03x08 - Stuck in a Mysterious Robbery

[bunniefuu]

Mmm, I can smell those polvorónes from here.

I don't know how much longer I can wait.

Why can't you invent something that cools cookies instantly?

You think I haven't been working on that?

You're seeing something you don't see a lot: us excited for food to come out of that kitchen.

Which only means one thing.

Mom and Dad are gone, and Abuela's at the helm.

Don't tell them I said that.

Mom trying is almost worse than her not.

Here they come.

Stand back, people. I'm going in mouth-first.

Okay, when I put these on the table, give me to the count of three before anyone dives in.

I don't want to lose a finger.

On three?

Or one, two, three, go?

And they're gone.

I guess it was the first one.

I think Abuela was only half-joking about losing a finger.

We all know about the curse.

Every time she visits, something bad happens.

Wait till you try Abuela's special marinade.

I spent hours...

Accidents.

Did someone leave these doors open?

Mayhem.

This is it. Six long months, and we finally find out who wins "American Voice."

Ooh, just in time for Ping-Pong regionals.

And fighting.

George, give us the remote!

After that, she didn't come by for a long time.

She says this stuff never happens at Uncle Chick's.

To be fair, he lives in a high-rise with less people and fewer raccoons.

But if we want Abuela to ever come back, we need to make sure her trip goes smoothly.

Make sure to save some cookies for the rest of the family for when they come back from their trip!

My Harley curse-proofed the house?

Yup. Nothing bad's happening on this trip.

I refitted this door with the same kind of heavy-duty hinges they use on gates and barns.

Which, if you've seen our family eat, is appropriate.

And, Abuela, look at this.

I made those self-closing.

Nothing's sneaking in here.

And we agreed, no TV while you're here, so we don't fight over the remote.

And so we spend more time with you.

I was supposed to say the second part first.

Looks like you thought of everything.

But to be safe, I'm still wearing my religious medals.

And that's how you curse-proof a...

Oh, come on, who left that open?

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like Things are out of control ♪

♪ Like you're living In a circus ♪

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ Trying to figure out Your way in the world ♪

♪ Oh-oh, oh-oh ♪

♪ Where you're at Is kind of perfect ♪

♪ So turn it up, turn it up ♪

♪ Do your thing Don't stop ♪

♪ Let the game begin Let's jump right in ♪

♪ I want to get Stuck with you ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ In the middle Of the party ♪

♪ We're just getting started ♪

♪ I want to get Stuck with you ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ In the eye of the tornado ♪

♪ Rowing in the same boat ♪

♪ I want to get Stuck with you ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Get stuck in the middle With you ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ I want to get Stuck with you ♪

"Frankenstein went to the bakery for a piece of apricot pie."

If this is some weird novel you wrote, I'm finding some plot holes.

No, these are specific sentences I found online.

Once I record you, I can manipulate the sounds to create virtually any phrase.

Watch.

Go ahead.

Look out, got a roller in the house.

And this is just the beginning.

We're starting with you, but once I record everyone, you can choose whichever Diaz you want to cheer you on.

Roll again.

Amazing, Harley. You're a genius.

Machine's just saying what we've all been thinking.

Happy to help. It'll get my mind off that bone-headed mistake I made with Chloe.

Yeah, for a girl who could never finish her sentences, she sure could end a relationship.

What happened, exactly?

It's pretty embarrassing.

You have to promise to keep it between us.

I promise. Flea-az Diaz-style.

If you're going to hear it, you have to keep it Flea-az Diaz-style too.

That means you tell no one.

See, when I was little, I caught fleas, and it spread to my whole family at a reunion.

The only person I told was Ethan.

Not only did he keep my secret, he rode his bike to the store and spent his allowance on special shampoo.

Now, whenever we have a secret that's just between us, we call it a Flea-az Diaz promise.

Chloe and I were kind of at that place where you decide if the two of you are a thing or not.

I had just downed two chili dogs with onions, when she offered me a lick of her ice cream.

I didn't want to be rude, so I went in.

And that's when I was revisited by Mr. Chili's super bean combo.

I belched my relationship out of the park, literally.

After that embarrassment, I don't think I could ever look her in the eye again.

Not that she'd ever let me get close enough.

Only the good sheets for Abuela.

No stains, and they almost match.

Isn't it nice having her here?

For some more than others.

What do you mean? Come on, Georgie, get your head out of the sand.

I know you saw it.

Ah, my littlest fruit.

Mm-mm-mm!

My athlete.

Mm-mm-mm!

My little Tomás Edison.

Mm-mm-mm-mm!

Okay, Harley got a bonus squeeze, I saw it.

Face it, Harley is Abuela's favorite.

You're right.

I guess it makes sense.

Harley always gives the extra effort.

Organizing the Christmas trip, making Abuela an ornament every year.

She even curse-proofed the house.

She's kind of a bootlick that way.

If we tried we could be too, but kissing up is pathetic.

So you get a few bonus hugs.

It's not worth selling yourself out.

Once I finish this, you'll have your pick of gentlemen at the retirement community.

I got news for you, princesa.

I already do.

What's going on here?

Georgie's having me sleep in her room so the two of us can have a girls' night.

So there is a brain under all that hair.

Abuela, will you cut up my breakfast for me?

Of course I will, mija.

As much as I'm all for her not having a Kn*fe, she's been cutting up her own food for years now.

Well, Abuela does it the best.

Can you feed it to me?

Of course.

Coming in for a landing.

Yum, yummy.

I could eat you up.

Yes, I'd love to put a fork in her too.

Well, so far we've made it through a day with no accidents, fighting or mayhem.

Pretty curse-free, I'd say.

Hey, let's take a picture so we can show Mom and Dad what a good time we're all having.

Make sure you go nice and high.

I learned that at the senior center in my "How to Take a Selfie" class.

Say "queso."

Queso!

I'll clear the table, Abuela.

No, I will. I said, I will.

Fighting over who gets to clean?

You girls are amazing.

I got it! I got it!

Let me make sure we don't have red eye.

Don't want Mom and Dad thinking we all caught another infection.

I don't believe it.

My own brother went behind my back to hang out with my worst enemy.

Why is there a picture of you at a comic book store with Aidan?

Who's Aidan? Just our neighbor.

I, uh, ran into him at the comic book store.

Totally begged me for a picture.

Awkward.

This one's of you guys eating jumbo shrimp.

It was "buy one comic, get shrimp free."

Sounds fun.

Will I get to meet this Aidan?

No! No!

Ethan, can you please help me get something from the garage?

I should stay and help Abuela with the dishes.

Where it's well lit, there are no shovels, and several exits.

Go, go.

I've got the butter dish, too, Abuela.

Oh!

Nice try, short arms.

This isn't over.

How could you hang out with Aidan?

Why would you hang out with Aidan?

You're the one who said to put him on the "Dead to Diaz" list.

I know, but it turns out we have a lot in common.

Totally. You're both jerks.

I was going to say we read the same comics.

But, yes, point well taken.

I haven't talked to him since.

But still, it was wrong.

So go ahead, call me a weasel.

Call me spineless. Make fun of my guitar playing.

Though, in fairness, it's come a long way.

Have at it, yell at me.

I don't need to.

I'm not mad. I'm hurt.

Oh, no, that's worse.

I'm begging you, yell at me.

You said you're sorry, and I believe you.

If living in this family has taught me anything, it's that everyone makes mistakes.

Besides, Abuela's here.

If she hears us fighting, she'll blame the curse.

Thanks, Harls.

Well, I'll go grab some lights to decorate the game room.

That way I don't look suspicious.

Well, if we don't want to look suspicious, I should go sit on the couch and complain I ate too much.

And then later, I won't help make lunch.

Just to be safe.

So, I finished cleaning the kitchen.

What's going on here?

Abuela and I are just chatting.

In Spanish.

Her native tongue.

Her Spanish is really improving.

It's from reading all the Spanish books Abuela's been sending.

You've been reading yours, right, Georgie?

Sí.

Not sure if you're aware of this, but Christmas is a long ways away.

Not sure if you're aware, but you live on the other side of the fence.

Just getting a lacrosse ball I sh*t over here.

Sorry to bug you.

Ha! Listen to me.

I just said "bug" to Flea-az Diaz.

Ethan totally revealed my deepest secret, I can't get back at him because Abuela's here, and these Christmas lights are tangled!

Look, I'm taking Abuela to dance aerobics to have some alone time with her.

I know you're going to want to come, but for once...

You're taking Abuela out of the house for a few hours?

Perfect!

Great.

This isn't a trick to give you time to make some super invention Abuela's going to love, is it?

What I'm planning has absolutely nothing to do with Abuela.

Or love.

I hope your leggings are extra stretchy.

I hear this dance aerobics class is taught by someone who used to tour with Lady Gaga.

I love the Gaga.

And I love that you and I are getting a little girl time, just the two of... us.

Are you guys going to exercise?

How convenient. I'm already dressed.

No, actually, we're just... Come along.

The more, the merrier.

It's as Gaga would have wanted.

She's very inclusive.

I thought I was going to have to wait until Abuela left to get back at Ethan, but now I've been given a wonderful window to fight fire with fire.

Not real fire. Don't worry, I'm not Daphne.

This machine is part one.

And here comes part two.

Sweet revenge.

Huh, maybe I am a little like Daphne.

Chloe?

Hi.

You invited Chloe.

Great.

Yeah, since we decided it's okay to hang out with whoever, no matter what anybody else thinks.

Glad you're cool with me being here.

Thought you might find it awkward.

Not at all.

Can I talk to you for a sec?

The zipper on my sweatshirt's stuck again.

Guy's a mess. But you probably knew that by...

I thought you said you forgave me for hanging out with Aidan.

Yeah, not anymore.

There you go.

So, where's this game room you were telling me about?

Upstairs. I think you're really going to love it.

You, not so much.

So unfortunate they had to cancel that dance aerobics class at the last minute.

Glad I called.

Apparently, they had to fumigate for rats.

Great, big rats.

Oh, sorry.

She's too little for our class.

She'll have to wait in the kiddie play place.

Oh, no!

I'm so shocked.

Do I look shocked? Because I'm totally shocked.

Seems like they got some big rats in here, too.

Isn't this great?

You and me, cycling through the pretend Rockies.

Sorry, no talking.

Don't make Instructor Greg mad.

He might turn off the air conditioning.

Aww!

I heart you too, Daphne.

Yeah, I could heart her with my bare hands!

I'm just going to go check on her.

No talking! Yes, I get it, Greg!

Leave it on the bike. Yeah.

Wow, you Diazes are...

Overreacting? Disloyal?

...fun.

This game room is cool.

You have a roll-ball machine?

Remember, we don't want Abuela to think her trip is cursed.

We can't fight while she's here.

But lucky for us, Abuela's not here.

She'll be gone all afternoon.

Sorry we got us kicked out of class.

We're going straight home.

This hurts me more than it hurts you, but no fro-yo for anyone.

Oh, knock it off.

Sí. You too.

That is too funny.

Yeah. The jackpot happens when you get the ball in his burp hole...

I mean, mouth.

This isn't happening.

My favorite underwear has duckies on them.

They say "Hope you don't see my quack."

It's funny.

What are you doing?

You spilled my secrets, so I'm spilling yours.

Step right up, roll a ball, hear another secret.

I once ate a cupcake with my feet.

Because I stepped on it. There was cream cheese frosting between my toes, so I...

I'm bored. Are you bored?

Let's go downstairs and do any other thing.

When did I tell your secrets?

You told Aidan about Flea-az Diaz.

I would have been mad if you told anybody in the family, but my worst enemy, really? No, it...

Yay! Jackpot!

I got a pretzel stuck in my ear.

Make it stop.

I'm sorry, it's on auto-loop now.

You've got to get something extra for a jackpot.

If you won't stop it, I will.

I yawned and a bird pooped in my mouth.

Hey, that's my invention! Pooped in my mouth...

Shaving my chest...

Pooped in my mouth...

My chest... I cried... I cried...

Stop it! What are you...?

What is going on?

If that's our competition, we've been trying way too hard.

That's it! Family meeting!

Since you broke the game upstairs, I have a new one.

It's called, "Out with It."

No dice, no spinners, no giant face of Ethan... though it was a very cute picture.

Debatable.

What's going on with everyone?

Harley, why did you program that machine to say embarrassing things about your brother?

Because he broke our Flea-az Diaz pact.

I see.

Not really. Explain.

Oh, no. I'm not spilling her biggest secret twice.

You might as well know.

Aidan will probably tell you anyway.

I'm the one who gave everyone fleas at our family reunion that year.

But we had to cancel the big family picnic.

I blamed Uncle Rico for the fleas.

He has three dogs and a lot of arm hair.

It was me. I let Uncle Rico take the fall.

He was the most obvious suspect.

And he didn't help himself by forgetting my birthday that year.

Anyway, Ethan thought it would be fun for Aidan to know that story.

That's not why I told him.

Yeah, Harley's my BFTF.

You have six other siblings, and she's your best friend in the family?

They weren't assigned. You do get to pick, right?

It's kind of hard to explain.

It'd have to be.

It started when we were little...

And then you told him we're best friends because I had fleas?

That wasn't the point of it.

It's everything that came after.

When Harley got the fleas, she came to me for help.

She could have asked anyone else in the family, but I was the one she trusted.

From that day on, we were BFTFs.

I told him that story to make you look good.

Instead, I made you feel bad.

Not as bad as telling Chloe your secrets makes me feel right now.

It's okay.

But when did a bird poop in my mouth?

I made that up.

It sounded funny, so I threw it in there.

But just so you know, we're still BFTFs.

And, hey, I promise, secrets or no, I'll never speak to Aidan again.

Okay, one down... one to go.

You two, what was that fight in cycling class about?

What? What?

Out with it.

You love Harley more than us.

Not anymore. You're welcome.

Not ever!

Mijitas, Abuela doesn't play favorites.

I'm so sorry you felt that way.

Come here.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm!

Hey, that was one more squeeze than Harley got.

And we both got a bonus pat.

My adorable pepitas.

This is the best game of "Out with It" since Cousin Julio revealed he was secretly married.

Well, I'm glad you got one good thing out of today, because the rest of it was nothing but fighting.

Once again, your trip was cursed.

Fighting isn't a curse.

Every family fights.

But last time we fought you said your visit was cursed, and you didn't come back for months.

The fighting wasn't the curse.

It's what the fighting caused.

You kids broke the remote.

I didn't get to watch the season finale of my favorite telenovela.

That was the curse.

Oh!

This trip, curse-free.

Now, I was promised a game night.

Let's do it old-school.

See what board games you can dig up.

Hang on, am I allowed to be mad that Harley gave us fleas, or is it way too late for that?

Hey, look at that.

Chloe just texted me saying she wants to go out again.

She thought all those secrets made me seem interesting.

I do not understand girls.

I do.

That's why I rigged the machine, to get you guys back together.

You're just saying that to make yourself feel better.

Well, you understand this girl.

So, Dad, any chance you can come to my lacrosse tournament?

Oh, it's just, with you out of the country, it's been a while since I saw you.

To be honest, it's been tough here.

Yeah, you're right.

I'm sure I'll start meeting people.

Okay. I get it, Dad.

Maybe next time.

Hey, Aidan.

We're having game night. Want to join?

Seriously?

Seriously.