05x02 - Forty: Part Two

[bunniefuu]

♪

♪ Shadows are falling ♪

♪ And I'm running out of breath ♪

♪ Keep me in your heart for a while ♪

♪

♪ If I leave you, it doesn't mean ♪

♪ I love you any less ♪

♪ Keep me in your heart for a while ♪

♪ When you get up in the morning ♪

♪ And you see that crazy sun ♪

♪ Keep me in... ♪

No. I still haven't heard anything.

(SIGHS) I'm really trying not to freak out, Tobe.

♪ There's a train leaving... ♪

Wait, someone's at the door.

No, it's just Kevin and Madison.

Oh, well, hello to you, too.

Um, will you just keep looking?

Just... I'll call you if I hear anything.

Okay.

- What's up?
- (SIGHS) Oh, God.

Mom went to get a birthday cake, and she hasn't come back.

I tried calling her.
She's not answering.

So, Toby went to the bakery, and apparently, she didn't even make it there.

- MADISON: Oh, my God.
- KEVIN: Okay. I-I'm-I'm gonna go...

I'm gonna go look for her.
I'm gonna go help.

- Uh, are you okay?
- MADISON: Yeah.

- No, yeah, go.
- You sure?

- Yeah.
- Wait, what's going on?

Uh, no, nothing.
I had a little morning sickness,

- but...
- MIGUEL: Oh, thank God. Um...

Yes.

Yes. Of course.

Um, thank you very much.

Yeah, we're here.

Okay.

S-So, the cops have her.

She, uh... She had an episode.

They're bringing her back here.

Let's all just, um...

Let's just stay calm.

We don't know what kind of state she's gonna be in, and-and I don't want to panic her.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

OFFICER: All right, ma'am, you're home.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Mom, come on in.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Thank you very much for bringing her home.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

♪

Okay, thanks.
Oh, how's she doing back there?

Uh, she's laying down.

She's a little nauseous.

My fiancée's got morning sickness at all hours of the day.

COP: Oh. Try ginger tea.

- Hey.
- Madison okay?

Yeah. Yeah, she's okay.

- Did you hear anything from Mom's doctor?
- No.

Miguel left her a message.

Kev, she was...

she was gone.

Like, like, her face was not her face.

I know.

It's too soon. I'm not ready for this.

Yeah, me neither.

Obviously, at some point, you're gonna need to explain your use of the word "fiancée."

Yeah, it's a long story.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Well, it's a long car ride home.

True that. Yeah.

Okay, so, Kev, I tried calling you for, like, two hours, and you weren't answering.

- I'm sorry.
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

(DOOR OPENS)

I didn't... I didn't know you were, uh...

Yeah.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Hi.

Hey.

I was just gonna call you about Mom.

The cops found her.
They brought her home, so she's-she's here.

She's safe. She's-she's resting, so...

Well, I wish I could give you a massive hug,

- but I don't know when you were...
- I'm-I'm good.

I get COVID tested three times a week at city hall.

Plus Beth's turned into Fauci at home, so...

You guys?

Yeah, we're g... We, um, we quarantined for days before we got here, so we're all good.

- (SCOFFS)
- Okay.

I want to see her.

- She upstairs?
- BOTH: Yeah.

Randall.

There's no way we could've known this was gonna happen.

She was great before this.
You can ask Kate.

I'm not questioning you, Kev.
I believe you.

She's home, and that's what matters.

It's cool.

Cool.

Oh, hey...

Thank you for coming.

I know the last thing that you need right now is a terrified, panicked text from your sister.

- (PAINED GASPS)
- (WILLIAMS SPEAKS SOFTLY)

(BABY CRYING)

♪

Randall.

- What...
- Hey.

Sweetheart, I thought...

I thought you weren't gonna make it.

What, you think I'd miss our birthday?

REBECCA: Oh...

(SIGHS)

You know.

- Kate called me.
- Mm.

Are Beth and the girls with you?

No, they're back home.

- Next time.
- (SIGHS)

I'm clear. Kev said you are, too.

I just want to be vigilant.

- Sit.
- Oh.

(INHALES, EXHALES DEEPLY)

You want to tell me what happened?

Mm...

I, uh...

I don't even know what to say.

Um, I went into town...

... and then the next thing I knew...

(SIGHS) William was there.

I mean, obviously not William, but I...

Oh, God, I could have sworn it was him.

I've been thinking about him a lot lately.

Ever since we had our conversation about the trial, and about me, um... keeping him from you.

We don't have to talk about that right now, Mom. That's...

Well, then, when?

Hmm?

Wh-What's going on there?

Oh, that's just some poison ivy.

Miguel and I have been gardening.

I already took something for it.

Do you think this would have happened in St. Louis?

I don't know.

- I'm sorry I pushed that on you.
- No.

No, no, no, sweetheart.

You have nothing to apologize for.

Are Beth and the girls with you?

No, Mom.

- Uh, next time.
- Okay.

(SIGHS)

Hey, excuse me, excuse me, um...

My wife is Rebecca Pearson.

I don't have an update yet, sir.

Okay, wait, I-I don't... I don't know what to do.

Um, what can I do?

You could pray.

(GASPS) Heh!

- What are you doing?
- Kevin, you need to talk to Randall.

Kev, I have tried my best to stay out of this, but now Randall's acting all weird with me, too.

We haven't even done our birthday chant, and that's like canon.

- Oh, Kate, Kate...
- No, Kevin.

The world is on fire.

This is enough. Fix it.

♪

(DOOR SQUEAKS OPEN)

Hey.

You know, after seeing all those Internet videos of random objects that are actually cakes, it's kind of a letdown to have a cake that just... looks like a cake.

You know... (SIGHS)

... when Rebecca and I first got here, we thought we were gonna be here for a week.

Two, max. Then that turned into a month.

Then two months.

But... she just kept feeling better.

And I... I'm not an idiot or anything like that.

I know that there's-there's no secret magic in the air that's gonna cure this, but... she just seemed like Rebecca again.

You know?

And now, with this...

Oh, man. It's just gonna take the legs right out from underneath her.

Okay, I'm gonna try to say something meaningful right now, Migs, and I got to warn you, it is gonna be a reach. So, you just bear with me, okay?

Okay.

(CLEARS THROAT)

So every morning, I take milligrams of an antidepressant.

Uh, I'm not sure who else knows that besides Kate, but it's-it's not a big deal.

So, about a month after I started taking, uh, the meds,

I called my doctor to renew my prescription.

And he said, "Oh, no, don't worry about it. You have a*t*matic refills."

That hit me... really hard.

You know, it just made it feel so indefinite, so... so permanent.

I said, "Is there ever gonna be a time "when I am not on these meds?

I mean, is-is this ever gonna end?"

And... and then he... (LAUGHS)

He says, "One day at time."

- Hmm.
- One day at a time.

An excellent TV show, and a terrible answer to my question.

Now, I don't know how it feels to stare down Alzheimer's.

But I do know how it feels to look at your life and to see all the things that you want from it, and to have them all seem so unattainable.

Rebecca had a bad day.

She's gonna have more.

You know.

My long-winded advice is for you to remind her that to you, her happy future is very real.

One day at a time.

It's a great show.

The reboot is better.

- I know.
- (LAUGHS)

I'm the one who started the hashtag to get it revived

- after it got canceled.
- Is that right?

You don't cancel Rita Moreno.

- (PHONE BUZZES)
- Amen.

- Yeah.
- (CHUCKLES)

Oh, this is Rebecca's doctor from L.A.

- Yeah, go ahead.
- I got to take this.

Hello. Hi, uh, Dr. Whitaker.

Is that her doctor?
I need to speak with her.

Yeah, yeah. This, uh...
It was this afternoon.

- Give me the...
- It was a very severe episode.

Miguel, I'd like to talk to her.

Randall, just hold on one second, please. Uh...

Ask her if anything could have

- negatively interacted with her meds.
- Just...

Ask her about the allergy medicine, the one she took for poison ivy. Here.

Are you sure she took this?

Yeah, she told me.

Hey, Dr. Whitaker, uh, yeah.

It looks like Rebecca took an antihistamine with...

Yes, diphenhydramine.

I do remember it from the list.

Okay. Right.

So it could have been a reaction to the...

Thank God. Okay.

Yes, she's resting right now.

Yes.

Absolutely. Yes, I will.

♪

Please forgive me.

I'm so sorry.

She was in... so much pain.

- (BABY CRYING)
- Shh.

It's okay. Shh.

It's okay. You've been crying all night.

- Aren't you tired? Huh?
- (CRYING CONTINUES)

- (GROANS)
- Still bad?

(GROANS)

We should go to the clinic,

- try to get you looked at.
- No.

If I tell that doctor I'm on methadone to get clean, he'll look at me like I'm dirt.
Less than.

- Laurel, please.
- No!

(CRYING CONTINUES)

(LAUREL GROANING)

I need you to get me some stuff for the pain.

Please. I've been good.

I have.

LAUREL: It just... It hurts so bad.

I just need a little help.
Just need a little help.

Okay? Just one more time.

(BABY CRYING LOUDLY)

So I can be there for the baby.

♪

I-I can't do it by myself.

I can't take care of him.

I'm so sorry.

(SOBBING)

Please be with him.

Please take care of him.

(DOOR OPENS)

Excuse me.

♪

He used to pray so hard you could see the veins in his neck.

Yeah, I remember that.

The veins in his neck.

Never knew what he was asking for.

I used to tell myself he was asking to be better.

Better to us.

A better man.

And then I would pray.

Pray that it would work. That he would change.

Then, when he never did...that's when I gave up on all of this.

Every hand you've dealt me has been crap.

But still, I kept trying.

All these years... trying to always do what's right.

Trying to be the better man; the man that he never was.

Has that made you laugh... seeing me try?

Knowing that, somewhere deep down... in spite of everything, that I probably still believed.

The only good thing that has ever happened to me is her, and if you...

(SIGHS)

Please do not take her away from me.

I am begging you.

I'm on my knees begging for her.

Begging for my children.

Take me if you want, just don't...

Just don't.

Don't you dare.

KATE: I had no idea that medications could interact that way.

- And they're sure it's temporary?
- That's what the doctor said.

Said a reaction like that can cause an episode and then it can just wear off.

It was a hell of a catch, Randall.

Back at you.

We're lucky you came, Randall.

- Honestly.
- Yeah.

I'm just happy she's okay.

So, um... I'm gonna take off.

Wait, what? Now?

- But cake.
- I, uh...

I promised Beth and the girls that I'd get home tonight.

They got a whole thing planned, so...

- Miguel.
- Drive safe.

Tobias.

Sis.

Kev.

Bye again.

(DOOR SQUEAKS, SHUTS)

Hey, Randall.

So, I was, uh... I was hoping that you and Kev would talk, you know?

- Clear the air.
- Kate...

I'm not taking any sides.

I know I live in L.A. with him, but I am totally Switzerland on this one.

Okay.

Randall.

Are we good?

I mean, I've been texting and reaching out, and I haven't heard anything back, really, and...

I'm just so worried about... about you and Beth and the girls.

You know, with everything that's going on in the news.

I'm so overwhelmed by it, I can't even imagine what you guys are all going through, so...

I'm so sorry.

Sorry about what?

Specifically, what are you apologizing for?

I'm just... I'm... sorry about what's going on in the country

- and the protests and...
- Okay.

But you've never apologized before.

And this isn't the first Black person to be k*lled on camera.

No, it's... it's not.

I don't know, this feels different.

Not for me, Kate.

It-it's never been different for me.

We grew up in the same house.

Things like this have been happening to Black people for years, and we've never talked about it.

Not once.

Not once in years.

I don't know what to say.
I don't want to say...

- I don't want to say the wrong thing.
- Okay.

So, growing up, I, uh, I just had to keep so many things to myself because...

I didn't want to make you guys feel bad.

I didn't want you to have to worry about saying the wrong thing.

Oh, God...

Well, you're right. I mean, we never talked about it as kids, and I think Mom and Dad did the best they could,

I guess, but... but I didn't get involved, I-I didn't even...

See, I hate this, Kate.

I hate seeing you upset.

And normally I would hug you, and I would tell you that you did all the right things.

I would try to make it all okay for you.

But if I did that, Kate...

If I made things better for you, then where does that leave me?

I'm sorry, but I can't do that.

That has been my pattern all my life.

And honestly, Kate, it is exhausting.

I'm exhausted.

And all I want to do right now is go home and be with my wife and my girls.

Okay.

Okay, um...

I love you.

I love you, too.

Happy birthday, sis.

Happy birthday.

♪

(PHONE LINE TRILLING)

STANLEY (OVER PHONE): Yeah?

It's Jack.

Been a while.

Yeah.

You okay?

Yeah. I...

No, I...

I don't know.

Can I ask you something?

What were you praying for? I mean, you know, back when we used to go to church.

You need money again or something?

Wh-what's going on?

No, I'm good.

I don't know why I called.
I was just... having a day.

Uh... I'll let you go.

- I hope you're okay.
- Jack.

Yeah?

Uh, I prayed my kids would turn out better than I did.

I'm trying, Pop.

I'm really trying.

Yeah, I-I know.

- I gotta go.
- Hey, Jackie?

Yeah?

Happy birthday, kid.

♪ I been down this road before ♪

♪ I remember every tree... ♪

Thanks, Pop.

♪ Every single blade of grass ♪

♪ Holds a special place for me ♪

♪ And I remember every town ♪

♪ And every hotel room ♪

♪ Every song I ever sang ♪

♪ On a guitar out of tune ♪

♪ I remember everything ♪

♪ Things I can't forget ♪

♪ The way you turned and smiled on me... ♪

And he wound up here.

Exact same place, exact same day.

♪ Your ocean eyes of blue... ♪

Just look at him, Bec.

Placed right there.

Right next to ours.

♪ Like roses miss the dew. ♪

Hey, Randall.

Hey, listen, I just wanted to, uh...

Just wanted to say thanks for, uh... thanks for coming out, you know,

I really appreciate it. If you hadn't, we, uh...

No. Yeah, of course.

(MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY)

Yeah.

- I should go to b*at the traffic.
- Yeah.

Hey, Randall, uh...

I'm having a-a girl.

A girl and a boy. We just found out.

Congratulations, Kev. That's great news.

Thanks.

Yeah, you're the first person
I've told. (CHUCKLES)

And I feel like, I don't know, I feel like the boy, you know, I was a boy once, I can handle a boy, right?

But the girl, I...

Ooh! So...

Anyway, you got any advice for me?

You'll let her get away with anything.

But her mom will be there to fix your mistakes.

Mom will probably be better at everything, honestly.

Yeah.

Yeah, she probably will be.

You know, in the strangest of ways...

I feel like I might have... really found someone really special, you know?

I gotta go.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday, Randall.

(ENGINE STARTS)

(CAR DRIVES AWAY)

♪

You gonna keep staring at me, or you gonna tell me your name?

WILLIAM: (CHUCKLES) I don't know.

WILLIAM: You gonna tell me your name?

- I'm Laurel.
- William.

But around here they call me...

BUS DRIVER: Shakespeare!

Shakespeare, it's your stop.
You're home, kid.

You getting off or what?

No, I'm not getting off.
So just... keep going.

♪

(SIGHS)

(PHONE BUZZING)

LEIGH: Hi, Randall.

Hi, Dr. Leigh. Uh, sorry to bother you.

I hope it's an okay time to...

No, of course. I-I saw your name, and I wanted to make sure everything was all right.

Yeah, no, everything's all right.

But...

When we first met, Dr. Leigh, you made a point of pointing out just how few Black men seek you out for therapy.

It's a "very small number," were your words.

(CHUCKLES) I remember.

I made a conscious choice to start seeing a white female therapist.

I know that.

It's complicated for me, and I can't claim to understand it, but I... but I do know it.

If that makes sense.

There are things, Dr. Leigh, that I don't feel comfortable talking to you about.

There's stuff I-I put away when I enter your office, and... that doesn't help me get better.

And there's nothing you can do to make me more comfortable.

I just... (CHUCKLES)

I need something different.

I'm gonna make a change and find a Black therapist.

And I just wanted to tell you that directly.

Randall, obviously your mental health is what's important here,

and if that's something that you're feeling strongly about...

Hey.

I knew that the meal was important to you, so...

I'm doing the best that I can.

So be gentle in your critique.

Is that what it's gonna feel like... when I eventually...

We don't have to worry about that.

Not-not today.

- You know what's so strange?
- Hmm?

I'm not worried about forgetting about the big stuff.

It's the little things.

It's the...

It's the regular...

Saturday when the kids were little.

(NO AUDIO)

A day when nothing big really happens. J...

(LAUGHS): We were just there, a normal family, like any other normal family.

Laughing and talking and...

(NO AUDIO)

... playing pin the tail on the donkey.

That's the stuff I'm not ready to let go of yet.

I want to show you something.

Come on.

- Come on.
- What...

- I chopped down the dead tree.
- Hmm.

And I know that you said you wanted to plant a sapling...

- Mm-hmm.
- ... so that we could get fruit sooner, but,

I don't know, it just seemed, um... too easy.

So, instead, I got these.

Oh...

Now, these should bear fruit in about... six to ten years.

Six to ten years? I don't...

I am not in a rush.

One day at a time.

And then another...

And then another.

I love you.

- I love you.
- Thank you.

Hey.

Guess what.

What's going on?

I can't stop thinking about what Randall said.

I've been so oblivious.

(SIGHS)

- What can I do?
- Noth-nothing.

That's sweet, but I'm gonna have to sit with these feelings a while.

Well, we'll just have to get it all right raising our children.

Yeah. Yes.

Raising our children,

- which is the plural of "child."
- Mm-hmm.

Children.

Are you doing something confusing?

'Cause I don't... I don't get it.

Apparently. Listen.

I just got six messages from the adoption agency.

Kate, we have a match.

Wh...

What?

They found us a match.

- For real?
- Yes.

- We're getting a baby?
- We gettin' a ba...

♪

♪ I don't think you want grand gestures ♪

♪ Just a simple faithful friend ♪

♪ Someone who will walk it with you ♪

♪ All the way to the end ♪

♪ Someone who can live and love you ♪

♪ Singing how I've come to know ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ You're like the sun that gives ♪

♪ The moon its glow ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

♪ You're my, oh, you are my ♪

♪ My sweet refuge ♪

♪ You're my... ♪

BETH: And another one.

(LAUGHS SOFTLY)

Mmm.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

♪ But we'll leave them chasing tails ♪

♪ 'Cause you're my, oh, you are my... ♪

I'm not having a breakdown, Beth. I'm really not.

I'm healthier than I've been in years.

But what I'm dealing with at work, and what we're dealing with as a people, day after day...

- It's just so tragic, Beth.
- Mm-hmm.

So much loss.

It's just so sad.

I-I'm not falling apart.
I'm not having a breakdown.

I'm just really, really sad, baby.

(EXHALES)

When my dad was dying, I... remember he said that it's the tragedies that define our lives.

"They are the fence posts on which the rest of our lives hang, baby girl."

I always think about that.

Like... our lives just hanging there, between these really sad fence posts.

Baby.

You were born out of tragedy.

♪ I need you, I need you... ♪

Multiple tragedies.

♪ Lord, every day, I need you... ♪

All that loss, all that sadness.

♪ I need you, I need you... ♪

And look at what you've hung on your fence posts.

Look right in front of you.

Right here in this room, and...

I mean, look what you did with all of that.

(SOFT LAUGHTER)

Do you see it?

I see it.

You are a beautiful, resilient man.

The world is a brilliant, resilient place.

We fight on.

Darkest before dawn and all that?

Sourest lemons life has to offer.

Okay, that's your thing, you know what I mean?

- I was doing my thing.
- Mm-hmm.

Can we stay with my thing?

- Yeah.
- (WHISPERS): Okay.

This pain is not forever.

This moment in time is not forever.

Nothing is forever, except us.

- We fight on.
- We fight on.

♪ I need you ♪

♪ You're my ♪

♪ Oh, you are my ♪

♪ My sweet refuge ♪

♪ You're my, oh, you are my... ♪

- BETH: Be honest with me.
- RANDALL: Hmm?

You're not, like, secretly expecting

- some big surprise party or anything?
- Mm-mm, no.

All I need is in this room right now.

I think we could all use a year with no surprises.

Mm. Yes.

- Yeah.
- Mm.

PARAMEDIC: Let's mark the time and call it in.

We need to call the cops and Child Services, too.

This is a mess.

Sir, we're gonna need you to wait here.

Where'd he go?

I'll let the cops figure out what to do about that.

Wait.

Wait. I think I've got a pulse.

(GASPS)