04x23 - Whisper Toots

[bunniefuu]

Hey, Ava!

Alex sent me another old-timey letter in a bottle!

It's like getting a message from a desert island, only the desert island is college, and all the messages are written in Helvetica.

That hunk can really knows how to pick a font.

Fair warning, Lou, that is my brother and I will vomit.

Did you know he joined a historical pirate fiction book club?

He did? Oh!

I am gonna destroy him at Thanksgiving.

I wish I had a book club.

Or at least friends my own age, who talk about things that don't have to do with camp.

It's been a minute since I've had a mature adult conversation.

Everyone I talk to here is either supplying it or denying it.

Come on! I think you might be exaggerating.

MATTEO: The popping is so satisfying!

FINN: And I've farted three times and no one has heard any of them!

Yeah, I think you need some new friends.

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

♪ Kikiwaka, Kikiwaka ♪

Matteo, what are you doing out here?
Wake up!

Was I asleep?

You better hurry if you want any breakfast.

Today is chocolate chip pancakes.

It's full-on "Lord of the Flies" in there.

That's okay.

(YAWNING) I'm not really hungry.

Why are you so tired? (YAWNS)

(YAWNING) I'm not tired.

(YAWNS) Stop yawning.

(YAWNS) I can't.

I'm getting out of here.

Hey, Noah!

What's wrong with Matteo? He's exhausted.

No idea. But I'm really tired, too.

I keep having these weird dreams about Matteo sneaking out at night.

Noah,

I don't think that's a dream.

I think Matteo is sneaking out.

He is?

Does that mean I really did marry Beyonce last night?

Wait. If Jay-Z shows up, I'm not here.

Wait. But I really wanna meet Jay-Z.

What were we talking about again?

Hey, Gwen. What you up to?

I just finished my sixth book.

And I just finished my sixth pancake.

We're really setting the world on fire today, aren't we?

What do you think I should read next?

I've got the perfect book for you.

It's got it all.

A cover, words, a back cover.

I'm likin' it. I'm likin' it.

It's called Gibbons Book of Amazing Records.

Ooh, what's that about?

It's full of people who've set cool records.

Like longest beard or loudest armpit fart.

That title's held by Karl Thunder Pits Pierce.

He plays those pits like a violin.

He also pays the violin with his pits.

I'd do anything to be in a book.

But do you really think I have what it takes to set a record?

I'll answer that with a quote from Thunder Pits Pierce's autobiography.

(ARMPIT FART)

So, is that a yes?

Why do we care about a broken call box nobody's used in years?

Ava, did I, or did I not, tell you I would teach you how to fix things?

Okie doke, let's skedaddle.

MARTHA: Rhubarb, sage, turmeric, a sprig of hemlock, a dash of mugwort and an eye...

Hi, sisters!

I'm Martha. Welcome.

Thanks.

To what?

Oh, we're just having a little meeting of our women's empowerment circle.

Sometimes it's nice to get away from the day-to-day and just have a hang with some girlfriends, you know?

I do know.

No pressures of the job, no whiny kids.

Lou! I wanna go.

Ava, don't make me start counting.

So, what do you guys do?

Oh, you know, just commune with nature, swap herbal remedies, stuff like that.

Today we were sharing some recipes.

What kind of recipes come out of an old leather book with a spine made out of...

Is that a spine?

Oh, well, if we told you, we could never let you leave.

Kidding! They're mostly for hummus.

Well, I think it's great that you guys do this.

It can be so easy to get wrapped up in your work and not make time for a social life.

Right? At the end of the day, it's just us ladies against the world.

And all of our mortal enemies.

Hummus?

Right, well, sorry to bother you, but we really better go. Right, Lou?

No, stay, join us.

The more we women stick together, the more powerful we become, right?

Amen, sister.

It's a hum-must!

(ALL CACKLING)

Lou, a word?

You cannot join that group!

Hanging with creepy strangers in the middle of the woods is how every horror movie starts ever!

Ava, I need this.

Plus, you said I should make some new friends outside the group and I like them.

They're nice and outdoorsy and that hummus was a delight.

A little hemlock-y, but whatcha gonna do?

I'm in! Yay!

Okay, do you have a broom for our next meeting, or do you need a loaner?

Why do you have so many brooms?

Why do you ask so many questions?

(ALL CACKLING)

Finn, is that melted sugar working as glue?

Yup!

If my fingers weren't sugar glued together,

I'd be giving you two thumbs up.

Perfect.

Now, all we have to do is put on the graham cr*cker top, and the record for largest s'more is ours!

And then I'll be in a book!

(SCREAMS)

Finn, are you okay?

I'm delicious!

See, I told you he was sneaking out!

Where do you think he's going?

I don't know.

I hope my little Grizz isn't mixed up in something dangerous!

I doubt it.

This is the same guy who excuses himself to "tinkle tinkle."

Okay, we saw Matteo walk in here, so where is he?

The better question is, Where are we?

Oh, this is Miss Tilly's Inn.

The best place in the woods to get scones.

Also the only place.

Noah, hello!

I'm Miss Tilly.

Would you like to be wrapped in an afghan or a grandmotherly hug?

With all my heart, but we don't have time for that.

We saw Matteo walk in here.
Have you seen him?

Of course I have!

He's why everyone is here on a Tuesday.

Also because I raffle off a pretty sweet deer leg.

Make yourselves comfy.

Welcome all, to Miss Tilly's After Dark.

(CROWD SNAPPING FINGERS)

Tonight we have a man performing who needs no introduction.

The Master of Mellow, the Captain of Cool.

You know him, you love him, so let's give him a big round of applause.

(PIANO PLAYING)

Hey there, cool cats.
Good to be back in the rump.

As you know, I'm... Frankie Whispers.

BOTH: Frankie Whispers?

Thank you, everyone.
You all are so beautiful.

Much like the people of (CATALAN ACCENT) Barcelona.

Matteo has a lounge act?

I don't know anything about anything anymore.

(SCATTING)

(EVERYONE SCATTING)

(SCATTING)

(EVERYONE SCATTING)

Okay. I knew Matteo spoke French and Spanish, but I didn't know he spoke Scubidadoob-ish.

Well, that's my first set.

Don't forget that two scone minimum and make sure to tip your Tilly.

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

You know you need permission to leave camp.

Is this why you've been so tired lately?

Yes, and follow up question...

Why?

I used to play piano for my grandma and her bridge club and I missed it.

And then one day, I saw this spectacular jacket at a thrift store.

I put it on and

Frankie Whispers was born.

So, I have to know.
What do you think of my act?

Be honest.

It's like nothing I've ever seen before.

It's, um...

Ah... Wow!

The word is definitely wow.

I'm so happy you liked it!

Stick around for my second set.

If you're lucky, you might walk away with a real groovy deer leg!

You dig? (CLICKS TONGUE)

This is the one.

Making the longest macaroni necklace is definitely going to get us into that record book.

I can't believe we used all the macaroni in camp.

I hope everybody enjoys "and cheese" for dinner tonight.

Now we have to measure.
Where's your end?

I tied it to the boat dock.

(MOTOR BOAT REVS)

Or maybe it was to the boat.

Well, Ava, I hate to say I told you so.

Since when?

I just came back from hanging out with my "creepy" new friends in the woods and all we did was cook together.

In what?

A big old pot.

Like a cauldron?

No, Ava. Like a big ol' pot.

Lou, don't you think your new friends are a bit... witchy?

Oh, so you think just because a group of women get together to throw things in a cauldron and read from a recipe book that seems to mention frogs a lot, and yes, I'm hearing it, but that still doesn't mean they're witches!

Come on, Lou!

I don't even believe in witches and I know they're witches!

You know what I think?

I think you're just jealous that I have friends outside of camp now.

Well, you'll have to get used to it, because they're initiating me into the group tonight.

Initiating? How?

I'm not sure, it's a secret.

But that reminds me, I'm supposed to bring my own Kn*fe.

Your own Kn*fe?

Yes. And for the record, they told me they were really happy to have some fresh blood in the group.

So, yeah, I'm already pretty popular.

(PLAYING KEYBOARD) Stay frosty.

And remember, don't do what I wouldn't do.

Unless it's righteous.

Oh. Hi, guys.

Hey, Matteo.

Or should I say, Frankie Whispers?

We heard you rehearsing. You have another performance at Miss Tilly's?

Better. I'm taking the show on the road.

The road to Camp Kikiwaka!

What?

I asked Lou if I could perform at our next campfire.

And she said yes!

Why on Earth would you...

(EXHALES)

Why?

I've always wanted to perform as Frankie Whispers at camp.

I was just afraid kids my own age wouldn't like it.

But after you both said you loved it,

I realized Frankie will be a...

(SCATTING)

Hit.

Neat.

Well, we should let you get back to rehearsing.

Noah!

We have to stop him.

Matteo's act is fine for the Miss Tilly's crowd, but if he performs in front of the camp he's going to (SCATTING) die up there!

Or maybe it's not as bad as we think.

(SCATTING)

Ooh, I like that.

Mmm-hmm, we gotta stop him.

You watch the door.
I'll find the jacket.

I don't like this.

It's a cardinal sin of showbiz to steal another performer's glitz.

What if he gets back at me by stealing my Shakespearean jerkins?

We have to do this. You heard Matteo.

He needs the jacket to become Frankie Whispers.

No jacket, no humiliating performance in front of the camp.

He probably keeps it close by.

Ascot. Ascot. Pocket square.

Ascot. Spats?

Where's that jacket?

NOAH: Found it.

Matteo?

We're wearing the jacket around camp, now?

It was wrinkled, so I hiked out to the bog and stood over the thermal vents to steam it.

So, yeah, that's what you're smelling.

What are you doing in my Dandy Duffle?

Um... just curious.

Why do you have so many ascots?

They're called day cravats!

And what's going on?

Maybe we should just tell him.

Fine.

Matteo...

(SIGHS) we were going to take your jacket so you couldn't perform as Frankie Whispers at the next campfire.

Why would you do that?

We're just a little worried if you do your act for the camp you'll embarrass yourself.

How? You saw it.

You both really liked...

Wait. You did like it, right?

We were just trying to be nice.

Oh.

I see.

Well, I guess now I know how you guys really feel.

But hey, you can still perform at Miss Tilly's!

Yeah, they love you there!

Do they?

What if they're just pretending, too?

You know what?

Just take it. And keep it.

I'm done with Frankie Whispers.

Apparently he's just an embarrassment.

Hi, I'm Gwen, and I'm about to break the amazing record for quickest log carving.

And I'm Film and I'm the one Finning.

Nope.

It's fine, let's just do this.

Okay, ready?

And go.

(PANTS) Done. So, what's my time?

Let's check the video.

Uh, Gwen?

Bad news.

The camera was on selfie.

But we may have set a record for best looking guy in goggles.

You know what? We should just give up.

Gwen, it's okay, we can still try...

None of this is working. I'll never set an amazing record.

It was stupid to think I could be in a book anyway.

(DOOR CLOSES)

What's up, ladies?

Who's ready to get their initiation on?

Oh, this girl!

Lou. Welcome.

Oh! Sorry.

Kinda misread the forest, there.

We've asked you here tonight, under the light of the full moon, to make a sacrifice.

Are you willing to make a sacrifice for your sisters?

Uh, sure.

Did you bring the Kn*fe?

Uh, what's going on?

If we're gonna do a group hug, I should probably put the Kn*fe down.

No you don't.

No one's gonna hurt Lou! Yeah!

Wait, what?

They probably wanted to use you for one of their witchy recipes.

That's why they wanted you to bring your own Kn*fe!

Right, Martha?

Uh, no!

We asked Lou to bring a Kn*fe so she could help mash garbanzos.

In case you couldn't tell, we're really into hummus.

Then what was that sacrifice you were talking about?

Dues. $ a month.

Mostly goes toward garbanzos.

I guess I had you guys all wrong.

Ya think?

Martha, I am so sorry about all this.

Would you please tell Ava, once and for all, that you all are not witches?

Oh, but we are witches.

BOTH: You are?

Why didn't you say so?

We don't usually like to lead with the witch thing.

It can scare people off.

Okay. Okay.

So you're are all witches.
What's so wrong with that?

I'd still be proud to be part of a sisterhood that teaches life skills, honors nature and values supporting other women.

We also try to ride the brooms.

Yeah, I'm out.

Hey, Gwen. Can I sit with you?

Yeah. But it's too bad you can't sit next to someone as amazing as the woman with -foot long toenails.

She has it all.

Except for close-toed shoes.

You are as amazing as she is!

Gwen, I'm so sorry.

I messed everything up for you.

You didn't do it on purpose.

I guess I just fall in love with all the cool people in the books I read.

I got excited thinking I could be like them.

Maybe you still can.

Gwen and Finn: A Record-Breaking Friendship.

You made this for me?

Someone as amazing as you deserves to be in a book.

It's got our macaroni necklace.

And our bear sculpture!

Everything we did is in here!

Do you like it?

In the words of Thunder Pits Pierce.

(ARMPIT FART)

That much?

Hey, Ava.

I'm sorry I didn't believe you earlier about Martha and her, uh, pact with dark, ancient forces.

Lou, I know you really wanted some new, mature friends, but think about what would have happened if they hadn't been witches.

I'd have six women to laugh with, love and support?

Exactly. Exhausting!

Still, it was nice to have a life outside of work.

For a little while, at least.

Look, I know I'm not super old like you.

Easy.

But if you want...

I'll start a book club with you.

- You will?
- Yeah.

And I know a great book to start with.

It's a collection of essays on the nature of reality!

Or, as fun as that sounds, maybe we could read a little historical fiction?

Like, Pirate Booty and the Beast?

- This isn't gonna work, is it?
- Nope.

ALL: ♪ B-I-N-G-O B-I-N-G-O

♪ And Bingo was his name-o ♪

That was fantastic!

One more time!

No thanks.

Okay, well, our scheduled headliner canceled, so in his place we have

The bongo stylings of Tippy Jams and the hot blasts of

Mr. Toots.

Really?

Happy to be here, daddy-o.

But we can't play our set without the third member of our trio, ya dig?

So please give a spicy welcome to Frankie Whispers!

What are you two doing?

Supporting our friend.

But you said I shouldn't do this, that I'd embarrass myself.

Maybe you will, maybe you won't.

There's no way to know if you don't try.

And you're going to try with me?

That's what friends do.

And who knows? Maybe they'll love us.

Maybe they will.

I actually have a pretty good feeling about this.

Okay, cool cats, let's jam.

Hey, everyone, lookin' good out there.

We are...

Whisper Toots.

Of course you are.

So, how we feelin' Camp Kikiwaka?

Feelin' quiet, huh? That's cool.

So, did Chef Jeff burn some Mound of Brown?

Because it is smokin' out here!

This one always gets some snaps.

(SCATTING)

Show of hands.

Anyone been to
(CATALAN ACCENT) Barcelona?

(IN NORMAL VOICE) Barcelona?

Alrighty.

We're gonna take a pause for the cause, a break for the sake and we'll be right back.

How long is our break?

Forever! They really don't like us.

Let's skittli-skattli-scoot.

Okay.

Who wants ice-cream?

(ALL CHEERING)

Always a crowd pleaser.

Even though Frankie Whispers wasn't a hit with the Kikiwaka audience,

I'm glad you're back to doing Tilly's After Dark.

Me, too. And thanks for coming out tonight, guys.

I really appreciate the support.

I bet it'll feel good to be back in front of your adoring fans.

Miss Tilly, where are you going?

Oh, no, didn't I tell you?

We had to cancel Tilly's After Dark this week.

I got invited to join a women's group and tonight is my initiation.

Sorry to rush out.

Oh, now let's see, jacket, keys... Kn*fe. Tootle-ooo!