03x20 - Stuck in Harley's Quinceañera

[bunniefuu]

[birds tweeting]

[gasps and screams]

Not today! Not today!

I overslept! My quinceañera's tonight,

and I'm already an hour late preparing.

Why are you just standing there smiling?

Because we turned off your alarm.

We wanted you to sleep in,

so you'd be relaxed for your big day.

Swing and a miss, Mom. Swing and a miss.

My party starts in...

- [beeping]
- ...seven hours and minutes.

I'm supposed to be showered, dressed,

and eating half a chicken.

- For energy.
- Oh.

To get my dress, blow up balloons...

"Make sure Deathne's wearing
both a top and bottom."

We already started your list.

You took my list?

I thought we had an understanding.

No one takes anything
in the middle of the night

unless it's under the pillow.

You always take care of the family.

Today, let us take care of you.

This family?

Uh, thanks, but I feel like
the system's been working.

Besides, my party's theme is science.

My logo is a chemical element
I created for myself: Hd .

It does not react well to change.

A girl's quinceañera
is her passage into adulthood.

This is your last day as a child, Hd .

Enjoy it.

Just sit back and relax.

It's our gift to you.

Oh, feel free to regift that
on my birthday.

Hey, want to do something?

The family stole my to-do list.

Sorry, part of the crime ring.

Dad and I are picking up your dress.

Because it's the easiest job.

No. Because it's the most important.

As your best friend in the family,

I don't trust anyone else.

Hey, ready to do our easy job?

Important job, yes.

One more time, where, when and
how do we pick up this dress?

And should we keep the window down

so it doesn't get car stink?

[Suzy sighs]

Time, place, contact.

And of course keep the windows down.

Harley can't turn smelling
like an old meatball sub.

Guys, it's the easiest job.

All right, fine. You got me.

Want to do something?

Oh, sorry, can't.

Mom and I are off
to decorate the party hall.

I'm doing balloons.

Based on my chemistry grade,

that's the only thing I should touch

at a science-themed party.

Based on her hand-eye coordination,

I'm not feeling so good
about those balloons either.

[sighs]

Ethan's busy, Georgie's busy,

Rachel and Aidan
are on another continent.

Hey, Ellie's home for my quince.

My bestie's always up for some fun.

Sorry, busy.

But this is your last day to
spend time with your pal Harley

as a kid.

Can't.

I'm planning a big surprise for you.

Which I can't do
if I'm with Harley the kid.

Bye.

So...

you want to hang out?

♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ Sometimes it feels like
things are out of control ♪

♪ Like you're living in a circus ♪

♪ Trying to figure out
your way in the world ♪

♪ Where you're at is kind of perfect ♪

♪ So turn it up, turn it up ♪

♪ Do your thing, don't stop ♪

♪ Let the game begin,
let's jump right in ♪

♪ I want to get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the middle of the party ♪

♪ We're just getting started ♪

♪ I want to get stuck with you ♪

♪ In the eye of the tornado ♪

♪ Rowing in the same boat ♪

♪ I want to get stuck with you ♪

♪ Get stuck in the middle with you ♪

♪ I want to get stuck with you ♪

Okay, so I'm stepping outside
of my comfort zone

and letting my family take care
of my quince to-do list.

But here's one thing
I'm not letting them handle:

the box for my surprise
grand entrance tonight.

It says, "Science Jokes and Puzzles,"

because I knew they wouldn't touch it.

And "Box of Broccoli"
seemed too suspicious.

Nobody's getting a peek at this.

Not even you.

It's like we're building
a pop-up museum of Harley.

This stuff's adorable.

Oh, here's the sad face picture you drew

when you found out
Pluto wasn't a planet anymore.

Sure you guys don't need help?

Because my watch says you should
be heading out right now,

and you seem pretty here.

Wow, you're really bad at doing nothing.

Look what I found in the basement

when I was collecting things
for your collage.

Even as a kid you loved making lists.

That could be anybody's.

It's titled "Harley's Buck-kid List."

Aww, you misspelled "bucket."

[Harley] That's because
it's not a bucket list.

It's a "buck-kid" list.

Stuff you want to accomplish
while you're still a kid.

"Make a raft out of soda cans."

- Did it.
- "Convince Mom

to have a little sister."

Did it. Regret it.

[Harley] "Dance on a cloud" may
have been a little over-ambitious,

but there's only a handful left.

Hmm. It's a shame you didn't finish,

considering you're retiring
your childhood today.

Oh, my gosh, Georgie, you're right.

This is my last chance.

If I hurry up, I can finish
the list before my quince.

I can't believe Rachel got her boss

to make Harley an original
designer dress.

Bummer she couldn't get time off work.

- Aah! Whoa!
- [car tires screech]

What? What did I hit?

- Dr. Cream!
- What? A person? Where?

- I didn't even see him.
- No, no, no, no.

It's the hot new ice cream place.

And there's no line.

We have to go!

Ethan, I thought I just k*lled a man.

I am in no mood for a sweet treat.

Plus, Harley's going to be checking in.

We don't have time.

Not even for salted caramel ice cream

between two warm doughnuts?

Uh...

You think it's possible to get
the whole list done in a day?

This is a pretty aggressive itinerary

with a razor-thin timetable.

But you've come to the right place.

Giant pancake. Ball pit room.

Gelatin slip 'n slide.

Dance on a cloud.

It's not going to be easy,
but making history never is.

I'd want to spend my last day
as a kid with me too.

- [watch beeps]
- Oh.

Dad and Ethan should be
at the dress shop now.

I'm sure they've got it.

It was the easiest job.

I'll just make sure.

[cell phone rings]

[sighs]

- [Harley on phone] Hey, Ethan.
- Yeah, Harls, just got here.

Dresses as far as the eye can see.

Look. Sprinkles.

Sprinkles?

Shh!

Yeah. Sprinkles.

That's the dress shop owner's dog.

Who's a good boy?

[speaking gibberish]

All right, got to go.

That was Harley.

Surprise, she was checking up on us.

Please. We decided between
different flavor combinations.

I think we can pick up a dress.

[laughs]

Huh. Where's the car?

Towed?

You know, most girls go with flowers

for their centerpieces,
not molecular compounds.

And this is only high school science.

Can you imagine her wedding?

[sighs]

At least I brought
Harley's diagram to follow.

[sighs]

These are the instructions
for my step tracker,

which I also don't know how to use.

[Harley] First up: giant pancake.

Okay, aim every reflector
at the griddle.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Now, batter up.

[camera shutters clicking]

You know, like pancake batter?

Even adult Harley would enjoy that one.

[cell phone rings]

[gasps] It's Harley.

She's going to ask us how it's going.

Hey, Harls.

Hey, just a friendly check-in.
How's it looking?

I...

We...

♪ How's my baby daughter ♪

♪ On her th birthday? ♪

♪ Getting ready to be ♪

♪ A woman soon ♪

All right, sounds like
everything's going well. Bye.

Works every time.

Are you done yet?

Driveway's pre-heated.
Time to pour the batter.

Yeah!

- Go.
- Go.

Man, everything's going great today.

What do you mean the dress isn't here?

We're supposed to talk to... Fluoride.

No, that's not right.

Ah, Monique.

Monique?

Oh, you had an appointment an hour ago.

She had to leave.

Our car got towed.

We had to walk miles
to the impound lot.

Well, the dress probably
got restocked in the back room.

Do you know what it looks like?

Call Rachel.

She designed it based on Harley's idea

of the perfect dress.

Way ahead of you.

Ugh! Voicemail.

[Tom] You know what?

We can figure this out.

Where would the dress
have been restocked?

Why did we think this was the easy job?

This buck-kid list
doesn't stand a chance.

Okay, people, now butter it up.

- All right.
- Okeydoke.

♪ Let's keep it running, baby ♪

[camera shutters click]

Giant pancake: check.

♪ I don't want to come down ♪

♪ I don't want to come down ♪

♪ Yeah, I don't want To come down ♪

Ready...

set... go!

[all scream]

Ball pit room: check.

Next up: gelatin slip 'n slide.

[camera shutters clicking]

Here I go!

[excited yells]

We can't find the dress.

We ruined Harley's quince.

We can't do the decorations.

We ruined Harley's quince.

♪ I don't want to come down ♪

♪ I don't want to come down ♪

♪ I don't want to come down ♪

I can't get it off.

I ruined my quince.

No, no, no, no, no. No! Come on.

Huh. It says, "will stain clothes."

Skin is the clothes of your body,

so there you go.

How did I not see that?

Well, in your defense,
you are still a child.

I guess there's no reason
you can't dance on a cloud

if you're purple.

- Moving on.
- Forget the cloud.

I have to find a way
to get this off of me.

My quinceañera's in...

two hours!

As a father, you have to make
a lot of tough decisions.

But this was the toughest.

Taffeta or chiffon.

- This is satin.
- [sighs]

Oh, good, you got the dress.

Let's see.

[door closes]

Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, I get it.
It's horrible.

No, but really, where's Harley's dress?

No.

Uh, little snafu.

By the time we got there...

By the time you got there?

Guys, I wrote it down!

I gave you the easiest job,
and you still messed it up?

How'd the centerpieces turn out?

Great.

I just followed the directions.

These directions?

You wrote the dress pickup
instructions here.

So, if we're keeping track,

you guys messed up more than us.

And you didn't even get ice cream.

You got ice cream?

[gasps] Congratulations.

You ruined Harley's quince.

[Harley] Actually...

Harley did that all by herself.

You're purple.

Was one of the things
on your list "be a grape"?

[laughs]

I've taken two showers,
and it still won't come off.

I don't know, it kind of
gives you a nice, rosy...

yeah, I can't spin this.

I never should have given up control.

This is a nightmare.

Hello?

- [all cheer]
- [Tom] Rachel's here!

[all] Rachel!

Rachel, you said you couldn't be here.

Changed my mind. I told Christian Lamond

he could fire me, but I'm going.

Turns out, he likes a girl with 'tude.

Then you're going to be a superstar.

[all laugh]

Yeah, well, I don't have enough 'tude

to pull off this look
at my quince, so...

Oh, no, no, no, no.

I did not fly across the ocean
for a big party

to have this family ruin it
with their Diaz-ness.

I love your enthusiasm,
but we only have an hour

and I look like pie filling.

Soaking in a tub of fresh
lemon juice and vinegar

will remove any stain.

What? My clothes, this house?

You think I don't know
how to remove a stain?

You guys, we need every lemon

from Miss Peters' greenhouse.

- Got it.
- Dad, Ethan...

Oh, please be the easy thing.

No! I don't know
what that means anymore.

Go back to the store.

I'll text you a picture of the dress,

and pretend I'm not related to
the people that picked out that.

Mom, Georgie,

take the instructions and make
those dorky centerpieces

how Harley wanted them.

[Harley] Hey, they're not dorky.

They're just molecular compounds...

okay, yeah.

[laughs]

You have no idea how much this means...

Save the sweet. You need to soak

so I can make you look more princess

and less Papa Snoozleberry.

Well, for a family that just
got dressed on the drive over,

I think we clean up pretty nice.

Luckily, we run late a lot,
and most of the makeup's

already in the glove compartment.

[gasps]

[all] Wow.

[Georgie] I hope things are
working out with Harley.

Oh, Rachel just texted me from the cab.

Is this emoji laughing-crying,
or crying-crying?

- Laughing.
- Crying.

- Hey.
- How'd it go?

We did everything we could,

but all the lemons
in the world couldn't...

[Harley] Hey, guys.

I heard there was a party?

Oh, come on, you were supposed

to let them suffer a little longer.

[all cheer]

Wow, look at this place.

It's amazing.

I wasn't sure you guys
could pull it off,

but everything turned out perfect.

When I become an adult,

I'm gonna start
letting you guys do more.

[all laugh]

Thank you, Harls.

And you look gorgeous.

Thank you.

Rotten bananas, rotten bananas.

[sniffles]

I'm trying not to cry.

I can't pinch my ear,
because my nails are wet.

Chocolate fountain!

[Beast] Yeah!

Ellie!

[both laugh]

- Hey.
- Hey!

You smell like lemonade.

Yeah, long story.

I could charge cents
for a cup of my sweat.

Time for my present.

I made it because one Harley
is not enough.

Especially on her quince,

when everybody wants to get a picture.

It has changeable faces to take
you through the whole night.

Beaming Harley, dancing Harley,

emotional Harley,

no-more-cake-I'll-burst Harley.

I was only going to go with one face,

but it was impossible
which one of you I liked best.

I love it.

There's only one Ellie,

and I'm so lucky to have her
as my best friend.

- Let's take a selfie.
- Okay.

[camera shutters click]

Hey, we're about to let the guests in.

So unless your entrance is some type of

"before and after" thing, you better go.

[watch beeps]

Right on schedule.
Time for my grand entrance.

It's been six months of blood,
sweat and tears.

Well, no tears.

But those will be coming from you,

because this is going to blow your mind.

Where's the box I brought from home?

Uh, box? I don't see a box.

It said "Science Jokes and
Puzzles" on it, and it's gone.

Oh, then you're better off.

I had it when I left the house.

I remember I put it
on top of the taxi...

Oh, no.

No!

My grand entrance into adulthood

just blew off the top of a taxi.

I was going to...

doesn't matter now.

There's no need for you
to be as disappointed as me.

I've looked forward to this day
for years,

and now...

I'm going to need a minute.

I can't believe it.

I was so worried
about you guys messing up.

And I made the one mistake
that can't be fixed.

But you're Harley.

You can fix anything.

Yeah, this isn't our first
quince dark moment.

[sighs]

Remember mine?

I sprained my ankle, a hurricane hit.

I was ready to give up.

But you built a hoverboard
so I could dance.

That's what you do.

You turn Diaz disasters
into opportunities.

Plus...

this dress is way too nice for
you to be crying in a corner.

So get off your flowery butt
and make it work.

Thanks, guys.

But part of growing up

is accepting that there are
some things even I can't fix.

Aww, sounds like someone needs
one of my famous

heartfelt speeches.

[clears throat]

Now, Harley, have you ever been...

Stop.

Trust me, I've done it a thousand times.

It'll work.

Now, Harley, have you ever been...

No, I mean stop.

I just got an idea.

Give me minutes,
then gather everyone.

I've got a grand entrance to make.

I'm still taking credit for that.

And now, the moment we have
all been waiting for.

Introducing our quinceañera queen:

element Hd ,

more commonly known as Harley Diaz!

[cheers and applause]

- Oh!
- Oh, no.

Did we just pep-talk her
into taking a -foot swan dive?

♪ Light the way ♪

♪ Things will always turn around ♪

♪ If you seize the day ♪

♪ You've got to find the spark ♪

♪ That will pull you out ♪

♪ Of wherever you are ♪

♪ And make this your time ♪

♪ Don't let it pass you by ♪

It's like she dances on a cloud.

She finished her buck-kid list.

♪ Take a chance this time ♪

♪ Stop standing there in line ♪

♪ Say it's mine ♪

♪ And seize the day ♪

♪ And they can never bring you down ♪

[applause]

♪ Light the way ♪

♪ Things will always turn around ♪

♪ If you seize the day ♪

♪ Whoa-oh ♪

That was incredible.

Next time, just warn me
so I don't have a heart att*ck.

[laughs]

I can't believe my -year-old
just double-pirouette

dropped her way into womanhood.

- You want me to pinch your ear?
- [both laugh]

I'm so glad you made it back.

I wouldn't miss it.

Oh, and if Dad asks,

the only thing available
was business class.

Oh, my little sister is all grown up.

What am I going to do without you?

You realize I'm going to see you
tomorrow, right?

[laughs]

I've got to tell you something,

but you have to promise
to keep it Flea-az Diaz.

Promise.

You're my best friend
outside of the family, too.

Aww.

[laughs]

Yeah!

[Harley narrating] Turns out,
despite all my preparation,

my quince was still full of surprises.

Aidan?

I thought you left.

My father has a million
frequent flyer miles.

And your sisters are very convincing.

♪ Come back, come back to life ♪

♪ Seize the day ♪

[Harley narrating]
Nothing went according to plan.

But everything turned out
exactly how I wanted.

Because even though science is my life,

my life isn't a science.

I can make all the lists

and have all the data,

and still not be able
to predict how any day will go.

[camera shutters click]

And you know what?

I'm good with that.

Maybe that's what
it really means to grow up.

♪ Come back, come back to life ♪

♪ Seize the day ♪

[all] ...Eight, seven,

six, five, four,

three, two, one.

Happy Quince, Harley!

[all cheer]

Not so long ago I thought

being stuck in the middle of this family

meant I was Wednesday,
the forgotten kid.

Now I realize,

being in the middle means
I have love on all sides.

My family gave me the best quince ever.

There's only one way to thank them.

Doughnuts!

[kids shouting excitedly]

[Ethan] Yeah!

[indistinct chatter]

[all shout]

♪ It's a good life ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ It's a good, good life ♪