04x04 - An Honest Ghost

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

A vision is in my mind and in my eyes.

It cannot die, it cannot disappear,

'cause, 'cause it's like energy.

It just... transforms.

And maybe Wolfgang will come back...

as a ghost of a vision.

Which is the same thing as a vision.

Hai Lai, do you think it's okay
for me to do the Requiem?

- (PHONE BUZZES)
- Oh, sh*t. Okay.

I actually do really want
to talk about this,

but I am late for work,
and then I have rehearsal.

- And then I have another work,
- (DUCK QUACKING RINGTONE)

and then another rehearsal,
and, okay, that's ringing.

And it's probably for you,
so why don't you actually

just keep the phone? Just keep
the phone. I won't miss it.

I don't want, uh, I don't want
a telephone, Hai Lai.

HAILEY: Nobody wants a phone.

If someone feels neglected
in a relationship,

they should say something, right?

Even if it's in front of
the other person's uncle

- he hasn't seen in eight years.
- Uh, yes.

If you feel neglected, you
should definitely say something,

but just probably not
in front of the uncle.

_

- What?
- RODRIGO: Guess what.

What?

- Guess what.
- What?!

They're calling you for the
Fukumoto conducting competition.

They want to scout you next week.

- Oh, my God! What?!
- Yes, I know!

Oh, my God!

You didn't tell me that you applied.

Why you didn't...?

'Cause I didn't want to jinx it.

Wait, what is it?

It's the biggest conducting competition

in the world. This could change her life.

THOMAS: What does that say?

"FFF."

Yes, FFF.

And why do you think Beethoven
wrote three Fs

into this score, Alan?

Because he wanted it fortississimo?

Because he wanted to start
a f*cking riot.

He wanted to start an outbreak

of joy and terror
and spontaneous copulation.

But of course we can't do that,
can we, now?

No, no, of course we can't.

Because we need a trumpet
section that can blow

- like the f*cking apocalypse.
- (MOTORCYCLE ENGINE REVVING)

Thomas?

(ENGINE IDLING)

Hello. Hi, how you doing?

Um,

I couldn't help noticing that
you have a little problem

with one of your cylinders.

I didn't hear anything.

Well... I have a highly-trained ear.

- Oh.
- In fact, I used to ride,

you know, with
the Liverpool Black Diamond Club

way back in the ' s.

I had a Vincent Black Shadow.

May I?

Yeah, go ahead.

- (CAR HORNS HONKING)
- MAN: Come on, let's go!

- What the hell?
- Sorry.

We'll just be a moment.

(HONKING CONTINUES)

Here we go, here we go.

- May I?
- Sure.

- (ENGINE REVVING)
- Oh.

(LAUGHING): Oh!

Alan!

Fortississimo! (LAUGHS)

(REVVING LOUDLY)

I need the strings

to come on back towards
this back wall here.

Good, yes, just bring your stuff.

Bring it all back. Here we go.

Good, that's it, that's it, good.

Um, winds, uh, you're okay.

Although you may need earplugs.

Uh, percussion,

you can walk away.

ALAN: And then what should they do?

Uh, just find anything to bang on.

You need a sound, so you got to find it.

Eraseface, you've brought the beast.

- She has arrived.
- Hey, yeah, so me and the guys,

we rigged up this kind of, like,

- slide whistle thing.
- Ah.

It's not really working,
but when I figure it out,

- it's gonna be awesome.
- HAILEY: Uh,

is this a bad time?

- No, not at all, darling!
- (CHUCKLES)

They're scouting me
at my show at Lizzie's.

I can't believe it.
Thank you for making me apply.

- Of course they are.
- (MOTORCYCLE ENGINE STARTING)

- Think bigger, Rutledge, think bigger.
- (ENGINE POPS)

- (REVVING AND SPUTTERING)
- Um, yeah.

So, to make it official,
this is not working at all.

Um... but I can figure it out.
It's gonna be great.

Are the players gonna be able
to hear each other over that?

- I have no idea.
- (ENGINE REVVING)

I just think maybe I'm making
a complete ass of myself.

Oh, well, me, too.

I have four days to prepare
and I'm not even close to ready.

I think we're gonna do the Shaw,

even though we're still learning it.

- I don't know, we can

- discuss it at our lesson.
- Hmm.

- I know it's unconventional, but...
- Mm.

Yeah.

What?

Um, I can't really say, you know.

That's not like you.

Apparently, Bjarne Berggren
had a nervous breakdown.

He chewed his fingernails off.

- Ew.
- So they needed a last-minute

replacement on the judges' panel.

Oh.

(INSTRUMENTS WARMING UP)

Oh!

So...

- you can't...
- I'm sorry, no.

I'm barred from giving you any advice.

You're gonna have to find a new coach.

Do you know anybody?

No, but, uh, don't get a second-rate hack

and ruin my work. And...

(WHISPERS): don't use that piece.

I mean, this lot, they're...
"Go f*ck yourself

if you're not Brahms classical."

So that's my final word.

Except...

if you blow this chance,

I'm gonna kick your ass.

- Okay, I won't.
- Hmm.

Each of these candidates
has extensive experience

in music education and would be

an extremely capable music director.

All you have to do is pick one.

You pick one.

- No, you pick one.
- Gloria, you pick one.

No, I picked the last three.

They were all good.
They were really good options.

- Well, you fired them all.
- Oh...

Come on, Rodrigo!

_

_

Okay, I... I will pick one.

But I'm not doing Mozart's Requiem.

I'm not doing it. No.

GLORIA: Rodrigo, you're doing it.

_

_

Ah.

_

_

_

_

_

_

Yeah. Sí, perdon.
Perdon, perdon, perdon, perdon.

- Maestro?
- Yes.

Ms. Windsor said to tell
you she's on a tight schedule.

Okay, um, Sharon, could you...?

Um... can you help me get something

that Mozart touched, like a,
like a toothbrush?

I'm sure I can help you with that.

Ay, thank you, thank you
so much, thank you.

I just wanted to let you know that...

whatever feelings I've had
for you are over,

and, um, I'm ready to pursue

a purely professional relationship.

No.

Okay, okay, that's fine.

- Help me with the mofongos.
- Yes.

- Yes?
- (PLATES CLATTER)

Thank you... okay, thank you.

And, Gloria?

I was thinking,
how about the Fauré's Requiem?

It's a good one, no? It's just a requiem.

He said he wants Mozart.

That's the only thing he wants.

Excuse me.

I'm the musical director,
you know? So, in a way,

I can choose whatever I want.

Are you all right? Because
you don't seem like yourself.

I'm fine, I'm fine.
What-what do I look like?

You look tired.

And... a little nervous.

Yes, I am nervous, Gloria.
I'm nervous because

you make me do these things all the time.

f*ck! I feel trapped,
I feel completely trapped!

Okay, okay, now, listen, listen,
I'm gonna try something.

So asphyxiated!

I'm going to treat you like an adult.

Yes, because I am an adult, Gloria.

I'm an adult.

You did this. You, okay?

You wanted a youth orchestra.

I said it wasn't the right time,
but you went ahead.

Fukumoto is a godsend for us.

The youth orchestra,

the building, our future.

He makes everything easy.

Yes, Gloria, I want to do things
the easy way.

The only thing is that I don't know

what is happening in my head right now.

I believe you're the greatest
conductor alive today.

- And I believe you can lift
this city up.

- Hmm.
- Lift the kids up.

Same way

Maestro Rivera lifted you up.

So...

don't let us down.

Me, or him, or them.

Yes.

Hey, uh, did you pick one?

- ♪ ♪
- Yes.

I pick you, Cynthia.

- Oh, no.
- I pick you.

Oh, no, no, she's off the menu.

I'm leaving. I'm gonna go see if...

- Tell him!
- No, Gloria.

- Maestro? I found something.
- No.

Some...

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(SONG ENDS)

Okay.

So, the Leonarda, it's very beautiful.

A little slow, but I like
that it's an obscure

baroque female composer;
that might surprise the judges.

- Cool.
- Totally.

But just to play out
the other option, the Berlioz,

it's more down-the-middle
programing-wise,

but it's more of a showpiece, so...

- Yeah.
- Totally, yeah.

Awesome.

Are you guys just agreeing
with everything that I say?

- No.
- Yes.

We really have to go.

Let us know what you decide.

(SIGHS)

It's called a Gunpowder Plot.

I just learned how to make it.

HAILEY: Wow.

Here's to you.

Congratulations.

And to day drinking.

There are three decent coaches
in this city.

Two of them are already
working with other people,

and one of them is conducting Stravinsky

in the Himalayas, so I'm f*cked.

- You have other options, Hail.
- Have you even been listening

to anything that I've been saying

over the past three months? I'm...

BOTH: ...trying to stay out of his orbit.

Yes, I have heard you.

I know the words to the song.

But are you really gonna
sacrifice your chance

to be in the Olympics because
you don't want people

to judge you for taking his advice?

It's not what other people think,

it's what I think.

Well, maybe that's the problem.

RODRIGO: Hai Lai!

I'm sorry I missed the rehearsal.

Say, Mr. Boyfriend,
what do you think about

the Leonarda for the scout?

RODRIGO: I think it's a really
beautiful piece.

- Why not? Yes.
- Yeah.

'Cause she's thinking about changing it.

Well, you can change it, you can do

whatever you want... of course, yes.

- Wait. What?
- Hai Lai,

we should get a car right now

and go to Long Island.

I would love to,

but I have to stay here

and review all of Western music

to find something
that encapsulates my essence.

Okay, trust me, trust me,

this place that I'm taking you,

I think you'll get what you need.

Come on, come on. Follow me.

L-Lizzie, can I leave the bicycle here?

LIZZIE: Yeah.

(MID-TEMPO CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

♪ ♪

RODRIGO: So, the person
that we are seeing right now,

this guy's called Morton Norton...

Mort... Norton Morton.

He's the biggest... biggest top collector

- of musical "ephemephra."
- It's "ephemera."

"Emephera."

- Ephem... ephemera.
- Ephem...

Okay, so you need one
of Mozart's toothbrushes?

Yeah, or-or something he touched.

I lost him, Hai Lai.

He told me not to do the Requiem.

- Mozart said that?
- Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, and then...(BLOWS) he was gone.

First it was Maestro Rivera,
then no Mozart.

You know, it's like my head
and my spirit is gone.

I'm floating without
any dark matter, you know.

I'm just drifting away,
like a galaxy, you know,

- without anything.
- (DOOR OPENS)

(PLAYS FANFARE)

Announcing Rodrigo DeSousa and...

- Uh, Hailey.
- Hai... Hai Lai Rut-Rutledge.

HAI LAI... (ROLLING "R"): Rutledge.

(PERFORMING GESUALDO'S
"CHE FAI MECO, MIO COR")

- (MUSIC ENDS)
- MORTON: Che bella.

My soul was transported
to realms empyrean.

Except, Mary Beth, what the hell?

It's meant to sound dissonant,
not d*sfigured.

Again, from the top.

(SINGING RESUMES)

HAILEY (QUIETLY): Wow.

♪ ♪

MORTON: Maestro!

Benvenuti nel castello di Norton.

Yes, you are the top collector
of musical ephemera.

- Right?
- Am I?

Or do I remind you of someone else?

You do remind me of Carlo Gesualdo,

the th century composer,
but just a little bit.

- Not... not so much.
- (GASPS)

I can tell you that
I feel most myself in his skin.

Wasn't he the composer
with the great harmonies,

but who also k*lled his wife?

Oh, that horrible, vicious rumor.

It has never been proven.

Didn't he run down the street
covered in her blood?

Are those actually
Paganini's strings, or...?

MORTON: I have age-tested the fibers.

They are definitely
North Italian, th century,

but whether they are the genuine article

or some elaborate fraud,
not even I can say.

Much the same as you, Maestro DeSousa.

May I say that I have been
longing to meet you?

Uh, this, by the way, is most definitely

Beethoven's ear horn.

RODRIGO: Oh, my God, it is.

Mr. Morton Norton, we are here because

the maestro really needs
something quite badly...

- something very important.
- Yeah.

- And, uh...
- All right.

These things happen from time to time.

I can show them to you, but that's all.

I hope it won't come to blows.

All right, so I managed to get
the tailpipes tuned to A-flat,

and I got this contact mic
that I'm running

through some pedals
into my digital workstation.

Okay, listen, um, just work
on the tone a little.

And we have to

get it up to E-flat.

Ah, here's my other beautiful machine.

What the hell is this?

I took three trains to get here.

I-I know. Listen.

I need a player tonight.

I need a player with heart and balls.

There's no money, no glory, and

I don't know what's
going on with your wrist.

Oh, f*ck it, I'm yours.

You pay for my cab home.

I adore you, Cynth.

Your childhood maté gourd.

- Mm.
- The jacket you wore

at your conducting debut.

Mm.

Locks of hair.

Yes, that's my hair. My hair.

Brought to me by La Fiamma,

before she went back into the asylum.

So sad.

The asylum?

Listen, I see that you're both upset,

and I understand.

People find out that I have acquired

their leave-behinds,
and they want them back.

Yours I procured merely as speculation.

Who knows if they'll ever
really be of any value?

What do you mean?

Well, what I mean to say is that

I would be willing to strike a bargain.

How much did you pay for my maté?

Okay, that's not why
we're here right now.

We need something that
belonged to Mozart.

Why, do you intend to dress up like him,

girlfriend who is more
important than the Pope?

That would be kinky.

Maybe, if I'm in the mood.

Good. I recommend it.

It is such a privilege to choose the time

in which we live.

I so detest the present.

Why Mozart?

Okay, y-you know when
you're talking to someone,

and it seems like they're there,

but then they're not actually there,

and then they disappear?

Oh...

You have lost your muse.

Yeah, he's an assh*le of a muse.

So many of them are.

Where will you put the audience?

Wherever they can get in.

Oh, God, I haven't felt this nervous

since I did The d*ck Cavett Show

after downing a handful of peyote.

Oh, now, don't worry, darling.

Everyone's here just to have fun.

What?

Is she playing with you?

Oh, yeah, Cynthia. Mm.

Okay, so, I'm % sure

that it's not going to explode
when you first touch it.

- Hmm.
- But if it does,

- I pre-apologize.
- Pre-apology accepted.

Have you seen Hailey?
I was supposed to meet her here.

You're, um... Eraserhead.

Erasefa... I'm sorry,
I don't mean to be obnoxious.

Just, like, people know...

No, yeah, you're, um, you're
playing my venue in Bushwick.

Oh, yeah, no, I'm... I'm pretty booked

for, like, four years,
but thank you for being a fan.

I appreciate it.

Oh, no, no, I'm not a fan.

I mean, what you do is fine,

but I'm-I'm, uh, I'm just desperate.

I need to sell tickets, so, uh, say yes.

Yeah. Okay.

Great. (CHUCKLES)

Wait, why did you say yes?

I don't know, I guess
I kind of like women

who treat me with disdain.

Ah... this is the violin

that belonged to
Mozart's sister, Maria Anna.

Wow.

- My brother stole it from me.
- (HAILEY GASPS)

- Hi.
- Hai Lai.

This is great. Really nice.

- RODRIGO: Yeah.
- And then he played

little ditties all night to taunt me.

Liszt's writing desk.

- MORTON: Bartók's...
- I cannot see the appeal.

I suppose he is sensual.

Packing cases from the Ballets Russes.

I don't even know what's in them.

Is he quite good at the lovemaking?

Uh, yes. Shh!

What did you say?

I said shh-it looks amazing... here.

Meet me in the Damentoilette.

I'm gonna go
to the damn toilet right now.

You okay, Hai Lai?

Yeah.

Welcome to the ladies' room
of feminine ephemera.

WOMAN: Horrid name, is it not?

Hailey Rutledge, meet Isabella...

- Isabella Leonarda.
- (CLASSICAL PIANO MUSIC PLAYS)

I'm conducting one
of your pieces right now.

I know, I've heard it.

Bless you, my child, bless you.

That piece that you're playing,
I know it.

"Die Nonne"... "The Nun." Fanny wrote it,

although Felix took the credit for it.

Excuse me for not getting up, Fraulein,

but, as you can see, I'm in this...

interesting condition.

Fanny Mendelssohn,
I've listened to over

of your pieces back in high school and...

MARIA ANNA: She wrote hundreds more.

Of course, they were never published.

Is that a, uh...

My baton, yeah.

Batons came into style
when I was a child,

but, of course, I could never have one,

so I made it myself.

Just to dream.

So, what are you doing here, Fraulein?

Wandering around this dusty manse.

Well, I'm um...
I'm actually being scouted

for a conducting competition,

and I'm trying to pick my music.

They let you conduct?

They let you compete?

Tell us everything.

Mozart's death mask.

- Made an hour after he passed.
- Hmm.

I acquired it

from the Austrian National
Library in .

And these.

Pages from the Requiem.

Most of the beginning
was completed, of course,

but then it fades away and simply ends.

As did he.

Can I borrow them?

(LAUGHS)

You are a ballsy little turnip.

Please. Please, there-there's
this woman in the Bronx

that told me that I have
to bring her something

that-that Mozart touched.

She can bring him back to me.

Oh, my dear boy.

You don't need a woman in the Bronx.

You are speaking to the master.

Hey.

Can you tie me up in back?

HAILEY: Well, there's the Berlioz,

- which is a little safer.
- FANNY: Safer?

If you think riding on the wings
of the Devil is safe.

Well, but there's also
the Caroline Shaw piece,

and she's into all sorts of weird sh*t,

like Tuvan throat singing
or little janky bells

from the hardware store,

- or-or flowerpots, or...
- Flowerpots?

Was ist das?

The blumen pots.

Ah.

I thought you were going to do my piece.

The "Vivace." I was so happy.

It hasn't been done in over years.

Uh, well, I-I just need
to consider all of my options.

Isabella's piece is too tame.

Tame? I was a rebel for my time.

You are already a woman.

You are already different.

Pick the piece that will
make you acceptable.

And win,

for those of us who never got the chance.

Tell me more about
this, uh, Caroline Shaw.

Okay, well, the piece that
she gave me is called "Hi."

And it's about how she wishes we
could all say hi to each other

with total expl*sive joy and realness,

like a volcano of-of happiness
and sorrow, or like a spaceship,

but I guess you guys don't actually know

what a spaceship is, but like a spaceship

that you would take to the stars,

and from there, you can see everything.

Look at how your face changes
when you talk about it.

I'm just tired of doing things
that are acceptable.

I want to do something else.

MARIA ANNA: This competition.

Yeah, whether you win or lose,
that is not in your hands.

Play the music that will
change them forever.

I like that.

I think mine would be
a good compromise to play.

- Don't... you think so?
- Mm-mm.

My baton.

Take it.

No. Fanny, I can't do that.

MARIA ANNA: Why?

He won't miss it. He never comes in here.

He's not interested because
we cannot make him the money.

Take it, Fraulein. For luck.

- Take it.
- MARIA ANNA: Take it.

- Take it.
- Take it. -Take it.

(REPEATING): Take it.

(CELLO PLAYING)

This is how Gesualdo spoke
to the spirits.

Wearing an amulet.

Conduit between the worlds
of the living and the dead.

♪ ♪

The familiar object
encased in a book of magic.

(ORCHESTRA PLAYING)

Let's begin.

(MOTORCYCLE REVVING)

Holy sh*t.

I really don't know
which one is hotter right now.

(MUSIC STOPS)

(INHALING, EXHALING)

RODRIGO: Wolfgang?

Gesualdo?

Norton Morton?

Morton?

MORTON: He's nearby.

But I'm having trouble
making the connection.

(SHRIEKS)

Ask him.

Why doesn't he want me to do the Requiem?

Because you never listened to him,

you traitor.

I tell you, he's an assh*le.

He's an assh*le.

(GASPING)

He says,

"If you think I'm an assh*le,

wait until you meet the other guy."

What other guy?

(SIGHS)

And he's gone. Wow.

They kind of have to want to talk to you.

It's a seduction, really.

Wh-What other guy?

- So, Glo, tell me the truth.
- (GLORIA LAUGHS)

- What do you think?
- Oh, what can I say?

It was wonderful and totally surprising.

I... you know, I-I didn't know
what to expect next.

- Mm.
- Which is great.

- You hated it.
- No, not at all.

- Not at all. No, no...
- Yes, you did.

- No, no, no, no.
- You hated it.

I'm still just processing.

- You have to give me a moment...
- Okay.

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

Did you get what you need?

No.

I don't think so.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here,

and say that I think Mozart,

or whatever,

it's a part of you.

You're worried about doing
the Requiem for other reasons.

Your maestro d*ed.

You didn't get to go to the funeral.

Yeah.

You're very kind to me.

Everyone's kind to you.

No, not the way you are.

Listen, Thomas can't help me.

Why?

He's a judge in the competition.

So I was wondering

if maybe you could help me get ready.

M-Me? Like, the coach?

And the boyfriend?

Yeah. We'll get you different hats,

so we can tell the difference. But, yeah.

Okay, yeah, but I-isn't that
too much in the orbit?

Well, I think it's you
coming into my orbit.

Okay, I like that. Yes.

Also, I'm gonna do the Shaw.

- The Shaw?
- And if it's too out there,

- then I'm too out there.
- Of course, Hai Lai, no.

The Shaw is-is really good.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

(PIANO PLAYING IN DISTANCE)

(WHISPERING): Do you hear?

I'll come back.

(WHISPERING): Wolfgang?

(PIANO CONTINUES)

Johann Sebastian?

MAN: Rodrigo DeSousa.

It's me.

Mr. Smiles.

The Guru of Glitter.

The Candelabra Kid.

Ay, Liberace.

Mm-hmm.

Where's Wolfgang?

Gone.

And good riddance.

I mean, you two had nothing in common.

Whereas we...

are kindred spirits.

No, no.

- Yes. Yes.
- No.

Well, for starters,
we both love the limelight.

No.

(PIANO PLAYING)

♪ Daisy, Daisy ♪

♪ Give me your answer do ♪

♪ I'm half crazy
all for the love of you ♪

♪ Oh, it won't be a stylish marriage ♪

♪ 'Cause I can't afford a carriage ♪

♪ But you'll look sweet upon the seat ♪

♪ Of a bicycle built for two ♪

♪ Oh, you'll look sweet upon the seat ♪

♪ Of a bicycle built... ♪

Big finish.

- ♪ For two. ♪
- ♪ For two. ♪

(PIANO CONTINUES PLAYING)

(PIANO STOPS)

(CAVALLARO'S
"FUNICULI, FUNICULA" PLAYING)

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪