX PLAYS]
Well, um...
I'll, um...
I'll see you tomorrow, then.
Absolutely.
Yes, tomorrow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Good night, Detective.
Good night.
♪ Tether me ♪
[BOTH PANTING]
♪ Tether me ♪
- Oh, God.
[GRUNTS]
- [PHONE RINGS]
♪ Tether me ♪
[OVERLAPPING KISSING AND PANTING]
♪ In the space do I belong? ♪
♪ It's dark out here in my own thoughts ♪
♪ Always ♪
♪ Back out of my body ♪
♪ I'm tied to my limbs ♪
♪ They're spinning me out of control ♪
♪ Tether me ♪
Incredible.
♪ Tether me ♪
[CHLOE PANTING] Lucifer.
♪ Tether me ♪
05x06 - BlueBallz
Moderator: Kaelline
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"Lucifer" amuses himself in Los Angeles, where he gets his kicks helping the LAPD punish criminals.
"Lucifer" amuses himself in Los Angeles, where he gets his kicks helping the LAPD punish criminals.