02x05 - Stuck in the Garage Sale

[bunniefuu]

Harley! Tell me where I should put all my stuff!

Harley! Tell me what to do with my clothes!

You're probably wondering if our house is on fire right now...

Harley! It's going to be hot today.

Can you invent something to change that?

Harley! We've got a pile of our old underwear.

We think it's all good, but we leave that up to you.

Or if we suddenly remembered we're moving tomorrow.

It's far worse than any of those things.

Harley! You finish making the signs yet?

Right now, you're probably looking for me, too.

Over here!

It's time for the annual Diaz garage sale... the worst day of the year for me.

Everyone does the bare minimum and expects me to do the rest.

They know I always care the most about the sale going well, and in true Diaz fashion, they take full advantage.

She can help you over there.

This nightmare started with a dream... an above-ground pool.

See, Mom and Dad let us keep whatever cash we make, so if we save our money for two years, we could buy one.

But my knucklehead siblings always get greedy and want something right away.

It's always my pain, their gain.

One more sip and we dive in.

I won't be stuck doing the garage sale again.

Incoming!

Guys, for the record, there's no price low enough for this.

♪ Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like things are out of control ♪

♪ Like you're living in a circus ♪

♪ Tryin' to figure out your way in the world ♪

♪ Where you're at is kind of perfect ♪

♪ So turn it up, turn it up ♪

♪ Do your thing, don't stop ♪

♪ Let the games begin Let's jump right in ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the middle of the party ♪

♪ We're just getting started ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the eye of the tornado ♪

♪ Rowing in the same boat ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

♪ Get stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ I wanna get stuck with you ♪

So, you're going to have all this stuff cleared out in time for the garage sale tomorrow?

You mean in time for you to sit here and watch the big game?

Starts at 12:30.

I was thinking, what if we cancel the garage sale this year?

Or we could go a different way... bonfire.

I already put it on the neighborhood website.

Besides, this is your thing.

And I have my thing.

And your thing keeps the kids away from my thing.

It'll be great.

Drop one more item in this pile, and I drop you.

Whoa, I was going to sell these relaxation CDs, but maybe you could use them.

Sorry, I've just had it with this garage sale.

I wish I could sell it at the garage sale.

Maybe I should quit.

Ooh, the day before the sale? That's risky.

All the kids will be pretty mad, and then you'll get iced out.

Remember when you tried to boost our router and then blew out the cable TV?

Hey, can you grab me some more ice?

So I have no choice.

I'm either the work horse or the sitting duck.

Tough farm to be in.

You know what your problem is?

You're too good at running this sale.

What do you mean?

I mean, if you were bad at it, we'd make zero money and nobody would want to do it anymore.

Wait, are you saying I should t*nk this garage sale?

Is that good?

It's brilliant.

Then I'm saying it.

If I make sure this year's sale is the biggest disaster ever, we'll never have another sale again!

Fine with me. Means we won't be stuck with another stupid chocolate fountain.

You didn't like that?

Why didn't you say anything?

I was afraid I'd get iced out.

Does that mean you're in?

I'd love to put this sale in the ground.

You think I like wasting my Saturday slaving in the hot sun so I can dip fruit in Beast and Lewie's chocolate backwash?

So what do we do?

Step one:

we do nothing.

Perfect. That's my specialty.

Wait, I'm confused.

You want us to do what we think is best?

Mom and Dad told us never to do that.

Yeah, we're used to you being in charge.

It's like an old shoe that we would sell at the sale.

If you told us to.

Why should I be the one in charge of the garage sale every year?

You guys don't need me.

You can come up with your own ideas.

We'd rather not.

I say it's about time!

I'm sick of Harley telling us what to do!

Who's with me?

Freedom! Freedom! Free...

Dial it down.

I could have my own booth.

Very exclusive.

With velvet ropes and wristbands, like at a club.

Make it hard for people to buy your stuff.

That's a great idea I would have never had.

You can all have your own booths. Do whatever you want.

Awesome! Good idea!

We should have done this long ago.

You've been holding us back.

We are going to make so much money.

And this year, let's not blow the money on just anything.

Let's get something smart, like a whole mess of fireworks.

See ya later, alligator.

We put them in charge of themselves.

Now all we have to do is sit back and watch the garage sale explode like the fireworks Lewie will never get.

And just to make sure it does, there's still a few things we could do to put it over the top.

"Garage Sale."

No time, no date, no address, no customers!

I thought of a way we can really drive customers off.

I can play guitar at the sale.

Perfect! That will totally make people leave.

I wasn't finished.

I mean, I can play badly on purpose.

Even better.

I call this "Searching For Toenails."

You guys selling all your good toys?

No way! These are for playing with during the sale.

Those are the ones we're going to sell.

We're selling Indestructible Man?

That's Unbreakable Guy.

Oh, okay then.

I don't know what boys like, other than me.

But girls are going to lose it over my private pop-up sale of my curated collection, "Styled by Rachel."

$50 for one of your t-shirts?

You're right. It's too low.

I'll mark it up to 60.

And now, the final touch on this poopy garage sale:

Actual poop. I'm fertilizing the lawn.

The stink will really drive the customers away.

Hard to haggle when you want to hurl.

Every idea starts with my invention bag.

Ben Franklin had his kite, Shakespeare had his pen, I got this baby.

To make money, I usually sell all my good inventions.

This year, I'm selling all my duds.

This is one I wasted a whole Sunday coming up with... the old milk dipstick.

You dip it in milk, it'll tell you if it's spoiled.

But if you can't smell it yourself, you are probably the dipstick.

Harley, I've been thinking.

Garage sale's the one time of year people actually come to our house.

I mean, other than to say Daphne should be punished.

So this year, I want to use the sale to really get to know our neighbors.

Their lives, their dreams.

Why Mr. Driscoll always has that one light on in his basement.

What is he doing in there?

Georgie's going to be babbling so much to the customers, they won't have a chance to buy anything.

That's a terrible idea.

That's a great idea!

You think their ideas are bad?

I'm gonna sell rocks and sticks.

Good thinking. You can't find those everywhere.

I mean, how much could she possibly make?

Her big-ticket item is a pinecone.

She'll still probably make more than the others combined.

Let the world's worst garage sale begin.

Usually I'm crazy trying to make sure this garage sale goes well.

But now that it's more of a garbage sale, this is going to be fun.

♪ I ripped it off last Thursday ♪

♪ Where did that toenail go? ♪

♪ I found it on the carpet ♪

♪ It belonged to my big toe ♪ Thank you, Marshport!

If you liked that one, you're in luck, 'cause I'll be playing it all day.

Hey, there you are.

I was just going to come outside and check on my little girl and see how that big sale is going.

Halftime? Yeah.

So, you guys making some money out there?

Oh, it's going to be one for the record books.

Good. Because I just spoke to your mother, and we know how hard you work on this sale every year.

Well, maybe not every year.

That's my Harls, modest and hard-working.

Which is why we decided that whatever you guys make this year, we are going to match dollar-for-dollar.

Dollar-for... Wait, I mean... huh?

You guys are finally going to get that pool!

Look at you, you're speechless.

♪ I know that I ain't special ♪

♪ It happens all among us ♪

♪ You look between your toes ♪

♪ Find a bunch of fungus ♪ Jam, toe jam!

♪ Nah, nah, nah ♪ Stop!

I know, it's bad. I can do worse.

Believe me, I know.

Listen, Mom and Dad are going to double whatever money we make this year.

They want us to get a pool.

Great!

No, horrible. We're tanking the garage sale.

Not anymore. We're going to throw this t*nk in reverse.

We could get a pool?

This is our year for the pool, so we've got to make as much as possible.

Oh, yeah!

How's everyone's stations doing?

I haven't sold anything.

That's because the offers I've been getting are insulting.

$15 for a cold-shoulder blouse?

I mean, for the entrance fee, maybe.

We haven't sold a thing.

Yeah, it's like the market for useless, broken toys just dried up.

I've been so busy chatting, I haven't made a cent.

But I did find out Mr. Johnson is illegally housing three chickens on his property.

You guys are pathetic. I've made bank.

$4.00. Smiles weren't working, but tears did.

Okay, so with Mom and Dad's contribution, we have about enough for a pool noodle.

Harley, this is your fault!

You're the one that told us to use our best judgment.

What were you thinking?

Yeah! Yeah!

We've never done it before, why should we start now?

I made a mistake.

I told you guys to follow your instincts.

But we still have time to turn this around.

How? The day's almost over.

Listen, guys, Harley got us through all the other garage sales.

Just stop thinking for yourselves and do whatever she says.

Okay, Rachel, it's time for your boutique to have a sale.

Daphne, you can get people to buy anything.

You're helping Rachel.

I sold a rock and three sticks.

I know how to move inventory.

Now let's go.

Good for day or night.

Look stylish wherever you go.

I wouldn't recommend it on the swing set, but it's an excellent choice for the slide.

Mac and cheese washes right off.

You ladies would look fabulous in this reasonably priced outfit.

Give us a twirl, Rachel.

Ooh, that outfit is fetching.

"Fetching"? These are not the clientele who should be buying "Styled By Rachel." I can't.

You will.

I want a pool.

And did I mention, ladies, these outfits are Bingo-ready?

Ooh! Ooh!

Yes!

Lewie, Beast.

It's time to let go of the past.

Sell-sell-sell everything and anything you can!

We're selling everything, folks! And it's priced to move!

I see you eyeing this whoopee cushion.

Why rely on your own butt?

$4.00 for the lady.

I'll go as low as 3!

With prices that low, you've got to be crazy!

Why do you think they call me "Craaaaaazy Beast"?!

Seize on this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity while Crazy Beast is in control!

How can I be in control if I'm craaaaaaazy?!

Ethan, less guitar rock, more "Rock-a-bye Baby." You're on child care.

♪ Now I know my A-B-Cs ♪

♪ Won't you come and play with me? ♪ Who wants to hear some White Stripes?

Nobody?

♪ A-B-C-D-E... ♪

Oh, your granddaughter is going to love this.

Do you have any pictures of her?

Move the merch, Georgie!

That'll be $5.00, please.

Text me a photo later.

♪ My my my, my squad goes ♪ One-of-a-kind Harley inventions, folks.

Everything to make your life easier.

A "Hey You" Stick.

Air Conditioned Shoes.

Roll-On Relish, from the makers of Roll-On Mayo.

Also available.

♪ My my my, my squad goes ♪

♪ They go hard ♪

♪ No sleep ♪

♪ To the top, baby ♪

♪ Runnin' hard till the day we die ♪

♪ Till the day we die ♪

♪ Easy with me ♪

♪ They go hard ♪

♪ Can't sleep ♪

♪ To the top, baby ♪

♪ Runnin' hard till the day we die ♪

♪ Till the day we die ♪

♪ Easy with me ♪

♪ They go hard ♪

♪ Can't sleep ♪

♪ To the top, baby ♪

321...

$322.

And a sandwich coupon? I was dealing!

With Mom and Dad's part, that's enough for a pool!

I don't have to take baths anymore!

Oh, forgot to add my take.

Where's my table?

We sold it. Everything must go.

I'm craaa... Yeah, that's over.

Even I'm tired of you.

So where'd you put my invention bag?

We didn't put it anywhere. We sold the table with everything on it.

But my invention bag! That's my most valuable possession!

Everything I need is in there.

My projects, my tools, my ideas.

I've had that since I was 6 years old.

I feel bad keeping these now.

We didn't mean to sell your invention bag, Harley.

It was a mistake.

We'd make you a sympathy milkshake, but we sold the blender.

And the ice cream.

I know exactly how you feel.

One time, my phone wasn't picking up Wi-Fi and my texts were delayed for 20 minutes.

Okay, maybe I don't know exactly how you feel, but I'm really sorry.

You know what, I had this coming.

It's karma.

I should have never tried to t*nk the sale.

t*nk the sale? You did?

Well, at first.

It's because every year, I do all the work.

I figured if it went badly, you guys would want to stop doing it.

I'm sorry.

If you want to ice me out, I understand.

I can't believe she did that.

I feel so used.

We're still getting a pool, right?

Look, I'm as blind-sided by this as any of you.

I mean, why wouldn't I be?

Okay, look, let's be honest.

Harley does do the work every year, and we never save for the pool.

Last year, she didn't even taste the chocolate fountain.

Or play Marco Polo in it.

She's always there for us.

We have to get that invention bag back.

Lewie, Beast, do you remember who bought the table?

Not really. I was going crazy at the time.

You get an action figure!

You get an action figure!

You all get action figures!

For the insane price of 2 dollaaaaaaaars!

Yes, ma'am, everything must go.

For the table and everything on it.

Okay, so we know a woman bought the table.

Do you remember what she looked like?

Anything specific on her face?

She had one.

More specific.

She had a shirt with pineapples on it.

Wait, I helped a woman with a pineapple shirt.

She wanted a purse, and I was negotiating with her...

Please, I am begging you not to use this!

Look, at the table over there.

It has heating pads!

What'd she look like? Old.

Remind me never to use any of you as an eyewitness.

Oh! I met an older woman with a pineapple shirt.

Her son just had a baby.

Well, her son's wife, of course.

Such a cutie. The baby, not the wife.

Although, the wife's no slouch herself...

Get to the point!

She said she bought a table at the sale.

Her name was Fran. Short for Frances.

You know, funny enough, her daughter-in-law, also Frances.

I don't even remember what we're looking for anymore.

Okay, anywhere in that soap opera you find out a house address or phone number?

No. But I did get her son's number.

I had to meet that baby.

I... I can't.

Hi, we spoke to your son.

You were at our garage sale earlier.

You bought a table that had a bag on it.

Any chance you still have it?

Oh, yes, yes, yes. It's right here.

Thank goodness.

I know it's gross and bleh, but it's irreplaceable to us.

Or at least our nerdy sister.

Okay, that might not sound like it, but it's straight from the heart.

Can we take that bag back off your hands for say, 10 bucks?

That sounds fair.

Can you break a 20?

Well, you had quite a day at the garage sale, huh?

Yeah.

And you said that this is irreplaceable?

Sounds like it's worth more than $10.

How much more?

Just start counting, dear.

Oh, I forgot to mention, her son says she has kind of a nasty streak.

Thanksgivings have been a nightmare.

Did I die? Because this is how I pictured it, everyone looking down at me, but I thought at least a few of you would be crying.

My invention bag! You got it back! How?

It was a team effort.

See? I was right.

You guys do have good ideas.

I got my invention bag back, and we're getting a pool.

Yeah, about that...

We lost our money, and I lost my faith in the elderly.

You gave up a pool to get my bag back?

You're welcome. Now let's never talk about it again.

Hey, guys. Wanted to check in with the fam.

So how'd the big sale go? Your game over?

Yeah. We lost. My team was a letdown.

Sorry to hear that.

My team was amazing.

In the end, doubling our profits only got us $44.

We gotta get a real pool.

Garage sale next week?

Sure.