02x09 - Tidal Wave

[bunniefuu]

'Sup, world?

Today on my blog, I am showing you how to get gum out of your hair.

I hear peanut butter works great.

Okay, let's see if it worked.

Nope.

Need more peanut butter.

[Strumming]

♪ You say, forget it ♪ ♪ I say, don't sweat it ♪ ♪ You're like You're like that ♪ ♪ I'm like a doormat ♪ So peanut butter definitely doesn't work, but they say ice does the trick.

♪ We can rock away ♪ Ahh!

Brain freeze!

So, what do you think?

I think the fact that you're wearing a weird tiny hat tells me you never got the gum out.

It's a fashion statement.

And that statement is, "I now have a bald spot.

" Hey, you try cutting your own hair with hedge trimmers.

Well, congrats, Jorge.

Your video got more hits than that dog flying off the trampoline.

May he rest in peace.

My dream of becoming a famous hair model is coming true.

I'm going to take over the hair world like lice.

Let me see that.

Jorge, did you actually read the comments?

They're all about Xander.

Really?

Awesome!

I'm surprised anyone could see me behind all of Jorge's hair.

There are even a bunch of comments asking where they can find more of your music.

There have to be some comments about me.

Ooh, read that one!

It's from my abuela.

"Jorge, stop yapping about hair, "and let el guapo sing" [Chuckles]

♪ Here we go ♪ ♪ We're leaving the city behind right now ♪ ♪ Let's gather by the campfire light ♪ ♪ And sing this song ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Hanging out with someone new ♪ ♪ Then falling out of a camp canoe ♪ ♪ What's that smell?

It's on your shoe ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ Got a s'more in my hair ♪ ♪ Mosquitos in our underwear ♪ ♪ Shower's broke but we don't care ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka ♪ ♪ This is our home away from home away from home away from home ♪ ♪ But watch your back A bear just ate my phone ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ All: ♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪ Xander, there you are!

I just wanted to say I think you're awesome.

And I respect you a whole heck of a lot.

Zuri, you're being nice.

You must want something.

Emma, that really hurts my feelings.

All right, fine.

I want to piggyback off Xander's music career.

Music career?

I've always wanted one of those.

Xander, if you got that many views on Jorge's lame little blog, you will blow up if you post a video to my ChatSnap.

You'll also double my followers.

But this is about you.

Zuri is a great promoter.

She got our school to vote me homecoming queen.

But that's easy.

Everyone likes you.

And Ravi homecoming king.

Wow!

Okay, I'm in!

It's so cool that so many people are gonna hear my music.

Yes, I'm going to be huge!

I mean, you.

I'm still all about you.

Xander, I couldn't be happier for you.

You're talented and handsome.

You so deserve this.

And, Xander, you mean everything to me.

Thanks!

"Thanks"?

Up top!

Gotta go!

[Laughs]

Did I just tell Xander he means everything to me, and he high-fived me?

Yup.

If you had a problem with it, you should have left him hangin'.

Thanks for helping out with mail call, Ravi.

Try not to mess it up.

[Laughs]

Please, I think I can handle reading names.

"Nqobizitha Madhanhanga." Mike Allen.

"Fa'atoina Autagavaia" hyphen...

Thank you.

Sue Smith.

Oh, come on!

Is anyone familiar with the Korean alphabet?

Hey, since I never get any letters, can I go do anything else?

Hey, here's something for you, Mr.

"Current Resident." Here you go, Ravi.

Now you'll be able to see over the golf cart steering wheel.

Score!

Ow, I feel terrible for Griff.

He never gets any mail.

I never get any mail either.

But you're a CIT.

You should be able to handle it.

[Voice breaking]

Right.

I can handle it.

Hey, maybe if we write Griff a letter from a mystery pen pal, it'll cheer him up.

Great idea!

And we could pretend to be a camper from Camp Champion, who spotted him from across the lake.

I like it.

We'll get started right after mail call.

Wait!

How about you read one from my bag?

Okay.

Bo Bell.

Seriously?

Duh.

I'm such an idiot!

No argument here.

What are we talking about?

Oh, I totally choked and said "thanks," when Emma told me that I meant everything to her.

Oh, then you are an idiot.

That's pretty big talk from a guy wearing such a small hat.

I just hope Emma and I can get through this canoeing class without it being too awkward.

Hey, Emma.

Mr.

McCormick.

Awkward!

I think Emma's mad at Xander.

I also think these little hats are really working for me.

You got one of those things right.

Okay, campers, before we get you out on the water, we have a few tips.

First tip, while canoeing, always remember to appreciate your partner.

She's really putting herself out there, and deserves to know how you feel.

Well, you also don't want a canoeing partner who puts a bunch of pressure on you when you just want a relaxing summer boat trip.

Summer?

Just a summer boat trip?

What, do you have a different canoeing partner for every season?

[Giggles]

Look, Xander's sweating through his life vest.

Emma, can we please not chat about this right now in front of all the...

The fish?

Oh, don't worry, you and I won't be "chatting" ever again.

So, does this mean Emma's available?

Keep dreamin', hat boy.

"Yevstigneyev," then an upside down "H," and what looks like a picture of a crown.

And "Griff Jones." Wha...

Really?

For me?

How does it feel to get mail?

No, seriously, how does it feel?

Because I would not know.

It's from a girl at Camp Champion, who saw me swimming in the lake.

Her name is Erin.

A name with Gaelic origins, Much like the name griff.

[Laughs]

What a totally random etymological co-winky-dink.

And it says she spent time in juvie, too!

What are the odds?

And look at that lovely handwriting!

She must have taken an after-school calligraphy class.

I'm going to write her back and tell her a little bit about myself.

Good idea.

And when you're done, give it to Ravi to mail for you.

He's got a bunch of stamps lyin' around.

[Clears throat]

Those stamps are collector's items.

My Vermin of Canada series just made the "Hot List," in Philatelist Monthly.

Since you're not mailin' it, you don't have to actually use a stamp.

Just read it and write back.

Right.

So, Griff...

When you are ready, give me that letter and I will slap on a Saskatoon ground squirrel.

[Chuckles]

Hey, Xander, great news!

Emma calmed down?

[Laughs]

Oh, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

The news is, we're going to make a fortune once your next song blows up on my ChatSnap.

I ordered 10,000 rolls of Xander toilet paper.

Why would you do that?

Because everyone likes celebrities, and everyone uses toilet paper.

I myself use a two-ply Kenny Chesney.

I'm sorry, Zuri, but I just have too much on my mind to sing right now.

I understand, and your feelings are important to me.

Tell me what's going on.

It's just that...

I don't come from a family that talks about their emotions.

My dad's a football guy.

The way he tells me he loves me is by slapping me on the butt.

Well, don't try that with Emma.

The truth is, I do want to tell Emma...

[Static buzz]

...how I feel, but I just...

Uh, Zuri, what are you doing?

Recording this.

Now, pour your heart out, and make it rhyme.

Look, I don't want to be rude, but I'm just not in the mood.

Yes, that's gold.

I didn't mean to rhyme!

I'm gonna need a lot more than two bars to sell all this toilet paper.

Zuri!

Can you explain why there's a charge for thousands of dollars worth of toilet paper on my credit card?

Nope.

Hey, guys, would you mail this letter to Erin for me?

Sure.

Happy to.

[Chuckles]

Oh, and Ravi, since you weren't around, I went ahead and slapped on one of your weird stamps.

Oh, look at that.

It is the Nova Scotian bog lemming.

What a wonderful use of a rare $5,000 stamp.

Griff, you're going to love having a pen pal.

I have a few pals I've been exchanging letters with for years.

Let me guess, they're all farm animals?

Not all.

One's a donkey, which is really more of a ranch animal.

If you say so.

Oh, I wonder what he wrote.

Oh, Lou, please be careful with my stamp when you open...

No!

My bog lemming!

Uh-oh, this is bad.

Tell me about it.

A Canadian Vermin Series without a bog lemming is like an engagement ring without a diamond.

Forget about your stupid stamp.

Griff wrote Erin about a store in town that locks up their dirt bikes with a flimsy chain.

He said he wants to steal one.

Oh, no!

I hope he mentioned something about stealing a helmet.

If he steals anything, he'll be sent back to juvie.

We have to stop him!

But Griff only told this to Erin.

If we confront him, he will know we were tricking him.

You're right.

He'll never trust us again.

So, we need to write him another letter from Erin trying to talk sense into him.

You know, felon to felon.

Or, Erin could say she'll go to the police.

Absolutely not!

Erin is no snitch!

She lives by the code of the streets.

"If the fuzz asks you to drop a dime, be as silent as a mime." Emma?

Xander?

What are you doing here?

Looking for a place as cold as your heart?

No.

Zuri wanted me to get hamburger patties for the cookout later.

She wanted me to do the same thing.

That's strange.

Although, it's not as strange as this box labeled "otter nuggets." hey!

[Rattles]

Hey, what's going on?

Obviously, we're trapped, just like your emotions.

We're not opening this door until you two make up, and I get my song!

And I get $50 million!

What?

I'm not sitting on this crate for nothin'.

Hey, Griff, you got another letter from Erin!

And because she's a criminal, she made her O's look like little handcuffs.

Where is he?

Look, Griff left a letter on his bed.

Great, Griff used another one of my stamps.

This time, please be careful not to rip...

[Paper rips]

And goodbye, Cornwallis Island Tundra shrew!

Oh, no.

Griff wrote Erin that he's going to canoe into town to steal that dirt bike.

[Gasps]

Oh, this is terrible!

Still no mention of swiping a helmet?

We have to get to the dock and stop him before he leaves.

Ha-ha-ha!

Suckas!

[Hisses and groans]

Yeah, that's right, Mrs.

Kipling, I'm pranking your master.

And now I'm talking to a lizard.

Maybe that's why I don't get any mail.

[Mrs.

Kipling groans]

Oh, great, Xander.

Because you're dead on the inside, we're both going to be dead on the outside!

Don't be ridiculous.

Okay?

Zuri is not going to endanger her own sister.

Yes, I would!

I want that video!

And I want my money!

It's freezing!

Oh, thank goodness someone left some mittens in here.

Uh, Emma, I wouldn't do that.

Oh, why?

Because if I put them on, it'll be harder for you to give me one of your warm and caring high-fives?

No, because those aren't mittens.

They're dead rats.

Ew, gross!

Ugh, this is the worst day ever.

Just admit it, you don't care about me.

I'm not your everything!

That's not true!

Then just say it!

Fine!

Fine!

You're my everything!

There, happy?

Your plan worked!

I heard Xander say they're happy.

Yes!

Time to order 5,000 Xander bobble heads!

Hopefully, no one will notice he's wearing a Mets uniform.

Or that he's Dominican.

All right, Xander, time to sh**t that music video!

Uh, you don't by any chance have a Mets uniform, do you?

Zuri, your stupid plan just made things worse!

I'll say!

I almost just wore rat mittens!

Ugh.

All right, forget Emma.

Concentrate on your music, and blowing up my ChatSnap.

No!

I don't care about your ChatSnap.

My whole relationship is blown up!

Oh, man.

This is horrible.

Tell me about it.

These burgers were rejected by a local kennel.

Wait, no, they're from a local kennel.

Oh, no, we're too late!

Griff's not here!

Uh, perhaps if we hop in a canoe, we can catch up to him!

Not with you rowing.

Hey, guys.

I was just gonna go for a canoe ride.

A-ha!

I knew it!

Knew what?

We know...

We can't tell him we're Erin.

Nothing.

We know nothing.

Uh, Griff, why do you need a ski mask and gloves to go canoeing?

Well, it gets chilly out on the lake.

What do you think I need them for?

[Snorts) To commit a crime?

(Both laugh nervously]

Hey, could you pass me those bolt cutters?

Bolt cutters?

Well, I'm off.

[Chuckles]

And in case anyone asks, you never saw me leave camp.

Wink!

Wait!

Your pen pal Erin came by earlier, and wanted to talk to you.

Both: She did?

Yes, I shall go get her right now!

Hey, Xander.

Sorry I locked you in the meat locker.

You should be.

Parts of me are still defrosting.

Okay, I understand if you want to give me the "cold shoulder." Sorry.

Too soon?

This is so messed up.

I really hate that I hurt Emma's feelings, but talking about my emotions just makes me so uncomfortable.

I hate talking about my emotions, too.

Even talking about your emotions is making me queasy.

I really do want to tell Emma how I feel, but I just don't know how.

Well, your songs are always full of emotion.

Like the one you wrote last summer, to ask Emma out?

So, why don't you tell her how you feel with a song?

Oh, I see what you're doing.

You just want to get that video done, so you can make money and double your followers.

[Sighs]

I promise that's not true.

I really do care about you and Emma.

Well, then...

Maybe I could tell Emma how I feel in a song.

I mean, as soon as my fingers thaw out.

I'll go grab you those rat mittens.

So...

I can't wait to meet Erin.

Me neither.

Ravi: [In girl's voice]

Hello, griff!

It is I, Erin!

Huh, Erin sounds a lot different than I imagined.

Sounds exactly like I had imagined.

So, Erin...

[Laughs]

Why don't you come out and say "hi" in person?

Ravi: Because...

I have a cold, and I am extremely contagious.

Achoo!

You know, I wish you could meet my friend, Ravi.

I wonder where he is.

Ravi: Oh, he's probably scoring a touchdown in soccer, or some other manly pursuit.

Oh, brother.

[Stuttering]

It's funny, because you kind of sound like Ravi.

Ravi: Oh, that is not possible.

He is a handsome young Indian boy, whilst I am a lovely Gaelic lassie.

That's it.

I cannot stand it anymore.

The jig is up!

What gave me away?

Everything.

Look, guys, it's one thing to trick me with fake letters, but how could you possibly think I'd steal a dirt bike?

Gee, I don't know...

Maybe because you said you were gonna steal a dirt bike.

And half your T-shirts say "Property of Maine Prison System." [Chuckles]

Look, I'm sorry for tricking you guys, but you started it.

We only invented Erin because we felt bad that you never get any mail.

Hey, Ravi never gets any mail either.

But I am a CIT, and...

I can handle the gut-wrenching pain of disappointment.

We were just trying to cheer you up, Griff.

And you succeeded.

Listen, messing with you guys was more fun than any letter I could've gotten.

And thanks for caring.

You're welcome.

So, at what point were you onto us?

From the second I saw Ravi's dainty handwriting.

Calligraphy.

Hey, Emma.

Can we please talk?

I'm all ears, Mr.

McCormick.

Look, I know I messed up, and there's nothing I can say to make it up to you.

But I can sing it.

I wrote this song for you.

♪ I've heard it said timing's everything ♪ ♪ Well, everything is here now ♪ ♪ You never know what the day will bring ♪ ♪ Just be ready when it comes around.

♪ Life's a beach tropic island getaway ♪ ♪ I came alive ♪ ♪ Ever since the day you...

♪ Hit me like a freight train ♪ ♪ Ooh, I did a double take ♪ ♪ Body like a summer day ♪ ♪ Got a real mean undertow ♪ ♪ Holds me down Won't let me go ♪ ♪ Love has got me swept away ♪ ♪ On a tide, tide, tidal wave ♪ ♪ A tide, tide, tidal wave ♪ ♪ It's like a tide, tide, tidal wave ♪ ♪ A tide, tide, tidal wave ♪ ♪ Oh, I'm living now ♪ ♪ I'm loving now ♪ ♪ On a tidal wave ♪ ♪ Hit me like a freight train ♪ ♪ Ooh, I did a double take ♪ ♪ Body like a summer day ♪ ♪ Got a real mean undertow ♪ ♪ Holds me down Won't let me go ♪ ♪ Love has got me swept away ♪ ♪ On a tide, tide, tidal wave ♪ ♪ A tide, tide, tidal wave ♪ Xander, writing that song was the most incredible thing anyone's ever done for me.

And I once had a guy offer to buy me an island.

[Chuckles]

Wow.

Like one of those little Caribbean Islands?

No.

Manhattan.

So I guess I'm not going with that Free Hug Coupon Book for your birthday.

[Chuckles]

Actually, I would love that.

In fact, I'll take one right now.

Oh.

I'm sorry, you don't have a coupon.

Emma, I am so happy we worked things out.

You're so beautiful and sweet.

You're my everything.

Thanks.

Up top!

Xander, guess what?

We're up to a million views on your video!

My ChatSnap is exploding!

Hey, I thought this song wasn't supposed to be about your ChatSnap.

Come on, you know me better than that.

It's so cool that people like my music so much.

They do, but according to the comments, they love Emma's dancing even more.

Oh, let's not make this about me.

This is about Xander.

[Whispers]

Send me that link.

Did anybody mention my dancing?

Ooh, read that one!

It's from my abuelo.

"Jorge, get out of the way, and let muy bonita drop it like it's hot."